01x02 - The Ring

[bunniefuu]

[Nicole] Aah, we're like rich!

[Nicole and Deena screaming]

We're back, b*tches! It's Ronnie and Pauly!

[Deena] It's Ronnie and Pauly! It's Ronnie and Pauly!

[Pauly D] Guess what? We're back in Miami.

This vacation is gonna be the biggest [bleep] show

Miami has ever seen. Where's Mike?

[reporter] Michael Sorrentino is in court today

on charges of tax evasion.

[Mike] The judge, he allowed me

to come down to Miami and see you guys.

Situation's coming to Miami.

Yay!

[Vinny and Nicole screaming]

What the [bleep] is that?!

[Pauly D] Oh, hey, Sam!

[Nicole] Whoo!

It's been a long time since we've all been

living under the same roof, and we all grew up.

Whoa!

Sort of.

[Vinny] Oh, my God.

[Ronnie] Nicole! Nicole!

♪ Here I come

[Pauly D] Yeah, buddy!

[Nicole] Party's here!

[Mike] The Situation is under construction.

[Ronnie] This might not have been the best idea.

[Jenni] We're so classy now.

[Vinny] On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

[Deena] Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

♪ Here I come ♪

[Ronnie] Nicole!

[Jenni] Nicole!

Let's go in the cab right now. Let's go.

I'm putting her in.

Ow! Nicole!

[Vinny] Oh, my God.

We're done, we're done. We're up, we're going in.

[Nicole screaming]

Go. Go, go, go.

[Vinny] Get in this car, you [bleep] guido!

I'm looking around and I'm realizing that we're not these,

like, wiser, mature people.

We're still the same [bleep] show

that was around five years ago.

Ow! Oh, my God, ow! You're so aggressive.

Oh, my God, you're just so rude. Stop it.

I would've wiped that-- Don't [bleep] punch me in the face.

I'm [bleep] done.

No, don't be done. Brothers and sisters fight.

Don't slap me in the face.

Brothers and sisters fight.

I've seen it happen before, because I have a sister.

[Nicole] I have to pee. I have to pee real bad.

[Jenni] Look, look down. Look!

I don't want you to touch me.

Yo, where did my wife go? She was the hottest [bleep].

I don't know.

DJ Pauly D's type was that girl.

Like, I-- I need her to come back.

But [bleep] me, right? What do I care?

I just DJ. You know why I took that job?

'Cause it was the easiest one to spell-- D-J.

[Nicole] Are we here already?

Ow!

[Vinny] Yo, why is it so dark in here?

[Nicole] Aah!

[Deena] Wait, what? Isn't this our house?

The switches don't work.

Aw, here we go. Power's out. Nothing, just dark.

[glass shatters] [Deena]Ow! Unh!

It turned that whole house into chaos.

[Vinny] Oh, [bleep], there's glass there, be careful.

I just broke a lot of things.

[Vinny] We have six drunk guidos

with no power and no lights in the house.

[Nicole screaming] Pauly, you're stepping on me!

Sorry about that. You stepped on me!

Why are the lights out?!

[Vinny] If this night wasn't already messed up, it just got worse.

[Nicole] I'm going pee-pee.

[Pauly D] Nicole, it's too dark.

Just-- Everyone, just go away. I'm going in the pool.

[Jenni]Nicole!

I wanna [bleep] pee!

[Vinny] No, don't go in the--

[Jenni] No, let her-- let her [bleep]--

Yo, you can't do that!

Just let it happen.

[Deena] Yeah, that's fine. Pee, baby.

You pee. Love you.

[Jenni] Nicole, stop!

Oh, my God. That pool's not heated.

Oh, my God! That pool's not heated.

I'm pissing. [Deena] Do it, baby!

[Pauly D] What the [bleep]?

Yeah, some things just don't change.

Guys, this is an epic first night.

It's like when you put a tiger, like, in captivity.

It's tamer.

I need a [bleep] drink.

But take that tiger, put him in the jungle,

still gonna be a [bleep] tiger.

Take Snooki, put her in Miami, still gonna be a Snooki.

I'm gonna smoke a cigarette after that lift.

Holy [bleep]. That's not a light girl.

[Pauly D] Hey, yo, Vinny,

who do you have to [bleep] around here to get a pizza?

Not you, I hope.

[knock on door] Hello! Pizza's here.

Oh, wait, we have pizza?

Thank you. Pizza's here.

Oh, my God! We have a pizza!

Pizza's here, bro.

[Deena] What's on it? Pepperoni.

Oh, I like pepperoni.

What is he doing? Are you gonna eat crust on one of them?

What the [bleep] is going on right now?

We're all enjoying our slices,

and Vin's just like picking at the pizza.

You're only just picking the cheese off?

[Deena] You're so weird.

Vinny, stop that [bleep], eat the crust.

Vin, really? You're really gonna disrespect that pie like that?

