08x04 - South Jersey

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV

- It is to a point where none of us know what to do anymore.

And there's only two options we see you going

at this point-- jail or death.

- I have a Foxwoods date.

That's in Connecticut.

- OK.

- Well, looks like I'm going to Foxwoods.

- Yeah, oh, definitely, bro.

I would love to come to one of your gigs.

- The other day, the whole Sam of it all.

- I didn't even talk bad about Ron.

- Wow, this is gross. - Aw, this is nice.

- This is gross.

- I don't think I'll be invited to the wedding.

- Are you sure? - [laughs]

- You never know.

[upbeat music]

- Yeah, buddy!

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- I'm still the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

♪

[upbeat music]

- Babe, did you book a jet for a three-hour

drive to Connecticut?

- Yeah, what's the problem?

Why are you bitching?

- I'm not bitching. I think it's badass.

[laughter]

- I feel like this is the only way

you can show up to a Pauly D show.

Like, this is me low-key being a baller.

It's me, Nicole, Sam, and Vinny.

- So it's a girl's jet.

- Mike can't go 'cause he's doing,

like, a speech somewhere.

Deena is somewhere.

I don't remember what she said.

- We're bringing the kids to that amusement park.

- Oh, yeah.

- Ange, I haven't heard from.

And then Ron, I believe, is flying right into Connecticut.

- Back on the road, my love.

- Nice little roomies trip?

- Yeah, I love when they come see me DJ and we turn up.

It reminds me of old times.

My love, are you taking me to the airport?

- No.

- Come on.

- ♪ If you want to go get it

[phone chimes]

- Taking a PJ to Foxwoods?

Isn't that in Connecticut?

That's like, an hour and a half away from me.

I am not going on a private plane with the girls.

That's literally like Karen Air.

I'm not doing that.

- ♪ Let's go

♪ Keep it moving

♪ Let's do it

♪ Keep it moving

- Thanks, Jenni, for getting the PJ!

- Yes, whoo! - Girls trip!

- Thank you.

- Thanks for the flight, boo.

The drive, b*tch, I'm not doing it.

- Whoa!

Jet turbo.

All right, we're almost there.

[laughter]

- Whoo!

- Yay!

- Whoo!

- Thanks for the flight.

- You should thank Vinny, because I'm gonna

Venmo him 'cause bought a nine-person and he didn't show.

- Who would skip out on a jet?

- Loser.

- We're gonna Venmo Vinny. - Do it.

- Put it on Vinny.

Put it on Vinny.

- I'm texting him right now.

[phone chimes]

- Venmo request, $,?

Uh, I think Jenni sent this to the wrong person.

I didn't f*cking get their stupid private jet.

I'm driving, and it's gonna be like, $ in gas.

grand.

You can't make this sh*t up.

- Hold on!

Whoo!

- Cheers to you.

Congratulations on your movie premiere of "Devon"

and the trailer coming out.

We're so proud of you.

- Whoo!

- Wait, do you have the trailer?

- I do. You want to see?

- Yeah.

- I have an unmatched obsession with horror movies.

- Ooh, it's scary.

She's gonna get all big and rich and leave us.

- During COVID, I called my dad and I was like, what do

I want to be when I grow up?

Mind you, I'm thirty-f*cking-six years old.

So my dad said, ever since you went to Pennhurst Asylum

with Nicole many years ago, you've always

wanted to make a movie there.

- Welcome to Pennhurst.

I'll be your paranormal investigator tonight.

- You're recording? - Yeah.

- [screaming]

- So I took a tiny budget, and I f*cked around

and filmed a horror movie.

- Like, is this where--

[screaming]

- Oh, my God.

- Say we had to be in a feature film.

Who would you, like, cast?

- I actually think Deena, based on her pranks.

- Guys, stop. - Stop what?

- No. What is in there?

No. - No.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

- Somebody's just floating.

- Now, who would be the worst in my film?

No offense, Ron. - Ron.

- Hi, my name is Ron.

- Your name is Ronnie.

- No, I know.

This is the first time I've seen this.

Hi, ladies. My name is Ronnie.

[laughter]

- Something's wrong with him.

- Ron is gonna be here, I guess.

But I've broken the ice, so I just don't want it to be weird.

I can coexist.

- Ooh!

- We're here.

- ♪ Feeling like a million bucks, all ones ♪

♪ Only right we shake it then we throw it ♪

♪ We ain't got no liquor left, all done ♪

- Thank you.

- We did it!

- We made it!

- ♪ I just got my hair curled, nails done ♪

♪ If I get to flirting, don't you blow it ♪

♪ Don't you blow it

♪ When I'm at the party, I'm a pimp ♪

- Hi. Good afternoon.

I'm really excited to be going on this trip with everybody.

The awkwardness between me and Sam, I think, little by little

is starting to go away.

And that's progress.

Oh, this is nice.

[upbeat music]

- Yay! We're here!

- Foxwoods, b*tches.

- Such a long travel day.

- So brutal.

- Oh, this is nice.

- Yeah, it's a nice hotel.

- Fancy.

- Farley, "Politzi."

