02x15 - Pork Roll or Taylor Ham?

[bunniefuu]

Get over yourself.

Stop talking to me!

[Jenni] The flirting between Vinny and Angelina is over,

and [bleep]'s getting real.

[bleep] you, Vinny. You're still talking about me.

The baby's fine but, you know, I just--

I just think it might be better for me not to live in the house.

[Nicole] I totally get it because I was pregnant once.

But, like, selfish me is like, come on, girl.

[Vinny] He hopped in the cab.

[Pauly] Oh, my God.

She's taking off the shawl. She's in the bikini.

Oh, my God! She's getting in.

The same thing as Miami all over again.

Yeah.

Ronnie's Tours is back in business.

Oh, man. And there goes my life.

♪ Here I come ♪

Yeah, buddy.

Party's here.

The Situation is under construction.

This might not have been the best idea.

We're so classy now.

On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

Get the frig out of here, you crazy.

♪ Here I come ♪♪

♪♪

Like, dude, what are you-- This is the second time.

He did the exact same thing and he got ran over for it.

He got ran over a couple of months ago for this.

Ronnie is definitely digging his own grave right now

with Jewish Barbie.

And I feel like it's almost French Fry all over again.

Yeah, let's go back inside. He's totally gonna [bleep] her.

But I'm going to sleep and I'm just gonna find out

what happens tomorrow.

All right, good night.

[sighs]

Time for bed.

How could he want to do this?

[Mike] Yo, like, it's happening.

Looks like Ronnie is playing with fire right now.

[shower running]

[Ronnie sighs]

[belches]

[Ronnie] I've got Lindsay in bed with me and I'm just like,

It doesn't look good right now.

♪♪

I'm, you know, not gonna go down that road again.

♪ Everybody always talkin' ♪

♪ Talkin' 'bout how I'm livin' ♪

♪ I'ma make my decisions ♪

♪ On my own ♪

♪ When you on the ground and kickin'... ♪♪

I just need a little space right now

to figure out how I feel.

[cell phone dinging]

♪ Heck yeah, in time it'll all be clear ♪

♪ We can all let go of fear ♪ [cell phone dings]

♪ Let the anger disappear... ♪

♪ Tonight... ♪

Was he trying to hook up with you? No.

He's not gonna try to hook up with me.

He has, like, a girlfriend.

♪♪

♪ Tonight... ♪

He ain't gonna be in a relationship after this, that's for sure.

♪ Beep, beep ♪

♪ Bop, bop ♪♪

♪♪

So you had fun though?

[Jenni] He tried?

He said blatantly that he wanted her

to sleep in his bed.

Did he try to insinuate, or, like...?

Not at all. He was so sweet.

[Jenni] Not at all?

No. That's nice.

Hearing what happened last night,

I'm actually shocked.

'Cause I thought it was gonna be so much worse.

And I'm like, oh, wow, Ron is growing up.

Oh, oh, she was just talking about

how respectful and nice you are.

Who me? Yeah.

Thank you.

How many hours of sleep did you get?

[Ronnie] Uhhh, none.

What?

You didn't sleep? Nuh-uh.

Wow.

Apparently, I'm single. Huh?

Apparently, I'm single.

How? Why?

'Cause she's crazy.

Oh, no.

[Ronnie] She's just very disrespectful.

Telling me, "I can't wait to find a guy

to raise your child the way you can't."

Sending me screenshots

of [bleep] Sam and her new boyfriend.

And, like, "That's how happy I'm going to be next year

when I find somebody."

Like, super disrespectful, yeah.

[Jenni] This [bleep] is insane.

Ron's relationship with Jen

is way worse than I ever pictured it.

It's unhealthy.

You need to just be single.

Yeah, I think so.

[Angelina] Jen sending Ron those text messages

is probably the worst thing I've ever heard.

It's toxic. It's terrible. Screw that b*tch.

Do you wanna walk her out with me? Sure, why not?

I feel like Single Ronnie, but not Single Ronnie

where I wanna bang chicks and be like Pauly and Vinny,

but Single Ronnie as to a point where

I need to have some kind of self-respect for myself.

Bye. It was very nice hanging out.

I'll talk to you soon. Okay, sounds good.

So, Single Ronnie means that I'm trying to just do what--

I gotta do what's best for me.

And right now, that's taking a step back

and reevaluating all the [bleep] that's happened to me

and the [bleep] that's gonna happen to me in the future.

I don't know how the hell I'm up right now.

How are you up?

Oh, from all that drama?Yeah.

She was saying [bleep] up [bleep].

I was like, yeah...

She just starts to say anything

that she knows is gonna hurt me.

Yeah, that's gonna really hurt you.

And she knows how I feel about the baby,

so she knows the second she says something like that,

I get like...

Why would she send you pictures of, like,

Sam with, like, her boyfriend?

That's hitting, like, low. Like, real low.