That is not the Italian way. This is pizza.

Fold it in half and stick it in your mouth.

What is wrong with this guy?

He's like a pelican just [bleep] nipping at it.

[pelican chirping] Eat the [bleep] pizza!

[Deena] Get your [bleep] together, Vin.

We eat carbs!

We're Italian! We're allowed!

You look up the most a*s[bleep] way to eat a pizza

in the dictionary, it is that.

Vinny.

No, for real, like, does anybody have a dictionary?

[Ronnie] This guy eats six slices with straight pepperoni and cheese.

Yo, where's Sam?

Where is Sam? She's such a doll now.

[Sammi's Voice] The smaller the shorts, the better.

Let's get Sam over here, [bleep] it.

[Deena] No!

Stop [bleep] touching the [bleep] that looks like her.

It's just gross.

She's not [bleep] here, so who the [bleep] cares?

Ohh!

Yeah, he's, like, annoying. I don't get it.

Don't get me started.

Oh, don't get you started with what?

Don't you-- With me?

Don't get you started with me? What did I ever do to you?

[Ronnie chuckles]

Because you really did [bleep] me.

Oh, here we go. [Pauly D] Wait, what?

I was doing a countdown...

No, I was not going to go there until you just said it.

I was gonna, like, count down the days-- Wait, what?

I was gonna count down the days till it happened.

You were the one that just

[bleep] brought it up.

I don't want to bring it up

because I don't want to talk about it at all, Ron.

Okay, but...

When my father passed away, everyone reached out to me.

Ron was the only one that never--

I didn't get a text from him, I didn't get call, nothing.

It really hurt me.

Well... the reason I didn't reach out,

the reason I didn't do that

is because I just didn't know what to say.

Like, what do I say to someone that, like,

I love no matter what, but you're the other person's best friend.

With what? With Sam?

[Ronnie] What do you want do?

Go to a funeral so you can hang out with Sam?

I knew mentally, like, I couldn't deal with that.

Well, I don't give a [bleep] about that.

Guys, let's change the subject.

Listen! Guys, let's change the subject.

Dee-- He loves you.

Come on, Dee. She always put herself between us.

It doesn't matter. She always made us choose.

It doesn't [bleep] matter what she did.

She always made you choose, and you guys always chose her.

No, no, no, no, no! You guys always chose her.

No, no, no, no, no!

Come on, Dee, you guys always chose her. No, no, no!

Regardless what she did, Ronnie,

you should've came to me as...

me and you! Me and you!

But at the time-- At the time--

It doesn't matter!

You guys were so up each other's asses that I couldn't...

Yes, me and Sam were very close.

Exactly, so I couldn't come to you knowing that, like--

No, it doesn't matter. No, you don't get that.

No, no, no!

When my dad died, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't [bleep] matter who was close.

It doesn't matter about Sam.

That has nothing to do with Sam.

So please.

You come up to me and you [bleep] tell me you're sorry.

'Cause you knew my dad.

You weren't [bleep] there. That [bleep] k*lled me.

♪♪

You come up to me

and you [bleep] tell me you're sorry.

'Cause you knew my dad.

You weren't [bleep] there.

That [bleep] k*lled me.

[Ronnie] When Deena's dad passed away,

I was in a bad place.

Me and Sam had broken up, and I was gonna through

my own personal stuff at the time, you know.

Depression, whatever you want to call it,

and I was dealing with my own issues,

and I made a mistake by not reaching out.

I'm just sorry I couldn't be there, Dee.

[sniffs] At that point in my life,

I was not mentally, physically, anything stable.

I can't justify it. It's not an excuse or a reason.

Like, I should've been there for you, and I'm sorry.

If it would've happened now, it would've been a completely different outcome.

But it didn't, and I made a mistake, and that's what--

you know, and I'll do whatever I have to do to make it up to you.

[Deena] You know, me and Ron, we'll move past this.

I'm not one to hold grudges, and I know my dad

is up there, like, telling me, "Get over it."

I just went through a lot. I miss him.

Oh, he's watching in the good place.

Yeah. He's watching us in Heaven.

Yeah, he's in a good place.

[Deena] Yeah... thank you.

I know, bud.

♪ Rising about the dust

[Deena] I miss my dad so much.

And I should've been there for you.

[Deena sniffles]

[Ronnie sniffles]

[bird chirping]

♪♪

[Nicole burps] My God.

Huh?

[Nicole] So, waking up this morning,

I was like, how did I get here?

I have no idea what happened last night.

So hung-over I want to k*ll myself.

Ugh, I feel like [bleep].

I'm gonna call Jionni first.

[bleep], we don't have power!

Oh, my God, the fridge is off,

so now everything's gonna be rotten.

What the [bleep]?

Oh, my God, there's ants everywhere.

[bleep] me in the a*s. Oh, my God!

We have ants! We have ants.

What are you doing? We have ants everywhere.