- It's freaking Polizzi, weirdo.

I have to say, I do love it here.

- Ooh, OK.

- We're on eight.

- I hate elevators.

One time, I got stuck in an elevator on a -degree day

in New York City with no air conditioning,

and I was in there for a good five minutes,

felt like years.

- That's fine. So do I.

- I'm like, me and elevators, I just pray for the best.

- But I don't let it freak me out.

- Like, we're burning in hell for the things--

- Oh, me and Jenni.

- It's gonna start beeping.

I'm going to have a panic attack.

[beeping] Oh, my God, it's beeping.

[screaming]

- Drop your hand.

Watch your hand.

- We lost Jenni.

- Help!

- Hello? - Nicole!

- [laughs]

- Don't ever leave me again!

- What happened?

- It just f*cking likeStranger Thingsed

to another f*cking dimension.

- Did you stay there the whole time or did you move?

- Yes, it wouldn't move.

It went up and down.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, this is nice.

Oh, we got a pool table.

Fancy.

- Ron. - How are you?

- Good, how are you?

- Hey, Ron.

How are you?

- Mm. - I missed you so much.

- Glad you made it. - Hey.

Hi.

- You guys are allowed to say hi to each other?

- Yeah, I think it's good. - No hug.

- Oh, my God, at this point--

- There will be no hugs, but I can wave.

- No, no, we're not there.

- No hugs.

- Look, it's awkward as f*ck, but I'm doing good.

- Oh, God.

- Just don't touch me.

Like, I'm good.

- Hey.

- ♪ Let's have a good time

♪ Oh

[laughter]

- ♪ Stay on go, stay on go

♪ Don't stop, don't stop

- Hi, how are you? Vinny.

I'm meeting Pauly and the crew.

- So is that the only person missing--

Vinny?

- Yeah, I think Mike is doing a talk.

- Deena has, like, a family thing.

- And Ange is getting help.

- Well, I'm glad she's trying.

- Yeah.

The fact that she's actually doing something

is a step in the right direction.

- I'm proud of her.

I'm actually happy that, you know, she's staying home.

She's working on herself, going to therapy.

- Hello.

- Oh, sh*t, there he is.

- What's up? What's up?

- How was your ride, Vin? - Good.

- How was your flight?

- minutes.

- Nice. - You should have went on it.

- I was, like, two hours away.

- Let's do something. - Yeah.

You want to make plans? - I don't know.

What's there to do around here?

- They have everything. - Everything.

- They have bowling.

- We can go bowling.

- Want to go to the spa?

- I'm down for a spa day.

- All right, guys, ready? - Spa time.

- Spa day.

- [burps]

- Have fun bowling.

- Toodles.

- Going down.

- Don't let the noise go off.

- Oh, God!

- Ow, again!

- Oh, Jesus, these doors.

- Oh, there he is.

- Oh, sh*t.

There he is.

- Oh, wait, wait. Whoa.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[soft music]

- All right, let's put some robes on.

- All right.

- I don't have underwear, do I?

Yes, I do.

- Oh, we have lounge chairs.

Collagen mask for eyes.

- f*ck yeah.

- We had a huge travel day today.

- It was so long.

- Whoa!

- Jet turbo!

I think we're there.

- I'm so tired. - So exhausted.

- Whoo!

- This is some high roller sh*t.

- This is a nice place.

- We each have our own lane.

I stay in my lane, you know?

♪

- That's a strike.

- Look at that.

- No one handles ba*ls like you, Vin.

So you missed it-- - What?

- --when me and Sam said hi.

- You did?

- Yeah, when she came in. - Was it awkward?

- No.

I gave Jenni a hug, gave Nicole a hug.

Then she came in last, and she was like, hey.

I was like, hey. - Yeah, yeah.

- And she was like, hey.

- Ron and Sam are basically back together now.

No, I'm kidding.

But when we're sitting in a group,

it doesn't feel that there's animosity.

All I know is, never fall in love at the Jersey Shore.

- Rule number one.

- Mm-hmm.

- ♪ Hottie, could you rub me with your body ♪

♪ Hottie, could you rub me with your-- ♪

♪ Hottie, could you rub me with your body ♪

♪ Hottie, could you rub me with your body ♪

♪ Get buck wild

♪ Won't you do it for the crowd ♪

♪ Get buck wild

♪ Won't you do it for the crowd ♪

- Yo.

What up, P?

- Nothing, just getting ready. What are you up to?

- Well, do you want to meet by, like, the elevator

or something and we'll go to dinner?

- Yeah, let's do it.

- Samantha first.

Are we twins?

- Oh, my God.

- You guys have the same outfit on.

Look at us.

- Look at us.

- Ooh, this place is gorgeous.

- Yeah, it is cute.

♪

- Thank you.

- What's up, gals?

How I missed you.

I'm excited to be here at Foxwoods.

Connecticut is almost like home to me

'cause I'm from Rhode Island.

And then my roommates are here to see me.

I love that they still come out to support me at my gigs

to this day.

Wait, where's Vinny?

- He's not with you?

- No.

I'm gonna call the chooch.

