01x09 - All in the Hall

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

- Hey buddy,

I wanted to cheer you up,

so I got you a gift.

- Oh, wow.

It looks just like the one

my abuela got me

that I lost.

- It is that one.

I stole it a few weeks ago

to get your fingerprints

for this identity theft

thing I was doing.

- Thanks?

But I don't need cheering up.

I spent all weekend

trying to figure out

how the Douglas kids

can stay at Bayside,

and I think I got some

pretty interesting ideas.

- "Lock front door of Douglas,

hide key in piggy bank."

- Okay, some are better

than others.

I also started a petition

and I left a message

for someone named Roberta

at the Department of Education.

I just figured

in the last few months

I've managed to change things

at Bayside,

so who's to say

I can't change the world?

- You're right you've had

a huge impact here.

I couldn't even imagine if you

never came to this school.

[brakes screech]

- Uh-oh. Miss Mandrake,

I didn't do my homework.

- Homework?

- We haven't had homework

since you outlawed it,

o, wise leader.

[cheers and applause]

- Oh, yeah, I forgot.

And look at what else I did.

- Hey, Matt,

I'm your Bayside Buddy.

I just transferred here

from Make Out High.

Want to break into

Toddman's car and study?

- Duh.

Ha ha.

What's that?

We're having

dyno nuggets for lunch?

[applause]

I'm going to live forever.

I'm so sorry.

I did not think

that fantasy sequence

about life without you

would be so dope.

- It's okay.

[record scratch]

[school bell rings]

- When I wake up

in the mornin'

Alarm gives out a warnin'

I don't think

I'll ever make it on time

[school bell ringing]

By the time I

grab my books

And I give myself a look

I'm at the corner

just in time

It's all right,

it's all right

Saved by the bell,

it's all right

It's all right,

saved by the bell

It's all right

'Cause I'm saved

by the bell

[school bell ringing]

- I am so pissed about the kids

being forced out.

Not just the cool ones

who play sports--

even the little nerds.

- The PTA thinks

it's such a great idea

to reopen, Douglas,

why don't they send their

own kids there first?

- Right.

- Look, I hate

that this is happening,

but Douglas

was seriously underfunded.

If the PTA raised enough money

to make it

a fancy charter school,

well, maybe everything

will be better.

- So you're hoping that

throwing a bunch of money

at a school over a weekend

will fix decades of systemic

inequality and neglect?

- I'm hoping

And

I'm also going to

check it out myself today.

Make sure it's good enough

for our kids.

- And if it's not?

- Well, I'm going

to fight for them.

Even if it means

standing up to you know who.

- Jade?

- Where?!

I mean, where?

Pfft.

I mean, I'll be fine.

- Yeah, because I'm going

with you, to Douglas.

I want to make sure

they actually fix things

before they send us back.

- DeVante, you've got class.

- I'm walking to your car now.

- Ooh, shotgun.

I mean, I'm driving.

I mean, can I drive?

Is that okay?

- Hey, Jamie.

How are you holding up?

- I'm hanging in there.

- What the hell? I'm not dead.

- No, but you're leaving.

What am I supposed to do?

Text you? Call you?

Hang out after school

and on the weekends

because we're kids

and we have no obligations?

- Yeah. And I'm still here

for another six weeks.

- Come on,

there's got to be a way

you can stay at Bayside.

What if you move

to the Palisades?

There's a house for sale

in my neighborhood.

The floorplan

is kind of claustrophobic,

but I know a great contractor.

- I can't afford a house.

I can't afford Spotify

without commercials.

- Well, what if you just say

live at my house?

- No, that's ill*gal.

Please just chill.

- I can't chill.

My resting body temp is 102.

I'm like a Labrador.

I go to class

but I will miss you.

- Bro, I cannot with Jamie.

Why is everybody tripping?

It's not that big of a deal.

- It isn't?

'Cause last time I checked,

you love it here.

You're the quarterback

of the football team,

and you're so popular,

the Bayside "Bugle"

has a weekly feature called,

"Aisha, she's just like us."

- Okay, obviously,

I'd rather stay,

but it's out of our hands.

They sent us here, and now

they're sending us back.

