05x09 - Happy Birthday, Vinny!

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Guess what? We're in Florida. So are you gonna come?

- Yeah, I'll be there Wednesday.

- Maybe we do a m*rder mystery.

- You need to have some kind of a love triangle

with a couple fights.

- That's not her. - It is.

- Jenni's invested in this couple we saw fighting.

- That was her with a different guy.

See? This is gonna turn into [bleep] "Dateline"

in, like, three days.

- No, no, no, no.

[overlapping shouting]

- Oh, no. [all shouting]

- Oh, my-- - No!

- ♪ Get crazy, get wild ♪

- Yeah, buddy!

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- ♪ If you wanna have fun, then do something crazy ♪

- ♪ I got m*rder on my mind ♪

♪ I got m*rder on my mind ♪

- Somebody straight up got m*rder*d.

- What? - Oh, my God.

- Somebody just got m*rder*d, bro.

- Stop, stop.

I planned this m*rder mystery prank.

- No!

- Oh, my God.

- Everyone is falling for it.

- Somebody get them out.

- What was that? - Start doing CPR.

Come on. Go harder! Go down harder!

- Angelina was, like, freaking out.

- Just someone let me in!

- She might friggin' blow the whole thing.

Where is security to get them out?

- Yeah, but he's gotta press harder down!

- They know how to do it. They're medics. They're medics.

- They're not. They're not even pressing down hard.

- We gotta go. - No, we're not going.

Where can you tell us to [bleep] go?

How do you, like, expect us to just [bleep] leave someone?

- What the [bleep]? Are you kidding me?

- There's nothing we can do to help him, you guys.

- I would like to know if he's alive or not.

- Did you call ?

- That was the same guy with the girl.

That was the same guy with the girl.

- That's her. She's with another man holding his hand.

- No, time out.

- Maybe that girl that he was with,

maybe, you know, something happened.

- See, no one better could have found him.

- No one better could have found them.

- [laughs softly]

Yeah, I'm an actress.

Give me an Emmy, b*tches.

[sweeping music]

No! [sobs]

You think they k*lled that other guy?

- I don't know. I mean, we're jumping

to conclusions, but it's possible.

Everything's possible. I mean, I don't know.

- This is going way better than I thought.

- The same girl with the red hair--

he had no shirt on too.

- They're talking about this couple.

They're talking about her cheating.

Oh, my God, this is perfect. [laughs]

- Let's say it's the guy that just passed the pool, right?

- I don't think it could have happened so fast.

- That's why I don't believe it's a drowning--

- Unless he was unconscious. - And then she bounced.

- [bleep] scary. - Yeah, of course.

- Listen, life's gonna happen on life's terms sometimes.

- Mike, shut up with the quotes.

[laughter]

I just saw a [bleep] dead guy. Shut the [bleep] up.

I'm trying to think happy thoughts.

I'm trying to think about, like, my jump rope.

I'm trying to think about chicken cutlets

but I kinda think I lost my appetite.

- I mean--

- They should look at that redhead.

- She walked in with a guy.

Then at the end of the night, she's with another guy.

This didn't look right for me.

- We just witnessed a m*rder, bro.

- [laughs]

- I wanna know where the husband is.

- Maybe the husband did it. Just push--just pushed him

in the pool out of nowhere and just ran.

Like, I don't know if this is a m*rder.

None of us know.

This is actually, like, really frightening at this point.

- This right now is a crime scene.

- Oh, man.

- So here's the deal.

You guys, I don't know if you guys just saw

all the sirens and cop cars.

They're probably gonna come and ask us a bunch of questions.

- I think we're all suspects at this point.

This is madness.

This is actually happening right now.

I feel like I'm on a crime show.

- Wait, guys. Our stories have to match up here.

[laughter]

- Vinny's scared, bro.

- "Jersey Shore" cast gets questioned for a m*rder.

- So how you guys doing?

- Pretty good. - Good, how are you?

- First of all, there's been an incident.

You guys are aware of.

I'm just asking you some questions.

- So this is the next part of my plan.

He needs to be in full acting mode and really sell it.

- Which one of you came up on the--the incident first?

[tense music]

- God. Me.

So I just saw a body floating and then I freaked out.

That was it. - Okay. So--

- Vinny did it! Vinny did it!

- Oh, my God.

- Take it serious, guys. Seriously.

Like, it's not--please.

- Was the body face up, face down?

- Face up. - Okay.

- You are? - Michael.

- Michael.

- I am not a stranger

to being interrogated by the law.

[laughs] Unfortunately.

I thought the man from a distance looked like

he was either on drugs or had too much to drink.

- They both looked under the influence of something.

- How would you know if he was on drugs, or...

- We've all been drunk before, personally.

- Okay.

- So does anybody else have anything to add?

- We might have seen him prior with a female.

- What did she look like?

- Redhead, probably early s in a black dress.

- Let's get a timeframe on this for Officer Rice.

Maybe we can get the actual names of the pools

because they're all named.

- I do feel bad. - She pushed him.

Yeah, maybe that's what she did.

- I have to tell them we're at a m*rder mystery dinner.

Okay, I just have to say something.

Um...

Welcome to m*rder mystery dinner!

