02x03 - Balanced

[bunniefuu]

[romantic music plays]

[man speaks Hindi]

[man speaks Hindi]

[laughs] Here we are.

Your money.

Ooh. S-Sorry, Ani.

Your hair's all messed up because of me.

[Ani] No, no. It's completely fine.

You know, this reminded me of that…
those Bangkok tuk-tuks.

-You know those little…
-Yeah.

Especially with his cheesy playlist.

Romantic sad song collection.

DJ Broken Heart.

And you really need to download it.

-For the playlist.
-Keep the change.

[scoffs] What a jerk.

[grunts] Piss off! Loser.

How can he just say that to you?

[scoffs] You know what everyone says, Ani?

They say you'll dump me one day.

You won't, right?

-I mean…
-I know you won't do that.

It's not like you care about these things.

What things?

You know. You have a Mercedes,
I take a tuk-tuk.

You wear a Prada belt,
I wear my Bros belt.

You have a platinum credit card,
and I have a Metro card.

[sighs] So you mean to say that…

You are not classist.

If you were,
you'd have dumped me long ago.

Yeah, but there could be other reasons…

Which I'll make sure I'll never give you.

Cutie.

-[brakes squeal]
-[voice] Hey, let us pass!

S-Sweet.

Cutie.

[Tyagi] Dismissed for the day.

So, Your Honour,
any thoughts regarding my proposal?

Topo, you want the PDJ of this court
to introduce this as his first policy?

As his very first policy,

you want me to tell the High Court
that I've changed a font?

A font!

Topo, I simply don't understand what is
the problem you have with my policy?

My policy will tackle the issue
of case pendency.

People will say,
"Tyagi's made such a bold move here."

Whatever. Font change.

Not while I'm alive, Your Honour.

Your Honour, here in this office,

words like bold, impactful, courageous
are considered bad words.

The only one that's worse
is the word visionary.

Oh, I see.

So, which words according to you
count as praise in this office?

Adequate, budget-friendly,
and the very best one, Your Honour,

balanced.

These allow us to work
in sync with the system.

Topo, I want my new policy
to grab the entire system

and shake it about real hard.

Shake it all you want, Your Honour.

But before you shake it,
you need to stroke it a little, right?

-I'll come back later, Your Honour.
-Okay.

Your Honour, all I am saying is that

we'll go a lot further
if we take everyone along with us.

A single leaf cannot give shade,
Your Honour.

Topo, Tyagi has always been one to do
what no one else can.

You just get this policy
implemented anyhow.

I want to start my tenure
in the High Court on a high note.

Hey, PP. What's up?

-Your Honour, I had a request.
-Yes.

Now the Harry versus the state of Delhi
case is tomorrow.

-Uh-huh.
-If you could push back the date a little…

Mr PP, a few minutes earlier
and you would have got it.

Judge Tyagi only just implemented
a brand-new policy.

What?

Cases that are five years old or more
will get top priority.

There will be no adjournments
given for them.

[laughs] Your Honour.

Hmm?

Starting off with a bold move.

Hmm?

[inhales deeply]

PP, this is the 10 grams
of cannabis case, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

In which no evidence
has been presented yet.

-Yeah, yeah. But--
-Just listen to me.

-It's been adjourned 26 times already.
-Yes, yes.

So, why-why do you want another one? Why?

Your Honour, if you have the hearing,
there'll be hell to pay.

It'll shake up the whole system.

-Shake up the whole system?
-Mm-hmm.

-How exactly?
-[stammers]

-The cannabis that the police confiscated?
-[Topo] Yeah, yeah.

The rats ate it up.

The whole thing.

[chuckles] You're certainly starting
on a high, Your Honour.

[opening theme music plays]

[music stops]

[typewriter keys clacking]

You b*stards! I'm going to get each
and every one of you!

You are sitting on the ramp
for the disabled.

-Get lost.
-Have you no shame?

Hey, idiot. This ramp is for lawyers.
It's not for losers like you.

Hey, put me down, you idiot.

Carefully. What do you think I am?

My Lord, to demonstrate the seriousness
of this case,

I would like to put a couple of questions
to the ladies and gentlemen present here.

Thank you.

So, how many people here know

where the nearest hospital is
to this courthouse?

One, two.

That's it. Ah, three.

-Only three people know where it is.
-Mmm.

And now tell me

how many of you know which is the nearest
liquor store from this courthouse?

-I know! I go there every day.
-Oh, look at that, Your Honour.

Look at that. [laughs]

Two, three, four, five, six, eight.

This is-- Your Honour?

[stammers] All right, all right.
Proceed. Please, proceed.

