03x01 - Goodbye Mike

[bunniefuu]

- My heart is racing right now,

but at the end of the day, I need to hold my head high.

- He got eight months. Mike got eight months.

- Oh, my God.

- So my grandmother, the psychic one,

she's like, I'm sensing somebody

is in talks for a divorce.

- How's Roger?

- Pfft.

- Is Ronnie okay?

- I don't know, honey.

He's been like this for over a year now.

- You're losing your piece.

- Where's my daughter now?

- Same pattern. One day he's good,

and the next day, he's not.

- Mike had a choice, too, to get sober and clean.

Ron has a choice.

- Congratulations. You may kiss your bride.

[cheering]

- There's something special

about everyone under one roof,

celebrating my big day.

It's like a fairy tale.

- [laughs]

- ♪ Get crazy, get wild ♪

- Yeah, buddy! - ♪ Let's party, get loud ♪

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- This might not have been the best idea.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the freak out of here. Are you crazy?

- Um, hello!

- ♪ If you want to have fun, then do somethin' crazy ♪

- I would like thank everyone for coming out tonight,

and we're about to live our best life, so let's go.

- ♪ You know you heard this before ♪

♪ We here! ♪

♪ We poppin' now ♪

♪ No stoppin' now ♪

♪ She droppin' now ♪

♪ 'Cause we poppin' now ♪

♪ We poppin' now ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

- Mike's wedding was amazing.

It was one of the best experiences

that we've ever had together.

Great time, bro!

We didn't know how badly we needed that wedding

because the next two months of the year...

were gonna change for all of us.

- I'm worried you're gonna end up freaking in jail,

or freaking dead.

- Hello? Thomas Retreat Center.

- It's videos saying that you broke up the family

and you didn't want it to work

and you took the kids away from him.

- Oh, my God.

- This is real life. [bleep] New Jersey shore.

- There's really nothing to say, honey.

She's taking me to jail.

- ♪ Roll the film ♪

♪ When you with me it's like a movie ♪

♪ Them highlight reels ♪

♪ So roll the film, roll the film ♪

♪ Let's roll the film ♪

♪ When you with me it's like a movie ♪

- You're alive.

You're a married man.

- Oh, God. What's up, sis?

- Morning, everybody.

- Oh, look who decided to show up. - Oh, it's the Unabomber.

- Oh, God. - What's going on?

- Yo, you turned up last night.

- I did, and I don't do that, like, for every wedding,

but it was such a good wedding.

- Last night was the wedding...

of my dreams.

I couldn't think or dream of having a better wedding.

A lot of people are coming up to me, and like,

Oh, Mike, I'm worried, I'm worried.

I'm like, guys, you know, I'll be fine.

I'll be out in a couple months.

This will be a blip on the radar.

- It's crazy to think that

Mike's first year of marriage is gonna be in a prison cell.

- I'm allowed to celebrate the holidays with Lauren.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and then the th of January,

I have to report.

I don't know where I'm going just yet.

But, like, I'm gonna jump in my vehicle.

I'm gonna eat some funfetti cake, and be like...

both: Take me to jail.

- b*tch. - [laughs]

- You know what I'm saying?

- All we care about is you, how you feel.

We have Lauren's back.

- Yeah, if you guys could check in on her

every now and then with a text,

or if you guys are in the area,

maybe go to lunch, or...

- She like kids?

- Uh, yeah, she does love kids. - I'll keep her busy.

I'll give her my kids if you want to.

- She might be busy herself.

- That is true. - I know.

- We have, you know, a couple months,

actually, about two months,

two and half months to work on that.

- So it can only happen when she's ovulating?

- That's what I want to know. - Is that how it works?

- No.

Yes. - Okay.

- Yes? - Yes.

- Oh.

- Back to school.

- I'm confused.

That seems so random.

Well, the pre-[bleep] is, like,

the most resilient [bleep].

And is sperm, like, alive?

- You need to go back to bed.

- They are, right?

- ♪ There's a gap in my heart ♪

♪ Just seeking for a substitution ♪

♪ ♪

- We're here.

We're gonna have his name with the monkeys.

That wall is gonna be the tree with the monkeys.

And then, little monkeys over this.