- Are you [bleep]-- [all shouting]

- Yo, [bleep], are you [bleep] kidding me?

- Throw Deena in the pool! Throw Deena in the pool!

- I can't believe it. What?

You're terrible. Wait, who was involved?

- Did you know?

- Yeah. - Oh, you [bleep].

- And everybody here. - What?

- They put everything together, like the cameras.

- [bleep] you people.

You guys suck. - [bleep].

- Wow. They played you guys.

- You made me cry.

- So what's happening,

this is a m*rder mystery dinner.

I wanted to do a fun event--

- Oh, my God. - This is fun to you?

- Well, it wasn't supposed to go that far.

- A little on the dark side, but good prank.

It was just dark.

Like, Deena went to places

that the prank w*r champion wouldn't even go.

- Gangster. - I give her props for that.

You're sick. You're sick.

- You had him good. - I should be an actress!

- That was the darkest thing I've ever seen, Deena.

- I need therapy.

- I-I really don't believe anybody these days,

so I was definitely not shook in any way.

- Well, I don't wanna see dead bodies though.

- But then I turned it into a fun night, I feel.

You're gonna see the actors. They're alive.

Like...

- That was the best prank I've ever actually seen in my life.

- I don't know. I wouldn't say that.

- Judgey Lauren's like,

"Ugh.

[sighing]"

Calm down, Laurens.

- That was so fun. Who doesn't love a prank?

- Deena was screaming in there. You just couldn't--I couldn't.

- It was a very traumatic experience.

- That was [bleep] a [bleep] image.

[tense music] - Okay. Well, whatever.

So I'm [bleep] up.

- Yeah.

- I'm a terrible person.

Everybody should put me on a fire.

It was a prank. It was a joke.

Like, sorry. Like, welcome to the family.

Whatever. Anybody else would've done it.

- You put us all through such trauma.

I'm kidding. Calm down.

- No, because there's a lot of hypocrites at this table.

- Well, I think that

if we did this to you, you would be upset.

- You would be really upset.

- No, I would [bleep] roll with it

because I knew what we were doing here.

- Whoo, I think Deena just had built up a rope.

Built up, built up.

- You also have a baby to go to.

- I'm not pushing it because I brought people

to take care of him. That's why, okay?

So like, please. - And bam.

- He [bleep] consented. He's [bleep] alive.

[tense music]

- It came to a head. - I was a good actress.

You would have done exactly what I did.

So let's be real.

- Shots fired!

After you k*lled the pool boy, what did you watch on TV?

- Where were you minutes to go?

- Why'd you do it?

- Did you give him a [bleep] and then push him in?

- What? - Oh, my God, calm down.

- All right. All right, all right.

- Meatball.

- Meatball!

- Whee! Whee!

- k*ll the engine. There's gators.

- There's crocodiles in the water?

[all shrieking]

[tense music]

- You would have done exactly what I did so let's be real.

- Shots fired!

- Because people are [bleep] judging me.

- Deeners, I'm not hating on you whatsoever, no way.

- I know, but I feel like you guys are judging.

- You did good. - You did good.

- The best [bleep] prank I have ever [bleep] seen in my life.

We all know it's fake. The guy's not dead.

It was [bleep] awesome.

- The moment you stood up and said it was a joke,

it was like "Oh, relief."

- You did a fantastic job.

- You did good. [all speaking at once]

- So let's do that instead of judging me.

I [bleep] wanna see her more like this.

Yes to Deena! Get like this!

Whoo!

- Like, how many times have I been pranked for years?

years!

- Yeah, two passengers in the car.

I think they're going to Jenkinsons.

- Is that New York City?

Where are we going?

Sharks? - There's sharks.

- Shark! Shark! - Sharks!

- Vinny! What am I supposed to do?

Ow! What the hell?

Oh, my God!

[laughter]

"Just kidding. You're going to Jersey."

[overlapping shouting and cheering]

- "Now my release date is under review

because something y'all did in D.C.?"

- My God. I'm going home.

- Prank w*r champion!

Prank w*r champion! - [screams]

- It wasn't like we're just pranking you like a guy died.

This is a m*rder mystery dinner.

We're gonna find out the person that k*lled him.

- You have to like--you have to figure it out, like, cool.

- We're gonna bring the suspects in here

and you're gonna have a chance to interrogate them.

So come up with who you think committed the crime,

how did they commit the crime,

and why did they commit the crime.

- We need to put these pieces together, this crime,

so we can find out the m*rder.

After you k*lled the pool boy, what did you watch on TV?

- Why would she k*ll a guy who was dicking her down?

- Because it wasn't good. - Women do that.

- Where were you minutes ago?

- Why'd you do it? - Did you do it together?

- Why did you k*ll the pool boy?

- Did you give him a [bleep] first and then push him in?

- What? - Oh, my God, calm down.

- All right. All right, all right.

- Maybe after they had sex, he got hungry.

- You're serial K*llers.

- Plot twist. M. Night Shyamalan, what's up?

Maybe I k*lled him.

- I pegged that. [laughter]

- Everybody is into the game and excited to play.

I'm having so much friggin' fun.

- Vinny said both of them committed the crime.

