02x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

[BRAHMS' 'CRADLE SONG' PLAYS]
- WHISPERS: There we are, boys.

No matter what, your mum is
always watching over you.

Bye, darling. I love you.

I'll miss you. OK?

[DOOR OPENS]

- Do I get one as well? The eyes
are really popping from here.

- Oh, sorry. I cut up all our
nice photos to make that one,
so, um... yeah.

I just read that it's
really important for babies
to have consistency

in the faces that they see, so...
- [BLOWS AIR]

Oh yeah. Well, they are gonna
consistently see, like,


your beautiful eyes.
What a treat for them.

- [LAUGHS]
- And you know what? You don't
need to worry. You can relax.

I'm gonna send you so many, like,
pictures of them gurgling, doing
cute stuff — and we can FaceTime you.

- Oh, OK. That'd be great.
But just with the FaceTime—

just make sure the camera's
reversed, so that there's no screen—
- Rear-facing. Yep. OK. Yeah.

- [SIGHS] I'm not a completely
horrible monster doing this, am I?

- No. You— You're a working mum,
and it's, like, a week.

- Ooh, do I have my swi— Got
my swipe, so that's— that's good.

- Oh, and, um— don't forget this.

- Did you make me lunch?

Thank you, that's...
that's really nice.

OK, well, I think that's—
that's me, isn't it?

I've got all my... got all my gears,
so I'll just, um—

Oh, I get to— I get to catch a bus
now, so... When was the last time
I did that? That's awesome.

I'm such a lucky girl.

Yeah. OK. Bye.

[CRIES]

[HIP—HOP SONG PLAYS ON DEVICE]
[CRIES]

- ♪ Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it!
Get it! Get it! Get it!

- You will never understand
the sacrifices that your parents
made for you.

- ♪ I'ma get it.

- ♪ I'ma get it.

- ♪ I'ma get it...

- [WAILS]

- Yo. Hey, um...

I'm home alone with the bubs today,
no Steph.

You wanna hang out like teenagers?
Play violent video games?

Have a sleepover?
We could talk about who's had
a wet dream and who hasn't.

- I'm all good, I reckon.

Yeah. Anyway, I gotta work.

- [SCOFFS] Pull a sickie.

- Uh, it's pretty full-on
at the moment.

- [SCOFFS] Oh my God. When did we
become so boring and responsible?

Come on, man! Let's wag class!

Go to the mall, hit on girls.
Steal from the Pick and Mix.

- Better go, eh.

- Oh, hey, wait.

Lunch.

I was making Steph some, so...
It's, uh, cheese and lettuce.

We ran out of sprinkles.
I know they're your thing.

- Cheers.

[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]

[BABY GRIZZLES THROUGH MONITOR]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

You're fine.
I'm coming! Mum's coming!

[LIFT BELL CHIMES]

- Aww, you made it.

- Hi, Dad.
- CHUCKLES: Aw.

First day back at school.
Well done. Well done.

- I feel a bit sick, to be honest.
- What, nerve sick or sick-sick?

- Oh, it's just a long time
to be away from the boys.

- Look, it's only for a week, OK?
- Yeah. I know.

- But if at any point, you get to
feel like it's too much, you just
say so and you can pop off home.

- Thank you.
- I'm so glad that you've come in.

It's so bloody hard to get
good help, and we are swamped.
- [SIGHS]

- Hey, everyone, look who's back!

- Steph, hello.
- Welcome back!

- Oh... [CHUCKLES] Hi. Hi, everyone.

Oh, Cam, hi!

[CURIOUS PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]

[CHUCKLES] It's my...

[EXCLAIMS SOFTLY]

[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES]

- [EXCLAIMS]

- WHISPERS: Oh...

God.

SOFTLY: Ooh, Lily! Thank God.

Can you, um— can you grab my coffee
on the table just there?

- Oh... [EXCLAIMS IN IRRITATION]
- Just bring it in here.
Come on, come on, come on.

- Yes, OK, but I've got to be quick.
I've got a meeting in, like,
one minute.