Only eight weeks away,

and I'll have my little CJ in my arms.

It's, like, getting real.

I love it.

- What do you think he's gonna be like?

- I don't know. If he's a mix of both of us...

we're in trouble.

- I feel like I was a really good kid.

I got a little wild in my s.

- [laughs]

- ♪ Hard times ♪

- [groans]

[overlapping chatter]

- I want to touch your boobs.

I'm drunk.

And on myself.

I'm, like, wasted.

Oh, the sun is out.

[laughs]

I just love being myself.

Let's see a bow.

That's all.

- ♪ And I gotta get to rock bottom ♪

- He's not going down the shore without a chaperone.

- Which would be you.

Could you imagine?

He's gonna be walking home from the club.

You're gonna be behind him.

Wear a condom!

Wear a condom! - No.

He's not having sex.

He doesn't have sex, Chris.

He doesn't do that.

- Now you sound like my mom.

- ♪ We on something, something, something ♪

♪ We on something different ♪

♪ We on something, something, something ♪

- Chris! - What?

- Can you help me with these boxes?

- I'm trapped in here. - I have the dog. I can't do both.

So much [bleep] everywhere.

- Me and Chris have been house-hunting for a long time,

and we finally found our dream house.

Now I get to see what living with you is like.

- We lived together before this.

- Not really. I had my own apartment.

You had yours. - We were together /.

- This is like, where if I fight with you,

I have nowhere else to go.

- Well, then just don't fight with me--

- No. You always fight with me.

Now I'm starting to wonder

if buying a house before marriage is even a good idea.

We should go to therapy.

- We don't need it.

- Why not?

Maybe the therapist is actually gonna come in and say,

"Chris, no, you were wrong about this."

- Listen, if we got therapy,

the therapist would definitely be like,

there's something wrong with you.

- It's always me, though. - It's always you.

- It wouldn't be--there would nothing wrong with you.

- If I told them the stories, they'd be like, oh, wow.

- What stories? Give me one story.

- I'm not gonna get into it right now.

- Off the top of your head, give me one story right now

'cause I would love to hear this one.

The house, literally, has made me and Chris

have very, very, big-- like, big fights.

I clean this house. You don't.

- I clean this whole [bleep] house.

- You don't do the dishes.

- I'm the only one who does the dishes.

- We have to figure out everything

before walking down that aisle,

or our relationship's going to be over.

- Do you ever change the cat litter?

- No. - Take the garbage out ever?

- You're a garbage man.

- ♪ You've got everything now ♪

♪ I need it, everything now ♪

♪ I want it, everything now ♪

[phone chimes]

- [gasps] What's that?

What's that?

- Could I come in?

- Grayson, look, it's auntie Nicole.

Look.

- Hi, bubby.

Are you sitting? I have to tell you something.

- Yeah.

- Guess what.

- Oh, my God. What?

- I'm pregnant!

- You are?

- Yes!

- Oh, my God. Congratulations.

- I've been trying to get pregnant

for the full-- the whole summer.

- Remember we took pregnancy tests together?

- No.

I'm getting a drink. - [laughs]

- I already miss wine.

- I'll drink some for you.

- All right, I'm gonna go vomit.

I'm, like, really nauseous-- - Oh, God.

- Dude, being pregnant is a [bleep] b*tch.

But I mean, I love all the ups and downs of being pregnant,

because the result is amazing, and I love being a mom.

- Good luck. I love you.

I'm so happy. - All right, love you.

- Bye. - Bye.

Do not want to be her vag*na.

[laughs]

Do not want to be that vag*na, huh?

- In jail, [bleep] don't count in jail.

- What is they say?

- Oh--oh, [bleep].

No, no, no, no.

- Jesus, let's be real.

I'm worried you're gonna end up freaking in jail

or freaking dead or something.

- I think I finally realized, like, I need help.

- Thomas Retreat Center.

- This is not right.

- He looks like he's scared as [bleep].

- Of course.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Today is less than days.

- Well, I'm just gonna go with about a month, then,

before I go on vacation.

- As Italians, we love

to make things sound better than they really are.

We don't like to say jail.

I would call this particular chapter a vacation

away from it all.

Honey, make sure that you don't forget

that my commissary is fire, okay?

