07x01 - Feels Like the Old Days

[bunniefuu]

[♪ dramatic music playing]

-Wow, look at the…
-g*ns. Look right behind.

…machine g*ns.
Is this what it's gonna be like?

I am terrified out of my [bleep] mind.

They're like
"Someone has a hit out on you."

-[horns honking]
-They're saying I was asking for it.

-[♪ dramatic music playing]
-[sirens wailing]

It's changed our lives forever.

[Kris] Look at that.

They shouldn't be allowed in, right?

[Kris] Look at these people.

Back up, back up.

-[Kim] Oh, my God.
-h*-hold up.

This just doesn't feel safe.

[Kim Kardashian]
This season, on The Kardashians…

♪ I got that new, new vibe ♪

I just left a chat with Khloé.

[Simon Huck] You did?

I'm thinking, "What a p*ssy."

Bye.

♪ This train is right on track ♪

[Kourtney] She's just talking sh*t
about everything and everyone.

You are projecting.

I'm exhausted for you.

Are you exhausted that you're being
a [bleep] b*tch all the time?

I'm not shaming.

Don't take it personally.

You can suck my big fat [bleep].

[Van Jones] The biggest star in the world.

You go to Antarctica,
the penguins know who the Kardashians are.

[reporter] This morning,
Kim Kardashian walking into court.

[reporter 2] Reliving the terrifying night

when armed robbers held her at gunpoint.

[reporter 3] This morning,
the suspects in that violent crime

are now on trial.

[Kris] Do you think we really
should walk in there

with all the diamonds on?

-Should we rethink this?
-[Kim] No.

-I wanna be who I wanna be.
-[Kris] Okay.

And I feel like they took that
away from me.

You really love to ruin everyone's vibe.

-I was studying, I had to do it--
-No, you were glamming.

♪ Make 'em talk ♪

I heard footsteps walking into my room.

You can only imagine
how I'm feeling right now.

[Kendall] [on phone] I'm having
a panic attack with these phone calls.

Like, you guys are freaking me out.

♪ Make 'em talk ♪

-[siren blaring]
-[protesters shouting]

Oh, my gosh, cops coming.

I can't get arrested.

Oh, my God.

My one call? I guess, Kim. [chuckles]

Kim is my lawyer.

[Kim] I'm finishing up law school.

I'm hoping to take the bar this year.

The roller coaster is insane.

[crying] I'm just, like,
so emotional about it.

I just don't think I did
that good on the last set,

and it's, like, messing with me.

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah make 'em talk ♪

I think we're just in
a different places era.

Everything is so different,

and it's really [bleep] sad.

-[Kim] There's, like, a little aneurysm.
-Whoa.

[Kim] They're like, "Just stress,"
and I'm like…

People think that I have the luxury
of walking away.

[over phone] This week has been
the hardest week of my life.

[voice breaking] I'm happy it's over.

My ex will be in my life no matter what.

We have four kids together.

Last night, I was like,
"Why the [bleep] is this happening?"

-You're not allowed to tell anyone.
-[Kris] Okay.

-[Kendall] I'm serious.
-Okay.

Dear Heavenly Father,
give me the patience…

-It's not that big of a deal.
-Okay, but those aren't my directions.

…because I'm about to lose my sh*t.

Let's not sweat the small stuff.

-sh*t happens, Khloé.
-I'm really disappointed in you.

Me too.

When you become responsible
for so many people,

and so many businesses,

-and every single thing--
-Yeah, but you have to be responsible

for yourself, too.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

-Well, hey!
-[Kris] Hello!

[sing-songy] ♪ My name is Kim Kardashian ♪
[normal] I wish.

Already drunk. But I need another.

What's going on?

Robert, would you ever
come back and start filming?

You b*tches better watch out.

[Khloé laughing]

Noice.

Hi.

[camera clicking]

-[bleep]
-I don't know who to believe,

that I feel like it's crazy and crazy.

[echoing laughter]

[cameras clicking]

Yes!

This is tea!

This is gonna be good.

Is Bob here?

No judgment, but it's good TV.

[Khloé] Bobby!

[♪ dramatic, orchestral music playing]

[sing-songy] ♪ Season seven! ♪

Spirit fingers.

Is that right,
or am I supposed to slam it?

-[slate slams]
-Let's do it.

We are back.

You have no idea what's coming.

Maybe some familiar faces
are back this season.

Season seven, I am here for the ride.

We're back and we're refreshed.

So, take a good look
at this money-maker, guys,

'cause I'm getting a face lift
next week on Wednesday.

-[crew cheering]
-Oh, yeah.

-So, enjoy.
-[producer] Stop!

[producer] You are looking amazing.

-Oh, thank you.
-[producer] What have you been up to?

[♪ music winds down and stops]

Uh…

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[phone ringing]

-She's on her way.
-Gird your loins.

[♪ upbeat music continues]

-[phone ringing]
-She's coming?

-She's coming!
-[people clamoring]

-She's coming!
-[people clamoring]

[elevator dings]

-[♪ upbeat music continues]
-[clamoring continues]

[♪ upbeat music continues]

[Kris] Get Domenico on the phone.

Where is that piece of paper
I had in my hand yesterday?

Where is Kim?

Is she in law school or something?

RSVP "Yes" to the Tommy Hilfiger show.

Where's Kylie?
Am I reaching for the stars?

Is my lunch here?

[♪ upbeat music continues]

[employees clamoring]

Is the Kourtney meeting
confirmed for later?

-Yes.
-And what time does Kylie wrap?

-Three p.m.
-Get me Khloé on the phone.

And where's my steak?

Is the Eldorado Meadow house staged?

Is it ready to go to market?

-Perfect.
-[♪ upbeat music playing]

Oh, I don't want that.

I'm gonna have lunch with Corey.

That's all.

[dish shattering]

I don't want problems. I want solutions.

Why is no one ready?

[waves crashing]

♪ They could describe everything ♪

♪ With one single word ♪

[♪ "Gnarly" by KATSEYE playing]

♪ Everything's gnarly ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na-na-gnarly ♪

-♪ Gnarly ♪
-♪ Na-na-na, na-na-gnarly ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na-na-gnarly ♪

♪ Everything's gnarly ♪

♪ Hottie, hottie ♪

♪ This ain't just a hobby
I'm legit, I'm legit ♪

[Khloé] Wow.

