["Heart of the Sunrise" playing]
- Go time.
- Ooh.
- You look good.
- Yeah?
I am proud of you.
- I'm proud of you.
- I love you.
- I love you so much.
- Mmm.
- And I love you.
- [chuckles]
[kisses]
And I love you.
[Richie] Mmm.
Mwah.
- [chuckles] My God, just f*cking go.
- Yeah.
- [car horn honking]
- Do this.
Okay, you better be home by 5:15.
[honking continues]
No problemo, babe.
[horn honking]
Yo, stop, stop.
You're gonna wake up
the whole neighborhood.
Be f*cking on time.
- sh*t, I forgot s
- Are you f*cking kidding me?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, give me a sec.
m*therf*cker. Damn it.
f*cking oh yeah, there it is.
- There it is.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Would you get in a f*cking c...
- You want me to go in that car?
- Get in the f*cking car!
- [horn honking]
- Get in the car.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
[Richie laughs]
Let's go.
J-Just nothing loud yet, all right, just
[Mikey] W-Why are you slamming that for?
Why do you have to
Just Just f*cking shut it.
[Richie] I didn't slam it.
[Mikey] Don't say you didn't when you did.
[Richie] Mike, I did this.
[Mikey] You gotta show me again.
- [Richie] Yeah, exactly.
- All right, just stop.
[burps]
How terrible is that f*cking filth?
I got it from f*cking GoGo's.
I think it's pretty good.
What is it, hazelnut?
And they're debit only now.
What if you don't have
a debit card, right?
Then you're f*cked
if you don't have a debit card.
You got the debit card.
You got to pay a f*cking fee.
- They f*ck you in the a*s either way.
- Yeah, because if they do the credit card,
then they got to pay a percentage
to the credit card.
I understand, but why f*ck the customer?
It's just for no reason.
Got to tell you, Mike, it's kind of like
a little bit of a glass-half-empty
kind of energy you're working with
for this mission.
00-f*cking-suck-my-d*ck.
What do you mean a mission?
Yo, we're f*cking transporting
some goods across state lines.
We're taking a f*cking tape box
to Gary, Indiana.
Gary, f*cking Indiana.
That's where we're going.
What's in the box?
I don't know what's in the f*cking box.
It's taped. I just said it's taped.
You can tell me.
All right, fair enough.
I don't need to know.
You're a f*cking donkey.
That's what you f*cking are.
That's what you are, you f*cking haul
You don't even know
what you're f*cking taking.
You're just f*cking moving. Donkey.
f*cking pack mule donkey.
- I am a donkey.
- Yeah.
You ever see what a donkey's
packing downstairs?
Did you see that donkey downstairs?
[laughs]
Hee-haw. [Chuckles]
- What's happening?
- Stay here.
Is that Jimmy?
Mike.
[sighs]
[person] Thank you, Michael.
- What are you doing?
- You good?
Didn't I say stay in the car?
- What?
- Man, I said stay in the car.
Why can't you just stay
in the f*cking car?
- You didn't say stay in the car.
- You didn't hear me say stay in the car?
- You didn't say it.
- You just f*cking watching me?
I didn't hear you
'cause you didn't say it.
It's too much, Rich.
- f*cking dog. Huh?
- I'm not a f*cking dog.
You can't f*cking tell me where,
where to go and when to do it.
[Richie] Yo, look what I made last night.
[Mikey] You made a f*cking
Did you make that?
[Richie] Yeah, I made this.
Tunes for Gary.
Come on, baby, let's do this.
["Draw Your Brakes" playing]
- Oh, oh, oh.
- Gradual with the volume.
- All right? Just Just
- I am gradual with the volume.
- Just turn it off.
- This is gradual with the volume.
- [turns volume up]
- That's exactly what I did.
- I swear to God, if you
- Stop it, stop it, stop it.
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
I'll pull this f*cking car over and
leave you here. You understand?
This is not this is
This is not gradual with the speaker.
- [turns volume up]
- Like that.
That's not what I did.
I know how to I respect the f*cking car.
Now I want you to respect
the f*cking music.
[Song continues]
[chuckles]
[chuckles]
Good gracious. [Laughs]
- Yeah, there he is. There he is.
- [Mikey laughing]
- There he is.
- Stop. Don't f*cking touch me. Stop, stop.
[Richie] You want to hear
some fun facts about Gary?
[Mikey] Can't wait.
[Richie] Guess the population.
70,000.
Uh, it is a Rust Belt city.
It was once known as Magic City.
It was once also known
as the city of the century.
- City of the century.
- 54% female.
For those of us in the car
that are, you know, not married
[scoffs]
that might be a pretty fun fact.
- Obviously John Cougar Mellencamp.
- Michael Jackson, you f*cking orangutan.
- Michael Jackson's from Gary?
- The whole Jackson 5 for that matter.
You could have f*cking said Tito
before f*cking John Cougar Mellencamp.
All right.
Oh sh*t. Koney King does a pizza puff.
- What?
- Koney King does a pizza puff.
I thought that was just a Chicago thing.
You're trying to tell me you're not
at all excited about traveling more?
- Traveling?
- Yeah.
You're not just tired
of the same old, same old?
This is what I'm talking about, Michael.
This is a f*cking mission.
Jimmy's entrusting us
with some more responsibility.
We got the f*cking open road
ahead of us, you know.
There's a lot of, you know,
positive things about this day.
Responsibility, huh? Yeah?
- Yeah.
- You feeling respected?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
I think with time you'll come
to find that this is a
Maybe a potentially transformative day.
[scoffs]
Come on. We're having a great day.
Bop down to Gary.
Little bada bing, bada boom,
bop back out of here.
We're f*cking home by 5:15, the latest.
