03x04 - Gym, Tan, Strip

[bunniefuu]

- I have to go to Vegas

for a month to host the show Chippendales.

- What are you gonna do? You gonna stand there?

[laughter]

- First birthday.

- Jen needs to respect Ronnie's sticking to the sober life.

- Trying to take a shot for, like, four hours.

- Oh, my God.

[upbeat techno music]

- Oh, yeah.

I've been dying to have my boyfriend in Las Vegas,

and this is the best day of my life.

Welcome to Las Vegas, you chooch.

There's my chooch!

What the [bleep]?

Bro, you can't strip like that.

- ♪ Get crazy, get wild ♪

- Yeah, buddy!

- Party's here!

- "The Situation" is under construction.

- This might not have been the best idea.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the freak out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- ♪ If you wanna have fun, then do something crazy ♪

- ♪ I'm a boss and you can't stand it ♪

♪ I'm a boss and you can't stand it ♪

♪ I'm a boss and you can't stand it ♪

♪ ♪

- I'm just hoping by the weekend

I'll be able to pull it together.

- [bleep]. Did you let them know?

- Not yet. - Oh, no.

You [bleep] up your stripper career before you even started.

- I know. As soon as my ankle sprained,

the first thing I thought of was,

my residency is over.

I'm seriously worried that Chippendales

is not going to want to do this anymore.

- Handicapped stripper.

Maybe they'll feel bad for you and give you more ones.

[laughter]

[phone rings] - My mom's calling.

- Oh, sh**t.

- Hello. - Hi, Vin.

- Hi. - How you doing, honey?

- I'm still in one piece,

and I'm rolling through Vegas on my scooter.

- Oh, my God, Vinny.

I wanted to k*ll myself when I saw you on that scooter.

- My mom already has attachment issues to me,

so now me coming out to Vegas injured is k*lling my mom.

- Is it still swollen, Vin?

- Yeah, it's going down a little bit every day.

I just have to stay off of it.

- Buy the bags of peas.

- Ma, they have ice packs. I don't need peas.

- Well, the peas conform to the ankle, that's why.

- Ma, stop. All right, let me go.

- I swear to God. All right.

- Bye. - Bye, Paula.

- Bye. - Love you.

Love you, Pauly. - Love you too.

- Love to you too. Bye. - Bye.

- Can we stop and get peas? - Yeah.

[laughter]

Welcome to Las Vegas.

Vinny don't live with his mama no more.

- [chuckles]

[phone rings]

- It's my mom again. Hello.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Buy the bags of the mixed vegetables, anything.

- All right, Ma. - All right, love you.

- All right, I love you, Ma. - All right, bye.

- ♪ / I be here grinding ♪

- My stripper friend's here.

Excuse me. Is this where the handicapped go?

- What's the last name that it's under?

- He's a stripper. - [laughs]

- Thank you for the hospitality.

- You're welcome. Perfect. Mr. Guadagnino,

we do have you booked for our Cromwell suite.

I'll be cutting the keys for you,

and I'll actually be escorting you up to the room.

- Okay. Thank you. - Allow me just a second.

- Wait, why did you give this guy a suite?

- [laughs] - Is it 'cause he's a stripper?

- Special plans?

- Well, I'm here stripping for the month, so uh...

- He takes his clothes off for money.

- Okay.

Here we are walking into our Cromwell suite.

- Ooh. - Welcome to your home.

- It is lit. - Whoa.

Pauly always gets the VIP treatment

'cause he's, like, DJ'ing around the world,

but now this is my chance.

- Do you know he's a stripper? - Look at this keto spread.

- Vinny, you should've been stripping a long time ago.

- Damn, being a stripper has its perks.

- Damn.

This keto spread that they put for Vinny is insane.

There's so much meat on this table.

There's, like, chickens. There's pork.

There's burgers, sausages.

Like, I'm getting the meat sweats

just looking at this meat. Oh, this is legit.

They [bleep] hooked you up. I want to be a stripper.

Have you spoken to Chippendales yet about your injury?

- Nah. - Oh, man.

- I have to actually, like, face the music.

- This is a big deal.

- And I might be [bleep] evicted from this place.

- Oh, my God.

- I'm gonna have to pay for this meal.

- Oh, my God, and everybody fly out,

and you can't perform.

- Exactly. - Damn, dude.

- When I found out about Chippendales,

that was the thing I was most excited for,

was all of you guys to come see me.

- Yeah. What about Jenni?

You gonna give her a lap dance? She's single now.

- No, she's married.

- So she got a new dude, and Ronnie's single or not?

- Bro.

- Oh, I haven't talked to Ronnie

since his daughter's birthday,

and I just assumed everything was good

because when he's quiet on social media, it's nothing.

- Right.

- Then I know he was in Cabo right now,

and then of a sudden,

it's, like, he's posting erratically again.

I keep up with Ronnie on social media.

That's how I know what he's up to,

and so I check it once in a while, and I check it.

Then he's in Mexico. I'm like, "Great. All right,

he's with his friends, having a good time."