You look very, um, old-school glamour.

[gasps] Thank you.

Yeah, very chic.

-Tres chic, some might say.
-Tres chic?

[Khloé] I love being 40.

Being 40 has been sensational,

and I'm thrilled.

I saw a meme or a quote or something,

and it was like "Why are you so happy?"

And the person said,
"Because I'm not dating."

And I'm like, "Yes, I actually feel great

with that energy right now."

"Palisades fire, 63% contained."

There's no way it's still bur-- burning.

[Khloé] "Eaton fire 89% containment."

But they're letting them burn the brush.

-It's all controlled.
-[Scott] Oh.

[Khloé] It's not structures.

-Dude, that sh*t got close, boy.
-[phone chiming]

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[Stephanie Ramos]
Los Angeles is a city under siege,

battling the most destructive wildfires
in its history.

[fire crackling]

It's heart-wrenching to watch.

-[siren wailing]
-All of Hidden Hills were evacuated.

So many of the people that we love
have lost everything they had.

[Kendall] Everybody was kind of
on edge thinking, like,

anything could happen at any moment.

It was just hard to even wrap
my head around it.

-[sirens wailing]
-[Kim] My mom was in New York.

She got her face done
the day of the fires.

We didn't want to stress her out,

and she was obviously out of it,

but my grandma was near us

so we all were packing up her stuff,

packing up all of my stuff,

I'm in a rental.

It was just insanity.

So scary for everybody involved,

and it's so devastating

for all of those people
who lost their homes.

And I just pray about all
of these people all the time

along with my family,

and our deepest condolences to anyone

who's been affected by this.

[♪ solemn music playing]

[Khloé] The police were coming by…

-[Scott] Me too.
-…evacuating people.

[Scott] Yeah, me too.

I just kept saying "I'm leaving."

I just got Tatum out of there,

and then I had to stay and find the cats.

Oh, they were outside?

No, they stay inside.

-But they--
-But they were hidden inside?

They were hiding. Like, I guess they know.

-They could tell?
-[Khloé] Yes.

[bleep] cats are good.

And it was crazy.

So me and security had to, like,
look around the house and find them.

I lit-- literally lifted, like,
three mattresses.

So your security was looking for p*ssy?

Yeah, they were.

-[Scott] Not a bad job.
-Nope.

Did the pod air

-on the night of the fires?
-[Khloé] Yes.

Okay, number one, this is--

You are the very first person
that is recording with me…

-No way.
-…in my podcast space.

Oh, I didn't know that.

We were in the top five.

[Khloé] I did end up using Scott
for my first episode,

and it just so happens that
the second week of January

the California wildfires broke out.

And it obviously was not
the right time to launch anything.

We're all scrambling and evacuating,

and the very last thing
that anyone is doing

is listening to a podcast.

-So I'm like the guinea pig?
-[coughs] Yes.

-And then I'm not even the first ep?
-Well, I don't know.

Oh, 'cause you'll probably get
somebody more famous than me…

No, it just depends
what you give me today.

-[Scott] That's horse manure.
-Well, hey, let's see what you got.

I'll give you everything
I've always wanted to give you.

-But I-- Oh, God, I'm scared.
-[Scott chuckles]

Believe it or not, I mean,
with everything going on,

it still is doing really,
really, really great.

I have somethin' I gotta throw past ya.

-'Kay.
-And you could tell me what you think.

[Khloé] Okay.

So, I've been thinking
about it for a minute,

and I-- you know,
the fires were kinda crazy

and everything I feel like
in California's been pretty crazy.

I think I might move back to New York.

[♪ tense music playing]

-Shut up.
-[Scott] Yeah.

[Khloé] But you can't.

-But I can.
-[Khloé laughs]

I know you can, but--

I just don't really have that much reason

to live in Hidden Hills anymore.

[♪ tense music continues]

[birds chirping]

I just don't really have that much reason

to live in Hidden Hills anymore.

What about Mason?

He'd probably move with me.

[Khloé] That's insanity.

Yeah.

And then I would, you know,
fly the other kids out.

Where would you guys live?

Probably uptown.

And go-- He could go to school,
like a private school uptown.

Moving to New York?

Where the [bleep] is this coming from?

What are you gonna do with your kids?
Are they gonna be bi-coastal?

Are you getting rid of your house here?

Does Kourtney know?
How does she feel about this?

Are you still gonna film the show?

What's happening?

[Scott] I would probably sell this house.

Oh, my God.

And I'd sell the other houses
that I'm building,

and then I would do the same thing there,

and just, you know,
do buildings and apartments,

and stuff like that.

I don't think any of this
is thoroughly thought out.

This is like an impulse purchase,

but an impulse move,

and that-- that's never good.

But the biggest thing is
obviously Penelope and Reign,

and, uh, how much and how easy
it would be for them

to be there, and get back and forth,

and me come back and forth.

[♪ pensive music playing]

But I haven't talked to, like, Kourt

or the kids or anything like that yet.

Yeah, would Mason be okay with it?

Well… I don't know.

I'd have to figure out the plan

of how often I would see
my kids, obviously.

That would be the biggest…

-Factor.
-…factor.

But I do kind of feel like…

that's what I wanna do.

A lot of people lately
have asked me, like,

"What are you doing in Hidden Hills,"
you know, like,

"with your social life?"

And I'm like, "Well, you know,
I don't do a ton."

[Khloé] Scott is like a brother to me.

I've known Scott for over 20 years.

We started the shows together,
we have so much history,

and so, regardless, Scott is always
gonna be family to me,

and I don't want to lose any of my family.

I want us all to be together,

and to stick together.

I'm just so used to my life
being the way it is,

that if I don't do anything,
I just feel like

I might regret it one day.

[Khloé] You're just comfortable,
it's easier.

Like, in my 40s, I never socialized.

-[Khloé] Yeah.
-But when I was in my 20s and 30s,

I was a damn butterfly.

I think we're--
we're jumping the g*n here a little bit.

[♪ gentle music playing]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[horse nickering]

[hooves clacking]

[♪ light country western music playing]

I have one of my horses
down the street in the neighborhood,

so I'm often around riding
through the trails and stuff.