5:15? Why 5:15?
It's just a thing with Tiff
that she's got superstition about.
Superstition about what?
Her mom went into labor at 5:15
and she got it in her head
that she's gonna, you know,
the same thing's gonna happen to her.
- That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
- I can't
- Why would the same thing
- I know.
'Cause literally, how many minutes
are in a f*cking day?
There's like thousands
of f*cking minutes in a day.
Why would it happen at the same time?
- I'm not saying this makes any sense.
So we need to be back by 5:15 because
her f*cking mother spit her a*s out
It's a non... It's a non-issue.
- It's the stupidest sh*t I ever heard.
- It's a non-issue.
It is a f*cking issue if you're
saying we got to be back by 5:15.
We'll be back by 5:15.
- That's why I'm saying it's a non-issue.
- It's f*cking Ret*rded.
You'd rather be f*cking
serving beefs all day?
Come on. Like an open road.
["Kansas City" playing]
With my Kansas City baby
And a bottle of Kansas City wine
Well, I might take a train
I might take a plane
But if I have to walk
I'm going just the same
I'm going to Kansas City
Kansas City, here I come
They got some crazy little women there
And I'm gonna get me one
Yo.
- Welcome to Indiana.
- There you go.
You're a f*cking world traveler, Rich.
- Congratulations.
- Let's go.
Oh yeah, you feel different?
[Song continues]
Oh, yeah
- [Richie] City of Magic.
- City of the century.
You think this happened overnight?
Oh yeah, they just flipped the switch.
- And everything just went [exclaims]
- They flipped a switch. [Laughs]
Definitely doesn't feel like Chicago.
[chuckles]
[chuckles]
It's like 35 minutes away. [Laughs]
[laughs] Yo. I don't know what to say.
She'll change quick.
They got crazy little women there
And I'm gonna get me one
They got crazy little women
- Call up Jimmy.
- Just
[phone dialing]
- [Tiffany, on phone] Hey! Hi hon. Hi.
- Hey. How are you feeling?
[Tiffany breathes deeply]
Uh, um, I, you know, I think I'm good.
- [groans]
- What do you mean?
I don't know.
I'm not sure how to describe it.
- It's just like, it's like
- What?
It's like, I feel like I have to
sh*t really bad, but I don't know.
I can't tell if this is
what the doctor said to look out for.
Okay.
Contraction? You think it's like
- Like Braxton Hicks?
- Okay.
Uh, yeah, probably.
But you know, I'll be okay.
It's not close to 5:15 yet, so.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, don't worry, I'm okay.
- Okay.
- Did you do the drop-off?
- Uh, almost.
- Uh-huh. Well, I'm proud of you.
I'm really proud of you. How's the drive?
Are you having fun?
Yeah, yeah, we're having a good time.
And how about Mikey? Is he okay?
- Yeah, he's good.
- Okay, that's great.
But don't smoke any cigarettes
though, honey. Promise me, right?
- Right.
- Okay.
Listen, I'm gonna call you back, okay?
- Try me if you need anything. I love you.
- All right. I love you.
Okay, I love you so much.
What's up? What did he say?
He said he'd let us know in a few hours.
He'll let us know.
What's a few?
- Like three? Four?
- Richie, I didn't say it. He said it.
We had hours to k*ll in Gary.
You still feeling respected?
f*ck it. Let's just, I don't know,
let's get something to eat.
You see that?
It's Michael Jackson's house.
- Huh.
- Yeah.
- Shamone!
- [laughs]
[car door closes]
Lock the door.
Meet you in there.
["When Someone Loves You Back" playing]
What we listening to, Teddy Pendergrass?
Yes, we are.
- Whoa, a little TP.
- I love
- Yes, I love Ted.
- Romantic hot dog place you got here.
[both laughing]
- Mmm.
- I listen to the old-school music.
- Yeah, I'm right there with you.
- It means something.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- And you know what they're saying.
[chuckles]
Hi. Welcome to Koney King.
- Appreciate you.
- Yo, Mike, this is Alicia.
- How are you, Alicia?
- Nice to meet you.
Mike. How are you?
I'll be your server.
Just let me know if you need anything.
- Appreciate it.
- I got you a lemonade.
You want some?
- You're missing out.
- Missing out, huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
How long have you worked here?
- I've been working here five years.
- Five years? Yeah.
- How's business? Pretty good?
- It's great.
- Yeah?
- I love it.
You love it? What do you love about it?
- I like working with people, the public.
- [Richard] There you go.
That's the answer right there.
Michael hates people.
- [laughs]
- Oh, man.
- Don't believe what he says.
- I don't like crowds.
I don't hate people,
but I just don't like crowds.
You cook at home?
You want the truth?
Yeah, only the truth.
No. When I leave here, I don't want
to go stand in front of a stove again.
- [Richie] That's it, huh?
- Y'all cook at home?
A little bit.
Sometimes I'll write out some pots
and pans, but I don't know, not too much.
I don't really cook
at the restaurant though, so.
What kind of restaurant?
- Similar to this. Similar to this spot.
- Okay.
You cook?
I do some cooking from time to time.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- [Alicia] What do you do?
- [Richie] What do I do, uh
- At the restaurant?
- At the restaurant. Yeah.
[Mikey] Yeah, what do you do?
Uh, I guess I'm a bit like a,
I don't know how you say it, like, like,
- kind of a bit of a song and dance man.
- There you go. There you go.
I don't know, public relations,
forward facing, you know.
- [Mikey laughs]
- That's good.
["Johnny Too Bad" playing]
Cousin, what do you think
of the name Annie?
Throw some names at me you like.
Hit me.
Call me crazy,
but I actually like the name Althea.
- Althea?
- Althea.