As far as society is concerned,


Having said that,

when a medicine is found ineffective,
the medicine is blamed.

But when a liquor is found ineffective,
the consumer is blamed.

This is very wrong, Your Honour.

My poor client, Mr Punit,

-spent his entire day's wages on--
-Three-thirds.

-Sorry?
-Three-thirds wages.

-Right, so…
-Mmm.

…he spent three-thirds of his daily wages

on a quarter of country hooch
from his shop.

-[Punit] Hmm.
-Why?

-So he could drink and get a good kick.
-Hmm.

But after drinking it,
he didn't get a kick at all.

He didn't get a high, My Lord.

So now the question arises,

where did the punch and kick
in this man's country hooch go?

-[Sujata] Objection, My Lord.
-[Judge] Please, please, please.

-The kick was right there.
-Hmm?

It's his client who was out of it.

-Mr Punit?
-Hmm?

Tell us, when were you fired
from your last job?

Mmm, three years ago.

[laughs] Where is your wife and child?

Hmm? I have a child?

Yes, you have a child.

-[chuckles]
-[crowd murmurs]

She didn't tell me she was pregnant
before she dumped me.

-She was. She was pregnant. Yes.
-She was?

Mr Punit, you are addicted to alcohol.

Not at all!

-Mmm.
-I'm a social drinker.

My Lord, he's a big-time alcoholic

who's more in denial than he's drunk.

Now it's up to the court

whether they want to waste precious
court time listening to an alcoholic.

So, you do admit it, right?

That my client here is
a hooch-loving hardcore alcoholic?

-Of course!
-Hey!

Uh, no offence.
It's just for the sake of argument.

So, this is exactly what we want.

That my client be seen not just
as a victim in this case,

but as an expert on the subject.

Mmm.

And he feels that this bottle of
country hooch should be investigated.

Yes. That's it.

Do you have any objection,
Miss Sujata, to a lab test?

Why would I, Your Honour?
Please, go ahead.

That way, we will know
how much alcohol is in the bottle.

Uh, Mr Biren, send it for a lab test.

Adjourn.

You know, Vishwas…

-Nikunj is… is very nice.
-Yeah.

And, uh…

And he's sweet, and he's… he's kind, and--

Can we get to the "but" quickly?

But there's no spark.

-Spark?
-Yeah.

Come on, man. This spark has ruined
the whole marriage market.

What is it you women want?

A boyfriend or a bloody welder? Huh?

Spark, spark, spark. What is this spark?

-[groans]
-You need to feel it, bro.

So, no need to burn me.

People around you start feeling the heat.

Exactly!

-Go scare all the female monkeys. Go on.
-[laughs]

Exactly. Vishwas, you must have felt
a spark with within you too, right?

With Versha at first?

How can I feel something
that doesn't exist?

So… So then, what made you agree
to the marriage?

Timeline.

-Timeline?
-Look, government job at 25,

marriage at 30, kids at 31.

-Then, uh--
-Vishwas…

How can you love someone
going by a calendar?

Not love. Marriage.

Nice.

Um, firstly I… I don't believe in
this timeline nonsense of yours.

-But you guys--
-And secondly,

Can you just help me break up with Nikunj?

[inhales deeply, stammers]

I don't want him to feel that
I'm leaving him because he's…

-Um…
-MC?

-What?
-Middle class.

One minute. What did you think?

[laughs]

[phone beeps]

You actually think like that?

-[laughs]
-[phone beeps]

[Law, through phone] Cutie!
How about a lunch date, cutie?

Bloody hell.

[groans]

Your inventory shows that the cannabis
is in the police station storeroom.

That's right, Your Honour.

It's gone though. The rats ate it.

Rats eat cannabis?

-Yes.
-Sir, they can't smoke it. So they eat it.

[scoffs]

Yes.

They ate it.

Okay, prove it to me that
the rats ate the cannabis.

Uh, uh…

Your Honour, the rats eat, rope, clothes,
cardboard, paper, everything they find.

How do they get so hungry?

Cannabis.

Shush.

Appetite. Hmm?

And what's more, Your Honour,

Station chiefs from Mumbai to Michigan
have testified that rats ate the cannabis.

Your Honour, they're unstoppable.

Remand, third degree, custodial death,
we've tried everything.

Just like most hardcore addicts,
they have no fear of the police.

Well, Your Honour,
what greater proof do you need?

Has Tom ever defeated Jerry?

Wow.

Wow, what great evidence. Tom and Jerry.

-Now, Pepsu.
-Sir.

Tell me the truth.

Where did you sell the cannabis?

Nowhere, Your Honour.