My mom will probably k*ll me,
but you can let him eat grass.

Come here.

My mom and Khloé had texted me
that they were going to Eldorado,

and I thought "Why not stop by
while I was out on the trails."

Hey. This way, sir.

-Hey.
-Hi!

Eldorado Meadow is a house

that I have owned since 2008
or '09, I think.

-I want to show you what Ryan did.
-'Kay.

-Yeah.
-[Khloé] But on a budget.

[Kris] We were sh**ting our family TV show
there for a long time,

and at one point or another,

everyone, I think, has lived
at Eldorado Meadow.

I miss all those wonderful times

that we've had at Eldorado Meadow
and I miss the memories,

but I think it's time to move on.

It's time to let go of that,

and let somebody else enjoy
that beautiful space,

with that fantastic energy.

[♪ whimsical, orchestral music playing]

So, what do you guys think?

-[Kendall] It looks so good.
-[Kris] First impression.

So much brighter, so much nicer.

Wait, were these floors here
the whole time under that mirror thing?

-[Khloé] Under the glass.
-[Kris] Yeah.

[Kendall] Oh, thank God
you didn't take them out.

-Yeah.
-[Kendall] That mirror situation

-was crazy.
-[Kris] I know.

You know, some of the choices I made

were just growing up,
and different chapters.

-I get it.
-[Kendall] Yeah, of course.

It's really bittersweet to walk through
the Eldorado Meadow house

because this house holds
so many significant memories.

I got engaged at this home.

We're having a baby!

I announced I was pregnant with True
at this home in the backyard.

The parties we've thrown there,
the fighting, the love.

There's so much heart within these walls,

and those black and white floors
will always be,

dare I say, iconic.

Doesn't this bring back so many memories?

Oh, my God, it's gonna
be so sad that it's gone.

I know. Kendall and Kylie lived here.

[producer] What's the thought
behind letting it go?

-Cash.
-[crew laughing]

I mean, is… is that a question?

[Ryan Saghian] I know, they turned
your room into a closet.

I know, so not nice.

I lost my virginity in that room.

-[Kris] Uh, what?!
-[Ryan laughing]

Stop it, where was I?

-[water gurgling]
-[birds chirping]

[Ryan] But how did you do it
if they were home?

-[Kris] Was I in the next room?
-[Kendall] I-- I actually didn't.

-[Khloé] Don't think you did. It was--
-I didn't. I didn't.

Yeah, it was at his house.

-Yeah.
-That's what I want to know.

-What?
-[Ryan] Like, were they not home?

-'Cause I can't even pee if they're home.
-No, you guys didn't care.

-No, it was--
-Didn't care?!

Not only did she not know,
she really didn't give a [bleep].

She was like, "Oh, you're going out
till Wednesday?

-Great. Never come back."
-[crew laughing]

[Khloé] I love that I remember
where you lost your virginity.

-[Kendall] Yeah.
-Look at how pretty this looks.

[chuckling] I was like, "Why do I…"

We're children number five and six,

and she's just--
She has no more energy for us.

My dad was more, like,
strict on the rules.

Let's go upstairs.

Ugh. My room.

-[Khloé] My closet.
-[Kendall] So sad.

[Khloé] Mom said, "As soon as you're out,

-I'm turning this into a closet."
-[Kendall] So sad.

My bathroom's still the same, though.

[Khloé] Even sadder.

I'm actually really upset about this.

[Kris] The fact that I could
hear her driving away

while they were starting construction

might be a bit of a problem…
[chuckling]

…but, you know, call me crazy.

I had to do what I had to do,
and I needed a closet,

and, guys, I built one, okay?

[♪ whimsical music playing]

[Kendall] Wait, can I have
a bite of this Krispy Kreme?

[Khloé] Wait, I was just gonna say,
are those real?

Ryan, are these new?

[Ryan] They're from
last week, don't eat it.

-[Kendall] I like this.
-[Khloé] Mm.

I think they're good.

We should have a farewell dinner here.

-I'm so down.
-[Khloé] Yeah.

And just have us all come and have dinner.

At the dining room table.

-Can we have fresh Krispy Kremes?
-Yeah.

[Khloé] I will take
any family time I can get.

Lately, that has not been happening.

Like, "I have a baby." "I'm married."

"I have a boyfriend."
"I have a sh**t tomorrow."

"I'm in another country."

Nobody gives a [bleep],

and nobody makes an effort,

and it's super obnoxious.

I would absolutely love
if everyone came to dinner

one last time at this house, all together.

Shut the [bleep] up
and make this a priority.

It looks so good, Ryan.

-I'm so glad you like it.
-Ryan, I love.

The memories go back so far,

and we've celebrated so many things,

birthday parties, engagements, weddings.

All of our favorite holidays

have been celebrated at this house
for over a decade,

and I just think that
it would be really great

to have one last supper

in the house, as a family.

[Kendall] I'm more shocked
that he's like…

I've never seen a horse want to get pet.

…so chill about the camera.

[Kris] His eyes are beautiful.

[Ryan] Hey, you're so fine.

-That's so cool what you just did.
-[Kendall chuckles]

-Pretty nice.
-Kendall gets compliments

no matter what she does.

[mockingly] "Oh, look at you
with the wife-beater and jeans."

Like, I wear the same thing,
no one says sh*t to me.

[♪ light country western music playing]

[horse whinnies]

[city traffic noise, car horns honking]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

-Ooh, thank you.
-You're welcome.

There's a-- a juice-snack guy

that gets you whatever you want.

It's heaven here.

I am sh**ting a Ryan Murphy TV show.

[producer] This is a much bigger role.
Is there more pressure for this role?

I am terrified out of my [bleep] mind.

-[slate claps]
-[director] Action.

[Kim] I'm acting,

but also producing this.

I've never been through this process,

being a number one on the call sheet,

and the-- heading a project,
like what that means.

-[assistant] Cutting.
-[hands smacking]

This is different.

It's a full character. I play a lawyer.

The most amazing cast.

Naomi Watts, Niecy Nash, Sarah Paulson,

Glenn Close, Teyana Taylor.

We're like these kick-a*s women,

and there's a lot of drama
in this law firm.

