02x26 - The Hitch-uation (Part 1)

[bunniefuu]

Look sharp, my brother. Looking good.

Thank you, guys.

After everything I've been through

the past couple years...

[Mike on phone] I did plead guilty, yeah.

He pleaded guilty.

It was one count of tax evasion.

[Mike] Going through a serious court case--

United States versus The Situation.

[male reporter] Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino

is to be sentenced today in Newark.

He got eight months. Mike got eight months.

Are you [bleep] kidding me?

[Nicole] Oh my God.

Through the ups and the downs,

the good times and the bad,

I have found the woman that I could spend

the rest of my life with me.

Hi, baby.

Lauren is my beautiful girlfriend.

She's my rock, she's stayed by me.

Will you please marry me?

[Pauly D] Oh my God, dude, he's doing it.

Yes! [cheers and applause]

[Pauly D] Mike's fitting to get married!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a hit-uation.

It's...

[all] ...tuxedo time!

This is one of the biggest days of my life,

and nothing can drag me down.

Just wanted to check and see, is your plus-one coming?

Yeah, I think she's coming with my daughter.

If this turns into any drama between Ron and Jen,

like, it would ruin all of our friendships.

♪♪

Yeah, buddy!

Party's here!

The Situation is under construction.

This might not have been the best idea.

We're so classy now.

On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

Get the frig outta here, you crazy!

Um, hello?!

♪♪

♪ It's not your fault I'm bad ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

We're holding places for everybody downstairs.

I just wanted to check and see, is your plus-one coming?

Um, yeah, I think that she's coming with my daughter.

Okay.

[Vinny] This is the recipe

for a complete [bleep] show disaster.

Now, not only are we on Ron's spiral duty,

we're also on Jen watch.

[Nicole] Oh, she's coming, Jenni.

Who's coming?

Jen, I think.

Jen's at a beauty bar getting ready with the baby.

Glam squad on fleek.

Get it, girl!

[Nicole] I see on social media

that Jen is getting ready for the wedding with the baby.

So now, we know that Jen's coming,

so I'm like, [bleep], what's happening?

[Joey] I'm gonna get drunk with her and beat people up.

It's such a joke, man.

She's coming to the wedding now?

Oh! Fan-[bleep]-tastic.

What's going on with them?

You didn't see their Instagrams lately.

They're just fighting again?

He's, like, posting how she's hitting him.

He said his black eye is from her.

[Nicole] That was like the last straw for me.

I mean, honestly, I didn't think Jen was gonna show up,

just because how do you show your face

after what just happened on social media?

But Jen, she doesn't give two [bleep].

See, the baby isn't-- isn't a tool to, like,

to prove a point. Yeah.

It's your [bleep] kid.

Oh, sorry!

♪♪

Hi! You look gorgeous. Beautiful.

Oh my God, this place looks like a castle.

And Chris is like, "Well, it's-- it is called Legacy Castle."

Hi. Welcome to Legacy Castle.

Thank you. It's so nice here, thank you.

This castle is insane. Like, it's huge.

It's just so, like, glamor, classy, and just beautiful.

The place is immaculate.

Just like, ravishing, like, that's the word.

Like, do I ever [bleep] use that word, no.

But I'll use it right now.

[Deena] She's like, pouring champagne upside-down.

I don't really know if I'd pray that my wedding was like this.

I feel like me and Chris are more practical people.

You know? That's a good word for this.

They really went above and beyond, damn!

Aw, I can't have champagne.

I'll have one for you.

Yeah, you could have a champagne for me.

I'll take one. Thank you.

[man] You're welcome.

Absolutely beautiful, breathtaking.

I love love, so this is, like, my favorite.

I can't wait.

So, Angelina and, um... Angelina and Chris

are right next to you?

Wait-- oh, I don't know, I guess.

Who? Jen.

No. No, no, that's a different Jen.

So, I guess Jen is coming.

Wow, are you kidding me?

[Deena] Honestly, if I was in Jen's shoes,

with everything that went on,

I feel like I probably would have hid

underneath a shell or something, or a rock.

Whatever it is, the saying.

I can't wait to see Giovanna and Meilani.

If you'll excuse me.

I'm gonna go handle some business.

[Mike] All right. Pairing up.

[Pauly D] Being a groomsman at this wedding,

we accepted the responsibility to be on Ron's spiral watch.

Which is fine, I'll take that responsibility.

But Jen?

I can't be on Jen watch. I'm scared of that woman.