Yeah. That's like me saying, "Oh, yeah, well, I was...

"Okay, well, yeah? Well, I was with Angelina's friend

last night and I coulda [bleep] her and I didn't."

Like, I would never say that. You know what I mean?

It's just [bleep] super disrespectful.

You know? It's like... Yeah.

I feel bad for Ronnie, because I do feel like

anybody that says such a mean, hurtful thing,

like, I could never be in a relationship with that person.

Look, I don't like being single either, you know?

I'm not gonna stay with someone that says,

"I'm gonna find the guy that's gonna raise

your daughter better than you," you know?

Yeah.

No. I think I'm gonna get a place in Cali again.

Are you? Yeah.

Why Cali? It's closer to Vegas.

See the baby, and stuff. Oh.

I don't want to stay there.

I've decided that I'm finally gonna take a step back from Jen.

And I think that it's best that if I'm just by myself,

you know, and worrying about my daughter.

It's been [bleep] a rough year.

And I think I'm getting to a point where I have

to remove myself from a toxic situation itself,

and just try to get my life back on track.

Think it's better off we don't communicate for a while.

You know? Oh, my God.

♪ We've been driftin' ♪

♪ We've been driftin' a long time ♪

♪ Fear I only find you ♪

♪ When there's nothing to lose ♪

♪♪

♪ Skies are clear... ♪

♪ Probably better off alone ♪

♪♪

♪♪

Anyone talk to Deena?

What do we gotta do to get her here?

I think we should kidnap her.

[Jenni screaming] [Nicole gasping]

Merp. Merp. [yelping]

I finally gave him the sex. I was sore for like a week.

She just wants to be pounded out.

[Pauly] Vinny's right here.

Vinny's face is priceless.

♪♪

Wanna go out here? Yeah.

So, what happened?

So this morning he tells me that he's single.

The reason why him and Jen are done is because

she's disrespectful to him because she's started

sending him pictures of Sammi and her new man, saying,

"Oh, well, this is how I'm gonna be.

I'm gonna be happy. You're a piece of [bleep]."

Blah, blah, blah, whatever he was saying.

Oh, that's what that was. Oh, [bleep].

Okay, you just cleared that up.

[Pauly] Jen sending him those screenshots, holy [bleep].

That's not right. You can't do that.

He explained to me that he is single.

And he's gonna stay single. And he, um...

All right, then what he did, was nothing wrong with it.

Yo, their relationship changes as fast as the weather.

I definitely feel bad for Ronnie,

but he needs to get his house in order.

'Cause one minute he's single and the next minute he's taken.

The next minute he's IFF, I'm [bleep] Foundation.

And the next minute, Ronnie's on a Ronpage.

I'm going to come back to you on this balcony tomorrow,

and he's gonna be like, "I love her..." "I love her..."

..."and I still love Sammi." "That's my girl.

That's my baby mom." [laughing]

Yeah, I mean, like, this is one event after another,

like serious events.

I'm thinking that Jen is the black cloud

Ronnie needs to get out of his life.

Weather in Manalapan today is cloudy

with % chance of Ronnie's tears.

My boy's gonna cry today.

[laughing] Yo, you cold as [bleep], son.

♪♪

[Mike] Yeah, I think it's time for breakfasts.

Ooh, I got some breakfast sausages right here.

We got eggs too, we'll be straight.

Oh, my God, I don't feel good.

[huffs]

That sausage is cooking beautifully right now.

We don't have Taylor Ham?

[Mike] What do you call it?

Taylor Ham. It's the best.

Oh, my God. You mean Pork Roll?

Oh, God. [Pauly] Ooh-hoo-hoo!

[laughing] You mean Pork Roll.

Let the debate start.

Taylor Ham. [Pauly] Oh!

It's Pork Roll. Oh!

Calm down. [Pauly] Ay, ay...

It's Taylor Ham.

[Mike] There is no such thing.

So there's a very, very, very important question

when it comes to Jersey Shore:

Is it Taylor Ham or Pork Roll?

And I'm not taking a side. I will not do it,

because these people take this [bleep] serious.

When I go to the store, I say "Pork Roll, egg, and cheese."

I don't say "Taylor Ham, egg, and cheese."

Never heard that.

Taylor Ham, egg, and cheese, yeah.

You really go to the store and say

"I want a Taylor Ham, egg, and cheese?"

Yes. Do you want me to call Jionni?

I've never-- Taylor Ham.

Pork Roll, egg, and cheese.

It sounds-- It just comes off the tongue really nice.

[Mike] I don't know what the [bleep] Taylor Ham is.

When it comes to right and wrong,

it's definitely not Taylor Ham.

It's over for you. Pork Roll.

North Jersey, they say Taylor Ham.

Ooh... [Mike] Okay, all right.

It's probably a North Jersey thing.