"Whoa, the whole legal swat team."

Nice to see you, Francine.

I always want to say, like, "Fran…"

-[script reader] …coise.
-I always want to say-- Francoise.

That's probably what I'm saying.

Filming a TV show is just
a whole different beast.

Being on a reality show
is really schedule-friendly,

and so, jumping into something
where sometimes

I have to leave my house at 4:00 a.m.

It's just a really big life commitment,

and I'm super grateful
for this opportunity.

It's just, I think I was,
you know, figuring out

what the process is.

Learning as I go has been
really interesting.

We suggest primary
physical custody for our client.

It's just crazy to think we've been
filming this for seven months.

I had to film so much with a broken foot,

and work around it.

I was like "I can't extend it
because then I have bar prep."

Like, my schedule is micromanaged.

If Mr. Bishop begins
discussing politics or his theories,

um, that visit will be
terminated immediately.

You want to know what's so crazy?

Is that I haven't had psoriasis

since I've gotten a divorce…

[producer] Stop.

…and it just started coming back.

-[producer] Hmm, I wonder why.
-Any time I feel like

things get a little…

Hairy?

Yep.

My psoriasis came back.

I just have psoriasis all over my legs.

That's just because you're stressed out.

Well, tell the father of my children
to stop acting up,

and then I won't stress out
and get psoriasis!

[producer] How are you doing
with all of that?

I was pretty tested, I will say.

Very tested.

I mean, I have psoriasis again.

Like, I could-- I felt it coming.

It-- I mean, I felt more stressed

probably just because I had to, you know,

super, super protect…
what I had to protect.

My kids are involved now, so…

What's your coping mechanism?

[♪ gentle music playing]

Mm.

I don't know.

I really don't know.

[producer] Your ex-husband,
when you see the behavior happening,

just like everybody else sees it…

what's going through your mind?

[crickets chirping]

[producer] When you see
the behavior happening,

just like everybody else sees it,

what's going through your mind?

My poor kids.

Everyone around can handle it,

but, like…

protect my babies.

[♪ gentle music playing]

-Hi.
-[Khloé] [on phone] Hey, girl.

[Kim] Are they asleep?

[Khloé] Chi, look who's on the phone.

Guess.

I'm gonna do the prank.

[Kim] Oh, you're gonna
do a prank on Drew?

[Chicago] No. Remember that
we said at school

that we go to the basement
and sneak candy?

[Kim] Oh, okay.

[♪ gentle music continues]

They're gonna know things.

They're gonna grow up,
they're gonna see.

So, my job as a mom, is to just make sure

that at a time when that
behavior is happening,

is just to make sure
that they are protected.

It was the first time,
I think, one of my kids

knew what was happening.

I've been able to hide it for so long.

I always felt like I had a little bit
of, like, Stockholm Syndrome,

to where I always felt really bad,
and always protected,

and always, like, wanted to… to help,

and this was the first time I didn't feel
that responsibility personally.

You know, "I should have stuck it out,
I could have helped--" You know?

Like, this was the first time
I was just like…

As much as people think
that I have the luxury

of walking away,
and not dealing ever again,

that's not my reality.

This person, we have four kids together.

It's-- It's very confusing because

it'll be all this talk on the internet
of, like, I'm keeping the kids. I'm--

He's never once called and asked.

But then I'll wake up, and it's on Twitter
that I'm keeping the kids.

So, it's just when it's not true,

and not rational, I just have to, like…

I can't engage all the time.

[Khloé] [on phone]
What are you doing, Chicago?

[Kim] [gasps] What a cutie!

[kids screaming on phone]

[Khloé] Tatum, say goodnight
to Auntie Kiki.

-[Kim] Good--
-Goodbye!

[Kim] Goodbye. Will you sleep
at my house one time?

[Chicago yelling]

Oh, you can-- you can have him.

It's a divorce, not a kidnapping.

We haven't left. We're in the same spot.

We have the same address,
so he knows where his kids are at.

What happened to the house
that you bought next door,

and we were gonna, like, co-parent,

and do it, like, back and forth,
and you take 'em to school every day?

I was like, "Have dinner
with us every night."

Let's have dinner as a family every night.

And, obviously, it was just
that wasn't what he wanted.

And I get that, maybe that's too much,

but that's just what I saw

from my mom and my stepdad
and-- and my dad.

So, it was like,
I just saw the best co-parenting,

the best healthy relationships.

So…

It is what it is.

But it's over, for now.

So, it's like you breathe, you get--

And then you're, like-- get antsy like,

"It's been a little too quiet,
it's… gearing up."

[producer] Has he ever apologized?

No.

I'm not looking for it,
I don't-- I don't care.

-♪ Hold on to hope ♪
-[line ringing]

♪ It's gonna be okay ♪

Hi, Sainty.

[Saint] [on phone]
Why can't I have blue eyes?

[Kim] Well, 'cause you just were born
with beautiful brown eyes.

Is it sad? It is so [bleep] sad.

But I can't stress too much about that.

I still have to worry
about so many other things,

and I can't be a mess,

and then have them see that.

If they think I'm okay,
then they'll be strong, too.

You know, your dad wore
contact lenses once, of blue eyes.

I'll show you a picture of that, too.

You know you can put contacts in
when you're bigger.

-♪ Hold on to hope ♪
-[knocking on door]

-[Kim] Come in.
-[crew member] We got to be there at 7:30.

-[Saint] Okay, bye.
-I love you, bye.

♪ Hold on to hope ♪

[♪ "Just What I Wanted"
by Vanacore Music playing]

♪ Just what I wanted ♪

♪ What's it gonna take
for you to love me? ♪

♪ Just what I wanted ♪

♪ Just what I wanted ♪

[producer] Good morning.

Ready for the bootcamp?

-[♪ music stops abruptly]
-No. Not at all.

[Khloé] Malika and I are on our way
to Barry's for a workout,

and for a Lemme event

that Simon Huck invited me to.

[laughs]

I don't know if even Kourtney knew
I was invited.

It's gonna be great.

I was at my mom's, and she came there,

and I go, "Oh, I'm going
to your event tomorrow."

She's like "You are?" And I go "Yeah."

And she's like "That's nice."

And I'm like "Okay."