Your Honour,
who sells 10 grams of cannabis?

If it was 100 kilos, then…

-What?
-Then?

We would still destroy it
after the lab tests were done.

Hey, adjust your collar.

Hmm.

-[sighs]
-Ah.

-So, PP?
-[stammers] Yes?

You were trying to save these guys' jobs
by asking for an adjournment, right?

[scoffs]

Your Honour.

[Tyagi] Will you tell the truth?

Where's the cannabis?

Your Honour, I admit
Pepsu's mouth is like a toilet.

But he hasn't done anything wrong.

The cannabis did disappear
from the storeroom. Yeah.

All right, then.

Let's go.

Go for an adjournment?

No.

For an inspection of the storeroom.

You should have told me
it was adulterated.

I wouldn't have let it go
for the lab test.

I never imagined the whole situation
would go this far.

-Only rich people demand quality.
-Hmm.

You think I'd dare adulterate booze
worth 8,000 bucks?

Now if poor people start demanding quality

how will the business survive?

It wouldn't have been
a problem if he was just poor.

But poor and disabled?

Your label on the bottle says 42% alcohol.

If they do a lab test,
how much will they find?

I think around 20 per cent.

[sighs]

-Will I go to jail?
-[Sujata] No, no.

You won't end up in jail,
but, uh, your licence could be cancelled.

No, no, no, madam. No.

This is our family business.

If it is shut down,
my son will be unemployed.

And what if he starts drinking
in his free time?

-[Mintu] Listen, Order.
-[Order] Hmm?

If you take the 'min'
out of Mintu, what are you left with?

Take what out of whom?

-Just 'tu'! Go and add two points, now!
-Yes, sir.

[Mintu] So,
guys, two more cases to my portfolio.

MINTU 3

That's what you call a true lawyer.

[chuckles, clears throat]

-Mr Thakur.
-[Thakur] Yes?

[inhales deeply] There's
only one option left.

[PP] Come, Your Honour.

Let's look for the cannabis.

[Tyagi] Just look at the state
of this place, for Heaven's sake.

How do you store
all the m*rder weapons here?

Your Honour, we preserve everything.

Look at that.

[rats squeaking]

That cycle's a m*rder weapon?

No, Your Honour, that rope is.

The previous officers left it here.

Your Honour, when you see
all this, you're probably thinking

that it's all their fault.

But it's not easy for them.

Yes, Your Honour,
the station is 33 years old.

The population is ten times what it was.

And the station is still the same size.

It's because of these infrastructure
problems that e-storerooms were started.

Then where is it, sir?

The room was allotted,
but the computers never arrived.

Even if you had computers,
would you know how to use them, huh?

Yes, I would, but the same story.

Budget! Budget! Budget!

Budget?

If what you say is true, Pepsu…

then my policy will not only reform
case pendencies,

but the whole system.

Now, Pepsu, you will come
to court and you will tell the truth.

After my judgement, you'll get
infra and budget, both together.

But, sir, won't this end
up humiliating the police?

If I come to court,
I'll tell the whole truth.

[Topo] Hey!

Are you trying to threaten the judge
with the truth?

[PP] No, no, no, no, no.
All he's saying is that

storerooms aren't just at police stations.

-Yes.
-[PP] Get it?

[chuckles]

Lunch is in half an hour. [clicks tongue]

How am I going to break up with Nikunj?

Tell me!

It's very simple, Ani.

Even Law doesn't want
to stay with you long-term.

It's just he doesn't know it yet.

Get it? [clicks tongue]

No, you didn't get it.
I'll explain to you.

-Sit down.
-[Ani scoffs]

[Vishwas sighs]

So, where do you see yourself
after five years?

[sighs] Wow. That's interesting.

-Um, I don't know, maybe--
-Quick!

Maybe in a legal service firm.

Changing the world. Winning an award.

And your partner?

Of course he's gonna be with me.

We'll change
the world together. [smacks lips]

-Hand in hand. One pro bono case--
-[Vishwas] Good. There. There you go!

That's it! Pro bono!

Free legal service.

As soon as he hears
those words, he'll dump you.

Look, he started his career
in a law chamber.

The thought of changing the world
will scare the inner MC in him.

M-Middle class.

And then,
you'll hear him say the three magic words.

I see.

[vocalising]

-[grunts]
-Nice.

Are you mad?

Nikunj wants to have a relationship.

You want me to
discuss the future with him?

Yeah.

-[Ani] That's so manipulative.
-Right.

And more importantly, Vishwas,

what if he agrees?

I'll just tell him the truth,
and he'll understand. [breathes heavily]

[Vishwas chuckling]

[Ani] He will.