Eww, no, we don't. b*tch, this is a disaster.

Oh, God.How did this happen in one night?

I don't know why we can't get it together.

Oh, my God, there's ants, they're crawling on my face.

Ew. I hate my life, I hate my life.

I hate my life. Ooh!

It's crawling on my arm, it's crawling on my arm!

It's happening.

Oh, my God, I hate it.

Ugh!

God. Whew! They'll lay eggs in my ears.

Ants everywhere.

Oh, my God, you reek of alcohol.

You're rude. Come on.

I'm starving.

Oh, my God!

Aah!

Yeah, pizza!

Oh, my God, I can't believe we have a full pie of pepperoni pizza.

I'm eating it. Ooh, jeez!

We don't have power, but at least we have pizza and alcohol.

That's all we need.

I love you. You're my best friend.

[Jenni] So where are we going, guys?

Let's go to Oceans, have a bulldog. Yes.

I'm gonna pick up Mike at the airport in a couple hours.

You are? Yes! Mm-hmm.

We should roll out now and get food.

t's happening. Let's go. [bleep]!

Oh, my God, are you okay?

[bleep]!

[Jenni] We can all fit in one, though, by the way.

[Deena] They didn't want us with them?

No, no. What scums.

I feel better already, only had one bite.

[Nicole] I'm not shaking anymore.

I can't take it with those glasses.

Look at yours.

Yours is the square version of mine, same color and rim.

You're so right.

Nicole, when did you get your boobs done?

October last year. Let me see?

[laughter]

I love them.

The best decision I've ever made.

Told you. Especially after the kids.

My t*ts looked like b*ll s*ck after I had the kids.

[women laughing]

What were yours like? When you have implants and have kids?

When did you get boobs, ? Yeah.

Can you still breastfeed with them?

Um, I did for Meilani,

but then I went and had my boobs redone...

♪♪ I like this song.

...after her because she destroyed me.

♪♪ I like the beat.

I need a drink. I need another drink.

You okay?

We're at Oceans, and I hear Lorenzo's favorite song,

and I'm like, "I wanna go home. Like, I miss him."

♪♪ This is his favorite song?

♪♪

Oh, my God.

Sorry, I can't look at you, because if you do it,

then I'll do it.

I miss my kids. I'm sorry.

♪♪

It's happening. Stop it.

I'm sorry.

It's a chain reaction, sorry.

Now we're all done.

I [bleep] miss my kids, man.

[Jenni] Nicole's crying,

and I'm, like, trying to look away, and I'm like,

"Don't do it, don't do it, wipe your tears,"

but this is the longest I've ever been away from my kids.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

You okay, babe? Jenni?

I just made her upset. I didn't mean to.

[Pauly D] Damn.

♪♪

[Nicole] [bleep] miss my kids, man.

Oh, my God, don't.

I'm sorry. I just made her upset.

I didn't mean to.

What happened?

Lorenzo's favorite song came on, she got really emotional.

[Vinny] Who? Nicole.

Nicole got emotional? [Pauly and Deena] Yeah.

So why'd Jenni walk away?

[Vinny] We're, like, only like a couple days in.

What is happening?

It's called having a family, bro.

People to worry about.

I don't know what that's like.

[Ronnie laughing]

[exhales] I'm starting to reconsider this whole thing.

[chuckles]

I miss my dog. [Ronnie laughs]

[toilet flushes]

[Nicole] You mad at me? No.

It's only day two. How are we gonna survive this?

I just gotta switch it off.

I love being here.

I love seeing my roommates,

but I get the mom guilt.

You're a mom.

How dare you drink, and act a fool, and have fun,

and go to a club, 'cause moms aren't supposed to do that.

Let's have a good time, and they'll understand.

Yeah. They're gonna watch you grow,

which is better, 'cause they can watch you

become a better person, and then, you know, you're a role model.

I know.You too.

So [bleep] emotional.

Just crying about every [bleep] thing in the world.

It's like we are on a family vacation.

Have a good time. Relax.

Good?I'm good. I'm okay.

I wish I had makeup with me.

On that note, we need to get a roommate. Where's Mike?

[Pauly D] Nicole, you have good handwriting?

Yeah. I wanna make a sign that says "Mike" for the airport.

I wanna hold it. Yeah, I can do it.

All right, perfect. You want me to do "Situation" or "Mike"?

Write it big, though. [Jenni] Say, "Mike, cabs are here."

She put a heart on the "I."

How do you spell "Situation"?

[Jenni and Vinny] T-I-O-N.

I'm horrible at spelling. Perfect.

Situation. Thank you.

Situation! I'll be like this.

Ready to go? Yeah, let's do it.

All right, we're gonna go pick up Mike.

Tell Mike we are so excited,

we can't wait to see him.

So, Mike is coming back,

and it's only right that his two best boys pick him up

to complete the MVP.

Getting to rescue our boy. Yes, sir.

