08x01 - Back to School

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- We're all going to Jamaica!

- Hold your horses!

- sh*t. - Oh, my God!

- It's been a bit chaotic.

- Come here, man.

- More so than normal.

- Holy sh*t, it's been years.

I'm going to Jersey Shore, b*tch!

- Maybe we should get a shore house next summer.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- I'm in Miami, b*tch!

- Where's the beach? - We're in Italy.

- Ciao.

- Yeah, buddy.

- Pregnant meatballs!

- This is not a joke.

This is my family.

- Love you guys. - Love you all.

- Our lives will never be the same again.

- I love "Jersey Shore Family Vacation"

this time of year.

- Getting the crew back together.

- We're back, b*tches!

Party's here!

- You keep saying "him."

I'm me.

- He's facing, like, years in jail.

- The Situation is sentenced to eight months in prison.

- Hi. - Who is that?

- This is the Keys, right?

- Welcome to "The Meatball Show!"

- Yay! - I'm not f*cking done!

- [screaming]

- That's how you get big ones.

- My dad.

- Hey, guys. - Sammi's back!

Ronnie's here.

- How are ya?

- Justin has an announcement.

[all gasping] - [screams]

- Sorrentinos are parents of three.

- Congratulations!

- It's time for me to like, figure out where I come from.

Because like, I know I'm adopted.

This could change my life forever.

- Nobody knows I've been going through, like, IVF.

- Trying to get pregnant? - But I'm not.

- Vinny's single!

- I'm looking for a wife.

- You're gonna find her here.

- You just called me a beast! What?

- You don't love her. - No f*ck--

- All right! Ready to party?

- Let's go!

- You taught the world what GTL was.

So tonight we celebrate you.

- I prepared a little speech.

- Oh, no, he got a speech.

[laughter, applause]

- Boo this man!

[upbeat music]

- Yeah, buddy!

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- I'm still the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

♪ ♪

- ♪ I just want to take you ♪

♪ Higher than before ♪

- Are you excited for the first day of school?

- Yeah. - Go, buddy!

First day of school.

- Ariana, you're almost ready?

Hi. Big day today.

- Are you guys excited for your first day?

- OK.

- Honey, I filled Romeo thermos with sparkling waters.

He's Italian.

He's got to do it.

- What are you doing?

- But you're ten.

Thank God for school starting, because it was a rough summer.

- Did you see the outfits you used

to wear when you were younger? - Rough.

- OK, peeing behind bars paid for your college.

I gotta pee.

- Oh, God.

- I watered it down.

It doesn't smell anymore.

[cash register chimes]

You crossed a line.

- We have three lunch boxes.

We got some cavatelli broccolis,

thinly pounded cutlets,

the finest of broccoli rabe, mortadellas.

- That's a lot of food.

- Listen, the more snacks you have,

the more friends you have. That's how life works.

I don't make the rules.

- Renzo, make sure you're getting up.

- Get out!

[knocking]

- Hi, Ma. Come in.

I'm picking out something to wear.

I have a comedy show in Connecticut in two weeks.

- Wanna wear this one?

- Yeah, but I don't want to wear a graphic.

I want to wear a plain, 'cause I want people

to really focus on my comedy.

There's people coming.

- I brought something.

- Why's it look like a suit jacket?

- Well, you'll make a nice impression.

- I'm excited, nervous.

You know, it feels like the first day of school.

[chuckles]

- Even with the T-shirt, it looks nice.

- All right, what do you want to do with your hair?

Ponytail? - OK.

- It was a busy summer with Ariana.

She's in cheerleading now.

What are you going to learn, you think?

- How to subtract.

- Subtract?

Watching your little girl grow up,

it's a feeling of being proud.

Because I'm raising her, everything that she does

is a reflection of what I do or what she sees from me,

except for the split.

I could never do that.

I'd rip my nutsack. [laughs]

- Who's ready to get into your first-day-of-school outfits?

- Me!

- I'm gonna miss them.

- Oh, my God, this man is so handsome.

Give Daddy a kiss.

It's very emotional, watching your children

grow from stage to stage.

It's very special because you only have this time once.

- They're all gonna call me a Chooch if I wear this.

- This is as good as it's gonna get.

All right, baby, let's take some pictures.

- First-day-of-school photos.

- You've got dust all over it, bro.

- OK, stop it.

No fighting. - Want another cookie?

- Mike. - Smile.

- Smile.

- Let me see how beautiful your teeth are.

OK. - Cheese.

OK, good job, guys.

- Love it.

- OK, bye. - Dude.

- Hey, I'll take the boards.

Let me have 'em.

- That looks beautiful on you. Look at you.

- No, I don't think so.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Come on, yeah, here we go ♪

♪ We let the good times roll ♪

- This is the Christmas for Italians, honey--

the Feast of San Gennaro.

- Are you packing a lunchbox?

- Um, this is probably going to be more for my leftovers

that I'm gonna be bringing back.

- Smart. - Yep.

In the Italian-American culture,

Saint San Gennaro offers protection.

The festival in New York City is the feast of all feasts.

You got the parade.

You got the people.

You got the food and the music.

For Italians, it's bigger than the Super Bowl,

to be honest with you.

- San Gennaro feast?

I'm down!

The meatballs, the pizza, the cannolis.

- You just got me hungry.

- RSVP in the building.

