06x05 - Khloéwood

[bunniefuu]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

♪ Come on, get up ♪

♪ Come on ♪

[Kim Kardashian]
Previously on The Kardashians...

Khloé's turning 40?

I'm turning 40.

According to Kylie, so am I.

You better be at my birthday, b*tch.

It is a new era for me.
I'm feeling fantastic.

I'm so excited that my 40th is coming up.

-This is your decade.
-[Khloé Kardashian] So excited.

I am ready to start my 40s fresh and free

and as released from
as much sh*t as I can be.

[♪ dramatic theme plays]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Alright, guys, it is the 40th birthday
of the one and only Khloé Kardashian.

[both screaming]

[group yelling]

There can only be one favorite sister.

We love her so much,

so we are dedicating
this episode to Khloé.

So, Khloé, this is for you.

[group celebrating]

Everyone has a crush on Khloé.

The cameramen all have a crush on Khloé.

Now let's go out and [bleep] it up!

Uh, uh, uh!

[Khloé] The life of the party,
that's who I am.

We all love you, Khloé.

Noice.

It is a noise.

-Noice.
-Oh, noice.

Everyone is saying,
"Why is it called The Kardashians

and not The Khloé Show?"

I am in every [bleep] scene.

But guess what?
We're built for this.

♪♪

[♪ music fades out]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

-Okay, gorg.
-[sings] ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh,

-Okay, so...
-♪ We're ready, we're ready ♪

-And just, just channel...
-[Ash K Holm] ♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh ♪

No, I am really dirty,
I'm very inappropriate, and...

It's very X-rated on this set, okay?
[laughs]

Or else what's the point of today?

This is my week of my 40th birthday

-and my week is crazy.
-[photographer] Pretty.

[Khloé] Right now,
I'm on set for Good American,

I'm going on a road trip with Malika,

and then, after that, it is party time.

[photographer] That's an island shade.
Yeah, yeah, keep, keep doin' it, do it.

Maybe more butt.

-[♪ upbeat music playing]
-That's nice. Wow.

Ugh, gorgeous!

[laughter]

Woo!

[Khloé]
How many minutes for lunch?

Wait, hold on. This is Kim. Hello?

[Kim] [over phone]
For your 40th birthday,

we were either gonna do it really fun
and sophisticated and gorgeous,

or would you rather have it, like,
ratchet and fun and with a theme?

What does that mean, a theme?
Like, '80s? 'Cause ugh.

-No, no, no, we're not gonna do that.
-Oh, okay. Oh, good.

Khloé is turning 40,
and we've been planning her birthday

for a really long time.

[Malika Haqq]
Her 40th could be really big.

It doesn't have to be one specific thing.

I think she just wants a dance party.

I just wanna go big for Khloé.

That's what she does for everyone.

You know, she deserves it.

[over phone] Everyone's on a boat
and on vacation and no one's responding.

They're all dead to me.
I'm just kidding.

[over phone]
Kourtney is the only one that's helpful,

but she's like, "If it were me,
I'm... if you're turning 40,

"that's sophisticated and fun

and a dinner party
with candles spelling out '40'."

I'm like, "No, no, no, we're not
doing anything with a '40'."

Candles spelling out "40"?
No, no, no, no, no.

I don't really know what I wanna do.

But if I had to choose,

get wasted and just dance, music loud,
nobody can talk to me. Please.

And if you try to talk,
I'm just gonna be drunk.

Be like, "What'd you say?"
Just, like, bop around to the next thing.

I also cannot fathom sitting at a dinner
and having to have small talk.

[mockingly]
"How did it feel to be 40?"

And I'm like, [muttering].
[normal] Like, nobody cares.

Ugh, pathetic, gross.

[Kim] [over phone] I think I need
to make an executive decision.

I'm thinking, like, denim and diamonds.

-Denim and diamonds could be cool...
-[Kim] Like, I'm so excited now.

Well, this should be your birthday party.
[chuckles]

[Kim] No, no, trust me.
This is gonna be so fun.

'Kay, my phone's cutting.

-Mine is too. Bye, babe.
-Bye.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[Khloé]
Hello?

-[Kourtney Kardashian Barker] Hi.
-[Khloé] Hi.

My birthday is a few days away,

so Kourtney and I are gonna
make vision boards together.

Basically, it's sort of,
like, you cut out scraps

from magazines, words that mean
something to you, whatever,

and it's a way
of manifesting these things.

Okay, since you're great
at scrapbooking because of...

I saw what you did
for Travis's anniversary

or birthday, what was that?

[mouthful] Look how many supplements
I take, all at once, watch.

Wow, you can really swallow.
Wow, look at her go.

Ugh... Kourt, I can't.

You're gonna make me, like, second...

Oh, my God, I almost gagged...

-You're gonna make me gag...
-...'cause I was, like, thinking about it.

...just by looking at you.

Well, definitely National Geographic
is on my [laughing] vision board.

-[laughing] "Chasing the Unknown."
-No.

What's on your vision board?
A wedding ring?

I love diamonds.

Doesn't have to be a wedding ring,
it could just be a dia-mond.

We're pretty much
[laughing] the same height.

[laughing]
By me sitting and you're standing?

Okay, so, like,
when you think of turning 40,

do you feel like how I did
when I was turning 40?

'Member, I kept crying nonstop?

Yeah, but I thought that was also
'cause you started therapy.

-No.
-No? Oh.

Wait, have... did you
continue therapy by the way?

-Yeah.
-Do you like it?

I mean, it's fine.

I have an appointment tomorrow,
but I haven't seen her

for, like, three weeks,
and she's like,

"I feel like you're not
taking this seriously."

I'm like, "Lady, I'm fine."

Shes like, "Well, you're gonna make time
for things you wanna make time for."