You gotta put some monies in there

so that in case I need anything while I'm on vacation,

we're good.

- Your VIP guest list.

My roomies want to come visit me while I'm...on vacation.

But I'm not positive

if they're gonna let all the roomies in.

They've been arrested a couple times.

- This is you going to jail.

- Get the [bleep] off.

Get off.

- Why am I in trouble?

- Stop. Because you're dancing in the streets.

- You know, I don't know if...

that's allowed.

It's beginning to look like Sitch-mas right now, honey.

We're going to get our Christmas tree.

- You gonna cut the tree down?

- Wait a second, honey.

Did you just besmudge my name,

and say if I'm gonna do this? - Yeah, you don't really

do things like that around the house.

- Have some faith in your husband. - I know you can.

- This is our first Sitch-mas as husband and wife.

- So you're gonna do it? - I'm gonna do it.

- Okay. - Turn up.

I'm really just trying to focus

on the positivity right now

that I get to spend the holidays with my new wife.

[phone chimes]

Group chat is lit right now, honey.

- Not while you're driving.

- Group chat is lit right now.

- Is anything happening?

- Snooki...

is pregnant again.

- I know. - And Deena is due, right?

In the next couple weeks.

- That's very cute.

[upbeat music]

- He's moving.

He's like, this is a really good time.

He's like, what is my mommy doing out there?

Trying to get you out.

I'm weeks pregnant,

and I'm ready for this baby to come out.

I am just counting down the days until my due date

because he is laying

on every organ in my body right now.

- Any day now.

- Yeah. Any day.

- Today is my gender reveal party,

and I'm super excited.

- Oh, that's dramatic.

Go, Lorenzo! You got this, honey.

[cheering]

- It's a boy!

[record scratching]

- Put 'em up, put 'em, put 'em up!

Since the wedding, I've been on tour,

and I'm crushing the clubs.

I love Christmas this time of year.

Make some noise right now!

- h*, h*, h*.

- Oh, damn. - Oh, Santa's here.

- This way for trees.

- All right.

- You want to cut this one down?

- Honey, this is a huge tree.

You're going--you're taking me deep in the woods here, honey.

Come back.

You're going too far. This is not a safari.

I'm ruining my Valentino shoes.

- Let's get this one.

- The seal.

- Don't cut your finger-- [gasps]

Move your leg.

- Oh, damn.

- Please don't cut yourself.

You're scaring me.

- We might be here for a bit, honey.

[bittersweet music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ 'Twas the night before Christmas ♪

♪ When all through the house ♪

♪ Not a creature was stirring ♪

♪ Not even a mouse ♪

- We were supposed to sh**t family pictures

for the baby's first Christmas,

but I don't know if it's gonna happen anymore.

- When you have finished recording,

you may hang up, or press one for more options.

- Hey, babe, it's me. Give me a call back.

Miss you and the baby. I want to see what you guys are doing.

All right, I love you. Bye.

The last year, my relationship has been

a big ups-and-down roller coaster.

Anything can happen in this last month

to finish off the year.

[laughs]

It's just, like, the holidays are here.

Deck the [bleep] halls.

- ♪ And to all a good night ♪

- Oh, yeah. You're going.

It's going.

Oh, my gosh.

[laughs]

- Probably the shoes he's wearing.

- Thank you. - No problem.

- You got a lot of grip on that one.

Whoo.

- You gotta pick it up. Don't drag it in the mud.

- Full day.

- Roll on out.

Got it.

- [groans]

Let's go, honey. - You got it.

- Baby, that's coming through.

[exhales]

I got this.

[grunts]

- Oh. You got it.

- We got it, honey.

We got it.

- So what's going on?

- No, I'm in agreeance with you.

We should get divorced.

The police showed up. So I'm currently in the back of a police car.

- [bleep] got real.

- ♪ All heart ♪

♪ All heart ♪

♪ All heart ♪

♪ Beat hard ♪

♪ All heart ♪

- Hey, boo. What's going on?

- I feel like Ron and Jen.

- Ugh. I'm sorry, boo.

- In the last hours,

I've just been going through it.

- Doing my best to stay composed now.

[cries]

No, I'm in agreeance with you. We should get divorced.

