05x02 - Snooki vs. the Rock

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Cameron is just everything I imagined.

It was just perfect.

- He looks so much like CJ. - One push.

- Therapy doesn't work.

I'm just looking towards the future.

So I hired a lawyer, and I got an MSA.

- What? That means you're getting a divorce.

You're not getting a divorce, right?

- What's going on? - Oh, God.

- This is some complications with little Romeo.

- No. - What happened to him?

- He has a fever.

- Romeo is not coming home today.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- When something is wrong with your child, the world stops.

I can handle,

you know, any situation that happens to me.

You know, and...

oh, my goodness.

But once it happens to, you know, my wife

or my son...

Daddy's got dinner for you.

That's another thing.

You know, it's all hands on deck.

It's a little early dinner.

Daddy's gotta go back to the hospital.

I gotta go check on your brother.

I'm a little scared. I'm not gonna lie, you know?

I'm--[bleep].

[light music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat funky music]

- To the moon.

- Boy bar Saturdays changed.

- Oh, yeah.

- We went from, like, going to the bar

and drinking during the day to two kids, coffee, diapers--

- Still drinking during the day.

We're just not at a bar. - Yeah.

- Before we know it, these two, they'll be the ones going out.

- No, no, no. They're not going out anywhere.

They're stuck with Mommy forever.

♪ ♪

- Hey, you're home. - Hey Grandma.

- How's it going?

- I mean, listen, Lauren is a wreck.

- I was gonna say, how's she holding up?

- I'm keeping a strong front for the family, for Lauren.

- Well, that's what you have to do.

Because if she's emotional

and she is breaking down, you can't do that.

- Baby Cameron's gonna meet baby Romeo.

And they gonna be best friends.

- He looks exactly like Mike. - He looks so much like Mike.

I'm so excited for the babies to meet.

When I had Cameron, luckily, thank God, he was healthy.

We were able to come home on time.

I feel so bad for them. It has to be so stressful.

It made me, like, sad that Mike and Lauren didn't have

that same experience.

I just hope at this point that Romeo is gonna be home soon.

Come on, Bubba, time to eat.

- We're gonna clean up, and then we'll be right in.

- All right. - Can't forget the wine.

This is the most important part.

- Hopefully, everything will be all right in the end.

- Yes. And it will.

- You're gonna get me all of my feels over here.

But you're gonna put Mosey to bed.

- Yeah. - I think he needs to eat,

and take him out once. - I got it.

- You're good? - Okay.

- All right, love you. Thank you so much for the support.

- Love you too. Don't worry; everything gonna be good.

- We're gonna make it. - I'll talk to you later.

- All right. I'll text you when I get to the hospital.

- I got you. Love you.

- ♪ [indistinct] ah, nothing to compare ♪

♪ Ooh girl [indistinct], ah ♪

♪ Nothing to compare ♪

- I just got back from LA, back on the East Coast now.

And today, I am visiting my mom,

because I need to tell her

that I sold my house on Staten Island.

Hi.

- Hi, Vin. - What's up?

I got you a little--a little present.

- Really? - Yeah.

- It's not my birthday. - It's lipstick.

- I know what it is. - Oh. So remember I said

I was thinking about putting the house up for sale?

- Yes. Yeah.

- 'Cause now that I got the LA house...

- Yes.

- I don't really need two houses.

- No.

- So I put the house up for sale.

- Okay. - And it sold.

- You really sold the house?

- Yeah. That's it. The house is gone. I sold it.

- Who's in LA, Vin? The view. You have a view?

- Italian moms are definitely masters at guilt.

- This is your home, Vin. Everybody's here.

- But deep down, my mom is happy for me.

- But I know that you don't like

to be away from your family.

- My family is here. - Right.

- But right now my address is in California.

- For now. - For now, yeah.

- So now you don't have a place to stay on Staten Island?

- Not yet--

- So temporary when you come back, you stay with me. Right?

- Well--

- Right? You'll come, and you live with me.

I'll see you more now than I did before, right?

- I'll crash with you for a little bit.

- Cooking again, laundry again. - Yeah.

So we'll do that for now until I figure out--

- Watching the news again together.

Now that I think about it, I'm glad you sold the house.

Now, when you come home, you come home.

- ♪ Here we come ♪

♪ At the beat of the drum ♪

♪ Runnin' under the sun ♪

♪ Yeah we havin' fun ♪

♪ I promise we only begun, run ♪

[phone chiming]

- Honey. - Hi.

- I'm just getting all of our stuff,

and I will be back soon. And then probably

when I get back, I'll order us dinner as well.

What's happening with--

- Well, wait. Wait, I have good news.

The doctor said that we can take him home today.

[gentle piano music]

♪ ♪

Hello? - Yeah. Um...

- Are you okay?

- Yeah. Yeah. Are you sure? - Yeah.

That--listen, I'll believe it when we're walking out...

