02x14 - Jewish Barbie

[bunniefuu]

Stop talking to me!

[Ronnie] I've never seen Vinny get mad

and he's [bleep] pissed right now.

Stop talking about me!

[Nicole] Let's have a shot!

When I lose Nicole, I feel like I lose my child.

[screaming] [Ronnie] Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

How's everything with you and Jen?

Well, we've been good lately.

Is that before or after she dragged you with the car?

♪ Here I come ♪

Yeah, buddy!

Party's here!

The Situation is under construction.

This might not have been the best idea.

We're so classy now.

On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

Get the frig outta here, you crazy!

♪ Here I come ♪♪

[Vinny] Do you want me to shut up? [Angelina] Close your mouth.

There you go. Done. Thank you.

Thank you. Gladly. Gladly.

At least we're coming to... I hope you do-- I hope you do the same thing.

...realization here, thank you. Thank you.

I hope you do the same thing. [Pauly] Facts. Say "facts".

Facts.Facts.

You're so corny, shut up.

[Jenny] Oh, my God, the flirting

between Vinny and Angelina is over,

and [bleep] getting real.

Get over yourself.

Stop talking to me!

Oh, wow.

Oh, my God!

The best way to get over somebody

is to get under somebody else, ya feel me?

Nah, been there, done that. I don't remember it.

[all oohing]

On the Lord's day, the amount of besmudgery

is... is incomprehendable.

I love Sunday dinner.

[all laughing] Oh, I forgot my chicken's in there.

Was it like this the whole time I was gone?

It got worse with me and him. He wanted to act like this--

Stop talking about me!

[bleep] you!

Do you see what you just did? Do you see what you just did?

I walked over there, and you're still talking about me.

Um, seriously-- Watch this, guys. You wanna see an experiment?

I'm gonna walk over here. I guarantee you she talks about me.

No one gives a [bleep], dude.

I guarantee you in the next... minute. No one gives a [bleep] about you.

Okay, watch. :. Angelina, stop.

No one cares. Flip-- flip the table. Flip the table.

:.

What the [bleep] is wrong with her?

Because he-- Stop!

Jenni, he goes on me too.

He straight up goes at me. But he literally will leave.

Just be an adult for five seconds.

Oh, but he doesn't have to be a [bleep] adult,

and I have to be an adult?

[Vinny] Have I talked to you today?

You are so obsessed with yourself, it's sick.

You're sick. No, you're obsessed with me,

'cause you keep talking about me. I'm not, you're actually obsessed with me, dude.

[Ronnie] Is it over yet? You should just confess

your love in front of everybody.

[Pauly] He's obsessed, she's obsessed, he's obsessed...

Whatever. [bleep] you, Vinny.

She's still talking about me.

[Pauly] Holy [bleep]. What goes on?

I wasn't there for one day, Angelina's humming at my bro.

Like, that girl's a handful.

[Ronnie] I imagine the sex between you two would be [bleep].

It's a Staten Island thing, you know?

We're very aggressive people.

Angelina gets off on the fact

that I interact with her,

and this girl is not worth my time anymore.

Not worth my energy,

so I'm just not gonna fight with her.

I'm not saying one more word to that b*tch, mark my words.

Yo, [bleep] got real hostile real quick.

You've never dealt like such a situation like this

in a-- in a shore house.

There hasn't been any drama when it comes to Vinny G.

Nah.None.

I'm usually drama free. Yup.

I don't go around looking for trouble.

And I'm over any kind of drama and negativity from my life.

And unfortunately, Angelina just gives me negative vibes.

That's all she gives out.

This house is so Jersey, right?It is.

Angelina, how does it feel to mess with a bro-mated man?

[Angelina] Huh? What? Mike...

There is a part of me that still loves to stir things up.

[chuckling] You know what I'm saying?

Oh, [bleep], that's a big mosquito right there.

[screaming] Oh, God, it touched me! Oh, my God, run!

[Vinny and Pauly laughing] It touched me!

[Mike] Oh, my God, that is a big one.

Jump in the pool! Jump in the pool! Look at that.

It's on your head. It's on your head.

[screams] Stop!

[Nicole] [Bleep] off! Like, don't touch me.

You're gonna sting me, then I'm gonna itch for years.

I just don't like bugs at all.

[Mike] I'm going to bed, good night.

I love you. Night. Good night, love you.

Good night, Angeliners. Good night.

Oh, yeah! [Angelina and Nicole scream]

Got ya! That was a two-fer. [laughing]

Welcome to the house, Pauly.

Tomorrow's the pool party.

Yeah, I'm excited.

[Nicole groans]

[Angelina] How are you up?

I'm a mess.

I wanna sleep more.

[Vinny] I just woke up.

And, uh, must've had a nightmare

where Angelina was yelling in my face all night.

[slow-motion] Shut the [bleep] up!

Shut up!Shut up!

Oh, wait, that really happened.