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

- Where you at? - I got some bad news, man.

I'm feeling a little sick.

- Wait, what?

- I don't think I should go to dinner

'cause I have a fever.

- What, he bring a thermometer with him?

- I'm having a hard time believing you're actually sick.

I want you to take a picture of your thermometer that shows me

you have a fever.

- He brought a thermometer with him.

- Oh, now, it's no fever.

I don't even know if is considered a fever.

But to him, it is life or death.

- He got his Vicks. I can't.

He got his Vicks. - So dramatic.

- I mean, I am being interrogated here.

They're asking for pictures, for videos.

What's next, a urine sample?

- Well, rest up, you chooch.

- All right, bye. - Wait, what?

- Bro, he had a fever of .

I'm pretty sure I rock at .

- That's a normal temperature, .

[singing indistinctly]

- Definitely ready to meet the roommates.

Haven't been chilling with them in a while,

and I'm trying to just be more of a calmer Ange.

Man, this sh*t whips.

Peace out, b*tches! You f*cking--

Hello? - Angelina?

- Oh!

- ♪ I got swag in the bag, I know you see ♪

♪ I dress so fly, I know you see ♪

- I don't really believe he's sick.

- He looked totally fine today.

- I went bowling with him for three hours.

- Hey, wait, how was he bowling?

- He was fine. - Did he cough at all?

Did he say, I'm sick? - No, he didn't cough once.

He didn't sneeze.

He didn't have a runny nose.

- What the f*ck?

- 'Cause I know when I have a fever, like, I'm passed out.

Like, I'm under the covers. - Yeah, yeah.

- He's gambling.

- He's probably gambling.

- Well, Paulie, I'm excited to see you DJ.

- Yeah. - Thank you.

- Thank you for inviting us to Foxwoods.

- Of course. Anytime.

Anytime. - Ooh.

- ♪ Now, get a little low now, shake a little something ♪

♪ But don't hurt nobody

♪ Show 'em what the vibe is

♪ Show 'em what's behind it

♪ When you go rewind it

♪ Just don't hurt nobody

- I know we're missing everybody,

but I'm planning the next trip.

- Hey, where we going?

- We are going down South to the Carolinas!

- OK.

- Here's to the Carolinas.

- Cheers.

- The last time we went there for Mike's f*cking

weird thing--

- Welcome to the ACL Super Bowl III.

- All the way from the Jersey Shore--

the Situation!

[cheering]

- Get your sack in the hole!

- Whoo!

[cheering]

- --we had an absolute blast.

[screaming]

- Hold on!

- Oh, God.

Ah!

- I'm all for the Carolinas.

- I love another trip this time of year.

All right, I'm gonna go change and then--

- All right, we'll see you later.

- Yeah, I'll see you guys at the club.

- Good luck. - Good luck, Paulie.

- Thank you. - We'll be cheering you on.

- I'll see you in the booth.

- Dinner was perfect, even though the chooch

is in bed crying like a baby.

- [snoring]

- Here you go, ladies and one gentleman.

- [snoring]

- Oh, this looks f*cking packed.

[cheering]

- I want to hear music.

I want to dance.

Like, I'm ready to go see Pauly spin.

- [snoring]

[upbeat music]

- He's here!

- Yes, sir!

If you came to party, make some noise!

The show right now is super lit.

[monitor beeping]

[somber music]

I need everybody in the whole entire place

to put two hands up as high as they can go right now.

- ♪ Y'all put the time

♪ Go, yeah, golden green

♪ Make money, mo' money

- Make some noise!

- ♪ Uptown, I'll be the queen ♪

♪ Don't cry when I tell you the truth is a thing ♪

♪ Don't be so critical

♪ But this is meaningful

- ♪ We're coming through here, we're not, yeah ♪

♪ We're just too fabulous

- ♪ Princess without the fuss ♪

- ♪ Get the ball like candy rush ♪

♪ Too cool for school

♪ And we don't play by them... ♪

- He looks like an old grandpa.

- I'm gonna stay back with Nicole because we

were the Spiral Squad.

- Cheers.

Oh.

[whimsical music]

♪

- It's in your hair.

♪

And I'm, you know, the only one that really knows how to handle

her when she gets like this.

- I'm f*cking sad!

I'm sad!

- I gotta leave, though.

You want to know why?

The cabs are here!

[upbeat music]

- Connecticut, Boston, Rhode Island, I love you!

Thank you for coming out!

[cheering]

- D. - Yep?

- You k*lled it. - Good to see you, man.

Thank you. Love you so much.

- Thanks, love you. - That was so fun.

- Love you so much. - Yeah, I'll see you guys.

- I think we should all get f*cked up.

- [laughs]

- What, over here? - This one.

- No, it's .

- Things never change.

That's not even the key.

- Well, what the f*ck?

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪

- ♪ Salinas!

[singing indistinctly]

[upbeat music]

♪

All right, Ron, just go to bed.

- Have a good night. - Bye, Ron.

Bye. - [laughs]

♪

- Whoo!