- Yeah. - But they said that,

you know, everything is good.

He's been good for however many days in a row now.

He's finished his course of antibiotics,

and he's ready to go.

- Wow. That's amazing.

We're gonna bring our little guy home.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yup.

- Oh, my God. I will be there probably in about minutes.

- Okay. I love you. - I love you so much. Bye.

- Bye. - We did it.

- Babe, I just got a text that Romeo's coming home.

- Oh, finally. Good.

- Ohh, I'm so excited for them.

- Oh, that's good news.

They're waiting for that moment to take that baby home.

- I know.

- Gi-Gi, baby Romeo's coming home.

- That's baby Romeo.

He's going home. You'll meet him soon.

- We got this man.

I will put him going in this way.

Oh, my goodness.

- Other way, backwards. - Oh, it's the other way?

- Yeah. - Yeah. Sorry.

- Oh, my God. - Sorry. Okay.

- You had a long few weeks.

- Oh, it's been tough. It's been tough, honey.

- Ooh. - It's been a doozy

of a two weeks honey, but we did it.

- This definitely changed us forever.

- This a big day for us, honey. It's a real big day.

- When I needed to just cry,

Mike just took over and handled everything.

[funky music]

- ♪ I'm fallin even to the feeling ♪

- Honey, look at the "Welcome home, baby Sitch."

Oh, my goodness.

- ♪ I love it when it get late ♪

♪ And the [indistinct] to escalate ♪

- There's not one other man in this world

that is capable of doing that for our family.

- ♪ All I ever needed ♪

- Look at that, honey.

We did it, honey.

All right.

♪ You're all I ever needed ♪

- Here's to the meatball day.

- Oh. - Ahh!

- [screams]

- Ohh!

I did a little tumble.

- Where is Chris? - Why do you give a [bleep].

- Is the side piece here? - Yo, you know what?

You come in my house and you start with me already.

- Angelina, how far away are we from Aldrich?

We can go check in on the side piece.

- I think you [bleep] off.

- Oh, [bleep].

[upbeat music]

- What's up?

There's nothing that could ever compare to the energy

you get from a live crowd. I miss my fans so much.

So to actually have it back right now is a blessing.

We back.

♪ ♪

Let's go!

I love touring this time of year.

♪ ♪

- ♪ 'Bout to get it jumpin' for the k*ll ♪

- ♪ For the k*ll ♪

♪ Everything I do, man, I do this [...] for real ♪

- All right Mr. Romeo,

you're gonna have a little talk with your daddy right now.

Oh, my goodness.

Here. I got it.

I'm definitely shocked how good I'm getting at being a dad.

Called a daddy-son talk right now.

I'm really cherishing the role. All right.

First rule in the game is, always do your taxes.

Uncle Sam will come get you three years later.

It's a good idea to order a few appetizers

so you get a feel for what's on the menu.

There is a difference between wingers and tendies, okay?

Never leave a tendie behind.

Italians love cars.

It's sort of like the gasoline to our car.

And never fall in love with Jersey Shore.

♪ ♪

- It's warm up here, Vin.

- Ma, why are you walking up the steps?

- Hi Vin. Why?

I can't walk up the stairs to see you?

All right, Ma, I'm good. Thank you.

- Oh, all right. You want anything else?

- Oh, I love staying with my mom.

I don't get tired of her. We love each other, but,

you know, I definitely need my own space.

- Hey, Vin. - What?

- What you doing in there? - I'm in the bathroom.

- You're in there a long time, man.

- Ma, I'm in the bathroom. Can you please--

- You all right? - Yeah. I'm fine.

- You on your phone?

Yeah, Ma. Talk to you later.

- All right, Vin. Love you.

- Bye. Go. - All right. Bye, Vin.

Bye. [line trilling]

Yo, what's up?

- Vinny lives with his mama. - Nah.

- Vinny lives with his mama. - Who's that? Who's that?

- Oh, my God. - Vinny lives with his mama.

- It's Pauly. - Here's the proof. Hi.

- Can you all get out? - Love you, Vin.

- ♪ I was thinking I could wait until I'm older ♪

♪ Not gonna listen to the devil on my shoulder ♪

- Jesus Christ. Ugh, I'm annoyed.

We just blew them up when I got there.

But I'm so dramatic. Hello?

- Hey. - [indistinct] me in.

It's been like a legit year

since me and Deena have gotten drunk together.

It was at Angelina's bachelorette party.

- My gosh. - Ahh!

- [laughs]

Ahh!

I got some wine.

both: Hi.

- Right now none of us are pregnant

so we can have drinks and just be stupid.

Like, that is my goal right now.

- All right. We're gonna be degenerates now.

- Mommy will be right outside, okay? Let's go.

- All right. So mommy meatball day.

[alcohol splashing]

- Oh, I love that sound.

- Same.