[Mike] What the [bleep] happening in here?

We're in the gym. We're doing abs. You wanna get some?

Yeah, there's-- there's no way

that I'm gonna... [bleep] do that.

Where are we going tonight? Does anybody know?

Headliner? Headliners?

There's a burger challenge.

They have like a monster burger.

Really? Like a big one.

Uh-huh.

So, uh, we thought maybe you would enjoy the festivities.

Yo, yo... [Pauly] So don't eat.

Yo, I like where your head's at.

[Mike] Listen, any type of exercise is not in my areas.

But a burger challenge? That's my language.

Did you guys eat breakfastes? Nothing, not a [bleep] thing.

You're not eating today. You're not all-- bro, you are our horse...

I know. ...today.

We've been training our thoroughbred Mike

to have this burger challenge at Headliners.

So what you guys thought was your man

lost the whole situation just because, to lose it.

In all actuality, he lost it for this challenge. He's been training.

Yeah, he's been training for this challenge... He's been training for years

...for a long time. ...for this very moment.

What you guys didn't know is that day is today.

My life's events have culminated to this one event.

This one day. Do I have to give you a pee Ketone test right now?

Oh, no, no. I usually do have a pee test

like every ten days, though.

[laughing] He's serious.

[laughing] I do.

He beat drugs.

He beat drugs.

He beat alcohol.

He beat all them temptations.

All of them. This burger's nothin'. So this burger got no chance.

The only thing Mike has not beaten is the IRS...

[both] Yet.

You look like you're [bleep] the railing.

[Jenni groans] I just got a visual.

[laughing]

Yeah, you need to hydrate.

[distant chatter]

[belches]

The cabs a'here!

The. Cabs. Are. Here! I did it!

[Nicole] Yay, you did it. Good job!

[Angelina] Do you think Mike's gonna really do this challenge?

Mike's gonna k*ll it.

Some see a challenge,

but I see an opportunity.

Opportunity for diabetes.

[Mike laughing]

There's the music.

♪ I got money on my radar I got money on my radar ♪

♪ Money on my radar money on my radar ♪

It's a two-pound burger.

You have to finish it in ten minutes.

I'll do it.

You guys should all just do it.

Well, we're gonna share a burger.

[Vinny] Do your stretches. Your arms first.

[Ronnie] Yeah, you gotta work up an appetite.

Warm those arms up. There you go.

Don't cramp up, don't cramp up.

Slow, slow. Form is better than fast.

Mike is like a fat Rocky right now.

My man is warming up.

He is gonna [bleep] beast this challenge.

Give me a one-two.

One-two-three-four.

One-two-three-four-five.

There you go, there you go.

You ready for this? Yep.

♪♪

Do you want us to just hold, like, a bucket under your a*s?

[laughing] You can just [bleep] it out?

Oh, my God, look at that [bleep] thing.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Hell, yeah. You got that [bleep].

You got this, that's all day. Hell, yeah.

So this burger is huge.

It is like patties, filled with cheese and bacon

and onion rings in a big, thick bun.

Like, I don't know anybody that could eat this.

[Jenni] Are you ready, Mike? [Mike] I'm ready for this.

Mike, it's all three of us versus you.

Livin' my best life, baby.

Are you ready?

So with this challenge, Mike has to eat

this whole burger and the fries,

but we have Vinny, Pauly, Ron on another burger.

And we're gonna see who can win the burger challenge.

All right, Mike. [Pauly] Boom, let's get it.

Can I get the pickle?

I'm looking at this burger right now,

and I know only one way to do it.

Maximum effort.

This is the Headliner burger challenge.

You got ten minutes.

It has never, ever been done. Are you ready?

[Pauly and Jenni] Yeah!

Go! [screaming]

Go, Mike. [Pauly]Go, go.

Is this happening?

Go!

I don't know if they're gonna actually be able to do this.

But more power to you if you do.

Ron, you gotta work on those carbs.

This challenge was meant for Mike.

This is gonna be epic.

Mike, you better beat them.

I've been trainin' for months living my best life

just to do this competition today.

Big Daddy Sitch is gonna bring home the W.

If you're not first, you're last.

[Nicole] Come on, Mike!

I don't feel good. I'm gonna go throw up.

Oh, no, really?

[Nicole vomiting]

This is my friend Single Ronnie.

Oh, my God.

It's happening. He might be cheating.

[Vinny] He hopped in the cab!

Oh, my God. Yep. Yep.

[John] Ready? Go!

[screaming]

[Nicole] Oh, it's happening! It's happening!

This thing is a beast.

There are like eight patties, onion rings...

You got this, Mike.

And it has to be eaten in ten minutes.

[Nicole] Mike, you're losing.

Yo, there's four versus one right now, what do you mean?

Come on. [chanting] Mike! Mike!

[all chanting] Mike! Mike! Mike!

[Ronnie] Somebody get him a blender!