Feel I'm, like, breaking him out jail.I know.

Maybe that's a little too close to home, that saying for him, but...

Yep, like, hiding him out in Miami. Yeah, exactly.

MVP, "P" being the best, "P" being the best. Hmm.

Kind of kicked him out of MVP for a little while,

but he's welcome back now because he's...Nice.

He's so nice. Yep.

♪♪

[Nicole] This place is amazing. I cannot wait to drink.

b*tch, let's live. We're in Miami.

Yes, b*tches!

[Deena] I like this place.

Whoo!

I love my kids to death.

I would die for my kids, die for my husband.

Yes!

But at the same time, this is a vacation.

Yes!

I want us all to, like, have fun, rage.

And, like, make our presence here.

b*tch, we are here, and it's happening.

[Pauly D] I'm really looking forward to seeing Mike,

but I don't know how he's gonna be with all this court news.

That's the biggest burden anybody could ever have is jail time.

Just the fact that you don't know if you're gonna

go away or not, that's a lot to deal with.

♪ Look at how much you've done ♪

♪ Remember how far you've come ♪

I mean, out of everybody in this house,

I think Mike needs this vacation more than anybody.

Yeah, I think I see him. [Vinny] I see him.

What up, what up, what up?!

I didn't think I would see you guys here.

I didn't expect to see you here, man.

What's up, man? What's up, man?

[Mike] I did not know Pauly and Vinny

were meeting me at the airport.

I feel like Rocky right now. I feel victorious.

M... V... P!

MVP!

[laughter and chatter]

[Mike] I got an MVP reunion.

Let the fist pumping begin.

Let's call the girls, see what they're doing.

See where they're at. They'll be happy to see you.

[cell phone dialing] Yeah, no, man, [bleep].

I was real excited to see you guys.

See where these girls are at.

Hey! [Vinny] Who is this?

Hello?

Oh, not the Clevelander.

You're at the Clevelander?

Yeah, we're gonna meet you over there.

All right, well, we're gonna come meet you.

We're gonna come meet you.

[Vinny] Just picked up our sober roommate.

Gonna go to the Clevelander with a bunch of drunk moms.

This is not gonna be pretty.

Oh, my God.

I'm in two years recovery, sober and clean,

and I'm in a family vacation with a bunch of savages.

Your mama still live in a tent.

This is definitely a dad-chelor party for me.

I got a couple more months before this kid

comes flying out of there like a Wet 'n' Wild--

You know what I mean?

It's like, I gotta just enjoy myself and really let loose.

Ohh! [Nicole and Deena shouting]

Uh-oh. Here we go.

♪♪

Ugh! Ugh!

[Vinny] So, Michael, how was court?

[Mike and Vinnie chuckling]

Oh, man, um... What was that like?

What is it like? Um, it's a lot of pressure.

You know what I mean?

It made it easier to go through that

knowing that I had all you guys' support.

I mean, it's very weird, though, 'cause with you guys,

I feel like we did this yesterday.

Wait till you get back in the house.

Feels exactly-- It's like, holy [bleep].

I'm in the same outfit.

He is in the same outfit, you know,

and he looks the same.

I mean, I'm not gonna lie.

There are some new faces in the house.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, literally, like, new faces.

[Vinny] I don't think they're hiding it.

Nicole's face has the price tag hanging off of it.

Heh heh!Oh, that's [bleep].

[Nicole] Aah!

What is happening?!

[Jenni] Homeboy is loving these three girls right now.

I mean, I know I set this up,

but I am sure not telling his girl that.

I'm staying out of that [bleep].

[Nicole laughing]

[Deena] What is happening, though? I mean it!

Oh, my God. Where are they?

Oh, there he is.

There's many years I wasn't my best self.

I was irresponsible, careless, selfish,

but still to this day, my friends see the best in me.

And now, after all these years and what I've been through,

I'm finally here and I'm about to start my vacation

with my best friends.

Let's do this.

[Ronnie] Listen, listen!

[all cheering]

[Mike] I've waiting for this for a long time.

The Situation has arrived.

Yay!

Mike!

♪♪

♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh

♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh

[Mike] The family is whole again.

This is where I belong.

This is my squad, and listen, we've got a good situation.

[Deena] Mike!

I've been waiting, like, four or five months

to give Mike the ultimate hug that he deserves.

The old Mike, he [bleep] sucked,

but this Mike, he just is amazing.

He really is, like, born again.

And I mean not come out of the vag*na like a baby born again,

but I mean, like, he's a new soul.

Ohh... I love this Mike.

♪♪ Yes!

[Nicole] I definitely feel like Mike is in such a good place,

so we'll give him, like, Coke.

Not like a "coke" like a drug, like the juice.

[Nicole shouting]

♪♪

There's been so many obstacles for me to get here in Miami

with my best friends.

Now that I'm here, I'm seeing, you know,

women out there, that's tempting.