This? This is cold.
- Yeah, it's fine.

- All right, here you go—
- You just need to be very still
and don't make any sudden moves, OK?

There you go, there you go.
- Right.

Well, what are you going to do?
Just sit there for six hours
till Steph gets home?

- Yeah. I mean, it's—
it's cool to be still, you know?

Take in the world, the... ceiling.

Nice ceiling. We love it, eh?
We're loving it. Eh, Oscar?

- Why don't you call Rosie if you
don't know what to do with them?
- Uh, I know what to do with my kids.

- OK. [INHALES DEEPLY]

- I'll be fine. I'm fine.
- OK!

Urgh! I'm late!

- [CHUCKLES UNCERTAINLY]
[BABIES GRUNT, GURGLE]

[UPBEAT GUITAR POP MUSIC SWELLS]

[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES]

SOFTLY: You've got this.

GRUNTS: Huh—

[BABY CRIES]
Oh, it's the bloody lock.

[EXHALES DEEPLY] OK. Let's go.
[BABY CRIES]

- ♪ Call

♪ the shots.

♪ It started out like
any other night...

- Hey, mate.
- Hey, morning!

- How's it going?

Nice day for it.

How's it hangin'?

I mean... good morning.

[SIGHS]

- Hey.

[UPBEAT SYNTH-POP MUSIC]

[MUSIC STOPS]

- Oh, this...

oh, this sure is good.

Oh...

[PAPER BAG RUSTLES]

[CHUCKLES, SNIFFS]

[CICADAS BUZZ]

[PHONE RINGS, BUZZES]

- Hey, is everything OK?

- Um... yeah?

- SIGHS: Oh, good.

Are you outside?

- Yeah! Look at me!
It's not a simulation.

- Wow, that is amazing! Go you.

Well, I remembered all my passcodes,
so I guess we are both nailing it.
[CHUCKLES]

- Oh, is that lady there?

The one that really annoys you
with the bauble-y earrings—

- Ooh! Whoo-ooh-whoo! Ooh! Ooh.
- ...that sort of just prattles round
the office, and you're always like...

Is she there? Is she—?
- Ooh... Can I— Can I see the boys?

Can I?
- OK. There.

- Aw... I miss them.

What— What's that on Jai's head?

- Huh? Um...

Oh, it's just, um... I think it's
just cradle cap or something.
Something like that.

- Really? Since when?
I didn't see any this...

Oh! Ba— babe, don't—
don't scratch it.
- Oh.

- Sorry.
Sorry. That was a bit intense.

I-I— I think I've just read that
scratching can, like, lead to
infection or something.

- Um... yeah, anyway,
I'm gonna go now cos you're
making me anxious, so, um...

love you. Bye!
- [STAMMERS]

[MISCHIEVOUS PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]

Let's, um...
We'll get out of here, eh?

- Hmm. Must be hard,
saying goodbye to the kiddies.

Yeah, coming back to work so soon?

- Oh, well,
it's only for a week, so...

I mean, yeah. Yeah, it is
hard, and strange and new,
but it's not for long.

And actually, things have been
going really well so far, so...
maybe I could come back part-time.

Or I could work from home,
and just come in time to time,

build things up slowly, and...
who knows, by the end of the year,
I could be back full-time.

Or not.

Or not, because there's absolutely
no rush. And this time —

this time with the boys
when they are babies is just
so special and so formative,

and I don't want to miss that.

[SIGHS] But then again, part-time
would mean that I could be
part parent, part worker,

and maybe that would add up to
a whole sort of work-life,
balanced life situation,

which could be really good.

But then again, full-time would mean
clearer boundaries for the boys,
you know — and for me and Nat.

And actually, it does set a really
important example that mums exist.

They exist outside of the home.

They exist beyond the identities
and the needs of their—
of their children,

so... yeah, I'm just going to take
it— take it one step at a time.

Because from little things,
big things can grow—
if you want them to.

But— but— but never say never!
You know, but never say not never.