And then he posts a photo of the baby.

I'm like, "All right, he wants to show that

he's missing his baby. That's fine."

Then another baby photo and another baby photo.

When he posts this, I know something's wrong.

- I put the [bleep] out there, but it's so--in a way,

maybe I'm asking for help.

- That's how I know something's wrong.

I just don't know what's wrong. I hope he's okay.

- Me too, but our instincts are usually right,

and, like, I want to sit here and be like,

"Oh, it's fine. He turned his life around."

We always say that, and then it gets ten times worse,

and that [bleep] is toxic.

- You just want to strip in peace.

- Exactly. [laughter]

- ♪ Sitting right here looking at you ♪

♪ You're eyes are like a mirror ♪

♪ And what I see reflects many happy... ♪

- You better behave yourself out there.

- What do you mean, behave yourself?

- Just don't drink too much.

- Christopher, you know I like to drink.

Chris has a few strict rules

for me going to Vegas this time.

He doesn't want me to bring skimpy clothes.

- What the hell is this,a cape?

- Just put it in there. It's a girl thing.

Last time I was in Vegas,

I got a lap dance from a couple of Chippendales dancers.

- Oh, whoa! - Jenni. Jenni.

- [cheering] - Oh, my God.

- Chris wasn't too happy about that.

Chris does not want me to go

anywhere near that stage, that's for sure.

He's made it very clear. I'm just gonna get drunk and--

- You better behave yourself. - Yeah, I'm good.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Back like I never left with no ring rust ♪

♪ Nobody get the job done like the king does ♪

[phone rings]

- Yo, yo.

- Hold on one second. Let me page him. Speaking.

- You home? I'm gonna come by then.

- Oh, yeah, come there. I'm here.

- All right, I'll see you in a little bit.

- All right. - All right, peace.

- [exhales] Oh, man.

I can only imagine what this is.

Oh, no. Like, what's going on now?

I mean, I can only imagine. With him you never know.

What up, kid? What's good with you, man?

It's good to see you.

- Staying rich? - Doing my thing.

Travel, travel, travel.

- Yeah, I wanted to see you, bro.

How you doing?

- [bleep], man.

I saw you was in Mexico. I saw the pictures.

- Yeah, TJ's bachelor party. - How was that for you?

That must've been tough.

- It wasn't that bad, actually. - No?

- No, it really wasn't that bad.

- We were worried because you're in Mexico,

and, like, well, what about the temptations out there?

- No, I was good, yeah.

- How about you?

You good with your relationship and everything?

- Yeah, me and Jen are good, bro.

- Status is good?

- Yeah, we're good. We haven't been fighting.

Everything's been going good lately.

You know, today's a good day,

and that's all I can worry about.

- I genuinely want to believe Ronnie.

Like, I want you to be okay, dude,

but it's never good when Ronnie says things are good.

- How's everything with you and Jen?

- It's good. - Is it?

- Is everything starting to shape up?

- Yeah, everything's good, bro.

It's just-- I've been good, bro.

- Nice. - Just one day at a time

and just--that's really call I can do, bro.

- That's all you really can do. - Yeah, that's really it.

- I feel like he had this agenda.

He had so much he wanted to tell me,

and now I'm just confused. I know something's up.

He wants to tell me something, but he's not.

So we got everybody coming out here.

Is Jen gonna come around?

- Um, she just really doesn't

want to see the roommates anymore.

- Okay. Holy [bleep].

Maybe that's what he wanted to tell me.

- The two worlds just continue to collide.

I have my life with her,

and then I have my life with you guys.

You know, I'm just kind of

cleaning up my mess at this point from last year,

if you want to just call it that.

- The last Vegas trip with the fam.

- Yeah.

- This one will be different. - Yeah, hopefully.

- Vinny's at The Cromwell already, so--

- So we'll go grab him tomorrow?

I'll pick you up from here.

- Perfect. - Then we'll go scoop him.

- Yeah. - All right, my dude.

Well, I'm gonna go home and see the baby.

Appreciate the talk, like always.

- Give her a hug for me. Yeah, of course.

Anytime. You know I'm always here.

- Yeah, of course, you know, be there.

- Yes, sir. - Chaos that goes on.

- I want to give him the benefit of the doubt

'cause he's coming out of rehab.

Maybe he's fine.

Maybe they're good. I don't know.

But listen, he's my brother at the end of the day.

I want to see his life flourish.

I don't want to see it turn into a mess,

but the past is the past.

He keeps reliving it.

Yo. Yo, so Ronnie just came here,

and I'm more confused now than I've ever been.

Him and Jen are good, he said,

but she doesn't want to be around us,

so we're not gonna see her at all.

It's the weirdest thing. I'm confused, man.

- Yeah, like, I don't even know.

- Yeah.

And it was Puerto Rican Jesus for two days.

Then it went bad.

- I can feel and sense, like, a Ronpage about to happen,

but I hope I'm wrong.

- To "Jersey Shore Family Vacation."

Oh, yeah!