The police showed up.

They said she filed a restraining order,

so I'm currently in the back of a police car.

I'm not allowed to go home and see my children.

We're gonna address this in court,

which is the proper place to address it.

And I'm gonna keep you updated on all of this.

- [laughs]

Like...

[bleep] got real.

I just try to keep everything so private,

and I literally feel like

I'm on all the tabloids.

- Oh, my God, I feel like you're a Kardashian.

Like, what the [bleep] is going on?

Roger decided to post all these videos

attacking Jenni for being

this horrible person and a horrible mom.

Now it's in the news. It's everywhere.

It's awful.

I'm just running errands right now.

I could be there in, like, minutes.

Yay.

- All right, I'm speeding over. Love you. -I love you.

- Okay, bye. - Bye.

[upbeat music]

- It's like...

degrees out.

And I'm out here walking.

That never happens.

I don't even walk when it's...

like, degrees out, let alone .

At this point, I'm super-over being pregnant.

I am ready for this kid to be out of me.

So my due date is tomorrow,

and everyone says, if you walk,

it could help...

you know, get him ready...

to join the world,

so I'm just trying to get this party started.

And you know, meatballs?

We don't like working out.

- ♪ Don't tell me I lost a step ♪

♪ Crisscrossed in the wrong direction ♪

- Hello? - Hi.

- I'm here.

Hi.

- Hi. I love you.

- So what's going on?

- [groans]

I thought silence was greater good.

- It is for your kids,

and who wants this [bleep] out in the public, anyway?

- Yeah. - I guess he does.

- As bad as our relationship got,

I stayed [bleep] quiet

because that's what you're supposed to do.

- What's going on with you and Roger?

- We're good.

- It's all over the [bleep] news, like--

- I know.

But I'm not talking about it.

So to me, like, the ultimate betrayal

is the fact that he went public.

My divorce, um...

It was a sore subject.

I filed before the dude ranch,

but I didn't want to talk about it publicly

out of respect for my children,

so when those videos came out,

I feel like it was a really, really low blow by Roger.

- It's, like, videos.

- Yeah. [stammers]

- Of saying that you broke up the family

and you didn't want it to work

and you took the kids away from him,

which is not the case at all.

- No.

- Everyone was attacking Jenni

for keeping the kids away from Roger,

when that's not even the truth.

Little does anybody know,

Jenni let Roger stay in the house

after she filed for divorce

so he could still be with the kids,

but he would start fights in front of the children.

So finally, enough is enough.

She called the cops, said, you gotta get out.

But she never said Roger can't see his kids.

- All I said was I want a cooling-off period.

I don't want him in my face, and then he left.

People think that I had him arrested.

- I know. - Not even the case.

- I know.

- Because you wouldn't have your phone

in the back of a cop car. - I know.

So annoying.

- They're being nice and giving him a ride.

- He, like, stooped to Ron-and-Jen level.

- Yeah.

The irony in all of this is

I'd love to make fun of Ron and Jen.

Car chases, getting ran over...

you know, drama.

And now I'm on that level,

and I'm sure Ron and Jen are looking at each other,

and, like, oh.

Did you see what's on the morning paper today?

Not us.

I just want this to calm down. - Mm-hmm.

- Because I'm in the public eye,

and I don't want this to get out of control.

- Yeah.

- But at the end of the day,

still...

father of my kids.

- Exactly. - Gotta keep it together.

- It's all about the kids, honestly.

- Everything that I do in this life today,

the kids come first.

- Mm-hmm.

- And for him to, literally, like, just piss on all that

and call me, like, a piece of [bleep]...

that sucks.

["Damage" by Rupert Pope]

- ♪ Don't bring your trouble here ♪

♪ No more ♪

- The last thing I want

is this divorce to drag out.

Thankfully, we have the pre-nup

'cause this thing can't end soon enough.

- ♪ No more ♪

- ♪ No more ♪

- ♪ You know the damage is done ♪

- ♪ It's Christmas time ♪

♪ Peep the red and the green ♪

♪ Stuff my stocking with some eggnog ♪

♪ And set the scene ♪

♪ We're throwing down on Christmas ♪

♪ No, I can wait for New Year's Eve ♪

♪ No, I can wait for New Year's Eve ♪

♪ We're gettin' down on Christmas ♪

♪ I got that mistletoe on me ♪

♪ I got that mistletoe on me ♪

[indistinct speech]

- You were driving like crazy!