I'm like, "Well, I don't..."
Now I'm being bullied to see my therapist.

And then, of course,
I'm gonna go see her

because I'm a people pleaser,
so I'm gonna go see her.

But do I really wanna go tomorrow? No.

And Mom is not happy that I'm in therapy.

Why?

If only she would go.

-She won't, but she's, she's not...
-She won't.

...thrilled with me.

Maybe my mom saw the reaction that I had

with her about therapy

and maybe she's like,
"Not the other two.

Kourtney is just comin' around
the corner being nice to me again."

She just thinks that I have,
like, complex PTSD.

Like, how Mom would, like,
leave me alone with the kids.

I saw somebody say,
"You were parentified."

Like, made to be like a parent

-when you're, like, not a parent...
-Yeah, no, that's what,

-that's what she says.
-...and when you're young.

That's why I always take care of people.

Khloé's always been a caretaker.

I think, with my little sisters,
even with me, like, sometimes,

or all the time, pretty much,
she treats me like I'm her little sister.

My therapist sorta told me
one of the reasons why I want

to take care of other people so badly

is 'cause I got attention and recognition
when I was doing, like, adult-like things,

like, taking care of my sisters,
dropping them off at school.

Literally, I take better care
of other people than I do of me.

For sure.

I'm happy I make it through the day.

Other people, I'm like,
"I will do the best [bleep] job I can."

I do think that the 30s weren't the best,

so I'm excited for this new decade.

Ugh, the 40s are great.

I've been, like, shedding...

...this last decade.

Just things that, like, are not
serving to me and just, like...

-Yeah.
-But, like,

not on my birthday
is, like, there gonna be some, like,

-epiphany or, like, this eureka moment.
-Yeah.

No, it's like I'm still transcending
into the person I'm supposed to be.

When I turn a new year,
am I supposed to be like,

"What I want for this year
is I wanna travel to Europe,"

and am I supposed to do those things?

'Cause I don't.
I never knew I had like...

[bleep] no.
I am really [bleep] up.

Do all you guys write goals?

The fact that I make it
to my bed at night,

it's a huge accomplishment.

I'm like...
[sings] ♪ Ah ♪

I say a prayer, I'm like...
[sings] ♪ Thank God I'm here ♪

I am, I'm buckling up,
I have my parachute on,

and I'm just prayin' for the best.

Well, we don't have
anything on the mood board.

Yeah, we do,
we have the "southern dream upgrade",

"the forever".

I mean, a mood board
takes a really long time.

It does.

What about this naked man's a*s?

You could do that.

He did my nose.

-Oh, how funny.
-[mouths] I love you. [normal] I love him.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

♪ Friday, Saturday, and Sunday,
never stop, stop ♪

♪ Yeah, we used to, let's party up ♪

♪ Go all night, we can't get enough ♪

Chi, do you wanna plan the party?

-Oh, yes.
-[Mindy Weiss] Oh, yes.

-[Kim] Oh, yes.
-Hi, Chi.

[Saint West] What party are
you planning really?

[Kim] Koko's party.

-Am I going?
-No, it's for grown-ups only.

We are planning... No, wait.
No, no, no. I am planning, not we,

singular me, is planning
Khloé's birthday party.

I've been texting everyone.
I've been calling everyone.

Kendall's traveling, Kylie is, uh, MIA,
Kourtney is in babyland,

and, like, typically, whoever
plans the party, pays for the party.

But, like, no one is here.

But I'm definitely
sending everyone a bill.

-Right.
-[Kim] Should we have a mood board

so people know that it is,
like, Dolly Parton World?

[Andrew Haupt] I think people
will get it when they're in it.

So, Khloé has always been
obsessed with Dolly Parton.

-So, we thought...
-[♪ country music playing]

...let's do KhloéWood.

'Cause I don't think anyone knows
that it's somewhat of a Western theme.

-Yeah.
-Wait, it have to be a denim top?

No, you can even just wear a T-shirt

and then, with chains,
and then, like, jeans.

Or you can go full-on J.T.

[group laughing]

-Do you know who Justin Timberlake is?
-[Saint] No.

He said, "Who's J.T., Jayson Tatum?"
That's just, like, where my kids are at.

-Hey, guys.
-[Kim] Hi.

Best party planners in town right here.

Ooh, carpet?

Khloé wants, like, a house party,

but we just have to give her
a little something more than that.

And I hope that Khloé likes it.

-Okay.
-Let's do the photo booth.

-Yeah.
-Like, with kisses all over the mirror.

Yeah.

[Kim]
Well, I would love Polaroids...

-Yeah.
-...and props of cowboy hats.

-But it could stamp "Koko".
-Yeah.

I don't like that "K".
It should look all Dolly Parton-y.

One of the most popular drinks
could be called the Espress-Khlo Martini.

That's brilliant.

Khloé wants to be 40 so badly.

-I've heard the 40s are magic.
-[Kourtney/Kim] Yeah.

Can't wait to be in my 40s.

People are scared to turn 40.

-I have hated every day of my 30s.
-[Kim] The decade.

This is a lot of pressure.

Oh, my God, you guys,
you're going to die.

-Look at this one.
-[Andrew] So good.

I can't believe Khloé's 40.

I mean, when I was...

-well...
-[♪ whimsical music playing]

[Robert Kardashian]
This is about three days

before the baby's supposed to be born.

-Khloé.
-[Robert] The baby's gonna be named Khloé.

-What if it's a boy, Kimberly?
-[young Kim] Robert.

June 27th, 1984,

I was standing at the edge
of my pool as Kourtney and Kimberly

were getting their swim lessons

and I leaned over the pool
to grab one of the kids

and my water broke.

My husband, Robert, was so nervous.