Althea sounds like the name
of like somebody that's getting
their a*s kicked all the time.
- Nah, Althea? Real strong.
- Althea.
- Sounds like a nerd.
- Nah. Althea?
Althea.
Althea later.
[both chuckling]
- Althea around noon.
- Althea
- Althea when I get back from, uh
- [chuckles]
From social studies.
Althea for dinner.
[both chuckling]
Althea when Althea.
[both chuckling]
[chuckles]
I met this, uh, Eva
that I liked once. Eva.
[Mikey] Oh, look at these little f*ck.
Oh, these little f*ck
are about to get it.
What's up girls?
Oh, we're gonna f*cking Okay. Yes, sir.
All right, you little f*ck.
You ready to get some?
It's my second favorite sport right here.
Hey, we got next.
[Mikey] Hey, what what's the score
of that game right there?
Are you guys hooping
or you picking daisies?
Let me and my boy get one of you.
We run threes. Which one?
All right, come on, daffodil.
You ready to win?
Yeah? Come here, young buck.
What's going on? I'm Mikey.
- Nice to meet you. Jaden.
- What's up, buddy? How are you?
Oh, we gonna have ba*ls like that?
Y'all want five points?
What's up? Mikey.
What's up? All right, let's run.
I don't even need to warm up.
Come on, Rich. Let's go.
- Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.
- It's time for a little silk and swede.
Y'all about to get it.
- You sure you don't need to stretch?
- I don't need to.
About to stretch you, boy.
Hold on, let's wait for him.
- You ready?
- Yeah.
Hey, good luck, youngsters.
- [Mikey] Let's go.
- [clamoring]
- [person 1] Come on.
- [Richie] Here, here, here.
[Mikey] I'm sorry. Where were you?
All right, play, play, play.
I got bigs. Go out there.
Stay with him. Stay in front of him.
- Uh-uh. [Laughs] That's gonna hurt.
- [person 1] Damn.
Let's go. Yeah, it's man game now.
It's different. Let's go. [Laughs]
- [person 2] Oh!
- You know it's the orange circle, right?
It's the orange You wanna
try to get it in that orange circle.
[Mikey] Everyone's afraid of contact
out here. Go to the basket.
That ain't happening.
[Mikey] Don't be afraid. Come on.
[cheers]
- [Mikey] Good for you.
- Mike, every dog has his day.
All right, bring it down there again.
It's 'cause I'm covering three guys, Rich.
Let's go. Play ball.
[laughs] f*ck.
It's every time. He's He's beating you
in the back f*cking door.
Yo, keep the f*cking door shut.
Do not let him
Do not let him get behind you.
It's this m*therf*cker.
All right, let's go.
Nice play. Oh, where are you going?
Yeah! That's what I'm talking about.
Hey, you got it. It's one. That's one.
[Richie] Let's go.
- [person 3] Hey.
- Come on. Yep. Hit one, daffodil.
That's a good shot, boy.
Thing's f*cking open.
- [person 4] All day long.
- I see it.
Hey, hey, hey, it's a shot
that f*cking counts, right?
Let's go. Play defense, hotshot.
[Richie] Heads up.
Let's go.
- [person 5] I see that. Hey, grow up.
- You all right, huh?
You all right?
Let's go. Play ball. Check up.
Check up. He's crying.
I'll tell you what, they breed 'em
soft out here in Indiana, huh?
- This ain't the '80s.
- It ain't the '80s? It ain't the '80s?
- Let's go.
- Hey, I don't like your attitude.
Did you change your diaper
before the game?
Like, do you Or do you just play?
What do you got a swim my on, huh?
You play with a swim my on?
Let's go. Next basket wins.
- [Richie] No.
- [person 1] f*ck off.
[Mikey] Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Hook this, baby. Let's f*cking go.
- You see that screen?
- Yeah!
I'm a f*cking lion. I love it.
- I love you, boy. Whoo!
- All day.
Hey, good sh*t, good sh*t, youngsters.
Good sh*t.
Look at that. Look at what he's doing.
Ah. Hey, young buck, you're not so bad.
Did you just miss a back
How do you miss a backdoor there?
You see the back of his head,
you got to cut to the
- And you're not passing the f*cking ball.
- Exactly. I've been trying to tell you.
You guys are f*cking garbage.
- The Indiana guys are f*cking garbage.
- [person 2] Hey, shut your b*tch-a*s up.
- Ooh. [Chuckles]
- You're negative.
You're negative. You know what?
Actually I'm about to
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's all right. Let him play.
Let him play. We love you. We love you.
Yo your f*cking Nikes
look like f*cking moccasins.
[both chuckling]
[Mikey] Fellas, it's been real.
Gary, Indiana.
[chuckling]
[bell chimes]
- [Richie] Hey, you got tall boys?
- Here we go.
[cashier] No tall boys.
Just regular boys like you.
[Richie chuckles] Funny.
See what we got here.
[Mikey imitates O-Dog]
Hey, yo, why you creeping?
[both chuckling]
Go on, get me some of that O-E.
- I'll f*ck with some of that Ides.
- Ides!
[in Korean accent]
Drink your beer and get out.
- Okay, okay.
- Don't drink beer in store.
- [Richie] Yo.
- I feel sorry for your mother.
- Bro, shut the f*ck up already.
- [Mikey chuckles]
- What you say about my mama?
- [shushes] Shut the f*ck
Sorry about my friend.
- Two, please.
- Two.
Let me get a scratch card.
Crescent kick is a defensive maneuver.
That's just, you know, clearing space.
- Just to Just to f*cking
- Snap kick is for for speed.
[Mikey chuckles]
Don't even see that f*ck coming.
But then if you need power, then you know,
it's just f*cking psychic
[exclaims] all day.