- Let's do it up.

It's gonna be a movie. - Send me some pictures.

- All right, love you.

Good food.

The vibes are gonna be amazing.

Let's go.

- ♪ Don't play around ♪

♪ No, I go full throttle ♪

♪ I'm a genie in a big glass bottle ♪

♪ Make a wish, I'll break your model ♪

♪ Gonna spin you round, make you go horizontal ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm a big deal ♪

♪ When I walk in the room ♪

- Hello?

- ♪ You know that I'm here ♪

- You look so pretty. - Thank you.

- Obviously, I'm super busy with the freaking kids--

cheerleading, baseball, wrestling, running around,

being a carpool mom.

I think it's time to have the best friggin' girls time.

- Meilani called me YK.

[music stops]

What the f*ck about this?

- Maybe the sweater, 'cause we did wear--

- I'm sorry.

Why are you agreeing with her?

- 'Cause no kids wear the off-the-shoulder

sweaters anymore.

- That's what she said.

- Especially with the tie on the bottom.

- OK.

I really put a lot of effort into not

looking like Adam Sandler, and I got hit with the YK.

- I wouldn't be offended.

YK is amazing.

- Hello? - Hey, girl.

- Hello.

I definitely need a girls' night.

I've been so, like, sad about both my boys going to school.

It was CJ's first kindergarten day

and Cameron's first preschool day.

With the kids back in school, it gave me like--

- She got time now.

- Not being with them when they go to school,

it's just kind of taking a toll on me.

- I do three miles a day walking.

- I power walk too.

But instead of focusing everything on the kids,

I'll just focus on myself a little bit.

And then I joined the PTA.

- Oh, God.

- [gags]

- And I just got selected lead class mom.

- Oh, that's terrible.

- I get to do all the parties.

- You have to raise the funds?

Like, you have to tell everyone, like, $ each,

and wait for their Venmo request?

- f*ck that.

This is Deena. She loves being organized.

- Ooh!

[balloon pops] Ah!

- She loves taking control--

- Today we're doing the f*cking scavenger hunt.

- --throwing parties and stuff.

- Somebody straight up got m*rder*d.

- Oh, my God!

- Welcome to m*rder mystery dinner!

- What the f*ck? - You'll thrive.

- Enjoy it.

- Now she'll be too busy with the PTA

to put us in awkward f*cking shirts.

- These stupid shirts.

- I do have T-shirts here.

- Oh!

- Deena, man.

- I missed you ladies.

- Missed you.

- Yeah, so Sam should be here any minute.

- Do you think she's still going through IVF?

- I don't know.

I remember she said she stopped.

- And she just wanted to take a break, right?

- Yeah, she wanted to take a break.

- ♪ I'm that girl, trend setter ♪

♪ I'm that girl that gets it ♪

♪ I'm that girl, you know me ♪

♪ I'm that girl - Come in.

How are you? - Hi.

- Missed you.

- Between me and Justin trying to get pregnant

and plan for a wedding, things have been a little crazy.

- Oh, how are you? - Good.

So I'm excited to catch up with the girls.

- What's been going on with you?

- I've just been like, so busy with like, life.

- You're doing your-- your shots?

- There's different stages to the process.

It's just, like, a lot.

I'm gonna try and like, get into it, but--

- Yeah.

- What else is new with you?

- Is Angelina not coming? - No.

I mean, I haven't really talked to her.

- Really? - Not really, no.

- ♪ Let's not waste all this time ♪

♪ All this time ♪

♪ All this time ♪

♪ This pain is yours ♪

♪ Yours and mine ♪

♪ Yours and mine ♪

- ♪ What's it gonna take ♪

♪ ...bring you down ♪

♪ What's it gonna take ♪

I've been singing for a long time.

♪ What's it gonna take ♪

- ♪ What's it gonna take ♪

- ♪ What's it gonna take ♪

- ♪ What's it gonna ♪

- ♪ What's it gonna ♪

- No. - What?

- You know what?

Let's go-- let's go past line one.

- That was bad?

Tony and I have been writing two songs together.

The songs have really helped me get through the emotions

of my personal life.

♪ There's too much here at stake for you ♪

They're coming out really amazing.

- ♪ For you Hit it.

- ♪ For you ♪

- ♪ For you ♪

- ♪ For you ♪

I've been practicing.

♪ For you - That's not the note it is.

Listen.

- But we still have a little bit more work to do.

How bad was it. Honestly?

- Let's go inside and train. - Ugh.

The studio is like, my little happy place.

It's like a spiritual...

cleanse.

♪ What's gonna take ♪

♪ To bring you down ♪

- Oh, sh*t. - k*lled it here.

- Is it auto-tuned?

[music slows, stops]

- Minor, just for corrective purposes.

- So I still need a little bit more, obviously, training.

- For singing? - Yes.

- Of course.

- I am more of a rapper.

♪ You think you're a wh*re Whoo!

♪ But you're actually a bore ♪

But I have to say,

I'm like, f*cking Celine Dion up in that b*tch.

♪ I would never break you ♪

♪ There's too much here at stake for you ♪

♪ I know it's loud ♪

♪ So let's just sit here in the sound ♪

- I want you to start with a song capturing

what you're going through.

- When we were writing it, every time I'd walk out

of here, I'd be like, whew.

Like, I'd feel like, good calm. Right?