And that's the day Khloé was born.
That's the day I met Khloé.

[Kim] Okay, Saint wants you guys
to see him do a wheelie.

[Kris/Andrew]
Oh, wow.

[Kim]
This is a Cybertruck ATV.

-[Andrew] Oh no.
-[Mindy] Oh God.

[Kim] No doing wheelies together.
Oh, my goodness.

Be careful.

Oh, my God, he's gonna do
a wheelie with him on there.

[Kris]
That's really not the best decision.

-[Kim yells]
-No, no, no.

-[Kim] Okay. No more, no!
-[Mindy] Oy.

-[Kris] Oh, no, that's not cool.
-Sorry, sorry.

-[Kris] On the cement?
-'Kay, move, move, move.

Yeah, it's not funny when we're all
going to the hospital in 30 minutes.

No, no! No wheelies,
especially on the cement!

Hey! It's not funny!

-[ATV humming]
-Do not do a wheelie on the...

Hey!

Psalm!

Saint!

No!

Hey, we're not doing wheelies!

You could fall... and cut your...
crack your head open...

and then there goes your whole summer.

You can't get in the water
if you have stitches.

You can't do anything
if you have a broken bone

or s... or any stitches.

'Kay?

I'm serious.
I am serious.

Oh, my God, hands down,
hands [bleep] down.

Toes down, hands down,
but I grew some [bleep] ba*ls.

Now, I'm the firm one
and I'm proud of myself.

[Corey Gamble] Did y'all make another
stab at, um, Michael McDonald?

Just for, like, 30 minutes, come in,
hug her, say hello, type of deal.

I'm not saying perform.

For Khloé's birthday party,
I feel like if Dolly Parton can't come,

we need to get a performer, for sure.

We need a live performance.

So, there's a lot to do and this process
has been super frustrating

just because my sisters are outta town,

no one wants to show up for a meeting
to plan a party for someone else.

So, I've done every meeting.

I've done, like, five or six
meetings without my sisters.

b*tches.

I think we're off to a roaring good start.

[♪ "Let Me See You Dance"
by Vanacore Music playing]

♪ Make it clap, no hands ♪

Khloé's the best mom in the world.

She was like a second mom
to me growing up.

Hi!

[Kylie Jenner]
Every time I see her with True

it gives me the warmest memories.

-Are you guys okay?
-[Kris Jenner] Yeah, they're just fine.

You got it, True! Yeah!

Khloé really is incredible.

She's the best mom.

Loving and nurturing
and supportive and caring.

[Khloé]
Tatum, that's the filmers.

[Kris]
If you have Khloé for your auntie,

you're probably the luckiest
little kid in the universe.

[Khloé] I genuinely feel like
I was made to be a mom.

[baby cooing]

This is what makes me happy
and this is where my heart wants to be.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

♪ One, two on the floor, I'm ready to go ♪

♪ Yeah, keep it up, go ♪

[sings]
♪ Santa Barbara ♪

Malika has been hounding me
to go on a road trip with her

for God knows how long.

So, here we are, kicking off my birthday.

We're gonna go drink some wine,

and who knows where
this day is gonna end up.

I'm, like, so content and happy.
I feel good.

I feel like I'm on a better bandwagon...

-Oh, you are, babe.
-...with myself.

I'm telling, you are a br...
You're as bright as your hair.

-You are.
-[both laughing]

-Like, I feel like...
-I'm like, "I got my girl back."

-I know that.
-Yeah, I feel like I'm getting better.

I'm leaving the house more.

I am just...
I feel like a lighter energy.

-I do, at least.
-You, you are.

I've been going to therapy.

I don't wanna go into my 40s with baggage,

but that's, obviously, still gonna happen.

But I've been trying to release
as much crap and baggage as I can.

And mind you, I'm the only person
in the crew that's never been married.

It's just probably better for her.
It's not like she would really understand

and it's, it's okay.

It is the right thing to do,
in my opinion.

-Absolutely.
-Get married, have kids.

That's what I wanna teach her.

Truth thinks that me
and Tristan are married.

The only thing that
bothers me about that would be

I don't want True going through life
thinking this is what a marriage is.

That, oh, you're married to someone

and they don't live with you,
and you never have to kiss them,

or you don't sleep
in the same bed together.

Like, I would love my kids
to see me have a husband one day,

and I would love them to see, like,
love and affection and romance.

Like, I do want them to have that.

And when she's older,
I can explain it to her.

But, right now, I believe
you do things for your kids

because kids should not be
involved in adult problems.

When she found out I didn't go to college,
she was very upset.

Do you... I was just about to say,
if we had gone to college...

-We would be married.
-...we would be married.

-Yeah, I agree. I agree.
-100%.

-We probably missed a very...
-Ample opportunity.

Well, Kourtney went to college, though.

I mean, her minor was Spanish.

If you ask her to say
one sentence in Spanish, she can't.

-Kourtney speaking Spanish...
-[in Valley Girl accent] Gracias.

-...would just make me laugh.
-[normal] That's Kourtney.

[speaks Spanish in Valley Girl accent]
Gracias.

[FaceTime ringing]

-[Kourtney] [over phone] Hi.
-Hi.

[softly] Hi, guys, I have a sleeping baby.

-[softly] Hi.
-[softly] Oh.

[normal] Can you say one sentence
in Spanish for us?

[Kourtney]
Hola. ¿Cómo estás?

[both laughing]

Your minor was español

and you don't even know
how to speak Spanish.

-[Kourtney] Oh, señorita.
-[both laughing]

Sí, señorita.

Sí.

[producer laughing]

-[Khloé] Kourt, I love you.
-[Kourtney] [over phone] Go enjoy.

-Kiss that beautiful baby.
-You guys should at least

treat yourself to, like,
a golden milk latte or something.

