[indistinct hospital chatter]
[rubber snapping]
Is this your first experience
getting the prostate examination?
Precisely.
Why didn't you do it before this date?
-I don't know.
-I'll tell you why.
Because you think you're young.
I'm only 50.
And that's still sort of young, I think.
Well, my good Italian friend,
today is the big day!
Your adulthood starts now!
And it starts with a finger
up my a*s? Amazing.
-[lubricant squelching]
-And there will be a lot more.
Doctor I
I don't think I'm ready.
[whimpering]
May I choose the finger?
[girl] This man is my father.
"Father." Well, we better not go there.
Now, to you, he may look fragile, scared
He's sweet, isn't he?
Well, just a month ago,
he was very, very different.
Wanna know what he was like?
Okay, Doctor. Stop!
Let's go back a moment.
["Yo No Trabajo" by Checco Zalone playing]
Is there someone
Who wants to work here?
I do not work, because if I did
I'd get tired
And never fall in love, no
I do not work
Because you only live once
And it's not worth it
To sweat in the morning
Let's dance!
Promise me, baby,
You won't wake me up before noon
You have to promise me, baby
That I'll never work in my life
Love me, love me, love me
Pay yourself, pay yourself
Pay yourself
[man] Yes, yes, put those there.
The big braziers go in the garden instead.
-[Checco] Good morning.
-Oh!
[man] All right. Come on!
Nice to meet you. Um, Elizabeth Albridge
from People's Mosaic.
Zalone. Excuse the commotion.
Um, what are they doing?
Next month's my 50th birthday,
so I'm preparing a little party
for a few close friends.
Excuse me, sir.
Just confirmed the 800 invitations.
Have you seen the Tutankhamen pyramid?
Tutankhamen? That's for
the poor servants of Tutankhamen, Maurice.
Let's do something
that'll stand out in history, okay?
First team, tear it down!
-As you were saying.
-Um, I wanted to thank you.
Um, I'm writing an article on the new
Uh, how do you say it?
-Playboy Italian millionaires?
-Mm-hmm. That sums it up.
Many have refused,
but you've been so generous.
Well, look. It's always nice to show
wealth to people who can't afford it.
It lets them dream, right?
Come on. Dream with me.
So, um I've been gathering
some information about you.
Oh yeah? What did they say?
Self-centered person. Uh, eccentric.
Kind of egocentric.
Maybe, but people often talk
without knowing anything.
Um, do you live here in Sardinia?
-Kinda, sorta.
-[camera clicking]
Sometimes Rome, Milan.
I have a home pretty much everywhere.
Ah.
Ah, well, I see other than
the love for yourself,
there's another great love of your life.
My prized possession,
the most sentimental everything to me.
Here comes the tears,
because let's face it,
who doesn't love a Ferrari?
I have six. If you want, I'll show you.
No. The picture, it's your daughter?
Hey! Who put these pictures here?
Yeah, yeah. That's my daughter.
Um, what's her name?
-Cristal.
-Ah, Crystal. How sweet.
No. Cristal, like the champagne.
Um
Um, is she here today?
No. Cristal lives with her mom.
-Oh! Um, Linda Restelli?
-Restelli. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The model you were, uh, married to, right?
Precisely. And I left her,
that's important to add.
-Be sure to write that down.
-Okay.
And, how come you decided
to leave a model that was so beautiful?
Ah, I upgraded.
Got a new model of the model.
Even more beautiful.
Come on, I'll show you.
[Spanish guitar music playing]
Sugar buns! I'm doing an interview.
This is Martina.
-Hi, nice to meet you.
-My pleasure. May I?
-Please, sit.
-Sit down, sit down.
You have a few questions, don't you?
Ask her anything.
Um, how old are you? You look quite young.
-Twenty-five.
-And where are you from, Martina?
I'm from Mexico City.
But she never mentions which part.
She's a bit reserved.
Yeah Um, but tell me
A rich 50-year-old man like you
dating a beautiful Mexican model
that's quite young
Aren't you a bit embarrassed?
Well, look. For me,
origin has never been a problem. Never.
She could've been Bolivian, Argentinean,
but I'd pick anyone
[scoffs] like her.
Are you r*cist by any chance?
No, she has a residency visa.
But we reside mostly in the bedroom.
[laughing]
-Uh, but, no. I'm sorry.
-It's a sexy joke. Get it?
How long's the, um, relationship
between you two been going on?
Today happens to be one year.
[Checco] What do you mean, today?
Yes, today.
I was at least expecting flowers.
[Checco sighs]
Quite foolish of me.
How can I make it up to you?
How can I fix this?
[helicopter blades whirring]
[gasping]
["Amore Verdavero"
by Checco Zalone playing]
This is real love
Pure love
Like a diamond
Like a sapphire
Like the gold bars
I'm keeping safe in Switzerland
This is real love, true love
That doesn't care about money
Swear to me, sweet fairy
That you only went to bed with me
Was for love
This place is really beautiful.
Yes, maybe the villa is a bit small.
I have bigger ones,
but I'm very fond of this one.
Listen. What exactly is
the source of all this wealth?
[chuckling]
It doesn't fall from the sky,
that's for sure.
Write that.
Everything I possess
is a result of 60 years
of, uh, sacrifice and hard work.
I thought you're turning 50?
No, my father. Not me.
God forbid I work hard.
Come on. I'll introduce you to him.
Papa Eugenio. The Knight of Labor.
He's worked every single day of his life.
Papa even worked
the very day my mother died.
Imagine, a small upholsterer
from Southern Italy
who sets up the first
small sofa factory in the north.
Then, the big plant in Brianza.
We got our stock market listing.
But now, stroke.
Oh, poor thing.
[yelling] Papa!
I'm here with a journalist.
She's American.
You should be happy.
I'm showing her the wealth.
Isn't that good?
YouYou You
"You, you, you." You can't understand him.
It affects the language hemisphere.
You you you "You" might mean,
"You are my pet."
"You are my love." Who knows?
Doctor, tell me, might he ever talk again?
Hard to say. He's sadly unmotivated.
Papa! Life is beautiful!
Live a big beautiful life, Papa!
I don't work
Because if I work
I'm sure to get stuck
And not be in love
Let's dance!
And now what will you do together?
So we will travel around
all five of the continents.
Then we'll go back
to Sardinia to celebrate my love.
I'm fine with everything,
but why only five continents?
Let's do them all, yeah?
-[crowd] Let's do it!
-What, are we running short on gas?
[music continues]
[Cristal] It's true.
He's not short on anything.
He's got money, villas,
cars, boats, beautiful women.
He really has everything.
Linda? I'm in the middle of an interview.
Call me back a little later?
-[Cristal] Actually, no.
-[song stops]
He's missing something.
Last time you saw her was when?
-Yesterday morning.
-Mm-hm. Yes.
And we found her cellphone in the drawer.
Check her social media profiles?
Everything was deleted.
It was about time. Social propaganda
outlets posing as democracy.
[engine revving]
Okay. What's happening here?
What's happening is, Cristal is missing.
Did we carefully check the house?
500 square meters isn't a lot.
Who is this guy?
The owner of the property
and the girl's father, as well.
Oh. But aren't you her father?
No. Tarek is my companion living with me.
He's the father.
So-called father.
No. Speak louder, Star Trek.
Cristal. Her surname?
-Uh--
-Zalone. Zalone.
And a minor, is that so?
-Yes--
-A minor, yeah. A minor.
Date of birth?
Please. Let's be polite
and talk one at a time.
-No. Continue. Carry on.
-My place isn't to intrude.
Does anyone want to tell me the date?
I'll try. So, um
So it was the year
when Palma Noir opened in Ibiza.
Somewhere between 2007 and 2008.
It wasn't summer yet.
15th of April 2008.
April. It was April, I helped. [chuckles]
It was easy, right?
What kind of girl is Cristal?
Well, she's a victim of
a societal competitive alienation
that consigns every individual
to their existential loneliness.
Do you understand
why my daughter ran away?
Try to listen to this guy every day.
Ms. Restelli, could I have
some recent photos of Cristal?
Of course, come with me.
Do we have them?
-Excuse me.
-Hm?
But your ex-wife is Linda Restelli?