♪ You know we gon' run it up ♪

[slurping]

♪ This is what you really want ♪

♪ You know we gon' run it up ♪

[voice assistant] Scurrilous.

Scurrilous.

-Do you know what "scurrilous" means?
-Is that--

No. Is that your word of the day?

"Scurrilous" is like scandalous.

Insulting, offensive.

Okay, that was [bleep] scurrilous!

[line ringing]

-[Kris] [on phone] Hi. I know.
-[Khloé] Mom.

[Kris] What, my angel?

Don't be so scurrilous
with the things you say.

[Kris] Okay, I won't.

-What does "scurrilous" mean?
-Exactly!

My word of the day…

is I don't give a "damnesia".

-Oh, damnesia.
-[Malika chuckles]

[Khloé] Well, we're on our way
to work out with…

[in British accent]
Kourtney.

[Kris] Ah! Wow,
she's coming out of the house

and wearing sweatpants?

I don't know what she's wearing,
and we're also doing car cam,

so don't be crazy, don't be scurrilous.

[Kris] Oh, wow, okay. Ha-ha!

I'd like to know what rocker t-shirt
she's wearing today,

-I can't wait.
-Okay. [laughs]

You scurrilous little squirrel.

Jealous?

[chuckling] You wish Corey had

the coolest rocker tee collection in town.

Like, what are you gonna
wear of Corey's?

A silk button down? She probably would.

[Khloé] Kourt,
I love your rocker t-shirts,

and I support anything you wanna wear.

Rock on with your bad self.

[bell dings]

Scurrilous. [clicks tongue]

I just learned how to wink,
if you can't tell.

[Kris] Okay, you little squirrels.

Okay, scurly.

-Bye.
-[Kris] Bye.

[Malika] I'm so excited
that we're in traffic,

we might miss a bit of the bootcamp.

-[Khloé] I don't think so.
-[laughs]

You already know Kourtney's
not gonna be anywhere

near on time 'cause she,
I doubt, has left yet,

-and I don't think she realizes.
-Check on--

-Check on her.
-I should tell her.

[line ringing]

-[Kourtney] [on phone] Hi.
-[Khloé] Hi, are you on your way?

I'm on my way.

Me and Travis.

Oh, nice.

Remember when Barry
called me fat? [laughs]

No.

Who is Barry?

This was years and years ago
and we were running,

and I stopped,
and he was like, "That's why you're fat!"

And I was like, "That's why I'm here!"

Stop it.

Yes.

I was fatter, and we were working out,

and I, like, remember taking a break

'cause I, like, couldn't run,

and he was like, "That's why you're fat."

And I just remember, like,

"God, that's a weird way
to encourage people."

But it was a different time.

This was like 2006.

Biggest Loser and diet pills,

and you were allowed to call people fat.

But we never spoke after that.

That's literally the whole exchange.

Okay, well, we'll see you soon. [chuckles]

Lovely.

[♪ "Here It Comes Now"
by Vanacore Music playing]

[♪ singer vocalizes]

♪ Here it comes now ♪

♪ Here it comes now ♪

♪ Let's go to work ♪

[Kourtney]
Tell me what we're doing, Simon.

[Simon] Okay. So, we're gonna
do the class together,

but I have you with, like,
a kind of like a Britney Spears mic,

like hyping people on
and welcoming everyone.

You didn't prepare a speech?

-No.
-No, there's no speech.

-I don't wanna--
-Just, "Welcome to Ba--

Welcome to Barry's."

Welcome to Barry's, b*tches.

-[Simon laughing]
-Wait, Khloé just told me a story,

-we don't have to use this.
-Okay.

She said that Barry called her fat.

Oh, the fat-- He passed away, though.

[♪ awkward music playing]

The initial Barr-- [laughs]

-Okay.
-[laughing]

-Hi!
-Hi!

-Barry passed away.
-Huh?

Barry passed away.

[indistinct chatter]

Stop. When?

Well, I don't know. I said it to Simon,

and then he goes "He passed away."

And then I said "Oh."

RIP.

[♪ awkward music continues]

[crew] I don't see anything about
him being dead.

-He's not dead?
-[producer] He's not dead.

No. He's very much alive.

He's not dead.

Kourtney's such an idiot.

I'm calling her.

Hold on.

-[Kourtney] Hi.
-Do you want to die, you moron?

-[Kourtney] Why?
-Kourt, Barry's not really dead.

[FaceTime ringing]

Kourt, Barry's not really dead.

[Kourtney] No, he said-- I thought he said
he was actually dead.

[laughing] No.

-He--
-[laughter]

I'm dying.

I am spreading scurrilous information.

[Kourtney] No, I think he's dead.

[line ringing]

We just wanted to clear the air,
officially,

on camera, that Barry is alive.

[Simon] Barry-- Well, yeah--
Barry is alive.

Barr-- That was a huge mistake.

I-- I cannot believe I started
a rumor that he was dead,

but he is, in fact, alive and with us.

We are so happy,
and I hope Barry is not offended.

-[Simon] Oh, my God.
-Um,

alright, we just needed to clear that up.

[Simon] Consider it cleared.

[people chattering]

[kissing]

I'm ready to go workout.

Let's do this babe.

'Kay.

Simon, are we waiting for something?

-No, we're ready to start.
-Let's do it.

Okay, let's do it.

♪ If you want it, go get it ♪

[♪ upbeat music playing]

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ If you want it, go get it ♪

Hi. Testing, testing.

I hope everyone is ready to run.

No!

Wait, I feel like I look great
in this lighting.

-[laughter]
-This lighting is awesome.

You guys, should we walk instead of run?

Uh, uh, totally.

[Travis] Let's run.

-Travis wants to run, Travis, run.
-Don't let Travis have that microphone.

Are we ready?

I don't think we have all day.

[♪ "Turn Up the Energy" by LiTTiE
and The Mondays playing]

♪ Turn up the energy ♪

♪ Get on my frequency ♪

♪ E-e-e-energy ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

-[instructor] Shake it out a little bit.
-I have to go make a video.

[instructor] …and core.
We're gonna pitch it over.

-We go right to your triceps.
-[Kourtney] Whoo!

[instructor] Two, one. Let's do it, guys!