The liquor, that's tempting.

My friends are being savages.

The chances of survival of this...

it's very slim.

Oh, my God, I lost all my rings!

[Deena] Could it be in the [bleep] pool?

This wedding ring thing is setting her off.

Like, she is triggered.

[Nicole] I'm going home. [bleep] this [bleep].

Oh, God.

♪♪

Hey, what's up?

[Mike] Walking out of the Clevelander,

mission accomplished.

The Situation is still sober,

had a great time with his roommates.

Hey, only Mike can drive.

All right, I'm gonna get into the driver's seat.

The tables have turned,

and The Situation is now The Designation.

[Jenni] Bye!

[Ronnie] Wait, is Mike sober enough to drive?

Are you gonna stop at a stoplight

and leave the car running?

[laughs]

♪♪

[Jenni] Our house currently doesn't have power, though, so...

[Ronnie] Yeah, there's no power around.

[Jenni] Oh, my God, Ron!

[Pauly D] Smells like rotten eggs. Eww!

[Jenni] You farted.

[Jenni] Well, it smells like fart in here.

[Pauly D] This is us right here.

Holy [bleep], for real? This is the crib. Wow!

We got [bleep] power!

[Deena] Lights are on!

[Nicole] My God, we can take a shower!

We can wipe our a*s[bleep]. I see.

[Jenni] Welcome to your new home, dear.

This awesome.

Oh, my God, we actually got a mansion for our vacation.

Ronnie, where are you going?

I'm going to our room... to take a fat [bleep].

Holy [bleep].

[burps]

[Deena] Look at our backyard!

Can you [bleep] believe it?

This is awesome. And we got a hot tub.

And a hot tub, and we got the grill.

[Ronnie] Oh, [bleep]. Oops.

So, this is your room.

Cool. And you have your own bathroom as well.

[Jenni] Oh, my God, it smells like [bleep] in here.

Nice. Ron?

[Ron] Yeah, can I [bleep] in peace or what?

[Deena] Oh, my God!

Holy [bleep]! [bleep] stinks.

[laughing] That's so [bleep] nasty.

You don't shut the door?!

[Deena] Is he pooping?

[Mike]He is.

Oh, my God, eww.

Living with Ron I feel like we're living with, like,

a -pound toddler.

You're in the dark, you weirdo!

Like, I changed Giovanna's diapers, Lorenzo's diapers,

and I can handle [bleep] pretty good.

Like, I love [bleep].

But Ron's just like-- that's alien [bleep].

Like, that's not from this Earth.

Like the [bleep] gremlin. Weirdo.

[Ronnie] Oh, [bleep]. Are you kidding me?

You gotta walk down the hallway.

It's a whole hallway.

I'm gonna go check it out.

Sammi's in there.

[Mike] Whoa!

[Pauly and Vinny laughing]

What the-- yo, yo?!

Oh, this is our girl Sammi.

Yo, my girl's gonna get pissed at me, man.

This is our girl Sammi.

I'm the sweetest doll you'll ever meet.

[toilet bubbling]

It's just not gonna [bleep] work, like...

[Sammi's voice] I can never go out without my hair extensions.

No [bleep] way! Oh, yeah.

Yo, this is so crazy.

Plunger's not working it out.

Gotta snake this.

What, do I call Roto-Rooter?

Hello?

Who's that? Are you alive?

[bleep] toilet's clogged.

It's a coincidence 'cause you just [bleep].

[snorting and laughing]

[bleep] all over my shoes.

Eww! Sick.

♪♪

I'm happy me and you are rooming together, brother.

I just hope you don't snore, though.

Oh, bro, I don't smoke and drink.

There's no way I'm gonna snore.

Just don't be waking up at : a.m.

doing fasted cardio in the room.

Like, go outside, please.

So, I'm rooming with Mike,

and we have a past.

Take your [bleep] the [bleep] out, bro.

Ron! Hey, Ron, now don't get involved in--

Stop, Ron!

But, like, we're gonna see where it goes,

and honestly, like, I hope it goes in the right place.

I don't wanna have to put his bed on the balcony.

[Mike] The bathroom's a mess already.

What'd you do with all your stuff?

Did you bring it in there?

No, it's all in these drawers.

All right, all right, all right.

As soon as I walked into that room

where I was gonna stay with Ronnie,

I knew right away that it was a mess.

Did you clog the toilet, too?

[Ronnie] Yeah.

[Mike] He's a mess, his life is a mess,

and something's gotta change.

[chuckling] Oh, God.

Yo!

Showing me no sympathy right now.

Mess already.

♪♪

[Deena] You still smoke?

[Mike] No, I don't.

So you don't do anything.

It wasn't like that right away.

At first, it just started out just drugs and alcohol

for the last two years,

and then I wanted to continue to better myself.

So then I don't drink, I don't drug, I don't smoke,

I don't lie, I don't cheat, I don't steal.