- Whoo! - Oh, yeah. I'm excited.

My family out here in Las Vegas.

- Ahh! [all clamoring]

- Why is there powder?

- You need it for your [bleep] sack.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- You gonna help Mommy pack? Can I pack you?

- Yes. - Get in there.

All right, you're coming.

Today I'm packing for Vegas, and I'm, like--I don't know.

I feel, like, just overly emotional,

'cause I'm introducing my boyfriend

to some of my roommates.

Now that I'm saying it out loud, I'm like, "Oh, my God."

Like, [bleep] just got real.

Hey.

- Hey.

- Who is him?

- We actually just got done packing.

So I am heading to Vegas.

I wanted to fly out there with Deena and Angelina,

but I am going there a day later

because it's my week with the kids,

and then will be arriving a day after me.

Well, I packed and I'm excited.

- I'm behind you again.

- Yes. I can't wait for you to meet my roommates.

He's gonna meet Aunt Deena. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- She's a little bit of a roller coaster when she drinks,

and it's her first time away from CJ,

so expect a lot of tears.

- Excuse me? - [laughs]

- I am put together.

I am extremely nervous for Zach to meet my roommates.

There's no way to prepare someone,

'cause, like, sometimes we can be a lot.

- [shouting indistinctly] - I need a body bag. Bye.

- [yelling] - Oh, yeah, wake up, yeah!

[clattering]

- It was like [bleep] period [bleep].

- So it's fine. No big deal.

I'll call you later, once I'm, like, officially done packing.

- I can't wait to see you. - Bye.

[techno music]

♪ ♪

[line ringing]

- I am the prank w*r champion,

and I have to defend that title.

- I feel like that's a head. - I can do this, officer.

[all shouting, screaming] - What the [bleep] is that?

- Prank w*r champion for life.

So I have an idea for a major prank right now.

[line ringing]

Just in case Vinny can't strip,

I'm working on his replacement,

the original Staten Island Guido.

- Hey, Uncle Nino.

I had this idea, you know how your nephew right now,

he's doing that Chippendale show out here in Las Vegas?

- Yeah, so what I was thinking was,

maybe we'll bring the OG Staten Island Guido,

Uncle Nino, to show them how it's really done.

- How do you look in a Speedo?

- Exactly.

This prank Uncle Nino has to keep top secret,

because Vinny's gonna be so embarrassed.

He's always embarrassed of Uncle Nino anyway.

Imagine Uncle Nino onstage in a Speedo at Chippendales.

Vinny's gonna lose it.

- Pack your Speedo absolutely, and work on that tan.

- You got it, baby. Love you. - All right, love you too.

Prank w*r champion again reigns his title.

- ♪ Keep it on the down low, on the down low ♪

♪ Keep it on the down low, on the down low ♪

♪ Keep it on the down low ♪

- I've, like, never been in this position in my life.

You know, I have a contract signed,

thousands of people who bought tickets, new people

I've never worked with before, and the fact

that I have to go tell them that I sprained my ankle

and now I can't do the show possibly, it's crazy.

I'm scared, you know. I don't want to let them down.

I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down.

You know, I let myself down by getting in this position.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

- [soft vocalization]

♪ ♪

Hello.

- Hi.

What's happening? - What the [bleep]?

- You know which way the handicapped elevators are?

My boyfriend hurt his leg stripping.

He got this injury while he was stripping.

Stripping.

- Do you want me to slap you? - You wouldn't hit a guy

in a wheelchair, would you? He started it.

- And then you started with me.

- I don't know how to work this thing. All right.

- Deja vu, [bleep].

- Wait, I missed it. Can you do it again?

- ♪ Is anybody out there ♪

♪ Anybody ♪

- I start my residency being a guest emcee at Chippendales,

but I can't perform on a terribly sprained ankle.

I'm seriously worried that Chippendales

is not going to want to do this anymore.

- What the hell? - What's up, guys?

- Are you in a boot? - Yeah, I sprained my ankle.

- What the [bleep]?

- Like, I have to stay off of it.

You know, I can't really go on it that much, so, um...

Kat and Ryan, who are, you know,

the Chippendales reps, they look pissed.

- How did this happen? - And I feel really bad.

Like, I want to make this work.

- How fast can you walk?

- Um, I can walk, like, a good,

like, . on the treadmill.

- My main concern is you feeling comfortable

in the spots that you're in.

- You're only gonna have four or five dance counts

to move probably feet.

- I've been waiting for this moment for months,

so if I just baby the [bleep] out of it

and then just rest up until that moment,

then I think I can do it.

- You know, you're here.

We're doing this, so the show must go on.

- People are coming. Tickets are sold.

- I'll go nude for you. All right, is that the deal?

- That helps.

- No, but seriously, I'm lacking here.

I'll make up for it in the [bleep], you know.

- Yeah. How many times have you used that excuse in your life?

Hey, don't worry about it, man.

I'm gonna make up for it in [bleep].

♪ ♪

- From the flight deck, welcome aboard flight ,

nonstop service to Las Vegas.