Stop cheering for yourself and eat!

I know this is a -minute competition...

[Vinny] Hurry, hurry!

...but this burger is delicious right now.

The meat is perfectly cooked.

Cheeseburgers with a pickle, onion rings on the sides.

Amazing, okay? A ten.

Mike, go!

Mike, you're slowing down. You're almost at a halt.

[Vinny] He didn't put a dent in that yet.

[Pauly] Nah, he didn't.

You ever seen, like, a competitive eater?

They eat like beasts.

Like, they don't enjoy the food,

they shovel it into their mouth.

But Mike, like, is enjoying the food.

He's like, "Mmm, a French fry. Mmm, an onion ring."

And I'm like, bro, that's not how you're gonna win the competition.

We finished ours.

Yo, you can't rush greatness.

[John] seconds! seconds.

[Pauly] Last stretch here, Mike. At least eat the protein.

He's enjoying everything.

I'm like, Mike, shove a burger in your mouth.

[all] Five... four... three... two... one.

[Pauly making buzzer sound]

[Vinny] You're a failure!

I-- I may have done better in this competition

if the funfetti cake was in there.

Go home.That was not your best work.

I seen him eat more than this yesterday.

Wait, Mike...

What the...? Mike!

Listen, the perfect thing to wash down a burger

is none other than the chicken finger.

[Ronnie and Nicole humming, laughing]

I know.

[Vinny] Being part of the non-spiral squad

is like being at the zoo, you know?

It's like watching, like, the monkeys,

like, go crazy on each other.

Who dere?

Who dere? Who dere?

And I'm just, like, behind the glass and taking pictures,

eating my popcorn.

I love you. Hi, my love.

My girlfriend Lindsay came out, and her vibe is good.

She's a really pretty girl...

...so it's gonna be pretty fun to actually hang out

at Headliners with everybody.

Oh, hey, how are you?

I didn't know what a Jewish Barbie would look like,

but she's pretty hot.

[Pauly] Oh, yeah?

This girl is extra. She has on extra everything.

Extra makeup, extra outfit, extra hair.

And her name is Jewish Barbie.

Yeah, no doubt.

She looks hot, but she got here for one second

for us only to say hi and we left.

Let's roll. Let's go.

[Vinny] So we've had enough of today's day party.

Mike failed his burger challenge.

We're gonna go home, regroup, and get ready for tonight.

You wanna come out later?Yeah.

I definitely will. All right, come out later.

Angeliner here is trying to bring her girl.

[Pauly] Oh, yeah?

I'm comin' back out tonight, I don't care, like...

I'm coming back out. You're demented.

I'll be honest with you, I'm starting to get hungry again.

[laughing] Oh, my God.

"Can tell you six days sooner."

We need to get a pregnancy test stat.

It's charging.

Waiting for that result,

it's the scariest moment of your life.

[gasps] It says something.

Stop!

♪♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I'm a wreck ♪

♪ Going hard until I die... ♪

[Ronnie] Vin! Vin!

Have you ever seen a cheater on a cheetah?

[Jenni]Ohh!

Ugh! Oh, God, I'm drunk.

Yo, I'm worried, bro. [Vinny] Why?

What if there's a Laurens reports?

About what? He cheated on his diet.

Oh, that's right! Heavy. Heavy!

I'll be honest with you, I'm not feelin' t-- too great right now.

I am supposed to be shredding for the wedding.

I really don't know how the missus is gonna feel

about the burger challenge.

You know that my philosophy has always been full transparency.

Bingo.

Here we go again.

I was there when Vinny did the explanation.

[Elicea] ...your girlfriend at home, getting a b*tch's number out

doesn't look good for you.

It wasn't one, it was two.

[Elicea sighs]

He'll never learn.

Like, if you're gonna cheat on your girl,

you gotta tell her.

All right, let's go. Let's do it.

Mike technically cheated today on his diet,

so I think the best bet is full transparency.

Let her know, you know what I'm saying?

It's always better to get ahead of it.

[phone line trilling]

Hello?

Hi, honeys. How are you doins?

Watching TV, what're you doing?

Ehh, nothing, honeys.

I wanted to call you because...

bit of a full disclosures,

full transparencies thing, you know?

What happened?

Honey, I cheated...

Eh?

...on my diet.

[Vinny and Pauly laughing]

You were doing so good on your diet.

I was doing so good, right?

You lost so much weight.

I know, I lost a lotta weight.

But to be honest with you, there was a burger challenge.

Can't turn down a challenge.

I couldn't turn it down. Oh, my God.

And to be honest with you, I'm sadly to report

that food won this one.

You didn't get the W?

Honey, I did not bring the W home for the familys. I did not.

Oh, my God. I know.

Where did you go wrong?

I'll be honest with you...

I seemed to bite off more than I could chew.

Ooh, no pun intended.

Understandable. Yeah.

I took some Ls today, honey,

but we turn our Ls into lessons.