The people from Jersey are divided, okay,

from North Jersey to South Jersey.

And people from North Jersey say "Taylor Ham."

And people from South Jersey say "Pork Roll."

And I say Pork Roll.

Yes--It says Taylor Ham on the package.

It doesn't say Pork Roll.

It says Pork Roll in my areas.

Ew.

Where are you from? Utah?

I live in Central, okay?

And out here in these streets... So annoying.

...we say Pork Roll, egg, and cheese.

It says Taylor Ham on the package.

No, no, it is Pork Roll. I have to go on the Internet.

I never seen people so passionate about ham.

It's just ham.

It says Taylor Pork Roll.

You see, there is no Taylor Ham in here.

It says-- it says Pork Roll. Taylor!

Taylor Pork Roll. Yes.

It's a remix. We both win.

[Nicole] Taylor Ham, Pork Roll, it's the same [bleep] thing.

I mean, I don't give a [bleep] as long as it's good

and it's in my belly, that's all I care about.

All right, so we still didn't solve the debate.

This is like an ongoing thing that'll never be solved.

Like an unsolved mystery.

It's like the status of Ronnie's relationship.

Unsolved. [all laughing]

Operation: Kidnap Deener.

It's going down. Charlie is everywhere.

I am currently hiding on a slide.

I have swamp a*s, copy.

I'm on the wrong channel.

[all] We're coming for you.

[evil laughing]

[laughter intensifies]

♪♪

That's so cool.

[Nicole] Thanks for cooking, guys.

[Mike] Of course. [Angelina] Thank you.

Well, I had such a fun night with you guys last night.

That was fun.

Single Ronnie.

I guarantee that they'll be back together today.

[Vinny] He just has two modes,

and it's just single or taken.

Well, each has one common goal: bad decisions.

[laughter]

Ronnie's a rollercoaster.

His relationships are a rollercoaster.

Single. I'm not single. I'm single. I'm not single.

I'm single. I'm not single. I can't keep up.

It's like the weather in New England, it changes.

Has anyone talked to Deena?

No? She should be here.

Like, we're not in, like, Vegas,

we're not at a hotel,

we're in a nice, warm home.

[Vinny] I do miss Deena. I mean,

she's a meatball, you know what I mean?

She raises the spirits, and especially

having Angelina here with us, like, I feel the void even more.

What do we gotta do to get her here?

I think we should kidnap her.

[Vinny]Really? Yeah.

If we all show up, she's not gonna say no.

We need, like, codenames. To write Chris a ransom note.

Get like a van

and a sheet to throw over her head.

Throw her in the van.

I feel like we should knock on the door.

With doughnuts.

Taser g*ns.

Like, a bouquet of flowers.

I'll just [bleep] tackle her and put her in the van.

Yeah, [bleep], with a sheet.

[Jenni] The boys are being a little extreme

when it comes to kidnapping Deena.

We need, like, rope.

We need, like, [bleep] zip ties.

The meatball is having a meatball.

We don't want her to have it too early

by scaring the poop out of her.

Oh, these are the best bags right here.

Oh, [bleep]. We can throw these right over her head.

I'm assuming that these belong to Angelina.

'Cause obviously, Angelina just has, like,

an unlimited stock of trash bags.

We're going to go into the house, right...

I'll be Deena like, "Mmm, merp, mep. Mmm, merp, mep...

Merp, merp. Merp, merp. Merp, merp, merp, merp.

[high-pitched] Ah!

She's pregnant.

[high-pitched] Ahh!

So many levels of wrong. So many le--

Everything you don't do to a pregnant person.

We'll definitely bring these.

Oh, yeah. [Nicole] God...

Yeah, we definitely need supplies.

Let's look around. What do we got? All right, yeah.

A stud finder. Ooh, I found one.

[both laughing]

Pantyhose?

Those are Angeliners.

We got walkies. Oh, nice!

Go for me, Ketosis.

Yeah, what status you have over there?

Look at Nicole's nose. [all laughing]

Her nose is like this.

Her lips are smushed up like this. It's hilarious.

I think I have my mask on wrong.Same.

All right, so we need a ransom note.

Yes. Oh! Found a "D."

[Pauly] It's a good time for the guys

to write a note this time

'cause the girls wrote so many notes in the past.

"Ron put his head in-between

a c*ck waitress's breasts."

[Nicole] "Boing."

"We have Deena. If you ever want to see

"your pregnant meatball again, call the duck phone

and give us million."

I don't know what this...?

And some deli meats.

I don't know... Mike, I think

we can leave that out, we don't need deli meats.

Or... chicken nuggets,

or-- and/or fries and burgers.

[Pauly] Let's pack up the van. I'm gonna load up

some snacks in case we need some.

When you go to do some kidnapping,

you bring some snacks with you.

What makes this kidnapping official?

[Nicole]Snacks? Snacks.

It's obviously the snacks.