- Hey. How are you? - Vegas, here we come.

- I'm gonna be lucky. I'm telling you right now.

- I'm like--I need to get on your level.

- You know, I haven't been on a roomy trip to Vegas yet,

so I'm gonna put on my game shirt, and we're gonna do this.

- We're off to Vegas. - Off to Vegas. Here we go.

- ♪ I'm blinded by the lights ♪

♪ On the Vegas Strip I'm not at home ♪

♪ Lights bouncing off these stones ♪

♪ Vulture on his phone ♪

- Hi, Ron.

- You ready to go see your boyfriend?

- Yes.

Ronnie's coming through to pick me up,

so we can go see Vinny, Deena, and Angelina on the Strip.

Last time I talked to Ronnie, he was a little disheveled.

I hope he's doing better.

Oh, [bleep].

- So, bro, I'm just-- I just put a down payment

down on something in L.A.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, I'm buying a house.

- Man, that's what's up.

♪ ♪

You know, like I just--

There's only just so much to do here.

That's the only problem, like, you know,

that doesn't involve going out and partying like--

- Ronnie's coming fresh out of rehab,

and we're in Vegas, the city of sin,

and he's gonna be around so much temptation.

It's a straight shot to the Strip.

That's girls, alcohol.

That's every temptation in the world all in one place.

Maybe this isn't a good idea. Well, we are here.

- [mutters indistinctly] [chuckles]

- ♪ They call me Mr. Vegas ♪

♪ They call me Mr. Vegas ♪

♪ They call me Mr. Vegas ♪

♪ They call me Mr. Vegas ♪

- ♪ Vegas ♪

- Viva Las Vegas.

- Here we are. Now I have to get on your level.

First time away from the baby.

- Oh, God. Oh, my God. - Girlfriend.

- Why did you let me get this drunk on the plane?

- It's my first time in Vegas with everyone.

- I know. I'm happy I'm with you.

Can I use your phone? My phone's [bleep].

- Yes, sure.

[phone rings]

- Hello.

- Hi, Vincenzo. - How did you get my number?

- It's Deena. - Oh, hi.

It came from Angelina.

- Hi, Vinny. Yeah. - Oh, hi.

- I have your number anyway. - It's not Angelina.

My phone isn't working. So we just landed.

- Oh, really? - What's happening?

Where should we go?

- Okay. - No, no, I wanna hear it.

- Hey. - What's he saying?

- I'm at The Cromwell. Don't bring Angelina.

- Okay. I'll leave her at the airport.

- No, he's not. Vinny, stop. Relax yourself.

- All right, love you. I'll see you soon.

- All right, bye. - Vinny's a [bleep]head.

He thinks he's funny. - Yeah.

both: It's crazy.

- What the [bleep]?

- Get out of here. Oh, my God.

Nicole is gonna be so mad at that.

- Sorry, Nicole, I'm taking your place in Vegas with Deena.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Fill in the blanks without spilling your drinks ♪

- We are here, the Cromwell.

♪ ♪

- What's good, man? - How are you?

- I'm excited for this Las Vegas trip.

My family out here in Las Vegas, I love that.

Positive vibes only.

- Welcome to The Cromwell, gentlemen. How may I assist?

- What's up? What's up? I have a special order.

It's under Pauly D.

[bell dinging]

- What? - Yeah, that's perfect.

That'll work. - There you are, sir.

- Thank you, man. Appreciate it.

- My pleasure. - Vinny right now is a ratchet,

Monday afternoon-type stripper.

Let me just decorate this real quick.

So I know a few things in life. I know I look fresh to death,

and I know my man Vinny's a chooch.

- Is that street legal?

- It is now.

So I got my boy Vinny a chooch-mobile

to help him out with the stripping.

- Chooch-mobile. [laughs]

- [laughs]

[bleep].

See you. Wouldn't want to be you.

I'm out.

- ♪ I like to wake up, make money ♪

♪ Get served and call it a day ♪

♪ Call it a day, call it a day ♪

- Yo, what's up, girls? The machines hot today?

Oh. If you win, I need half.

Oh.

Oh, thotties.

[horn honks]

See you! Wouldn't want to be you!

- ♪ Make money, get served ♪

- Whoa, this thing's lit.

- ♪ Call it a day ♪

[horn honks]

Call it a day ♪

[engine revs]

[bell dings]

- Chooch-mobile.

- I love chooch-mobiles this time of year.

[horn honks]

Chooch!

- Can he even get up and answer the door?

- He can hop.

- Hello. Hey. - Hey.

- What's up, kid? - Look what I got you.

- Yo. - This [bleep] is so lit, bro.

- Are you serious? - Yeah, this is lit, bro.

Look at this thing. See you. Wouldn't want to be you.

- Yo. - What up?

- [bleep] scooter. Are you serious?

- Yeah, lit. - Holy [bleep].

- And instead of one bell, I got you two.

[horn honks, bell dings]

- Whoa. - Yo, it's lit.

You got reverse and everything.

- Sick.