- [bleep] [bleep] [bleep].

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God.

You have to be kidding me.

Holy [bleep].

So it's the morning after New Year's Eve,

and I'm getting hit with a Ronnie TMZ

[bleep] storm that he got into another fight with Jen.

Happy New Year, I guess.

Yo. - What's up, my guy?

- Yo, our roommates, dude, like,

you can't even make this [bleep] up.

There's so much going on.

Jenni, divorce.

- I know.

- I don't like the way he's behaving, though,

making videos and [bleep].

- Like, why are you doing this?

This is a private matter.

- But she's good at, like, holding it together, unlike Ronnie.

Did you see TMZ yet?

- No. What's going on?

- "Ronnie Ortiz-Magro leaves club bloodied

after alleged ashtray attack."

- Again?

- There's a video of him walking out of the club,

holding his nose, being all bloodied up.

- Oh, my God. You gotta send it to me.

- We just saw them on Instagram

[bleep] having a great time, smiling-- - I felt like everything was peaches.

I thought they were back together.

Everything was fine.

- How many [bleep] assaults is she gonna do to him

before she gets locked up?

- Bro, she has a record. This is not good.

- Yo, there's more, though.

There's another article

where he's running up to the doorbell

and smashing the doorbell. The camera.

- What? - Yeah.

- It's, like, his house.

You gonna break into your own house?

- Yo, this guys needs help, though, bro.

He's, like, going off the deep end.

- This girl knows how to press his buttons,

and she's his demise.

- All right, well, I'm gonna try to reach out to him.

I'll send him a text, and, you know,

just see if he needs anything.

- All right, me, too. I'll do the same.

- All right, take care. Bye.

Ron needs help.

Ron's New Year's resolution should be

ending all toxic things in his life.

[upbeat music]

- I put in the hot antipasto platter,

the chicken Milanese lunch,

and also to go, spaghetti carbonara lunch.

The pressure's on.

In a couple weeks,

I do my time and pay my debt to society.

Damn. Look at this.

- No wine, huh?

- No wine.

- Nino, he says he can put the word out for the kid.

- All right. Thank you.

Uncle Nino may have some really good advice for The Situation.

So why not?

- I miss you. What's up, baby?

- Nothing, man,

just trying to continue to live my best life right now.

- Well, you gotta. - You know what I mean?

But I still have to pay for mistakes from years ago.

And, you know...

- Me, neither.

Not doing time. You probably going...

- I don't know. Somewhere near Jersey

or Pennsylvania, maybe.

- But you...

put the word out?

- No.

And things like I said before.

Stuff like that.

[indistinct speech]

Maybe he should've done years, you know?

- Mm-hmm.

- Like, how the [bleep] does he do it, you know?

- Uncle Nino is just telling me to, um...

- You don't have to think about that now,

no, not when the feds are on you.

- Yeah.

I think he's...

to be honest with you, I don't even know what he said.

- [indistinct speech]

She'll come up and visit you.

Buddy's taking a crash course.

In college.

What they say, in jail,

[bleep] don't count in jail.

- What is they say?

-Oh--oh, [bleep]. No, no, no, no.

- Yeah, but still, even the state ones are not nice.

- I don't even know how...

federal time works.

Gotta do % of the time, or whatever.

- So I should plan to do...

around seven.

- Oh, yeah? - Yes.

Oh, wow. No.

- They'll guide you.

[dramatic music]

- I'm grateful that I had the holidays

to spend with Lauren.

The last thing to do right now is go on a little vacation.

Handle it like a man. Put this behind me.

That's it.

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- So you excited to meet your little brother?

- ♪ Today's the day ♪

♪ I been waiting for ♪

- My water broke, and I'm excited.

I'm a little nervous

'cause clearly I've never given birth before.

This is actually happening.

I've been waiting for this moment for so long.

I'm pregnant.

- Are you really?

You're pregnant, Meatball.

- There he is. - Aww.

- Oh, my God. Look at his little nose.

He has Chris' nose.