Some Italians. Bit of soppressata.

I got some burratas here.

I see a good moozadell right there,

and it just puts a smile to my face.

[Mike] I'll be honest with you, when you have

all these amazing foods, that's when you know

you're gonna have a situation.

We have supplies, check.

We're going full-on "Mission: Impossible."

It's going down. Charlie is everywhere.

Charlie is everywhere.

Snooki's on the playground. I'm on the wrong channel.

You can never go wrong with Italian bread.

I have swamp a*s, copy.

I am currently hiding on a slide.

Stealth.

[laughing] Anyone have eyes on Ron?

Should we bring a-a Ronnie?

No, he'll-- ruin it. No.

Yeah. [Mike]Yeah.

Let's roll out, guys. Operation: Kidnap Deener.

Full effect. Yes, queen.

Kidnap a pregnant meatball.

Oh, yeah! Kidnap Deena, yeah.

[all] We're coming for you.

[evil laughter]

[laughter intensifies]

[Pauly] You can run, but you can't hide.

[maniacal laughter]

♪♪

[Jenni] We're technically kidnapping two people.

Deener and Baby Deener.

Yeah. Baby Meatball.

Today we are going to be kidnappers

because it's just not the same without Deener.

So we just want to kidnap her, get her into the car,

so she can be roommates with us again.

She's gonna k*ll us. She's probably gonna cry.

'Cause it's Deena.

She's gonna kick and scream.

Snooki for Pauly.

Go for Keto Guido.

We're pulling up to the destination.

Us as well. Remain low-key.

I repeat, remain low-key. [walkie-talkie beeping]

[Mike] Spotted Deener's car.

She is confirmed to be home.

Bit hungrys right now.

Pauly D for Jenni. [walkie-talkie beeping]

Just wondering what our plan of attack is gonna be here.

Leave the salami plate at the front.

Leave the doorbell... Ring the doorbell.

And then have everyone else jump the fence in the back

and go through her sliding glass door.

Copy that. Mike's eating.

[laughing]

[Jenni] All right, let's go.

Wait, wait, wait, where you going with the salamis?

Give me a little piece. Give me a little piece.

Oh, God, Michael. Which one do you want?

Yeah, a little soppressata. Okay.

We're really nice, I promise.

We're just kidnapping Deena. Play it cool.

Don't mind us.

We're all, like, dressed in in our ski masks and bandanas.

We look like a crazy Guido g*ng right now

in the suburbs of New Jersey.

I want this to go smoothly,

but we got a bunch of chooches in this house, all right?

Hopefully, nothing goes wrong.

Angelina, go, go. Red Team, go.

Copy, ringing the doorbell now.

[Pauly] We are at the meatball factory.

[walkie-talkie beeping] [Angelina] Going now.

[doorbell rings]

Where do I go? [Nicole] Move! Get over here!

Go, go, go, go!

Go! Just go!

What the [bleep]?

[all screaming]

You're coming with us. Ma'am, let's go!

Help me! Come on!

You're coming with us. Get over here.

What the [bleep]? [laughing]

You are coming with us,

and there's nothing you can do about it.

You are all [bleep] crazy. Come on, girl.

What is happening? Like, you guys are crazy.

You're coming with us. [Nicole] Come on.

Someone get the ransom note.Hi.

Why are you always dressed like a creep?

They are just so dramatic.

Like, dressing up like frickin' crazies.

I'm, like, I can't. And Vinny with the stocking.

They're so stupid.

Oh, my God. It's a beautiful,

beautiful, beautiful house.

And it's so clean. And you have your own room.

It's beautiful. You have a really nice room,

really nice bathroom, spotless.

And you said it's close, so if I don't feel good...

We're gonna take you right homes.

It's not even that far. Okay.

[all cheering]

[Nicole] Yay! We kidnapped her.

The kidnapping worked. Deena's coming with us.

Thank God. It's like, I need my meatball.

Did anybody do sex in my bed?

[Pauly] Nobody touched your bed.

[crosstalk]

No, Ronnie almost did last night, but no.

You have your-- Can you not ruin this?

Yeah, why is he not-- What happened?

He's supposedly single now.

My girlfriend came out last night, and then, boom.

It was-- They were in the Jacuzzi together, like, alone.

What is he? A [bleep] moron?

It's wild. No, it's bad. I don't get it.

She's still the mother of your kid, let it chill for a minute.

If you're gonna break up, do it civilly.

And you don't need to rush into a girl,

like the first time you've seen [bleep].

[laughter] You understand?

There's a baby here.

He's about to see [bleep] for the first time.

Oh, my-- Deener! [all laughing]

Stop packing my bag.

[Deena] Like, what goes on in Ron's life?

I don't know if I can handle all this drama sober.

We have packed the bag, Deeners.

We're ready to go. How many weeks are we now?

Uh, .

[Nicole] I love how you popped.