"They drugged and drowned him. Crazy people."

[laughter] Angelina and Chris said,

"She banged him and he k*lled him."

[laughter]

Pauly D says, "Vinny committed the crime."

There you go. The Situation says,

"She did it. Drugged him by the pool

to frame the husband."

And believe it or not, of all people,

The Situation is the one that figures it out.

- Oh!

- God help us all.

- Being one with the streets has really finally paid off.

It takes a con to know a con.

[laughter]

- Hey, Deena, that was amazing. - Thank you.

Like you all thought there was someone in the pool.

- Yeah, %, %. You got us.

Deena, I have to hand it to her, She did a great job.

She could definitely hang with me and I would love

to work with her on a future prank.

- Prank w*r champion!

- ♪ I'm a champion, I'ma win-win ♪

♪ I'm a champion ♪

- All these people have PTSD.

- Deena made my wife cry.

- I'm sorry.

I friggin' got them.

I'm the best.

I'm a little drunk also.

I deserve to have some wine. And guess what?

I'm gonna go have some more drinks

'cause I [bleep] won. - Yeah, that was fun.

- Did you enjoy it? - I did.

- Some people made it like, "Oh, it's so dark."

I'm like, "Relax. What the [bleep]."

- It was a doozer of an evening, for sure.

- Yes. I didn't wanna see that. - You were crying, I mean.

- Some people are just, oh, so uptight about [bleep].

- Relax.

- Bro, the last person I would ever think was Deena.

- Yeah. - Bro.

- She's like "There's hypocrites at this table."

- I'm like, "Dang, tell us how you really feel."

- You're supposed to make people mad.

That's a good prank.

- I cried. I called my therapist.

- You didn't call your therapist.

- I texted.

- Sometimes in a group like this,

you're gonna have your few that are like, "Oh, my God."

- Yeah, why? - People are just...

I don't know, man.

Mike was like, "What sex position did you do?"

- After two years,

what was the position that you actually picked?

- Oh, my God, you're going there?

- Oh, we're not [bleep] doing that.

Come on, Mike. Really?

Why--why do you need to know that?

- Mike likes to stir the pot. Let's be real.

- The pot is boiling-- boiling water,

and it's-- it's [bleep] exploding.

♪ ♪

- ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

- Who wants to see? We're going to Florida, mama.

You excited?

It's finally the time, Giovanna.

You are coming with Mommy on vacation.

This is literally gonna be like the funnest trip.

[upbeat music]

Let's go to Florida.

Jersey is out. Bye, b*tch.

- ♪ Every single day when the sun comes up ♪

♪ No exceptions, gotta show love ♪

♪ Forever we young, no, we never growing up ♪

- That was a bad-a*s prank.

- I'm not okay. That's worse.

I'd rather see the guy die.

- It was worth it. I don't care.

- Hey. What's up, Choocher? Was just talking about you.

- I texted my sister last night.

I go, "There was just a body floating in pool.

All the medics jumped in. Don't know if he's alive."

- She's like, "Was it a party or something?"

I said, "No, just a guy walking around I guess.

[bleep] was crazy."

- Oh, my God. [laughter]

- And then I go, "Oh, my God, it was a prank."

[laughter]

- A couple from the resort called the cops.

- Bro, we were got bad.

- Yo, I can't believe she pulled that [bleep] off.

- I know. - Deena was, like,

getting snippy with Lauren.

- There's a lot of hypocrites at this table

being [bleep] sensitive.

He's [bleep] alive.

- And I kinda like it.

Deena is a badass when she gets pissed off.

That's my type of friend.

For the first time, I was kinda like, having like,

a popcorn moment, eating the popcorn,

like watching it in front of me.

- I feel bad that I yelled at her,

but she was being snippy to me.

Don't be snippy to me. I'll be snippy back, okay?

- You keep saying "snippy," but I hear "bitchy."

- So yeah, she was being bitchy so then I was being bitchy.

- [laughs]

- I was like, "Oh, [bleep], round two."

- Some stuff is gonna go down.

- [grunts]

- Vinny, what are you doing?

It looks like you're [bleep] the floor.

- [grunts]

I'm trying to get more flexible.

So I've been trying to learn how to, like, do splits.

- Oh, my God.

- I'm a stripper in Vegas.

I go out there for months at a time,

to shake this dangaling.

I want to, like, you know, go against the wall,

do the handstand with the twerk.

Dude, I swear to God.

- ♪ Wanna lay it down ♪

♪ So I can get your split ♪

[sultry music]

♪ You know you wanna ride it ♪

♪ Come on and ride it ♪

♪ You wanna ride it ♪ - Hey, Daddy.

- ♪ Come on and ride it ♪

♪ Lay down ♪

♪ So I can get your split ♪

♪ Wanna lay it down ♪

- [sighs]

[cell phone rings] - Oh, it's Mike.

Yo, yo. - What up, man?

Good morning. How's the godfather today?

- I'm good, man.

- How's the not godfather right now?

- [grunting]

♪ ♪

- I'ma send you a picture.

[message blips] - Wait a second.

Wait a second. Stop it. Stop it.

This man's doing splits right now?