- Break a f*ck's knee, right?
- [exclaims]
- Ooh, I felt that sh*t.
- That's it.
Want me to tell you
what the move is though?
- Yeah.
- Look, I don't want to fight you at all.
I'm just going home. That's it.
- f*cking back kick.
- Back...
[exclaims] Right?
Back kick.
- I was getting there. [Chuckles]
- The power's out.
Ding dong, m*therf*cker.
[chuckles]
Oh, be careful there.
Be careful. Don't get on the new suit.
Hey, I'm so sorry about Boom!
Oh! And it's like so
it's like a f*cking mule.
Like, think about a mule. Like that
It's these big
You're actually generating force
with like the big f*cking muscles.
- [exclaims] You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah.
It's 'cause you're already
going this direction,
- then you come in that direction.
- Yeah.
You see, I just Even like
the sight of it, you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- f*ck yeah.
["Heart of the Sunrise" playing]
Why are we stopping?
Christmas, cousin.
[Mikey clears throat]
Hoo-hoo!
[inaudible]
Sure. Appreciate you.
[chuckles]
- Yes sir. Yes sir.
- [chuckles]
- You're f*cking unbelievable, bro.
- Coming?
Hee-haw.
[both chuckling]
We got f*cking magic powers, dog.
[Mikey laughs]
[Song ends]
"[A Shot of Rhythm and Blues" playing]
And your feet start movin' around
And if you start to swing and sway
When a band starts to play
A real cool and way-out sound
- And if you get the can't-help-its
- [mumbling]
And you can't sit down
You feel like you gotta move around
[Richie tapping]
You need a shot of rhythm and blues
With just a little rock and roll
On the side
- [sniffs, exclaims]
- [Mikey] Ooh!
- Smooth. Smooth one.
- [Mikey chuckles]
With your lover by your side
Then you know
You're gonna have a lot of pleasure
Don't you worry about a thing
If you start to dance and sing
And chill bumps come up on you
Yo.
And when that rhythm finally hits you
When the beat gets you too
You see that sign?
- Huh?
- Cousin, you see that sign over there?
Yeah.
[Song continues]
I think
Did you Did you see it before?
What you talking about?
I'm saying there is no way
The two of us are sitting here
for over an hour
and neither of us have seen
that f*cking sign right there.
Yeah, Rich, its a f*cking sign.
-I think that bar just appeared.
-Shut the f*ck up.
- Yo, for real. For real though.
- Shut the f*ck up.
I think that bar just
f*cking appeared, Michael.
[chuckles] Okay, bar just
f*cking appeared, Rich.
You don't think that's crazy?
Uh It's a f*cking bar.
- It's a sign.
- Mmm.
-It's a sign.
-"Open."
That sign is a sign.
That sign is a sign.
We're going in there.
Are you f*cking Ret*rded?
Are you f*cking
We've been sitting here an hour.
He's gonna call any minute.
- We're not going in a f*cking bar.
- What's the big deal?
We run in with a little f*cking shot
of rhythm and blues.
We're not going in the f*cking bar, Rich.
Just sit down and do your f*cking job.
Listen to what I'm telling you.
- Michael, that sign is a sign.
- Okay, it's a f*cking sign.
Some things are bigger
than you and me and f*cking Jimmy.
- We are going in there.
- We're not going in the f*cking bar.
- Just sit the f*ck down.
- Oh, man, I hate when you get like this.
- I get like
- I f*cking hate it.
Don't hit the f*ck What are you doing?
- What are you f*cking doing?
- All right. You're right. You're right.
- [Mikey] Damn it.
- You're right.
- We can't go in.
- Right.
[Song continues]
What are you doing?
Hey, Richie, get in the f*cking car.
Rich.
Sir, can you please
step out of the vehicle?
[chuckles]
Sir, please,
I'm not going to ask you again.
- Please step out of the vehicle.
- [chuckles]
License and registry. Okay, that's it.
- Put your vag*na where I can see it!
- [laughs]
- Put your vag*na right where I can see it!
- Stop! There's f*cking houses.
- Stop.
- Yo. Yo, come on.
What do you mean come on? We're not going.
Yo, come on, let's just go.
- I'm not going. No.
- One bourbon, one shot, one beer.
Just a little shot of rhythm
and blues and we come back.
- We're not doing it.
- Come on.
Your f*cking hand Are you f*cking cra
You f*cking do a shot of f*cking cocaine,
you think you can fight a f*cking tiger?
- Come on.
- Stop.
- It's f*cking terrible.
- What's terrible?
I'm like genuinely inspired here
and you're just sh1tting
all over my f*cking dreams.
It's terrible. I hope you feel good
about yourself right now.
Why are you pressuring me?
Come on.
All right, f*ck you.
f*ck.
- [sniffles] I'm going in.
- Go in.
- I'm going in.
- Go in.
Oh, sh*t.
Yo, I'm good? How do I look?
You look like a f*cking barbarian.
You look like my father.
All right, I'm going to go.
Honk if you need anything.
- Yeah!
- [sighs]
[trills]
You'll f*cking see.
You'll f*cking see.
You're gonna remember this f*cking day.
That's a f*cking sign!
[people clamoring]
["Paid in Full" playing]
Thinkin' of a master plan
'Cause ain't nothin'
But sweat inside my hand
So I dig into my pocket
All my money spent
So I dig deeper
But still coming up with lint
So I start my mission
Leave my residence
Thinking
"How could I get some dead presidents?"
I need money
I used to be a stick-up kid
So I think of all
The devious things I did
I used to roll up
"This is a hold-up, ain't nothing funny
"Stop smiling, be still
Don't nothing move but the money"
But now, I've learned to earn
'Cause I'm righteous
I feel great, so maybe, I might just
Search for a nine to five
- [knocks on door]
- [sniffles] Hey.
