03x17 - Single J-Woww

[bunniefuu]

- I'm very excited to go see the squad right now.

- It's gonna be really emotional.

- I haven't seen them as a free man yet.

- Bro, this is a moment.

- First time seeing Mike. - I'm nervous.

- I love you. - I love you more.

♪ ♪

I got it.

I've been dreaming about this day for eight months.

BDS is in the building!

[all screaming happily]

- ♪ Here I go ♪

- Yeah, buddy.

- The party's here.

- The Situation is under construction.

- This might not have been the best idea.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here. Are you crazy?

- Um, hello?

♪ ♪

- ♪ The last time I saw you ♪

♪ Was like the first time, the first time ♪

[hip-hop beats]

- BDS is in the building. [all screaming happily]

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my [bleep]ing God, Mike's back.

[laughter]

- Mike! - Mike!

- Honestly, like, I am [bleep]ing speechless.

Like, I can't believe the moment is finally here.

That is so surreal.

- What the hell?

- [laughing] - I missed you, my guy.

- I'm officially the Probation now.

- Oh, my God. - I'm so happy.

- This is, like, a sensory overload.

- I'll bet. - Yeah.

- We have so many questions. I can't.

- We have , questions. I hope you don't mind.

- We have , questions. - If you feel comfortable

talking about it. - No, no, listen, listen.

You will only sort of understand prison

if you went through it.

So you can ask any question you want.

You guys are my brothers and sisters.

I'll tell you how it is, you know, how it was.

- All right, so we wrote a ton of questions on note cards.

- Yeah. Okay. - Okay, I'll go first.

Is prison like it is in "Goodfellas"?

- Oh, um, actually,

we did eat like that sometimes.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Like, you guys cook and stuff, or...

- You needed to know someone,

but maybe due to Uncle Nino putting the word out

for your boy here...

- Uncle Nino is pretty connected.

He knows people.

- You know, he's been in and out of jail

pretty much his whole life, so he knows a lot of people.

Maybe. - Oh, my God.

- I had this Boston crew looking out for me.

- Oh, that's what's up! - Whoo!

- Oh, that's what's up.

- Oh, you were connected in there.

- They controlled the kitchen, and they made sure I ate well.

- Nino for the win. - That is amazing.

- Yes. - Yeah.

- Were you, like, the most popular guy there?

- Uh, I was up there, I was up there.

- No, Laurens said you madefriends

with the Russians, I thought.

- Yes, I even know certain words in Russian too.

The table that I sat at for lunch and dinner was--

they were all Russian.

- Wow.

- Mike went from GTL

to KGB?

[snickering]

- Wait, so it was--can you, like, say Russian words?

- [speaks Russian] is "thank you."

[speaks Russian] is "how are you?"

- Yo, I never met somebody that went to prison before.

- Yeah. I even learned a lot of Spanish

because there's a lot of Spanish guys in there.

They called me El Situación.

[speaks Spanish]

It means "we have a situation" in Spanish.

- Oh, we have a situation. - We have a situation, yeah.

- So I feel like Mike got smarter in jail

because he knows Spanish now.

He knows Russian.

Basically, he went to private school,

and he came back a smarter man

and a younger-looking man

and a skinnier man.

We all need to go to jail.

Federal jail.

- I have a question:

was there ever an emergency lockdown situation?

- Yeah, the first day Michael Cohen came in,

which was the president's attorney.

- We heard about that.

- We had a lockdown because there was drones

and helicopters,

and the funny thing about it was,

the most important thing in prison

is pretty much food.

A lot of the guys would barter.

They'll make deals for food.

So when Michael Cohen came into prison, I was like,

"All right, I heard he didn't eat chicken."

So I went straight up to Michael Cohen.

I was like, "Listen, Mike.

I'm gonna need you to do something for me."

It's his first day. He walked in, you know.

He said, "Anything, Mike. What do you need?"

I said, "I'm gonna need you to smuggle chicken for me

"out of the main line, give it to me.

"I'm gonna put it into my locker,

"so I get an extra serving,

and I'm gonna eat it after I lift."

He's like, "No problem, no problem."

I was like, "All right."

Thursday comes around, which is chicken day.

Cohen is nowhere to be found.

- Damn. - Okay?

I'm like, "Damn, Cohen was chicken on chicken day."

- Damn. - You know what I'm saying?

[bleep], though, I saw him a couple hours later.

I was like, "Yo, man, what happened?"

He's like, "Yo, man, they know we trying to smuggle chicken."

[laughter]

I was like, "All right, man. We're gonna have to reevaluate.

The block is hot, okay."

- They're on to you. - You shouldn't have hired

the snitch to smuggle your [bleep], bro.

- A rat. - [laughing]

- If someone were to tell you ten years ago

that President Donald Trump's lawyer

was smuggling chicken for the Situation,

you'd be like, "Get the [bleep] out of here."

How was the food though?

- The food was not very good. - No?

- Listen, the conditions in prison at a whole,

you're not sleeping in a comfortable bed.

You're not eating good food,

and this is for long periods of time.