Golden milk latte.
Better than the golden shower

I was gonna treat myself to.

-[Kourtney] Love you. Bye.
-[Malika] Love you.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[Khloé] San Ysidro Ranch.
I love places like this. [laughs]

We are gonna have lunch
and do some day drinking, wine tasting.

Not sure what trouble
we're gonna get into,

but we're gonna have fun.

[Malika]
Thank you.

-[server] Would you like the bottle?
-Yeah.

It's on the smaller side, right?

-[server] Yes, it is.
-[Malika] Okay.

Since when do you ask
if it's on the smaller side?

And I do recall we are not driving back.

Correct, we are not.

[server]
If you have any questions about the menu,

please feel free to ask.

I will have the Margherita flatbread.

And I'll do the branzino.

-And the branzino?
-Yeah.

[Malika/Khloé]
Thank you.

[Khloé]
I've stayed here with a couple men.

-Wait, really?
-I have.

-One person I was married to.
-Okay, I think I knew that.

That was just a long time ago.

But it was a dark time here.

-Mm-hm.
-I'm sure they're like,

"That girl's here again?"

[both]
Cheers.

-[Malika] You're living your best life.
-[server] Excuse me, ladies,

I have your Margherita flatbread.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

There you are.

-Excuse me.
-Thank you.

I mean, you actually
have to believe that

there is, like, a good person in the world
because you're a good person.

-But he's not out on the streets.
-You can't believe you're the only

-good person in the world.
-Just like I don't wanna

be in these streets,
he's not in these streets.

But you do...
If you don't go outside,

you don't know how
you're going to meet him.

At a farmers' [bleep] market.

That means you do
have to leave the house,

do something new
other than watch Dateline.

-That's all I'm saying.
-Well, first of all, I do.

I'm going to India with Kim.

-Oh, my goodness.
-Yeah, we're going for someone's wedding.

-Wow.
-I'm going to Italy after that...

[Malika]
These are great things for you.

...for Andrea Bocelli's birthday, so yeah.

-Fan... Oh. ugh.
-I'm doing things. 'Kay?

But I'm not on Hinge and I'm not on Raya

-and I'm not on all these things.
-Ya, ya don't need it.

And I don't want to be.

-I'm fine, I'm doing things.
-Okay, good.

-I'm fine.
-I didn't know about the India trip.

I've never been to India.

Have you done your research?

'Cause they have one
of the worst bug issues.

Wait, what?

Actually, there's a spider in your hair.

-Malika, please.
-No, I'm not kidding.

-Malika, Malika, Malika, Malika, Malika.
-No, no, I'm not kidding. I'm sorry.

-Just come here.
-Just don't move 'cause it's, like...

-Oh, my God, oh, my God.
-Okay, I...

-Oh, my God, get it.
-Sorry, sorry. Move your face.

-No... Move my face?
-I think I got it.

-I think I got it. I got it.
-How do I move my face?

-No, I got it. I got it.
-But is it...

-Ah, [bleep].
-I saved you.

-Thank you.
-I'm sorry.

-I love a knight in shining armor.
-[both laughing]

I really had to, like, beat you.

-I'm sorry.
-It's fine.

I actually like to be hit a little bit.

[laughter]

-I like a little aggression.
-You are wild.

Strangle me, spit on me.

Whatever it takes, just kidding.
[laughs]

You're not kidding.

-Sign me up to Raya.
-[both laughing]

Khloé's my favorite,
but she's also everyone's favorite.

We just gotta be real.

[announcer] Khloé Kardashian
is also winning tonight

for the Reality Star of 2022.

I mean, duh, Khloé is the fan favorite.

[fan]
Happy birthday, Khloé!

The Khloé Kardashian
is 40 years old. Ah!

Hey, Khloé, we wanted
to wish you a happy birthday.

[all]
Happy birthday, Khloé!

This is Maverick, and he and I love
our schedules just as much as you do.

Happy birthday, Kween Khloé.

My favorite moments
are when you got your DUI

and when you made your mom
laugh so hard, she peed her pants.

Love you.

Here's to another year
of looking fabulous,

turning heads,
and keeping us all laughing.

You're a true inspiration to me
and so many others.

Cheers to your 40s!

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[guide]
...grab a fun c*ck or some rosé.

[sommelier] So, we have a nice little
lineup of local wines here for you.

-Great, I'm Khloé.
-Awesome.

-Tristan, nice to meet you.
-Oh, of course, your name's Tristan.

Oh, hello, hi.

Oh, good old Tristan
follows me everywhere.

This is an Albariño, it's coming
from the Santa Rita Hills of California.

The grapes really
react heavily to that wind.

Oftentimes develop, like,
a little bit of a thicker skin to them

-that, uh...
-You're talkin' about me?

-[Tristan] The thicker, yeah.
-I'm just kidding.

Everything about wine is just really,
like, a bigger metaphor for, like, life.

-[Khloé] Right.
-Like, everything about it.

-[Malika] Okay.
-Exactly. [laughing]

So, this is the Crown Point.
So, Cabernet.

-[Malika] That's nice.
-I love a red. That's really good.

Normally, my days are,
you know, getting up at 4:30 or 5:00,

working out, making breakfast,

doing the carpool rush, work all day long.

-It's really good.
-Yeah, I like it.

[Khloé]
The afternoons are some kid activity,

dinner, bedtime routine.

[Tristan]
Like, Pinot Noir, Cabernet...

So, day drinking is fun
and needed every now and again.

[Malika]
Now, we should play something.

[Khloé] Miniature golf?
I love mini golf.

[Malika]
Okay, you be pink, I'll be red.

I really don't understand
how you play golf.

-sh*t. No!
-[Malika] Oh, you almost had it, babe.