The model?
You recognize her despite her collapse?
Here, check her out. Look.
[officer 2] Oh
Man, she really changed.
But enough with fashion.
Now I do theater research.
Theater research?
She's searching for a theater.
Nobody wants her, she's a dog.
Don't go see her, yeah?
What does he do?
The f*ck should I know?
He's a screenwriter, director
Original guy.
Original. Very original.
Look, he's the only Palestinian
who occupies a territory.
Gaza. Mi Gaza tu Gaza, here.
Mh-hmm.
Good. Now we can start searching.
Yes, but we're exaggerating.
Too much alarmism.
My daughter will be back tonight.
We're not exaggerating.
-Do you know what Corina did?
-[sighs] Who is this now?
Cristal's best friend, Corina.
She jumped off her balcony.
That one! You got it?
The chunky one? You gotta be kidding me!
-It's your fault!
-Mine?
And people like you who say "chunky."
Those who use a*usive, stigmatizing
verbiage brimming with disdain.
And fortunately, Corina survived.
Because she's chunky.
She must've bounced. Right, Marshal?
Maybe if she was skinny
she might've snapped, eh?
But have you heard from this Corina?
How well does she know Cristal?
She doesn't answer the phone.
Um, first off, let's do this.
In uniform, we might scare her.
-I'll go to Corina.
-No, no, no, no. I'll go. I'm her father.
-Do you even know where Corina lives?
-You can come with me.
Move it.
Excuse me.
Can we keep the news a little private?
-Mm. Yes.
-You know, for my job.
I'd rather people didn't know about that.
She's an actress. Otherwise,
my daughter won't come back home.
Can we move it?
[engine revving]
Two hours. No way.
I'm telling you,
you must be delicate with Corina.
She's in therapy now
for her acute eating disorder.
There she is.
Corina! Hi.
Can you come down?
Take the stairs, Corina.
A little more precise with the kid, huh?
When she comes down,
let me talk to her, okay?
Yes, but make yourself clear.
Cut the high-brow fancy sh*t.
I swear.
Okay.
Bye.
-Well? Nothing?
-She doesn't know anything.
How can she not
know anything about my daughter?
You don't know anything about Cristal.
Not her life. Or her fragility. Nothing!
You only believe in
the thaumaturgic power of your wealth.
You don't know what it means
to raise a daughter.
No, I don't know what thaumaturgic is.
Is that what you said to her?
She got annoyed. Yeah.
Look, you'll never find her anyway.
-I'll look on my own.
-Oh, yeah?
Hey, I won't find her?
Hey, Star Trek! I'll find her, Star Trek!
f*ck off, already!
You don't know what a trauma-turd can do.
And last night, I gave her a new ID
and a new phone with a SIM card.
Good.
Who's the guy in the Ferrari?
Cristal's father. He's a dickhead.
Hey, watch out. I think
that dickhead's coming over here.
-God, no.
-[Checco] Hey, Corina!
Corina? Can I talk to you for a second?
Talk about what?
I mean, in private, though?
Good evening, Mr. Zalone.
-Here you go.
-Please.
Come, come, Corina.
Have you really never been
to this three-star restaurant?
Look. I've been to all of them,
but I must've missed this one.
Oh, that's a shame because
Martin Ruggeri,
the chef, is extraordinary.
He revisits classic
Roman kitchens for inspiration.
Please, please.
Sophisticated. Go on, look.
[waiter] Gricia with seven peppers,
with Sienese cinta foam,
and smoked Amatrice guanciale.
I know.
And for you, tonight.
Kombu seaweed on a bed of chickpea hummus
I chose a light plate for you, okay?
If you want, I'll bring gricia for you.
-Uh
-No, no, no, no.
She needs to follow
a rigid diet. It's very strict.
Right, Corina?
What do you want from me?
I haven't seen Cristal.
Nothing, Corina. I just want
to meet my daughter's best friend.
Okay. We, as parents,
are often so busy with work
You sit around all day, partying.
The f*ck are you talking about?
[laughing] All right.
So, my daughter told you
fun facts about me.
That really fills my heart with joy.
Mm.
Listen, where are you from?
From Moldova.
Moldova.
Well, then I'm sure
you suffered from famine, in your region?
Pretty much starving here, too.
Look, this is unrivaled.
Braised oxtail stew with Chteau-du-Pape.
But yours looks better.
Listen, Corina. May [clears throat]
You might've forgotten
where Cristal told you she's--
No. For the love of God,
she told me nothing!
Shh! Hey, calm down. Stop yelling.
What are you upset over?
Because I'm f*cking hungry, dude!
Excuse me, she's sorry.
-Come on, finish your dinner.
-[grunts]
You know, Corina,
I'm really happy for my daughter,
because she can count
on a really loyal friend.
I mean, someone else
would have told me where she went.
Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port
-Where?
-Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port.
[melodic accordion music playing]
[Cristal] I'm in France,
in Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port,
the town where
the French Camino de Santiago starts.
[music continues]
And this, is where
you get the credential for the Camino.
Hi, welcome. Here, come on.
Come in.
[music fades]
Italian?
Yes, Italian.
Can I see your ID?
It's your birthday today?
Yeah.
This picture makes you look young.
Mm. Yeah, I get that a lot.
Annette?
[Annette] Problem?
An 18-year-old.
What luck!
[relieved laugh]
[accordion music resumes]
So, these credentials need to be stamped
in every town along the Camino.
Buen Camino.
Yes, thanks.
Good morning.
Okay, let's begin!
Ah!
These signs, with the shell and the arrow,
will be all along the Camino
and show the way to Santiago.
The first part might be difficult.
Something like 25 kilometers.
First, I'll climb the Pyrenees
up to 1,500 meters
before arriving in Spain.
We begin at this arch.
And this is my first step
[cell phone ringing]
Oh! You called me just as I'm about
to take the first big step on the Camino.
Cristal, your father came by last night.
You didn't say anything, did you?
-[car horn honking]
-[engine revving]
[Cristal] Corina, you b*tch!
[Checco] Cristal!
Cristal!
Cristal!
Stupid, arrogant, ignorant as*h*le.
-Oh, but I'll be the one to find Cristal.
-[Linda] Tarek, Tarek!
Checco found Cristal!
-Really?
-Yes!
[clicks tongue] Where are they?
He said you know everything about Cristal
and that you'll find her.
Cristal definitely needs to come home.
She can't stay with that man,
it'd be a fate worse than hell for her!
Oh, sweet Lord, our savior.
Heavenly Father, let the angels
take care of your servants.
Goddammit, Jesus Christ.
What were you thinking, Cristal?
[priest] The walk may be difficult
and the enemy will try to attack
What's making you do this, Cristal?
Oh, but, who are these people?
What do you think you're doing among them?
Everyone here's dressed so unpresentably?
Huh?
Who are they?
Not responding.
Excuse me, who are you?
We're pilgrims, we're here
to receive our blessings.
[priest] see through His eyes.
Listen here, Cristal. We have to go home
because, tomorrow morning,
your father, at six o'clock punctually,
has to be on the boat.
I will not do as you ask.
Oh, no? All right then,
since you're not doing that,
that just means
I won't give you this gift.
It was a whole lotta money.
A cute little handbag.
I'm good with my backpack, so, no.
That's so sad.
[sobbing]
That's so sad.
See what these young kids
are like these days?
Have people totally lost their values?
Just think, I had to bother a minister
just to get this one, right here.
[sighs]
[priest] One word
Allow me to do something for you.
Outside, there's a Ferrari.
It's the Portofino. So amazing, it's true.
It's yours, okay?
When you get your permit, it's yours.
I want you out.
I'm doing the Camino.
So, tell me.
Where do you feel like going? Hmm?
To the Cathedral of Santiago.
Okay. We go first to the cathedral.
From there, straight
to our mother, Cristal.
[priest] As long as he has you.
Excuse me.
Might be difficult
to go home tonight, you see.
-Why?
-It's 800 kilometers away.
[yelling] What?
But in a month, you can go home.
No, no, no, no, no.
Excuse me, Father Depardieu.
No, no, no. I'm sorry,
but these aren't pilgrims.
Seems like a psychiatric ward.