- ♪ We about to take it over

♪ Whether you know it or not

♪ They be all in my business, business ♪

♪ I never paid that attention ♪

♪ My hand in the bag

♪ I'm running it back

♪ I never did lack ambition

- Vinny, I don't know if it's fake or real,

but he's claiming to be sick.

He was being such a baby.

He brought a thermometer.

- Stop.

[somber music]

♪

- Hi, Vin. - Hi.

I have the flu.

- You take your temperature, Vin?

- Yeah, it's high.

, .

♪

What else did you bring?

- Just some ginger ale and some chicken soup.

Let me bring the stuff inside, OK?

- Mm-hmm.

- Let me get that tissue box, put it closer to you.

Vin, where do you keep your toilet paper?

I can never find anything in this apartment.

You can't bury yourself under covers when your fever is high.

- [coughs]

- Oh, my God.

Oh, I got it.

Oops.

- OK. I'm good, I'm good.

Are you cutting onions?

- Yeah, Vin.

They say to put onions in a sock

and then put it on your feet.

It takes all the toxins out.

- Oh, my God.

- It does stink a little, but it's gonna draw--

look, you already feel it. - Stop.

- Can you feel it?

Oh, you have tea that says, "Get regular."

You constipated?

- Ma, shut the cabinet.

[upbeat music]

♪

[beeping]

- sh*t!

I feel like I did a lot of planning for, you know,

going down South to the Carolinas.

Things to do in the Carolinas--

OK, this is very Southern.

It's gonna be perfect.

- No South Carolinas.

God, what am I gonna do?

[upbeat music]

- There is a major hurricane hitting

the Carolinas right now.

We're gonna have to make some pivots,

and I think I got a good answer to this dilemma.

- Let me hear it.

- You know how we have Situation Farms here.

I have dreams and ambitions to live off the land.

End of the world's coming soon.

Big Daddy seriously needs to be self-sustainable.

My chickens are Italian and they eat the finest.

Linguine puttanescas.

I have this connect in South Jersey, OK, Farmer Andrew.

They have almost like, a bed and breakfast farm out there.

Technically, I mean, listen, we're still going south.

We're just going to South Jersey.

- I like it.

- Hi, this is Cape May Farms.

How may I help you?

[upbeat music]

- ♪ I love myself

♪ I say it loud and clear, yeah ♪

[phone ringing]

- Damn, that's a f*cking huge text.

- Yo, Mike just texted the group chat.

- Oh, what the hell?

What?

[phone ringing]

- We are still headed south, to South Jersey.

We are going farming, b*tches.

- Honestly, I don't hate that.

- Farming?

- I mean, I don't want to farm, but--

- I'm out.

I wanted to be in the Carolinas.

- Six chickens and now he's f*cking Ronald McDonald.

[country music]

- ♪ Hey, hey, you can take him away ♪

♪ Because I don't much care for a city boy ♪

♪ I like blue jeans

- Honey, I'm almost ready.

- Yeah?

- I'm packing right now.

- Oh, my goodness, what is this?

These right here are specially made.

We got Situation Farms, and also we have

the overall Situation Farms.

I want them to see the next stage of Big Daddy Sitch,

and that is a Big Farmer Sitch.

All right, honeys, see you later.

Going to the farm.

Bye, guys.

[rooster crowing]

A farmer does not go anywhere without his equipment.

Let's see if we got any eggs today.

This is liquid gold right here.

All right.

Hence, my golf cart's got to come with.

That should do.

My golf cart is a vibe.

Best believe I'm bringing my own golf cart.

Mikey, what's up?

All right, let me unhook this bad boy for you right now.

♪

- Load it up, bro. - All right.

Let's go - You ready?

Let's roll. - Cape May, here we come.

Farmer Situation style.

Oh, sh*t.

Ooh!

South Jersey, let's go.

- ♪ Hold on tight, it's a wild ride ♪

♪ All my life, it's a--

- Hey, girl. - Your Uber has arrived.

- Even though our plans changed,

honestly, I'm excited.

I love farms and I love being around animals.

We gotta grab-- - Dee.

- --Deener and then Sam?

- Yes.

- The only thing that I'm worried about is like,

if we have to clean sh*t or sh*t.

I don't wanna-- I don't wanna clean sh*t.

- Hi, guys.

- Welcome to your Uber, five-star rating.

Thank you. - Welcome.

- Is everyone ready?

- Yes.

- Pedal to the metal, wh*res.

- ♪ Neon lights shining bright ♪

♪ Dancing in the street

- I mean, listen, man.

They say don't put the cart before the horse,

but it seems we put it on the tow truck.

- Yeah, we don't need a horse.

- Exactly.

- Look how cute her porch is.

- So cute.

- Samantha!

We're here. - Hi, guys.

- Hi!

- Welcome to the road trip.

- Oh, I'm excited.

Where's Ange?

- Angelina's gonna meet us there.

- ♪ Turn it up, turn it up

♪ Turn it up, turn it up

- I would live here if I didn't have cats.

I'm just kidding.

Definitely ready to meet the roommates.

Haven't been chilling with them in a while.

I've been going to a program.

It's five days a week.