He will.

[Vishwas grunts, chuckles]

Mr Biren.

You have to do absolutely nothing.

And for doing absolutely nothing,

you will receive

a whole year's supply of my country hooch,

and that too pure, not adulterated.

-Totally free.
-[Thakur] Of course.

And for doing absolutely nothing…

what do I have to do?

[chuckles]

You know the bottle, uh,
that's going for the lab test?

-Just replace that with this bottle.
-Okay, let me see.

-It's the same brand.
-[Thakur] Mmm.

[sighs]

-Madam.
-[Sujata] Hmm.

You want me to tweak an entry.

[Sujata] Hmm.

-[Biren] You want me to change a tag.
-[Thakur] Hmm.

I would have happily done

absolutely nothing,

but evidence tampering would be
a step too far.

They'd fire me from my job, madam.

Hey, listen, Yadav.

-Just come here.
-[Yadav] Coming, sir.

Take this evidence.

-And keep it carefully in the storeroom.
-Yes, sir.

-They'll need it for the lab test. Okay?
-Yes, sir.

Won't you do this much
for a long-time colleague?

[Biren] Not possible.

[chuckling] Hey, hey, hey.
You won't even do this much

for a long-time colleague?

Please, I will need it in the evening.

I'm sure you understand.

It takes years
before a case is resolved in court.

And people leave
their property to their kids.

What will you leave them? This court case?

But this case is against our children.

Not again.

These Bollywood movies have given you
all the wrong ideas.

So, what if your kids made
fake papers for the house?

After you're gone, they will get
the real papers, won't they?

Yes, sir, look at this.

Your kids just said
on Whatsapp that they won't throw you out.

-What further proof do you need?
-See?

So now you
just sign the settlement letter.

Here.

-Sign it.
-Go on.

Come on, sir. Why are you hesitating?
Sign it, please.

[Sujata] I see.

So this is how you're getting points,
by cheating.

Munshi sir wanted us
to provide relief for our clients. Hmm?

So, where is it written you can
only get relief in court, huh?

And the relief is
clearly visible on the client's face.

Sir, you haven't signed this yet.

[Mintu] Excellent.

-Thank you, sir.
-[Mintu chuckles]

-Okay. [chuckles]
-See you.

[vocalises]

-[Sujata sucks teeth] Move.
-[Mintu chuckles]

-Listen, Order.
-Yes, bro?

Can you think
of a single number that rhymes with 'low'?

Four.

[Mintu, Order chuckling]

I made a mistake.

This case should have gone
to the Bar President.

[scoffs]

[chuckles]

[PP] Your Honour,
this is the court storeroom.

If Stephen Hawking had come to Patparganj,

he would have discovered
the black hole a long time ago.

-Stephen Hawking?
-Yeah.

Here?

Where the notaries sit
on the disability ramp?

[chuckles grunts]

[Biren stutters] Your Honour…

Please, please, come.

-[Tyagi coughs]
-[birds flapping]

[blowing]

Wow.

Wow. My new policy will tackle

not just police reforms and pendencies,
but will also tackle evidence disposal.

[Topo] Your Honour.

You're being a little too visionary.

[Tyagi] Come on, Topo.

Someone has to be, isn't it?

Look at this.

Evidence from almost 15 years
ago is collecting dust over here.

Now, this place will be cleaned

only after my judgement.

[Biren] Your Honour.

Who is going
to sign the disposal document?

There are so many ongoing cases like this
in the High Court and Supreme Court.

-If they ask for the evidence, what then?
-Yeah.

-He's right.
-Yeah.

Your Honour, this is the actual truth.

Cases keep coming to court,
and the evidence keeps piling up in here.

That's why, Your Honour,
new evidence that should be kept here

is crammed into the police storeroom.

Then, they're not properly maintained.

And the rats eat up the cannabis.

[PP] And then, the thing is,

Your Honour,
we have to keep taking adjournments.

Not once, but 26 times.

You mean, the pendency above
causes the pendency below?

And the pendency here causes
the pendency above?

In that case,
how can the system be shaken up at all?

-Is this the--
-[evidence smashes]

[PP] Oh! Oh, my God!

It broke.

[Biren] Evidence tampering!

Look, I did this.

It was me.

[PP] Your Honour.

The system will take care of it.

You carry on.

Please.

Uh…

I better carry on too.

[Law] I already ordered this for you, Ani.

I told him to take you to a café.

Shambhu, Ani doesn't care
if it's a café or canteen.

She's not classist
like the other snooty types, hmm?