-But, for my daughter
-[door slams]
Cristal! She's gone! Cristal!
[jaunty music playing]
So, Cristal, what have we decided?
Wanna get in?
It's been like three hours of walking.
My arms are pretty tired, Cristal.
Don't you have pity for your father?
Hey?
So, you are very insensitive.
I'm sorry but it's true, I must tell you.
[horn honking]
-[honks]
-Will you move aside?
This guy
Bro, you can't do
the Camino of Santiago in a Ferrari.
This is the Camino of Maranello.
Comfortable and mellow.
Cristal!
[man] Look, we made it.
My feet were really starting to bother me.
They say if you can make it
to this first stretch, you're good.
I never imagined it would be so big
[Checco] Look what
I've had to do today, look.
-This is the Virgin of Biakorri.
-[Checco] Ah.
The virgin of shepherds and pilgrims.
She accompanies poor travelers
on the Camino.
But, for rich pilgrims like us,
we must return home.
She says, "Why are you among the poor?
Don't you have it all?"
Where is the lie?
We don't want to lie to the Virgin.
She knows all about my money.
The Virgin is a Yellow Flame,
did you know that?
Cristal, let's go. Get in the car.
Virgin of Biakorri, you're so stubborn.
I mean, who did you take after? Huh?
[upbeat music playing]
[Cristal] I was really hoping
to turn around and not see him anymore.
-But he was still there. Stuck to me.
-[engine revs]
[Checco] Cristal, we made it to Spain.
Can you believe it?
And we haven't even
had anything to eat yet.
Oh look, there's a seafood restaurant!
Look, there.
Excuse me, is this
a good restaurant for fish?
[laughing]
Nuh-uh. It's not a good fish restaurant.
The meat's good then?
Oh, a steakhouse! Cristal!
Let's go to a steakhouse, darling.
[music continues]
[indistinct chatter]
All right. Cristal,
please tell me what we're doing here.
Cristal?
Excuse me, ma'am? Where are we going?
-It's a hostel.
-Pardon me?
It's where we're sleeping.
Damn it. Cristal!
There are five-star hotels
where people like us can go!
Please have mercy.
Hmm. There it is.
I'll keep this for you.
[playing jaunty folk music]
Tomorrow is the San Fermin Festival
and we are fully booked.
But, for one night only, we can
provide you with deluxe accommodation,
in the suite of Ernest Hemingway.
Wait, I'm supposed to sleep
with a man I don't know?
Hmm. Um
Just so you know, I don't think
Hemingway is returning tonight.
Then, no problem.
Good night.
Good night.
[ringing]
Oh.
Sugar buns.
[Martina] My love. We had to stop
on the French Riviera.
There's been a tragedy.
[Checco] What happened?
The ice maker's broken down again.
Oh, no.
These c*ck are warm!
Come on, I'm dying!
This is not fun.
[Checco] Guys, I'm so deeply sorry.
Tomorrow, I'll send
my team of technicians over, okay?
But when are you coming?
Sweetie, I know my daughter.
Tomorrow, she'll have
had enough and go home.
Hurry up, I miss you. So come back. Ta-ta.
What a day. Phew.
First time in Pamplona, sir?
Yeah, it's my first time.
I'm here for my daughter, who feels
that she must do the Camino de Santiago.
Mine used to bug me about the Camino,
not anymore.
Why?
She's a minor.
[Spanish guitar plays]
I told her: "Next year you'll be
old enough to do it on your own".
Your Cristal, sir.
Sir?
DATE OF BIRTH
APRIL 15, 2007
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
I'll show her what's wrong with this.
[Checco] So? What are we doing?
Falsifying documents?
Huh? Do you think I'm a senile old man
and don't know when you were born?
You don't know sh*t about me!
Whatever, just go away.
Do not talk like that
to your father, Cristal.
You? You want to be a parent?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at the credit card
and see whose name's on it.
And if you don't stop it now,
I'm gonna limit your spending allowance.
To 500 euros.
No! That's too much, though.
No, no. See, when she needs it, it's okay.
So, this is how
you straighten them out.
This walk is just a phase.
Just another phase you won't see through.
Like everything else
you try and do, Cristal.
Just like you did with figure skating,
then sailing, then horseback riding.
At least, I'm trying to do something!
You've never done
a damn thing, that's for sure!
Yeah, true. It's true.
But I'm very fond
of doing nothing, Cristal.
My only consistency is me doing nothing.
When I start feeling,
maybe I might do something.
No, consistency, I tell myself. Come--
I don't want your credit card!
You controlled Corina,
but you can't buy me.
Oh, yeah? And who did you bribe
to make this ID as fake as you?
You're the fake!
No, no. I am real.
I'm so real,
I'm exactly as you see me.
-[gasping]
-A real dickhead!
Oh, little baldy!
-[laughing]
-No, no, no, no, no, no. It's a patch.
It's a patch cover, you guys.
You ignorant asses.
Cristal! You have lost your mind
if you think anyone
dares say "dickhead" to your father!
-[chanting in Spanish] Go, dickhead!
-Good evening.
We have here the dickhead of the festival!
But since he's Italian, folks,
they have awarded him the title
Dickhead of San Fermn.
Go, dickhead!
[reporter] But let's see the video
of how he earned this crown of Dickhead.
-[inhaling sharply]
-Mother Mary.
That's insane.
What made you want to park here?
[crowd laughing]
In Italy, I normally park like this.
Because maybe I'll see
a cat or two, uh a puppy.
In Rome, there's creatures,
but bulls never.
My people, it's time we crown
the Dickhead of San Fermn.
[all cheering]
How much is a Ferrari?
Mm. Don't make me talk about it.
Fortunately, I have five Ferraris.
And my father would pretty much say,
"Six is too much, six is too much".
How's that?
-You're very well prepared!
-Always.
[singing in Spanish]
They're all over the world
I kinda like the song.
An unrivalled party
Riau! Riau!
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
I brought your cover.
No, thank you. Tomorrow,
I'll see my trichologist in Milan.
He'll make it much blonder.
Have you decided to leave?
Do you feel I should stay
with my demon of a daughter?
[chuckling] That's what I was thinking.
Cristal is searching for her father.
No. Her father went looking for her.
It would've been better
had I never found her.
I think you should stay.
Why don't you come
walk the Camino with her?
I should travel the Camino?
Because that might be a good idea?
I walked the Camino de Santiago.
Mm.
I also walked the Camino de Santiago.
In fact, I came back last week.
It was stupendous.
-[woman] See, he walked it too.
-[Checco] Him?
[woman] If he can do it, you can do it.
We should probably find out when he began.
Must have started in 1982.
So what's the plan?
Listen, I don't even have
proper equipment for that.
My things were destroyed.
To walk the Camino,
you only need the essentials.
Also, I'm Alma.
Shall we go?
[exhales]
[jaunty music playing]
Sure you brought everything?
You said: "Just the essentials".
But if I need more things, don't fret.
Shopping is my passion.
No, no, no, no, no.
The rule is, you do not need a backpack
more than 15% of your body weight.
-Oh, really?
-So, you might need to lighten your pack
or put on weight.
Bad idea. I care
a lot about my appearance.
I'm with a model. What would she say?
How old is she?
Okay. So, the rule is
that my women shouldn't be
older than 50% of my age.
Oh. Looks like
I'm out of the contest, you know.
I'm only 40.
Well, I would hope that you do have a man.
Ah. We might say that
I'm doing the Camino for him.
[Cristal] I'm at the Alto del Perdn.
Behind me are sculptures
of the Walking Pilgrims.
Look at this wonder.
Look at the beauty. Look at the
Surprise!
Will you please piss off
and go the f*ck away, you as*h*le!
I mean, she treats me
like I'm a friggin' idiot.
No way, Alma. She friggin' hates me.
No, she doesn't hate you. She loathes you.
Oh, yeah? You know what? Fine, then.
Maybe I'll go and see
if your mother will come deal with you!
Monster!
-Hey, Checco. Come back.
-No, no, no.
I can't do it.
What am I supposed to do with her?
[Alma] You have to be patient.
The Camino's long. A lot can change.
Things that you could never even imagine.
[sighs]
Come. Let's take a break, Checco.