And I feel like the tools that I'm learning in there is

definitely helping me to cope.

And I'm trying to just be more of a calmer Ange.

[serene music]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la

- I figure, since it's far, we could play some car games.

- Ooh.

- I have prizes.

- Ooh.

- I spy with my little eye

something red.

- The non-smoking sign.

- Yes!

- Sammy won!

Go ahead.

- What is it? Wait.

I think it's pills. - Pills?

- Pills?

- What kind of pills, mystery pills?

- You got children's ibuprofen!

[laughter]

I feel like this is I Spy for children.

- ♪ You got money in your pocket, say hey, hey ♪

♪ Grindin' every day, say hey ♪

- All right.

Let me call up Ronnie and see if he's ready right now.

[phone line trilling]

- Yo, what's up, bro?

- We about to pull up, me and Mike.

- Who's Mike?

You and Mike?

- Yo, Mike's my boy.

- ♪ Adrenaline pumping, I'm running the game ♪

♪ Look in the mirror, we are not the same ♪

♪ I'ma go hard, fight through the pain ♪

- Oh, my God.

What is this?

Are we having a Mario Kart party?

Mike.

- ♪ I got swag

♪ I got swag

♪ I got swag

♪ Get into my bag

- Oh, my God.

[upbeat music]

What is this?

Mike.

- Yo, what's up?

Yo, you wore a jumpsuit too?

- [laughs]

Mike hops out of this truck wearing a full juit,

a jean jumpsuit.

It's a juit.

- We're going to an actual farm out here.

- Yeah, so you bring your golf cart with you.

- Yeah, exactly.

Mike!

- Yo, what up? - Bro.

- All right, we're good. We're throwing it up there.

Let's do it. We got this.

We got it.

- All right, three dudes in a truck?

- Oh, boy. - Yeah.

I'm in the middle of a Mike-wich.

- All right.

[laughter]

- The leaves are turning orange.

It's fall.

This guy's got overalls on and a T-shirt.

[laughter]

- I'm not sure the squad is aware,

but this right here is a real farm with real livestock.

OK?

Just wait until that c*ck wakes them up in the--

[laughter]

'Tis the season.

- ♪ Yippee, yippee ki-yay

♪ Yippee swinging this way

♪ Tell me if you want to play ♪

- Oh, my God, the parkway ends.

- I thought it was never-ending.

- We're going off the beaten path, people.

- It's a whole 'nother world down here in South Jersey.

- Yeah. - It is more beach and farmy.

- I call it cousin-f*ck-ville.

- No, I don't like that.

[laughter]

[country music]

- I think it's that one.

- I think it's up here.

Oh, this looks cute.

- Oh, look at the barn.

- Oh my God, look at how cute it is!

- I love it.

- Look at that!

- I love this place.

It is something out of a story fairy tale.

OK, Mike, you did all right.

Let's go.

- Where do you check in?

- I think right here.

- This is adorable.

- Hi. - Hi, how are you?

Welcome. - Hello.

- Mike "The Situation" booked you guys three cottages.

Each cottage will come with a walkie talkie

just so you guys can communicate.

- Is anyone here? - You guys are the first ones.

- Yes! - First ones.

- Let's go!

- You get-- you get the choice.

- So we have a map.

- You're gonna have three cottages.

- Let's go check out our rooms before they get here.

- Looks like you're going to pull--

- Whoo! - Stop!

- Whoa!

- Whoo-hoo!

- Do you know where you are?

- No.

I don't know how to read a map.

Go west.

West where?

- All right, Jenni, it looks like we're gonna make a left.

- OK, well, I'm gonna go straight.

- What the hell?

This farm is huge.

We're definitely lost.

- You guys can read this?

I can't read this for sh*t.

The last time I read a map was MapQuest

trying to find the Shore house in .

I'm cutting you off, b*stard.

You'll get over it.

[car horn honking]

f*ck off!

- I have no idea.

- I cannot read a map.

Do I look like a pirate?

- Right or left? - Right.

Right. I don't know.

- I think this is the right way.

- Let's just sightsee. Go right.

- I don't think-- I don't know if we're going right.

- I don't think we're going-- oh, there's a chicken!

Hi, chicky!

- Wait. I see our truck.

We just did a circle.

- Are you kidding me? - Oops, my bad.

- I have cramps.

- Oh, my God, this is like a horror movie.

[country music]

- ♪ Let's go down to the land of the lost ♪

- Yee-haw. Giddyap.

- Everybody's coming except--

except for Vin, if he's sick.

- I think Ange is coming, too. - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- ♪ Stomp in the mud and make some swamp music ♪

- Oh, cute. A little cute town.

♪

- Yeah, the parkway just ended.

- Yeah, that's how you know we're in South Jersey.

There's no more road left.

- Yeah.

- Oh, my God, look how cute!

- Oh, my goodness.

They have rocking chairs!

- This is something out of a movie.

It's a white farmhouse with a wraparound porch.

This house is so stinking cute.

- And we got our porch!

- We got our porch, guys.

- Oh, my goodness.

- So beautiful!

- How bitchy is it in here?