- Now I know why you didn't pick him as the godfather.

I think it's time that MVP to assemble

for a little bit of breakfast and have a little bit

of a sit-down for what's-- what's to come.

- All right. All right, peace out.

- We're going to breakfast?

- Yes, sir. - All right, my dude.

- ♪ I brought the energy ♪

♪ Remember when I had nothing to lose ♪

♪ Remember saving up... ♪

- [laughs]

So I'm going with Buckner and Zack

to the bar to get coffee.

- Remember, Chris, always defend our relationship.

- Yeah, like you do for me. I know.

- I mean, sometimes I don't. You're right.

- [laughs]

- Hey, Lauren. - Hey.

- Wanna go to breakfast with the girls?

- Yeah. I'll see you in a bit.

- I feel like you guys are, like, my bodyguards.

- Nikki, do you wanna come to get breakfast

with the girls at the pool?

- Yeah. - But don't worry.

It's not the dead pool.

- Oh, now there's a lifeguard here.

- You think they're looking for that dead body?

- Everyone's in black attending the guy's funeral right now.

- All right, boys.

We have a bit of a celebration happening tonight.

- Oh, word? - Yup, yup, yup.

So tonight, Big Daddy Sitch is gonna go big.

I'm gonna celebrate that I'm a free man.

[music winds down]

- You--you been free though.

- Yeah, we already did you a get-out-of-jail party.

- You're a free man. - Yes, yes.

Pauly knows about this. I'm off paper right now.

- Oh, off-paper party.

- I just got my voting rights restored.

Okay. Passport has been returned.

- Know what that means? Party time.

- Also-- - He just got a new shirt.

Know what means?

- Party time. - And--

- Yo, those new Yeezy Slides?

- Party. - Yo, party time.

- Somebody got new kicks. We're having a party.

- Yeah. - We call it the kick it party.

- Mike woke up this morning. Party.

Mike is throwing another party for himself.

We had a party for you last week.

- Someone seems a little salty. - Exactly.

- Bro, like how many parties are we gonna do?

[all cheering]

all: ♪ Happy birthday ♪

Surprise!

- ♪ I wanna rock right now ♪

- Welcome! - Oh, [bleep].

- It's your premiere party!

- Happy Soberversary! [cars honking]

- It's a boy!

[grunts] - [screams]

- It's a boy! [all cheering]

First piece is cut, guys. all: Whoo!

- Yeah!

all: ♪ The blessification today ♪

- I just think he wants cake.

- It is a freedom celebration.

Also, Big Daddy Sitch was born on Independence Day.

- Yeah. - July th.

- So my birthday's next week.

But, you know, we need another party for Mike though.

- Yo, let's do it. - We never know.

I've been on "Jersey Shore"

for, like, years now and never had a party.

- You got new sunglasses. Let's have a party.

- For sure, yeah.

[upbeat music]

[laughter]

♪ ♪

- I think at this point, Sammi would get a party before me.

Danny from the Shore Store will get a party before me.

The Unit would get a party before me.

I think that my roommates are gonna throw

Kirk from "Floribama Shore"

a party before me.

- Celebration in Mike's honor tonight.

- Another one. - Oh, my God.

- [laughs]

- ♪ I believe in impossibilities ♪

♪ I brought the energy ♪

♪ Remember when I had nothing to lose ♪

♪ Remember saving up... ♪

- Oh, that's good produce.

- You guys know how to play chess?

- The queen does everything.

- The queen does everything. - King does [bleep].

- Yep. Typical.

[laughter]

- I gotta admit, Deena, you're a G.

- Thanks. - You really are a G.

- I will never cross you ever.

- Yeah, you scare me now, in a good way.

I was like, that guy's dead.

- Wait, no. Your Chris was like, he's dead.

- We gotta go, guys. Let's go.

- Harder! - What is that?

- No [bleep] given at all. That's his whole--

- No compassion. "He's dead. Let's keep it moving."

- I mean, that's scary that he's like that.

[both laugh]

- So, Ang, now that you guys broke the seal, how are things?

- You're gonna have breakfast with the girls.

- Yeah. - I'm thinking that Angeliners,

there may be some holes in her story.

They said that they smushed

when in fact they did not smush--

- I think you're totally onto something.

- We can get to the bottom of this.

- The truth shall reveal itself.

- Did you do it again? - No, we didn't do it again.

- You guys had two years of, like, pent-up tension.

- And I feel like after you break that seal,

you kind of wanna go again.

- Exactly. How was it? - You don't feel like that?

- No. - How do you feel after it?

- Are you guys not attracted to each other?

- I don't know.

- Not sure what that says about how strong their marriage is.

I mean... [laughs]

Like, that's crazy.

- But let's see how it is in the new house,

but I put it solely onto my--

- That's destination happiness. That's not gonna last.

When I buy that new house, I'll be happy.

When I go on that trip there--

- Well, that's what he thinks, but I'm just saying--

- It might-- and you might be happy

for, like, the day you move in,

but that's not a long-term fix--

- If you're not happy with-- like, internally.

both: Yeah.

- I put it all under my name just in--

like, you know, just...

- She's doing everything to prepare for a divorce.

I remember someone else that would put everything

in her name just in case.