I can't believe he's bringing her, dude.

You can keep her home for one second.

Pssh, yeah. Why does she have to be here?

Stay in the hotel. Just keep her home.

We're waiting for hair and makeup,

is coming to touch up.

Okay, go. Don't dance around now.

My side boob is really out. I look like a grandma.

Do you ever smile? No!

Is everyone dressed? Hey, guys!

First, how's my Ariel hair now?

[Vinny] It works for you. I like it.

Does it? Yeah, real good.

It was a little scary when she did that. Matches your tattoo

and everything.

I like it. It looks good!

Yeah, I'm just glad that Jenni didn't do anything

drastic on wedding day.

She didn't change much at all,

like, she kept everything low-key,

you know, to take no attention off Laurens.

Just you two? [Jenni] How's Ron?

Meena's like, "I need to know, who is your plus-one?"

He's like, "Yeah, she's coming with the baby."

I was like, what? She's not invited.

Just leave her home.

Lauren definitely doesn't want her here.

No, I don't think anybody does.

Where did, uh, Pauly and Vinny go?

I don't know. Where are these guys going?

Did you tell Mrs. Taters

the time of everything, and she's gonna be here on time?

Yes. It's gonna be beautiful.

No, it is. The wedding...

you know, it's gonna be good.

You look good, bro. Happy. I am. I am.

You know, I've never seen you like this. Yeah.

You're always happy, but you're like, glowing today. I am always happy.

And it's not 'cause of the makeup.

Oh! Seriously, I swear.

You really are, bro. Thank you, brother.

I'm just so excited that, you know, this is happening.

You guys are a part of it, this was actually, like, my dream.

I was like, I wanted to get married,

and I wanted you guys to be the best men,

and I wanted us to-- to do it together,

and-- and it's happening.

Yo, would you have ever pictured this years ago...

That-- we were just saying that before--

That we would be here at this day and...

I'm your best man? And you're my best man?

Never. Exactly.

[Mike] I want Ron to be happy.

And if he wants to bring Jen

and the baby, bring Jen and the baby.

What am I worried about?

I'm not the one that got dragged from a car, okay?

I'm the one that's actually getting married,

in about a half hour.

This is of no concern to Big Daddy Sitch.

[Vinny] I just can't forget

what happened two days ago. Neither can I.

I can't forget k.

k? What's k?

She said, "You need to go to the bank and pull out k."

Or else what?

For, like, she won't-- she won't-- [Pauly D] To be with her.

Be with her, yeah.Okay.

[Pauly D] We just can't believe it, we're baffled.

We're like, how the hell

could Ronnie bring Jen to this wedding?

And like, how could Jen even want to come to this wedding?

It's only a matter of time before this falls apart.

What happened to the conversation last night though?

With them two? I don't know.

Is he still in the wedding? Yeah, he's still in the wedding.

Yep, he's doing the dance and everything, we taught it to him.

It's-- you see it? You see it?

What do we say? Wait, what'd you say after him-- oh!

What do I say? "Hi, how you doing"?

I know, what do you say to that? What do I say?

I hope she's not at our table.

I don't know. She will be.

I don't wanna see her, I don't wanna see him, I don't wanna see anybody.

I told him, like, every single time we see you,

you have a new injury.

What's the next injury gonna be? Death.

Yeah. God forbid.

Why can't it just be one day?

One day! One-- this isn't about you.

It's one day. Yeah, one day.

She doesn't need to be her.

Leave that drama home.

Congratulations, you may kiss your bride.

[cheers and applause]

Whoo!

[Deena] Shut up, what the...

It's happening, it's gonna be a [bleep] show.

Just so you know, if somebody punches you in the face,

they're not allowed to come to my wedding.

Just wanna put that rule out there now.

Really? Yeah, sorry.

Please?Nope.

Where'd you get that dress?

[Jen] Some bridal shop.

I mean, she's intimidating. I mean, she is.

I'm drunk.

[string music playing]

♪♪

[music distorts]

We'll leave you girls to it,

we gotta head back to the suite, do the guy thing.

We're gonna see you on stage. We'll see you there.

Good luck, guys. See you on stage.

Good luck, girls. Don't trip.

We won't. We just had to vent real quick.

Yeah, I appreciate it. Same.

[Joey] All right, I'll see you. See you guys soon.

[Joey] What a cute couple, I wanna get married too one day.

After you.

[Chris] I got here early and saved you guys seats.

There you go, babe. Thank you.

All right, fellas, I'm gonna go check on the ladies.