This is a beautiful house.

This is the cottage that I was hoping for.

We should claim our rooms now.

Because you know when the boys get here,

they're gonna fight for this house.

- I'll take this room.

- I'll do this one.

- All right, I'll take this.

- All the rooms are so great! - I know!

I'll take it! - It works.

- I love it!

- Yay!

We did it!

- So cute!

Cozy!

♪

- I finally get to Cape May, but where are the girls?

Where are you ladies?

- OK. Where's my cottage?

- So it's actually-- this is the direction.

- I'm gonna get lost.

Peace out, b*tches!

- Where are the boys?

- Does anybody want to call Mike and see where he's at?

[phone line trilling]

- Hello?

- Hey.

- Hey, where-- where are you guys?

Why is it so loud?

- You don't even want to know.

- Oh, Deena, Deena.

- We're driving down in our transportation.

- Just three dudes in the front seat.

- Yeah, three dudes.

Mike and Mike in a Mike-wich sandwich.

- Manwich

- And Ron is in the middle.

- What the f*ck are you saying?

- Wait. Time out.

- Say it again. - Who was just talking?

- I hitched a ride with my boy, Mike.

He drove us down in style.

- Oh, he's on a f*cking tractor.

- He's on a tractor.

- Guys, he's on a f*cking tractor.

- All right, bye.

[upbeat music]

- Damn this sh*t whips.

Peace out, b*tches!

You f*cking--

I'm really excited to be here.

Every day, I'm learning something new about myself.

It's gonna be the new me, and I'm so

excited to show the roommates.

I need to get me one of these m*therf*ckers.

- I really don't feel like we're in Jersey right now.

- No, not at all.

- How the f*ck--

I'm gonna go in the woods!

[screams]

- Did you guys hear something? - Where are you guys?

No!

- A bird.

- No!

f*ck you, bench!

The bench just has to be right there, right?

Ugh!

- I hear something.

- Oh, no, I hear screaming. - Hello?

- Angelina?

- Ah!

No!

- ♪ Stay on go, stay on go

♪ Don't stop, don't stop, let 'em gossip ♪

- No!

This is hard!

[upbeat music]

Ah!

Like f*cking Forrest Gump.

Jenni!

- Is that her?

- ♪ Duh-duh-duh, duh, duh-duh

- The witch.

- [laughs]

- You made it! - You made it!

- Welcome home.

I'm happy that Angelina's here.

But with Angelina, we never know what's gonna happen.

I'm just crossing my fingers everything goes well.

- Where's everybody staying?

Like, everyone's got their rooms?

- So there's, like, three cottages.

- Can we go look at it? - Yeah.

- You guys, I don't know where I am.

- I have no idea.

- I have no clue where I am or where I'm going.

- I know. - I can't read a map.

- Don't follow me.

- I think it's right next-door to this house.

[tense music]

- Everything's like, old here.

Like, the houses are old.

It's creepy.

[hawk screeching]

- I feel spirits.

- Stop. - All right.

I think it's these two.

- Let's check out this one, I guess.

- The houses look from the s or something.

And there's definitely ghosts in houses like that.

- OK.

♪

I'm feeling nervous.

- Yeah, I feel like this house has something.

- Yeah, it does.

[static hissing] - Oh--

- What the hell is that? - --my God.

[static hissing] - Stop.

- What is it?

- I forgot, they said that we all have walkie talkies.

- Why did it just turn on like that?

[static hissing]

That was weird.

That was very weird.

- Oh, my God.

I know ghosts come through electronics and stuff,

so I'm really getting freaked out.

- Can we check upstairs?

- Who wants to go up first?

- These stairs are like old-school.

- Look at the rope railing.

Like, look at this.

This is an old house.

There's definitely some things--

apparitions in the walls.

- It's so haunted in here, I'm not even kidding.

- I have a headache. - I feel it.

- I'm not staying in this house.

- Oh, hell no.

- You know what?

It's nice in here. - This is a good vibe.

- I like it.

I don't mind ghosts

- Really? - Yeah, I don't care.

Ghosts, they amuse me.

They amuse-- I can play with them all day.

I will live with that ghost upstairs

and I will be thriving.

- All right, let's go to the other house.

This is really rustic looking.

- Mm, this is old.

This is f*cking haunted too.

I just am feeling bad vibes.

- I feel like you need to do your ghost app in here.

- Dude, you dare me to?

- Yes.

- I have a ghost hunting device, an app,

actually, that a lot of ghost hunters use.

And you actually can talk to the ghosts.

[phone beeping]

- There's a child, a girl.

- Three children here, above.

[both gasp]

- OK.

Enough, guys.

- I definitely don't like this at all.

- I think there's a kid in here who died.

- In this house?

[phone beeping]

- It's just answered.

It just answered your question.

What house?

They just wrote back, "his."

- Whose is his? - Like, his house.

- Oh, sh*t.

OK.

- Angelina has the app out that the ghosts are talking to her.

- I got an adrenaline surge.

- I feel it in here.

Scan the room.

- No, not while I'm in the house.

Come on.

Wherever we go, there's ghosts.