[Vinny laughing]Okay?

Bam. Exactly.

That's right.

All right, well, I'll tell everybody you said hello.

I love you, honey.

I love you too. All right, bye.

Wedding's still on?

Yes, the wedding is still on. All right, cool.

I feel like you're more of like an enjoyment eater.

You were like, I don't wanna rush this.

I'm takin' my time, I'm enjoying this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was in slow motion.

Yeah. You know what I mean?

Not like a challenge eater. Mmm, yeah.

Well, we're gonna turn this L into a lesson.

And we'll see what state Ronnie's hair is in tonight.

Yeah.

[Jenni] Mike's in a burger coma.

Oh, yeah! Whoa!

[Jenni and Pauly laughing]

I scared the bejeebies outta you.

You did.

Look at the hair.

It's in disarray.

Yep, it's all over.

Ohh!

Ron's hair is a guido mood ring.

When it's all nice and combed over, he's in a good mood,

he's in a good place in life.

When it's just all over the place and it's just like

a [bleep]in' crazy 'fro, it's like he's Ron-paging.

I wanna go back out.

Of course we're going back out!

All right, hands that wanna go back out.

Put your hands up? I'm going out.

I'll go.

I need more tequila.

♪♪

[Nicole] Ugh, I don't feel good.

Angeliner...What?

Are you guys still not [bleep]in' ready?

Calm down with your blue outfit, your matching shoes and [bleep].

Ready to go.

Yo, this mirror make you look swole.

Ron, wake her up.

What're you doing?! Get up!

Holy [bleep].

Bam.

That's an outfit right there.

Whoa! Are you nervous?

Whoa.

And Jesus, you're coming with us

'cause I don't knowwhatis going to happen tonight.

♪ It's jewelry time ♪

Let this be a message to the thotties.

You should go to Headliners tonight.

Yeah, we need to send out some kinda like Bat symbol.

Mm-hmm. Like what's-- like, yours is gonna be your blowout.

Yeah.

Like, put the Pauly D blowout in the clouds. Yeah.

The boys are in town and, uh, are back in action.

Yeah, buddy.

[Nicole] Oof, my stomach hurts.

Angeliners, you got your peoples coming out tonight?

Do you have whatshername, the Jewish Arby?

Jewish Barbie.

She's Jewish Barbie?

Swear to God.

[Mike] She's known in the streets as Jewish Barbie? Yeah.

Well, he's known as the Keto Barbie, know what I mean?

What do they call you, Angelina, in the streets?

Staten Island Ferry.

Everybody ride her.

[Angelina laughing]

Just like a bus route.

I love to visit the Staten Island Dump this time a'year!

[groans] I don't feel good.

I'm gonna go throw up.

Oh, no, really?

[Vinny] You're really gonna throw up?

[retching]

I'm not kidding, I'm gonna vomit.

Jenni, hold my hair.

Oh, my God. Like, Nicole never throws up.

Like, what is going on right now?

Listen, listen.

[Nicole retching]

Oh...

[Nicole vomiting] Well, there it is. There it was, I just heard it.

[Vinny groans] Oh, my God!

[Nicole vomiting] [Jenni] Oh, there it is.

[Nicole vomiting]

I literally never throw up, why is this happening?

I never throw up, even when I was little.

So I'm like, okay, me and Jionni are trying to have a baby.

Maybe I'm pregnant.

[Jenni gasps]

Ugh!

[retching]

I literally never throw up, why is this happening?

Super rare occurrence for Nicole.

I have seen her hungover to [bleep] lookin' like a hot mess,

but she does not normally hug the toilet.

[Jenni gasps] I'm not kidding.

I feel weird right now.

I didn't eat anything to, like, make me sick.

So why am I throwing up now?

Did you guys ever see me throw up drinking?

No. But I have seen her throw up for other reasons.

No, I haven't seen it. What?

I might be pregnant.

Me and Jionni are trying to have a baby.

Maybe I'm pregnant.

I just threw up.

[Pauly chortles]

I never throw up. Ar-- aren't you concerned?

Cabs a'here!

Let's go. [overlapping chatter]

Spiral squad! [laughing]

[Nicole belching] It's happening.

I'm throwing up again.

Hey, sometimes you gotta keep it going.

[Pauly] Road trip.

[Nicole] Thanks for holding my hair, boo.

[Jenni] Of course.

[Angelina belching]

Don't [bleep]ing burp like that again.

Why? I just smelled it.

Oh, si-- I hate a smelly burp.

Oh, God.

Did it smell like a piece of salami?

Eww.

[phone dings]

[ding]

I can tell right now that Jen is texting him.

He's being like real quiet.

That's the pattern.

She always does that and Ronnie falls for it.

[Jenni]What? [ding] I drank a sip of it.

Oh, she's mad about something.

No, come on. Come on, bro.

Bro, I will beat you up by your f-- what do you wanna do, bro?