Remember? - Yeah. This is therapeutic.

Like the podcast, you talk about your emotions.

- %, yup.

- Here, you're singing your emotions.

- Like, so much chaos is going on in my life.

And in Miami, the roommates, they were rallying behind me.

- Who the hell are you to put me on the spot like this?

- You look scared. - You don't love her.

- Oh, sh*t.

- You guys deserve better.

- We know you're going through it right now, but you'll be OK.

- Leaving Miami, I thought things were gonna be different

and things did not change.

And everything was f*cking getting bad.

I'm embarrassed as hell.

I've been talking to myself like, you're a f*cking idiot.

I feel like, because I didn't take their advice,

they're, I'm done with her.

I don't want to see her anymore.

And that's what I feel like triggered me.

And that's why I said what I said.

Now I literally projectile vomit

when I have to be around them.

You don't even know half the sh*t that's going on

behind the scenes, guys.

I'm writing a book.

I'm not a malicious person, right?

- When you're cornered, you attack back like, five-fold.

- Like a cat, yeah.

- I think a lot of it also was fear.

And then you're just like, afraid to see them again.

- I'm a very emotional and passionate person.

- Uh-huh. - And when I feel like

somebody's f*cking me over, it's fight or flight for me.

- ♪ They can't do too much ♪

- Let's see how it goes.

- And what else is new with you?

- Are you still talking to Pamela?

- Any updates?

- I found your birth mother, Nicole.

- [gasps] - [screams]

- She is living.

- Oh, my God. - Are you OK?

- Yeah, it's just a lot to think about.

I guess I had to figure out, like, what I wanted to do.

And, you know, all summer I was like, should I reach out?

Should I not reach out?

I just needed, like, time, so I think I'm willing

to reach back out to Pamela to find out information

about the birth mom. - Aw.

- Oh, my God. - Yeah.

It's happening.

This is like, a huge friggin' step.

But like, I just have so many unanswered questions.

- This is great for you.

I feel like, for years, you were always so curious.

- You're learning about a part of your life

that was like, so like, not there for a while.

And that's kind of cool.

- Yeah, I guess we'll see.

- Cheers to you.

- Whoo!

- ♪ My way, my way ♪

- Who wants to date the Chooch?

- What better place to find Vinny a girlfriend

like his mom than at an Italian feast?

- I want to start a family.

- I'll make a kid tonight. - Oh!

- I'll do anything to have a kid at this point.

The thing is, I can't waste time anymore.

Like, I have to do the surgery.

- Nervous? - Yes.

- This is your birth mother, Nicole.

- [gasps] - Oh, my God.

I'm gonna cry.

- ♪ We gon' run this town ♪

♪ We gon' keep it loud ♪

- Chooch!

Where you at? - Hey!

- Hey. - Hey, my boys.

- Hey. - You guys ready for this?

- Yeah. - Are you ready for this?

- I've been dieting all week for this.

- Here he is!

- Oh, there he is. - What's up, bro?

- God, I've missed you!

- You look like San Gennaro.

[laughter]

- What you think of my outfit?

- In case no one recognizes you, you'll tell them.

[laughter]

- He's under the radar.

- All right, boys, let's ride out.

- San Gennaro.

- It's gonna be a mob scene there.

- This is gonna be dope.

I remember my first time coming here from Rhode Island.

It took like, three hours to come down,

and I was just like, wow.

San Gennaro is the mother lordship of all Italians.

It is a huge charcuterie board that goes on for six blocks.

- Right in my backyard, so I get to do this with you guys.

That's f*cking awesome.

- I can't believe that we haven't gone

to the San Gennaro feast all together yet.

That's sacrilegious right there.

All my cugines are gonna be out there.

- Uh-huh.

- It's funny, 'cause growing up,

like, everybody was my cousin,

and I never really understood how.

And come to find out, like, they weren't really my cousins.

- Yes, that's true, Your father'd be like,

this is your cousin.

You found out like, this is just some-- your neighbor.

- That's just how it is when you're Italian.

- Yeah, that's how it is.

- I couldn't picture my life without you guys,

though, honestly.

I don't go a day without speaking to you guys.

I can go without speaking to Vinny, but not you guys.

[laughter]

- ♪ I'm going fast ♪

♪ God knows I'm blessed ♪

♪ My look's finesse ♪

♪ I know it's best for me ♪

- I haven't seen you since Miami.

- Wedding planning or not yet?

- Not yet.

I haven't been doing wedding stuff.

I've just been doing, like, that IVF crap.

- You're back on it?

Because I thought you were gonna take a break.

- I did a little bit.

[somber music]

I did a transfer before we went to Miami, was pregnant,

and then it was a chemical pregnancy,

so it was like, it failed.

♪ ♪

Like, I'm sweating. [laughs]

I can't talk about this stuff.

I get like, hot. - No, it's OK.

- It's OK.

- It's emotional.

- And then I did another embryo transfer in June

and that just didn't even work.

Then I had another egg retrieval in July.

So I've been literally, like, on medications

the whole summer.

But also, I only have like, / ovaries

because I had little dermoid cysts or tumors.

So only one ovary is really producing eggs.

My doctor is like, listen, you have half an ovary.

That might cause a bad environment.

I would recommend just getting rid of it.

I'm like, you know what?

I'll do anything to have a kid at this point.