- Damn. - And you can see

how prison could affect some of the other guys

that were there for longer than a year or so,

'cause eventually it starts to eat away at you,

and if you don't work at yourself mentally

or physically or spiritually,

eventually you're gonna be swallowed up by circumstance.

You know what I mean?

I saw guys staring at, like, the wall and stuff.

I'm like, "Damn, man." - Yeah, that's crazy.

Mentally [bleep] with you. - Yeah.

- Question.

Did you masturbate? - Oh, my--

- Oh, wow. Good question. - "Romance himself."

- That's grown man ish.

I was usually a two a week guy,

because I would do it on my off day from the gym.

- I'm just like, "Bro, look at your [bleep]ing bicep."

- [laughs]

- You [bleep]ed off twice an hour.

Well, where? - Shower, shower.

- Shower. Into what? Spank bank?

Wasn't it kind of--

- There's a drain on the floor, man.

- No, no. - No!

- Do what you got to do, Ron. - Eight months.

A hole's a hole. [bleep] it.

- Like, for instance, Vinny thinks about me

when he whacks it.

- Oh, no, you had to be really good at being mindful,

and you sort of visualize your wife.

- They don't pass around, like,

a Playboy in there or something?

- What? - No, that's contraband, right?

You can't have Playboys.

- To look at porn?

- No. No porn, no porn.

- What the hell was your sex

if you didn't do it for a while?

- That is not cool.

Last night must've been amazing.

- Yo, it was great. It was great last night.

- Wow. - Yeah.

- You have to go celibate for a year

and not look at a tit to enjoy what he had last night.

A naked at a sex party with your wife

sounds like the best day.

Like, he was [bleep]ing living his best life, truly.

- I'm so jealous.

- Every man's dream. - No tattoos?

- No tattoos, but I would like to maybe get

Saint Michael tattooed on me.

It means a lot to me

'cause also I'm four years clean and sober soon.

- Wow. - Yeah.

- So, like, I feel like...

- Four years. - Being on that path

and also me working at rehabs and helping other people,

it's, like, almost like I'm slaying demons

out there and [bleep], you know.

- Why can't we be like Mike?

- Mike is a [bleep]ing role model.

He went to jail. He came out positive.

It didn't eat him up. He made it his b*tch.

And he has a [bleep]ing big-a*s smile on his face.

You cannot ask for better.

- Everybody's here.

We haven't all been together in a year.

- I know. It's crazy.

- We have so much to tell you. - So much.

- Like, I don't even know where to begin.

♪ ♪

- How long have you actually been on the pole right now?

- [laughs] - Yo, two residencies.

- Two residencies.

- I had this guy out in Vegas. He's escorting now.

- So a total of, like, weeks.

- Wow, very nice.

- Is that the door? - There's somebody at the door.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Hi!

Hi!

- Someone's crying. - Oh, it's Laurens.

- Oh, all right. All right. I didn't know.

I was like, "What's happening?"

- I can't [bleep]ing imagine

what Lauren feels like right now.

It's, like, a thousand different emotions in one.

It's excitement. It's happiness.

Her husband's back.

- The wifey's here?

- It's waterfall central right now.

- ♪ I wanna feel everything ♪

♪ Whether it's good or bad ♪

♪ ♪

- She goes by the name of Angelina.

- Shut up.

This b*tch comes out.

- Nicole, Deena, and Jenni, please come up.

- And I'm like--

What is happening?

Is she gonna perform?

- What are you doing? - What are you doing?!

- ♪ I wanna take it there ♪

- Everybody's here.

We haven't all been together in a year.

[dramatic music]

- Hi!

I can't [bleep]ing imagine

what Lauren feels like right now.

It's, like, a thousand different emotions in one.

It's excitement. It's happiness.

Her husband's back.

- Look how tiny she got. Look how tiny she got.

- It's waterfall central right now.

- Laurens, how you feeling, mama?

- How do you feel?

- I'm good.

Like, overwhelmed.

- Bro, that's your rock right there.

And vice-versa.

It feels really good to see Laurens right now.

We felt bad for her the most because we miss Mike...

- Oh, hey. - Come over here.

- Whoa. - [laughs]

- But I can only imagine what it was like for her.

- She's like, "I am not letting you out of my sight.

- She's so happy to have her man back.

She is his rock.

- You guys must just feel so light now.

- Yeah, we're so happy. - I'm, like, PTSD.

Like, when he got in the shower when he got home,

I, like, checked on him. And I was like a kid.

- She checked on me, like, three or four times.

- I'm like, "Is he good?" - Yeah.

- She thought I was gonna be in the fetal position, like.

- It's, like, my brain, like, hasn't processed

that, like, he's there, yeah.

- What a crazy experience to go through.

- Yeah.

- What was it like to touch

your phone again and tweet?

- He didn't know how to do it. - I'm like,

"What is this thing?" - Yeah.

- Wow.

- That had to feel so weird. - "What do you call it?"

- He didn't know how to save a phone number in it.

- There's no contraband, like, phone or something

that was passed around? - There were people that were

caught with phones here and there,

and they were thrown in the SHU.