[mournful harmonica playing]
[Checco sighs]
All right, Alma. Let's get moving.
And where's your stuff?
Let's just go.
[Cristal] We are at
the Puente de la Reina,
a bridge built by Queen Munia
to let the pilgrims pass.
So, we bow in her honor
as we cross barefoot.
Like me.
And like all the others on the pilgrimage.
Actually, not everyone.
Some people are quite arrogant
and think they're better than God!
-Take them off. Come on.
-Okay, sure. It's all right.
See, look, I'm taking them off,
I'm taking them off. You see?
Limited edition, 3,800K.
It's the queen who bows.
-Clear?
-All right, come on.
No, there are shoes, and there are shoes.
Cristal, they're off!
Cristal! Crist ah!
-The queen was a wh*re. Ugh. A b*tch!
-[Alma] Come on! Keep walking. Walk.
But where is this place?
[Alma] We're almost there.
Nothing, huh? He's not picking up.
Who's not?
Professor Limberti.
Pretty much lead plastic surgeon
at San Raffaele.
For a blister?
Huh? Uh
-It's serious.
-[laughing]
I can pop it for you.
Yeah, but I'm gonna have a scar.
And how can I get on a boat?
Blemishes among us are not, uh
They're not very accepted.
-[bell ringing]
-Good afternoon.
Brothers and sisters,
good afternoon. Welcome.
Oh, thank you so much.
-Many blessings.
-Thank you.
Thank you very much, brother.
God bless you.
Welcome, my friend! Much gratitude.
Cristal, let me. Cristal!
I'm her father. Let me pay.
-Ah, come on.
-Ah.
You have POS?
No. No, I don't have a POS.
What about IBAN? Or maybe a wire transfer?
It's okay. Come, come. Please, just go.
-We might be a little arrogant.
-Let's go.
-Thank you so much. Thank you.
-Thank you.
[man] Man, I need a shower.
Maybe I'll get something to eat.
Checco, come. Come, come here.
Where should I sleep here?
I know that you typically
would be somewhere nice,
or in the best hotels in the world.
Only the most exclusive.
Right. But now you're here,
with your daughter.
Show her how happy you are
to be together with her. Okay?
I'll try to.
Wow, it's so amazing here!
It's stupendous, very pretty. Delightful!
My, look at all the wood they used.
-Ah, beautiful!
-Creative, extremely elegant.
It looks like
like being in a film!
Oh, yeah? Which one?
Schindler's List.
Let me check out the showers.
My friend, turn it on and let me see.
[water running]
Oh! See? It's not spraying gas!
No, this is really, really nice.
Perfect, Cristal. Fantastic.
[rhythmic pounding, clapping]
What we have here is the blessing rap
[all] What we have here
Is the blessing rap
When we pray, we like to sing and clap
When we pray, we like to sing and clap
Extend out our hands
Extend out our hands
-Put back our hands
-Put back our hands
And with this rap
We are all now blessed
[clapping]
Nice. Original, Cristal.
It's original rap. Uh, it was great.
Now, let's take a moment to search inward
as Christ did when he stood amongst those
who could not partake in
the sustenance of the Lord's blessings.
What did he say?
He said, "Think about those
who don't have a meal to enjoy".
Oh.
And what about those who have to eat it?
Who thinks about them?
[priest] Enjoy your dinner.
[Checco] Enjoy, enjoy.
Thank you.
Hmm. Excuse me, who cooked?
The chef, who is it?
Ah. Hiroshi.
Oh, you? The Japanese guy. You? No.
Everyone, please, a round
of applause to Hiroshi!
To the chef! Well done, buddy.
Well done, well done.
Perfect.
-It's my specialty.
-Mm.
Ah, so, tell me, in Japan
Karate, was it invented
after tasting your cooking?
No? Forgive me, Hiroshi.
I, um
Don't cook anymore. No more.
[Checco sighing] What the f*ck
did he put in this sauce?
It won't even come off, ugh,
with muriatic acid, huh?
[cell phone vibrating]
Sugar buns!
Darling, the ice machine.
No one seems to be handling the issue.
And we have
another problem.
What else happened?
Martina, don't make me agitated.
Checco, we wanted
anchovy canapes and simple butter.
[Checco] There's plenty, guys.
I have plenty.
They're not from the Cantabrian Sea!
And who put them aboard my yacht?
Sweetie, it's been a disaster.
All the girls decided to leave me.
[Checco] Martina, listen to me.
You and I,
we'll get back on our feet, I promise.
I love you.
No way, I can't do this.
I can't be here. I did my best now.
Ah! Are those more pots?
-[clattering]
-Did you know, Cristal?
Papa is really enjoying
scrubbing these pots! [laughs]
If you don't believe me, it's true!
Hello, I'm Alma.
Um, many pilgrims walk
the Camino in order to find themselves.
And I walk the Camino for, uh
for the courage
to lose a bit of myself.
I am Gianni,
and I am blind.
And I always asked my friend Riccardo
to accompany me on this journey.
But he was married and never had time.
Then, fortunately,
him and his wife separated.
[sobbing]
And now, I'm the one accompanying him.
What What's this for?
It's the candle circle.
All the pilgrims
tell their story to each other.
Hello, everyone. I'm Leo
and I'm here because I felt the, uh
need to go on a journey
that was spiritual,
and encounter the light
that's deep inside.
[Checco chuckling]
Shh.
I am Cristal and
I'm a girl that doesn't want for anything.
Very true.
[Cristal] I really have
everything in abundance.
That's my daughter, my baby.
It's very true. She has everything.
But it's not enough anymore.
How come? But, but
But she could've told me.
I would've added more funds in her bank.
So humiliating.
So, I decided to walk
the path of the Camino,
because I needed
to find something authentic
that was missing in my life.
Oh no. Everything I gave her
has been the original.
This lack of authenticity makes me
live moments of darkness and pain
that I hope to overcome.
No, no. Excuse me, ma'am. It's late.
Hi. Hello, everyone. I'm Checco,
and Cristal, maybe out of embarrassment,
doesn't say it, but she's my daughter.
Um, you see, Cristal,
I may never have told you,
but your dad also had a dark moment.
It was way back, when I was about 25.
I had gone to New York
to purchase the Nautilus 5711,
which, I imagine you know,
it's the Patek Philippe that
must absolutely not be missing
in any watch collection.
But when I got to Manhattan,
I had to confront tragedy.
The jewelry store
had burned to the ground.
It was destroyed. My dream was gone.
It was a really hard blow.
But, from that day on, I knew that
you have to let things float away and go.
Cristal, that day
left a lasting impression on me.
It was the 11th of September 2001.
And this is meant to tell you,
when the darkness comes,
there is always a light, Cristal.
Believe me.
[blows]
[Cristal] I hated him with all my heart.
I hoped he would disappear forever.
And instead, he was there,
a few beds away.
-[man snoring]
-Yo
Look where the f*ck I ended up.
[sighs]
[dog whining]
No, come on. Not the dog. No.
The dog. No, come on.
[fly buzzing]
You don't mind that
he sleeps here, do you?
If so, I can sleep here.
No, no. Better with the
dog. I really like dogs.
Jesus Christ.
[Leo] Checco?
Huh?
I'm Leo. Do you remember me?
Mm, spiritual journey guy.
Eh. In reality, I use the Camino
to find the baddest chicks.
[squeaking]
In the prime of her life, eh?
Does her mom know?
Yeah. [laughs]
So, Olga dropped something under the bed.
You mind giving it for me, please?
[Checco sighing]
You f*cking nasty mother--
The hell with you.
That old lady, her freaking dentist.
Everything's fine.
Nice, nice, nice, darling. Very nice.
[melancholy music playing]
[dog barking]
Hello.
Hey, Cristal. Have you seen Checco?
No, and I hope I never see him again.
I want to walk alone.
Of course. Enjoy the Camino.
Bye.
[church bells tolling]
[faint snoring]
Oh! Hey!
Hey! Get up, get up! Come on! Let's go!
Go! Go, get up! Let's go! Go!
Oh, my. Juan, turn off
all those bells, please.
-What are you talking about?
-A bit of respect.
Get moving! Everyone's already gone.
-Okay. Let's do this.