- You look like a happy choocher.

- This thing is awesome.

Even if I have to be

a one-legged stripper on an electric scooter,

I'm making this show happen.

Bro, thank you so much.

- He likes it.

[scooter beeping] [laughter]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Girl you ready ♪

- Here we are. - Yes.

- Vegas. - It'll be fun.

- Yes, it will.

I'm excited to be here, I really am.

- The Cromwell. I've never heard of The Cromwell.

- I know Drai's is in it, which is cool.

- Oh, is that it? Oh, it's nice.

- Yo, where's all these keto snacks at, though, bro?

- What is this [bleep]? - Turkish apricots.

- [scoffs]

- I'm gonna pretend you didn't say Turkish apricot.

You get jumped where I come from for saying that.

- Ron, how was Mexico? - It was good.

- Were there thotties there?

- Bro, it was a bachelor party, bro.

- No, but, like, not the ones you pay for.

[laughter]

- Oh, never mind then.

- Hello. - Oh, [bleep].

- Is that room service? - It's Angelina.

You want to get that?

- No, they don't knock like that.

That was a room service knock.

- That's a proper knock. - Excuse me.

I'm going to be nice.

- Oh, hi. - Hi. Hi.

- How are you?

- What in the world? What's up, Deener?

- Hi. - Good to see you.

Thanks for coming. Vinny's a stripper.

- On a wheelchair?

- Yeah, we all know that you're a stripper.

- So is this what you do? Is this how you perform?

- I have to stay off of it until my show,

and hopefully I can pull it off.

- Only you.

Oh, my God, typical Vinny.

Ron got dragged by a fricking car,

and he didn't have a scooter.

- So you guys staying at this hotel or--

- We're staying in your room. [laughter]

- I mean-- - Girl, it's plenty big enough.

- Yeah. - It's really big, Vin.

- That's what you said. - That's what you said.

- I don't think yours is that big,

but I can stay here, right?

- Nah. Deena, you can definitely stay here.

- Can you stop?

What the hell is wrong with you?

- You're hurting her feelings. - Be mature.

- You guys are already fighting.

It's been five minutes.

- I literally just got to Vegas, and Vinny's like,

"Hmm. What can I [bleep] with Angelina about today?"

- Remember last time? - Remember last time what?

- Last time we got into Vegas, we're one second into the room

and you slapped me in the face.

Here, come here. I'm bringing you to your room.

- You're disgusting, you a*s[bleep].

- Go in there. - Don't be an a*s[bleep].

- This is your little hamster cage.

- He's pushing her. - She's already starting.

Did you just slap me in the face? That's as*ault.

- Do you want me to slap you?

'Cause you bitched about that for, like, a week.

- You wouldn't hit a guy in a wheelchair, would you?

- No. Well-- [laughter]

- He started it.

- You know, I was gonna leave you alone and be cool with you,

and then you started with me.

- I don't know how to work this thing. All right.

- Ohh!

- Deja vu, [bleep].

- Wait, I missed it. Can you do it again?

- ♪ You and I've got some unfinished business ♪

♪ If I were you well I'd be asking for a witness ♪

- I was gonna leave you alone and be cool with you,

and then you started with me.

- I don't know how to work this thing. All right.

- Ohh!

- Again. Deja vu, [bleep].

- The amount of tension in the air

when Angelina and Vinny get together,

you can cut that [bleep] with a knife.

I think they're both gonna end up with each other.

Mark my words. You heard it first.

Angelina and Vinny will get married.

- Mad thotties. Me and Ronnie are single, did you hear that?

- Oh, yeah? - Ron, you're not single.

- No, I'm, [bleep] with you. - Are you?

- He's [bleep] around. - I'm just [bleep] around.

- I was like, "What?" - Are we gonna see Jen?

- And the baby. - I want to see the baby.

- Yesterday Ronnie told me that he can't bring

Jen around us anymore.

She doesn't want to be a part of us.

Is Jen gonna come around?

- She just really doesn't want to see the roommates anymore.

- Okay.

And now I'm just confused

as to what Ronnie's telling me.

- Hold on, I got to turn around.

- Okay, so who's popping open that champagne?

- Yo, I'm waiting for it. - I got you.

- So where are you guys sleeping, on that side?

- I think so. - Yeah, if you want that.

So you guys are really staying here, right?

- Yes. - All right.

There's some house rules though

because they put me up in this suite.

I can't be having, like, a wrecked place.

Every house, hotel, anything that we've ever shared together

ends up being destroyed by the end of the trip.

- Mike, I'm not kidding!

- [laughs] - Whoa!

- Holy! - Pissed right on the rug.

[laughter]

- Hell, yeah. - Batter up, b*tch.

- Oh!

- Is there a fire?

- [groaning]

- Ohh!

- They are going to destroy this suite.

So if you're gonna stay, Angelina, just don't--

- Why did you just direct it towards me?

- I'm directing it around the room, Angelina.

- Okay, so don't say "Angelina."

Say "everybody else."

- Okay, I'm directing it around the room.