- Hey.
- [chuckles]
You Mike?
[chuckles] Yeah.
Is it true? [Chuckles]
What's that?
You're one of the goalies
for The Blackhawks?
[laughing] Uh
Yeah?
EBUG?
[Mike inhales sharply]
That's right.
What is that? What's an EBUG?
That's the emergency backup goalie.
Yeah, yeah. I, like, never play,
but, yeah, I'm with the squad.
- That's cool. That's cool.
- Mmm.
Yeah, your buddy told us about you.
Yeah, I bet he did.
He also said, um, tell you
to put your big boy pants on
[laughs]
and join us in the bar.
Sounds about right.
- Oh, boy.
- I'm just a messenger.
I got it. Okay.
- It's pretty fun though.
- Okay.
I think you'll like it.
- Okay, okay. Yeah, I'm coming.
[sighs]
["You're Gonna Miss Me" playing]
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
[bargoer 1] So I
One time after a night out,
uh, I got a ride home,
but they took me to the wrong house,
and I was too embarrassed to tell them
that I knocked on the door of the house
and and convinced them to let me
just come inside
for a little bit. [Laughs]
- [all] It's a fact. Fact.
- It's true!
[Richie] That's a fact!
[laughing, chattering]
[bargoer 2] Okay, all right.
[all] You're on, you're on. Let's go.
All right. [Thuds]
- Nine years old. I'm an altar boy.
- [bargoer 2] Mm-hmm.
[all] Fiction, fiction.
- Yo! What the
- [all laughing]
[bargoer 3] No, no. Immediately no.
- You guys are f*cking good.
- [all laugh]
All right,
can I take another crack at this?
All right.
Okay, um, my senior year,
uh, I was doing pretty well in school,
but with f*cking maths,
I'm with my f*cking you know? So
[bargoer 4]
Hey, look what did the cat drag in.
- Hey, everybody. How's it going?
- Yo. You see this?
- Sorry for interrupting.
- f*cking great.
Um. So my grandma,
she gave me an ultimatum.
She was like,
"You got to get a math tutor."
And so she told me about this lady,
Roxelana, who sang in her church choir,
who she was like a-a-a math professor
for Cooks County Community.
And I was like, "No f*cking way, Grandma.
I don't want to f*cking do this."
I don't want to do the math tutor
with some f*cking 90-year-old,
"like, you know, f*cking babushka," like
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Like So
But she was like, "Listen,
you gotta do it or you gotta move out."
So, come Thursday, 7:30.
- I'm at this dude's house
- [bargoer 3] Right.
eating his f*cking mom's golden lasagn,
you know, and I realized, like,
I gotta be at, uh, at Roxelana's,
this tutor's, you know,
in, like, five minutes.
So I f*cking down my cranberry juice
and I f*cking sprint over there,
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, knock on the door.
And this f*cking woman
that opens the door, I swear to God,
like straight out of Sports Illustrated
f*cking swimsuit issue.
This is the most gorgeous woman
I've ever seen up to this point.
Jet black hair, long all the way down,
just kissing kind of the top of her butt,
you know, and we get in...
What, what, what, what, what?
Do you guys wanna fact or fiction me yet
or you wanna hear more of the story?
You wanna hear the story?
Yeah, you wanna hear the story.
Okay, all right, so we get in there.
We're talking math, and all of a sudden,
I feel my entire insides
just turn to liquid,
and I got to take a sh*t, like bad.
But I know that she got one little
bathroom right there, this tiny thing.
I know if I go in there,
she's gonna hear everything, you know
[bargoer 5] Oh, God.
and I'm just like, I mean,
on the outside, I'm cool as a cucumber,
you know, we're talking math,
and on the inside I'm just like,
"Come on, as*h*le,
don't you f*cking fail me now, baby."
[all laugh]
And somehow, by the grace of God,
I make it through
this f*cking tutor session, right?
- [bargoer 5] That's not healthy.
- Mmm.
So, Roxelana, pleasure to meet you.
I'll see you next Thursday,
you know, ba-ba-ba.
I get outside and I'm like,
"Yes, I'm gonna f*cking make it."
I start to walk quickly back up
back down, and it just comes out.
That's it.
It all And it's just like that's
[stammers] that's what is happening.
And I'm just I start
to pull my drawers down, my pants down.
I look like one of those, um, photographs
of the guys that just discovered oil,
you know, like with this like,
like stuff is gurgling.
I can't tell what's coming up,
and it's just like some mud and sh*t,
and everywhere.
[stammers] And I have this
incredible feeling of relief, right?
Until I see her little porch light
come on
- [bargoer 2] No.
- and time slows down.
- And I see her doorknob turn and open.
- [all] No.
And I look at her,
and she looks at me very quickly,
and then she quickly looks away.
And, [laughing]
and I just f*cking take off through
the hedges and I'm just f*cking running.
I'm just heading right back
to Michael's house.
I'm covered with brambles,
and my ba*ls are slapping on either side.
And I just got, like, a trail behind me.
And I just can't stop laughing
and I'm crying with laughter
'cause I know in six blocks
down f*cking Milwaukee,
I'm gonna be at this dude's house
and I'm going to tell him this story,
and this m*therf*cker is gonna love it.
- [all] Aw.
- Fact or fiction?
[all laughing] Fact!
Facts.
Sadly, sadly, it is a fact.
That is a f*cking fact.
I love you, bro. I love you.
All right. [Stammers] This one's on me.
I-I subject you guys to it.
- [all] Oh, no.
- All right. Hold on.
I'll be right back. I'll be right back.
[all cheering, clapping]
[bargoer 5] Yes, sir.