Hey, you and Mike got the same stomach now.

[all] Oh!

That's besmudgeries right there.

♪ Oh, no, oh, no ♪

♪ Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no ♪

♪ Oh, no, oh, no ♪

♪ Oh, no, no, no, no, no ♪♪

[Deena] This is it? [Nicole] Yep.

Ooh, pretty.

Now this is a house. [Nicole] We're fancy.

It's a house.

Oh, it's so pretty. Nicest house we've had.

Oh, yes. I like it.

This is our chair.

Deena, welcome to our home.

Kinda smells garbagy in here though.

Eh...

You can smell everything.

I have a sensitive nose.

I can smell things, like, for miles away.

This house smells like garbage. Definitely a shore house.

You're the room that says "Meatball On Board."

Oh, I love it.

[Pauly] Get it? Cause you have a meatball on board.

Did you get the sign? Yeah.

Oh, very nice. Do you like it?

No, I love it.

Do you feel comfortable? Yes, I do.

And I love it. They have, like, a little "Meatball On Board" sign.

I have, like, this cute little room with my own bathroom.

And they made sure no one was coming into my room

while I wasn't here, and it's just sweet.

It just means a lot to me, and I love it.

Oh, Ron's sleeping? Hi, Ron.

Is he alive? [Nicole] Oh, my God.

Is he alive? He's still sleeping.

He's still sleeping. Check if he's breathing.

[Jenni] What is on his pillow?

Do you wanna get up?

[Jenni] Deena's here.

It's :.

Ron's still sleeping. He's not saying a word.

Dude, Deena's here. Get your [bleep] together.

Yeah? It's crazy.

We don't know how to handle Ronnie right now.

We've all given him our all.

I tried a little bit of tough love.

I tried talking [bleep] to him.

Like, it didn't work. I don't know all the answers.

I can sit back and tell him what I think he should do

but he just doesn't absorb any kind of advice.

[Vinny] Did anyone tap him? Is he alive?

[Angelina] He's drooling on his pillow. Yeah.

I said hi, he didn't hear me, I don't think.

[Angelina] This roller-coaster of Ronnie's is just terrible.

You know, it's like he doesn't wanna wake up

from this nightmare it almost seems like.

[Nicole sighs]

[Ronnie coughs] [Angelina] Oh, my God.

This relationship with Jen right now is making Ron really sick.

[Jenni whispering] He's still in bed.

Oh, that's not right.

[Nicole] We don't know what to do right now.

It's like, "Hello, are you alive?"

Like, I don't know what's going on.

Poor thing. He's dying.

♪ Turn my music up ♪

♪ Turn my music up... ♪

[Pauly through megaphone] Oh, swing that, Deena, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Missed you. Missed you, too.

All right, guys, let's go eat

Italian dinner tonight for Deena.

Yass! We're going Italian, Osteria.

Oh, my God! I love that place.

[Mike] We love that place, yes.

Osteria is one of the nicest places in the area

to do a little Italian fine dining situation.

Yo, fam. Mm?

We're going to this really nice Italian restaurant.

Like, the best in the areas...

...if you wanna get dressed and showered maybe?

That's a big zeroes? All right.

Thank you. All right, no problem.

[Ronnie] I need to just lay down, regroup, recharge,

and go through my own process.

I love the help that I'm getting from my roommates,

but I do like to go through my things in my own way.

You know, some people wanna go out and laugh and joke.

Me, I'd rather get in my own feelings,

make a decision, and that's it.

You ready? Well, the good thing is...

What? He's being supportive.

Who?

My husband. Well, good.

"Have fun tonight. k*ll it."

Guys. Can't live with them, but you can't live without 'em.

I'm going l*sbian. Heh!

Yeah, she's moving in with me.

[Angelina] My grandmother is psychic.

Do you know what she said to me?

"I'm sensing somebody is in talks for a divorce."

What'd she say?

She sees in the future

Jenni and Roger getting divorced.

Well, I mean, I always talk about it.

Nicole always talks about it...

[Angelina] Yeah, but like even just talking about it a little bit,

my grandmother, like, knew, isn't that crazy?

I don't understand what's going on between her and Roger,

but to be honest with you, I don't hear her talking

about Roger that much.

I don't know what the future holds for her.

But, I mean, look, my grandmother is a psychic,

and she knows what the hell the future holds.

When did I not say that?

That's what I'm saying. Like, welcome to relationships.

It's a marriage.Yeah.

My grandmother does say some crazy a*s [bleep], though.

Yeah, she does.

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree now, does it?

[Nicole] Mmm.

[Pauly] What the-- [laughing]

What are you gonna iron with that, baby clothes?

Yo, can you stop making fun of my little iron, bro?

♪ You are a chooch ♪

You're just a hater.

[Pauly] What is this guy doing with this little chooch iron?

Where's Paula? He needs his mom.