So now I have to get surgery--

- Oh, Sammi. - To remove that ovary?

- Yeah, to remove the ovary.

I've tried everything,

and it's just not working.

- To know Sam, that would make a beautiful mom,

having to go through all these hurdles-- it's heartbreaking.

- If there's anything you need when you do do surgery,

just let us know.

- I'm just gonna--

- I'll come over and feed you grapes.

- Oh, I would love that.

Just kidding.

- There you go.

[Italian music]

[upbeat electronic music]

- We're here. - Wow.

Look at this, bro. - Yo.

- It's popping.

- Everybody out.

- I can smell the sausage and peppers already.

- Wait, I gotta get my cooler.

- You brought a cooler?

[laughter]

- Mike, all the food is this way.

[indistinct chatter]

- It is just a madhouse.

- Hey! Hey!

- Shoulder-to-shoulder people.

You could feel the heat from all the food being cooked.

- Wow, that looks amazing.

- Smells so good.

- This is the best day of my life.

- It's like sensory overload, you know?

You're in the historic New York City streets,

Italian food everywhere, vendors screaming for you

to get their food, music playing.

It's a giant party that goes on for blocks and blocks.

- Oh!

Oh.

- Ooh. Wow.

Give me two of those.

I mean, we are in heaven right now.

Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t.

Y'all, I'm gonna have to start loading this cooler up.

Let me get one of these. Let me get one of these.

There's sausage and peppers to our left,

strombolis on the right--

- Boys, we got the pizza!

- Pizza in front of us.

- Oh!

- Cannolis, Mike. - Oh, my God.

- Wow. Cheers, man. - Cheers.

Cannolis.

Look at that calamari right there, some rice ba*ls.

Thank you, guys. Thank you.

Oh, grab a bag of zeppoles.

I need 'em for my cooler.

- Zeppoles over here!

- Mike is in paradise right now.

- Throw the rainbow cookies in!

- This is the one place where you will

not get fat shamed by anybody.

I mean, the point of going to the feast is

to try as much food as you possibly can,

which is what Mike does anyway. [laughs]

- We need some sausage and peppers.

- We need a sausage and peppers for the Chooch!

- Mine has a curve to it.

- Who wants Vinny's sausage?

[cheering]

- Too many guys said "hi" there.

[laughter]

- Look at that. Look at that. Look at that.

- Is that the statue?

- We gotta go take a picture by my guy over there, San Gennaro.

- We want to put some money.

[indistinct chatter]

- Where's the luckiest spot to put it?

- My wish has already come true.

I have a cooler full of leftovers.

Can I get some of those pistachio ones?

♪ ♪

- I love the feast this time of year!

- Usually, us guidos, we stick out

like sore thumbs when we go elsewhere.

But here at the San Gennaro feast--

- There's a lot of honeys out here.

- --we are one with the people.

Yeah!

- Happy feast, everyone!

Does anybody know where I can get some Italian food?

What's up? What's up?

What's up? - How are you?

- Good. How are you?

[excited chatter]

- This isn't awkward. [laughter]

Hold on a second, guys.

Pauly's right there.

- Hey, what's up, man?

I like your shirt. [laughter]

- Wait.

If you're here and you're here,

who's the real Pauly D?

- I don't know. Can't tell.

- Will the real Pauly D please stand up?

- Mike, I haven't seen you for a while.

Nice haircut. - Oh, you like it, right?

- I like it. It's nice.

- Oh, hell yeah.

- We gonna talk about that or not?

[laughter]

- There's definitely something up with Mike's hair.

His hairline has grown a few inches.

- Mike got a new haircut.

- He just bought it.

[laughter]

- This summer, Mike might have stopped in Turkey,

the hair transplant capital of the world.

- I think it's starting to grow on me.

- You got the skin fade now.

- Listen, they just jelly of my growth.

OK?

My hair growth.

- ♪ Ch-ch-ch-chia ♪

[laughter]

- Vinny!

- There's some beautiful women in New York.

- Yeah.

- I seen some-- some nice prospects out there.

- Yeah.

Is there any hope for-- - For this guy?

- For this guy right here.

- I don't know.

- I think we're gonna have to step in.

Vinny is always saying, I want somebody like my mama.

Well, guess what?

At the San Gennaro, not only is there great food,

but there's beautiful Italian girls.

It got me thinking,

maybe we could find the Chooch a missus out there.

- [gasps]

That's actually an amazing idea.

- Why don't we find this man a bachelorette?

- I just feel like we all need help sometimes.

- Oh, God.

- So, that being said, it's time to date the Chooch!

[cheering]

- Who wants Vinny's sausage?

[cheering]

- Who wants to date the Chooch?

[cheering]

- Isn't he handsome? - [laughs]

- ♪ I think I wanna love ya ♪

- Excuse me. My friend Vinny is single!

We're about to play a little game

I like to call Date the Chooch.

[cheering]

- So just anybody can come off the street and date me?

- We're gonna poll them first. - OK.

- And then you're gonna speed date 'em right there.

Hey, Junior!

We want to dress that table up nice.

Maybe we could put like, one of them candles.

- Make it romantic.

- Yeah, we're gonna help this guy out.

- Oh, God.

I think the best things happen when you're not looking for it.

But I came here just to eat zeppoles

and sausage and peppers.

I didn't know that I was actually

going to be finding a wife.