[Pauly] And it does not end well for him.

[ding]

Here I am with my friends, and it sucks when you're

with someone that just likes to fight.

[Nicole] I'm pregnant.

How do you know?

Oh, God, I feel it.

I feel nauseous again.

There's only one Snooki in this world....

I gotta go...

and Snooki...

Doesn't throw up. does not throw up.

You gotta be kidding me.

Nicole's like, "Oh, I'm pregnant because I threw up."

This b*tch doesn't throw up.

Something's wrong.I seen--

Nicole, we have been drinking for four days straight.

I mean, maybe that could be a reason that ya threw up?

[belches] It's happening.

Ugh.Is it?

Honestly, 'cause I need to know these things.

I think I'm okay. Please, no.

[Vinny] ♪ We're back ♪

I think that something's going on between him

and his baby mama right now and he's not telling us.

It's a pattern that keeps repeating.

Hopefully he keeps it together.

After you, buddy. All right, pal.

Angelina, you get out.

Just tell the boys I don't feel good.

I don't wanna freakin' walk in a club right now

and be around that scene.

My head's gonna pound.

I know. All right.

I wanna get a pregnancy test.

Like, I just need to know because if I'm pregnant

I am not gonna keep drinking.

We'll be back!

We'll be back in !

Yep.

But if I'm not, then [bleep] it.

I'm gonna be upset and let's go take shots at the club.

She's not feeling good, she wants to take a pregnancy test,

so she's gonna go get a pregnancy test. How could she be pregnant?

I wore a condom. [Vinny laughing]

♪♪

I am so excited that my girlfriend Lindsay is waiting

at Headliners for us to show up.

[Pauly] Jewish Barbie, what up?

Good, how are you?

That's what's up.

I have a feeling that Lindsay is gonna hit it off the roommates.

You wanna make out?

[laughter]

Here we go.

Shots. Ron, take a shot.

Ron?

Wann-- Ron?

You want a shot?

Want a shot out of the bottle?

[phone dings]

Right now I'm going back and forth with Jen.

And she's sending me pictures of my ex with her new boyfriend

saying, "Oh, that's how happy I'm gonna be."

And "That's why she's so happy 'cause she's not with you,"

and how she's gonna find another guy to raise my daughter.

Ron? [dings]

And I think I've reached my breaking point.

♪♪

I think I'm gonna throw up.

[belches] Oh, my God.

Worst case, we get Pedialyte,

puke and rally and we go back to the club.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

We cannot go to Headliners and continue the debauchery and be

like "We'll worry about this tomorrow."

I need to protect my unborn nephew/niece,

and we need to go get a pregnancy test stat.

"Digital rapid..." "Can tell you six days sooner."

Get that one.

Why is it locked?

How many strippers come in here and get a pregnancy...

[laughing]

Me and Jenni got the easy pregnancy test,

so it says yes or no.

You don't have to like read a crossed line

and then another line.

That [bleep]'s hard.

Restrooms.

Go.

♪♪

Ron.

You want a shot?

Want a shot out of the bottle?

With the way Jen is right now,

she's just like poking, poking, poking, poking.

Shot out of the bottle?

[guys laughing]

I decide you know what? [bleep] this.

I'm gonna have a good time, I'm gonna snap out of it.

What is that?

I think I'm gonna die. All right.

Cheers.

This is my friend Single Ronnie.

Single Ronnie?

Yeah...Just kidding.

I mean... I don't know.

Uh-oh.

Maybe not, but... I don't know.

You're an a*s[bleep]. Oh, my God.

I don't know, but I sure do like to mess with him.

I don't know.

I am.

I know. Oh-h*!

I like it.

Well, Vinny's single also, I think.

Vinny?

But he's fun.

He's better.

Yeah, it looks good.

Yeah, she has a nice butt. [Pauly muttering] I know...

Yes! Wait, let me see it.

Seeing my girlfriend Lindsay with Pauly and Vinny, I'm like,

damn, they are hitting it off.

I mean obviously, they are trying to hook up

with Jewish Barbie.

[Pauly] ♪ It's your birthday ♪

[Nicole] God, I'm nervous.

Ugh, I really hope I'm pregnant.

If not, I'm getting [bleep]ing bombed.Same.

Oh, my God, this is crazy.

But this is like typical for me and Jenni.

You-- don't wait that long, though.

It's still-- it's charging.

If it says no, I'm gonna be upset.

I really want a baby.

Me and Jionni have been trying.

It's never supposed to take this long.

Yeah. I know within like a minute.

And we've taken a lot.

Just waiting for that result and it just beeps and beeps and it--

you know, you're staring at it for five minutes.

It's the scariest moment of your life.

[gasps] It says something.

Stop.

It's never supposed to take this long.

[Nicole gasps]

You ready? Stop.

It's no.

I'm not pregnant.

I'm so annoyed.

Then why'd I throw up like that?

[laughing] Because you're old. Am I old?