And I'll be right back. All right.

All right, yeah, do your thing, we were just there.

[Mike] Oh my God, I don't know if I can hold it together anymore.

[Nicole] Why? I don't know if I could hold it together anymore.

Hey, Mike! I'm all in my feels right now.

That's normal.

How are you? It's so-- it's so beautiful out there.

Are you good? I know.

Are you so excited? We just...

[sighs] I am.

Oh my God, they look beautiful.

Meilani, Mike is about to get married.Yeah.

Say, "good luck, Mike." He's about to become a king,

and Lauren's about to become a queen!

Yeah.It's minutes away.

Yeah, it is, I wanted to come and see how you guys were doing.

We wanna ask how you're doing.Yeah.

I'm doing all right, I'm just trying--

I don't want to break down so early in the night.

Yeah. I'm thinking, like, do I get a good cry out now?

And I won't do it later? No, do it up there.

Wait, wait. You'll-- yeah.

Do it up there. Okay.

[Nicole] Mike's a littler nervous.

He just looks like, you know, he's getting married today.

It's just so cute.

Meilani, I need to fix your hair.

You look a mess.

Oh!

[Nicole] Joey's the professional.

Does it feel real, or no?

It does! It feel-- oh, it's unbelievable.Yeah?

All the boys are happy. Ronnie's happy.

Actually, Ronnie is bringing Miss Taters and the baby.

We heard. How do you feel about that?

Listen, he's our boy.

He's our brother, we want him to be happy.

We know he's been doing a lot of crazy things

the past year.

We just want him to be happy, and...

and if-- if he is...

That's-- yeah.

I-- I don't think that's happy.

[Jenni] So, the thing that I learned about Mike

is when he's explaining to me that he's okay

with Jen coming, he's not.

[Jenni] Well, we'll handle it.

You have the best night of your life.

Yeah, today is about you,

and that's all I can think about. Yeah, that's how it should be.

Mike has bigger issues, like going to jail

in a couple months.

So, like, Jen showing up at the wedding,

he just has to let go of it.

But I know as a human, he's probably concerned

that something could happen, which probably will.

And it's just very sad that he's even put in that position.

Well, she is gonna be sit-- sitting at our table, technically.

[Jenni gasps]

Wait, what? k*ll me.

So, like... I don't want her sitting by me.

[laughing] I know, I'm just saying.

She's gonna be sitting at our table.

So, our table is all the roomies?

All the roomies and...

Oh, it's a big table then. It is a big table.

So, she could sit over there.

Yeah, technically.

This is gonna be a [bleep] nightmare.

All right, good luck! Love you, sis.

Love you, mwah.Mwah.

Thank you so much. Love you so much, yes.

Well, I mean, I knew Mike was not gonna be upset about Jen,

just because he's the more positive one out of all of us.

All of us is like, [bleep] this b*tch.

Almost gonna cry, oh my God. [Nicole]Do it!

Oh!

Dude, I'm getting it all-- I'm getting all--

I'm getting in my feels, I almost cried

because me and JWoww just hugged.

Listen, you guys are the most important people in my life.

So, anything you guys need tonight,

please let me know, whatever it is.

No, anythingyou need from us. Yeah, b*tch, this is your night, please.

Bye, guys. Bye, guys. This is your night.

Bye, Mike. Congrats. Love you.

Oh my God!

It's happening. Ahh!

It's happening, I got my jewels.

Mike always looks at the positive.

So, as long as he's good right now

that she's coming, it's great.

But I mean, me, I'm like, this b*tch better not start anything,

and Ron better not [bleep] up and do anything either.

♪♪

[imitating "Godfather"] I just wanna thank you guys

for coming out tonight to my wedding.

On the day of your daughter's wedding.

On the day of my daughter's wedding.

Thank you for taking care of that thing.

Anything you want. You call the family

and they'll take care of it for you.

We'll give him an offer he can't refuse.

We'll give him funfetti cake.

[Ronnie] And diet soda. And diet soda.

Hey!

[all] Hey!

[Pauly D] Michael Situation.

What up, fellas? What's up, kid?

Congratulations. You getting married?

Yep, we about to do it right now, fellas.

We about to do this right now, fellas.

We doing this. It's [bleep].

You need us? We about to do this.

RSVP real quick.

R. S.

V. P.

[all] Wedding squad!

Get it.

Actually, there she is. Hey, guys, you ready to do this?

Oh, let's turn out, let's do it. I got the man of the hour.