You know, I know, right?
What's that?
Huh?
You know I know you're not a goalie
for Blackhawks. [Laughing]
Uh [laughs] Yes.
That's total bullshit, yeah.
Mmm.
- What gave it away?
- [laughing]
Oh, something in your eyes.
- [continues laughing]
- Yeah, fair. Fair.
You prefer Mike, Mikey, Michael?
Oh, it's it's got to be your call, yeah.
No preference, huh?
- Preference, up to the customer.
- Mmm.
How about you?
What-what-what's your name?
Can you tell me? [Chuckles]
Guess.
Guess?
Oh, man, uh, Daphne.
Bridget, I don't know. What?
- S Sh
- Shh.
Oh, boy, Shonda, sh-sh-sh*t.
- f*ck, I don't know.
- Sherri.
- Sherri, okay.
- [laughs]
Sherri from Gary.
Oh, hey, that's the first time
I've ever heard that.
You don't want to play the game, huh?
Eh.
I don't know if that one's for me.
I mean, you
You-You wanna go. It's
- Sure, I'll go.
- Yeah?
I'll go.
Fact or fiction, Michael.
Okay.
Uh
Ask me a question.
You're from here?
I am not from Indiana.
I am from Portland. Maine, not Oregon.
Okay.
What are you doing here?
- Needed to start over
- Uh-huh.
and to get away from someone, something.
Got in my '88 Honda Accord
and started driving west
and my car broke down
not too far from here.
My mom's favorite movie
was Love in the Afternoon
- starring Gary Cooper.
- Mmm.
She always said she would've named me
Gary if I was a boy,
so I saw the sign
and I was like, "All right, Ma."
Stayed one night. It was quiet.
I like a ghost town, you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
- Kept staying.
- Mm-hmm.
Worked at this jazz joint.
Jazz joint down
on Broadway called Dirties.
- Dirties?
- Yeah, I work at the bar.
- You like it?
- It's great.
Why?
Come on, what's not to like about a divey
jazz and blues joint in Gary, Indiana?
[exhales] Eh Ah
Seem That is a fact.
- Fiction.
- No, really?
- Yeah.
- f*ck, f*ck.
[laughs]
Gary Cooper sh*t.
I would suspect this m*therf*cker.
- No, that's real.
- No, that's real?
- No, it's not.
- Oh, f*ck.
- [laughing]
- I'm never gonna believe you.
["Driftin' Blues" playing]
- Tiff, it's me. It's Richie.
- Wait. No, I can barely hear you.
Tiff, it's me, Richard!
Oh, hi! Where are you?
I'm in f*cking Gary.
So loud there.
It's going so good.
You sound like you're in a bar.
Are you in a bar?
We're in a bar.
Why are you in a bar?
'Cause the clients.
What clients?
What clients are you meeting there?
They're clients from Jimmy.
Tiff, it's going so f*cking good.
Mikey is so smooth,
he's so f*cking smooth.
- It's Mikey is so smooth!
- I can't really...
[line breaking] Okay.
We're having such a good time.
[line breaking] Okay, can you hear me?
'Cause I can't really hear you.
- Hello? Hello?
- [stammers] How are you feeling?
- Do it again?
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
- All right.
I was born and raised
right the f*ck here in Gary, Indiana.
I lived here my whole life.
I love to travel, I've gone everywhere,
but I lived here my whole life.
I love trains. Do not put me on a boat.
Let's see, I got two older sisters.
They got a different dad who I thought
was Santa Claus until I was 11 years old.
- I'm not sh1tting about that one.
- [chuckles] Mmm.
I had ovarian cancer when I was 22.
Hmm.
My mom is okay. My dad is not.
We have a three-legged dog named Lucky.
He's the coolest dude in town.
[sighs] Man. I mean, that's...
And I studied to be an arborist.
- An arborist?
- Yeah.
- You like trees?
- I do.
You do? Why? Why do you like trees?
[sighs] They're quiet, sturdy, reliable.
They're always there when you need them.
Yeah, yeah.
And they're pretty.
That's a f*cking fact.
Maybe.
It's a fact.
Maybe, maybe not.
What makes you say it's a fact?
Uh You just
I don't know,
you're sp-speaking from your heart.
Right?
What are you looking for, Michael?
Anything?
Oh. [Chuckles] There you are, Sarah.
[Mikey laughs]
- I think he just called me Sarah.
- [laughing]
- I mean, a pretty upgrade.
- [laughing]
- Hear what he f*cking calls me.
- [continues laughing]
[Richie] Okay, so it's 3:17 right now.
I So I got enough time
to be home by 5:15, right?
- [bargoer 4] Oh, yeah.
- All right, we good?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, if the train isn't running.
- [bargoer 3] Oh.
- under the channel.
What-What happens with the train?
[bargoer 6]
You'll get caught behind. It is.
- O...
- Jones. [Stammers]
- Oh, okay. All right, thanks, guys.
- Leave yourself a buffer.
That's, like, kinda the whole operation,
you know.
- Wow. So you like work for him?
- Hmm.
Uh, I mean, I'm,
I'm self-employed, you know.
- Yeah, yeah, so you're the boss.
- [chuckles]
Yeah, I guess I'm the boss.
A lot of people depend on you.
And I depend on a lot of people.
I bet you're a good leader.
[sighs, chuckles]
People like
that people say things about me.
And what do they say?
They say that I don't finish things.
Fact or fiction, Michael?
You mind if I do a pump?
I want you to be you.
That's
That's the coolest thing I've ever heard.
[both chuckle]
Do you plan to be there for it?
Yeah, yeah, no, I'm gonna be back.
We're just down here want to wrapping up
some business and I'll be back up there.
