01x02 - A Celebration of the Human Life Cycle

[bunniefuu]

[rock music playing]

[man] Actually, you know what?

Can you slide it away from the urn a bit?

Yeah, I think that's it.

Girls, how's that angle?

Girls?

Papi, it's a vase. Is one angle supposed

to look better than the other?

It's an urn, and your grandfather

would have liked to have looked his best.

Sorry, Daddy. It looks good.

I like how the light's hitting on the top.

Yeah, Grandpa did love the sun.

I couldn't ever get him

to put on sunscreen or drink water.

It's a wonder he lived 88 years.

[woman] Did your dad get the card I sent?

Papi, Mommy wants to know

if you got the card she sent.

I did, tell her thank you.

He said, "Thank you."

That's not how I said it.

It was more thoughtful.

Thank you!

Everyone's gonna start logging in soon,

so, girls, let's get back to rehearsing.

[Paola sighs]

Ready? One, two, three.

[playing tune]

What is this? You started already.

-You can stop.

-I knew it. Guys. Vamos.

[clears throat] No.

We're rehearsing something for later.

Chad.

Hey, Braydon,

you look like a million bucks.

-It's all Reina.

-[chuckles]

Hi, ladies, you look lovely.

-Hi, tia.

-Hello.

Say hi to your cousins.

What's up? You guys get your, uh,

stimulus packages yet? [scoffs]

-What is wrong with you?

-[Chad] Show some respect.

So here we are, huh?

I guess that's Dad.

Yeah.

I was out in the yard yesterday,

and I thought how disappointed he'd be

in how it all looks. It's so overgrown.

-We were his little weed detectives.

-[laughs]

Remember how excited he'd get

when we'd pull one out, roots and all?

[laughs] Yes, he'd do that stupid dance.

[chuckles]

We're pulling weeds this weekend.

I'm good.

I can't believe I'm not there with him.

We should all be there with him.

Reina, he's not there.

I felt Mom at her service.

Maybe it was the hundreds of people

that were there to pay their respects.

Whatever it was,

it felt a lot better than this.

-This is unnatural.

-Please don't.

[man] I know it's strange, but people

are finding a lot of comfort this way.

Who's that?

Hello, ma'am. My name is Dean.

I'm a representative

from the funeral home.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Reina] Thank you.

Dad's secretary

of 40 years doesn't get included,

pero Dean… gets a front row seat?

That's because Sharon understood

that we wanted to keep it small,

and Dean is just doing his job,

which he's probably very grateful to have.

I-- I am very grateful.

So… just let it be.

[computer chimes]

Uncle Tony!

-Oh, tio!

-Hola!

Hi!

He's muted.

[no audio]

Oh, we can't hear you!

[no audio]

-[Reina] Click the microphone.

-It's on the bottom.

-Click the microphone.

-Dad, write to him in the chat.

No, that'll confuse him. It's a little box

at the bottom. A picture of a microphone.

Where's he going?

Tio, why are you going under the desk?

This is great, Miguel.

Just like you said, seamless.

[no audio]

Oh, he said he can hear us.

Okay, that's fine.

Okay. It's fine. It's fine.

Let's go, let's get started.

Without Santi?

-Haven't we bent enough for Santi?

-[chimes]

Dang, who died?

I knew this was a bad idea.

Santi, a little respect, please?

Hey, brother, I'm just going

off the program that you sent.

You made it seem like a party.

How'd you put it?

[in Spanish] Let me see.

[speaks Spanish]

[in English]

A Celebration of the Human Life Cycle.

A little woo-woo for Dad.

At least we agree on something.

The vest I could do without.

Well, this is my only formal wear.

You look like a caterer.

It's 'cause

it's from my old catering days.

Hey, Uncle Tone.

-¿Que pasó? You guys muted Uncle Tony?

-No.

He can't figure out the sound.

That's perfect, man. Perfect.

Did anyone try to help?

No, we've just been sitting here,

pointing and laughing.

His generation is having

a more difficult time with all this.

That's an understatement.

[in Spanish]

Who's the crazy white guy talking?

[in English] You know what?

All I can say, at least Dad

got out the old-fashioned way.

Only you would romanticize

our father's heart attack.

Thank you. Thank you.

He's wearing shorts.

Okay!

Here we go.

[scoffs]

Oh, my God.

While this is not how… any of us

imagined we would be memorializing Dad--

Santi did.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is

my dream scenario for Papi's funeral.

Well, there was plenty of time to do

this properly before the world caved in.

Oye.

[laughs]

The NBA just canceled their season,

pero you still think it would have been

cool for me to hop on a full-a*s airplane?

My a*s would probably

still be stuck there.

Pero you know what?

Mira, as long as La Princesa Reina

got her way, then poof.

All I wanted was to have

a beautiful service for our father

in a church with a priest.

Not whatever this is,

on the Internet con Dean.

Wow, a priest? Un cura.

[chuckles] Man, that's classic.

You probably believe

that we're all gonna be raring

to go by Easter, huh?

[sighs] Can we just move past this?

Girls, seriously? The phones!

Sorry.

All of this negative energy is

a distraction.

A distraction from what's real.

And what's real

is that we have lost our patriarch.

One of the silver linings,

in this paused time is that

it's giving us mental space to reflect.

I've been going through a lot

of old photographs. [chuckles]

Flipping through a lot of memories.

Some good…

some not so good. I don't know

if I'm looking for comfort or answers…

Or maybe the truth.

I'm getting to that, Santi.

Getting to what?

The truth… of who Dad really was.

[scoffs] Papi's gone, Reina.

You still gonna live in denial or what?

Miguel.

We all agreed on how this was gonna go.

Hmm?

[in Spanish] Remember?

A little discretion, please.

-[in English] You mean lies.