- ♪ I've been going out every day and night ♪

- All right. Cheers. Like, two years.

- Cheers to a meatball day.

- This is the life, Dee.

- It'll be lit. - What's wrong with us?

I hate us.

Hey, how old are you? - .

- What am I? Am I ?

- You have to be .

- How old am I?

So I was born ; it's .

I can't do that math in my head.

So let's just say I'm .

How old am I? I think I'm .

- Are you only a year... - I don't know.

Once it was past I stopped really counting.

- I know. - It's like I don't care.

- Ew, fly. Get outta here.

- Now there's [bleep] on the cheese.

- Why I'm I a mess? - You drunk already?

- Kind of. - So what else?

Jenni's blind.

- Yeah. She always chooses the worst time to do things.

- Oh, any time, like, we get together.

- We're about to do a vacation. Let me get my chin fixed.

- Let me go get LASIK on both eyeballs.

- She's a mess.

- ♪ Please tell me [indistinct] ♪

- Babe, can I have my coffee?

- I'm coming.

- I want sprinkles.

- years ago I got LASIK eye surgery done.

But I needed a touch-up surgery,

because now I'm .

[bell rings]

- I'm coming.

- ♪ La-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ I can't hear you ♪

- My a*s is... - Great.

- Sweating.

- Old-school meatball day. CJ, don't look.

[funky music]

- [laughs]

- You're so embarrassing.

- I just peed a little.

- Hello. - Hi, come on in.

Even though she's not a meatball, she's meatloaf.

We're still gonna have, like, a nice meatball drinky day.

- Cheers to--

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Cheers. - Cheers to [bleep].

- Me and Angelina do a million cheers.

- Oh, excuse me. Oh, I didn't mean to.

- Oh, my God, it's really hot in here.

- Oh, my God. Embarrassing. - No!

- My spray tan looks like I took a [bleep].

- Come on. Look this way.

Period. - [bleep] my life, dude.

- Never spray tan again.

- Here's to the meatball day. - Oh, my God.

[bleep] doesn't go down like it used to.

- Who wants to go on the playground?

- Me. Let's be kids.

- Well, how are we gonna do a three-way?

All right, so... - Ohh.

- Ahh! - [screams]

- Give her.

- All right, wait. - [laughs]

- My [bleep] thighs hurt. - [indistinct].

- Oh, wait. We're gonna-- all right.

- Can you breathe?

[indistinct].

- You want to go on the left seat with me?

- What up, [bleep]?

Your vag*na doesn't show.

- I just did a little tumble.

- [laughs]

- There was a rock, and the rock was not classy.

- So good. - So good.

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Yo. - What's up, my boo?

- What up, my dude? What's up?

- I'm actually driving around the mean streets

of New Jersey right now.

I don't know the situation with the baby,

but I definitely was gonna try to drop by.

- I think the wifey right now

and the baby is sleeping right now.

So I could probably sneak out outside right now.

But I'll see you in a minute. - All right, bye.

- Damn, what up my dude? - Gotta be quiet, right?

- Damn, what's up? Good to see you.

- This guy--this guy's moving militant now.

- I missed to you, brother. - I know. Missed you too, bro.

- How's everything? - Good. Good.

- So what's been up, man? I've been really busy--

- I sold my house... - Get outta here.

- In Staten Island. - Stop. Congratulations.

I'm happy for you, but now I'm gonna miss you, my dude.

- Well, listen, I just wanted to try something new in life.

- They say that when you focus on yourself and being positive,

what you seek, seeks out you.

- Yes, threesomes. - Yeah.

[laughter]

[upbeat funky music]

- I want to freeze my eggs, guys.

- Okay. But you don't want to freeze your eggs right now.

- I want to.

Listen, don't get it twisted, people.

I'm not old [bleep].

You know, I'm the fountain of youth over here,

#Filler #Botox [bleep].

But my biological clock is ticking.

- That actually might be a good thing for you being, like,

you're not ready to have kids right now,

but you might want 'em later.

- I'm scared to do it. - Yeah.

- I mean, you have to take care--

- Of course, you have to be, like, ready, and--

- You have to be ready

to take care of someone other than yourself.

- It's like taking care of an animal,

but, like, way more. - Yeah.

- Way more that you have to be around.

- I'm so happy for you, dude.

- Oh, dude, it's an unbelievable feeling.

- This is my first time seeing you since you've been a dad.

- I know, dude.

- Were you freaking out? - I was freaking out.

And I was, like, "Oh, my God, like, what is happening?'

But it was such an amazing feeling.

And then out of nowhere, the day we were supposed

to leave the baby spiked, like, a slight fever.

And then it went--to be honest with you--it went from,

like, you know, the best day of my life

to, like, almost the worst day. - Scary, yeah.

- You know, you were so scary,

because you didn't know what was happening.