[Nicole] You're so cute.

I love him. Yeah, I love you, Mike.

[Mike] So, um...

I said you're Jesus. She called you Jesus.

She called me Jesus? I'm like, calm down.

No, calm down. Listen, it makes me be able

to go through some of the things I have,

that I have Lauren by my side.

She's a hot [bleep] b*tch.

[Mike] You know what I mean?

After those t*tties? I know!

All right, before I get all teary-eyed,

I'm gonna give you guys a kiss.

I'm gonna get dressed. Mmm! Love you guys.

[Nicole and Deena] We love you.

Mwah!

[Nicole] He's just such a different Mike.

He's so positive and just like a good person.

He's, like, awesome. He's amazing.

Why can't we be like that?

I wanna be like Mike,

but that's never gonna happen.

[chuckling] I love my alcohol too much.

I'm a very nice person.

I'm not. I'm, like, the worst.

Why-- Why am I such a wh*re?

You're-- You're not a wh*re.

No, like, a mean wh*re. I hate everyone.

I know. [chuckles]

Cheers to that. At least I admit it.

So, Mike, I didn't like you. You were not a good person.

[Pauly D] Holy [bleep]. Here we go again.

Drama, man. And this is gonna be bad.

[Nicole] Don't even go there.

So... [Nicole]Relax.

♪♪

[Jenni] What are you wearing tonight?

I'd rather just go to sleep.

[Jenni] We are currently dying right now

trying to get ready for Mike's celebratory dinner

at the Delano restaurant.

Like, really high-end.

But no exceptions.

We're going, we're rallying.

I want to make sure it's perfect for Mike.

I want to hear all about Mike's situation... literally.

Your nipple's out! Your actual whole areola's out!

Which one?

[Jenni laughing]

I'm new to these boobs, okay?

I'm new to these [bleep] boobs. I don't know how they work.

[snorts and laughs]

How do these [bleep] new t*ts operate?!

Should we name her?

Why are they always out? Should she be named?

'Cause she's like my new friend.

[laughing] I see her more than you.

This one, right?

It's always out, the [bleep] wh*re.

Like, she wants to, like, see the day.

[giggling] I hate them.

I'm returning these boobs. I don't want them. I can't--

[Jenni] You have a -day warranty on these.

Excuse me.

They have a mind of their own.

It's just weird. So I'm still getting used to them,

and I just need to learn from JWoww.

My whole tit was just out again.

Just gotta wait for tee-shirt time.

Damn right it's [bleep] tee-shirt time.

♪♪

[Nicole] Oh, you're getting dressed like that, b*tch?

Now I gotta wear a ball gown! You look stunning.

♪♪

Fist bump, push-up, ChapStick.

Fist bump, push-up, ChapStick!

I got my second wind. Let's go.

♪ Here comes the bride, all dressed in white ♪

Shut up! Let me freaking live!

[Nicole] Deena's shaving!

Who cares? You all know I shave.

Thank the Lord!

[Mike] My God, that [bleep] doll keeps flipping me out.

[Deena] We're not bringing her to the restaurant. She looks a mess.

[belches] Excuse me. Oh, my God, I'm gross.

[all cheering]

[Pauly D] Yeah... buddy!

We got our boy back!

It feels great. We got the entire g*ng back.

I'm starting to realize like how special it actually is

that we all made it here and we have Mike here.

[Pauly D] Wow, we get the four boys back. Burgers for the boys.

[Mike] This is overdue.

[Pauly D] Yeah, this is overdue.

Ronnie's paying the bill and everything-- he already said it.

[all] Ooh...

Pauly gave me his card.

Oh, damn.

Oww!

Oww!

[laughing] Ow.

[Deena and Nicole] Oww!

[Jenni] Guys, we're at a fancy place. Calm down.

The Delano. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. So nice. We don't deserve to be here.

[laughing] You're hurting me.

[Nicole shrieking]

Ooh, get off my dress.

[Deena] Oh, my God. Settle, settle.

[Deena coughing]

[laughing] Ew! That sounded disgusting.

[belches] Ohh! It's bad.

[Jenni] They need to go to McDonald's.

[laughter]

You can't take the Jersey out the girls.

I couldn't ask for better [bleep] friends than you guys.

Aww, we couldn't ask for a better Mike right now.

[Deena] Cheers to Mike.

[Vinny] Wait, hold on, hold on. Give a real...

Ooh.

So we didn't know if Mike was gonna be able to come down here.

He made it.

You're an inspiration to all of us

because of what you're going through

and the way you're handling it.

You're here with us right now

during this hardest time of your life.

So cheers to you for coming here. Wow.

Yes. Cheers, Mike. [Vinny] And enjoy it!

Love you, Mike.

Love you guys.

That's good sparkling water.

That is good sparkling water, it was.

Mike, like, you were like my best friend.