It's called solitary confinement.

They would find bags of... [chuckles]

Of Chinese food in the woods.

Like, they would get Chinese food delivered...

- In the woods. - In the woods.

Like, drop it off. - Someone dropped it off.

The drop point. - Drop it off in the woods.

- "What's your address?" "Uh, fourth tree on the right."

[laughter]

- Yeah. - That's so crazy.

I don't ever want to live like that.

- No. That's the moral of the story.

You do not ever want to go to federal prison.

No, no. It was a crazy experience.

But I had the love and support of my beautiful wife

and you guys, which is the most important thing.

- I don't know how he does it.

I mean, if I went to jail, I'd be miserable.

Mike made it a positive experience.

I mean, I just wish I had that,

because it's something to really admire.

Like, I wish I wasn't such a complaining b*tch.

- What's next? A house and some kids?

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah.

We about to get it in later though.

[laughter]

- You guys should just do it now.

[bleep] it. - Yeah, just do it.

- We have a smush room here.

- So, Laurens, we had my medium friend Gina come over.

- Uh-oh.

- And obviously I asked about,like,

babies for you guys, and she said it's gonna happen.

- The spirit makes me feel like it'll happen within the year.

- Oh, my God.

- You're gonna get pregnant very soon.

- Yeah, she said it's gonna happen.

- Yay.

- So we got a little basket for you.

- Ooh. - Oh, yeah.

- Full of accoutrements.

- It's a little treat.

Mike and Laurens want to have a baby.

They're so ready. They're married.

This jail [bleep] is behind them,

so we basically got them some sexy stuff to make a baby.

- It's a baby-making basket. - Oh.

- Let's do the toys, let's do the toys.

- I would say the best thing for stimulation

for couples is gonna be a wand.

- Oh, [bleep].

That sounds pretty cool, actually.

- Sounds like a Friday night for me.

- Oh, they got the horny goat weed, kid.

- Oh, my God.

- They got that horny goat weed.

- We want them to have a baby, so just throw it all at them.

We have, like, b*ner pills.

- We got Max Load for you.

- Oh, word. All right, I need that.

- Lubes, we have chains,

deep throat spray.

- What's that? - You're welcome, b*tches.

- Deep throat. - Deep throat spray.

- Oh, that's for Pauly.

- Deep throat spray.

- Wait, that's for Pauly, actually.

- I'm sorry. This is Pauly's. - That's Pauly's, sorry.

[laughter]

- Why did you guys mix this in with his?

Mike's a little overwhelmed by this basket.

I mean, it's been a while since he's seen dildos...

- Oh, my God.

- And pink, furry handcuffs.

- Ooh.

- But they're liking it.

I think they're gonna use some of this stuff.

- What is that? - A vibrating [bleep] ring.

- I was like, "What is this thing?"

- It's to pleasure both of you.

- Okay. And how do I operate it?

I'm taking care of business, cuz.

- Mike and Laurens are literally starting

a new chapter in their life.

Like, this is a [bleep]ing big year for Mike and Laurens,

and I'm so excited to be a part of it.

- My man ain't going nowhere this weekend.

- Damn.

- Mike, Ron poked holes

in all the condoms.

- Yeah, I poked holes in all the condoms for you.

- Thank you. Listen, he is the expert at--

- I don't use those, though. You already know that [bleep].

- At not pulling out. - "My couch pulls out.

I don't." - Facts.

- I've been in prison eight months.

How many kids you got, Ronnie?

- Oh! [laughter]

- You got a kid?

- Mike sat the whole time... - I was waiting!

- He was sitting in his cell,

like, writing down this, and he's like...

[laughter] - Smells like roast!

- Roasting Ronnie the whole time.

- Mike, we've been waiting for this.

- He got out, he's like, "I'm ready."

- No, no! [laughter]

- "I'm finally ready!"

[laughter]

- [growls dramatically]

- He pushes Lauren out of the way.

"Where's Ronnie?"

- She's, like, trying to hug him.

He's like, "No."

- I feel like everything's going back to normal.

Everyone's laughing.

Everyone's having a great time.

Mike is out.

- All right, honey, we got to go.

We have a doctor's appointment.

- No! - No, don't leave us, please.

Now what? - You just got here.

- Mike has to go home for the night,

sleep in his own bed,

have his personal time with Lauren.

I love you, brother. - I love you, brother.

- Good seeing you. - Good to see you, bro.

- I don't want him to go.

I'm like, "You just got here. I haven't seen you in so long."

But now we have him back, you know,

so we're not in a rush.

Like, we have the rest of our lives.

- Take care, man. So proud of you, brother.

- I'm proud of you. Look at you.

- [laughing] - Damn, son.

- Come here.

I need a group hug real quick.

- Let's get it. - I need a group hug.

Hon, we're gonna do a group hug.

Get in here. all: Group hug!

- I wish I could explain it, but I can't.

It's [bleep]ing emotional.

We all stood outside his sentencing.

Hi, babe. - Thank you for coming.

- I love you, bro. Stay safe, all right?