- I can't believe that Mike had to go through

another huge obstacle, you know,

especially when it comes to your baby.

Mike and Lauren have had a bunch of challenges in life.

They deserve some smooth sailing now.

But, you know, smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

- Every day that I would come home from the hospital

without the baby, my wife is, like, crying--

- Damn, I had no idea

that you were dealing with all that drama.

- I was deep in the trenches. You know what I mean?

- How are you guys? - Just doing therapy right now.

- How's that going?

- I don't really know if it's helping, but, you know.

- At least you're trying.

- You just gotta be happy, and if you're working on it...

- We'll see how it goes. I just take it day by day.

- Yeah.

- Things are really [bleep] up between Chris and I right now.

And I'm kind of, like, what the [bleep] do I do?

Like, this is a really big decision to make

if I'm gonna stay or leave my marriage.

- This is the time to figure out,

is together you're gonna grow and change, or is it separate?

So I think you have to have, like, a deadline.

- November, it's three months.

- Are we gonna make this an anniversary for our divorce?

Or are we gonna make this an anniversary they we want to

celebrate and continue another year?

- That date is slowly creeping up on me.

Actually, no, it's fast creeping up on me.

He has no idea, so don't tell anybody.

- He doesn't want a divorce? - I don't know what he wants.

Like, I don't--like he tells me he wants to be with me,

but then, like, he says a lot of hurtful things.

Like, [bleep] divorce me already.

- Oh, my God.

- Then he goes into no guy's gonna [bleep] deal

with what I deal with.

I clean up your cat, [bleep] your dog [bleep].

He acts like I don't do anything in our home.

- It's very sad to me to see people

if they're just staying in a loveless marriage.

Because, like, I see my marriage with Chris,

and every day we have new excitements and new things

we're, like, celebrating, and we just, like,

we have such love for each other.

Seeing, like, a relationship not have that,

then maybe, you know, it is time for them to move on

and find their person.

You never talk to us like this.

- Yeah, no, it's been hard.

[sighs] You know. It's a lot.

- And I know, like, it's been, like, rough these past,

like, two years, like, all of us.

But I'm glad we are where we are.

- Mm-hmm. - Cheers to that.

- No. Cheers. - Cheers to all of us.

- I agree.

- Cheers to free therapy sessions.

- You want to be my full-time therapist?

We need you /, days a week.

- ♪ Work hard play hard ♪

♪ That's how the game goes ♪

[line trilling]

- Hello? - Hey, [bleep].

- Ew, Vinny, what do you want, you [bleep]?

- So I know this is a shocker,

but I have to tell you something.

So can I come over?

- Don't try to have sex with me, though.

- You don't try to have sex with me.

Today is a monumental day for me.

I am going to Angelina's house to let Angelina know

I sold my house on Staten Island.

And I get to see the hamster cage in person.

I get to see where the wheel is,

where she works out,

where her little bed of wood shavings is,

where her little water bottle

from the side that hangs down is.

- All right. Are you gonna come here, really?

- Yeah. I'm coming there.

Oh, I didn't think I was gonna have company today.

Ew. Why am I freakin' setting up a cheeseboard

for Vinny? That's so gross.

- ♪ I don't have it now but I better make it happen ♪

- I think I did well.

- Hello.

- Hi, neighbor... - Wow.

- Love of my life, ex-boyfriend of mine.

- The dirty little hamster cage in the flesh.

I like all the art from the wedding.

Where is Chris? - Why do you give a [bleep?

- Is the side piece here? - Yo, you know what?

You come in my house and you start with me already...

no, no, no. I suggest not.

This kid is, like, forever obsessed with me.

- Where does the side piece sleep?

- You [bleep] as*h*le.

Like, I can't understand why Vinny just keeps

speaking about my sex life and my marriage.

Kid cannot control his emotions for me.

Like, what the [bleep] did you come here for?

I'm [bleep] scared right now.

- This is a monumental moment for me.

I have something really--

- Why? Are you pregnant? - No.

- You [bleep] got somebody pregnant.

- No, no, no. - You have Chlamydias.

- Not since our rendezvous.

- That's such a [bleep] lie, you as*h*le.

- Remember how we joked around how when we grew up

you thought that I lived next door to you,

but I really lived miles and miles

and miles away from you.

Miles and miles and miles.

- You're lying. - And miles and miles away.

- Yeah, but you lied about it.

- Okay. - How many miles?

- All right. This address is . miles.

- Oh, she's right, then. - Thank you.

- Now I officially do live miles and miles away from you.

- What do you mean?

- Because I sold my house in Staten Island.

- What do you mean? - And actually,

I live , miles away from you to be exact.

In LA. I'm no longer your neighbor.

- So let me get something straight here.

The whole entire time that you were selling your house,

that was what was in, like, that was your motivation.

- Yeah. That was my motivation.

- To sell the house and get outta

Staten Island was just because of me?