Hi guys.

-[instructor continues indistinctly]
-[♪ upbeat music playing]

Well, the "instructor" has left
the building.

The instructor decided to instruct herself

to do a photo sh**t.

[♪ music stops]

Pretty… typical.

-[♪ upbeat music resumes playing]
-[camera shutter clicking]

Oh my God. You're gonna love.

[lip-syncing] In case you wanted to see it
with sunglasses, here's your shot.

-That was perfect.
-One take.

-[camera clicking]
-Lemme is my eighth child,

but my priority is still being at home

and being a mom.

But I love a good multitasking,

and when I have something work-related

to be able to also see my friends,

and see my sister,

and be with my husband,

it's amazing.

-[kiss smacking]
-Mwah.

-I love you.
-I love you.

-Thank you for coming, baby.
-Of course.

If we never come back here, I'm okay.

Can I ride with you guys?

Ugh… Yes.

[Khloé] Oh, I have a car seat.

How do we remove the car seat?

[Malika] Why don't we
put him in the front,

and I can sit next to the car seat
'cause I'm shorter?

[Khloé] No. We can move
the car seat into the back.

No, it's fine, there's four of us.

I'll sit in the middle.

[Malika] Do you want to sit in the front
'cause your legs are longer?

-[Simon] No. No, I do not.
-Yeah, sit in the front.

No, don't-- Sit in the front,
Daddy Long legs.

-Malika, go in the back.
-That's what I just said.

-Yeah, don't listen to him.
-Here, grab this, then.

[Simon] …the car seat, I didn't realize.

-No, I, I-- Guys, I said this.
-[Simon] Okay.

Everyone shut up!

[Simon groans]

[Khloé] Black Hawk Down. I'm famished.

[Simon] Well, I thought that was
really successful.

Okay!

How do you get the [bleep]
out of this joint?

Oh, I have to reverse, got it.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[Simon] Wait, I can't wait to tell you
what we're working on for Lemme.

Okay, so the thing we're doing next is

we're doing Lemme Play,

which is a libido gummy.

Oh, my God.

-[Kourtney] And…
-For both men and women.

…we're using Julia Fox

-in the… campaign.
-Stop.

Stop.

Yeah. In the campaign.

We asked Julia Fox to be in our campaign

because she's a girl's girl,

she's a cultural icon.

Does Kimberly know?

We called her and asked her.

So, I definitely wanted to talk to Kim

about if she felt comfortable

with us using Julia Fox because

Julia Fox dated Kanye
after Kim and Kanye broke up.

I don't know how Kim's gonna react,

but I also know if the shoe was
on the other foot

it would be… another w*r.

So, I'm just like, "Ooh, okay."

Who told who and who knows what?

'Cause I hate that I'm always
in the middle.

So, I just need to know
what everybody knows

so I know how to play my cards.

[producer] What would you do
if the shoe was on the other foot?

I mean, I just don't have
the energy to care,

or focus on those types of things.

But I feel like Kim's in a different place

and didn't care.

It's more like Khloé
just trying to be like…

licking Kim's a*s one more time.

And what'd she say? No.

[Kourtney] Hi.

Hi.

[Kourtney] Your nipple's showing. [laughs]

I just got out of the shower.

Um, we're doing a new product.

It's like a Lemme libido gummy.

Ya.

So you're gonna go to Kris Jenner…

and Corey Gamble for the campaign?

-[Kourtney] We're--
-[laughs] Better.

We're, um--
The team had reached out to some people,

but one of them was Julia Fox.

Stop.

So I wanted to know
how you felt about that.

Oh, I don't care.

-Really?
-Ya.

It doesn't matter to me.

-Okay.
-Ok. Ok bye guys.

-Bye, Kim.
-Have fun.

Thanks.

I think that the actual concept
with Julia Fox for Lemme

is really, really cute.

It's never worth doing something like that

for the sake of, like, a viral moment,

or sales, or anything if it would offend

or hurt someone in my family.

So, I just wanted to make sure
that Kim was okay with it.

Now we're in contract,
and now we're sh**ting it.

[Khloé] You guys, that's genius.

Julia Fox is celibate.

-She has not had sex in four years.
-Okay.

And this gummy is all about,
like, self-pleasure, too,

so it's not just about partner pleasure.

You can take this gummy and also--

I haven't had sex in over three years.

-This gummy is perfect for you.
-Oh, good.

-Would you like to make a cameo?
-Yes, I will.

Do you think that…

it's healthy…

that Khloé's not dating?

I think while you have young kids,

if there's no one worth your time,
focus on your kids.

You're really not dating anyone, Khlo?

There's no one on your roster?

Nope.

Like, not even anyone you're DM'ing?

Nope, not anyone I'm texting.

I don't have any person's phone number.

-So, like, your--
-I could leave my phone around you.

Your nudes are going--

-There aren't even nudes?
-I don't have nudes.

-What nudes?
-Oh, God.

-This is Simon's disbelief.
-[Simon] Yeah.

Kim's always trying to get her out there.

No, [bleep] that.

[producer laughs]

-That even turns me on.
-With…

[laughter]

A little skinny.

[Khloé] It is a little skinny.

-[Malika] Doesn't take much.
-[Simon] It's a little skinny.

[♪ gentle music playing]

♪ Woke up to the birds
singing hallelujah ♪

♪ Can you feel the energy
running through ya? ♪

♪ Oh, the weekend couldn't
have come sooner ♪

♪ Only see good days in my future ♪

Wow. Wow.

We are really doing it up tonight.

Is that a Jell-O shot?

Eldorado Meadow is
officially on the market…

[party crowd] Surprise!

[Kris] …and it's very melancholy
and emotional for me

because we had a lot
of memories in that house.

And I want to have
one last family dinner there

just so that everybody
can say goodbye to the house,

and just talk about all
the memories we share.

♪ Got me feeling right, so right ♪

♪ The kind of right that lets you know
you're gonna be fine ♪

Whoa, that's our energy tonight, Mom?

[Kris] Hey! Jell-O shot.

I just have a lot of memories,
so much history here.

This was the house that I grew up in

around my, like, high school years.

Those are very formative years,

and I was really getting
to know myself in that house,

and just being a high-schooler,

maybe some mischief here and there.