I'm nervous! All right, let's go.

I'm getting cold feet. All right.

I don't know if I can do this. Don't get cold feet.

I promise, you'll be okay. [Pauly D] Shotgun.

The ceremony is finally here.

We had, like, , rehearsals, we've been here all day.

But now that it's showtime, everyone is excited.

It's real, like, it's happening.

Get off the phone. Yes.

Off the phone. Yes, ma'am.

[Pauly D] The clock is ticking right now.

Ron is Ron mode, texting.

There is a chance that this wedding

could turn into a Ron and Jen event.

[Meena] All right, guys, everybody line up.

Let's get into place.

Top buttons buttoned. Great.

I'm about to walk in a room a fiancé,

and walk out a husband.

[Angelina] Hi, guys. [Deena] Hi!

[Jenni] Hello, hello. You too.

I can't wait to see the girls.

I might cry when I see the girls walk down.

I know.

[Deena] Yo, Jen's coming.

[chuckles]

And Ron's been texting her all day.

He's like on his phone all day.

Can you just go one day? Is that what it is?

Just one day. A couple hours.

And it's like a thing upstairs.

I'm like, why are we making this a thing on Mike's day?

Can't it just be about Mike today?

[Deena] I am totally done dealing with Ron's stuff.

All of us are very, very close

to being completely done with him to begin with.

So, if Ron brings Jen to Mike's wedding and ruin it,

that would be the final straw for every single one of us.

[Pauly D] Damn, this is crazy, this is it.

[Mike] It's happening.

It's happening. Oh!

[Nicole] All right, everyone, shut up.

Why didn't we bring napkins?

♪ ...like mystical ♪

♪ See you've been working out on your physical ♪

♪ She said, yeah, I'm a'ight, but by the end of the night ♪

♪ I'ma beat that-that in cryptical ♪

[Nicole] I'm moving over.

Wait, why am I still allowed at this wedding?

[Meena] All right, ready, guys?

It's coming down to that crunch time.

Mike's about to marry his other half.

We've been preparing for this.

Now, we need to forget all the Ron and Jen [bleep].

It's a special day and I don't wanna mess it up for him at all.

He's going first? You wait.

[Pauly D] Uh-oh, we're going we're going.

Okay, go. I like the place.

♪ It's gonna be great, it's gonna get better ♪

♪ You're gonna be all right ♪

♪ And I know, yeah, I know, yeah, I know, yeah, I know ♪

♪ It's hard for now ♪

[Deena] Hey, Mike!

♪ It's gonna be great, it's gonna get better ♪

♪ You're gonna be all right ♪

Lauren, I give you this ring as a symbol

of my love and faithfulness.

[Mike] Me standing here is very special,

because, you know, um...

I shouldn't be here today, you know what I mean?

[officiant] It's with great pleasure and privilege

that I pronounce you husband and wife.

Congratulations, you may kiss your bride.

[cheers and applause]

Yeah!

Whoa!

♪♪

♪ You and I, we're bonded here together ♪

♪ In space ♪

[Vinny] Now that it's showtime,

the ceremony is finally here.

We're in a beautiful castle.

Jen is officially coming with the baby.

Now I feel like I'm at a real Italian wedding

when it's like, oh, there's that person

that you can't talk to.

It's happening. Oh!

Go.

Two weeks ago, I was walking

into a federal court in a really serious situation.

[reporters chattering]

Now, I'm walking into a castle,

about to marry my queen.

♪♪

♪ So many things ♪

[Deena] Hey, Mike! ♪ I want to see ♪

♪ I'll take it slow, I'll take it slow ♪

♪ Everywhere I go, everywhere I go ♪

♪ I know, I know, I know that I'm not alone ♪

Okay, go.

Hold on, switch your...

[organ music playing]

[Deena] Aw, look at Pauly.

Yeah, that's perfect.

Do you see how he's walking, the pace?

Okay. That's how you wanna walk.

[Angelina and Deena laugh]

Go, okay, you're gonna go all the way to the end.

Got you.

[Nicole] Smile.

Wave. Wave.

Oh my God, smile, you weirdo.

Ew, what a creep!

Why are you walking like that?

Vinny is walking down like he's, you know, an actor.

♪ Wind it up, wind it up, wind it up, wind it up ♪

♪♪

We're so rotten. Oh my God.

Can you stop walking like that?

Oh my God. Such a weirdo.

[Deena laughing] I hate him.

Oh my God, they're next. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God!