I just found a nail over here.

Is this yours? Mm-mmm. Not mine.

How is it-- How is it mine?

It's not mine.

[nail clipper clicking] Get some shrapnel.

[chuckling]

Bro, are you [bleep] kidding me?

You [bleep] dirty [bleep]!

[laughing] That was a big one!

[bleep] gigantic.

When was the last time you cut your nails, bro?

I love Pauly, but I don't [bleep]

with his toenail clippings, that has to stop.

Bro, you'll be there for, like, four hours with that iron.

Nah, bro. "Irony" does the [bleep] good job.

What a chooch.

Look at the baby bump.

[Pauly] The cabs are here!

Is it? Yeah, let's roll out.

Yo, Ron! Cabs are here.

♪♪

♪ Take me all the way... ♪

[through megaphone] Cabs are here, cabs are here!

Cabs are here, cabs are here!

Cabs are here, cabs are here!

♪ Everything... ♪

Oh, yeah, the cabs are here.

So, Ron's really, like, a [bleep] mess.

[Deena] I'm, like, super sad Ron's not with us, but this is like

"Deena's back at the shore," so I just can't wait

to eat some good Italian food and just have a good time.

And I haven't really been out in a long time, so I'm excited.

Can't believe Deeners is here. Deener.

We're always missing one, though, now.

[Deena] I know. [Nicole]I know.

A little light. Ron's lost.

I had to, like, check if he was breathing

'cause he wasn't moving.

Did he talk to you at all today, Dee?

Like, when you got there? No.

He was crying under his pillow.

Really? He was crying?Crying?

How do you know? I could tell.

It's getting scary now. [Pauly] Yep.

[Nicole] I'm worried as a friend. Like, seeing him

with all this drama, and me not knowing what's going on.

It's like, "Hello! Are you alive?

Like, I don't know what's going on."

I don't know what to do, but I'm not gonna

give up on the kid, he needs family.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Look at my man. He turned it around.

That's what I'm saying. This could be him.

This guy is a pleasure to be around now.

This could be him. You can take what you're given,

and you can either react positively or negatively.

Yes.

I would do anything

for a Ron and Sam fight right now.

[laughing]

[Vinny] We really miss Ronnie.

We wish that he could be part of family dinner.

But I'm kind of liking this right now,

because this empty chair is a barricade between

me and Angelina, and I don't wanna sit next to her.

Hi, Vinny!

Yes. How you doing, Mike?

Yo, he really hasn't talked

to Angelina in, like, six months.

[chuckling]

Pauly, can you tell your wife to be nice to me now?

He doesn't wanna speak to me. Yeah, Vinny,

what's the deal with you and Angelina?

You guys have some sexual tension.

Like, what is up? Yeah, just give her the "D".

'Cause that's where I was born and raised in, Detroit.

Vinny stone will not talk to this woman.

They have some Staten Island tension.

They need to have sex and get it over with.

You should make out with him.

Seriously.

Shut up. No, I don't think she is.

Wait, let me look at her. Oh, yeah, kind of.

Wait, look at me.

Did you get your teeth done?

Yeah, no, I think they're nice.

I like 'em.

Eff off! Oh, my God!

Do you have no bra on?

[Angelina laughing]

Wait. He is really, like, looking at her tonight.

"Did you get your teeth done? Do you have no bra on?"

Angelina, what we was saying--

[utensils clatter]

Drink your wine, Pauly. [laughing]

I'm gonna spill it on you. He knows how to shut me up.

As Vinny's husband, I will give him a hall pass for Angelina,

provided he washes down there

times with hand sanitizer.

You guys should bang.

Listen, if you wanna touch 'em, just let me know.

[laughing] [Deena] You're like--

I mean, they're brand-new, spanking new.

Nobody-- And you know what? I gotta be honest with you.

Chris hasn't even touched them.

[Pauly] Wh-wh-what?!

He hasn't touched your boobs yet?

What?! Jionni [bleep] mine like a little baby.

You had them chicks for, like, a couple of months now,

and he hasn't touched 'em since then? No.

Why?! [Pauly] Does anybody else

see a problem? That's crazy.

Does anybody else see an issue?

He hasn't had sex with her since April.

Has he had sex with you,

or just hasn't grabbed your boobs since April?

All right, let me be very honest and vocal.

Can I be vocal, or am I-- Or are people gonna judge?

No one's judging. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

So, me and Chris, we've known each other so many years, right?

So, he invited me out to some pool party.

I was so drunk, I went back to his apartment.

I finally gave in and I gave him the sex.

But he was like pound--

Like, it was like, I was sore for, like, a week.

Vinny's face is priceless.

And literally... Whoa!

...after that I never, ever, ever saw that again.

I'm like, "What happened to that night?"

Like, you never did that as crazy."

Wait, so you haven't had sex with him since that night?

Damn!