So, I'm sad to see it go.
I hope no one tears it down.

[♪ gentle music playing]

♪ This could be too good to me ♪

-[Kendall] Feels like the old days.
-[kids laughing]

So long since I've seen you.

-Are you crying?
-No, I wasn't, I just…

-Hi, Lovey.
-Hi, how are you?

Hi, you cutie pies.

♪ There's nowhere I'd rather be today ♪

-[Kris] Uh! Oh--
-Hi, Mom. Hi.

Oh, my God.

-Hi, Lovey.
-Hi, my angel.

I love you, and I miss you.

-Wait, those aren't your n*pples, right?
-No.

Oh. Is that your belly button? No.

-[Khloé] No.
-[Kris] Oh, okay.

We're just wearing somebody else's?

[Khloé] Yes.

Where's Sister Tiger?

Um, let me find her.

Your mom's just trying to take
a Jell-O shot real quick.

[Tatum chattering]

♪ Today's the day ♪

[♪ upbeat music playing]

I have the night off from All's Fair.

Scenes got moved around,

so I am so happy that I could be here.

And it's just such a special house.

Most of Keeping Up With the Kardashians
was filmed at that house.

I mean, just so many memories
at this house.

We're such a nostalgic family.

Hi, Psalmy!

Hi.

Hi.

Look at this house.

The black and white checkered floors
when you walk in.

-Horrible, those floors.
-[crew laughing]

Horrendous.

But iconic.

Hi. Oh, a Jell-O shot.

Look at how great you look.

-Hi. Mwah.
-Thank you.

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ Yeah, you, you, you ♪

♪ Yeah, I heard that giving thanks… ♪

Jell-O shots.

-Hi.
-Hi.

So much has happened
at the Eldorado Meadow house.

Mason's first Christmas was there,

many Christmas Eves, before I took over.

My mom's house was like the home base.

I feel like if you stop
by Mom's house at Eldorado,

there was always someone there.

Are you gonna cry?

Yeah.

-[Kourtney] Yeah.
-Of course I am.

[Kourtney]
I was thinking about it last night,

and I was literally about to cry.

Yeah.

I was thinking,
if you really start thinking

-about all the memories.
-[Rocky chattering]

-[Kim] Like, there was a time…
-Reign.

…when all my racks of clothes were here.

-[Kris] Your boxes.
-[Kim] North was born here.

Saint was born here.

I moved in after I had North.

Like, I came from the hospital
straight to my mom's house.

Growing up with, like, Kendall
and Kylie being teenagers,

and me living in the house,

that was really special.

♪ Oh, give me something good ♪

-[Kourtney] Hi!
-[Kylie] Hi!

[gasps] Hi!

Oh, my God, you scared me.

-Not with my hands.
-Na-na-na-na.

This house is so special.

I feel like I lived in this home,

they were really formative years
in my life.

Hi! I've missed you.

It was the last time

that Kendall and I lived
under the same roof.

One of my favorite times

in my 28 years.

In my long life, right?

"Farewell Eldorado."

Did you have a good day?

[Kourtney] I don't want
to be super negative,

but I had, like,
the worst fitting of my life.

-And I--
-What are you fitting for, your birthday?

For that, and Coachella.

-[Kris] Mm.
-Things were fitting me good.

-[Kris] So it wasn't a self-esteem thing?
-Like-- No. No.

I just need more, like, casual vibes,

and they just brought too "try too hard."

Even, like, going to Coachella
in the dusty desert,

I don't wanna wear something fancy.

Like, they had, like, corsets,

-and I think I came to the realization…
-[Kris] Come on.

[Kourtney] …that I don't

want to wear heels.

Corsets, like Kim
and Khloé's outfits right now,

like, I've moved on from that era.

What a waste of time, energy.

But my general vibe is
more casual, effortless.

-That's when I feel my best.
-Yeah.

And my coolest is when
it's not "try too hard."

-And you're comfortable.
-[Kourtney] Yeah.

-And I'm comfortable.
-Yeah.

These are Travis', like,
Saint Laurent pants.

Would you wear this?
This is Saint Laurent.

Yeah, no, I love something
like that once in a while.

But, like, if I have
someone's birthday dinner

-or something like that.
-[Kris] Hmm.

I just mean for everyday life.

When I'm with my kids,

yes, I need to be able to move freely.

I'm breastfeeding,
I need to be comfortable,

and to run after them, and have fun,

and not be in, like, six-inch heels.

I don't really wanna be in a corset

with my boobs popping out, either.

It's just a personal choice.
We're all entitled.

I had a very important discovery
today about myself,

and I decided I'm not into

ever wearing a real,
like, outfit ever again.

[Khloé] So, you're never gonna
wear dresses or heels again?

Is that your discovery?

-Is that what you're gonna tell me?
-[Kourtney] Yeah.

[Khloé] So are you
shaming me for doing it?

-[Kourtney] No, no.
-Please.

Kourtney never has anything nice
to say these days.

I feel like she doesn't want to be judged,

but all she does is judge other people.

Kourt said, she looked at me,

and she just said she's never gonna--

No, I said it to Kim, too.

Of course, they're being defensive.

I just said you guys could--
might shame me,

and say, "I'm never gonna wear flats
and a baggy jacket."

If you don't like what we're wearing,

if you don't like how we look,
that's okay,

just come in, "Hi, nice to see you."

We never see you anymore.

"Hi."

It was more of a…

a moment of recognition,

like, me-- or me realizing something,

and then saying it out loud,

versus me being critical
about their outfits.

If they're feeling a corset
and six-inch heels,

then God bless.

You want me to hold you, Rocky?

In those heels?

Good for you, babe.

I don't come in and say, like,

"Huh, I would never give up
on life so-- so soon."

You know? Like, I don't say the opposite.

It's the passive-aggressive for me.

[birds chirping]

[Kendall] I'm going to the cabana.

-[Kris] You are?
-To say goodbye.

-[Kris] Aw.
-I used to smoke a lot of weed in there

-when you weren't looking.
-Wow.

-You did?
-[Kendall] Go on.

-How old were you?
-Like, 16.

Kylie was 14.

[Kris] Am I just as blind as a bat
that I didn't pick up on that?