♪ Dah, dah, da-da... ♪

Oh my God!

[Deena] The babies coming!

They look gorgeous, they're just so cute.

I can't, I die.

[Pauly D] Look at Nicole and Jenni!

Right now, we're basically looking at Jenni

and Nicole's mini-mes walk down the aisle,

and it's-- it's insane, it's like literally looking

in the past at Jenni and Nicole.

Look at... look it, sissy. [Angelina] Oh my God.

[Vinny] Before Botox, lips, weird fake eyelashes.

I mean, it's beautiful.

Meilani, Meilani.

Go throw the flowers.

Flowers, flowers. Flowers, baby.

[Mike] Yeah...

[laughing]

Flowers. Go that way, go that way.

Oh my God, Giovanna and Meilani look so stinking cute.

I am so ready for the baby, I can't wait.

Aw, you did it!

♪♪

[officiant] All rise, please.

I've been through so many trials and tribulations in my life.

♪ Got demons in my rearview ♪

♪ Oh ♪

All those court days I was nervous about.

It was a lot of hard work to... to get here today.

♪ Tell me, do you see 'em too? ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

[Mike] I wouldn't be the man that I am today without Laurens.

It's the happiest day of my life.

♪ So don't forget to breathe ♪

♪ 'Cause it's only you and me ♪

♪ If you just hold on ♪

You feel like this, like, tingly

kinda like emotional feeling as soon as that door opens

and the bride starts walking down the aisle.

Everyone is in their feelings right now.

♪ Gotta hold on, oh ♪

♪ Do you still remember me ♪

[Mike] I actually can't even believe that I made it.

I can't believe that I made it to this day right now,

and I'm trying to hold it together right now.

I really am.

♪ Don't forget to breathe ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ And don't forget to breathe ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Don't forget to breathe ♪

You look fire, honey.

You look fire. You look fire.

You look fire.

Good evening, everyone.

On behalf of Lauren and Michael,

I would like to extend a warm autumn welcome

to this special gathering of love and friendship.

We come together in the spirit of God's loving peace and grace

as we bear witness to their marriage.

[Vinny] There are some weddings that you go to

where you might look at the bride and groom

and be like, oh, man, this is a mistake.

But this wedding just feels right.

We can't picture Mike and Lauren not together.

Together, they are living their best life

as they teach... [scattered laughter]

I feel like Mike always had love in his heart.

[bleep] you, Mike. Mike, I'm not kidding!

Who's gonna be the bad guy?

Situation? No problem.

[Nicole] But just being around Lauren,

I feel like Lauren definitely changed Mike

to the person that he is today.

So, ugh, they're just like--

they're literally a fairytale love story.

I can't.

So, Michael, I ask you,

will you take this woman to be your wife

that you may live together,

and grow faithfully in the bond of marriage?

Do you promise to love and honor her,

comfort her and be faithful to her

so long as you both shall live?

I do. Ooh, good answer.

♪♪

Whew... all up in them feels.

Um, it was, uh...

it was many nights I wanted to quit, man,

you know what I mean, but I didn't, so...

So, Michael, if you could repeat after me.

I, Michael, take you, Lauren, to be my wife.

I, Michael, take you, Lauren, to be my wife.

[Mike] Me standing here is very special,

'cause, you know, um...

I shouldn't be here today, you know what I mean?

[officiant] I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

I will love you and honor you

all the days of my life.

♪♪

I, Lauren, take you, Michael,

to be my husband.

And, uh... I'm here

because of my beautiful bride,

and it's a miracle.

Lauren, I give you this ring as a symbol

of my love and faithfulness.

As I place it on your finger,

I commit my heart and soul to you.

[Jenni] Oh, Mike and Lauren, just, they're beautiful.

They're gonna last forever.

You can just tell the love that they have,

and you can feel it in the room.

This is perfection.

Before God, family, and friends,

it is with great pleasure and privilege

that I pronounce you husband and wife.

Congratulations, you may kiss your bride.

[cheers and applause]

Yeah!

Whoa!

♪♪

[Nicole] Yay!

I feel like Rocky when he got to the top

of the stairs up in Philly.

That's how I feel right now.

♪ Like we're finally home ♪

I've been through some awesome moments in my life.

I really have.

But this right here takes the cake.

And we all know BDS loves his cakes.

[officiant] Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you

Mr. and Mrs. Michael and Lauren Sorrentino.

[cheers and applause]

♪♪

Whoo!

♪ Like we're finally home ♪

♪ We're finally home ♪

[Pauly D] Yeah, buddy!