[COMPUTER KEYS CLICK]

- I might just, um...

[INHALES DEEPLY]
never say anything ever again.

[BABIES BAWL]

- We're fine! We're fine, we're fine.
We're home now. We're home now.

Everything's fine, everything's fine.
You're gonna be... You're gonna be
so, so fine!

We're gonna be so, so fine! We just—
We— We're in the house.
We're in the house.

[BABIES CRY]
I know, I know, I know — it's hard.

It's, like, it's hard being a baby.
It's hard being a baby.

I'm gonna bust you out of there
stat, all right? Stat.

[BABIES CRY]
We're talking... straight away...

Oh my God, why does this thing
need so much restraint?

Ha, da-da-da-da...

Lily!
[BABIES CRY]

Lily, are you home?

Anyone? [SIGHS] Oh...

Pwhoar! Oh my God,
what have you done? Dropped a b*mb?

Hang on— Hey, Hungry— Hungry,
you're just gonna have to wait
a little bit, OK?

Cos Stinky here needs... Oh, you've
got my— you got my necklace?

Are you—? Hey. You trying to steal
my jewels? All right. OK.

[WAILS]
Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey. It's OK.

Huh? Want a toy?
Toy. Toy, toy, toy, toy.

What about this? What about this,
huh? [SINGS] 'De-de-de-de.'

'De-de-de-de.'
Is that too many patterns?

Yeah. Yeah, that's full-on.
Why did they sell that?

Um, OK, uh...

Uh...
[BABIES CRY, GRIZZLE]

All right. OK.
I'm putting this thing on,

and if you dob me in,
I will feed you off my right boob,
and my right boob only.

OK. And you!

Phwoar! Oh my God, bro.
That's impressive.

Anyone?
[BABIES CRY]

- Wow! Ah, thank you.

On a tray of screws, no less.
- [GRUNTS]

Flash, eh?
- Mm. [CHUCKLES]

So do you eat these every day?

- Yeah. Well, not every day,
but, like, most days.

- Oh.

What's that, then? Second lunch?

- Uh... nah, it's just spare.

- Mmm.

- So how's everything at home?

- Yeah. Fine.

- And Nat's doing OK
with the boys solo?

- Yeah. Seemed to be.

- Hmm.

- You know, um...

this could be us soon,
but in 'Paree'.

Still keen on that?

- Um, yeah. Um... oui.

- Ah! Oui!

Ah, tres bien, euh— qu'est-ce que
c'est? Je ne sais pas.

- Oh... Wait, you speak French?

- Oh yeah.

What do you want me to say?

- Um... 'What a beautiful view'.

- Ah, ooh la la!
Magnifique, le view, euh —

poisson...

est toute.

- FRENCH ACCENT: Partition...

escargot...

- [SPEAKS FRENCH GIBBERISH]

- FRENCH ACCENT: No. No, no, no.
- No!
- No.

- Come on, bro. What is it?
[BABY GRIZZLES]

OK, normally my milkshake brings
all the boys to the yard —
both of you boys.

Is it— Is it... gas?

Is it wind?

I get— I get some nasty wind
sometimes, and I just gotta...
just gotta let it all out.

[BABY GRIZZLES]

[GRIZZLES]

[TENSE PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]

Shh-shh, shh-shh.
It's OK, it's OK. It's OK.

It's OK. It's OK.

I just gotta check something.
Mama's just gotta check something.

Almond... allergy...

baby.

[BABY GRIZZLES]
[NAT SIGHS]

[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC CRESCENDOS]

[BABY GRIZZLES]
WHISPERS: Oh sh*t.

Shh. Shh-shh-shh. It's OK, it's OK.

[BABY CRIES]
- Oh, what, so—
so— so this is the emergency?

- Mum, the internet said
'tree nut allergy'. He could have
a tree nut allergy!

- Honestly, he would have blown up
like a pool floatie if he were
having an allergic reaction.

Babies cry!

- Mum, the flake—
the flake went right on his face.