- Oh, that's a helpful

attitude.

Let's just all give up,

kick back,

and light a fat doobie

in Toddman's office.

Who cares?

- No, Daisy, don't give up.

If you smoke a fat doobie

in Toddman's office,

you'll be expelled.

Also, that's a really

uncool way to describe

that [indistinct] herb.

- I'm not giving up.

It was a joke.

- Oh, okay.

Awesome, cool and don't care

either way.

- Anyway, I'm off to City Hall.

Ever heard of

the William's Uniform

Complaint Procedures form

for educational code

section 35186?

- Would you believe no?

- Well, it's our golden ticket

out of this mess.

According to Roberta

at the California Department

of Education,

if you file this form

within 60 days of a charter

application approval,

it triggers an investigation

of the said institution.

- I know this is really

important, but I'm so bored.

- I thought

the 60 days had passed,

but turns out today

is the last day.

- Whoa, that's spooky.

- Not spooky.

I lit hella candles

at church this weekend.

- Makes sense.

- All I have to do is get down

to City Hall and file

this bad boy by 3:00 p.m.,

and Douglas 2.0

becomes Douglas two point no.

- Did you just think of that?

- No.

I thought of it last night

and wrote it down on my hand.

- Calories don't count

on your birthday

Ohh--uhh!

OHno!

- That was undeniably

hilarious.

- I know, and I hate Spencer.

But nothing

seems funny anymore.

- Right?

I've been in an Uptown Funk

ever since I found out Daisy

and everybody's leaving.

But why?

Nothing bad is happening to me.

- It's called empathy, Mac.

I have it too now.

- Empathy.

Did I get it from you?

Did we

I mean I would.

- Yeah, of course, anytime,

anywhere, but no.

I think it's because

when you spend time with people

who are different from you,

you start to see the world

through their eyes.

And once you opened your heart,

you can't close it again.

- Like a Capri Sun or Yoo-hoo.

No, those have caps.

Like a Capri Sun.

- Yes.

And much like that metaphor,

it sucks.

We're going to keep feeling

like this

unless we do something to help.

- Can anyone help me?

- You're like the world's

worst person.

- No, bro, shut up!

- Santa Monica freeway--more

like Santa Monica parking lot.

[chuckles]

[rock music on radio]

Well, at least

if you're at Douglas,

you won't have to sit

in this every day.

- That's true.

I mean, on one hand,

I'm being forced to leave

all of my new friends

in the school where I was

really starting to thrive.

But on the other, I will

be avoiding some traffic.

- Hey, you hungry?

We could stop at McDonald's,

get a Fillet-O-Fish.

- Nah.

- Do you not like

Fillet-O-Fish?

Because I have

a buy-one-get-one coupon

for Fillet-O-Fish.

If you'd rather have a burger,

well, then you can just

put some ketchup on it.

Tastes almost the same.

- Did you mean what you said?

That you'll fight for us?

- Of course.

Look, when you kids

came to Bayside,

you became my students.

It's my job to fight for you.

- [laughs] Sure.

- What?

- I mean, you didn't.

When Taylor's mom was

trying to get me expelled,

you were all like,

"Okay, okay, let's put a pin

in this and circle

back in the morning."

- Thatisuncanny.

You are

an excellent impressionist.

Can you do Jessie?

I did not do enough

to protect you.

And I am sorry,

but I am telling you,

if it's bad

when we get there,

I am not going to roll over.

I'm gonna fight.

You have my word.

[construction noises]

- It looksnice.

- I know, right?

- Jade.

- Hello, Ron, DeVante.

What a pleasant surprise.

Let me show you around,

Douglas 2.0.

- Hello, I need to submit

the Williams Uniform Complaint

Procedures form for educational

code section 35186.

- Everything seems to be

an order here.

- Wow. So that's it.

This makes it official.

- I don't work here.

I'm just a pervert

with a stamp fetish.

You got to get line over there.

- There's no way I'm getting to

the front of the line in time.

- No, there's no way

we're getting to

the front of the line in time.

- He means we're here to help.

- So why are we here?

What's the plan?

- I don't know guys,

it sounds hard.

Maybe we should give up.