-You'll have to walk in the sun.
-Hurry.
-Can I have a coffee?
A coffee, yes. A croissant, as well.
No, come on! Let's go, go, go.
-Easy. Don't
-Come on, you don't have time.
-Please.
-Where can I change?
-I don't know where you can change?
-There a vacant crypt?
Crypt? Come on, now!
Are we that disrespectful? Come on.
So what do we really consume
sitting at the bar? We consume ourselves.
The authority grants us
our out-of-cell hours,
but lock us up again
even more obedient in our sl*very.
But we must figure out
how to free ourselves from all this.
But calmly, very calmly.
Tarek!
Excuse me.
All right, when is he returning Cristal?
He's not answering.
I keep calling his phone.
Tarek, I was thinking
it would be good for Cristal
to spend some time with her father.
[Tarek] What are you saying?
Cristal can't be with him,
she deserves better.
[dramatic Spanish music playing]
What is this place?
Is anyone here?
Hey, a human!
Excuse me, for the Camino de Santiago,
is this the right way?
Which Camino are you doing?
French Camino? British Camino?
The Portuguese Camino?
Um
I walk like this. You tell me.
A dipshit Camino!
Oh. Where is it?
I'm searching for my daughter.
Cristal! Is this
what you do to your father?
[woman whimpering, sobbing]
Help! Help!
-Cristal! What happened, Cristal?
-[groaning]
[moaning]
Oh, God dammit.
Okay, here. What happened?
I fell down here.
Ah, my ankle! [sobbing]
Ah! Stop! Stop, my leg!
What? You maybe felt like
Indiana Jones, huh? Huh?
[whimpering]
You're a princess, Cristal.
Get that through your thick skull,
once and for all,
You don't go into the woods.
Party life. Happy hours. Bars.
Look. Look, look.
See that? When you go dancing,
that doesn't happen, Cristal.
[sobs]
-[Checco] It'll pass. Stay calm.
-[Cristal] Ah, stop.
-Stay calm.
-I said I need a break!
Stay calm. Baby, sit down. Sit down.
Let's see if someone passes by.
Nothing. What can we do?
[sighs] No, I can't believe it.
Cristal, do you see this?
Grandpa exported Italian products,
and now, we have to thank him. Hey!
-I'm the owner, Zalone.
-[truck horn blowing]
No, you're not dreaming, boy.
I'm the owner. It's me, Zalone!
[horn blowing]
I'm the owner! Stop, you b*stard!
It's an order, Stop!
Eh, when I get back to headquarters
in Brescia, I'm firing his a*s.
-In Monza! The headquarters are in Monza!
-It's in Monza?
You've never seen the place,
not even once!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Excuse me, excuse me!
Excuse me. Stop, stop!
It's an emergency.
-Hey! Move, move! I have a code red.
-[horn honking]
Move, for Santiago Bernabu's sake! Move!
I have a code tinto on board. Move. Move!
-Huh? Checco?
-Alma. Alma! Stop, stop, stop.
-Oh, she fell.
-What?
She shattered her ankle.
Come on. Go, go!
-I'm coming with you.
-Get in, get in.
Are you okay?
Can you please stop staring at me?
-[doctor] Keep it on ice.
-[Alma] Yes. I'll tell her.
Um, so, Cristal, there's no fracture.
But it is a really bad contusion.
You need to rest, okay?
-How much time will she need?
-Around 15 days.
-Hmm. 15 days?
-[doctor] Yes.
She obviously won't be able to walk.
No, no. Best not to try. No.
[exhales]
Just when I started
appreciating the Camino.
Don't act like you feel bad!
No, no. I mean, I feel your pain,
but it's over.
Okay. I'll organize
our return, I guess. Hmm?
[flaps lips]
Hey
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Relax.
-[sobbing softly]
But But why?
It's okay. Shh.
Yes, this is Mr. Zalone.
-The Extra Gold 1489.
-[woman] Hello, sir.
Actually, I need an immediate
medical flight out.
-So, ready a course.
-Of course, sir.
Or maybe a, uh, private jet
with a medical unit on board.
[woman] Mr. Zalone, what's your location?
Heh, good question. Look, I'm in Spain.
Um, it might be easier
if I send you my position.
What happened?
Cristal can't give up right now.
You must not go home.
But the medical staff said she can't walk.
What am I supposed to do about that?
You know what's possible
for a father if he believes?
Miracles, Checco. Miracles.
[sighs]
Sitting during the Camino, huh?
Good morning.
Ladies, you're also visiting Santiago,
looking for a miracle, right? Huh?
See, I took my daughter to see Medjugorje.
We also visited Lourdes, right?
Fatima Freaking t*rture, seriously.
But now we'll see this Santiago.
Well, he's a man.
So, on paper, he's more reliable.
-Have a good Camino.
-Goodbye!
-Can't believe this idiot. Absolute idiot.
-[Checco laughing]
It's not that wise man
Who shows you the way
["Buen Camino" by Checco Zalone playing]
It's not your aunt's brother
To whom you should pray
It's not the superhero
Who saves the child under stress
Also because I was
Minding my own business
[woman] It's not the picture
On your desk among your mess
It's not the puppy
That before leaving you caress
It's not that game
Guess who it looks like
A LITTLE HELP, PLEASE
[laughing]
Look at the eyebrows
[both] What is it then?
What's in there?
What DNA is in the air?
Stop it, hey!
That makes us find ourselves here
Without knowing the way
But whatever it is, whatever happens
Buen Camino
HOSPITAL FOR PILGRIMS
[song fades]
Thank you.
And you? Don't you have credentials?
[chuckling] Well, no, excuse me.
Hey, look here.
Should I continue?
These credentials. You need a stamp.
Oh, that's it?
Eh, I'll buy one. What's it cost?
[knocking on door]
I'm sorry. There's only
two beds available.
Say what?
Uh, they only have two beds.
[sighs]
Uh, question.
Where are you sleeping tonight, Alma?
[Cristal] That night, something I had been
hoping for, for a long time, happened.
That he would finally take
a nice bath in humility.
[gentle music playing]
Oh, your husband is dead?
Yes, poor thing.
-Ah, I'm single.
-[woman] That's good.
Bless these hands as they prepare to cook.
Okay, but I can't just forget about her.
-[Gianni] I told you to look around.
-Where? There's nothing here.
-What's wrong? What is it? What happened?
-[grunts]
Enough. I can't take it anymore.
I want to go home.
[Checco] Are you crazy?
Do you hear what she's saying?
Right now? Now that we've made it
to the end of the Camino?
[Checco] Oh. This is Santiago!
It's the halfway point of the Camino.
Oh. Right, sorry.
My my geography isn't
Right. I get it.
And how far is Santiago in kilometers?
Another 400 kilometers.
Um, maybe learn to read a map,
because you're misleading people.
-Come on. Let's go.
-No, no, no, no. I'm going back.
-I'm going home. I can't take it anymore.
-Go back? You can't.
-Hey, guys! My daughter wants to go home.
-I want to go back.
-[all groaning]
-Stop. Come on.
-[pilgrims chanting] Cristal!
-No. Come on.
-No! Let me go.
-You don't leave things halfway.
You don't leave things halfway!
Come on. You don't leave them.
-You do them with your dad!
-Ah!
-[chanting] Cristal!
-Stop! Let me go.
Let me go. Now!
You're under arrest, Cristal.
I'm taking you to the police.
Wait a second, Mrs. Restelli.
You tried to get your ex-husband
to come home with Cristal, is that it?
Yes, I've been trying for weeks,
but he won't listen to me.
Look, for us to intervene,
you'll first need to report him
for the abduction of a minor.
And the sooner, the better. Right, Linda?
Yeah.
Come with me.
In Anno Domini 2025.
Domino?
Domini. Are you Christian?
-Yes, yes.
-Sure.
So, in Anno Domini 2025,
infrascripto Linda Restelli
The undersigned.
Ah, the undersigned.
Lodges a report
Ah, lodges.
Supporting against
I suppose so.
To the detriment of Mr. Zalone.
Against!
Excuse me. Please,
could you maybe write it? Sorry.
["Cammina Cammina" playing]
Walk, walk
[Cristal] And here I am. Back on the road.