- Yep. Exactly.

And just not have you anywhere within my vicinity.

- Remember, Vinny... - Yeah.

- I'm always right behind you.

- Wow.

- ♪ Okay here we go ♪

♪ Nobody nobody stoppin' the show ♪

- Hey, what's up, my dude?

How are you? - [indistinct].

- Oh, yes. Thank you so much.

Tell Michael I said what's up, and thank you so much.

Honey, you have a package at the front door.

- Pizza. I thought we were gonna be healthy.

- It's very important that baby Romeo understands

where he comes from. You're of Italian descent.

Pizza will be a part of your life

for the rest of your life.

When is he exactly allowed to start to eat pizza, honey?

I wanna start giving him the good stuff.

- Not anytime soon.

- ♪ [indistinct] I cook too ♪

♪ Me chef no stress [indistinct] ♪

[line trilling]

- Hello. - Jenni.

- Oh, hi, Vinny.

- What's up? What are you doing?

- Recovering from LASIK.

- I thought I was just gonna stop by, but if you're, like--

- No, you can come. I just can't really leave my room.

So just listen for the bell.

- Jenni is a masochist.

She's addicted to chopping herself up.

- What the [bleep]? - Oh, damn.

What'd she have a C-section on her face?

- And recovering from it. Jenni?

- Can you bring me up an espresso?

- Sure. I was actually gonna make one for myself.

[bell ringing]

- Hurry up. - See if I can work this thing.

Oh, my God, what the [bleep]?

[bell ringing]

- Bro, what are you doing? Stop.

- O-M... - What the hell?

I don't know if this is a pattern.

I'm just gonna say it. There's always

a recovery with you. What's it gonna be next month?

- You know, I was thinking of new knees.

- I need new knees.

- Why this kid's new knees got faces on them?

- Yo, why this kid's knees look like a skateboard park?

[laughter]

Why does this kid's knees have potholes?

[laughter]

- I want Nicole to see this. - Oh, why, to make fun of me,

'cause I look like "Blade Infinity" over here.

- Hello.

- Nicole. - Hey, sir.

- I'm with Jenni right now at her house.

She needs our help. Come over here.

- I'll be there in, like, minutes.

- All right, bye.

- ♪ Big girl with big boss energy ♪

♪ Big world the people ♪

- [gasps] - I need a nap and a half.

- You tired? - So tired.

I don't even know, like, what city we just came from.

- Same. I don't know what time zone we're in, right?

- I know. - So tour on the road

with Nikki for the first time was great.

We turned up together.

It was lit, and I had a partner,

my ride-or-die by my side, and it feels great to be home

after such a successful trip.

Let's get some rest. - Yeah.

[upbeat funky music]

- Mama?

- Hello.

- Follow the bell.

- Can I come in? Oh, my God.

She's blind. She literally looks like an old lady,

like a giatric.

- Let me see 'em.

Your. - Are you kidding?

- Well, I have to heal. - Oh, yeah, it says "your."

Wait. [laughter]

She looks dramatic, and I'm, like, girl, what did you do?

- Now that you're here, I actually waited,

'cause you were coming here,

but I actually sold my house in Staten Island.

- No way. - So I'm no longer--

- Finally.

- No longer have... - Holy [bleep].

- A New York address anymore.

- So how are you here right now?

- Where do you live? - With my mom.

[laughter]

- Going back to the old me, you know.

- I might have to open up, like,

a pizza place called Romeo's or something.

- Romeo is Italian.

- Cucina.

- We have about seconds left of alone time.

- Did you ever think that we would escape

the past two weeks that was so hard?

- Oh, no.

- You don't wanna talk about it?

- It was just the hardest two weeks of my life ever, ever.

And we've been through some [bleep].

- Yeah. This is the first moment

that me and my wife have reflected

on the tough two weeks that it was for our family.

You know, the coast is clear right now, but it wasn't.

It was, you know, we were in crisis mode.

- I'm just happy he's home now.

- Yeah. - I wouldn't have been able

to get through the last two weeks without you.

There was no way; like, I couldn't survive that.

[gentle piano music]

- Yeah?

Okay.

Okay.

- The simplest of things will spark waterworks

in motion from me,

because I'm still in shock of everything that happened

from my delivery till now.

I went through that with, like, the best partner ever.

- Look where we're at now.

We're eating pizza; Grandma's burping little Romeo.

He's home. He's happy. Everything is good.

Our little family is all starting now.

We made it. I couldn't picture our world without Romeo.

Family is living your best life.

Family is being your best self.

That is the reward.

- ♪ Let me share a little secret ♪

- Love you.

- Thank you for taking care of us.

♪ ♪

- Bye-bye, Vin.

- Living on Staten Island, you're just

raised to just stay there.

You know, you just never leave the mother's nest.

You definitely don't buy a house across the country.

- Bye, Vinny, love you.