So please, Angelina-- - Damn, bro.

- Do you want her to flip the [bleep] out?

- Do not make me get up and slap you again but harder.

Don't make me do it. I'm in a mood right now.

Vinny, relax. I'm here to have fun.

I'm not gonna trash your stupid suite.

I'm there to sleep in it, and that is about it.

- I have her back. - I got her front.

[laughter] - See, that was--

Do you not think that's gonna--

- Throw the champagne. - No, this is annoying.

He's harassing the [bleep] out of me.

- Throw the champagne at him. - No.

- Yeah. - Stop, don't.

- No! - Yeah, do it, do it.

- Angelina and Vinny are already going at it.

They have such a weird fricking relationship.

They should just have sex and be done with it at this point.

- What the [bleep]?

- Oh, yeah! - Whoo!

- They're gonna throw me out of the suite.

- Yay. Thanks.

You can cheers your Red Bull. - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- To "Jersey Shore Family Vacation."

- Whoo! - Oh, yeah!

- And Vinny stripping. - Vinny's a stripper.

- In his wheelchair. - With my lifestyle,

there's a lot of temptation, you know,

and there's a lot of things that can make you go back

to your old way of thinking.

It's not that it's hard to stay sober,

but when you're surrounded by it, you know what I mean,

it's gonna be a journey every day.

- So let's get dressed and go.

- I always wonder if Ron thinks that we don't notice him.

Like, I see everything. I'm like a ninja.

Ronnie's acting weird, and I'm just like,

Tick tock, tick tock.

It's only a matter of time before a Ronpage is coming.

- [bleep].

[sighs]

- Well, he seems good.

- I hope so.

Maybe somebody take his phone and hide it.

- Yeah. - Yeah, I don't want him

to even look at his phone this weekend.

- 'Cause listen-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Cheers to a good weekend, no drama.

[tense music]

- Positive vibes. - Yes, positive vibes.

- Make some noise for the Keto Guido!

- Yeah! - Take it off!

- You really have to have clothes underneath that.

- Oh. [cheering]

- I am not drunk enough for this [bleep].

[cheering] - Just a sock.

- Vinny, ahh! Oh, my God!

- ♪ We gonna tear it up and burn it down ♪

♪ Throwing ba*ls all in the crowd ♪

♪ Everybody be rushing out soon to see what we about ♪

- Oh, yeah! - Whoo!

- To "Jersey Shore Family Vacation."

- Whoo! - Oh, yeah!

- And Vinny stripping!

- The fact that we're all here

to see me in Vegas is kind of surreal,

but the only thing that worries me on multiple levels

is that you never know what's going on with Ron.

- Well, he seems good. - I hope so.

[phone chimes]

- Maybe somebody take his phone and hide it.

- Yeah. - Yeah, I don't want him

to even look at his phone this weekend.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Every time Ron's face is buried in his phone,

we know who he's texting and usually what he's texting.

So every time Ron even looks at his phone,

I'm worried that he could have a meltdown.

- Cheers to a good weekend, no drama.

- Positive vibes. - Yes, positive vibes.

- Mm-hmm. You're hungry, right?

- Yeah. - What's for lunch?

- Let's go to the Promenade. Let's go eat.

- Where did Ron go? - Come on, Ange.

- Pauly, go get my suitcase and bring it in here.

- This girl's suitcase is yours?

- Yeah.

- After this I'm gonna FaceTime my family.

- Angelina.

- I'm right here. I'm ready. - Hey.

- What's up? - Where's CJ?

Hi. Hi, cutie. Hey, Joanie.

- What else can I eat? I'm so hungry.

- Hi. It's Mommy.

- What the [bleep] is this kid eating?

What the [bleep] is this kid eating?

- I'm eating fat fudge. - Fudge?

- You're eating fudge. - Oh, he's talking.

Hi.

- What is he eating now? - It's a different flavor.

- A different flavored fudge.

- Bro, just have a [bleep] sandwich.

This is why your bones are brittle, bro.

You're breaking ankles because you're eating frosting

from a birthday cake.

And this is keto? I'd rather have a sandwich.

- All right, ready to do this? - Let's roll out.

- Let's roll out. - Yeah, roll out.

- Oh, I see what you did there. - Follow me.

- Get it? Roll out, 'cause it's a scooter.

[horn honks]

- ♪ Oh my God, oh, oh, my ♪

- Injured stripper that happens to be my boyfriend,

and I let him strip.

Two things I never thought in my life I'd say.

One, I'd visit Mike in prison.

Two, I'd be walking through a casino

with a handicapped stripper. [laughs]

You know which way the handicapped elevators are?

My boyfriend hurt his leg stripping, stripper injury.

He got this injury while he was stripping.

Stripping.

He hurt his leg stripping.

Do you guys have handicapped seating?

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- Does anybody know what strippers eat?

- Oh, Vinny.

- Do you think they have Turkish apricots here?

- Imagine we were all here.

- It's hard to get everybody together now, huh?

- I know. I can't even imagine it.