- Just got settled in.

Having contractions, so...

- Next time you'll see us, we'll have a little baby.

- Can't wait to meet you, CJ.

- ♪ The sun ♪

♪ The sun shines through the window pane ♪

♪ And I feel ♪

[baby crying]

♪ Feel ♪

♪ As you whisper my name ♪

- Hi, baby.

I pushed the [bleep] out of this kid,

and he came out naturally and very healthy.

We are parents to the cutest little boy.

I'm just exhausted, and I don't even care.

I'm just so happy.

How does it feel to be a dad, Chris?

- So crazy.

- He's perfect.

Oh, you silly face.

I, like, look at him and I'm, like,

I cannot believe you were just in my belly.

Like...we made you.

This perfect little specimen, we made.

He's so cute, I can't take it.

Just such an emotional moment. He's perfect.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- The last altercation that I got into with Jen,

I got hit in the face with an ashtray.

You know, things are just getting so bad

that it's like...

I don't know what to do.

So I decided to go home and see my dad,

take a break from the toxic situation I'm in, you know?

Because when you argue with somebody

and mix it with the alcohol

and you mix it with my bad reactions,

it's just not good for my daughter to be around.

- Hello?

[dog barks]

How in the [bleep]? I was waiting for the dogs--

- What's up, man? You all right?

- Yeah, I'm good. - What's going on?

- What's going on?

- Good to see you. - Yeah.

Jesus.

- Yeah, I know. - The hell?

- What's new, right?

I'm just tired of the chaos in my life.

I'm turning to my dad because

he's somebody that has been through

what I've been through, or been through worse

situations that I've been through,

and he's turned himself around.

- So what happened this time?

- It's...you know, I just--

things got really, really bad,

and things got really crazy,

and then I ended up with an eye, and, you know,

it's rather stuff I'd rather not even speak on anymore.

You know what I mean?

Figured I would just come here,

see you, see family, and just, like, reset.

- Feel like, you know, we've been here

a few times before, and stuff.

It's like the boy who cried wolf, right?

Like, yeah, I'm gonna do something,

I'm gonna change, I'm gonna make it better,

and, like, what?

It's the same old thing.

How is it gonna be any different this time?

♪ ♪

- Make sure it doesn't happen again.

I'm tired of being

in the tabloids for negative stuff.

- Yeah.

- But we're fighting, and I get triggered,

and then I spiral, if you want to say,

and then it just becomes too much.

- You know the way this escalates

and escalates and escalates, and it's been escalating,

and I'm worried you're gonna end up freaking in jail

or freaking dead or something.

I'm, Jesus, let's be real.

♪ ♪

- Gotta get off the hamster wheel.

Insanity is doing the same things over and over again,

expecting different results, right?

We all been there.

Listen, I've been there, you know?

You know what I've been through and stuff, too,

so I want you to get it.

- We're almost the same person, in a way,

but he had, you know...

a rough s and rough s

and he wasn't in the best place in his life,

so I saw a lot more things

that I didn't want to see growing up,

and that's my biggest fear for Ariana,

is that she's gonna be two years old,

three years old, and I'm picking her up

and I have a black eye, you know?

Or she's two or three years old,

and I'm doing something stupid, you know,

to go tit for tat for Jen,

and she's just sitting there watching this,

and she's absorbing this.

I'm embarrassed of things that I've done, you know,

who I've become.

It's not someone that I ever thought I would be.

You know, and then I think that I can catch myself,

and I think that I have control over myself

and that, you know, I'm not gonna react,

or I'm not gonna do something stupid

or say something stupid that I regret,

and it just-- it doesn't work.

And I don't have the answers anymore.

- It's okay to ask for help, though, you know?

I mean, we can't do things on our own.

If everybody could do things on their own, we'd do it.

You know you gotta take care of yourself before

you can be a father or anything,

even a good friend.

So what good are you to her

if you ain't got your stuff together, right?

Nothing.

So work on you,

and you can be a great power of example

for your daughter, you know?

That's the most important thing,

is that, you know, she can see you

and say, wow, look at that.

That's a great power of example,

'cause right now...

it's not looking good.