- Love you. - See you soon.

- I'm gonna fly you out. You're a fly-out team.

- All right. Nothing wrong with that, Vin.

- Yeah. - It's a good thing, Vinny.

Bye, Vin. Love you.

Don't hit the car in the back, Vin.

- All right. Here it goes. Wish me luck.

- Love you.

Never gets easier, but I know he comes back.

- ♪ I can't seem to shake the shadow ♪

♪ It's always close behind ♪

- ♪ [indistinct] hot tamale ♪

- Yum. Yo, queen. Okay.

I am hosting girls' brunch at my house.

Welcome back to my cooking show where I don't know

what the [bleep] I'm doing.

Move over, Martha Stewart. Ain't got [bleep] on me.

Oh, [bleep].

Juice is getting everywhere.

Come on, you wh*re.

[bleep]. It's five o'clock somewhere.

Cheers to me.

My God, bru-sh**t...

or bruschetta.

Or, you know, bru-sh**t.

Do you remember I had my own cooking show?

I couldn't read the teleprompter,

'cause I drank too much.

Yeah, they didn't renew us.

Thank you to myself for throwing a beautiful brunch.

- ♪ One two, show 'em what you got ♪

♪ Three four, I'ma drop it like it's hot ♪

- Oh, my God, a bug just flew my hair.

- Welcome to the brunch. - Hello.

both: Cheers.

- ♪ We go somethin' for your mouth ♪

♪ We gonna run up in your house ♪

- I'm sure it's not Angelina. She's always late.

- Yeah. She's gonna be, like, an hour late.

- Could I come in? - Hi. Hello.

You look so pretty. - So do you.

- I'm really excited for brunch with the girls.

Especially for Lauren, the new mom, first mom.

Feelings, going through everything they went through

with baby Romeo.

- Lauren would come home from the hospital every day and cry.

- Think she'd be willing

to get out of the house for a little bit

maybe for, like, a girls' lunch or brunch?

- Oh, my God. She probably would love that.

- Really?

- Thank you for doing this by the way.

- Of course.

- Yeah. I haven't seen Lauren since--

- She was pregnant.

- They had such a hard time, you know.

- I wanted them to be ready to tell us,

and I feel like they are at this point.

So maybe if she, you know, brings--

I'm not gonna bring it up, but...

[upbeat funky music]

- ♪ I love my fam ♪

♪ Do what I am ♪

- Babe. Yep.

- Subs are here.

- Oh, perfect. For the fellows, we're doing a Zoom.

- Yo. - Yo, MVP in the building.

- Where you going, Vinny?.

- Oh, I'm about to go into the gym.

- Oh, damn. All right.

- Oh, you still do that?

- Bring your leggings.

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

[doorbell rings]

- It's happening. - Hi.

- Mom. Oh, my God; you looks so amazing.

- Thank you.

- Look at your boobs. I love them.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Look at her t*ts. - Do you want wine or anything?

- I'll have a wine.

- Yay. - A white?

- Yeah. Whatever you have.

- I feel like a little bit of wine for Mom's diet,

it's a must, because, you know, it keeps you, like, just chill.

- You sit there like a lump on a log,

and you don't do [bleep].

- Deena had that box wine today, boy.

- Welcome to the mama's club.

- Oh, thank you.

- How's it going being a dad over there, man?

- Romeo sleeping, but I just sent you guys

a--a photo of your nephew.

- Look at that little peanut.

- Yeah. He's got the coolest uncles on the planet.

- I think he's gonna like me better than he likes Vinny.

- No, he's gonna think you're a dinosaur.

- [laughs] For real.

Yo, Mike, how's Lauren feeling?

- It was really rough, man.

For at least two weeks, man, Romeo was in the NICU.

We didn't really know what the problem was.

So we're like, "Why can't we bring him home?"

- All ready to go, bags are packed,

and they're like, "Oh, he got a fever,

and he has to go to the NICU." So it was just really a lot.

I don't think I'll ever not be emotional

telling this story, because it's the heaviest thing

I've ever gone through.

And that says a lot.

They do, like, a spinal tap.

They do, like, everything. - Oh, my God.

- And everything came back negative.

So they decided they're gonna treat him with antibiotics.

And to get antibiotics intravenously in a newborn,

you have to go through, like, many locations.

- Oh, my God.

- And then I'm, like, emotional postpartum--

- Of course.

- Postpartum is crazy.

- And I'm like, "Is he ever coming home?"

A NICU is not any place you wanna be as a new parent.

as a parent ever.

- Cheers to Romeo. - So we're happy.

- A thousand times. - Cheers to Romeo.

- Everything you guys have been--

- Wasn't Angelina supposed to show?

- And now I'm officially part of the mama's club.

all: Yay!

- Mama bears.

And at least your vag*na didn't, like, rip the as*h*le.

- Yeah, there's a plus to everything.