- I haven't said the plan yet.

Okay, this place closes

at 3:00 p.m.

The only way we're going

to make it up there in time

is if we can convince

all these people

to let us go ahead of them.

- I'm amazing

at cutting in line.

Step aside, Daisy,

I got this.

And that is how it's done.

Whoa, blast from the past.

I haven't seen you

sinceArizona State!

Dave, right?

Have you done

something different

with your face or body?

- My name is Kevin.

Do I know you?

- Oh, no, remember?

That was our little

inside jokeyeah, 'cause

I actually called you Dave

at that party.

Whose party was it?

It was like that guy

was always drinking

all those beers

at Arizona State with us.

- Oh, yeah. You mean Ricky?

- Yes. How's he doing?

- You know, married,

three kids, divorced,

three more kids missing,

the usual.

What about you?

Tell me everything.

- Excuse me, would you be

willing to let us cut you

in line in exchange for

a pair of U2 tickets?

- No, thank you.

- Plus backstage passes

to meet Bono.

You know,

he wrote "A Beautiful Day"

about a day

he spent with my dad.

- The answer is still no.

- Would you do it

for 5 bucks?

- Ha. Deal.

- If you had one chance

to change the world--

- Honestly, if you just

stop talking to me,

I'll let you cut in front.

- Okay.

- [quietly] 'Scuse me.

Great.

Now we only got to do

that a billion more times.

- So there is going to be

a computer lab over here,

a meditation studio

over there.

And that is the new theater.

- Hold up, a theater?

I mean pssh, it's chill.

Right? You know, zip zap zop

or whatever.

- Got to say,

this place looks great.

- T-man, is that you?

- D-man, you old son

of a biscuit?

I haven't seen you

since Principal Con 2010.

- The wildest weekend Omaha's

ever seen.

You still remember

the principal shake?

- [chanting] Hey, hey, hey,

what is going on here?

- You got time to holler

at your boy?

- DeVante, is it okay?

- Sure, Mr. T, it's cool.

We can continue the tour.

Just one second.

And recording.

- Oh--

- Why don't you go ahead

and show me

the squash courts?

- I got your text.

What's going on?

- So, I thought about

what you said,

how I needed to be more chill.

And I thought what better way

to be chill

than to chill together

for the rest of our lives.

- No, no, no, no.

- Come on out, boys.

[upbeat music]

- No, boys, go back in.

- Aisha, you are the girl

that I never had

And I want to get to

know you better

Aisha, you know

I want you so bad

I guess there's nothing

anyone can do

To keep me away from you

- Aisha, this has been

the best month

and a half

or whatever of my life.

Will you make me the happiest

dude in homeroom

and marry me?

- No, this is insane. Get up.

- It's not that insane.

I mean, I love you.

And if we were married,

we'd have the same address

and you could stay at Bayside.

I thought

that's what you wanted.

- I do, but--

- She said "I do"!

- No, I don't.

I'm tired of people

making decisions for me.

I didn't decide to come here,

and I didn't decide to leave.

And now you're just deciding

that we should get married.

- I know this is crazy,

but we have to do something.

- No. I have to do something.

- Was it the dance?

- Oh, no Colt,

you guys were flawless,

really.

- I'm done being chill.

I'm ready to fight.

- Oh, just don't hit the face.

- No.

I mean, I don't want

to get sent back to Douglas.

- Well, I don't want

that either.

You're my star quarterback.

- Well, there has to be

something that you can do.

What about an athletic transfer

or a popularity scholarship?

I mean,

everybody do love Aisha.

- They do, and I thought about

an athletic transfer,

but problem is

football season's over.

It's impossible.

- We've been doing impossible

things all season, Coach,

and I'm not leaving this office

until we have a plan.

- Okay.

Aisha, you know, I'm really

proud of you, you come such a--

- Less crying more thinking.

- You got it.

- We made it, and with one

whole minute to spare.

- Cool.

So, take a quick five?

I'm kind of an introvert.

I recharge by being alone.

- Oh, my God, it's you, Dean

from the coffee shop, right?

- I don't know who that is

or what that is.

My name is Jean.

- Are you sure?

You look exactly the same.