No, no, no. We did,

but it was never as, like, intense and, like, like...

Oh! [Angelina] Like that.

And I'm just like...

He's, like, intrigued over here.

This is crazy to me.

Now do you have sex? We do, but it's like--

I'm just-- I go on top, bom bom bom.

[Deena] Bom bom bom. [Mike] Bom bom bom.

And then it's like, boom, done. And then sometimes,

I don't even do it because he does it quick.

He's like, "I told you not to move that fast."

[laughing] I'm like-- But I'm like, I don't know what to do.

This is awesome. [laughing]

♪ Angelina hasn't gotten pounded in a long time ♪

♪ Angelina hasn't gotten pounded in a long time ♪

She just wants to be pounded out.

Yo, she just wants to be-- Yo.

I just wanna get pounded, and I just get pounded out.

[Pauly] Vinny's right here.

[laughing]

Close your ears!

Like this!

[Pauly] She said she couldn't walk for three days.

He laid the pipe strong that night.

[laughing] Ooh!

[Angelina] I'm gonna get k*lled.

I'm getting divorced before I get married.

♪♪

[Jenni] I'm so full.

Should we wrap some of these,

uh, appetizers and bring 'em home to Ronnie?

He could use a little chocolate.

[Pauly] You guys, let's roll out. Cabs are here.

I'm ready. I'm full. Yay!

I would say this dinner was a success, because I had FOMO.

I missed my roommates, and, you know, maybe I should've

just moved in the house in the beginning.

[sighing]

But I'm happy I'm here, and I'm just-- I love them.

[Pauly] I ate so much. I can't even fit in the cab.

[laughing] Yeah!

I got Ronnie some pastas.Nice.

[Angelina] Well, that was fun.

Yeah, that was a fun dinner.

Pauly was being a little bit of a creep tonight.

"Oh, your teeth, and your boobs."

Well, take a compliment!

From him? Oh, my God, I'm, like, ecstatic.

[laughter] Why?

I'm just like-- I'm like,

"The king is noticing my enormous breastses."

Pauly?! The king?!

The king? Okay!

The king of what?

The king of guidos is noticing my enormous breastses.

The king in your life is your man.

My fiance's the king of the garbage men.

Wow!

"The king of garbage men."

You just put your man so-- Wow!

You can't come back from that. I love him, I love him.

Angelina, you might as well go on to your fourth engagement,

'cause this [bleep] ain't gonna last.

It's just so funny to me. He's like, "Oh, nice breasts!

Like, did you just get your boobs done?"

I'm like, what the [bleep]?

That's not what he said. What did he say?

He said, "Are you not wearing a bra?"

He didn't say...

Oh, my God! He said, "Nice breasts!"

[laughter]

So, Tater Tot posted something.

Ooh, let me see.

"A man who wants what's best for you is best for you."

[Pauly] Ronnie is a reactor.

He reacts to her, and she knows how to trigger him.

I think she's really good at egging him on,

and he falls for the bait every time.

Oh, so she's with a man right now.

Somebody else that's not Ronnie.

[Vinny chuckles] Yeah. That's treating her better.

♪♪

Oh, that was a great dinner, guys.

Oy vey!

So great. That was good.

Oh, yeah!

Ugh, let's go to bed.

Can't wait to get in jammies.

I'm full!

[Ronnie coughing]

♪♪

[whispering] He's still in bed. Shut up.

Oh, that's not right.

Poor thing.

[Deena] I think he's just depressed.

[Angelina] He's just sleeping. This relationship

with Jen right now is making him really sick.

I don't know at this point if Ronnie will ever

figure out his life, but right now, it's really bad.

[whispering] Vinny! Huh?

He's still in bed. He's still in bed?

[Angelina] Oh, God.

I think he's just depressed.

Hey, Ron. Hi.

We brought you food if you're hungry, babe.

We brought you food.

How are you? Just tired.

Brought you some really-- Tired? You slept all day.

I'm mentally just drained.

Well, you're gonna have to eat.

I brought you some pastas, some really good pastas.

You know what I mean? Some good comfort food.

[Ronnie] Yeah, I probably should eat, but I don't want to.

I just, like, feel like I'm not hungry, I'm not happy,

I'm not sad. I'm just, like, numb.

I'm gonna get up in a minute.

Okay. I'll be right down.

This whole situation with Ron is just [bleep].

Ron and Jen, they're both toxic,

and, you know, we wanna be there for him,

but we don't know what to do right now.

He should eat.

We should heat up that food for him.

[Ronnie coughing]

[coughing continues]

Oof! That Ronnie?

[Angelina] Oh, my God.

[whispering] He's [bleep] still in bed.

No. Still?

He's like, "I'm getting up now."

He's getting up now? Getting up now?

For what? I'm going to bed.

So, the way Ronnie's acting right now, he's depressed,

and I don't know how to fix Ronnie's moods at all anymore.