And then we like totally fell off, and we were fighting.

Yep.

I didn't get-- [bleep] you.

[bleep] you, Mike. I didn't!

Mike, I'm not kidding!

We hated each other.

I couldn't even stand to look at you.

And then all of a sudden, like, you were Mike again.

So I'm grateful at the fact that we still have this relationship.

Thank you. 'Cause I love you so much.

I love you, too.

You know, we're talking about ups and downs,

and there was a point

where I actually punched you in your face.

Gonna punch me in the face?

[all] Ohh!

Face-- face-- face. See what I'm sayin'?

Back fist. And I apologize.

[Ronnie] That was awesome.

But at the end of the day, I could not be more proud

to call Michael Sorrentino my friend.

It's an honor to call you my friend now, so...

Aww... love you, too.

I love you.

So, Mike...

The problem with me and Mike was I always gave him

the benefit of the doubt.

And that's what always [bleep] me.

[Ronnie] You're in a great place,

and I respect where you've gotten to.

But... we have had more downs than ups, that's for sure.

[Pauly D] Holy [bleep], here we go again.

Drama, man. This is gonna be bad.

Since day one, we've gone at it.

We've had issues with each other.

Fighting, yelling, screaming.

[Mike] Do it!

[Sammi] Stop!

Ron, please. Stop.

I didn't like you.

You know, you were not a good person.

[Deena] Oh, my God, I hate him.

Buzzkill, relax over there. Oh, my God.

You're not the person that I met

when you first walked into the house.

You became something that I didn't want to be around,

I didn't want to associate myself with.

Wait a second. Are you holding grudges from ?

Come on, son. Get past that [bleep].

[Deena] That wasn't nice. What the hell?

That's rude. That wasn't nice.

So rude. Don't even go there.

So...

[Deena] Relax.

But, after seeing you the last couple months

and talking to you,

I respect where you've gotten to

and the strength that you have.

Yeah. Very inspirational, bro.

Thank you, brother. Yes.

[Deena] Very nice.

"The Situation" tried to bang my ex-girlfriend

and ratted me out nine different times.

So that's why, like, even now,

I keep him at a distance,

and we're gonna see where it goes.

I really didn't think it was that bad between me and you.

[laughing] I really didn't.

[all laughing]

[Pauly D] If I was to make a prediction

of how this is going to go,

I'm going to predict that we're gonna be fighting.

We're gonna have to hear Jenni b*tch about it,

we're gonna have to hear Snooki,

and then Ronnie may cry-- I don't know.

I thought that we always had these nice, deep conversations.

I really did.

I also predict that Deena's gonna cry.

[laughing] She always cries.

Oh, yeah, positivity! Yeah!

Time to eat.

[Deena] Yeah, let's eat.

Uhh! Stop!

It's time to drown this b*tch. I'm over her.

[both] Uhh!

[men] Ohh...

[Pauly D] Sammi!

[Mike] Looks like a dead person.

[Deena] Oh, my God!

♪♪

[Pauly D] Hey, Sam.

[Vinny] Sam, you missed a good dinner.

[Jenni] Why are you rubbing her?

[Mike] I'm glad you guys worked things out.

Oh, my God. [chuckling]

[Nicole] Let's get in PJs.

Yeah.

And then we're going to have a wine.

Yes!

[Nicole] I feel like me and Deena have grown up a lot

since the last time we lived together in the shore house.

Like, we don't even chug Baca anymore.

Now we chug wine and prosecco.

We're more like a classier meatball.

Cabernet. Amazing.

Oh, that's a lot of wine.

[chuckling] Whoo!

Oh. That's, like, a lot.

That is. Well, we don't have to drink it all.

No. Should we go by the pool?

[Deena] Oh, my God, I want to sit on the couch and, like, talk.

This is like my favorite thing.

I'm like a wine "conndoisseur" now.

I'm domesticated Deena, b*tches.

[belches] Excuse me.

[Mike] Yo, Ronnie was just violating

the Sammi doll just now.

[Vinny] Again? Yo!

Should we drown her? Let's do it.

Y'all is crazy. Let's drown the b*tch!

Let's [bleep] drown this [bleep] doll.

[Deena] Me and Nicole hate the Sammi doll.

It just sits there,

doesn't clean the house, doesn't do anything.

So why do we need this frickin' doll here?

So we're like, "Let's get rid of it."

Wait.

[Sammi's voice] Ron! Stop it!

[groans] We got this.

She's a heavy mother[bleep]. Stop it! Stop!

Do you wanna go for her legs, and I'll--

Uhh! [retching noises]

I never once did anything like that to you.

Threw up in my mouth. Uhh!

[Deena] Apparently Sammi needs to lay off the carbs,

because this b*tch is heavy as [bleep].

We're gonna throw her right in the pool, come on.

They can't put her in the water, Sammi can't swim.

It's so heavy! Stop!