And then, like, my roommates enjoy, like, bothering them.

[phone beeping]

- What the hell?

- What'd it just say, Ange? - Use it in here.

I feel it in here.

- Ange, what did it just say?

Because I heard it go off.

Be careful what-- we're done.

- What does it say? - Take it off.

- We're done.

- It says, be careful what you wish for.

- That's it. I'm out.

I am not doing this sh*t.

No way.

I'm out.

- Deena ran outside.

- Be careful. - I'll stand right here.

- Yeah. They're doing ghost stuff.

- Boogity, boogity. - You're scaring her.

Stop. - What the f*ck is going on?

[phone beeping] - There?

- Who? - There?

- What? - They're talking to spirits.

It's everything I hate.

- This is a demon.

I'm out.

- That thingy is going off.

- Why is he being mean?

- And it doesn't sound like it has good things to say.

- You guys want to see a demon?

Be careful what you wish for.

- And whatever this guy said, he said, be careful.

Be careful of what?

I'm out.

- Deena ran away.

- I'm gonna have to be really f*cking drunk for this trip.

- Oh, roosters. - Oh, look.

Oh, he's coming at you, bro.

- Man, he wants the smoke.

- Leave this to the trained professionals.

He's getting ready to charge me.

- That is a nice c*ck.

[laughter]

- I've never seen a c*ck so nice before.

[laughter]

[country music]

♪

- Are we still even in Jersey?

- Yeah.

- I feel like we're not even in Jersey anymore.

We're heading into Cape May, South Jersey.

While I'm down in Cape May, I'm looking to take my farming

skills to the next level.

Listen, I already got the chickens.

My wife wants me to get a donkey in the backyard.

- A donkey?

Mike f*cking has four chickens,

and he thinks he's a farmer.

Why does she want a donkey?

She already has a jackass.

[laughter]

- Who is this? - Who is that?

- Wait. - Wait.

Is that Mike?

That's f*cking Mike with a cowboy hat.

- Oh, it says the Situation Farm.

- Bro.

- Oh, my--

- He took his golf cart? - Wait.

Stop it. He took his golf cart down?

- You brought your own golf cart?

- You know there's golf carts here, right?

- Howdy.

- Oh, my God.

- I missed y'all!

- Oh, my goodness.

- Ron, you're squished in the middle!

- Yeah. Come on, get out.

- Oh, my God. - There's Ron.

- Mike looks like if Old MacDonald

had a child with Popeye.

You kind of look like a stripper.

- Do you wear this at home? - I do.

- I'm embarrassed. - Ange!

Good to see you, girl. - Good to see you.

- Good to see you, girl. Everything's good?

- I didn't know that. Yeah, everything's good.

- Good, good, good, good.

- My therapy is doing amazing, and I'm really, really working.

It's a lot.

Every day, I'm learning something new about myself.

- Proud of you. - Thank you.

- You keep up the good work. - Thank you.

I appreciate it. - One day a time, girl.

- One day at a time.

- One day at a time, girl.

Angelina made a very big decision

to start to help herself.

And that's all we really want.

We want Angelina to be happy, to be healthy.

And it seems she's on her way.

Now, go make me a sandwich.

[laughter]

- Oh, sh*t.

- All right, we're gonna head to our house.

- That's the boys' one.

It's really nice.

- This is a [...] demon.

I'm out.

- It's a demon. - Pass.

Hard pass. - All right, I'm gonna go.

- OK, Mike. - We'll see you later.

- I'll see you in a second. - You're gonna love your house.

- You're gonna love your house.

- We'll see you in a little bit.

- Let's go.

- Look, this is a kitchen full of food, bro.

What more could you ask for?

It's like a nicer Shore house.

- Yeah.

Oh, there's no TV in this, so I definitely can't be in here.

Does the TV work?

OK, OK, OK, TV works.

- Mike, you like it? - I'll take it.

It's fine. - All right, they're good.

- OK. - What's this?

Ooh, this is a chicken salad?

[upbeat music]

- Nice food.

- All right. What's happening?

I tried to call Vinny on the way here.

He didn't pick up. - I haven't heard from him.

- Oh, yeah. - Anybody talk to Vinny?

- I wonder how he's doing.

- Vinny, he said he can't come because he's sick.

- So let's give him a call-- let's just check on him.

- Hello?

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

- Hey, Vin. - Hey, Vin.

- How are you feeling?

- I'm sick.

- Oh, my God.

- He's got a temperature.

Meh.

- It was today.

- Oh, my God.

- It's not fun.

- Suck it up, b*tch. We're at the farm.

- Feel better, Vin. - Yeah, feel better.

We miss you.

- Bye, Vin.

- Bye.

♪

- Where are we?

I've never been to this part of Jersey.

I just know that it's South Jersey, but like, South Jersey.

I've never been to this part of Jersey.

[phone ringing] - Oh, Pauly.

Howdy, partner.

- If you see pigs, you're going in the right direction.

- I see a blowout.

- What in the world?

- Oh, oh, oh, right here.

- Whoo! - Right here.

- Welcome to the sh*t show!

- Right here.