It all came to an end.

- Yeah, so I'm just gonna see how it goes.

- Whoa, a little T-storm rolling up in here, man.

- There's definitely a T-storm rolling through.

[thunder rumbles] - Here we are.

- All right, it's time. It's time to go.

- Let's go.

- [sighs]

That would suck if it rains for Mike's party.

[chuckles]

- Got a T-storm rolling in here.

- I know, what?

- [screams]

- I'm not ready to wash my hair.

- We go outside?

- [laughs]

- Got my [bleep] slides on.

- Ah! [laughs]

- Yo, it is a monsoon.

- ♪ This is the sound of the pa-pa-pageantry ♪

- What is a "key," exactly?

- Like little islands. - Oh.

- There's a key out from Jamaica.

Like every Sunday, people take their boats out.

- I guess it's like the F-Cove.

- F-Cove is nasty.

Herpes-infested water, but it's fun.

- Well, then we all [bleep] had, you know, UTIs.

- Wow, we're just going there? - I've had a lot of them.

You know what I was always wondering?

Like, I just want to see clear water all over the world.

Like there's astronauts that [bleep] went on Mars.

So you're gonna tell me we can't make

a filtration system for the [bleep]...

- Just a big ocean. You know, you can't clean it.

- I mean, people--we did just [bleep] land on Mars.

I'm just saying. So if we could--

- We just did? - Yeah.

- What are you talking about?

- Didn't we just go to Mars for the first time?

[laughter]

I was watching the news,

and this girl, she was in a NASA suit,

and she's like, "I never, in a million years

thought that I was gonna be going to Mars."

Like--and I was like, "Wow."

Like, I wanna [bleep] go to Mars.

- They put a robot on Mars.

- No, they put an actual person on Mars.

- I don't think so.

- What if they were like,

"We found--we found aliens."

Would you--would you touch one?

- Would I touch one? - Wait, touch one?

- Not like-- not like grab down there.

- I never even thought of grabbing down there.

- Do they even have-- I don't even know.

- I don't know what Angelina is,

but she's definitely not a rocket scientist.

- Hi, babe. - Hi, my love.

- Missed you so much.

- Where's our husbands?

- How are you?

- The theme of tonight's party is a freedom party.

Can we do hot dogs, hamburgers, French fries?

I've been on some sort of supervision, okay?

It's called paper, okay?

It's called-- oh, you can--stop it.

You know?

- Oh, my God.

She knows about paper.

- Sissy, we made it.

We're in international waters.

Where are we, mama?

- We're in Florida. We made it, mama.

I wasn't even recording that.

[bleep].

sh**t. sh**t.

- All my [bleep] friends from Staten Island

are sending me this right now.

"Kim Kardashian is intrigued by Pete Davidson."

- Angelina, looks like you're not the Kim Kardashian

of Staten Island anymore.

- I know.

- Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson

look like Angelina and Vinny of Staten Island.

- All right, Kim Kardashian. You're more like

the Rob Kardashian of Staten Island,

you ugly [bleep]. - Shut the [bleep] up,

you [bleep] -year-old little [bleep].

- Oh, my gosh.

- I actually think he's a cool kid.

- Yeah, after that movie, you weren't totally impressed.

- Yeah, I remember that. - I should have had a cameo.

- "Why the [bleep] didn't they have me in here?"

- Great impression. - It's "SNL."

SNL. You wanna get on that.

- Every year, there's an audition.

- Let's see-- do an impression.

- Let's start with an easy one.

Robert de Niro.

Even Zack can do this one.

- [weakly] Are you talking to me?

- Oh, my God. - Come on.

- Terrible.

- Come on. Entertain us.

- I don't know what we're doing for dinner.

- [laughs]

- I heard, like, different things.

[laughter] - [bleep].

- That's it?

- I really had high hopes. I had such high hopes for you.

- Yeah. - See?

- Try somebody else.

- You guys are being hypocrites.

- Oh!

- Because, you know,

like, you're not playing along and you're being judgy.

[laughter]

Jenni, where we going for your wedding?

- I'm thinking like a castle.

Oh.

I gotta go.

[laughter]

- Angelina, did you have sex with Chris yet?

- Yeah, we did but it was, you know, it was--

yeah, we did. [laughter]

What else do you wanna [bleep] know?

- Did you enjoy it?

- Oh, did I enjoy it. I don't [bleep] know.

[laughter]

- It's like I wasn't even there.

Did he [bleep] got on top of me [bleep] with his [bleep]

and he [bleep] thing with the [bleep] and the thing.

And then [bleep] did it.

- Wait, is this Robert de Niro or Angelina?

- Yeah, I don't know who you're doing.

- Vinny, don't go on "SNL."

- Yeah. [laughter]

- Try somebody else.

- ♪ Right now, let's go ♪

- [sighs]

Well, we planned our water activities today.

- Looks like a T-storm's rolling through.

- I think it rolled through already.

Hold on, let me check my radar.

Oh, we're good. - We'll tell the girls.

- Yeah, let's tell 'em. - They'll be excited.

Yeah, I love activities this time of year.

So we've got like--like, Tiki bar boat, water sports.