- Thank you guys. Thank you guys.

- Good luck in there. - Come on, honey.

- You could just see it in his face.

- That's our brother.

[sentimental music]

- Oh, my God, bro.

- I can't imagine what they're going through.

- It's sad.

- Now I feel like it's closure

on his, like, past eight months

of [bleep] circumstances,

and it's just, like-- it was such a wonderful feeling

to be able to, like, hug it out.

- Damn, we missed you guys. - We love you guys.

- And when I first got in the car, they were like,

"Where do you want to go?"

I'm like, "Back to the Jersey Shore."

- [dramatically] I was like, "Straight to Jersey!"

- [together] Straight to Jersey!

Whoo!

- R... - S...

- V! - P!

- Whoo!

Free squad!

Now it's free squad, 'cause we're all free.

My guy. - Make some babies.

Eat some more pizza. - Bye, guys.

[laughter] - Oh, my God.

- Eat some more pizza.

[optimistic music]

- ♪ Once I'm free ♪

♪ ♪

- Clockwork. [bleep].

Mike leaves, I check my phone, and boom,

another Roger text.

[tense music]

This has been an ongoing thing with my custody agreement.

- [chuckles] - He sent her a paragraph.

- I'm gonna deal with this for a second.

All of the sudden, now he wants the kids on the weekend,

when I thought I was trading him.

- ♪ Let it burn you ♪

- And I'm just like, "Come on."

Like, I just want time with my kids just as much as you do.

- ♪ Save me now ♪

- I feel so bad for Jenni right now.

We just feel bad for Jenni that she's going through it.

She's such a great person and a great mother.

She just wants to be happy.

- [tearfully] Nicole, I'm at my wits' end.

- What happened?

Oh, my God.

- What happened? - [sniffles]

[crying] He's just not working with me.

- I'm sorry.

It's okay, honey.

- [soothingly] I know.

- He's the worst. I'm so sorry, Jenni.

- [bleep]. It just sucks.

- ♪ What'd you do it for? ♪

- ♪ I do it for the passion I feel ♪

♪ I do it 'cause it's real, I do it for my fam ♪

♪ I do it 'cause I can ♪

♪ I do it for the city where I'm from ♪

- It's okay, honey. - I just miss them.

- I know.

- [sniffles]

Like, I got them for two hours last night

before they were sleeping. [sniffles]

I get them for two hours before they're back to sleep.

Like, they fall asleep by :.

And then, you know, it's, like,

I don't get the luxury of being the fun parent...

And the weekend parent.

I just really... [sobs] Miss them.

'Cause I don't get the luxury,

the fun parent [bleep], ever.

And now, again this weekend, I don't--

- You guys should take turns doing weekends.

- That's not the agreement. I get one weekend a month.

I'm happy the divorce is over,

but now I'm a single mom working a lot,

because now I have all these extra costs.

Greyson's therapy costs a ton.

My divorce cost a ton.

I'm co-parenting with someone

that doesn't want to work with me,

and it's really heartbreaking.

- That's disgusting. - That's crazy.

- Like, how the [bleep] does that work?

- Yeah, I'll figure it out.

- Like, oh, my God.

I have no idea how this girl is keeping it together.

I would throw my phone out the window and hide.

This is [bleep]ed up.

- I just miss them, and I don't want to go to court again.

[sniffles]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Tip-toing all the way to the top ♪

♪ To the top ♪

♪ Get out boy, I can't be stopped ♪

♪ No ♪

- Honey, I think I need to get new jeans.

They don't fit. - I know.

Well, that's what I also wanted to do this weekend with you.

- Coming home from prison right now,

there's a lot of life things that I have to do.

In prison, the conditions for BDS' skin was not optimal.

But I'm so proud of the way I handled it.

- ♪ I'm in it to win it, yeah ♪

♪ I'm in it to win it ♪

- I held my head high. - Hi.

- How are you guys? - How are you?

And I knew that eventually when I get out of prison,

I can do a facial.

- Come on in.

We're gonna get you set up in here.

- All right. - Come have a seat.

You're in the important chair.

- It's a dream come true.

- ♪ We push ♪

- I've only been out of prison maybe hours,

and I'm already here.

- [laughs] We're honored. We're honored.

- Priorities. I gotta take care of the skin.

- Yes. Okay.

- It took eight months to get where I'm at right now.

[funky music]

I'm telling jokes.

I'm flexing my abs right now.

I'm having quote-offs.

No pain, no gain. - Never.

- Because those behaviors right there

are the behaviors of a champion.

I'm regenerating as we speak.

Can you see it? It's happening.

[women laugh]

And now it's time to move forward, be my best self,

and live my best life with my beautiful wife.

I can't feel my face right now.

♪ ♪

- [laughs]

[moody electronic music]

♪ ♪

- What do you want to do tonight?

'Cause I don't want you to feel forced to do something

if you're not in the mood.

♪ ♪

- What do you got planned?

- We're gonna get, like, a little--

it's not a party bus, but, like...

a vehicle for all of us to go to Asbury Park.

- That's fun.