- Who wants to date the Chooch?

[cheering]

- What better place to find Vinny a girlfriend like his mom

than at an Italian feast?

- How about this girl right here?

Do you like Chooches?

- I do. - Oh, perfect.

Bring her in. - Come on in.

- We got our first contestant.

- Part of me is not looking forward to speed dating.

- This is the Chooch. - Hi. How are you?

- Vinny. - Nice meeting you.

- But at the same time, I am kind of struggling out there,

so I'm just trying to keep an open mind.

- So you're gonna have to get to know

this guy in three minutes.

And the best thing about speed dating is,

it gives Vinny less time to f*ck it up.

- Ready-- - Ready.

- --set, go.

- Start the date!

- t*ts or a*s?

- Both, but--

- I got you at both. It's fine.

- Let's go. I didn't look.

- I don't know.

I think they're hitting it off.

- How many Instagram followers do you have?

- Like, ,. - ,?

- Yeah. - Cool.

You're like a normal person.

- How many do you have? - . million.

- That's disgusting. - I follow a lot of thots.

- [laughs] I like her.

I don't know.

Maybe this will be a good thing.

- Who else wants to date the Chooch?

[cheering]

- Nice to meet you.

- Speed date has just started!

Please be quiet!

- You look very toned.

Do you like to work out? - I race marathons.

- You do? - Yeah.

- I'm running the New York City marathon.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Oh, he's blushing.

- Nobody stare at the Chooch. He gets nervous.

- Shut up.

- Hey, Ronnie, send in the next one!

- What's your name? - Sierra.

- Sierra? - Nice to meet you.

- What's your name? - Sophia.

- Sophia?

I would also like to meet a nice, wholesome girl.

You're k*lling me.

I mean, I don't mind entertaining girls.

It's fine. It's a good job.

I'll take it. I'll do overtime.

- Ronnie, stop flirting with the girls!

They're for Vinny.

Who's next?

- Where are you from? - Manhattan.

- She lives in Manhattan? - Wow. Bro.

- He lives in New York, too.

- Do you want, like, a relationship or--

- I'm not looking for anything, really.

- Oh, she's not looking. - Red flag.

- Time.

Time. - Ripping it up.

- No more questions! - Time.

- No more questions! - Time.

- You were so good up until the last question.

- Wait. I feel like I didn't get to know him.

- No, I never thought I'd want to date

a bunch of girls in a row, but I kind of like this.

Do you like to party?

- Lately, I've been going out.

- Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

We've all been on that date where the vibe was off

right away, and then we still have

to sit there for two hours.

Here, you got to sit with them for, like, two minutes

and it's over.

I love it. [chuckles]

- This is Vinny. You can have a seat.

- I'm Gabriella. Nice to meet you.

[tense music]

- You look familiar.

- Really? I--no!

- Doesn't she look like somebody from Staten Island?

- Oh, my God.

He's saying you look like Angelina.

- Oh, damn.

- We should just end it now.

- I told you. [buzzer blares]

- And we're done.

This date has concluded.

Thank you so much, Angelina--I mean, Gabriela.

[laughter]

- I think we found a very wide selection for Vinny.

- What's your name? - Pauly.

- OK. - That's with a Y.

- What's your favorite color? - Blue.

- Red, white, and green?

- We don't need to find him a date no more!

It's right here!

- I want to start a family soon.

- I'll make a kid tonight. - Whoa!

- Getting spicy over here.

- How was that, Chooch?

- I got some good picks.

Better ones than Margaritaville.

Hi. - This is our friend Vinny.

- How are you? - Hey.

- Nice to meet you. - Vinny.

- Thanks, guys.

- My man! What the f*ck is going on?

- Oh, hey!

- What are you doing with my boy?

- We're doing a dating show.

- I'm really hoping we found this man a match,

because Vinny is speeding towards being

the next Uncle Nino.

- This is heaven, f*cking heaven.

Oh, my God.

- Time is ticking, my friend.

[laughter]

- ♪ Gonna live this life ♪

♪ Like it's going out of style ♪

- Good morning, boys. - Good morning.

Good morning. Where's the Chooch?

Quite a night last night, huh?

- Yeah, that was interesting. - That was good.

- I think-- I think he handled it well.

There's some potentials there.

I mean, I don't really like to brag,

but I feel like we did a really good job yesterday.

Oh, he's blushing.

Nobody stare at the Chooch. He gets nervous.

- Shut up.

- You watched "Goodfellas," right?

The mom's like, when are you gonna find

a nice girl to settle down?

He's like, I want to be with you, Ma.

I love you, Ma. - Yeah.

- Paola!

- I have laundry.

- Pizza and chicken cutlets?

It's my favorite.

- Can I just-- one second. - Go ahead.

Yeah. My arm's tired.

Sub.

- No wonder why he's still single.

- [laughs]

- Hey.

- Hey, look who it is.

If it isn't Mr. Bachelor of New York.

Did they slide in the DMs?

- A couple slid, yeah, a couple slid.

- I knew it.

- They found some quality girls,

but I didn't really feel any like, crazy sparks.

I appreciate the guys' sentiment,

but I think that they might be a little overzealous

until, like now, always trying to find

me a wife at every second.

What's going on over here?

[laughter]

- He said, what's going on over here?

- Just cut it, man, that's it.

- No, seriously, come on. Spill the beans.