-What does...
-What does "par" mean?

Like, you hit this ball really far away.

Ah, sh*t [bleep].

How do you know where the hole is?

I don't know what it...
that thing is called.

sh*t, hold on.
Oh, [bleep].

I think if I was sober,
I would be just as bad.

I don't think the alcohol...
[chuckles] Probably...

I'm probably better drunk.

No!

But I think my golf game
is a sign that the day is over.

Do you wanna head to JFK's cottage?
I really wanna see that.

-Ooh!
-[Khloé] I've stayed here before.

-[Malika] Oh, wow.
-I have.

[Malika]
Oh, hi, Kennedy.

-It's very classic.
-[Khloé] It's such a vibe.

-It's, like, old school.
-[Malika] Yeah.

Honestly, this was the best day ever.

The best way to wrap up my 30s.

Do you guys have anything
where we could, like, throw a party?

Yeah, we have our speakeasy, our bar.
It's actually really fun.

My birthday is in...
My party is on the 29th.

-I'm gonna be 40.
-Oh my God!

-That's a big, that's a big one.
-[Malika] It's huge.

Yes. My sister's planning it.
I don't know a thing.

-[Rian Widdess] It's so romantic.
-I've actually stayed here before. Yeah.

-But, yeah, I was gonna say, you stayed?
-Yes, when I was married many moons ago.

-Oh, my goodness.
-But we definitely took advantage

-of the jacuzzi and everything, but...
-I love it.

-The water has been drained since.
-Yes.

-Oh, my God, Malika.
-Thank you, Malika. It has.

[Khloé] I think I'm still processing
what this meeting meant to me.

I mean, the person that I am now,
I can't even really...

-So, what made you stop?
-Wantin' their respect.

Lamar, because our dad died so young,

Lamar was, like, the first man
that ever came in our lives

that was, like, the head of the household.

Like, for all of us.

Lamar was everyone's protector.

Everyone, even if someone was older,
looked up to Lamar.

The way Lamar was on this pedestal,
but deservingly.

-Do you wanna head back to Calabasas?
-[Malika] We can.

So, I don't know.

But... it made me sad
'cause the demise of Lamar

hurt and affected
every single one of my family.

We still love him and cherish him,
but, like, that man is just not there.

Like, seeing him at Malika's,
I was just like...

"I can't help you anymore.

You'll never be the person
that we all... idolized."

[Malika]
Oh, we had a day.

[♪ light music playing]

Khloé and I are known
to be the funny ones.

He definitely does not
have big [bleep] energy.

Like, I don't want BBE.

Big [bleep] energy
and then big ball energy.

-[speaker] I'm scared.
-[Khloé] I don't want BBE.

I'll take BDE all day long.

What the [bleep] are
the ba*ls gonna do for me?

It's so good for your vag*na.

You're, like, steaming
your vag*na with roses.

A steamy vag*na sounds gross.

I don't want it opened up.
I want it tighter.

Just tell me about my n*pples.

You know the bodysuit?
It's a sliver.

Is it supposed to just cover my [bleep]?

I tend to have a larger puss.

Like, when I'm fat, it gets fatter.

The funniest kid that I've ever met
in my entire life was Khloé Kardashian.

Here's the deal,
when I was a flight attendant,

-I had...
-Wait, hold on.

-Hold on.
-Okay.

I'm trying to muster up
the "I give a [bleep] energy".

Khloé would play you...

[laughing]
You're so funny.

...until you were crying laughing.

-Ooh.
-I need to give you

one of these every day.

-[Kris laughing]
-Stop laughing.

[Kris yells]

Bleh! Mom!

Ha!

Can't wait to be in my 40s.

-...feet, but you walk on heels.
-I have feet that would go on

OnlyFans and make a fortune.

What do you do with somebody's feet?

No.

Can't wait to be wealthy enough
to forget I have property somewhere.

Just hold me one last time like a baby.

-[Kris] Okay.
-No, this is how

-you hold a baby.
-Oh, okay.

Get it together, Khloé!
Snap out of it.

[Khloé screaming]

The world needs to know that, me,

the fat, funny sister,
is 12 years younger

than her chronological age.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

♪ La-la-la ♪

♪ La, la-la-la, la, la ♪

So, I planned Khloé's party,

and then, last minute,
every sister had a complaint.

-Were there any surprises?
-And I was like, "You guys,

no one was here to help me plan."

They're like, "These big parties,
the location's horrible."

And I'm like,
"Now you wanna talk?"

Tonight's the night we're getting ready
for Khloé's birthday party.

All the prep is behind me.

But a week before the party,
all of a sudden,

my sisters chime in with every change
that they possibly would make,

and it's just not possible.

And I'm like, "Well, if you're
a different creative idea,

"you should've jumped in
when we were creating it.

Like, it's done."

-So...
-She's 40. That's crazy.

No, it's really a trip.

When I was a kid,
I used to always just say, like...

"I can't wait 'til she grows up."

Khloé was wild as a kid.

She just was so loud and interesting
and Kourtney was a mute.

She was, like, so to herself and private,

and Khloé was so silly
and so loud and so funny.

When Khloé was a kid,
she always barked like a dog.

Thought she was a dog for, like,
the first four years of her life.

I was a little dog.

My aunt and my uncle,
if they were mad at someone,

they would tell me
to go bite them and I would.

She would sit on the table,
under the table

when we're all sitting eating dinner

and she would, like,
lick our legs and try to bite you and...

Like, I think she thought it was funny

when guests were over and we were like,

"Oh, no, she thinks she's a dog."

Talk about enabling.
I mean, they're the ones

that placed the bowls on the floor.

Irving Azoff would yell like,
"Bark like a dog, Khloé,"

and she'd come running
over going... [panting]

If I call my uncle right now,
he'll say, "Bark for me, bark for me,"

and I still have to bark.