- So nowadays, when people get divorced,

they have this huge divorce party.

It's like a bachelorette,

but a bachelorette for being divorced.

- Going to a drag show. - Drag?

- Mm-hmm, a drag show.

- I love queens. - Yeah, exactly.

- That's what we figured. - Oh, I would do that.

- So as the best friend,

I really want to do something crazy for Jenni,

because she deserves it.

I want her to celebrate being free from all that [bleep].

- That's fun.

- If you want to do something else...

- No, I actually love that.

- Okay.

- Maybe it'll pull me out of my funk.

There is something about drag queens and me.

One and the same.

[upbeat dance music]

Whoa!

And I feel right when I'm at a drag show.

[exhaling] Oh, my God.

Yeah, I love drag queens.

- Anything to make you happy, boo.

I say when in doubt, go to a g*y club.

- Yeah!

[dark electronic music]

♪ ♪

- What are you doing?

- Making some food. - Mmm, steak.

When you're ready, I want to talk to you about something.

- Yeah, go ahead.

- So obviously me and Chris are planning our wedding,

and I know that you and Mike had a lot of...

- Problems. - Problems, tension.

Problems for all those years,

and I feel like me and Jenni are kind of like you and Mike.

- Okay. - My relationship with Jenni

is on and off, up and down like a roller coaster,

but the past couple of months, I've been kind of contemplating

whether to have Jenni in my bridesmaid party or not.

You know, especially what happened with the stuff,

like the bottles of wine, whatever.

That was, like, crazy.

- [bleep]. I swear to [bleep] Christ, b*tch.

I swear to [bleep] Christ.

- I'm kind of like, "Do I ask her to be my bridesmaid?"

Like, I feel like I can't just ask two girls

and then not Jenni, you know, and not have her in it.

- I mean, with me and Mike, you know, since the beginning,

me and Mike didn't like each other.

You still have not brung home a girl better looking than Cin.

- But you'll never get a girl over me, son.

- No, 'cause I have the best -inch [bleep]

I have ever seen, and you're still bringing

home three, fours, and fives.

- You want to hit me? You want to hit me?

You want to hit me? - Facts.

End of the [bleep] story, bottom line.

Don't ever [bleep] say I need help.

Every year it just built up, and it built up,

and it built up, and it built up.

I mean, for Mike, it took for him to get himself right

and for me to get myself right for us to actually have

a real relationship, you know. I feel like with you and Jenni,

I feel like it's just always miscommunication.

- Same. - But you guys are family,

and I think that is it important for you

to have her a part of the wedding?

That's a question you have to ask yourself.

I think it's a great choice for Angelina to ask Jenni

to be a part of her wedding, you know.

Look how far me and Mike have come, you know.

We went from almost k*lling each other

for every [indistinct] to now we're really good friends.

It was an honor to be a part of the wedding.

I've known you for ten years.

You're my family, you're my brother,

and you really are an inspiration to me.

You know, even though we weren't friends

for, say, the last-- - Leading up to that.

- Yeah, leading up to that point.

- I remember that.

- I think that you can have that relationship,

too, with Jenni. It's if you want that.

- If Mike and Ron can, like,

to the place that they are right now,

when they had, like, a toxic relationship all those years,

I do feel like me and Jenni could be similar.

Right now, me and Jenni are in a good place,

and hopefully it stays like that.

She's like the big sister... - She is.

- I never had. - She's like the big sister

I never wanted. [both laughing]

- ♪ We came to party tonight ♪

♪ We came to party tonight ♪

- I'm very excited for tonight--it's a thing.

Divorce parties is a thing. I think this is fitting.

It's what I took some of the diamonds

and recreated it for.

- Perfect to wear tonight. - Yeah.

- Jenni really needs a good time in her life,

and she needs us to be there for her.

- To JWOWW. - Cheers.

- So we need the divorce party to be amazing for her,

because she deserves it.

Divorced.

- Amazing. - Let's pretend this

is your bachelorette. Bride-to-be.

- Bride-to-be. - This is gonna be you.

- Ooh, I feel like a queen. - Just divorced.

- Listen, I haven't been to a drag show in,

like, a long time,

so I'm really excited for Jenni's divorce party.

[air hissing]

- What? - Mother[bleep].

- You're not gonna fill them up with your own [bleep] air.

- Oh.

- You--I thought I was frickin' stupid.

- Nicole, relax. - You're so stupid.

- I'm funny. - Both.

- Don't try this at home.

- Wow, I can't [bleep] breathe.

- [high, funny voice] - I can't [bleep] breathe.

Whoa!

[high voice] Pinch the black shaft.

Let's do Jenni's divorce party!Whoo!

- We're gonna live it up tonight.

- What are you guys doing?

- We're high off helium. - Oh, God.

I want to be high off helium.

- Come on, join the party. - How do you do it?

- You got to [bleep] it, like it's Chris.

- Squeeze the shaft.

- [high voice] What? Now I'm nervous.

- Oh, my God!

- This divorce party has to be epic.

- I got markers, so we can decorate our cab

and say "just divorced."