- Oh, cool.

- And drink and stuff, a fully stocked bar,

and then we got some Jet Skis.

[upbeat music]

- This looks like animal kingdom.

We're in "Jurassic Park."

- Let's go to the beach bar, have some drinks.

- I want a drink. - Let's go.

- [gasps] Gigi, we're here.

Oh.

- I'm gonna be six years sober in a couple of weeks.

That right there is like a badge of honor.

- Have a shot then. - [bleep].

♪ ♪

- Gigi, we're here.

- Whoo! - We made it.

- We made it. - Here we go.

Oh, my God.

Gigi, look at all this stuff we can do.

Digging for shark teeth, sand castle building,

corky--cocoa pot-- I can't read.

[phone rings]

- Hello?

- Meatball?

- Meatball!

- Yes, it's happening.

I'm here and I'm in the lobby.

I don't know where to go.

I don't know where you guys are.

Like, I wanna really rage.

- Come to the beach bar. - Let's go, girl.

I'm ready for my pina colada. Let's go, b*tches.

- I see the girls!

- And Sissy.

- Hi, guys.

- Hey. all: Hi!

- My meatball has arrived.

Let's have a wine and let's party.

Let's get a drink.

- I love Florida.

- Come on, party's here. Let's go, girl.

- And Sissy loves going to Florida

so this is gonna be a good time.

Gigi.

Give me kiss. Giovanna!

She's trying to find the beach. That's what's happening.

Where's the beach?

- Right there. Where else would it be?

- Yeah, go get her before she gets arrested.

I'm a [bleep] good person.

- Guys, gather around.

- Guys, gather around. Mike's having a party.

- I have an announcement.

- Mike got new flip-flops. Let's have a party.

- I have an announcement.

After many long, long years under supervision,

Big Daddy Sitch is now off probation

and tonight is the official independence

BDS party, okay?

[cheers and applause]

- Congratulations! - Yeah!

Yeah, another Mike party.

[cheers and applause] Whoo! Yeah.

Hey guys, guys, my birthday's in three days.

- God, your birthday?

- Happy birthday, Vinny. - Happy birthday, Vinn.

- I'm a little salty 'cause everyone has pretty much

had a party for them at some point.

Like someone can fart and they'll throw a party for them.

Party for Mike!

[cheers and applause]

[crew cheering]

- Party for Jenni!

- Yeah! - Whoo!

[all cheering]

- Party for Vinny!

[seagull chirps]

We'll pass. - All right.

- [laughs] - It's settled.

- Aww. - All right, guys, no party,

but we're gonna go to the Jet Skis. Let's go.

- Yes. Let's go.

- Can we bring drinks like it's Vegas?

Yeah?

- ♪ Hot girl, hot dress, hot summer day ♪

♪ So hot make the competition run away ♪

- The girls are doing a Tiki bar.

It's like a little bar on the water.

- Oh, my God. This is like an actual bar.

- Oh!

- Nicole, look, it's a manatee. - Where?

- What the [bleep] is that?

- That looks like me in the morning.

- How cute. - Hi, manatee.

[all shouting]

- All right, I need to get this party started.

- Oh, my God, we're moving.

- Jet Skis! Jet Skis!

When you're on a Jet Ski, you're officially on vacation.

You're not on vacation until you're on a Jet Ski.

- This is the best day of my life.

- Jet Skis! Hoo-hoo!

- Go, boys! - Hi.

- Cool boat, babe. - Have fun.

- Chris, be careful.

Don't be a friggin' idiot on there.

- Let's go, b*tches.

- Where the [bleep] are the boys?

- Sail out to sea.

Welcome to the salt life, b*tch.

I wish we had a door so we can be like Jack and Rose.

Let's reenact "Titanic."

- Yeah, you're Jack.

- You're Jack, b*tch. I'm Rose.

I am a connoisseur on boats.

Whee!

Whee!

And I never go on a boat drinkless.

- The guys are coming.

- Let's go, baby.

[energetic music]

[indistinct shouting]

- Hold on 'cause all this [bleep] about to hit us.

[girls shouting]

- Jet Ski! Hoo-hoo!

[girls screaming]

- No!

- ♪ Furs, diamonds, girls ♪ - Whoo!

- ♪ Platinum, pearls, stocks ♪

- k*ll the engine. There's gators.

- There's crocodiles in the water?

- [bleep]. - Nah, I was kidding.

- We're in international waters, baby!

all: International waters!

Whoo!

- ♪ Money, homes, rows, clothes ♪

♪ Yachts, planes, speedboats ♪

♪ Watch, I want it all ♪

♪ ♪

- All right, b*tches. So what did I miss?

I missed two days. Download me now.

- Guess who had sex.

- Who had sex? - Ooh.

- This one. - No, you didn't.

- Yes, I did. - Angeliner had sex with Chris.

I wanna know the full sex story.

- Finally, after two years, he [bleep] initiated it.

Like, I think we should give him a medal.

- Well, what happened?

- It was a [bleep] and duck moment.

- I need a full detail.

- There's no detail, just [bleep] and duck, that's it.

- Oh, my God.

- [laughs] Deena.

- Help. [laughs]

I can't. I can't with this flag.