-I mean, remembering our father

-the way our mother would have wanted.

-Yeah, and also…

[in Spanish] …the Father, the Son

and the Holy Spirit too. Right?

[in English]

Is there something wrong with that?

With bringing the Catholic church into it?

Um, yeah, there is. Yeah.

Please!

Stop interrupting, you guys.

Tell her.

[Miguel] Thank you.

[clears throat]

What I wanted to say was Dad--

-[hip-hop music playing]

-I pump, pump on these b*tches ♪

-I'm the sh*t, dump on these b*tches ♪

-Wh-- what is this?

-I don't now, man, but it's amazing!

-No way! Zoom b*mb!

-[Reina] Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

-Dean, I didn't order a-- [mutters]

-Oh, damn!

-Mute it! Mute it!

Put the bombers in a waiting room.

-In a what?

-In a waiting room.

-[Miguel] How do I do that?

-Stop recording. Mom!

-Go to settings…

-Okay.

-♪…like some f*ck' Shake 'n Bake… ♪

-Click "In Meeting"…

-Okay.

-Stop a f*cking earthquake… ♪

-A drop-down menu…

-Okay.

-I'm all up in this chicken… ♪

-Click "Waiting Room."

-I'm all up in this chicken… ♪

-Okay.

-[music stops]

-What--

This is why we suggest the Gold Package.

Oye, mano,

you didn't spring for the Gold Package?

I thought a password would be confusing.

So…

This memorial was so much worse

than I imagined.

And I imagined pretty bad.

-Tia, no!

-No, tia!

Reina, where are you going?

It was just a little hiccup.

A hiccup? People were dirty dancing

at our father's funeral.

I think they call it twerking.

You are such a child.

Yeah, and you are such an uptight…

[mumbles]

See how I used discretion there?

[Miguel] All right, stop!

I think we all just… [clears throat]

[sniffles] We just need

to take a deep cleansing breath.

[inhales deeply]

Enough with the Yogi act. Okay, Miguel?

Yes, thank you!

It's just another way for you to feel

like you're superior to everyone else.

Yeah, and it doesn't make us forget

what an as*h*le bully you used to be.

I am so sick… and tired

of you two selfish f*ck--

There he is! [speaks Spanish]

Really? "There he is!"

You're coming for me? Now? Seriously?

After I helped mediate this whole thing

between you two idiots?

After I helped mediate

everything for years!

And I stayed here with Dad.

Taking him to doctor's visits.

Holding his hand.

Going to Ruby's Diner every Friday

even though I despise that place. f*ck!

Oye, mano.

Deep cleansing breaths, man.

Let me tell you something.

You two got to get away.

And I stayed here.

How about a little gratitude?

Just a little bit! And by the way,

all I wanted to say was that

Dad was a proud individual,

and he managed to raise

three proud individuals. f*ck!

[speaks Spanish]

-[in English] God damn it to hell!

-Hey! We can hear you now.

-Oh, tio, we can hear you!

-Hola.

[Miguel] ¿Tio?

Well, that took

a couple years off my life.

Uh, this is why we suggest

doing test runs.

Thanks, Dean.

You know, your dad was the tech guy.

[chuckles]

He always had the latest and greatest.

[groans]

Me not so much. But…

Um…

[sighs] Sorry. Look, I wrote a thing here.

[sniffles] But maybe I'll just wing it.

[exhales]

Julio Villareal was the love of my life.

Grandpa was g*y with his brother?

No, dummy. Uncle Tony's not a real uncle.

We just call him that.

[sobbing]

Now I know that's no surprise

to any of you. Well, most of you.

Not that we ever talked about it.

Our love was complicated.

And-- And, Reina, I get wanting

to keep Julio's funeral uncomplicated.

Not being completely open

with you guys caused Julio

a lot of pain.

But we should put that pain

to rest today too.

He loved you all.

And he knew that you loved him.

That's what we should focus on today.

Reina.

Reinita.

-[mutters]

-[Tony] I remember you…

as a little girl, all ruffles,

skipping along with him to church. [hums]

[in Spanish]

Like a little Celia Cruz, right?

Remember? [chuckles]

[in English]

Your strength intimidated him sometimes.

[in Spanish] But your heart is pure.

[in English] And he knew that.

-Santi. Always jumping in headfirst.

-[laughs]

[Tony] Which meant a lot of visits

to the ER, verdad? [chuckles]

Yeah.

How many broken bones?

[exhales] Uh, twelve.

Twelve. [chuckles]

Santi, your nature

was as much a mystery to him…

as it was an inspiration.

Miguel.

First born, right foot forward, this guy.

[chuckles]

Pero tu papi, he knew you

as a defender, not a fighter.

The Buddhist stuff,

he wasn't so sure about.

[laughs]

But one day, he said to me, he said,

"Miguelito is happy. He's lighter.

[laughs] He smiles and laughs,

and he takes good care of me."

[sobbing]

"I'm a lucky man."

[sighs]

I miss him.

Very much.

[blubbers]

[sighs, laughs]

Wow. [chuckles]

Look at me!

Talking on the Internet and crying.

Your dad wouldn't recognize me today.

Um, I'm-- thank you. Thank you.

Um, that's all I got.

[Reina sobs] Uncle Tony.

[sniffles]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Yeah.

Did he ever mention which one of us

he loved, like, the most most?

[Santi and Tony laugh]

That's okay, you don't have to say.

[sniffles, laughs]

[sobbing]

[sobbing continuing]

Tony… [clears throat]

…when it opens back up,

let's you and I have a date at Ruby's.

I wanna go to Ruby's.

Aye, me too.

-You know I'll be there.

-[laughs]

It's a date.

-[salsa music playing]

-[chiming]

-[music continuing]

-[man singing in Spanish]