- Am I sure I'm me

and not another man?

Yes, I'm sure.

- Okay, we're getting

sidetracked here.

Point is, Jean,

I need to file these forms.

- It's 3:00 p.m.

We closed.

- But I was here at 2:59.

We had already started talking.

- The form was not in my hand.

- Come on, bro.

We just cut all these people

in line just to get to you.

- Save it, Mac, he's just

using what little power he has

for his own sick enjoyment.

Like a flight attendant

who tells jokes on the PA.

- You think I enjoy this?

Do you realize how many people

come in here already mad at me

before we even start

our conversation?

Then when I'm done,

I got to take the bus

all the way across town

to my other miserable job

at the copy shop.

- That's what I said!

- No, I said coffee shop.

All so I can make enough

money to feed my family.

- Oh, wow.

I feel so much empathy for him.

- Daisy, why are you accosting

this poor man?

See the world through his eyes.

- Stop having empathy

for the wrong person.

Sir, please, my whole future

depends on this form.

And not just my future--

- Listen, your whole girl

changing the world routine

isn't going to work this time.

- This time?

I knew it was you.

- Nope. Still not me.

- So, you ever think about

that nympho Denny's waitress

we met back in Omaha?

[laughter]

- I remember her.

Whoo!

[both laughing]

She actually, uh,

became my wife.

Listen, I have

a question for you.

How do you feel about

all this new Douglas stuff?

I mean, is it really

as good as it looks?

- Is it as good as it looks?

Of course not.

But is it at least a step

in the right direction?

Also, no.

- Wait, what?

- Oh, you really don't know.

Let me break it down for you,

my simple white friend.

You see all these pictures?

About once a decade,

somebody comes up with a plan

to fix Douglas.

Donors throw a little money

at it,

or a politician

gives it a new name.

In 2008, the music teacher

went on "Ellen."

That was supposed to help.

What it usually amounts to

is a bunch of empty promises.

A pool that never opens

or theater

that's always coming soon.

The helpers care about

these kids just long enough

to get a pat on the back

and their picture taken.

And then they stop caring.

'Cause they already

got what they really wanted.

They're over there,

and we're over here.

And people like me are left

to make up the difference

using our paychecks

to buy school supplies

and giving each kid their own

handshake so they feel special.

- D-man, I had no idea.

- Now, you may be tempted

to burden me with

your guilt about this

in hopes that I will make you

feel better, but I will not.

Tic Tac?

- Hey, Mr. T!

Free swag!

- Oh, that was so annoying.

- Yeah, that Uber driver

would not shut up

about

how much he loves America.

Oh, the City Hall

thing sucked too.

- It didn't just suck.

You don't get it.

It's over.

It's nice that you feel bad,

but in six weeks your life

is going to be the exact same.

Me and Aisha and all the other

Douglas kids

will be gone, and there's

nothing we can do about it.

- Guess who's staying

at Bayside?

How'd your thing go?

- Bad.

What do you mean

you're staying at Bayside?

- Coach Slater and I

figured out a loophole.

He awarded me the Tiger Woods

Ex-wife Scholarship

for Faithful Female Golfers.

All I got to do

is play golf this spring,

not bring up

anybody's marriage,

and I can stay

until I graduate.

- What? So, you're just going

to abandon me?

- You told me to fight,

so I fought.

You can do the same thing.

I'm sure

that we can find a way for--

- Even if we could,

what about DeVante?

Or all the other Douglas kids

getting screwed over by this?

You know what?

I thought I changed things

around here, but I didn't.

The only thing that happened

was that this place changed us.

It made you selfish

and me a quitter.

[both speaking Spanish]

- Uh-oh,

they're yelling in Spanish.

- Lexi, that's r*cist just

to assume that's Spanish.

- I'm done.

I don't want to be here

six more weeks

or even six more seconds.

I'm ending my time at Bayside.

I give up.

- Daisy!

- She isn't here.

- She wasn't in the library

either.

- I checked the girls'

locker room.

She wasn't in the showers,

but I placed a security camera

in case she comes back.

It's connected

to this app on my phone.

- Jesus Christ!

[phone clatters]

- We need to find her.