- No, it's really just a new cut.

- Yeah, man.

- Yeah, you look like an athlete.

- Yeah. - Ball player.

[laughter]

- OK, this means w*r. [laughter]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Gimme a little more funk ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ Let the rhythm take me ♪

♪ Give me a little more funk - Are you nervous?

- I wasn't until now.

- Oh, my God, I'm nervous.

- I have goosebumps.

I gotta get rid of 'em.

- Stop. You guys are making me nervous.

- No, I'm not nervous. - I'm not kidding.

Look. - It's 'cause you're freezing.

- I think it's gonna be great.

- Today is gonna be a big friggin' day.

Pamela is coming over.

She's like, a genetic FBI agent.

- I work for people that are adopted,

looking for a child they gave up--

- OK. - --looking for a father.

That's my area of expertise. - OK, so--

- I have a little bit of an update,

and I'm wondering if we can coordinate

a time where I can come by.

- I'm finally finding out some information on my birth family.

- Is there anything we can do for you?

- Make sure my parents are good.

- Do they have a lot of concerns and nervous?

- Yes.

I do feel bad about my parents and, like, how that's gonna go.

- All right, here we go.

- I know they're iffy about this.

They don't know what's happening.

My dad was literally grilling Pam like he's in the mob.

- I have some reservations.

I don't know you.

I don't want to see her get taken advantage of.

I'm very protective of our daughter.

- Hello! - Hi.

- Hey, Ma.

I want to make sure my mom's, like, not upset.

Because, I mean, it's a lot for my parents.

At the same time, you know, they'll do anything for me.

And I'm so glad they're here to support me.

- Hi, Helen.

How are you?

- Papa Snooks.

- Hey, honey.

- I'm nervous.

I can't imagine how they feel.

♪ ♪

- How you feeling?

- I'm curious, but I'm not curious.

- [sighs] I'm dying.

[pensive music]

[knocking]

- Is that a knock?

- It's happening.

This is, like, one of the most important days of my life.

Hi. - Hi.

- It's such an exciting, crazy moment.

- Hi, everyone.

- Because I don't know what we're gonna find out.

- Are you nervous? - A little bit.

- I could tell. - Yeah.

- I could see it in your eyes. What about you?

- They're freaking out. - No, we're not.

We can handle it. - OK.

- All right.

So, as I told you, I got a little info.

- OK.

- So let me show you what I got.

- A little info.

- A little info.

- Oh, my God. - Surprise.

I do have a binder.

- Oh, you do?

- My heart's starting to race.

My palms are getting sweaty.

She's like, what do you got?

- I have some things that I think you'll really enjoy.

- OK.

- OK?

So you want to see what came up?

- Yeah. - OK.

This is your birth mother, Nicole.

- [gasps] Oh, my God.

- What?

- I'm gonna cry.

- [gasps] - Oh, my God!

[pensive music]

- You want to see what came up?

- Yeah.

- This is your birth mother, Nicole.

- [gasps] Oh, my God.

- What?

- I'm gonna cry.

- [gasps]

- Oh, my God.

- [sobs]

[exhales sharply]

Hold on.

I don't know if I can speak.

- That's your birth mom.

♪ ♪

- I need a minute.

♪ ♪

[sobs]

I didn't think that I would be--

I didn't think that she would get a picture of my birth mom.

- That's you.

- Yeah, that looks like me.

Oh, God.

- Thick black hair. - Yeah.

- She's short and curvy. - Exactly.

- Yeah.

- She's got big boobs.

- She's a meatball.

[laughs] Here, Helen.

- Seeing my birth mom-- holy sh*t.

I just started hysterically crying.

I'm like, oh, my God.

I didn't even think about that.

And then, like, I feel like a bag of dicks 'cause,

like, my mom's right here.

It's awkward.

And I didn't want to hurt my mom's feelings,

but also, like, this is a huge moment for me.

[sighs] I can't even breathe.

- So you have a sibling. - Yes.

- This is what you wanted. - Yeah.

- All right, so this is your brother.

- Whoa.

- [gasps] Holy sh*t.

Damn.

He's handsome. - Very.

- It's weird that he kind of looks like Gianni.

- Right?

- I know.

He kind of looks like Gianni.

Ew, my brother's hot.

[laughter]

- Am I married to my brother?

- She's gonna DNA test Gianni now.

- Ew, can you imagine?

- No.

Very handsome.

- She didn't have another kid after?

- There's one more.

- [sighs] I knew there was one more.

- You have a sister.

- Oh, my God.

- [gasps]

- Whoa.

- Oh, sh*t.

- That's her.

- That's me.

We have the same, like, kind of chubby cheeks a little bit.

And I have, like, a little lip, and then my nose.

- Nicole, when did you take this picture?

- I know.

- She's cute.

- As far as I could tell, there could be more.

- Could you maybe work on the birth father?

- Um...

[somber music]

♪ ♪

I tried. I definitely tried.

But the DNA, Nicole, I couldn't find anything, unfortunately.

- Nothing?

- Yeah, unfortunately.

I mean, what I do--

- That's the only thing missing is that picture.

- Yeah.

- She'd have to contact the mom,

and the mom would have to give the name.

- The mom, yeah.

But you've got your pictures now.

Is that enough for you or--

- Mm.

♪ ♪

- I'm satisfied but, like,

I wonder if I'm gonna want to do something.