- Pauly, you want to help? - Sure. What are we doing?

- Grab a marker. We're gonna draw on the car

and say "divorced as [bleep]." - Oh, cool.

- Like they're seniors, and they're graduating.

- Cool.

[laughs] Single JWOWW.

- I love my divorced in the back. Bam.

- DTF. Down to fist pump. This is the DTF wagon.

Don't come near this van unless you're DTF.

- We're such dicks.

- What the hell?

- Ron, you're missing the party.

- [bleep] the? - So there you go.

JWOWW, [bleep] marriage, I'm a super thot.

- Yes. [laughter]

- Now Jenni's ready to celebrate her divorce

and, you know, just try and forget

this Roger drama for now.

- I think it's perfect. - All right, we did good.

- Yeah. - Whoo-whoo!

- Whoo!

- You got some lacquer? - We did it.

- Whoo!

- Guys, I'm divorced.

- Divorce party!

- What's happening?

- I have my wedding coming up,

so I'm officially asking these b*tches to be my bridesmaids!

[hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

- You look amazing. I love it. - You do?

- Mm-hmm. - Thanks.

- Good look for you. - We're going to dinner?

Am I allowed to know that? 'Cause I'm hungry.

I'm very excited for tonight. I have no idea

what the [bleep] my roommates are gonna do for me.

- I can't tell you. - b*tch, ugh.

Except for drag, but I'm excited.

- I don't know nothing. - "I don't know nothing."

- I don't even know my name right now.

- Look at Vinny's khakis.

Where you going, Catholic school?

[laughter]

Where you working at, the supermarket?

What, are you bagging groceries?

Yo, can you get me an appointment at the Genius Bar?

- Do you guys have USCBC converters?

- Yo, can I get some popcorn before this movie?

- I feel like I'm at Best Buy.

Yo, can I get that new iPhone? Did it come in yet or no?

- Do you work at Radio Shack? Do you work at Blockbuster?

- That was original.

- Honk, honk.

- Careful, they're holding on by a thread.

- I will see you in, like--dude,

count to, like, .

- Birth control? - Mm-hmm.

- Let me have one.

- ....

- Damn, and you still get pregnant, like, easy?

- That's how I got pregnant. - Really?

- Mm-hmm. - I feel like

it's been seconds. Can I come down?

- You got pregnant while you were on birth control?

Holy [bleep]. - Three times in a row.

- What? - Oh, my God.

- You really are a fertile Latina.

- You want some divorce juice?

- Can I come down?

- Jenni, you can't come down yet.

- Why not?

- Can I come down now?

Wow.

- Oh, I don't have my ID. I have to go up and get it.

Sorry, Jenni, I have to come right back up to get my ID.

- Your iced tea?

- I have to get my ID. I'm sorry.

- Oh, your ID. Cool.

- Oh, I should bring out my serial k*ller glasses.

- Do it. - I'm doing it.

- Here we go. - I'm sorry. I'm the worst.

- You guys suck.

- Is Mr. Rogers gonna come?

[laughter]

- Like, sometime now? - She's getting antsy up there.

All right, I think we're ready. Okay!

- You can come down!

- Oh, [bleep]. Now I don't want to go.

- Come on down! - Now I'm nervous.

- Here she comes. - It's happening.

- God. Now I'm nervous.

all: Happy divorce party!

- Just divorced.

- Jenni comes down, she's in such a sexy ensemble.

I'm like, "Yes, this is perfect for tonight."

We are ready to party. ♪ Happy divorce party ♪

- Thanks!

- Yo, divorce looks good on you, girl.

- Why, thank you. Guys, I'm divorced.

- Divorce party!

- Happy divorce, b*tch.

- Happy divorce, Jenni. - Thank [bleep] God.

- One, two, three--

all: Single JWOWW!

- I'm a super thot. - There's your chariot, dear.

There's your chariot awaiting.

- Oh, you guys drew on it. Oh, [bleep].

I thought we got attacked by, like, graffiti people and nope.

Apparently, my roommates decided to write "divorced"

all over our [bleep] party bus. I love you guys.

And honestly, I'm not complaining.

I'm not complaining.

- Okay, all right. - We're out.

- All right, let's go. - Whoo-whoo!

- I can be a super thot for tonight.

- Going rogue. - Going rogue.

- ♪ She always in my closet, she wanna try it on ♪

- bottles of beer on the wall.

- Shut up. - Come on, let's finish.

- Oh, my God. Vinny, stop.

- I'm getting the pork chops.

- I'm getting the oysters. - I am a super thot.

- Yes, you are.

♪ ♪

- You want to know something funny?

Mike just got out of jail, and so did Jenni.

- Yeah.

- A divorce party is just another excuse to party,

but we are actually celebrating that Jenni's finally free.

- Champagne. - Yeah.

- Whoo! - Whoo!

- I know that she wasn't happy with Roger for a long time,

so I'm just happy to see Jenni happy.

- Cheers to the divorcee.

- Cheers to Jenni. - Cheers to Jenni.

- Cheers to Countess JWOWW.

[whooping, cheering]

- Cheers to that super thot JWOWW! Single JWOWW!