- What in the world?

- Hey, Pauly!

- Is this Jersey? - Yes.

- Yeah. - I think so.

- We're in the South! - Yeah.

- Wait, where's the chooch?

- Aw!

[laughter]

- He's sick. - Oh, they're so cute.

- Aw, Pauly, sweet!

- What a great boyfriend.

- He's not here.

- He's not coming.

- Fourth day on the flu, he said.

- No?

- He's got the flu.

- Oh, he probably knew you'd be sad.

- Yeah. - Huh?

He's not coming? - No, that's what he said.

[laughter]

- I need you, my chooch.

I miss you, my chooch.

Get well, chooch.

And you're a chooch.

I got these balloons for nothing.

- I don't know what to do with these.

[laughter]

- ♪ Light up the bonfire

♪ Light up the stage

♪ Couple cold beers and a whiskey straight ♪

- You know what's weird?

I feel like a nice light around this house.

- It's cozy here.

- Yeah, I like my room. - Yeah.

- Other house-- no.

Nicole, the other house--

- There's a f*cking demon in there.

- I'm going to my house.

This is probably the most haunted one in this b*tch,

but I'm with it.

f*ck it.

- Which one's the house, this one?

- Yeah, this one.

- Ooh, they got a little furnace in here.

- Well, this is interesting.

- Yeah, it's a cozy little house.

Looks like the Shore house.

- Yeah, it does.

- You know when you go glamping,

it's a nice version of camping?

This is a nice version of farming.

Yeah, I'll take this room.

Flarming?

[laughs]

You look like you fit right in over here.

- That's what I said.

- This guy's gonna have more animals on his property now.

- We have one house of chickens.

- Yes.

- I'm gonna get a second one. - OK.

- Right, so we got double the chickens.

- We can do chicken fights.

- Yeah-- no, no, no, no, no.

[laughter]

- It doesn't look like a spooky old house.

[static crackles]

- Can you just shut-- - You are freaking out.

- Shut it off.

- We haven't even been here for a day.

- I know. Why are we so jumpy?

- And there's a mirror.

I gotta take my mirror down in my room.

- There is spirits on the land, like, literally a house over.

[static buzzing] - Oh--

- What the hell is that?

- --my God. - Haunted!

- I have a mirror.

- Ghosts come through electronics.

- Should we take our mirrors out?

- Yeah.

I'm not dealing with the mirror.

- Take our mirrors out?

- Yeah, just in case.

Mirrors are portals to other dimensions

and the spirit world.

- Oh, it's stuck.

- I just don't want to chance it here.

So, b*tches, take down your mirrors in your rooms.

- Why am I taking my mirror out?

- Just in case.

- [screams]

- What?

- [screams]

- Are you insane?

[laughs]

- Oh, my God.

[laughs]

You just got so scared.

- Did you see her face?

- I was so scared!

- ♪ Nowhere to be

♪ Nah, nah, nah

- Let's get this Bentley off this trailer.

- Oh, this is serious. - Bro!

- Hold up. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You gotta go real slow.

Hold on.

- How hard is it to back up a f*cking golf cart?

Really?

How the f*ck--

I'm gonna go in the woods!

No!

I'm just saying,

- Man, he's got LED headlights and everything.

Take me for a ride, man. Where we going?

- Just get in. Ronnie, get in, man.

- Y'all, let's go. Let's go.

This thing's dope. - Let's go.

- It's like a Lambo golf cart right here.

Yo, watch my rims, man.

- Damn, son.

- Just got these!

Oh, look at the animals. What is that, a pig?

- Yo, that's a pig. - What in the world?

Where are we?

- What the hell is this, a chicken coop?

- Yeah. - Oh, damn.

Look at the size of that one.

- That's a big one.

- Oh, it's roosters.

- Oh, look.

Oh, sh*t.

- Mike, go talk to them.

Oh, he's coming at you, bro.

- Man, he wants the smoke.

- Yo, come at me, bro.

Come at me, bro. Come at me, bro.

Come at me.

I'm right here.

- He wants all the smoke.

- Leave this to the trained professional.

Let me see.

- Go grab the c*ck.

[rooster crowing]

- Mike, pick it up.

If I was dressed like that, I would pick it up.

- He better not.

- He's getting ready to charge me.

- All right, I get you got chickens at home, bud,

but you're not quite there yet, Mike.

- That is a nice c*ck.

[laughter]

- I've never seen a c*ck so nice before.

[laughter]

- Nah, he getting ready.

- Just because Mike likes chicken tendies

doesn't make him a farmer.

- Pick him up. Come on.

Peer pressure, man. Peer pressure.

- Give him a hug!

- [screaming]

- [laughs]

- [in Southern accent] I'm Deener the wiener cleaner!

[laughter]

- Oh sh*t! - Oh!

- [screaming]

- Today we're going to be working on the farm.

We are-- - --DTF.

Down To Farm.

- Oh, I can't do it.

It smells so bad.

[gags]

It f*cking smells.

- Watch your step.

- sh*t. - [retches]

- Dee!

- Jenni, where you at?

- I can't do it!