- ♪ I got these demons ♪

♪ All in my head ♪

[vocalizing]

- You know, listen, I'm here, I'm gonna listen,

I'm gonna do whatever I can, but, you know,

at the end of the day,

you're the one that's gotta do the work.

- ♪ I got these demons ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God.

Mike's going live going to jail right now.

- What? What do you mean live? - Like, Lauren's videoing him.

- I'm just gonna handle this,

and put this behind me moving forward.

- Man, this is not right.

- Oh, he looks so nervous.

- He looks like he's scared as [bleep].

- Of course.

- Poor thing.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ We all have ghosts ♪

♪ ♪

♪ They come and find us ♪

- Right now, I'm feeling a million different feelings.

Feeling anxiety, feeling depression.

I'm feeling lost.

I've become a person that I never wanted to become.

I've finally seen that I'm with a person

I never thought that I would be with, you know?

I'm in a relationship I never thought I would be in.

- You piece of [bleep].

- Okay-- - What a [bleep].

- I feel like that the last year

has just stripped me down...

like, layer by layer, like an onion,

and I'm just like--and I've got nothing left at this point.

[crying]

[bleep].

[crying]

I need to figure out why I'm so unhappy.

I need to figure out how

to get myself back to a better place.

I need to figure out how to be a better father.

I need to figure out how to be a better person.

I need to figure out how to be a better friend.

[phone ringing]

I don't really know what the answer is,

so I think that's what I'm looking for is answers.

- Hello? Thomas Retreat Center.

- Hi, how you doing? This is Ron Ortiz.

I called regarding some information about your center.

- Absolutely.

- I got to a point where...

I'm tired of being tired.

Depression is something that I...

you know, I suffer with,

and everything I'm doing is not working, so...

I think I finally realized, like, I need help.

- Okay, and so when are you looking to fly in?

- As soon as possible.

♪ ♪

- So what's going on with everybody?

- Well, Ron's like...

like, really bad. - Yeah, I heard.

- She freaking threw an ashtray at him. - That's crazy.

- I mean, like, she could've k*lled the guy.

So she runs him over with a car,

almost kills him one time,

and then almost kills him again at a club

by throwing an ashtray at him.

- If she almost k*lled him with the ashtray, right?

- You could k*ll somebody with an ashtray.

What are you talking about? - Forget it.

- If I took an ashtray right now, Chris--

- You could--yes, I could k*ll you with a bowl of cereal.

- If I took an ashtray right now and flung it at you,

and hit you right--dead-set in your head, you'd be dead.

- So I don't know what you're talking about.

- So is he dead?

You going to the funeral?

- No, [bleep].

- Then he's all right. - Smart a*s.

I'm trying to explain to you how crazy that girl is.

- No, it's definitely--

- If it's gonna be that crazy,

one of them needs to remove themselves.

I feel like everything is crazy right now.

I mean, bringing in the New Year like is,

everyone's going through a lot of sh*t right now,

and it just feels like it's getting worse.

Jenni doesn't want to talk about her divorce.

But yet, Roger put a million videos out there on Instagram.

That's just crazy. You know what I mean?

Jenni always went at Ron,

and when I see all this stuff going on

on social media with Jen and Roger,

I couldn't help but to think,

wow, Jenni, [bleep],

same exact [bleep].

Literally, like...

perpendicular to each other,

if that's what that is.

Is that what that is?

Like, exactly, like the [bleep] same exact thing.

Is that what it means?

Like that?

Ron has a really good heart deep down.

He maybe made some bad mistakes in his life, but we all make mistakes.

- No, he's a good guy.

- But I do think that he needs help,

because he's out of his mind.

- ♪ No one ever told me ♪

♪ That life would move like this ♪

- I'm gonna go today, and just do what I gotta do.

- So proud of you, man.

- I'll take you. - Let's go now then.

- All right.

- ♪ No one ever told me ♪

♪ The things I would fight with ♪

♪ ♪

- I just decided that, like,

I don't want to live like this anymore.

I'm tired of being depressed,

making really, really bad decisions.

I have to make a change

'cause it's just gonna keep happening.

My biggest fear is that something is gonna happen,

and I'm not gonna be there for the baby.

I want to be a better father.

You know, I gotta do it for me,

do it for the baby.