I hate this doll. You [bleep] wh*re.

Girl! Relax, it's dead! It's dead! She's dead!

Damn, everybody fights with Sam now.

Not just Ronnie that fights Sam.

Come on. Get this [bleep] thing out of here. Uhh!

Stop!

It's time to drown this b*tch. I'm over her.

[both] Uhh!

[men] Ohh!

[Pauly D] Sammi!

[electronic croak] [Deena] Oh, my God!

You [bleep]! She's not even dying.

[Pauly D] Oh, she's a floater.

Oh, my God, it's like, why is this b*tch still alive?

This b*tch is still here.

Oh, my God, it looks like a dead [bleep] person.

You better be careful, like, these windows

and [bleep], someone's gonna call the cops.

[Pauly D] Man, you guys gotta dump that body.

You're gonna get caught. What do we do?

Put some concrete boots on her.

[Ronnie] Yeah, tie her-- some bricks to her.

[Deena] If a helicopter went by, they would definitely think

there's a dead body in the pool.

Me and Nicole would be the worst people at hiding a m*rder.

[Sammi's voice] Stop!

[Nicole] She's making a noise.

Why is she still alive? My God.

Wow...Wow...

What is happening?! [Pauly D] The voice box.

[Deena] It's the voice box, it's getting crazy.

She's saying something! [gurgling]

Saying don't k*ll me.

[Pauly and Vinny laughing]

This doll's clearly tougher than Sammi.

The frickin' thing won't [bleep] die.

[gurgling]

[bleep]. I hate her. Bye.

[Mike] Yo, she is never gonna talk to any of us, ever again.

[Pauly D] Nah, we're done. Not a chance.

Maybe we should write her a note.

[all laughing] Oh, my God.

Vinnie, jump in the pool. Yeah, right.

Wait, wait, no, get away from me.

[Ronnie] You're so...

Ow! Uhh, [bleep].

Oh, my God, I lost all my rings!

Good.

What happened?! Must have... whoa...

What happened?

I'm not kidding, where's my rings?

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait.

What kind of rings? The diamond one?

Yes, I'm missing the [bleep] diamond.

[Deena] Oh, my God.

Wait, the little-- the rock one?

[chuckling] Yeah...

Yes! Like the real important thing. [bleep].

All right. Could it be in the [bleep] pool?

Oh, God.

Right after Snooks threw Sammi into the pool,

she loses her ring.

I'm like, "Oh, my God, karma is not just a club."

I guess we have to just retrace steps then.

I'm gonna k*ll myself.

[Ronnie] It's all right. It's here, Nicole. Relax.

Oh, my God. No, I know, I know. I know.

Don't freak out. We're gonna find it.

We're scrambling through the grass,

the furniture's being flipped.

We have flashlights out.

It was almost like we were looking for El Chapo.

[whimpering] For him, for him.

Ring's [bleep] huge. Where the [bleep] is it?

Oh, my God. I'm gonna k*ll myself.

[bleep] Where's my ring? Oh, my God.

Where the [bleep] is it?

We have to find it, Ron. She's gonna lose it.

♪♪

[Nicole] I'm dying. I'm literally dying inside.

Where the [bleep] is my wedding ring?

We are looking everywhere for this ring.

I mean, we're combing the entire backyard for two hours.

Where the [bleep] could this [bleep] ring be?

[Nicole, sobbing] The [bleep]?

Babe, it's not over here. It's somewhere else.

[sobbing continues]

I've never seen her so upset.

She's already missing her kids, she's missing her family.

She-- we have to find this ring.

Oh, my God. [crying]

[Deena] I have no idea where her ring is.

I checked so many places.

I lost my ring. Oh, my God. [sobs]

I'm so sorry, Nicole.

[sobbing]

[Nicole] I'm going home.

[bleep] lost my [bleep] wedding ring.

I'm leaving. I'm going home.

[Mike] We're still looking. Don't give up hope.

I wanna go home. [bleep] this [bleep].

[Deena] We're gonna find it, Nicole.

This wedding ring thing is setting her off.

Like, she is triggered, and she wants to go home.

We need to find this ring

because Nicole can't leave this house.

[line ringing] [sobbing] I can't believe I lost my wedding ring.

[Deena] She's calling her mom.

We have to find this [bleep].

[Andy] Hello? Hey, Dad.

Hey, honey. [bleep] lost my wedding ring.

What? I lost my wedding ring.

If it's here, we're finding it.

No, we're finding it, dude.

I wanna come home!

[wailing]

Oh, my God, how'd this happen?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Ron, what the [bleep] comes out of you?

This was [bleep] vile.

[Deena retching]

[Nicole] I'm [bleep]-- I'm upset here!

You're the best friend ever, thank you!

[Ronnie] We have so much history

that we know how to push each other's buttons.

Being an adult!

You're ruining my [bleep] marriage!

Being an adult! Jesus, you're the worst!