Oh, my God.

I'm just old...

[bleep]!

And I can't [bleep]in' hang anymore.

[chuckling]

I'm gonna cry. Ugh, you poor thing.

And I'm sorry, boo, but this is .

Hi, nice to meet you. I never throw up.

Join-- join the s club, where everything falls apart,

you start developing heartburn,

you start puking, peeing yourself.

I'm getting pregnant right when I get home.

♪♪

What a good time. Oh, God.

[Mike] There they are. Here they are.

Oh, they came.

If she doesn't drink, she's pregnant.

If she drinks, she's not pregnant.

So now the night shall go to [bleep].

Hey.

[Pauly] Are you pregnant?

Awww!

I'm honestly like still in my head like, [bleep],

I'm not pregnant.

I really wanted to have a baby.

But I'll snap out of it.

Pauly, make me a drink, it's happening.

Thanks, babe. Welcome.

There's just a splash of vodka.

Ugh, it's all vodka!

[Pauly laughing] [shouts in Italian]

I was heavy on the pour.

Um, Jewish Barbie, you're coming back with us, right?

You can chill in my bed.

[laughing]

Me and Vinny share a room.

So Jewish Barbie, she is the hottest girl in this bar.

What're you doing tonight?

[clears throat]

The boys, they all want her.

Yo, now you're cheating on me, what the f--

I would never.

A'ight. Always.

Always.It's us for life.

Facts. Facts.

I'm wondering what guy is gonna take her home.

Let's roll out. Cabs a'here!

Cabs are here? Yeah, let's roll.

Cool.

Yep, so the lights are on.

We done stayed to this club till they closed.

Take care, my guy, thank you.

Have a good night. See you next time.

I love... Jers-days.

Jers-days this time a'year.

[Nicole] Oh, the girl's coming?

[Ronnie] Yeah, her friend.

Oh, you're gonna [bleep] her.

[Jenni] Why is she coming back to the "Jersey Shore" house?

To [bleep]in' play checkers?

So Ronnie's jumping in our cab.

What the [bleep] is going on right now?

You did this before in Miami,

let's not bring her home for you?

Um, pass her off to Pauly or Vinny 'cause they're single.

Oh, [bleep].

I'm like, oh, my God, it's happening.

He might be cheating.

[Vinny] He hopped in the cab! Oh, my God!

[Mike] Yep.

Oh, my God. She's taking off the shawl! She's in the bikini.

Oh, my God, she's getting in! She's getting in!

Same thing as Miami all over again.

Yeah.

Ronnie's Tours is back in business.

[Ronnie] Ah, man.

♪♪

[Jenni] Ron, are you coming in here?

Yeah. [Nicole] Ohh!

He hopped in the cab!

Oh, my God. [Mike] Yep.

We're about to leave right now, and Ronnie jumps in the other

cab with Jewish Barbie.

We all know what's on his mind.

Can't believe he hopped in that cab.

Yep. Oh, my God.

Me and Pauly the whole night are talking about which one of us

is gonna hook up with Jewish Barbie.

And then all of a sudden, it's like Ronnie's

bringing her in the cab.

And we're like what the [bleep] is going on right now?

I drank that whole bottle of .

Can you be my sponsor? Sure.

Ronnie is totally flirting with Angelina's friend right now.

Like, this is his type.

He is all about this and I'm like,

don't you have like a girl at home?

And a child?

You wanna go swimming?

What? Go swimming?

I don't know. Is it heated?

Yes, it is. Mm-hm. It's so nice.

All right, so you going swimming?

Maybe. All right, let's do it.

I'm like, oh, my God, it's happening.

He [bleep]s up, that's what he does.

[phone dings] Oh, my God.

Nicole just sent a picture.

Oh, wow. He's sitting next to her in the cab.

"Another French Fry," she says. Uh-oh.

Does anybody know if we have automatic door shutters

in the house or not?

About to find out.

Beautiful. Want me to show you the house?

Yeah.

This is Vinny and Pauly's.

This is us.

That was a good time.

Hmm.

Gonna give her a tour?

[guys laughing]

You wanna see the house?

I'd love to. All right.

This is the bathroom.

I wonder if this door works.

Just give her a tour.

If the door shuts, it shuts, [bleep] it. [laughing]

Only live once, bro. [bleep] it.

Mm-hmm.

[bleep]in' be happy, bro.

Door's got shutters, bro.

[Vinny] Yeah, bro.

It's good for business. Yeah.

The door business. Hate you guys.

[laughing]

I'm pretty sure everyone thinks that

this is gonna be a French Fry moment.

And it's like, listen, I'm not spiraling like that...yet.

[Vinny] There you go.

Oh!Oh! Yeah!

It's happening.

[Pauly] Jewish Barbie, pass the gefilte fish.

[Vinny laughing]

Who do you think the cutest one of all three of them?

I don't know, they're kinda all cute in their own way.