[laughter]

[laughing]
It's insane.

Ruff, ruff.

We're trying to do the best
glam of our life right now.

-Girl... girl, we love you, but...
-[laughter]

I am so excited.

Today is my 40th birthday party,
and I just... I've been waiting for this.

I feel like, at least the last five years,
I've been waiting for my 40th birthday.

-Happy 40th.
-Happy 40th!

[cheering]

I started my day with my kids.

[sings]
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Cha, cha, cha ♪

-♪ Forty ♪
-[sings] ♪ Forty ♪

And then she'll be 41...

Okay, girl, one thing at a time.

Me and all the cousins had a pool party.

-Auntie Koko's birthday.
-Yes, my baby. Mwah!

Just, like, a bunch of my favorite people.

-We're gonna take Jell-O shots.
-[all] Cheers.

And it was the best ever.

No!

I just wanted to wish you
a happy 40th birthday, Khloé!

She said my name.

Well, I am obsessed with Dolly Parton.
I feel like the world is.

Nobody can say anything bad
about Miss Dolly Parton,

and she sent me a video.

[sing-songy] ♪ Somebody's having a party
and I'm not gonna be there ♪

♪ And I'm sorry about that ♪

[normal] Thanks for invitin' me, though.
I know you're gonna have a good time.

The fact that she knows my name,
she knows it's my birthday.

I'm like, "Oh, my God!"
Love her.

[Kim] Oh, look-it, Khloé's hair
was, like, really curly.

-[Chris Appleton] Wow.
-[Kim] But so was my grandma's.

Khloé just had, like, blonde curls
and green eyes, like, growing up,

-and I would just always be like...
-[Chris] She was blonde as a kid?

[Kim]
Uh-huh.

When Khloé was, like,
just maybe four or five years old,

she got this piggy bank
that was, like, as tall as us

and it was, like, a Coke bottle
and we would put so much money in it.

And when I was getting my first divorce,
I moved out, and I had no money.

I think I was, like, 21,
and she was like,

"Here, you can have my Coke bottle."

She was crying in my room,
and I was just like,

"Okay, I have, I have this Coke bottle.
Like, let's take what's in here.

"Let's go to the bank and let's cash it

and let's use this money
for your divorce."

We stayed up
all night long counting it.

It had $6,000 in it
and it was just enough for me

to get the down payment
on my apartment, you know,

and pay my first and last month's rent.

I gave her all that I got
and, hopefully, helped her.

So, for her birthday,
I found the same Coke bottle piggy bank

and I filled it up,
and I was like, "Thank you."

She gave me her life savings
at, like, 21 years old.

She couldn't believe
I remembered the Coke bottle,

and I was like,
"How could I not?"

-[speaker] Ooh! There she is!
-Hello.

-[speaker] There she is!
-[Khloé] Okay.

[Ash]
Oh, my God, you look incredible.

-I am obsessed.
-My butt is out.

-You look so good.
-[speaker] Whoa!

[Khloé]
Well, I'm in a corset,

and you know a good corset
will cinch your waist

and give you tatas.

So, I am livin' my double D life
that I've always wanted,

but just for the night.

[bleep] yeah, look at this glow now.

-[Ash] Ooh, girl. Yeah.
-Look at these boobs.

Dolly, watch out.

No, I... No... I...
Should've been. But no.

God, I'm so not used to seeing...
I look like a [bleep] porn star.

-I love it.
-[Ash] You look amazing.

Ay! Yeah.

Mm. Hey, we gotta go get...

-take [bleep] photos downstairs.
-You have a party to go to.

-[♪ upbeat music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]

[Khloé] So, when I was young
and someone was in their 40s,

you were about to go to heaven.

There's this great meme,
it shows, like, all the Golden Girls,

and every one of them has gray hair.

It shows, like, all these people,
and they're all in their 40s.

-[camera clicking]
-Nowadays, like, you're in your 40s?

I... Come on. What?

Like, you could still be
a virgin in your 40s.

Hello? It's fabulous.

♪♪

[Kris]
Khloé, you look so pretty.

[indistinct chatter]

Khloé is everybody's biggest cheerleader.

[photographer]
Yes!

[Kris] So, we want
this party to be perfect.

We want her to enjoy every second of it.

You could do a whole
calendar like this, Khloé.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Don't let the cats out.

I honestly don't know
what's happening tonight.

Kim's done a superb job
of keeping everything a secret,

which is really hard for her.

-Hi! Yeehaw.
-Hi, oh, my God!

[gasps]
Look at the corset!

-[Khloé] Wait 'til you see my a*s.
-Oh, my God!

[Khloé] It's a little...
I told you I was slutty.

-[Kim] I love it.
-[Khloé groans]

I can't shut the door.

[chuckles]

You look so good.

-Oh, my God, I love the little bag.
-Thank you.

-Thank you, you look so good.
-That is perfection.

Wait, really quick.

-Yeah.
-I... Mason said, "Hey, Kiki,

I've never been to your Malibu house.
Can I check it out?"

And I go,
"Sure, you can go anytime.

Just let me know
'cause security, whatever."

-Your nails are amazing.
-Melanie just texts me and goes,

"I just want you to know

that Scott and all of his friends
are there and Mason."

Scott's supposed to be comin' to my party.

Does Scott know about the party
or did they not...?

Yes, h-he's confirmed three times
and he's RSVP'd,

and then still said,
"Am I invited to Khloé's party?"

[Kim] Hi, exclamation mark.
I heard you're in Malibu.

Aren't you coming tonight to Khloé's?

Um, the nanny, Mary
was supposed to take him,

but she called in sick.

He is such a liar.

He was begging to come.

So, Scott's not coming.