Put my catchers mitt on
ready to f*cking go.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- What's her name?
I can't tell you that.
That's like a birthday wish.
No, no, no, I would tell you,
but my wife's got all
She's all superstitious
about a lot of this stuff,
and she's like
She doesn't want to be sharing it.
We're having a girl.
I can tell you we're having a girl.
- Ooh.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You?
- I'm good.
- No.
- Uh-uh.
There was this, um
- When I when I was a kid, you know
- Yeah.
my mom, she used to do this thing
where, like, when she was, like,
on, like, the perfect mixture
of, like, all kinds of f*cking things
in her system,
you know, it's just, like, perfect.
She she'd, like, come in my room
in the middle of the night, you know,
and she'd, like, scratch my back
and she had like the longest nails.
- Hmm.
- And she just, you know, and she used to
She used to walk me
through my day, you know,
like-like the most f*cking minute details.
So, you know, like-like describing
every little f*cking bit of fabric
of the f*cking day, you know.
Like what we're going to eat,
when we're gonna wake up,
what I was gonna wear,
what was going to be on the radio.
Like every f*cking thing,
you know. Just like
[sighs] It would make me feel like,
I don't know
Like [stutters]
it would just make me feel so relaxed.
- Like held? Like really held? Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, like, no matter what was going
to happen that day, it didn't matter,
like, a f*cking test or some sh*t bag
I had to f*cking deal with.
Like, I knew that
and she had planned it for me.
It was great, and I remember
there was this one time I was like,
"Hey, Ma.
[chuckles] Hey, Ma, will you come in
and tell me about my day tomorrow?"
And she was like
She got kinda angry,
you know, she's was like
She's was like, "Mikey, f*cking difference
does it make? It's just a day."
Like [stutters] I still didn't
understand how that could be like
Like this, um
Like-Like how that could
be the same person, you know.
Mm-hmm.
- That's That's so scary.
- Hmm.
[chuckles, sniffles]
Yeah, she shouldn't have done that.
She tried her best.
Can I Can I sit with you?
Yeah, I wish you would.
[Mikey chuckles]
- Come on in, the water is fine.
- Oh, boy.
[both chuckle]
His first impulse was the f*cking movie.
You know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying? The one
without the narration, that's the one.
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay?
- I gotta call my uncle.
- You're gonna call him?
- All right.
- Call him. Let's all
Everyone call their uncle.
Jimmy, it's Rich.
Where the f*ck are you now?
All right. Call me back.
This is just like,
you know, this way of seeing the world,
you know, like this perspective, you know,
this lens that I've always had.
Like these things that just bother people
and hurt people
and make them frustrated or furious,
you know.
Like to me, it just I-I-I never got it.
- It didn't affect me like that.
- It doesn't matter.
No, it doesn't f*cking What matters
- Nothing f*cking matters.
- Nothing matters.
Nothing f*cking matters,
and I get that, right?
- Yeah.
- And it's meaningless.
So why
And [stammers] when I'd go on that trip,
like, I could catch this groove, you know,
sometimes for like weeks at-at a time,
you know, like sometimes for months.
I just like I'd just like have this,
like, bliss, you know.
- Mm-hmm.
- And yeah, I know I'm, like-like
[chuckles] I'm like all f*cking, like,
babbling and sh*t,
like, here in a f*cking bathroom
like a f*cking baby,
but I-I-I could be, like,
I could be a f*cking blast.
I can be a bla Like, I can share it,
you know. And then all of a sudden,
like, out of nowhere, those same thoughts,
like-like-like this kind
of meaninglessness of it all, you know.
It [sighs] It like makes me sad.
Yeah.
Nothing matters. It sets you free,
but then where are you, right?
- It's the same thing.
- You're nowhere.
- It's the same thing. And then I'm like
- Yeah.
Like, so sad, like I'm
f*cking drowning, you know.
My jaw feels f*cking
Like, a million f*cking pounds.
And I-I-I It's like I don't want to
That sounds exhausting.
You must be really tired.
[sighs]
[crowd cheering]
["96 Tears" plays]
Oh, yeah. Over the top. Over the top.
Yeah. Over the top. Over the top.
- [crowd cheering]
- [all] Yeah.
[grunts]
[cheers]
Too many teardrops
For one heart to be
[crowd cheering in a distance]
- [Richie] Mike, you in there?
- Yeah, Rich, I'm good.
I'm good. I'm coming.
- [Richie] All right. We gotta go.
- [knocks on door]
- Yeah.
- [Richie] I'm sorry to interrupt you guys.
Cousin, we gotta we gotta go.
- Okay, we're going.
- [Richie] We gotta go. Like, now.
- Rich, don't do that. I said I'm coming.
- [Richie] Mike, I'm serious.
Okay, we're f*cking going!
[Richie] Cousin, Jimmy said he
hasn't heard from you all day.
- This guy is waiting.
- Okay. I heard you.
- Cousin, I'm coming.
- [Richie] All right.
- I'll be, uh, right outside.
- f*ck man that's
[both chuckle]
Hey, I'll come back.
Fiction.
["Heart of the Sunrise" plays]
Yo, Cousin, it's go time. We gotta go.
You look like f*cking Ronald McDonald.
What's wrong?
[chuckles] No.
Yo, your phone is dead, huh?
- Michael, come on.
- Just leaving the phone.
It's not a capital crime.
What's the problem?
- Yo, Cousin, we got this meeting in ten.
- Where's the fire? Where's the fire?
- We're going, we're going. Okay, okay.
- All right.
- Hey, let's hit it.
- Yeah.
Yo, we're out of here.
- What about my turn? Fact or fiction?
- Nice to meet you guys.
It's been a pleasure to meet y'all.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
[Mikey] Hang on.