She heard me rip.

- Ahh!

- Oh, my God. - Oh, [bleep].

- Guess what. One of my shows

is on the East Coast, and it's at Headliner,

so I need y'all to come through.

- You have to come, bro.

- Now that I'm on the West Coast,

people are all getting together on the East Coast.

- Damn, I got FOMO. This is different for me.

It's ad that everyone's gonna get together without me.

- I'll see you guys in Jersey, not Vinny.

- I'll see you guys in a little bit.

Text you later. - All right, guys.

MVP, and we out.

Ahh.

[doorbell rings]

- Um, hello.

Um, hello.

- It is so nice of you to show up.

- Oh, my God. - Come on, Ang, you're late.

- I'm on Angelina time.

- Welcome to the mama brunch.

- Angelina time, is to be fashionably late.

- Cheers to Angelina finally showing up.

- At least I show up, though.

- For the first time. - All right.

- She freaks out.

- She needs to touch everyone's glass or else she's, like--

- Yes. It's my OCD.

I am on medication, but I'm still

[bleep] up, people. - Hey, listen...

[laughter]

- Don't [bleep] up, people.

- I'm on medication.

- You're wearing your ring.

- Oh yeah, no, I always wear it.

I mean, we're just kind of, like, floating in the water.

Just, like...

- Floating in the water; I don't know what that means.

- We are kind of just, like, friends more.

- You're friends right now?

- We don't have any sex, so--and it's been over a year.

- Oh, wow.

I wonder if, like, they're doing at least oral

or something?

- Why are you still in this relationship?

- I don't know. - Are you afraid to leave him?

- I think that people don't really know

how much I'm going through it.

The rumor is like, oh, this and that and this,

but they don't really know what's going on behind

closed doors with my husband and I.

It's almost, like, am I gonna resent--regret it?

Or, like, am I gonna sit there and be, like,

"Oh, well, he was really a nice guy."

Like, I always think about the future.

- So bang him.

- Exactly.

- We are definitely due for a family trip.

- Yes. - All of us.

- Angelina, we can go check in on the side piece.

- [bleep] off.

- Oh, damn. - The disrespect.

- ♪ Every time I give 'em heaters ♪

- ♪ Give 'em heaters ♪

- ♪ You know I'm about to break the meter ♪

- ♪ Break the meter shawty yeah ♪

- ♪ I been out of that two-seater ♪

- ♪ That two-seater ♪

- ♪ you know I'm about to break the meter ♪

[phone rings]

- Yo what's up? What are you doing?

- Not much, man. Just on tour doing my thing.

What are you up to?

- You know, I was just busy. Just doing [bleep].

Mm.

- Yeah, no doubt. You look busy.

- Yeah. It's been cool. It's been

it's been [bleep] cool and [bleep].

- Yeah. We definitely wish you were coming

to the family dinner.

- Yeah.

I'm a little upset that I'm on the West Coast

by myself.

Why is it that when I'm not around

everyone's doing things?

I don't know if, like, I miss my mom or I miss my family,

but something's definitely, like, shifting a little bit.

- Yeah. I mean, I feel you.

I'm sending you some Pauly D positivity.

- The only thing negative about you is your COVID test.

[upbeat funky music]

♪ ♪

- We're, like, an hour from Seaside.

- Wait. - This is where it all began.

- Like, literally? Why haven't you told me?

- Yeah. Welcome to New Jersey.

- All right, Mommy and Daddy's big night out.

You ready, honey? - About ready as I'm gonna be.

- We all haven't all gotten together, like,

I can't--what was the last time I saw Pauly?

I think the Poconos. - Yeah. It's been a long time

since everyone was able to get together.

- Tonight, we're having a couple's dinner.

Oh, man, Nicole's not coming.

Pauly is finally on the East Coast

getting ready for his show tonight.

So I'm super excited for that.

All right. - All right, have fun.

Just sneak out.

- Have to give this man another kiss,

'cause it's Daddy's first night out with Mommy.

- ♪ You kind of light it up ♪

- ♪ Light it up, light it up, light it up ♪

- ♪ You kind of light it up ♪

- Love you. - Bye, love you.

- See you later. Okay. Okay. Okay.

- Okay, be a good boy.

- Come on, honey. Thank you. - Love you.

Talk to you later. - No, but we need--

this will be good. It'll be a fun date night.

- I actually don't know who's coming.

Like, I'm curious.

Angelina talked [bleep] so much about [bleep] Chris.

I'm assuming he's not coming.

- I kind of hope Chris is coming, 'cause I like Chris.

- I know you like Chris. - We talk about wrestling.

- Oh, God.

- You're really combing your beard?

- Yeah, gotta keep it fresh.

- I never knew you combed your beard.

- I comb my pubes too. - Ew.

Chris and I, we're still in the same boat right now.

But I'm inviting him to dinner, so that's a big plus.