Even though I never met these people, I feel a connection.

- Where do we go from here is my question.

- The next step is for me to get contact information.

- Who knows what the future holds?

Maybe I will want to meet them.

I have no idea how I feel right now.

- However you want to pursue it, it's all up to you, Nicole.

And I'll support you and Mom will too, ,%.

- I love you so much, Mommy.

I love you, Daddy.

And I feel like in a way, even though we're

like super, super close and they're my best friends,

I feel like we're even closer than ever.

Because it's just like, this is crazy.

Yeah, I don't know.

I literally just need to like, just look at this book

by myself, digest it, and be like, holy sh*t,

I could have had a totally different life

with these people.

- ♪ I feel you here ♪

♪ In my dreams ♪

- So crazy

- ♪ In my dreams ♪

- What's happening, boys?

- What in the--

[laughs] Mike.

- This is what Lauren sees when she's on top.

[laughter]

- They're ready to start messaging.

- I'm actually going to have a conversation with my birth mom.

- That's your mom.

- [gasps]

- ♪ So I'm doing my own thing ♪

♪ Because I'm so tired of the dark ♪

♪ It's time to find a little light ♪

- Hi.

- How are you? - Surprise.

- You brought lunch?

- I brought you some snacks.

- Oh, thanks.

- I haven't talked to you in a while.

You've been pretty busy lately.

- I know.

It really was on medicine, like, June, July.

Like, I was really going through it.

- You really show face, honestly.

Nobody would ever know what you go through

when you're at home.

- No, I don't want people to feel bad for me.

I was just like, going through it.

- So they're going to remove the one ovary.

- Remove the ovary. - The half ovary.

- Yeah, and then start with, like, a clean slate

before we go into another embryo transfer.

- And how does Justin feel about it?

- He is very positive and optimistic.

- Great.

- But also, he's going through it with me.

We've been doing this for a year now.

You're doing shots every night.

You're doing all this stuff for months.

And to not have the baby-- - Right.

- --it's the worst feeling ever.

I'm scared to go through all that again.

It's sad because I'm taking the medicine and, like,

going through it myself.

But it also takes an emotional toll on my partner.

That's what makes it harder.

Like, it's a letdown for both of us.

The thing is, I can't waste time anymore.

I can't prolong things.

Like, I have to do the surgery to try the next step.

I want to be a mom so bad.

Like, I'll do the surgery.

I'll take the supplements to just hope

for a positive outcome with the next transfer.

- If I was younger, I'd be your surrogate.

- That would be so weird. - [laughs]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Your mother's got flavor ♪

♪ Your father's got flavor ♪

♪ Your sister and your brother ♪

♪ And your cousins got flavor ♪

[phone ringing]

- Yo. What's up, Chooch?

- What up, my dude?

- What's happening, boys?

- What in the--

[laughs] Mike.

- Uh, I'm getting my weekly facial.

- I never want to see this angle of Mike again.

This is what Lauren sees when she's on top.

[laughter]

- Ha, ha. Hee, hee.

What's going on?

- So I was on Instagram today, and I noticed

Vinny has a comedy show in Connecticut.

Boy's on a comedy tour.

- Oh, look at you.

- How come you didn't invite us at San Gennaro feast?

- I'm kind of nervous.

I'm going to another state.

There's hundreds of people coming out.

I'm still very new.

You guys can sit this one out.

- Yeah, we'll be there.

That's dope, though, but thanks.

- We'll definitely be there. We'll be at your house.

- Oh, God. - We're all down.

Vinny's world tour! - Oh, hell yeah.

Do they have food there?

- Goodbye. - Bye, fellas.

- See you there, fellas. - See you soon, Vin.

- Oh, God.

- ♪ Move out all of your clothes ♪

♪ Now get out of my home ♪

♪ We're over and done ♪

- Ange, where are you?

- Hey. Dana?

- Oh, my God, this place is cute.

- Isn't it? - Yeah.

- I've never been here.

Dana's my best friend in the entire world.

- Did you just do what, singing, podcast?

What did you do?

- We were listening to the music.

- It's really nice in here. - It is.

We met each other years ago.

She started doing my hair.

- I've got to fuss with this hair.

- Can you fix it?

And then we just clicked immediately.

I want to talk about something,

a f*cking big elephant in the room.

I haven't been chilling with the roommates in a while.

- Well, do you, like-- is there something

that, like-- like, why?

- Well, it's because I said on my podcast that,

when I'm around them, sometimes I get physically ill.

- [laughs]

- I do get sick every time I leave a vacation.

- You do, like, work yourself up so much to the point

where it physically does take a toll on you.

- Mm-hmm.

- And it's more about, like, you and your mindset.

I know for a fact that everybody wants to be good.

Like, nobody would want to be, like, in a awkward--

- I think some of them like to be bad.

- No.

- I am not perfect, but they're not either.

- ♪ I live for the drama ♪

- Well, I think-- - And that is where it is.

It's like a f*cking Ferris wheel.

- What do you think's gonna happen when you see everybody?

- I don't know.

- If you don't put the negative thoughts out there--

- I will be positive.

But if I come in being positive and it doesn't work, I'm done.

- ♪ I live for the drama ♪

- ♪ You got me tripping over my tongue ♪

♪ Suddenly there's no air in my lungs ♪

♪ I never knew that I could become undone ♪

♪ But I never knew ♪

- Oh, my God.