- Is Jenni coming out with--with what's-his-name?

- Um, ? - I think so.

- . - Oh, I want to meet him.

- I just want Jenni to make the right decision.

You know, she just got out of a marriage,

and she's still going through a divorce.

Find out who you are as a person instead of

possibly getting into a relationship

with somebody else, because then I feel like

you're always somebody with somebody else,

and, like, you need to be you as you.

I think she should just take time for herself and, you know.

- You know what, I feel like if this guy

makes her happy, then that's what--

- Yeah, if she's happy, she's happy, but--

- Ronnie's the last person qualified to give

anybody relationship advice.

I mean, he got Jen pregnant not knowing what her birthday is.

- When's her birthday?

- [bleep]. [laughter]

It's like--look, I tell her.

I'm like, "You look like a pig in [bleep]."

Like, she's so happy. She looks so happy,

and I feel like he's just very, like--

Like, he's not as much.

- Well, we should see. - What do you think, Vin?

- I think it's funny, 'cause we never saw Jenni single,

ever in our life, ever.

That's why I just think it's hilarious.

- I don't know, I think that if she's happy,

we should just be happy for her, let her do her thing.

- No, %, I'm just saying--

- We're just trying to be protective, that's all.

- I get it.

- The boys are going on about 's intentions,

and I'm like, "Pump the brakes."

Jenny's a smart girl. Like, enough.

- When is this kid's birthday? 'Cause when do we call him ?

[laughter] - You guys ready?

- Let's do this. - Roll out.

- ♪ Got all the right moves like my name was Hitch man ♪

♪ Not time to get hitched man playing so I switched names ♪

- Oh, this is fun.

This is cool. Is this shuffleboard?

I'm really good at cornhole.

- Yo, they got Jenga too. - Oh, they do?

Do you guys want to play Jenga?

- What better than an adult playground like this?

So this place caters to both worlds.

We can drink and have a good time,

and Ron can have a good time without drinking here.

- Oh, my God.

- We got to bet for something on this.

The loser has to oil Vinny up before his show.

[laughter]

- No, 'cause I'll wind up losing.

I'm not doing it.

I don't want to be the one oiling this [bleep]

skinny, dweeb, Guido kid.

Going into this trip, my fiancé had rules,

so I'm hoping and I'm praying I don't lose.

- I do get oiled up. - You [bleep] want me to do it.

You want me to lose. You're weird, you're a weirdo.

- All right, that'll be the bet.

- We're acting like this is,

like, a friendly wager amongst all of us.

No, we all want Angelina to lose this bet.

Anytime I can make Angelina uncomfortable, I love it.

I get off on it, so we really want her to lose this game.

- Tra-la-la-la. - Nope.

- Imagine if she lost the first try.

[laughter]

You know, like, what are you doing?

- Ooh, Deena with the reach around.

- Right? Sick.

[tense music]

- How, how? You just touch it, and it, like, moved.

- Yo.

- Put that back in. - Put it in.

- Yo, this guy can't pull out for [bleep].

[laughter]

Oh, I can't wait to see her oil you up.

- Oh, is it gonna be keto oil, is the question.

- Don't talk. - Oh, oh, oh.

- That's good.

- Oh. - Ooh.

Ooh. - Oh, God.

It's getting bad, it's getting bad.

- Whoa. - Are you serious?

How does it happen? How?

Like, Pauly's [bleep] k*lling it right now in this game

[laughter]

- What the [bleep]? Pauly, how does it happen?

all: Ohhh!

- There you go. - [bleep]. I got to go?

- This game right now is getting bigger and bigger.

Careful, careful. And bigger.

- Oh!

- It's getting harder, guys.

And taller and taller. - Oh, she's sweating.

- I am sweating.

- Every single time we move a block,

the whole thing's swaying back and forth,

like as if it's gonna fall.

What the hell?

But it doesn't fall.

- Look at his face.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, oh, oh!

- Don't let it fall, Ron!

Oh, my God!

- That's game. - Angelina's oiling you up.

- I really don't want to lose, because I am not

oiling that [bleep] down. Hell, no.

- You know it's a full-body oil, right, Angelina?

- I'm not oiling up [bleep].

[laughter]

- Bro, look at that [bleep].

Yo, look at that [bleep]. - Shut up.

I hate you all. - It's, like, on that.

- I don't want to touch that kid, no.

- Angelina, warm up them hands,

'cause you got to oil up the stripper.

- If I lose the bet, I'm a woman of my word,

and I'll actually--[bleep].

I don't want to lose right now.

all: Angelina, Angelina,

Angelina, Angelina, Angelina.

- Down goes Frazier! - Oh, she's got it.

- Down goes Frazier! - Oh!

♪ ♪

[all cheering]

[laughter]

- ♪ All I need is your touch ♪

- Angelina, you lost. You're oiling him up.

- [bleep] my life.

I'm so sorry, Chris.

- Ange!

- I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

No!

And Vinny's just like, "Yes."

I know that he was happy about that [bleep]

'cause he wants me to oil him up.