If you had to choose like, one that you would eff,

marry, or get rid of.

Eff, marry, get rid of.

Um, I feel like I would

get rid of Mike,

marry Pauly D,

and eff Ronnie.

Oh, my God. Ron is [bleep]ed.

I think I'm gonna go swimming.

Swimming? Mm-hmm.

Mmm. There you go, the Jacuzzi.

Good move, yeah. The hot tub back there.Yeah.

And it just so happens to be on,

that's weird. [laughs]

We're kinda like joking around with Ronnie about like giving

the tour and bustin' his ba*ls, making fun of him.

But the man is like, considering it.

[Ronnie laughing]

He's like, "I know I'm gonna do this, it sucks."

He's like, "I can't help it."

We thought that like he was gonna be like, guys,

you guys are crazy, I'm going to bed.

He's like laughing like, oh, God, like what am I gonna do?

This is bad. Mm-hm.

Where'd you go?

Just eating.

What were you eating?

Pizza.

Pizza? Yeah.

You guys love pizza.

Did you have pepperoni pizza? Yeah.

I love pizza too.

You're really feeling this blue thing going on, right?

Yeah. I like that color on you.

I do too, it's really nice.

[Angelina] Oh, God.

Honestly, I really did think that Lindsay

was gonna wind up with Vinny or Pauly.

Like, that's the only reason why Lindsay

actually came back to the house?

Um, I'm confused, and I don't know what the [bleep] is going

on at this point.

Nice hair, Ronald.

It's [bleep]ed up, huh?Yeah.

[Lindsay] Are we gonna go in the Jacuzzi?

Oh, my God. I can't stay up that much longer.

[Ronnie] I'll go in the pool. All right.

I mean, might as well 'cause I'm here.

[inhaling] Yeah.

Jen ain't gonna like this.

[Angelina] She's gonna put her bathing suit on.

Oh, we're going in the pool? Aw, cute.

[Lindsay] I feel like we should. You only live once.

Yeah, let's do it.

[whispering] The bathing suit's going on,

he's not gonna be able to resist.

[exhaling] I think I should go to bed.

[laughing]

That voice inside me.

"Go to bed."

[Mike] Man, we got a situation.

Women in hot tubs are Ronnie's kryptonite, okay?

When Jewish Barbie comes out with her bathing suit,

Ronnie will be left powerless.

[Jenni] Oh, hello, Ronaldo.

Hi.

[Angelina] Ronald, where's your bathing suit?

I'm waiting for her to put her bathing suit on.

Just gonna come off anyway. Heh, heh.

[Vinny laughing]

Oh, my God, this is crazy.

[bleep]ing hate you all.

Listen, I've seen a lot of girls in bathing suits,

seen a lotta girls without bathing suits.

So another girl in a bathing suit isn't really that tempting.

And I'm, you know, not gonna go down that road again.

[Angelina] Lindsay, where'd you go?

[all clamoring] Yes!

[Jenni] Yes!

Nah, I can't, I'm going to bed.

[Pauly] Ronnie's blushing.

I'm dead.

I'm dead, dead.

Ronnie is getting a weird look in his eye around Jewish Barbie.

I know this look.

Usually that leads to bad decisions.

Like, this is not good.

Who's getting in the hot tub?

I'll go, I guess.

Ronnie's just gonna check the water to make sure it's...

[Nicole laughing] Can you make sure... Make sure it's wet.

Go put your condom-- I mean bathing suit on. [all laughing]

Mmm, what's your prediction?

I don't know.

[whining] What's happening?

Oh, it's beautiful out here.

This is what I need in life.

Oh, that's so nice.

Is it cold? No, it's so nice.

Yo, didn't he learn from the first time in Miami

that this has happened?

French Fry? God!

Oh, my God, she's getting in. She's getting in.

[Pauly] This is crazy, dude.

Ronnie, did you not see what Ronnie went through in Miami?

How could you do that again?

What the [bleep] is he doing?

How [bleep]ing dumb can you be?

This girl's gonna drag him through another car ride.

So, you're still not single yet.

Uh...

You have to be happy.

Oh, wait, wait. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

[Nicole] What? She's inching closer.

I'm like this-- just in awe.

Like my man is going through with this.

He's about to make a matzo ball soup in the hot tub.

This is bad.

This is really bad.

I've been single for like three and a half years.

You? How's that?

I just haven't met the right guy yet.

This is wild.

It's like a car crash, I can't look away.

Ronnie is playing with fire right now.

He is the only one that's entertaining Angelina's friend

Jewish Barbie, and I don't think that Mrs. Tater's

gonna be happy about this.

Wait, wait, I think they're going into the Jacuzzi.

[Mike] No!Yo!

[Nicole] Well, yeah, they have their bathing suits...

Yo, they're going into the Jacuzzi. [Pauly] What do you mean?

I thought they were in the Jacuzzi.