And Kendall's in New York.
She has work the next day.

Who knows if Kylie will come?

I... We just can't stress about anything.

We just need to have a good [bleep] time.

Should I say Khloé will be
really sad if you miss it?

I'm just so over him at this point.

I am annoyed that Scott's not coming.

I'm annoyed because I love Scott
and I want him to celebrate with me.

He always complains
that he doesn't get invited to sh*t

and then, this is what he does.

We've talked about this,
you know about this.

Why aren't you here?

That's on him.

-M'kay, so I'm gonna warn you.
-Okay.

We started with... Everyone was like,
"We just want a house party vibe,"

and everyone ditched to leave
me to plan it by myself.

-Mm-hm.
-So, I went a little not really

house party vibes,
and then everyone was like,

"You told me it was a house party vibe!"

What does that mean?
Are we at a house?

-No.
-Oh.

But it was supposed to be,
like... intimate house party vibes,

and no one was there to say
what to do, so I just did it.

-You know, what I thought would be fab.
-Okay.

I felt strongly that...
I've done a few parties

at a sound studio
and it's never as, like, intimate...

The ceiling's really high.
Like, it's never that intimate of a party.

I don't know, I think that it's,
like, an interesting vibe

when it's, like, a party
at a sound stage with, like, a set.

-Yeah.
-Like, you're literally on a set.

And so... the sisters
are kinda mad at me.

-Ha!
-Kendall's not even showing up.

-Right. Kendall's not here.
-So, I was like, "Guys,

Khloé wants over the top."

Well, no, I just wanna,
like, dance and have fun.

Yeah.

My sisters started to have me
second-guess the whole theme.

Like, is it just lame
of an idea to have a theme?

If they just would show up and help me,

then we wouldn't have
been in this situation.

There has to be drama
in planning anything.

No one can just get along
and make it easy.

I mean, it's just...
It's what makes us, us.

Kim and I are on our way
to my birthday party.

Wait for the vibes, people,
wait for the vibes.

[♪ upbeat country music playing]

♪ Baby, welcome to the Wild West ♪

♪ Bring your boots, your horse,
and your denim vest ♪

♪ I ain't seen you 'round
these parts before ♪

♪ Nah ♪

♪ Drinkin' moonshine in the afternoon ♪

♪ Yeah, we're turnin'
it up in this saloon ♪

♪ See me dance, I bet you feel the spark ♪

[Khloé]
We're going to a sound stage?

[softly]
We have a sound stage.

♪ Show me what you got,
honey, skip that talkin' ♪

♪ Get back, hold on tight ♪

Oh, my God, I'm so nervous.
I hope she likes it.

Now, I'm kind of in my head.
Is this so cringey...

♪♪

...that, like, we're doing
a Dolly Parton-themed,

denim and diamonds


♪ I come and go as I please, tumbleweed ♪

♪ Left, right ♪

[Kim] Oh, my God,
so now, I'm so insecure...

thinking that everyone's gonna hate it.

-♪ Welcome to the hoedown ♪
-♪ To the hoedown ♪

-♪ We about to throw it down ♪
-♪ 'Bout to throw it down ♪

[singer yodels]

[♪ "Saddle Up" by Johnny Gillespie
ft. Seejai playing]

♪ Got my red cup, red cup ♪

♪ Fill it up, fill it up ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Lovin' life,
this is lookin' like a party ♪

♪ Go 'head and turn up, unh ♪

Oh, my God!

What in the actual [bleep]?

♪ I-I get lost in my ways ♪

♪ Saddle up ♪

♪ Party on ♪

♪ My drink's in my cup ♪

♪ Partyin', what's up ♪

[Khloé] This is major.
I can't even explain.

It's un-[bleep]-real.

The bar has all,
like, personalized drinks,

and it's Western chic,
but still pink, but not cheesy.

Every single square inch
is pure Khloé perfection.

It's perfect.

It's [bleep] perfect.

Hey! If you can me, say, "Hey!"

[all]
Hey!

So get your [bleep] asses
to the dance floor, you lame [bleep].

[♪ upbeat music playing]

♪ Party all night ♪

♪ I been in a mood ♪

♪ Ladies lookin' fine ♪

♪ Got me in a groove ♪

♪ Checkin' out my moves ♪

♪ I already knew ♪

♪♪

Everyone knows what
the intent is for tonight.

We're all just gonna get so [bleep] up.

♪ Little bit of me, little bit of you ♪

♪ We just wanna party
'cause it's what we love to do ♪

♪ Livin' on the edge,
we havin' the best times ♪

[Khloé] I just wanna be a [bleep]
slob kebab of a mess

and just not remember half the night.

♪♪

I think Kim was onto something

because I think
this is the best party ever.

And I don't know what
the energy was in the room...

[screaming]

[screaming continues]

...but everyone just, like, let loose.

♪ Everybody strike a pose ♪

♪ I just wanna see the way you move ♪

♪ Party all night ♪

♪ I've been in a mood ♪

Khlo-Money's in full effect.

Even I'm dancing, guys.
Even I am dancing.

[Khloé] I love it.
[bleep] do your flips, dance,

take shots, take your shoes off,

be a mess, throw up somewhere,
I don't care.

Live your best damn life.
I'm here for it. I love it.

[DJ] If you came to celebrate Khloé,
say, "Hell yeah."

[all cheering]

I have one more thing
planned for tonight.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[♪ intense music playing]

[voice] [over speakers]
Y'all ready for this?

I need your hands up in the air

-for the legend one time!
-[Khloé screaming]

-Put your [bleep] hands in the air!
-[DJ] Hands up!

-Happy birthday, Khloé.
-[DJ] Whoa, whoa,

-whoa, whoa!
-[Snoop Dogg] Let's go!