Well, it was really him who gave me
the strength to continue the Camino.
-[Cristal] Hello.
-How are you?
[Alma] Hello!
Welcome. Hi.
-This is nice, huh?
-Have a good Camino.
Walk with me
Ah, thank you very much.
Checco, we've been collecting donations
for the for the dinner.
Would you accompany
Father Tobas to get supplies?
-Yes, yes, I'll come with you.
-Will you?
We'll go buy it from a local farmer.
He's a friend.
That's great. You two
can do additional shopping.
We'll get food from the compound.
We buy the stuff and then, who cooks?
Uh, who's the cook tonight?
He is.
No! No. Let me do one thing.
I'll take care of it.
Since I want to celebrate my daughter,
who was limping
but then continued the Camino.
Um, okay.
Uh, pilgrims!
Tonight, I'll organize
what's for dinner. All right?
[all] Hooray!
I'll wait downstairs, Checco.
-Okay.
-Thanks, Checco.
What's up?
I don't want you
organizing any parties for me.
-Why?
-Because I know you.
You always get so grandiose.
We are here to share simple food,
bought with donations we collected.
Is that clear?
Cristal, your father has had
a big transformation on the Camino.
I understand a lot of things. A lot.
[Cristal] The truth is, I still had
a lot of prejudices against him.
But the Camino
seemed to be really changing him,
and I had to put my trust in him.
A lot of trust.
And anyway, he was with Father Tobas.
Let's go, let's go.
And he would have kept him
on the right path for sure.
-Let's get moving, farmer.
-No!
Checco. We don't have the money
to pay for this, you know?
There is providence.
-[gasps] No. No. No.No.
-Okay.
Here, try some. Try some.
-Mmm.
-Tastes good, huh?
-Mm!
-Uh, two.
-200 grams?
-200 grams, yes.
No. Two entire legs. Two pata negras.
["La Marseillaise" playing]
Mmm. Very good choice, sir.
It's a French wine of high quality.
Wonderful. You can
put it in here, and fill it.
Inside those?
Sure, sure, sure. Open it, pour it.
Yes. And here.
Checco. He said he can't, it's impossible.
-Why not? Hmm.
-Because my dignity has no price tag.
I have three Michelin Stars. Not possible.
[upbeat jazzy music playing]
-This is wonderful.
-Here, try this
The chef really did a great job.
This tastes amazing
All right! Hey, guys!
Let's make a toast to my daughter
with this home-made wine
from a local farmer!
[all] Yeah!
To Cristal!
[all chanting] Cristal! Cristal! Cristal!
[chanting continues]
There's no way this came from a farm.
You can't fool me.
I'm blind. I'm blind, I know.
Just for tonight,
you keep your mouth shut. Yeah?
And now, for a round
of applause to Miguel.
The farmer who
prepared everything. Miguel!
All right.
[Checco] Hey, Alma.
Are things with Cristal getting better?
Much, much better.
Let's just say that I've really gotten
to know her a lot lately.
Well done, Checco. A father that
can read his daughter's true feelings.
Actually, he read
his daughter's secret diary.
Oh no, Checco. No, why?
Hey, she deleted
all her accounts on socials.
How else would I find her secrets?
In her secret diary, no.
In there, I found many things
that made me worry.
Basically, she's had some
disappointments with love, right?
And now, she refuses anything material,
and wants to devote herself
to spirituality and prayer.
That's what she wrote.
Is she gonna
take her vows, you think? Hmm.
That would be a big problem.
No, Alma. That'll be catastrophic.
I only have my one daughter,
and if she's a nun
maybe she'll take a vow of poverty
and give everything to this guy, Leone,
who comes in and takes
everything from her. No!
That's not how-- Hey! Shh, shh.
She's coming, she's coming.
[Cristal] I'm going out with Alberto.
[Checco] Mm. With Alberto?
Yes.
-Problem?
-No. Why?
That's fine. Bye-bye.
-Get outta here.
-[Alma] Hm.
[Checco] All right, see ya. Goodbye.
Alberto?
Come back for a quick word. Let's talk.
So you're going out with my daughter?
Okay. I'll stop you right there.
I already know what you want to say.
Don't worry. Cristal told me
that she's a minor.
And I respect women and would
never try making her do anything.
You're not going out with my daughter.
You have to try, Alberto.
-What? You think my daughter's ugly? Huh?
-No, no. Well, she's nice, but
Then you have to try, okay?
You're handsome,
you're Italian, you're sympathetic.
Some banter with charm,
then you look her in the eyes,
it's a bit poetic
Yeah? And then stop, okay?
Don't go further. She's my kid, yeah?
And it's the first night.
-Promise me, Alberto. Yeah?
-Yeah.
Wait a sec. I'll give you this. Look.
-Borrow this.
-What's this?
No, no, no, no, no. I can't.
Shut up. This ups your chances by 56%.
It's unlimited. Come, come. Take it.
-Take it. Take it. Go on. Go, go, Alberto.
-Okay, fine.
Yeah.
Let's hope for the best, Alma.
Boy seems like a very good kid.
[people snoring]
Oh, another concert tonight.
-A symphony. It goes
-[classical music playing]
Listen, listen.
And now
-There.
-[fart]
Now, of course, I know you.
-[Leo] Checco.
-What?
Got myself a hot date.
[squeaking]
[chuckling] I'm sure
she misses the nursing home.
Enjoy your night.
This one walks and f*ck, walks and f*ck.
Here, we have sleep apnea.
They might be somewhat dead.
-[snoring]
-There.
Here is the jazz area.
Everyone snores in their own f*cking way.
[classical music fades]
-Hey, Alma. Still awake?
-Mm-hmm. Yes.
-How come?
-I was thinking.
About your man, right?
Yeah.
He wants me
to surrender completely to him.
Mmm.
Well, Alma, this is a classic
pathological narcissist to avoid.
No, no, no, no. Checco, listen.
Maybe you don't fully understand him.
No, no, I understand perfectly.
This is a*usive and toxic.
You should get rid of him, Alma.
Hey, Alberto.
I was eagerly waiting for you.
So? Tell me.
-How was it?
-I'm really tired.
Without anatomical details, I mean.
Tell me.
No, nothing. We went out
and now we're back.
Yeah? And nothing?
And nothing.
Are you Italian, Alberto?
Where is my daughter?
She's outside.
Hmm. Why didn't she come?
I'll go.
What do you mean, "I'll go?"
-These guys are crazy. Must be shy.
-[Alma] Um, where are you going?
[Checco] To see Cristal.
Oh
[chuckles]
Checco.
Hey?
Checco?
Checco!
So, after the Camino,
are you going back to England?
[girl] Yeah. I'm going to.
But you can come and visit, I mean
Hey!
Oh, what happened?
-You okay?
-Well. I'm a bit confused.
Because of this situation
with my daughter, and frankly, Alma, I
-At her age, it's normal to have doubts.
-You think?
Didn't you have any?
Ugh! Forget that!
But maybe she does.
Don't make her feel odd about it, okay?
Nice, we made it to the Iron Cross.
Hey, look. Take this stone.
What's it for?
Put it under the cross
and ask for a favor.
Like for my daughter to find
her Prince Charming soon?
[Alma laughs]
No. For that, mmm
maybe you'll need some extra stones.
Maybe sacrifice something
that's really precious to you, right?
Something precious? Huh
Goodbye, little one.
-All done.
-Good. Mm.
Oh, oh!
I don't believe it. Look at that.
-Look at them. Look!
-Yeah, that weirdo's my dad. There.
Oh, no. Hell, no. Sorry, but no.
I gave you a precious collector's item
and you send this cheap Chinese knockoff.
-No! No, no, no.
-No, sorry, but that's not a fair trade!
-Leave it there.
-But that's not right. Come on!
I demand a Westerner.
I feel like I'm being jerked around!
[Alma] You already made your offering.
-Leave it, come on.
-I'm sorry!
[band playing "Cielito Lindo"]
Hey, no, Dr. Vannucci. So, I paid you
to get my father back on his feet.
Simple enough?
[Vannucci] Believe me,
prepare for the worst.
Look, your father's
completely lost all motivation.