- Flag, can you stop attacking my meatball?

Thank you. [laughter]

- Deena. [laughs]

- Help! [screams]

[laughter]

- Deena, move.

- I'm alive. - What in the world?

- Yeah. - Only me.

[dramatic music]

- Rain, sleet, or shine, BDS is a free man.

- I'm looking at my radar right now.

- I have a feeling that this is just gonna just pass right by.

- No, my radar tells me different.

[thunder booms] It's a doozy, this one.

It would suck if it rained through your party.

Oh, man. I don't know what I would do.

[tense music]

- ♪ Every single day when the sun comes up ♪

♪ No exceptions, gotta show love ♪

- Goose fight!

- Oh, my God.

[all chattering, screaming]

♪ ♪

- It's a pelican.

- b*tches, I need get back to shore.

I'm literally gonna pee my pants.

Bring us back to shore!

Thanks for not k*lling us in the storm.

Oh, my God, I'm gonna pee my pants.

- You should've seen me, man. - I did.

- Jesus save me. Oh!

This what happens when you have three kids.

You have no bladder.

- All right, honey, we gotta get ready for your big party.

- Tell you what though, splits come in handy

on my Jet Ski, you know?

- I'm gonna have a fourth kid.

- Go over here, Nicole. Hurry up.

- I swear. Oh, my God.

- Party for Mike.

- I might even put on deodorant.

- There you go. - Thank you, babe.

- You're welcome.

- Ugh!

Oh, thank you, baby Jesus.

- Yes, hi, is this the front desk, please?

Yes, can you guys send a bar chair

out to the porch of The Situation's porch actually?

We're--we're getting haircuts.

- My wine, where you at, girl?

My wine isn't here.

Come on.

It's literally all I wanted this vacation.

So I was so excited

to come on vacation and drink with everybody.

I packed, like, bottles of wine.

- Front desk. - Hi, sir. This is Nicole.

I just checked in and my wine was supposed to deliver,

like, two days ago, so do you guys have it?

- Yeah. It just says Enrique picked it up.

- Who the [bleep] is Enrique?

You never take a meatball's wine.

Never, ever.

- We will find it and we will deliver it shortly.

- Oh, perfect. Okay. Thank you.

I'll--I'll be waiting for Enrique.

[sighs]

All right, where's Enrique? I really want my wine.

All right, come on, Enrique.

I'm waiting for you.

- ♪ Yo, ay, girl, tell me where you come from ♪

♪ Pretty face with a little summer tan ♪

♪ Me wonder if she from the Caribbean ♪

♪ Or did she touch down here... ♪

- Oh, God, no. Why outside my door?

- Enrique?

Thought I heard a knock.

- Thinks he's going to rodeo? "Lasso."

[groaning]

- [rolling tongue] Enrique!

- We should call the cops on him.

- [laughs]

- I swear I heard a knock.

Enrique.

Yeah, he's not here.

- Pauly D, what up?

- Godfather. Oh, what up, non-godfather.

[laughs]

I just called the front desk to bring out, like, a bar chair

so that we can get our cuts outside.

- Dude's on the way. - Yeah. All right. So...

- What's funny about whether it's a vacation,

a shore house, we always need a cut.

- Prison. - Oh, yes.

When I first walked into prison,

the first thing that I did was get a cut

and I don't-- I feel weird saying this,

but it made me feel better. - Oh, yeah.

- Guess what I was paying for the cuts?

- Can of tuna. - Can of mackerel. Yeah.

I wish I would be positive,

but I can't tell you how tough it was

when I was on probation.

I was never fully a free man.

Now that it is finally over,

it was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders

that I finally completed something

that a lot of the time, most don't.

Oh, what's up, my dude? How are you? Good to see you.

- Could I come in?

- Mama? - Where are you?

- I'm on the porch.

Hi.

- I dressed like I'm going out to the club.

- It's pouring out.

- I'm so annoyed because I had all my wine sent here.

And Enrique signed for it, and I can't find Enrique.

Enrique. Enrique.

Enrique!

- Who the [bleep] Enrique? - I think he stole my wine.

- I would steal your wine too.

There is nothing scarier than a meatball

trying to find a bottle of wine.

All right, I need alcohol and food.

[engine rumbling]

- Enrique!

- First day in-- in the yard was wild.

- Mm-hmm.

- 'Cause you don't know what to expect.

You know, you kinda get your guard up.

- Sizing up everybody and whatnot.

- Yeah, yeah. The main thing is like the chow line

and where you sitting for lunch and dinner.

- Wow.

- If nobody lets you sit down, like, that's taken...

- That's weird. - That's taken, it's a problem.

- Man. - Yeah.

But what happens is they're like, "You, over here."

- Yeah. - "You're sitting with us."

- You think that they would let this guy sit down with them?

- Who wouldn't? - I don't know.

- Yeah.

- You have to be careful when you go because

if you accept too many favors from the wrong guy

and then he comes back to you, let's just say,

and it was like, you know, time to give me a [bleep].

- Yeah.

- You're like, oh, [bleep]. I mean, like...

- [...] don't count in jail, huh?

- What is it they say? - [...] don't count in jail.