♪ It's all okay ♪

Yeah, buddy! Whoo!

[Pauly D] Damn, they're hooking us up, yo.

My man Mike loves his foods.

Oh my God, the seafood looks fantastic.

This is a straight fairy tale.

Oh, nice.

Italian wedding, food gotta be on point.

Oh, God, look at this pasta station.

[Lauren] Looks so good.

[Mike] There is a fresh mortadella station.

We have a pasta station, we have a sushi station.

This right here is a feast-iones.

Enjoy.

♪ This is my dream, I'ma get it, I'ma get it ♪

[cheers and applause]

Whoo!

[Vinny] Damn, such a good ceremony, man.

♪♪

♪ Well, let's get it ♪

I broke down at the kiss.

You were breaking down a few times.

You saw me break down a couple times, right?

Yeah, 'cause I see your nostrils flare

when you're about to tear.

You k*lled it!

Give your Aunt Dee Dee a hug.

Remember the one that threw the chair?

Angelina.

[all]Oh!

Love you! [bleep]!

Yeah, she's the bad one. I'm crazy, crazy.

♪♪

Oh, my God, there's strippers.

Why is she spread-eagle at a wedding?

Oh, whoa, is this Vegas?

Oh, my God, I saw a "regina."

Not only once but twice.

♪ Behind your eyes, I see... ♪

Look, honey.

♪♪

♪ Before you go, just let me show you something ♪

♪ You tell yourself... ♪

Hey! Fire.

I can't see. [laughing]

♪ You're not to blame, and you kid yourself... ♪

Whoo! That's a wrap on formal photos.

Yee-uh!

Pfft, I always trust a g*y when it comes to opening wine.

Get 'er done.

Wait, did anyone see her down there? Who?

The elephant in the room. No.

[Jenni] The wedding was perfection.

But, like, ugh, this whole Jen thing

coming to the wedding.

I am so paranoid right now.

Jen knows the roommates talk a lot of [bleep].

You got a crazy b*tch pregnant!

Lot of [bleep].

I just feel like Jen's, like, bad aura.

You feel like Jen did it, would you say? No.

Oh, I thought you said Jen did it.

Oh, I thought you said Jen did it.

I think you said that.

[laughing]

I didn't.

And you're still here.

And gonna sit at our table...

With the baby.

It's just like, why?

Our E! News interview aired.

[Nicole] Oh, God. Let's watch.

[reporter] Snooki revealed she wants two more kids.

But it hasn't been easy.

Hey! There's you on E! News.

...they are best friends.

Aww. You girls are on E! News.

But it's Ronnie's drama with his baby mama--Facts.

Oh! Oh! --that might've gone too far.

[woman] Cheater! b*tch!

Ooh! Turn that off now.

[girl] No, I don't want to.

It's over. Meilani, we're gonna watch that drama downstairs.

All right, yeah, let's go downstairs.Okay?

We're gonna watch it in real time.

[Nicole] Oh, my God, here we go,

k*ll me, it's gonna be a nightmare.

All right, let's go to the party, you guys.

Joey.

Yeah.

I still have my boobs on my shirt, I know.

I should've wore a different shirt.

Okay, don't fall on the step.

♪♪

[Joey] Ooh, I smell food, you hungry?

♪♪

[Vinny] Damn, look at this spread now.

Italian wedding, food gotta be on point.

That looks like eggplant, chicken.

Oh, nice.

♪♪ [singing in Italian]

I go to, like, some regular American c*ck hours,

and just like cheese and crackers.

Oh, they got tacos.

[Vinny] Italian c*ck hour

is, like, taco stands

and people making Philly cheese steaks

and burgers and fries and short rib

and they cut the [bleep] meat right in front of you.

Very impressive spread.

Yep. Somebody handed me an entire lobster tail.

Oh, God, look at this pasta station.

[Lauren] It looks so good.

[Mike] There is a fresh mortadella station.

We have a pasta station. We have a sushi station.

Our stations have stations, okay?

[Lauren] Bread and cheese, yes!

[Mike] This is a straight fairy tale.

Yah!

Enjoy.

♪♪

[Vinny] Whoa, that's fancy.

[Pauly D] That's how the rich people do it.

That's good, thank you.

I'll have a little of that.

Yo, if you took a bar mitzvah

and mixed it with a Sweet at the Emmys

with the Grammys in the background,

that's this wedding.