But I'm hoping that we can get him back to his old self...

Oh, it's terrible.

Yeah, I don't get it.

He's dying.

♪ Help me, I'm alive ♪

♪ But I can't open my eyes ♪

♪ And I'm trapped under fallen... ♪

[coughing]

♪ I'm about to break free ♪

♪ And only you can save me ♪

♪ You're the air that I breathe... ♪

[exhales]

♪ You're all that I need ♪♪

♪ Watch you as you going ♪

♪ Going gone ♪

♪ Parting's such sweet sorrow ♪

♪ When all ♪

♪ The pieces fall... ♪

[Ronnie] So, I wake up this morning,

and obviously everything's still weighing on my head.

I'm at a point where how much more I can deal with

someone that's irrational, doesn't wanna listen,

gets angry, like vulgar.

It's just like-- It's becoming too much.

♪♪

I can sit around and be miserable and mopey,

but it's like, what does that solve?

[Mike] Ronnie, you coming to get a haircut?

Yeah. Yass!

So, let me just go enjoy myself as much as I can.

Let's roll out, fellas. Have fun, guys.

Bye, Angelina.

Ooh! Bye, Vinny!

Bye, Vin! Love you.

♪ We're the kids, kids, kids ♪

♪♪

♪ We're the kids, kids, kids... ♪

♪♪

Shotgun going first, yes!

That's all right, I want you guys to be the guinea pigs.

♪ Kids, kids... ♪

Let's go get first guys' haircut.

GTL.

This is Mike's local spot, which is awesome,

because Mike can now vouch for this barbershop

so we're not just walking into any random one blind.

'Cause we all know how that goes.

[Jenni] How long have you been a barber?

Nice.

[Vinny] Mike, you sure this guy is good?

[Mike] Yeah. These guys are top notch.

Mike talks very highly about you guys,

said he comes here all the time.

James, I'm thinking that I wanna do the, um,

the wax in the nose areas.

Yes. [Pauly] What is it?

Little stick with hot wax right in the nose areas.

You know, as a guido, you need to have

the whole package correct.

Oh!

[Pauly] Oh, damn.

[Vinny] Oh, a double? Oh, my God!

Beauty is pain.

[Mike] The guido's nose is key

to living your best life. [chuckling]

You ready? I'm ready. Do it.

One, two, three.

Oh! [Pauly] Damn!

One, two, three. Oh!

Look at that thing. Wow! Look at that.

[Pauly] I never thought I'd ever see that,

but I did, and it's nasty.

To get a shape-up, or...

Yeah, I got ya.

His hair is an indication of how his life his going.

[Pauly] It's his mood ring.

Yeah, if my hair's [bleep] up, then that's it.

It's like-- So, clean him up.

[Ronnie laughing]

It's gonna take a lot more than a haircut to fix Ronnie's life,

but you gotta start somewhere.

And it's good to see Ronnie smile right now.

Really see it coming together in Ronnie's world right now.

Do you see it?Yeah.

That's my hair, not my world.

We can go right back to the guylights right now.

You know what I mean? My man will do

the guylights if need be. Oh, word? Yep.

[Ronnie] It feels good to be back with the boys.

I had a bad day yesterday. I was just sitting at home

and just, you know, overthinking things

and just making things worse for myself.

[Pauly] Ronnie Magro back in full effect.

[Ronnie] Today's good. Just being able

to get my bearings, you know, and get my mind right.

Look at that. He cut all his problems away.

[Ronnie laughing]

Get a haircut every day.

Now, that right there looks like Taken Ronnie.

That's Taken Ronnie right there.

♪ I don't believe you this time ♪

♪ I'm leaving you behind ♪

♪ I don't believe you ♪

♪ This time ♪

♪ I'm leaving you behind.... ♪

I know that I have a great heart and I'm loyal,

and I'm not gonna sit there and take that from somebody

that I [bleep] done evething for.

[Mike] Does a good cut over there.

Thank you. Appreciate it. No problem, bro.

[Ronnie] This is a fresh start.

You know, I've been through a roller-coaster

of emotions the last couple months.

Good to meet you, man. Thanks for fitting us in.

Appreciate you. Thank you.

[Ronnie] I love my roommates.

They have my back, you know,

and they wanna see the best for me.

We love you, and we're trying to help you.

I love you, Ron.

[Deena] Ron, no one's perfect. No one's perfect, Ron.

I love all you guys. We love you.

They're my family, you know. We're brothers and sisters.

You know, having them near me to support me

while I'm going through this, it actually feels good,

'cause I'm used to going through most of this stuff by myself.

You know, it means a lot to me.

All is right in the universe now that Ronnie got his cut.

Now let's just go GTL.

[laughter] Damn! I wanna come too!

[Vinny] That's what she said.

♪♪

♪ I'm leaving you behind ♪♪