No, they were in the pool. [Mike] They were in the pool.

The [bleep]'s the difference?

The Jacuzzi's like-- like ratchet time.

Weren't you guys in the Jacuzzis with French Fry?

♪♪

Ooh!

And his excuse was there was a lot of people in there.

It was a party, which I still think's cheating.

[Nicole] He's cheating. But listen,

I'm from a different time zone.

Era. Era. [Jenni]Era.

I mean, it's the same thing as Miami all over again.

This is such deja vu that I feel like they named deja vu

after this moment.

[Vinny] Oh, my God, she's taking off the shawl.

She's taking off the shawl, she's in the bikini.

Oh, my God, she's getting in.

She's getting in. She's inching in.

[Jenni laughing] What the [bleep], Vin?

She's inching in. She's in! [Pauly] He's done!

She's in the hot tub. Oh, my God.

Vin! [bleep].

Vin, go [bleep]ing masturbate.

[all laughing]

It's nice, right?

It is relaxing.

We gotta get these jets on.

Jenni-- Jenni and Nicole.

If your significant other was in a Jacuzzi

with another person that was the opposite sex

at : a.m. alone. Cheating, yes or no?

Oh, it's cheating. Cheating, [bleep] yourself.

Tater Tot would not be happy about this.

[Nicole] Oh, God. [Pauly] Bro, are you kidding me?

I wouldn't let Vinny be in a Jacuzzi alone with another man.

Why would you go in the Jacuzzi with Angelina's friend?

Why?

You're only setting yourself up to get destroyed.

You're gonna get k*lled. Your baby mama is crazy.

[phone dings] Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What?

Who?

What's that? Who's that?

It says Jen...

Ron's baby mama is currently texting me 'cause she can't get

a hold of Ron 'cause he's in the hot tub with another girl.

I don't know what to do.

[Nicole] Who is that? Oh, my God.

Why are you talking to her? I'm not answering that.

[Pauly] She's gonna k*ll him.

There's a girl like trying to get a hold of her man

that is about to cheat on her, again.

I know, but he's our friend.

Of course.

But friends can still be dicks...

Ron, get your [bleep] together.

Friends can still be dicks.

Ron, stop cheating.

He is a good guy... He's a great guy.

he is just a bag of dicks in a relationship.

He's a bag of [bleep]ing dicks.

He needs to be single.

Yeah, we need Single Ronnie so he can do this...

He is Single Ronnie right now.

[Angelina] What do you think he's saying to her right now?

I am the president and CEO of the I'm [bleep]ed Foundation.

This is so bad.

Ron's gonna need to change his name,

his age, his nationality,

his social security.

He's gonna have to be legit Puerto Rican Jesus

in Puerto Rico.

I--I can't-- I can't understand what goes on in that man's mind.

Bro, this man is a legend.

I mean yeah, like, this is just shocking to me.

Like I wanna be upset about it.

But at the same time I'm like, I can't believe this man.

This man is a savage.

History books are gonna be written about Savage Ronnie.

That's a sick tattoo.

That one? I mean, all of them.

I like tattoos, yeah.

Okay, he's moving around now. There's movement.

Oh, my God. I'm watching.

[Mike] Pass the mother[bleep] popcorn.

[Jenni] Do not open that door, don't open it!

Wait, don't, don't, don't!

I feel like they can see in.

Yeah, because of the lights. Yeah.

[Pauly] You have any camo? Maybe.

It's already happening, and if we even try to intervene,

he'd probably be pissed, so might as well just watch.

[Angelina whispering] I got camos on guys.

Oh, she put her camo on. I meant black.

It's dark. I put camouflage on.

We're not going hunting for deer.

Do you think they see us?

[Pauly] No, she's camo.

Oh, they're crawling.

Mike, Mike, look.

Come on.

Duck down.

See that?

Oh, you have popcorn? Shh!

Yes.Gimme that!

I mean, Ronnie's definitely digging his own grave right now,

but we are enjoying the show.

I mean, this is better than anything that would be on TV right now.

This guy is epic.

The name of this movie is called "I Cheated."

He is the dumbest mother[bleep]er

I've ever seen in life. [Pauly] I know.

Yeah, I know.

Like, dude, what are you-- This is the second time.

He did the exact same thing, and he got ran over for it.

Let's get out, come on.

[Pauly] Oh, he's coming.

He's coming out?Mm-hmm.

He's leaving. Oh!

Thank you, you're so sweet.

She's looking. Shut up!

Duck down.

He's definitely gonna [bleep] her.

[Lindsay] This house is gorge. I love it.

Yeah.

I cannot even believe what I'm seeing right now.

Ronnie's Tours is back in business.

[Mike] Go back, go back, go back, go.

Grab the popcorn. Grab the popcorn.

It's happening right now.

Ronnie's gonna cheat in five...

Thank you.

Four...

Three...

Two...

One.

[Ronnie] Oh, man.

[chuckles]