- Excited?

- I mean...ugh.

- Yeah, this is, like, literally

almost in Jersey Shore. - Really?

- I can't wait to show you that one day too.

- Yeah. You always talk about the boardwalk

and the games and stuff.

- Yeah. Funnel cake. - Funnel cake?

I know... - And the ride.

- You never had a funnel cake? - No.

- What's wrong with you? - What's a funnel cake?

- Ooh, I'm done with you. - Let's go.

- Let's go have a good night at least, you know?

It's always great to see the roomies again.

But at the same, I don't wanna keep answering question

after question about my relationship status

and if I [bleep] my man, if I had sex with him.

- Do you have a boyfriend?

- [sighs]

- The streets are talking.

- Oh, God. - You guys drive together?

- Yeah. We came together.

- Nice. - Yo, shut up

with your [bleep]. - Come on, Vin.

You gonna go like that [inaudible]. Come on.

The subjects here are Angeliners and Chris.

You were eventually in the blogs over here.

- Listen, I'm a jokester all day, every day.

I like to joke around, but sometimes it gets, like,

to the point where I'm, like, all right,

you know what? Enough is enough.

- Should be a fun night. [chuckles]

- For some reason, you like this [bleep].

- It's not that. Let's see what--let's see what happens.

- Okay. Well, let's do that.

Ay-yi-yi, it's always something.

- ♪ Out of pocket getting money in my jeans ♪

♪ Like a rocket give me space I'm a king ♪

- Does it say how long?

- Usually it takes, like, minutes.

- minutes?

- I'm excited to eat.

- Just make sure you don't [bleep] it out in two minutes.

- Well, that I can't promise. - Come on.

- [indistinct].

- [slurping]

- You took that with you? Why?

- Because I like to--when I drink now, I like to hydrate.

- Deena, that is so embarrassing.

- And you know Angelina and Chris are gonna be there.

Yes.

- Make a right, please.

All right, now I'm getting nauseous.

I gotta get out. Can I walk the rest of the way?

- No. [laughs]

- She's, like, sometimes she's, like, word vomit where

she'll tell you everything. And sometimes--

- Oh, we don't have to say a word.

We'll just be, like, "Hi." And then she'll tell us,

"I haven't had sex with Chris in two years."

- Nine years. Yeah.

- Everyone's like, "You're so disrespectful."

- You are. - How am I disrespectful?

- [slurping]

You're embarrassing.

- It's cool. Mike and Lauren haven't left their baby.

- First time there are going out without the baby.

- I know. - Wow.

- I'm very excited that it is

our first night out, which is very cool for us.

We got, you know, all jazzed up and such.

- [slurping]

- And speaking of traveling,

Pauly has been traveling with Nikki,

which is probably a new thing, you know?

- I can't wait till they get married.

- That thing is bigger than you are.

- We're gonna have a good time.

Let the fist-pumping begin. Let's go.

- All right. We're here.

[funky music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm too lit ♪

♪ Oh hey let met talk my sh... ♪

♪ [indistinct] ♪

- Yay!

[indistinct chatter]

- Does anybody know where Pauly is?

- He said he was right down the street like--

- I know. - Oh, hello.

- Hey, there's the happy couple.

- There's my Jersey family; what are we cheersing to?

- Cheers to all of us being together.

- Yes. - And family first always.

[together] Hey. Salut.

- Sitting down with everybody, and everybody looks different.

Deena had her baby, Lauren's had her baby.

Mike's looking extra BDS like he always does.

And Chris ain't blue no more.

- Oh! - [screams]

- I don't know what to [bleep] say.

- Best thing about being back on tour is coming

to the East Coast, 'cause I can to see you guys.

- It is surf and turf time.

- Oh, my goodness.

Is that for us as well? Oh, my God.

- Yo, last time we were all together was the Poconos.

- I know. - Oh, wow.

- It was freezing.

- We are definitely due for a family trip. All of us.

- Staten Island?

- Angelina, how far away are we from Aldridge?

[tense music]

- What the [bleep]? - Check in on the side piece.

- Come on. Oh, [bleep].

- [bleep] off. - Oh, damn. The disrespect

- Two can play this game, [bleep].

Like, I'm pissed off right now.

People will always spread rumors about me.

Maybe I should say I heard a rumor about them.

Yo, I heard through the streets...

It's fair game now.

♪ ♪

- Oh, damn.

- Angelinas, are you serious or you're joking?

- I think she's pranking us, bro.

Some crazy rumor just started.

- Whoo-hoo! LA. - We're here.

- So he has no idea that we're showing up right now.

- No. - I don't know if he's gonna be

so happy to see me. - Girl, ya think?

- Vinny, everybody

makes a [bleep] something about each and every one of us.

- We're gonna do it to each other?

You lost me as, like, a good friend.

- Okay, well then, I don't [bleep] with you then.