No.

I just want to go home at this point.

I don't want to oil up [bleep]. I'm about to take a plane home.

- That's a wrap, ladies and gentlemen.

Who's next? - [bleep] my life.

- ♪ All I need is your touch ♪

All: Angelina, Angelina!

- Oh! - Damn it!

[all cheering]

- Yo, tonight my boyfriend's getting oiled up by Angelina.

Vinny's about to get oiled down tonight,

'cause he's a stripper.

I'm finna to watch the whole thing and put it on Instagram.

- I'm gonna squirt it in his face.

- You're gonna squirt in my face?

[laughter]

- All right. - Oh, who's got the oil?

- I'm not doing it. - You got to.

You lost the bet, or you have to go back to Staten Island.

- Bye.

This is not gonna-- this is how my life ends.

I don't feel comfortable spraying a kid with [bleep] oil

that I used to date when I'm engaged to be married.

- Wait, you used to date? - Not date.

Oh, my God, I'm an a*s[bleep]. Well, banged once.

- You've ruined yourself.

- My fiancé had rules.

- You better behave yourself out there.

- Yeah, I'm good.

This is gonna be Vinny with no shirt on.

- The Stripper is about to get oiled up.

- And I am touching his body, and this is exactly what

Chris didn't want me to do. I'm not doing that.

- But you did lose.

- That's nasty.

Angelina, come look at this that you have to oil up.

- No. - What do you mean, no?

You know that if you don't do it,

you know what happens, right? - I'm not doing it.

- You got to S his D.

- Angelina's trying to say that she's not gonna oil me up

the same way that she wasn't gonna have sex with me

back in the day.

- Vinny, are you crazy right now?

- Some smooshing going on in that room.

- The same way that she wasn't gonna kiss my feet.

- Ahhh! - This is awesome!

- [screaming]

- She always tries to say she's not gonna do it

and ends up doing it.

- You do it. - I can't.

My hands are registered weapons.

- What the hell are you talking about?

Am I really oiling this kid?

- Yeah, you lost a bet.

- I know. - That's it.

You think Chris is gonna get over it if I do it?

- He's gonna be pissed at you for sure.

- Should I tell him first, or should I just do it?

- That's a good question. [both chuckle]

You're asking me? - Yeah, I'm asking you.

- Angelina decides to ask me relationship advice.

I feel like that's your first mistake.

- Let me know what I should do.

- The old me probably would've done it first

and then got yelled at.

- I'll just do it and let him know when I go home.

- That works too. Just do it.

It's like rubbing [bleep] tanning lotion

on somebody at the-- - Baby powder? Like, really?

- Oh, 'cause he's--armpits.

- What? - 'Cause he sweats like a mule.

- So I have to put this on his armpits?

- If you want to add baby powder, that's on you.

- All right, I'm putting my hair up, and I'm doing it.

- Ooh, yeah.

- Hi, is this the concierge? Yes, hi.

I need a lot of towels, please, brought to the room.

- I'm ready to do this. - Should I get on your back?

- I am a delicate flower, okay, and I'm trying to maintain

my figure for Chippendales,

so that flower needs to be oiled up

and being comfortable being naked.

- Like I'm going into mortal combat.

- I'm getting up for this.

- Oh, Vincenzo.

- Where you want to do this at, in the living room?

- I don't know. You guys tell me.

- I can order towels.

- I can't believe she's doing it.

- Stripper's about to get oiled up.

- Why is there powder? - What?

- 'Cause you need it for your [bleep] sack.

Where am I doing it?

- Angelina's like that person at the party you try

to make them get up and do something,

and they're like, "No, no, I can't. Okay."

- Oh, Vinny, I'm about to oil you up.

Where are you?

- Next thing you know, she has, like,

[bleep] five bottles of baby oil in her hands.

- Ready to do this? - Yeah, bro.

- All right, man, this is your time.

It's your time to shine, man.

- I'm a little nervous. - Where did you go?

- I told her she has to use her hands.

- Can you hold my engagement ring while I do this?

- She's got a lot of oil out there.

- Keep it on the carpet.

- All right. - You ready to do this?

- Yeah, I'm ready, bro. - Let's do this.

- [bleep] my life. I'm ready.

- Let me have the Keto Guido to the main stage, please.

- Whoo! - Remember, everybody,

the more you throw, the more he shows.

Make some noise for the Keto Guido!

- Yes! - Take it off.

- You really have to have clothes underneath that.

- Oh. [excited chatter]

- Ohh!

- I am not drunk enough for this [bleep].

[laughter]

- Vinny, oh, my God!

- Stupid. - Yeah, get down there.

- All right, calm down. - So seductive.

- Nice to see you, Ron.

- So are they fighting? Ron.

- Well, Angelina has a DM from Jen.

I'm trying to see. - Oh, yes.

- What do you have from Jen? - Jen messaged me,

telling me that Ronnie has been missing.

She hasn't spoken to him for a week.

- Oh, God. - It's only a matter of time

before, boom, a Ronpage is coming.