- When it comes to being divorced,

I feel like a whole new me.

- Who brought the p*nis cake?

- 'Cause it's been just a year-long battle.

I'm so happy it's over.

- Well, I love divorce parties.

You should get divorced more often.

- Same. This is a great meal.

- I've never been to a divorce party.

- Me neither. - Never.

- I see them all the time at Chippendales.

- Really? Are they raging wh*res?

- Actually, the bachelorette parties are raging wh*res.

- So, Angelina, what would you do if you saw Chris,

present-day, oiling down a girl?

- Someone that he slept with. - Years ago?

- She didn't oil me down. She squirted the oil on me.

- Bro, I got the [bleep] footage.

- Wait, she didn't touch you at all?

- Not--never. She didn't touch me.

Did you touch me? - Are you on drugs?

- Are you kidding me? It was so sensual.

- Wait, did she? I forgot.

- Yeah.

- Ooh! - Ooh!

- So seductive.

[sexy music]

- What would you do if Chris got caught oiling up a chick?

- Honestly. - I feel like I'd be all right.

- Chris, it's a go if you want to oil that girl up.

Yeah, do it tonight. All right, Chris.

No doubt, my dude. .

- You would not be okay. - Really?

- Ange, I love you, but you're a lying a*s.

- Be real, b*tch.

- When I first started being with him, he had videos

of his boy banging chicks in, like, a hotel room in--

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What?

- Wait, what? Hold on. - Sorry, what?

- Yeah, wait, what? - Come again? Come again? Como?

- What was that? Banging girls in a hotel room?

- No, you got to rewind and then play back.

- So when I first started being with Chris, in Chris' phone,

he had videos of his best friend banging other chicks.

Like, there was, like, different showers

and, like, literally, like, recording his friend,

like, thrusting a girl, just, like, the silhouette.

- No. Chris was in the room recording it?

- Yes. - Wow, that's--

- Hold on one second.

[bleep] just got real in the b*ttlefield.

- That's called a plot twist. - Yeah.

- Okay, so here's the line, and Angelina's crossing it.

She's now telling us that Chris recorded his friend

having sexuals. Um, whoa.

- I'm a weirdo, and I wouldn't

videotape my friend banging a girl.

- He was like, "It was funny. Ha, ha, ha."

- He definitely smashed one of them girls, I'm telling you.

- But he swears up and down that he didn't do it.

- Are you guys in an open relationship?

- No. - All right.

- I'm stupid. I shouldn't open my mouth.

- You're dragging your fiancé's dirt.

- Here we go.

- I'll [bleep] tell him I told you guys.

I don't give a [bleep]. It's a thing now.

I make a lot of things things, which I shouldn't.

I'm a very honest person, a little too honest.

- Honest is one thing.

- All right, forget I even said anything.

- What the [bleep] is wrong with people?

- I'm such an idiot.

[upbeat music]

- Can you get divorced every week? This is fun.

- All right, let's go. We got drag to see. Let's go.

- Tonight is gonna be a mess, and honestly,

I'm due for a messy night.

- Wow, that bus.

We're incognitus with this [bleep].

- Look at our bus. I can't.

- Here, take a picture. Me and my bus.

- Oh, we're taking a picture? - I think it's just Jenni.

[laughter]

- Pauly, get out of the frame. - He looked so sad.

- I wanted to take a picture, too, you know.

- Jenni didn't want to say anything.

- I'm peeing my pants. - Jenni feels bad.

- I wanted to take a picture, too, you know.

- The group home! - Oh...!

- I almost peed my pants.

That might be the first time

I ever saw Pauly do something embarrassing.

[laughter]

- Here we are. - We're here. Let's go, JWOWW.

- Welcome to Paradise.

- Oh, God.

- Oh, my God. - What happened?

- Did she just fall?

- She almost fell out the [bleep] thing.

- That's great. I am so excited to see drag.

If anybody knows me, they know that's my [bleep],

but the fact that my roommates are doing this, so excited.

[dance music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, I love a g*y bar. - Me too. Yeah.

- Whoa.

- Yes! Jenni loves drag shows.

I mean, this is gonna help her feel better.

♪ ♪

- [sassily] Okay!

- These queens look amazing.

They honestly look hotter than us girls,

and that's usually how it goes.

I'm like, "This [bleep] b*tch."

[cheers and applause]

- [cheers]

[cheers and applause]

- Jenni!

Jenni!

- Jenni has been going through so much.

She's been going through hell,

so to see her up onstage, laughing,

having a good time-- this is why we did this.

- Oh, my God. - Look at her.

- Look at her. - Jenni gets into this mood.

It only happens with strippers and drag queens

and a lot of tequila.

- ♪ You and me ♪ - Whoo!

- ♪ I don't wanna be the one waiting all day ♪

♪ Go ahead and make up ♪

- I mean, these dancers are [bleep] stunning,

and the one that's giving me a lap dance...

- Whoo!

- I am not mad about it.

I'd [bleep] hit it. Like, she is that hot.