- Almond croissants are very flaky.

I don't know why you're bothering me
and not Steph about this.

- Yeah, well,
I don't want to make her worry.

- Ah, for f*ck's sake.
Natalie King. Repeat after me.

'I have got this.'

- Oh, wait.
You actually want me to re—
- I actually want you to say it.

- OK. 'I have got this.'
Shh-shh-shh-shh.

- 'I am a loving and caring parent,

'and an intelligent person.'
- All right, all right, all right.
I get it. I get it.

- 'And I'm letting my mother get
back to her walking group before
Prue gets antsy about her steps.'

Love you.
- Love you.

[DOOR CLOSES]
[SIGHS]

Shh-shh, shh-shh-shh-shh.
[BABY FRETS]

Shh-shh-shh. It's OK. It's OK.

[GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC]

[CICADAS BUZZ]

- Aw.

[PHONE CHIMES]

[LIVELY GUITAR MUSIC]

- What's that?
[PHONE CAMERA CLICKS]

SOFTLY: sh*t.

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Oh my God. Oh sh*t.
[BABY GRIZZLES]

No, it's OK, it's OK.
It's OK. It's all OK.

[BABY GRIZZLES]
It's OK. Just come here.
You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Shh.

Shh-shh, shh-shh-shh.

Quit looking at me.

Shh-shh, shh-shh-shh. Shh-shh.

[LIVELY GUITAR MUSIC CONTINUES]

[PHONE KEYS CLICK]

[MUSIC STOPS]

- [EXHALES]

[GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC]

[PHONE KEYS CLICK]

['SENT MESSAGE' TONE]

[CICADAS BUZZ]

- Hi—
- Johnny!

-Jeez— Ooh.
- Have you got allergies
on your side?

- Are you OK?
- Yeah. I'm fine. Just—
allergies. Have you got them?

- Uh... y-yeah, I-I was a bit itchy
one time when I had—
when I had Nutella.

- Oh my God, sh*t. sh*t, it's you.
It's you. It's your faulty genes.
- Wait, wait. What is me?

What— What is going on?
- Jai's having a allergic reaction.

- What? How? I— I didn't even know
he was on solids.

- No, he's not, I— I just—
I am. I mean, I was...

Like, I had this almond croissant
and I was eating it— like, it kind of
fell out of my mouth and on to him,

and then... and then I think maybe
he's, like, ingested some flake
or something.

- [STAMMERS] I mean, he looks fine.

- Look — look, on the hand.
What's that? Is that, like,
a rash or hives, or what is it?

- I don't know.
- I don't know either.

- I don't know.
OK, well— I don't know.
- Oh sh*t. sh*t, sh*t.

- OK, well, why don't we just go to
the hospital, just to be safe?

- You think?
- I... I don't know.

He is kind of warm.
- He is, eh. Oh my God, he is warm.

He's warm. sh*t.

- OK, come on, let's go.
- OK.
- Yeah?

- So, apparently, Debbie's number
two has got chronic nosebleeds now.

- SIGHS: Oh...

- I mean, you don't hear me saying,
'I've just got to rush home
and feed the cats, do you?'

No.

You know, it's just like...
you know, there— there's different
standards sometimes, you know?

- Mm.

- Look, I know it's not PC
to say this,

but I really do think
you should be able to ask people
when they interview for a job

if they're planning on having kids.

I mean, some of the people here —
not mentioning any names —

Tonya...

Andrea...

Bronwynn... [SCOFFS] Sharon...

soon as they're parents, boom —
no, that's it! They just become
a— a revolving door of mum excuses.

- I'm sorry, I can't. I can't do
this. I— I have to go home...

because I have uncontrollable
expl*sive diarrhoea.

- Oh, God!

[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC CRESCENDOS]

[MUSIC STOPS]

- Hi, I'm home! Didn't last the day.
I just missed all your...

fa...

Nat?

Hello?

Nat?

Nat?

Nat, are you here?

[TENSE PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]

[GASPS]

WHISPERS: Oh God.