That's what I gotta focus on.

- Yeah.

Listen, I'm just excited for you.

And you're doing it, and everything will be okay.

- Coming to see my dad

might be the best thing that ever happened to me.

You know, he hit rock bottom and he got clean.

And now he's this amazing person

that is great to be around, and he's such an inspiration.

I want to be like that.

- ♪ It's time to make a change ♪

♪ No one can stay the same ♪

♪ When people try to knock us down ♪

- All right. Appreciate it, Dad.

- All right. - All right.

- Take care.

Give me a call. Let me know.

- I will.

- I'm just gonna go to a wellness retreat center,

get my mind right,

get some therapy, anger management, you know,

and just focus on me.

- ♪ I'm still standing ♪

♪ I'm still standing, whoa ♪

- Obviously, I love Jen, but right now,

I have to remove myself from a toxic situation,

and do work on myself,

because at the end of the day, it starts with me.

If I'm not okay,

then my relationship with my child's not gonna be okay,

the relationship with my girlfriend's not gonna be okay,

because I can't rely on other people,

can't rely on alcohol,

I can't rely on other things to make me happy.

- ♪ When the sky is falling ♪

- I just want to be a better role model for my daughter.

You know, I want...

I want my daughter to look at me

and be proud of me.

But I need help.

- ♪ I won't give up ♪

♪ Won't give up ♪

♪ Won't give up ♪

- If I could tell Ariana anything right now

it'd be that Daddy loves her,

that I'm doing this for her,

because it's gonna make me a better person,

and I want to be a better person in her life.

I want to be there for the next years.

I want to send her to prom.

You know, I want to throw her a Sweet Sixteen, you know?

I want to walk her down

the aisle when she get married.

Like, I want to be a part of her life forever.

Everything I do is for her.

Every move I make is for her.

Like, all of this doesn't matter without her.

- ♪ To find a better way ♪

♪ ♪

- The "Jersey Shore"'s Michael Sorrentino

is reporting to prison today.

He'll begin serving an eight-month sentence

after pleading guilty to tax evasion late last year.

- Here it comes, here it comes.

The big, black Escalade's coming in.

- I'm making a special video right now.

The Situation will reveal itself in .

[baby crying]

- Oh, my God.

Babe. - Yeah.

- Mike's going live going to jail right now.

- What?

What do you mean live? - Like, Lauren's videoing him.

And they're in the car,

and he's on his way to jail right now.

- Oh, my God, Chris.

- What? - Mike just went live.

♪ ♪

- People are just joining me now.

- Damn.

Last moments before he goes to prison.

This is not right.

[dramatic music]

- Just gonna handle this,

and put this behind me and move forward.

- What a simp.

Boy looks so nervous.

I can't. Poor thing.

- ♪ I really, really hate ♪

♪ To see you on your own ♪

♪ You know I need you ♪

♪ Baby, I need you ♪

♪ Please, child ♪

♪ Stay, stay, stay ♪

♪ I need you the most ♪

♪ Stay, stay, stay ♪

♪ I need you forevermore ♪

- You should see all the messages.

people are sending.

- Oh, my God, he looks sad.

- He does not look happy.

- [gasps]

He looks like he's scared as [bleep]. - Of course.

- I can't even really believe he's going to jail.

Like, this is real life.

- I don't think I'd be doing this well

if I was on my way to leave you.

- They are, like, amazing.

- ♪ Stay, stay, stay ♪

♪ I need you the most ♪

♪ Stay, stay, stay ♪

♪ I need you forevermore ♪

♪ Ever more, ever more ♪

♪ ♪

- There's really nothing to say, honey.

Just take me to jail.

- ♪ Oh, baby, won't you stay? ♪

♪ Stay with me, I don't run ♪

- Listen, listen, I wouldn't bet against Big Daddy Sitch

because if you-- listen, you can

throw me to a pack of wolves.

I shall return leading the pack.

- Right now, I'm leaving my wellness retreat center, I like to call it.

Being there was more than I expected.

- Where do you stand with Jen?

- Mine is going through a [bleep] court system,

and a judge that tells me not to.

So don't tell me there's another

[bleep] reason, Angelina,

when I have legal issues.

- Please, someone k*ll me.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