-[Shambhu] Vishwas, bro…
-Shut up.

[sighs] Exactly.

I was missing this stuff. [chuckles]

By the way, Nikunj, I was thinking, um…

We don't get to spend
much time together in court.

I was thinking the same thing.

We should take on some cases together.

-I was thinking the same thing.
-I know, right?

We're so similar, Ani. So similar.

Just today,
a very interesting case came in.

I was thinking
the same thing. We're so similar--

Pro bono.

Pro bono?

Yeah, pro bono.

I thought we can change
the world together,

-you know, hand in hand.
-[coughs]

One pro bono case at a time.

Um…

Mmm…

Uh…

Mr Thakur is a client of our chamber.

He wants his case to be fought by you.

And she has no problem with this?

Not at all. I don't have a problem.

You can take it.

-I know you do have a problem with it.
-[Munshi clears throat]

Mintu, sir. Don't take on this case.

The lab test
for his hooch is going to be a disaster.

This is not just a dud.

This case is dead on arrival.

Yes.

If you can't score any points,

cut the other guy's points.

If nothing else,
it will shatter his confidence.

Don't try to play chess with Sujata.

You'll get checkmated. [chuckles]

-This is going to be fun.
-[gavel bangs]

[attendees chattering indistinctly]

[horn honks]

[gasps]

What was that? Huh?

[stutters] Sorry, You Honour.

Madam, it's done.

What?

Absolutely nothing.

According to this report,
the country hooch is very potent?



[lawyer] No, Your Honour.
Something's very wrong here.

It cannot be 42% alcohol.

-It's just impossible.
-And I know my booze very well.

-Really?
-Its not like it's my first drink.

Your Honour, he has a VD problem.

-VD problem?
-VD problem?

-VD problem.
-What do you mean by "VD"?

-VD for virgin drinker. [chuckling]
-[attendees chuckle]

That's why he didn't get
a kick, Your Honour.

Because he's a virgin drinker--

You better watch your tongue, bro!

You think I don't know how to drink, yeah?

You'll teach me how to drink?

-I don't even add mixers, okay?
-[stuttering]

On the rocks. That's the way for me.

No snacks. No salted peanuts for me.

I drink it neat.

Okay?

Calling me a virgin drinker?

[grunts]

[chuckling]

I can suddenly walk?

Your Honour.

Ms Sujata.

You were very right.

[chuckling] The court shouldn't believe
what an alcoholic says.

[chuckles]

Yes, my Lord.

-[Shubhkela] Dismissed.
-[gavel bangs]

Look, you're fresh out of a break up.

So here's some hot, fresh food for you.

-Try it. Go on.
-[scoffs]

-I'm not going to have that.
-Why?

Apart from Mangesh
and Anand, they make the best snacks here.

-Just try one. Yeah, try it.
-It has…

[Vishwas] Yeah.

Try it.

-[Ani] Mmm.
-[Vishwas] Hmm?

-[chuckles] Told you.
-[Ani] It is so good.

The green sauce…

-Hey! It's hot in here.
-…they make is simply amazing…

-[lawyer] Switch on the fan.
-[Vishwas grunts]

[lawyer] It's getting very hot in here.

Adds the twist to the experience.

You're not the first one, Your Honour.

Every PDJ wants
big reforms when he arrives.

-The saviour syndrome.
-Ah.

What was Judge Besna's bold policy about?

-Corruption. [chuckles]
-[chuckles]

Your Honour, before shaking up the system,

you need to understand how it works.

And that takes time, Your Honour.

How much?

How much time?
How will we ever shake up the system?

Your Honour,
if you take the system with you

and stroke it
and cajole it, you will shake it

so much, you will shake it
so much, that it'll… [gasps]

I'll see you tomorrow.

-Your Honour.
-Oh, yes. Of course. Sure. Sure.

Your Honour,
what I really meant to say was,

pendency can be
the policy in your fifth year.

[sighs] Even so, Topo.

Tyagi's first policy will not be
a font change.

[stutters, sighs]

I have another idea.

What were you saying?

Why can't Stephen Hawking come
to Patparganj Court?

Well done, Tyagi.

Such a balanced decision.

Welcome to the system.

Now Patparganj Court
will be completely disability-friendly.

I've had all the ramps emptied out.

I'm having four more built.

[colleague] I've left Patparganj
in the right hands.

Well done.

Thank you, ma'am.

This is just the beginning.

-[horn honks]
-[PP] This way. Come, come.

I told you I'd get you kicked out of here.

Very good. Very good.

[voice] You've promised to marry me.

Don't go to someone else.

I'll snatch your peace, beloved.

Don't test me.