- Just a little infant thrush.

It's nothing a little nudie time,
little air drying wont fix.

- Yeah. And the fever's nothing?

- I think you overcooked him
a smidge. One too many layers.
He's fine now.

- So no allergies to
almond croissants at all, or...?

- Not at all.

Maybe next time use a plate.
Those things are pretty flaky.
- Yeah.

- The good ones are.
- I don't think I've ever had one.

- What?
- You've never had
an almond croissant?

- Bro, why didn't you tell me
about that? That's crazy!

That's, like, a crazy fact.
- I'd prescribe you one if I could.
- Yeah.

- Might head to the cafeteria now,
actually.

- Thank you. Thank you so much.
[CHUCKLES]

- You two have beautiful bubs.
You're doing great. Hang in there.

- SIGHS: Oh, f*ck. We did a good job.
- Yes, we did.

- Aaargh!
- Yeah!

- Thank you for giving me the shove
I needed to get to the hospital.

- Yeah, sure.

- No, I mean it.

I needed you.

All right.
Come on, you little squishy...

Oh! Why'd you gotta go do that
and get all thrushy on me?

[COOS]

- What's happened?!
- Steph? What— Wait, what?

- What's happened? What's happening?
- Yeah, nothing, nothing. It's all—

Everything's OK. Everything's fine.
It's— It's all good.

- What do you mean, everything's
fine? What has happened?
- OK, nothing!

There was a little, uh, thing—
a little moment with a—
almond croissant.

Like, flakeage near Jai's...
general area, but...

- Did he have an allergic reaction?
Did he go into, like, anaphylactic
shock or something?

- No, no, he didn't have
an allergic reaction. He's fine.

It was just there was
a rash, you know—
- What?

- Checked him out,
and it's— it's not anything bad.
It's just a bit of thrush.

- So he's got thrush?
- Which is normal. Perfectly normal.

- I'm so sorry you've got thrush.
I should never have gone to work.

- What? Why?
Because if you'd not gone to work,
he wouldn't have had thrush?

- No.

No, of course not. Um...

I'm sorry. That was just a real
fright. And I... wish you had
called me.

- SIGHS: Ah... good to go.

Hey, Steph.

- What's Johnny doing here?

- [CHUCKLES UNCERTAINLY]

Um... he came home,
he was there, so...

What?

- Yeah, Nat was freaking out, so I
suggested we come to the hospital.

[POIGNANT MUSIC]

- Steph, this is not a thing.
- Yeah, it's a thing.

My child needs hospital care,
and I'm... I'm the last person
to know that it's happening?

That's not OK.
- What?

- That's not OK.
- Yeah, but... [STAMMERS] I...
Everything happened so fast.

- That's bullshit.
- What?

- You could have called me on the
way. You could have texted me when
you got here, and so could you.

Both of you could have contacted me
in so many ways, but you didn't.

I just don't get that. Like, I don't
understand why that didn't happen.

Why? Why did you not do that?
- OK, well, I— [STAMMERS]
Cos I wanted you to trust me.

- Trust you?

So you thought the best way of
doing that was to, like, race off
to the hospital with Johnny?

He is not their parent, Nat.

You're not the parent, Johnny.
I'm the parent!

- Look, I— Steph, I know that, OK?
He was just an extra pair of hands
when I needed them.

- I'll, uh, leave you to it.
- I honestly— I just honestly
don't get how your brain works.

Like, do you seriously think that
it is OK that you tell Johnny
and not me...

[ARGUING CONTINUES]

['COUNT ME OUT']

- ♪ Count me out.

♪ I can't go back
on what you started.

♪ Mm.

♪ Now it's done.

♪ I cut it clean before

♪ you cut me.

♪ So long the hay days, eh,

♪ no more in good faith.

♪ You robbed my yesterday,

♪ in vain,

♪ a waste.

♪ You take

♪ and take

♪ and take

♪ and take,

♪ and in short,

♪ it all,

♪ but I got nothing left for you. ♪