- ♪ La-di-da-di-da ♪

♪ ♪

- Honeys!

Come out here and watch a movie with me.

[upbeat music]

- I'm coming.

- All right, honeys.

This is exactly where I needed to be.

- Yeah? - With my sweet wife.

Come here.

I definitely have some FOMO right now.

My friends right now are celebrating Jenni's divorce.

I mean, that's crazy.

I wouldn't want to be in any other place but right here.

But first and foremost,

I have to be with my beautiful wife.

- I need you to myself right now.

- You are number one on my list

and always will be number one on my list.

- Okay. Love you. - Okay?

I'm on wifey probation right now.

I've got a baby-making appointment

that cannot be missed.

I can't wait to go see it.

How about this? I got a good idea.

How about we make a movie?

- Oh, my God. - "Oh, my God."

Yes.

- [laughing] - Yes.

Let's do it.

Okay. Come on, let's go. - Okay.

♪ ♪

Mosley, we'll be right back, buddy.

Stay right there.

Stay right here.

Daddy will be back in a little bit.

Probably, like, three minutes, all right?

♪ ♪

- Did you say three minutes?

[cheerful electronic music]

♪ ♪

- As you know, we have someone celebrating a divorce.

That is something to celebrate around this mother[bleep].

- Yes! - Okay?

♪ ♪

- Hey, girl. - Hello, Angel.

- What's up?

Something came over me,

and I'm like, "You know what?

tonight's the night."

I was going back and forth with my brain

like a ping-pong ball.

Like, how do I do this?

I'm very nervous at this point.

[cheers and applause]

- Do we have anybody celebrating a wedding?

[cheers and applause] - Right here!

I heard that we have a special somebody in the audience

celebrating a wedding.

She goes by the name of Angelina.

- Shut up. - Get up here, b*tch.

- Oh, my God!

- Hey, everyone.

- This b*tch comes out from the back of the stage,

and I'm like...

What is happening?

Is she gonna perform?

What is she doing?

♪ ♪

[trap dance music playing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Get it wet, wet, get it wet ♪

[cheers and applause]

- I heard that we have a special somebody

in the audience celebrating a wedding.

She goes by the name of Angelina.

- Shut up! - Come out here, b*tch.

- Oh, my God! - Hey everyone.

- What is she doing?

This b*tch comes out from the back of the stage,

and I'm like, "What is Angelina doing?"

Is she gonna perform? What is happening?

- So I'm having my wedding soon,

and my girls are here.

- What are you doing? - And I'm--come up.

Please, guys, come up.

- What are you doing?

- Come here! - What are you doing?

- I don't know what's going on,

and now I'm worried, 'cause I'm like,

"What is this b*tch about to do?"

- We have a bond nobody else will ever, like, realize.

- What's happening? What's happening?

- So I have my wedding coming up,

so I'm officially asking these b*tches

to be my bridesmaids!

[cheers and applause]

- Yes! - Yeah!

- Angelina and I just got to, like, a really good place,

but we got a history of arguing.

You can stay and get your [bleep]ing a*s beat.

- Okay. - You can stay and get

your [bleep]ing a*s beat.

- All right. - [bleep]!

- [screams]

- I will never be a [bleep] chew toy.

[bleep]. - [bleep]ing--

- We get the highs.

We got the lows.

I mean, ten years and counting

of, like, crazy roller coaster ride.

- I'll come over to you.

- I'm weird, and I don't like hugs.

But at the end of the day, I do consider her family.

I'm super excited to be Angelina's bridesmaid.

- I'm gonna cry.

- I love you guys. - We do!

- Oh, my God. Like, yes, I do.

It was real emotional,

and the fact that you see all three of us b*tches crying

to be Angelina's bridesmaids,

you just know we love her dysfunctional a*s.

We do! - Love you guys.

- We do!

- She just asked her to be a part of her wedding.

Talk about irony.

We're at a divorce party,

and then you have Angelina asking Jenni,

who just got divorced-- and it's her divorce party--

if she wants to be a part of her wedding.

- Happy divorce, b*tch.

[laughter]

This girl deserves it more than anybody.

[bleep] mother[bleep].

[cheers and laughter]

[bleep] guys. - Wait, what?

One minute I'm like, "Wow, this was, like,

"the cutest thing, so sweet.

I can't wait to be a bridesmaid."

Then I'm like, "All right, let's get off the stage.

"You're ruining it.

Let's go, let's go."

- [bleep] marriage! - What?

- [bleep] marriage?

- She's getting married.

She's getting married.

- "Ladies, I want you to be my bridesmaids at my wedding.

"Also, [bleep] men,

[bleep] marriage."

- She's like ,"[bleep] marriage,"

meanwhile, planning a wedding.

- Who does this? Only Angelina.

- On the count of three, everybody say congratulations!

One, two, three. all: Congratulations!

- Yeah!

[bleep] marriage!

♪ ♪

- [bleep] job?

How did this come into the conversation?

- It's very awkward to me what's going on,

and why isn't Chris here?

So weird.

- We like you and Chris.

When you do things like that,

probably not going to be a good thing.