We would shut those curtains,
and we were like, "Oh,

-this makes it so much more obvious."
-[Khloé] Mom, you didn't have a clue

what happened
half the time with your kids.

Nor did you care, let's be honest.

[Khloé] Let's be honest.

Nor would I care?

You're like "You're doing drugs?

That's fine, 'cause I'm a cool mom."

[Kris] Oh, okay.

[Tatum] Oh. That's pretty cool.

[Kendall] Pretty cool.

[Tatum] One, two…

three, four, five…

-[Kendall chuckles]
-…six, seven, eight.

[Kris] Uncle Bob's here.

He's in the family room.
He wants to say hi to you.

-In there?
-[Kris] Yeah.

Two peas in a pod, Reign and Uncle Bob.

[Khloé] Is Bob here?

Bobby!

-[Rob Kardashian] What's up?
-[Kris] Hey!

Is Rob filming?

Hi. I'm so happy you're here.

[Rob] Mm-hmm.

All my kids are here tonight.

My kids, my children, my grandchildren,

and even Rob, which means the world to me.

Yes, guys…

Rob is here.

You heard right.

I know everyone is hoping that
Rob comes back to the show,

and, trust me, we are, too.

Would you ever come back
and start filming?

[Rob] [on phone] I mean, I'm down.

Oh, my God.

[bleep] yeah.

Rob is doing well. He's alive.

The conspiracies run wild.

One of the main ones is that
he lives with me,

he's in our shadows,
and we don't want to have him around us.

He's not some miserable person
that lives under a bridge.

He's not like a Gruffalo.
Like, we're totally fine.

Rob and I, we're very similar
in a lot of ways.

He's super sweet,
the funniest person I know.

I love having him around.

I do miss him being on the show,
'cause he's just so funny.

It would be great if he
would regularly be back on,

that's the goal.

Let's get together and have a little…

-A little what?
-…kumbaya and then we can eat.

Like a little prayer.

♪ One more pick ♪

♪ We're headed to one more place ♪

[Tatum] What's this over here?

That's an oven.

Whoa! Oh.

[Kris] [crying] We're here
to say goodbye to a house

that we all love so much,
and we built these amazing memories,

and Kendall and Kylie grew up here,

and the other kids
spent so much time here.

And we have years of just amazing memories

and times that we've been here,

so many celebrations and everything.

♪ Going ♪

-♪ Gotta keep on goin' ♪
-[kids chattering]

Don't mix those up,
'cause they're all in order.

Tatum, no!

♪ Home ♪

[Kris] I just felt a lot of love

for all the memories that I've been able
to experience here,

so that's it.

I'm gonna have a martini

because this is for my nerves.

I wasn't gonna drink tonight,

but I'm gonna have a double.

So, cheers to Eldorado Meadow,
and to love.

Everybody in the dining room.

Chi, True, Reign, over here.

-[Kourtney] Where's Kendall?
-[Kris] Okay, family prayer.

Everybody hold hands.

You guys, we're all here to say goodbye

to many, many, many magical,

beautiful memories that we've had

here for a very long time and…

I just couldn't really come here
with my whole family,

and say goodbye to this house,

and not invite the person

who made all the memories
with us for so many years.

I think one person that isn't here
should be here

to say goodbye with us to this house.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

And I just want to say a prayer…

-Are you crying?
-[Kris] …about…

-[Reign] Yeah.
-[Khloé] Wow, okay.

This is gonna be good. [chuckles]

[all] Hello.

[Caitlyn] What's going on?

[Khloé] Next, on The Kardashians…

We're here to give this off
to another beautiful family

to make beautiful memories.

I don't know if my parents
will ever be best friends again,

but this is definitely a great first step.

I bought it!

I bought the house. It's mine now.

-Oh, my God.
-Really?

-♪ Work hard, play hard ♪
-[director] Action!

Have you seen it, Fatal Attraction?

Don't put me on the spot like that.

-You haven't?!
-Stop!

-Oh, my God…
-[Kris] Stop it.

I've never seen Fatal Attraction. I know.

Let's all have a watching party.

-[Glenn Close] Let's do that.
-[Kris] I would love it.

-Oh, my God.
-Let's all do it.

-[Kris] Yeah.
-[Glenn] Yeah.

[Kris] Oh, for sure.

-[Khloé] You're such a p*ssy.
-[Kourtney] Why is that a p*ssy?

-To leave the chat?
-To leave the chat

because you can't face
having a conversation.

No, it's called "protect the energy"
and move…

-[Khloé] You're the one that started it.
-…and move on.

"God, I'm exhausted for you."

If I spoke to her like that,

she would go to therapy
for three weeks about it.

Are you doom scrolling in bed?

Doom scrolling?

Fashion, a dog, nails, everything's happy.

I want to go on her [bleep] page
and see what it is.

Enh! Like, shut up.

Shut up.

[♪ hip-hop music playing]

♪♪

♪ They like that ♪

♪ Watchin' in my eyes, million dollars
mile up, thought I was so high ♪

♪ They like that ♪

♪ …'cause I'm dealin'
with these minions ♪

♪ Cool like that ♪

♪♪

♪ They like that ♪

♪ They ♪

♪ Like ♪

♪ That ♪

♪ Let 'em know, let 'em know,
let 'em know ♪

♪ They like that ♪

♪ Don't you know it's my city ♪

♪ All I gotta do is sit pretty ♪

♪ Get in through with the crowd
get tricky ♪

♪ All the paparazzi, they busy ♪

♪ Look here, look there,
look good, they stare ♪

♪ Compare, girl where? ♪

♪ No fair, don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause they like that ♪

♪♪

♪ They like that ♪

My mom, like, everyone's talking
about her face.

[producer] Oh, I've been reading. Yeah.

I could retell the story.

We were at Lauren Sanchez's
bachelorette, like, dinner,

and we're sitting there,
and someone taps my mom on the shoulder.

We're at a restaurant, and they go "Kim."

Oh, your mom died.

And then she comes out,

she must have told this story 500 times.

And I was like…

And the guy was like "Oh, sorry."

She is milking this.

She looks great.

Yeah. I'm so happy
now I know where I can go…

-[producer laughing]
-…when the time comes.

[bell tolling]