He's let himself go completely.
Then let's hurry up
and find the right motivation.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'll dig out the right motivation.
[Alma] Look what I got.
[laughing]
-No!
-You're famous all over the world, Checco.
Fantastic, fantastic.
Simply amazing, just amazing.
Yeah. Let's find the article, come on.
Hey, did you really make all these quotes?
[Checco] What?
"It's always nice to show off my wealth
to those who can't afford it."
Yeah, I said that.
Wow.
-You are a very generous man. Wonderful.
-I know.
Oh, my! There's a pyramid at your house?
Yeah, but that's the small one.
But then I made one like Tutankhamen.
Oh, I see, this one
could be the miserable one, huh?
What can I say?
Ooh. Wow!
And is this your girlfriend?
-Mm.
-No! Wow, Martina Flores!
-I know her!
-Hey, yeah, yeah. She's my girlfriend.
You know her as a top model.
No, no, no. I know her
because we went to school together.
Oh, you're a professor?
What do you mean? Professor? No, no, no.
She was my companion in class.
Oh, you were held back.
Because Martina is 25 years old.
[laughing] No, no, no, no, no, no.
Martina and I are the same age, 31.
[chuckling]
Uh, are you sure?
Yeah.
Checco. You're with an old lady.
My love, why are you screaming
at your better half like that?
What better half?
Not one, Martina.
Six, you hid from me. Six!
It's not six, it's been four.
It's only been Marco,
Matteo, Luca and Giovanni.
I was talking about the years, Martina.
-Sir, we only made out.
-Shh!
But you two
What the hell?
[clicks]
[melancholy music playing]
[crickets chirping]
-Hey.
-Everything okay?
Mm. Yeah, it's fine.
Did you talk to Martina?
No, no, I went for a pee-pee.
I'm sorry.
Hey. Baby, I can bear the load. Okay?
After all, three years ago,
I had an even bigger disappointment.
Something I might've wanted to talk about,
but I didn't wanna make you sad.
But you were wrong.
I would've listened to you.
Sit down.
Her name was Katherine. She was Swiss.
Blonde, blue eyes, this long neck,
an angel.
She was a receptionist
at the Bellevue in St. Moritz.
And you fell in love.
Then I completely fell
head over heels, Cristal.
Imagine. I even booked a room for a month,
just so I'd be able to speak to her.
And she, I must say,
was anything but indifferent.
She made me believe, right?
But finally, when I invited her to dinner,
and my heart was torn apart.
I found out that
She was married.
No, she was fat below.
So incredibly fat, mind-shattering.
A guy like me couldn't
Because there was a counter
and, uh, I couldn't peer below. You know?
So, I have to say, Cristal,
never believe in
just the appearance, never.
-Hmm?
-Mm.
-You have to promise.
-Yes, okay, yeah. I promise.
Come on, sleep now.
No. I'm going to the bathroom.
But didn't you already go?
Uh-huh, I gotta go again.
He's had to pee three times already.
Hmm.
[Cristal] Even the next morning,
he kept stopping.
Sorry.
[Cristal] I was really starting to worry.
Let's go, let's go.
You feel okay?
Yeah, of course.
[Cristal] But when we reached
the great chestnut tree of Ramil
-Take a photo!
-A photo!
[Cristal] That's when we realized
we had to intervene.
I should go ask him
if there's something going on.
Maybe if I ask he'll get embarrassed.
-Hey.
-I need to speak to you.
I need to speak to you too, Cristal.
Uh, listen. I think that it's normal
to have doubts at your age.
How many times a night
you wake up to go pee?
Huh?
Instead of being
worried about my sexuality,
-worry about your sex, okay?
-Uh
How many times?
How would I know?
Last night, maybe around ten.
But it could be from all the walking, uh
Does it burn while you pee?
Cristal, but what's making you ask me?
Give me an answer!
Sometimes it burns a little, but that's
a very normal thing, you know, uh
Is it difficult to start your flow of pee
and maintain a steady flow of pee?
I don't recognize you anymore.
What kind of questions are you asking?
Yes or no?
So, uh, yeah, at times, at night.
But no big deal.
When you're finished peeing,
do you have the sensation
you want to go again?
Uh, listen, Cristal. You and I never
really had very many conversations,
but starting off with my willy
is a little bit embarrassing for me.
What's the color of your pee? Is it
coming out dark or murky? Is there blood?
How would I know if it's
if it's dark or it's dark and murky
because of the blood, huh?
We're going to find an emergency room.
-Hospital?
-Let's go.
No, you'll never see me again.
Let's find an ER right now.
-Come on, let's get moving.
-Okay, fine.
First, I'll pee, then we'll go
[Cristal] Here we are,
back where we began.
Doctor, go ahead.
Any word?
The ultrasound found
some small suspicious mass.
The medics feel
they should take it out soon.
But how's he feeling? Is he alright?
Certainly! You know how strong he is.
Cristal! They have to operate on me.
I'm scared. Come with me!
Do you know what the doctor did to your
father with his finger, huh?
He abused me.
And it wasn't his pinky, Cristal.
I could understand the ring finger.
The mid. But the index!
Not the index! But what an index!
[Cristal] The surgery went well,
but he couldn't
wake up from the anesthesia.
[monitor beeping steadily]
[Cristal] I was really worried.
But then, what happens next
-[man] Here he is!
-Good morning!
-Welcome back, Checco!
-We're lucky to have Kocis.
-Hey!
-Get up, we have to get going.
-[laughs]
-Welcome back, man.
Man.
Christ, this guy's like smelling salt.
[all chuckling]
Hey.
The medics said that the nodule
had potential to become malignant.
You were right to insist, Cristal.
He has a slight fever.
Ah, it's normal, don't worry.
[cell phone ringing]
-Hello?
-Good evening, it's Maurice.
I'm looking for Mr. Zalone.
He can't come to the phone at the moment.
I'll take a message.
The big party is two days from now
and I haven't heard from him.
Please, have him call me back. Thank you!
Mm.
Let's set up for the dress rehearsal!
[dance music playing]
Hey. Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Okay, bring in the sl*ves with the throne!
[music continues]
[fanfare playing]
[wheelchair brakes squeal]
And now, the odalisques, yeah.
Looking good.
What's that ugly old man doing there?
Get rid of him!
[music continues]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Hey. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir!
I thought I lost you. You scared me.
[grunting]
[Vannucci] These are preparations
for your son's party, kind sir.
No.
Just imagine if he
took over for you at the company.
No!
-You don't want that, do you, sir?
-No.
-No, you don't want that?
-No.
Then it's time
to give it your all, good sir.
-Are you motivated? Are you motivated?
-[grunting]
Get more motivated. Are you motivated?
-Come on, sir! Come on, sir!
-[grunting]
-[yelling]
-Get motivated!
Your son's about to join the company.
No!
!Run! Run, sir! Keep going, sir!
-He wants to sign contracts!
-[grunts]
A tender offer, sir!
He's doing a tender offer!
-A tender offer, sir.
-[grunting]
Eye of the tiger, sir!
-Where's your son, sir? Where is your son?
-[grunting]
-We found him.
-[sighs]
We were able to track
his phone's position. He's in Spain.
I knew it.
And where did he take Cristal?
To Ibiza? Formentera?
No. Judging from the cellphone sites,
the police in Spain think
he's doing the Camino de Santiago.
-Checco? The Camino de Santiago?
-It's impossible, no way that's him.
It's actually him.
So? Should he finish
the Camino with Cristal
or do we intervene?
-[telephone ringing]
-[indistinct chatter]
-Good morning!
-Good morning.
I would prefer that he stay
a few more days to recover.
It's too early to leave, but this morning,
he wanted to be discharged,
because he said he was ready to go.
And so be it.
Go home. Have a good day.
Let's go talk to your father,
and maybe we can make him stay.
So, you will bring her
to the villa tomorrow?
Did you make her blonder?
Caramel. Perfect. All right, later.
Why do you want to go home?
Hey. Breakfast for daddy.
Very sweet of you.
Tell me why you want to return home.
Because Because
You see, Cristal,
Grandpa has reached the end of the line.
And now it's up to me
to take care of the family business.
That's why you're leaving?