It sounded like she's going

to do something really bad.

- Hey, Aisha.

- I can't talk about us

right now.

- No, no, no, it's Daisy.

I just saw her running

to Toddman's office crying.

- Is that [indistinct] herb?

Oh, my God, are you

trying to get expelled?

- Don't come any closer

or I'll do it.

- Hey, I have a question.

- Well, there are no

stupid questions.

Only stupid askers.

- This feels like

it's moving really fast.

Should we maybe

just take a beat

and have a larger conversation

about what's best

for the kids long-term?

- Uh-oh. I cut through

the red tape

and got something done

too quickly?

Call the police!

Just kidding, they all know me.

- It's just

we can't mess this up.

Kids' futures are at stake.

- Oh, I agree.

But you are the

Principal of Bayside,

so you should probably focus

on their futures.

Unless you don't want that

to be your job anymore.

- Oh, okay, okay.

Maybe we should just put a pin

in this and circle

back in themorning.

You are a greasy witch.

- Excuse me?

- You heard me!

You don't give a damn about

Douglas or any of the kids

you're kicking out of Bayside.

You just want them gone.

Y-you greasy witch!

God damn it.

I can't think of another

insult.

I'm so mad!

I should have said this back

when you and your terrible son

tried to get DeVante expelled.

But you know what?

I'm saying it right now.

You want to do this,

you're going to have to

get through me first.

Because so help me God,

I will not let you hurt him

or any of my kids ever again,

you greasy witch--damn it.

Oh, what's another word--

- Okay, it's time to go.

Time to go.

You all right Mr. T?

- So, you're just going to

rile up a white lady

and leave me here with her?

- I was unhinged back there.

I screamed in a woman's face.

And for what?

They're still going to send you

back to that terrible school,

and I probably just

lost my job.

Why would I do that?

- For me.

I think someone just earned

himself a Fillet-O-Fish.

[brakes screech]

All right now,

you're going a little fast.

- I'll do it.

I want to get expelled.

- Where'd you even get that?

- There's a pop-up dispenser

in the parking lot

of The Max.

- Daisy.

I know that you're mad at me,

but don't

throw away your future.

- I'm not mad. I'm done.

I put everything I could into

changing this place

to make it better,

and I failed.

I can't change Bayside.

I can't change the world.

I can't even change

my own ringtone.

It's "Mr. Bombastic."

- Of course,

you've changed Bayside.

I mean, you've changed me.

I just spent my whole day

at the White House helping you.

- Three months ago, I didn't

even know what helping was.

- We talked about paperwork.

I waited in a line.

- Daisy,

I rode in an Uber X.

We are not the same people

we were when you got here.

- And plus, you helped save

DeVante from getting expelled.

And I never would have won

that talent show

without you backing me

on the upright base.

- And you fought for

the Douglas kids

when no one else was.

- And this fight's not over

because now

we're the type of people

who want to fight with you.

- Yes.

- That's right.

- Thanks, I needed that.

And you're right.

The only way

we're going to win this

is if we do it together.

- Come here.

- I'm so proud of you.

- Oh, I love you guys.

- Hey, Aisha,

can we talk about

that sort of insane thing

I did earlier?

- No need. I'm perfectly happy

pretending that never happened.

- Listen, you know,

I love pretending.

I mean, right before

you got here,

I was pretending

this mechanical pencil

was a big scary needle.

Aah!

Look, I don't want to pretend

in our relationship.

I want to be real.

- Okay.

- I've done a pretty bad job

of listening to you all day,

but I am finally

paying attention.

For example, I can tell that

you don't want to be having

this conversation right now.

And I also noticed

that you don't mind the idea

of not seeing me every day.

And I noticed that you cringed

when I said the word love.

But I can't help how I feel.

I do love you.

- Okay, sorry.

I did just cringe,

but I really like you,

and I'm having fun.

- I know.

But when someone doesn't feel

the same way about you

that you feel about them,

it's not a good fun.

It's a sad fun,

like acruise.

- Man, this is over, isn't it?

- Yeah, I think it might be.

- Can I grab your butt

one more time?

- Yes. Thank you for asking.

[soft music]