-[♪ singing "The Next Episode"]
-♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪

♪ It's the [bleep] D-O-double-G ♪

Snoop Dogg!

♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪

♪ You know I'm mobbin' with the D.R.E. ♪

If you came to have
a good time with Khloé tonight,

-make some [bleep] noise!
-[screaming]

Yes, sir. Ha-ha!

♪ Top Dogg, bite 'em all,
[bleep], burn that sh*t up ♪

♪ D-P-G-C, my [bleep], turn that sh*t up ♪

♪ C-P-T, L-B-C, yeah, we hookin' back up ♪

♪ And when they bang this in the club,
baby, you got to get up ♪

♪ Thug [bleep], drug dealers,
yeah, they givin' it up ♪

♪ Lowlife, yo' life,
boy, we livin' it up ♪

[Kim]
There's no one cooler.

There's no one better than Snoop Dogg.

♪ But you know I don't care ♪

♪ Step up in this [bleep]
just a-swingin' my hair ♪

♪ Hey, b*tch, quit talkin',
crip-walk if you're down with the set ♪

♪ Take a b*llet with some [bleep]
and take this dope on this jet ♪

[Kris] I love Snoop Dogg.
Love, love, love, love, love.

Yay!

♪ Come back, get back,
that's the part of success ♪

♪ If you believe in the S,
you'll be relievin' your stress ♪

Oh yeah, we gettin' busy tonight, y'all.

♪ Oh yeah ♪

-Hold on one second.
-[♪ music pauses]

This the part right here where I want you
to get your, get your groove on...

-Hold up.
-[♪ music resumes]

♪ Hey ♪

[Khloé]
I [bleep] love Snoop Dogg.

Like, I just love him.

Just for Snoop to come
and K-Kim to pull this off was incredible.

It's, like, the best private
concert of our lives.

♪ Take a seat ♪

♪ I hope you ready for the next episode ♪

♪ Hey ♪

[cheering, chattering]

And what the [bleep] we do every day?

-[crowd] Smoke weed every day!
-♪ Smoke weed every day ♪

[bleep] right.

-[cheering]
-Happy Birthday, Khloé!

I don't think Kim realizes how special
and magical tonight was.

And she's the reason for all that.

And, of course, my whole family
and friends taking the time to be here

and celebrating with me.

This night, it's honestly the best
night of my entire life.

And I get to say
that my sister did that for me.

[♪ "A Bar Song [Tipsy]"
by Shaboozey playing]

♪ Tell 'em, "Bring another round,
we need plenty more" ♪

Khloé is the most delicious,
special human I have ever met.

She's the most supportive,
amazing, loving person

that no matter what
is going on in her life,

she makes sure that you
are celebrated and loved,

and you feel it every single day.

[Robert]
Khloé... happy birthday.

-[crowd cheering]
-You!

Make your wish.

[Kris]
We love you, Khloé.

You better believe how much we love you.

♪ Good Lord ♪

♪ Someone pour me up
a double shot of whiskey ♪

♪ Everybody at the bar gettin' tipsy ♪

Khloé, the 40s are fan-[bleep]-tastic.

Don't give a [bleep] what anyone says.

I just hope that you know
how amazing you are.

I've been waiting for this birthday.
I've been shedding for at least a year.

[crowd cheering]

I think I just was so excited
to turn 40 and now I'm here.

This one moment here,
my first moment, me being 40,

is better than my entire


So, I've already won
'cause it was pretty epic.

♪ Someone pour me up
a double shot of whiskey ♪

♪ They know me
and Jack Daniel's got a history ♪

♪ There's a party downtown
near 5th Street ♪

♪ Everybody at the bar gettin' tipsy ♪

That's messed up, bro,
they kicked me outta the bar.

[cheering]

[Kim] Next on, The Kardashians...

Kim and Khloé take India.

And we are taking you guys with us.

-Oh, I don't do random dogs.
-Okay, you're fine.

We are not in Calabasas anymore.

-Oh.
-Thank you.

[announcer]
Three, two, one, go!

[Kourtney] We're here today
doing the Run Travis Run 5K.

My boobs are filled with milk.

I'm really just running
to just get it over with faster.

-[♪ upbeat music playing]
-[cameras clicking]

[Kim] We're here in India
for the Ambani wedding.

Look at the ceiling.

-[speaker] Oh, my God.
-[gasps]

Is it in your boobs?

Oh, my God,
I'm gonna have to pay for this.

Hi, Mom.
Hi, are you okay?

You never know when
you're gonna get a call like this.

This makes me really sad.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

♪ Little bit of me, little bit of you ♪

♪ We just wanna party
'cause it's what we love to do ♪

♪ Livin' on the edge,
we havin' the best times ♪

♪ Dancin' on me,
she move with the baseline ♪

♪ Work somethin', girl,
let me see you move ♪

♪ Go 'head, put your back into it, girl ♪

♪ Gettin' with a player like me ♪

♪ Night of your life, what it's gon' be ♪

♪ I just wanna see the way you move ♪

♪ Party all night, I've been in a mood ♪

♪ Ladies lookin' fine ♪

♪ Got me in the groove ♪

♪ Checkin' out my moves ♪

♪ I've been in a groove ♪

♪ Checkin' out my moves ♪

♪ Tryna do the things I do ♪

♪ Checkin' out my moves ♪

♪ I've been in a groove ♪

My 16th birthday, a convertible Mercedes

was flatbedded to my home

while my mom was on vacation.

And so, I was like,
"Oh, my gosh, I'm getting a new car!

I can't believe... I got a Mercedes?"
Like, "[bleep] yeah. So cool."

Guess who the Mercedes was for?

My mom.

So, you never know what
my birthday's gonna bring. [laughs]

[bell tolls]