I have to assume my responsibilities
and begin working now.
Hmm.
Last night, you got a call.
It was Maurice.
Maurice? Who's that?
You don't know him?
Well, I have a lot of friends, I don't
Apparently there's a party tomorrow.
A party? There might be one.
I think, if you work,
you should be able to also have fun.
Am I right?
Have your fun, then.
Hey, not even a kiss for your father?
Alma, there will be
a guest list of 800 people
at the party for my 50th birthday.
I've already walked a lot for
my daughter, right?
Checco, the Camino was for yourself.
It's for you to ask yourself
why you're here.
[sighs]
Maybe you can come to the party?
You mean it? With you?
Do you have an Egyptian dress?
Ah, let's see now, hmm
Egyptian, I don't think so.
Wait, let me call Maurice.
What's your measurements?
-Checco. Checco.
-Hmm?
Thank you.
But I want to finish walking the Camino.
Happy birthday, my friend. See you.
Alma, there's two DJs
playing hits tomorrow night.
[sighs]
I can't understand this.
Why?
[emotional music playing]
[Alma] Hey.
I had a father like yours.
Mm?
Very rich. Very, very rich.
When I finished my studies in medicine
and I told him what
I wanted to do with my life,
that I would not be able
to take care of his business affairs,
he cut off all ties with me.
He didn't want to know
anything about my life.
Were you able to forgive him?
[Alma chuckles]
When he became sick,
I stayed by his side
until the last moment.
It's not a matter of forgiving,
but of loving.
Love doesn't expect anything back from you
Hm.
Tomorrow, you'll be in Santiago.
Try to arrive there
with all the love you can manage.
[uplifting music playing]
I made it.
-Yeah!
-Hey!
This way. Turn this way
[indistinct conversations]
[laughing]
Let's see. Please, make way for the sick.
Let's make some room, please.
Come along, please. This way.
[music continues]
Can you hold this Gianni?
My darling.
I love you, baby.
[music fades]
-[indistinct chatter]
-[bell tolling]
[Alma] Did you see how happy Cristal was?
[Checco] Yeah, I saw it.
And did you ever imagine
you'd arrive in Santiago with her?
No. And not with you either, Alma.
[laughs] Maybe with a supermodel, right?
No. No. No more supermodels.
Alma, I've changed a lot
and and I have to tell you.
-I
-Ah, ah, ah, ah!
I have something to give you. Wait.
What's this? Uh, a T?
A T, yes.
But it means so much more.
Ah. Sure. It's a T for
[pilgrims] Happy birthday! Woo-hoo!
[man] Happy birthday, Checco!
Damn it, guys.
What are you guys doing? No way.
What are you doing?
Come on, blow!
[blows]
[pilgrims cheering]
Oh. Checco! Checco!
We decided to keep going with the Camino.
What? Doesn't the Camino
end in Santiago, guys?
No, come on! Santiago?
We have a surprise. Tell him, tell him.
We decided to finish at
the Atlantic Ocean.
-Oh, no, Cristal, no. Come on, no.
-Come on, let's do it!
Okay, let's go.
-Yay!
-[Checco] Let's do it!
[chanting] Checco! Checco! Checco! Checco!
Walk, walk
[Cristal] And by the Atlantic Ocean,
our Camino had ended.
Kilometer zero! Whoo!
[laughing]
[Cristal] We only had to perform
the three pilgrim rites:
bathing in the ocean
-Alma, look out. Surprise!
-Ah!
Found it!
collecting a scallop shell,
and in the evening,
going to the beach to burn a garment.
Yeah, I wanna burn
something that matters.
[Cristal] But, there was also
a fourth rite, the pilgrim in love.
Aren't you coming with us?
I'll catch up with you later.
-Look, you know Alma has a man, right?
-I know, I know.
Yes, but maybe you don't understand.
The man Alma loves is
-Is a dickhead.
-No.
A pathological narcissist who
oppresses her, and we'll free her. Come on
-Listen to me. Really listen to me.
-No, no, no.
You listen to me. Do you
want to explain love to your father?
Hmm?
Go. Come on. I'll catch up later.
Go.
Shall we go?
[gasps] Are they for me?
Yes.
-Oh, is there a masquerade party tonight?
-They're beautiful, thank you.
-No, Checco.
-Oh, no?
This is not a costume I'm wearing.
Oh, I see.
So, when you, uh
The man you were speaking about is
Jesus. Yes.
Oh, wow. Oh
Oh, no.
-You see, Checco
-Mmm.
-I had a moment of great uncertainty.
-Ah.
Religion was interfering
with my actual faith.
Ah.
But at the end of the Camino,
I found some answers.
Oh. Yes
So now you're going
to the convent with your colleagues.
-No. No.
-No?
I'm needed on the road.
Walking in the streets with my family.
-With joy.
-Oh.
We'll meet again, Checco.
We'll meet again, along the way.
Okay, listen. Cut to the chase.
Uh, tell me, is this your final decision?
I mean, you've decided
to dedicate your life to Jesus.
Instead of you?
Oh, well, um
[chuckles]
Checco. I know how to be content.
Mmm.
[cheering]
[upbeat music playing]
[music fades]
-[Cristal] Hey.
-Hey.
Cristal.
Here, look.
This is the Compostela of St. James,
and this is the one
that I just picked up from Muxia.
Look at that, you made it, Cristal.
I knew you would.
Hmm?
[woman] Cristal!
[sighing]
Come on. Go.
It's only right
you spend time with your mother.
[Linda] Cristal!
Go on. All right, all right, she's coming!
Oh, Cristal. Cristal.
You forgot this.
And this is a fake one. Hmm?
Because you're so much more
than 18, Cristal.
You're much wiser.
You're special, Cristal.
[melodic accordion music playing]
The paperwork is signed, and
this is a copy for you.
Thank you.
Have a safe trip.
-Goodbye. Thanks.
-Thanks.
Thank you.
Where's Cristal?
Gonzlez!
-What is it?
-The girl.
She was just right here.
She was. But where is she now?
I don't know where she went.
Excuse me
Papa!
Papa!
Papa! Hey. Papa!
Hey.
-[panting]
-[laughs]
You didn't hear me?
I heard, "Papa! Papa! Papa!"
Yeah.
I heard, but I mean,
you've never called me that.
So I was Papa?
Yeah, yeah, you were Papa.
You see. The Camino gave me my answer.
But where are you going?
I want to ask myself more questions.
Maybe I'll walk a little more.
I'll come with you.
All right, let's go!
All right, I must tell Grandpa
that I'm not coming back.
Hello? Dr. Vannucci, how's my father?
It's going great, your father
is very well, he's already back at work.
And just today,
he said his very first words!
What'd he say?
I'll put him on. Sir, it's your son.
You dickhead!
Thank God, Papa.
-What did Grandpa say?
-He motivated me.
Let's go then, come on.
Buen Camino, baby girl.
Buen Camino, Papa.
Oh, what will happen? What's inside?
What is inside the DNA?
That makes us meet here
Without knowing the way
But whatever it is, whatever happens
Buen Camino, sweetheart
BUEN CAMINO TO YOU ALL
[flamenco music playing]
This night of passion and love
With the girl of my heart
Who's waiting for me in bed, yearning
But I'm in the john
I've been stuck here for three hours
Hoping I won't miss the toilet
Finally, a drop of pee
[drop echoes]
Is that it? Is that it?
My prostate is inflamed
You can't imagine how much I cried
And the urologist kept laughing
As he took off his glove
My prostate is inflamed
You can forget about her
When your prostate hurts
And you're not Pablo Escobar
Ai, ai, ai, ai
Ai, ai, ai, ai
Ai, ai, ai, ai
Leaving is a bit like dying
Every gas station is a stop
On the road from Sevilla to Granada
I had to piss eight times
My life is now sad and dark
No more pata negra or 'nduja
A tiny bit is enough
It burns! It burns!
My prostate is inflamed
I felt under siege
As the urologist was sticking
His index and middle fingers
My prostate is inflamed
You can forget about her
When your prostate hurts
And you're not Pablo Escobar
You can't f*ck at all
[song stops]
[crowd cheering]
["Amore Verdavero" playing]
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Buen Camino (2025)
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