Hey, we're in America though, right?
Last time I checked, Gary,
Indiana is in the sovereign United States.
Is it not, Vanessa?
Are we not in Amer? Everybody get a turn.
- Everybody gets a turn. f*cking, don't
- All right.
How great are you f*cking people?
How great is this f*cking
[all cheering]
- This place got f*cking heart.
- That's what I was trying to tell you.
Magic. This place is magic.
All right.
Yo. We're just a pair of f*cking wired
and worried travelers,
and we f*cking love it here. We thank you.
We thank you, Gary f*cking Indiana.
We thank you.
- [all cheer]
- Magic, magic.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- [Mikey] I just want to take
this opportunity because right now,
my, uh,
my fine furry Cousin right there,
my f*cking best friend.
Any second now, he's gonna be a dad.
[all cheer]
- Not only that. Not only that. Not on
- [Richie] Hang on. Hold on.
Hey, he's happy.
He's happy. Rich, you're happy.
Right now,
I swear this is this is the most
It's, like, the most healthy
and, like, you're-you're you're full.
You're full and I love it.
He's in love, you know.
f*ck cannot wait to be a father either.
I mean, he can't f*cking [chuckles]
he can't he can't f*cking wait.
I mean, he-he's got this pride.
You're glowing, Rich.
You're glowing. I love you.
It's my f*cking boy. I love you.
I love you. I love you.
I love you so much.
f*cking love you.
Look at him, he's gonna be a dad.
Look at him.
Look at this f*cking
That's going to be a father.
That. That right there is going
to be a father, right?
f*cking kid's gonna end up
abandoned and alone just like he was.
But hey, sh*t, hey, at least you
went into it with a good f*cking mindset,
right, kid, huh? [Chuckles]
I mean, no, no, no, no, no, it's okay.
No, I love it. That's-that's the thing.
That's the thing you got to know
about Rich, man, is that the one thing
that you can absolutely f*cking depend on
with this f*cking guy
is that if he is involved,
he's going to f*ck it up.
I mean, he is going to f*ck it up
and everybody knows it.
I mean [stammers] nobody says it, right?
Nobody says it because everybody's
a f*cking coward and a f*cking liar.
But this isn't going to be
any f*cking different.
I mean, he's going to f*ck this.
He's got his entire life is a f*cking bed
that he took a sh*t in the middle of
and he just smears it right
and that's what's beautiful.
- Hey. Hey.
- Look at him. He's beautiful.
But he's got to f*ck this up too, right?
No, no, no, no, no, no,
it's okay. It's okay. Everybody knows it.
They don't say it, but they look, look.
Ooh.
Oh, look at his eyes.
Look at those beady little f*cking eyes.
He knows it too.
- That's the f*cking thing.
- [Richie] All right.
He knows it too.
- Well, all right, what? We gotta go.
- [Richie] We gotta go.
We gotta. Where are we going?
- Where-Where are we f*cking going?
- [Richie] Yo, we got this meeting.
Yeah. We got it.
You know what you ought to do?
You ought to get in the f*cking truck
and just start f*cking driving.
- [Richie] All right.
- Just f*cking bolt, Rich.
Just f*cking you wanna do
that kid of yours a favor?
Just f*cking bolt. Just f*cking hit
the f*cking road and do not come back.
- You wanna do him a favor, right?
- [Richie] Okay. Okay.
No, it's fine. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. It's the truth.
It's the truth.
What you're gonna be a good father?
Is that what you got to be?
Huh, Ronald McDonald,
you're gonna be a good father?
Are you gonna be a good father?
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. Just say it.
Just say you're gonna f*ck it up, right?
Come on, you're not mad. Don't be mad.
- You're not mad.
- [Richie] I'm not...
- You're not mad. Are you mad? Are you mad?
- Stop. Stop.
You're not mad. You're not mad.
No, just say it...
- [person] Oh, my God.
- Stop it.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- [Richie] Stop that.
Ah!
He's telling the f*cking truth finally.
He's telling the f*cking truth.
Say it again.
You hate me? You hate me, Rich? [Spits]
You gonna f*ck this up, Rich.
Just say that and we'll go.
- Say it and we'll go. Oh.
- [crowd] Oh.
[person] All right. That's an
I don't know.
Stop.
[Mikey] At least you're not lying anymore.
- Why are you doing?
- [Mikey] I love you.
- Why are you doing this?
- [Mikey] I love you.
[Sherri] Just
You're a coward, Rich.
You're a f*cking coward.
- I'm a coward?
- [Mikey] You're a coward.
I'm a coward.
A coward.
[Richie] I'm a coward.
Kid's gonna hate you, Rich.
Kid's gonna
This is
[chuckles]
No, no, no. [Stammers] Mm-mmm. [Chuckles]
[tires screech]
[car beeping]
[car door closes]
Hey, One of you Mikey?
This is for Jimmy.
[sighs]
[sniffs]
[car door opens]
- [car door closes]
- What's in the box?
[engine starts]
Plastic pump impellers.
What do, uh
What do plastic pump impellers do?
They rotate.
Hmm.
Okay. See you around.
Probably not.
FedEx strikes are over.
- [tailgate opens]
- [box thuds]
[sighs]
[engine starts]
- [railroad crossing bell ringing]
- [train whistle blowing]
[horn honks]
- No. No. No.
- [tires screech]
[glass shatter]
["Heart of the Sunrise" plays]
Love comes to you and you follow
Lose one,
on to the heart of the sunrise
Sharp
Distance
How can the wind
with its arms all around me?
Lost on a wave and then after
Dream on
On to the heart of the sunrise
Sharp
Distance
How can the wind
with so many around me?
Lost in the city
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Gary (2026)
Moderators: Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341