Ay-yi-yi.

Ever since Pamela, you know, gave me my binder

and I saw everybody, I want to know about these people.

Sit.

So today, Pamela's gonna come over.

I'm gonna be messaging my birth mom,

and I'm trying not to, like, freak out about it.

There's a good boy. Look at you.

What is she gonna say to me?

Like, is she gonna hate me?

Like, I don't know.

I'm excited, I'm scared, but like, I'm confused.

My emotions are everywhere.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Hey, when you feel forsaken ♪

♪ I'm a door and I'm always open ♪

- Rocky, we have a guest.

Hi, boo.

Obviously, I want somebody there for me.

And I don't want to bring my parents here because I feel

like this is a lot for them.

Are you rich with the Chanel bag?

- You have, like, Louis.

Calm down. - $, bag.

Jenni's my bestie.

Her mom was adopted.

She understands.

And I feel like Jenni will calm me down.

- I'll be honest. I'm a little nervous right now.

- You're supposed to not make me feel that way.

- No, I'm sorry.

I have anxiety.

I just never believed this day would come.

This is a big moment.

- What do I say?

I'll say, hey, this is the kid you gave up.

- [gasps] - Sup?

Was I a one-night stand?

- How does one text in another language?

- Oh, yeah, 'cause she speaks Spanish.

- Yes.

- All I know ishola.

-Como estas.

-Como estas.

Graciasforviva.

- I don't know that word.

- Life?

I don't know how to speak Spanish, Jenni.

I failed Spanish twice.

Listen, like, the only time I do

speak Spanish is when I'm Selenas, like, singing.

[discordant vocalizing]

So I think I'm gonna communicate

through my Selenas.

I will turn into her.

Hola.

- [laughs] No, this is perfect.

- What do I say?

- [laughs]

I'm gonna throw up.

♪ ♪

- OK, Camila, it's show time.

You all ready? - Yeah.

- Namaste. - Namaste.

[knocking]

- [gasps] It's happening.

- You got this.

- I'm starting to get nervous now.

Hey, girl. - Hey.

How are you? - Hi.

- Panic is setting in.

- This is Camila. - Hi.

- She's gonna help me translate.

- Nice to meet you.

Thank friggin' God.

Can you imagine?

Dios míos.

We're Selenas.

Oh, my God.

Wait, so what-- what is happening?

- What's happening? Right.

- Yeah, like-- - OK.

So your birth mother and your birth sister,

they're ready to start messaging.

- Mm-hmm. - I have it set up.

I'll just let them know that we're together.

They only know you by [bleep].

They don't know your real name.

- Honestly, I would love if they had no idea

what "Jersey Shore" was, who Snooki is.

That would be a f*cking dream,

because I just want to be a normal person to these people.

- This is important to you, right, to reach out

and to get your medical information?

- That's the number one. Yeah.

- What's number two?

[soft dramatic music]

- Why was I put up for adoption?

- OK. - That's a question.

Like, I just feel like I'll always regret not doing this.

- They are on pins and needles waiting for me to say I'm here.

- OK.

I need to do this.

- OK. She's live now.

They are ready.

- OK.

So just say, I'm with Alberta now.

- I just-- I don't know how to react right now.

My emotions are everywhere.

They're typing!

[intense music]

- She say that Alberta is very excited and nervous.

- I've waited my entire life to do this.

Well, at first, say it's so nice to meet you.

I'm literally years old,

and this is the first time I'm actually going to have

a conversation with my birth mom.

That's your mom.

- [gasps]

♪ ♪

- You taught the world what GTL was.

You showed us what a Chooch was.

You guys were orange before being orange was cool!

So tonight, we celebrate you.

- Bring it home!

I cannot believe it has been years.

- If you're not first, you're last!

- I need a wine.

We've come so far.

- It's been a bit chaotic, more so than normal.

- I didn't notice.

- Come here, man.

- Oh, wow.

[cheering]

- What the f*ck is going on?

- We're all going to Jamaica!

[cheering]

- Jamaica!

- I'm on a vacation!

- Yeah, man!

- [gibberish]

- What the f*ck?

- Welcome to the Last Shot at Love!

[cheering]

- I'm finally looking for someone to settle down.

- Kiss. - Oh, my God.

- Vinny's, like, in love with this girl.

- Ooh!

[cheering]

- The process of this turned into me, like,

caring about my birth mom. - Aw.

- Holy sh*t, this is a huge step.

- So I get surgery in two days to remove my ovary.

- Oh, damn.

- "I'm going to urgent care. Everything is blurry."

- I hope she's OK.

- Nobody really gets it unless you go through it yourself.

I just want to get it over with.

- You are addicted to this drama.

- Well-- - You do it with Mike.

You do it with Sam.

You do it with Jenni for years.

- I hate worrying about everything always.

- Deena's like, I can't do this no more.

- None of us know what to do anymore.

- I feel like there's no one there.

- You act like you're above me.

- There's only two options-- jail or death.

- All I'm saying is I'm upset about it.

- Son of a b*tch.

- Where do we go from here at this point?

- I would never talk bad about Ron.

- I can't process this.

[laughter] - Are you OK?

[dramatic music]

- That's how you give a lap dance,

ladies and gentlemen.

- No, no, working hard!