- Oh, oh. No, no, no, no.

- S his D--

- I done [bleep] up. I done [bleep] up.

- It's surreal listening to Mike talk about

his prison experience. It seems like a movie,

but it was actually his real life.

- People would come and try to give me gifts.

- Yeah.

- And I'll be like "No, I'm good. I'm good."

Because I knew they might be attached.

- Come with a price.

- They might come with a price, exactly.

♪ ♪

- Let's go see what Deena and Chris are doing.

[thunder booms]

- Better cover the food. - Yup.

- The storm may endanger

the state of my party for tonight.

Oh, hell no.

♪ ♪

I've been waiting eight long years for this.

- It looks like it's gonna storm.

- Damn.

♪ ♪

- I'm excited for tonight.

- Me too. - Feel like Mike

is gonna go above and beyond for this thing.

- What's up, my dude. How are you?

- Good to meet ya.

- It seems that the weather has taken

a change for the worse here.

- It does. But you know what?

I'm pretty waterproofed out here.

It's not my first rodeo. - Oh, damn. All right.

- We're gonna celebrate your independence for sure.

- The weather is not looking good right now.

Some see an obstacle.

I see an opportunity for an awesome fire show.

We got everything.

We got earth, wind, and fire,

and the BDS Independence Day Party.

[thunder booms]

[tense music]

- How can you take three hours to get ready?

- Because I'm Angelina, and that's--

- How come after the first hour,

you look exactly the same?

- Angelina's here with Chris.

- They look like they're good.

They seem like they actually get along.

- Getting real bougie. - No, no, no, no, no.

And nothing on me is [bleep] name brand,

you [bleep] stunad.

- I've never seen them be like that before and I was happy.

- We'll see tonight maybe. - Is this the Buckners'?

- You guys having sex?

- Are the Buckners home?

- We should [bleep] get drunk and chill.

I wanna be drunk for this party.

- [sniffles loudly]

- Ew. - You have a lot of allergies.

- I have bad allergies.

- You hawk up loogies. I can tell.

- Yo, I don't hawk loogies.

What I've been doing lately... [sniffling]

- Ew. - In the shower.

both: A snot rocket.

[laughter]

- I used to do snot rockets in people's foods.

- Ew. - Ew!

- I was like , years old.

- Yo, can I tell them the story about what I [bleep] did

to that guy's [bleep] garlic mash?

- I know. You gotta--you gotta hear what she did. Even worse.

- So I was the takeout girl.

We had some guy called up. He placed his order.

I put everything in the bag, even threw an extra [bleep]

pumpernickel bread for that [bleep].

- Wow. - Okay?

He asked for garlic mash, but over the phone,

I didn't hear the garlic,

so I put the regular mash in there, not knowing.

Comes back and he goes, "Excuse me."

He drops his bag. He's like,

"I asked you for [bleep] garlic mash.

"This is [bleep] regular mash.

I want some [bleep] garlic mash right [bleep] now."

So now I walk into the [bleep] back,

and I'm like, you know what?

[bleep] this piece of [bleep].

[bleep]. - [laughs]

- Went into the back, walked to the bathroom.

- Oh, my God.

- Went into the stall. I went...

[liquid sloshing]

- No, you didn't. No, you didn't.

- Like what the what?

- I went back to the kitchen. None of my coworkers knew.

Took the scooper, scooped the [bleep] garlic mash on top.

- No, you--no way. - That's crazy.

- Like nothing even [bleep] happened.

- I'm speechless.

- I peed in that [bleep] and I don't give a [bleep].

- I'm--I don't even know what to say.

- You guys are so sick.

- Well, well, well,

it would suck if it rained through your party.

Oh, man. I don't know what I would do.

- Did you try to put the maloik on me?

- I'm looking at my radar right now.

- I have a feeling that this is just gonna just pass right by.

- I think it already passed by.

- No, my radar tells me different.

Maybe this is God's way of saying like,

"Bro, you've had enough parties."

It's a doozy, this one.

Looks like it's heading right towards us.

Sucks. That sucks. I have my weather app.

That's us, the little blue dot,

and there's a little line of rainfall coming through.

This sucks. Party's rained out. [thunder rumbling]

- ♪ I can hear the sound of thunder ♪

- What are we gonna do?

- ♪ Hear the sound of rain ♪

- Is it raining again?

- I'm not standing outside in the rain.

- Rolling right through right at your party.

- No way. - Oh, what the hell?

- This party's never gonna happen.

- Wah, wah, wah.

- Poor Mike. - It's gonna be quick.

It's gonna go right past us.

- Nah, that's a couple hours.

Wouldn't miss another party for Mike.

- That is not a couple of hours.

- Yeah, I know what we're gonna do.

Another party for Mike. - This guy is salty, man.

- What do you say we just cancel it?

- Oh, my God.

- This sucks.

- ♪ Of thunder ♪

- Let freedom ring.

[cheers and applause]

- What the [bleep] is happening to me right now?

- Hold on till we move the [indistinct].

- Cheers to our boat mansion. - Yes.

- Whoo! - Boats and h*s.

- The Knife!

[cheers and applause]

- I'm the best party planner ever!

[all shouting]