It's the best wedding I've ever been to

in my life, hands-down,

like, I could've bought tickets to this wedding.

[Pauly D] I came all the way to Jersey

to get a Philly cheese steak.

♪♪

I'm sure.

♪♪

Oh... that's a baby that's...

[Ronnie] I want Jen to be at the wedding

because I want her to interact with everyone.

I want her to be friends with everyone

because everyone that's gonna be at the table tonight

will be a part of my life forever, you know?

And the baby's life.

[baby crying]

[laughing]

Shut up.What the--

Nicole.

It's happening, it's gonna be a [bleep] [bleep] show.

Just so you know,

if somebody punches you in the face...

they're not allowed to come to my wedding.

Just wanna put that rule out there now.

Really? Please. Yeah, sorry, no.

Let's sit with Deena and Chris.

[Deena] The food fight was [bleep] great.

This should be really fun right now.

♪ Tonight, tonight ♪

♪ I just wanna feel like I'm alive ♪

♪ Alive ♪

Nicole. [Nicole] Oh, God.

[Nicole] Oh, the baby!

Hi, sweetie.

How are you? I'm well--

You look beautiful.

Oh, hi, Jen.

I love your hair.

How are you?

Hi. I'm Jen.

[bleep] "Twilight Zone."

Look at the baby. Were they in the wedding?

They were flower girls.

Oh, my gosh, so pretty.

Well, they can be your roommates when you get older.

Oh, God. You can have a shore house together.

Aww.

Saying hi, keeping it cool,

and then keeping it moving, that's what I'm gonna do.

Okay, we're all gonna go upstairs real quick, Meilani.

To freshen up. Come on.

We're gonna go upstairs and freshen up, okay?

[Lauren] Honey, look at that ring on you.

You're a husband now.

I need a diet soda.

And if they could also bring up, like, some--

I think they're bringing it up right now, actually.

Ooh, here comes the food. Ooh.

[Mike] I've been on a very serious

diet and exercise regimen.

BDS has been shredding for the wedding.

[Nicole] Who wants a pizza?

I'm supposed to be on a diet right now.

You can take the cheese off.

Terrible friend.

Oh, is that pastas?

Can I have a diet soda when you get a chance?

[slurping]

Can I have another diet soda please?

I would like a Caesar salad.

Why not throw little shrimps in there?

Steak sandwich. Spicy tuna roll.

Two diet "soders." I'd love me some diet "soder."

Now that the ceremony is over,

I am ready to feast.

[Lauren] It's over, he's going for the food.

Wow.

♪♪

He is a crazy uncle.

Wha-- wha--

[laughter]

It's okay.

Well, you've been called worse.

Meilani even knows Uncle Dino as the crazy uncle.

Like, oh, are you the crazy uncle?

I'm like, oh, my-- Meilani, yes, that's him,

but we don't say it out loud-- shh.

♪♪

Well, should I put this stuff down on a table?

Uh... yeah, let's find a table on the other side.

♪♪

Let's sit with Deena and Chris.

♪♪

[Angelina] Ron and Jen, [bleep] great.

This should be really fun right now.

Hey, mama. Hi, how are you?

Oh, no no no, this is not what I signed up for.

...I mean, I don't know if we can steal more chairs.

Do you have another table?

Uh...

♪♪ [humming]

[laughing]

I'm an [bleep].

♪♪

[Ronnie] Ahh, it's a six-person table.

♪ I got money, any change ♪

♪ I got girls, they exchange... ♪

Mama loves Uncle Nino.

Best night of your life.

Oh, yeah.

♪ Guest list when I pull up to the palace ♪

Oh, hell yeah.

[crash]Ooh!

It's okay, baby, don't judge.

Mommy's done worse, believe me.

You wanna hear a funny story?

So, one time, Mommy couldn't make it

to the potty one day,

and I went behind a bar, and I went potty.

Stop it!

I watered it down.

Your mommy went potty behind a bar.

Bad mommy.

Everyone kind of saw me, yeah.

But I had to go.

You don't do that, though, that's stinky.

That's stinky.

Cheers.

Cool.

I can't get over these hot dogs.

[Deena] I wish I could have a glass of wine.

This is really, really awkward.

I haven't seen, like, Pauly or Vinny at all.

All the press is gonna be about Jen being here now

instead of about the wedding.

It's so [bleep]--

Why would she even wanna be here? Isn't that awkward?

How could she even wanna be here?

Well, she likes it. The [bleep].

It's somebody's family.

Yeah, but she likes that she's the villain.

But nobody wants to talk to her.

Wouldn't you feel awkward?

She gets off on the scary [bleep].

I got the Middle East,

Mexico, and Japan.

And you're missing French fries.

No fries or taters on our plate.

Just so you know,

if somebody punches you in the face...

they're not allowed to come to my wedding.

I just wanna put that rule out there now.

Really? Please. Yeah, sorry. No.

What if it was only two days before?

Then is it okay?

Nah, you can't-- they can't come.

What if I just get dragged by a car, is that okay?

That's what I mean. What if I...

get extorted for K, then she-- can she come?

So what he's asking us is to be okay with her

by bringing her, but instead I can't-- for him, he's my brother.

I don't want him to get hurt anymore.

He keeps getting hurt. Right.

But I don't mean hurt heart-hurt,

I mean punched in the face, dragged by a car.

I feel--Financially.

I don't know if Ronnie's doing it on purpose or not,

but he's gonna alienate himself if he's with Jen.

♪ I been, I been king-like since royals had cake ♪

♪ Man, I been, I been dope-like blowing smoke out the gate ♪

Because if he's with Jen, we're all so over it

that we're gonna want nothing to do with it.

♪ Shatter your hoop dreams, hand you a lemon juice ♪

♪ Back in my custom shoes and wipe that sweat loose ♪

Can't wait for the dance.

Oh, God, we're still doing that?

You know, I need another drink, loosen up.

I'm drunk.

♪♪

♪ Say that you're here and stay ♪

♪ Make it last all day ♪

♪ Outer space, human race, nothing takes... ♪

[woman] The room's open, is everything going in?

Listen, I want you to enjoy yourself,

enjoy the food, we have tons of surprises the whole night.

♪♪

You look really cool, give me five, all right!

[voice] --look, how pretty!

[Mike] The reception is in the grand ballroom.

This main ballroom is so big

you can probably fit the shore house

and the shore store in there all at once

and probably still have a wedding.

♪♪

[Nicole] This is a very Italian wedding.

Like, it's just over the top, it's insane.

The decor, the venue, it's just very gaudy.

And this wedding is gaudy, and I love it.

♪ You lift me up ♪

[Angelina] I still can't believe Jen showed up to the wedding.

If this was my wedding day, oh, hell no.

I'd be Bridezilla, run it with a [bleep] sword

and a knife and a [bleep] shotgun,

you don't even know.

Like, you'd better get the [bleep] out of here.

Because I will be a bad day for you, bro.

[laughing]

I just wanna stay far from Jen so I'm gonna sit all the way

on the other side of the table just in case [bleep] goes down.

♪♪

[woman] All right, ready guys? We're gonna line you up.

I don't know what I'm doing.

[all] Hey...

♪♪

We still have the live performances.

Speeches, photo booths, drinks.

Venetian hour, c*ck hour, good food.

[wedding announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, it's my honor

to present to you for the first time...

Oh, God....

The drinks are flowing, Jen's here and it's, like,

a perfect recipe for, like, a beautiful disaster.

As husband and wife,

Mr. and Mrs. Michael and Lauren Sorrentino!

It's time to make a grand entrance, honey

[music and cheering]

♪♪

I knew she was gonna say yes because a real Italian wife

never folds under questioning.

Oh my God, please sit down.

Stop, you're not-- This isn't your comedy stage.

Here all night.

♪♪

I love weddings this time of year.

We're in Ronnie's bathroom!

[shouting]

This wedding is pretty wild.

I got plenty of body rolls...

Okay, put the tongue in your mouth!

Okay, [bleep] on three. One, two...

Are you [bleep]... Are you serious right now?

When you are drunk, the truth comes out.

He literally is obsessed.

Angelina trying to have sex with me.

He's drunk and a liar.

Ay! Take those cameras off me. I ate carbs!

Mike's wedding, it is over the top epic.

Appreciate you coming, man.

This about to be lit right now.

It is so amazing.

♪ I wanna rock right now ♪

♪ I'm Rob Base and I came to get down ♪

♪ I'm not internationally known ♪

♪ But I'm known to rock the microphone ♪

Who said Guidos don't know how to dance?

♪ One, two, three, get loose now ♪

Yeah!

Jen said I could watch TMZ.

[Pauly D] There's no denying how amazing

this wedding is, but it's a bit scary at the same time.

She [bleeps]...

What are you talking about?

Oh my God, Uncle Nino has to

come in and stir the pot.

This wedding to me is an absolute movie.