06x02 - Sliding Into DMs

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Situation... - Oh!

- BDS is a corn star.

- I wanted to officially invite you to South Carolina

to compete in the American Cornhole League

Super Bowl championship.

- Oh, my God.

- Angelina wants James Buckner.

- She wants to bang Chris's brother.

- No! - She's a brother f*ck!

- No! - f*ck Buckner?

- I'm a brother f*ck but not a Buckner f*ck.

- No!

- If you came to party, make some noise one time!

[together] We're pregnant!

[all cheering]

- ♪ Get crazy, get wild ♪

♪ Let's party, get loud ♪ - Yeah, buddy!

- ♪ If you wanna have fun ♪ - Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- ♪ If you wanna have fun, then do something crazy ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[together] We're pregnant!

- I knew it! - We got a situation!

[upbeat pop music]

- Deena! - Yo!

She's peeing out the door. I can't.

- I'm a little intoxicated. I'm not gonna lie.

- "We have an amazing announcement.

"We're a growing family.

Baby on the way."

My wife I was very reluctant to release this news.

- I really love having it secret for a little bit.

[together] We're pregnant!

- It is not my fault

I'm horrible at keeping secrets.

We did it. I love you.

Get home. Get the baby home.

Go see the other baby.

I love you. - I know.

- Love you, honey.

♪ ♪

- I'm very excited about it actually.

- I know. - Oh, thank you, D.

Mike is in this cornhole tournament.

- I just got a call from ESPN. - What the f*ck?

- And they invited BDS to the championships

in South Carolina.

- So he's gonna need cheerleaders.

Let's be his cheerleaders.

[together] sh**t three.

Mike, we want to win.

Get your sack in the hole.

- What the f*ck?

- I'm a little worried

because it's literally days away,

and we have to practice.

Ready?

[together] OK.

- sh**t three. - sh**t--

- b*tch.

Ready? - No.

[together] OK.

sh**t three. Mike, we want to win.

Get your sack in the hole.

- What is happening right now?

- I never thought I would be cheerleading about sacks.

- Attack the sack!

- Yeah, it's just not where I really saw my life going.

- Wait, what sack, though?

- Those are the friggin' things.

- The corn sack, Ange.

- All right, I'm going to drink more.

- Whoo!

♪ ♪

- What?

- There's a ratchet hoe flicking me off

for no f*cking apparent reason.

I don't know who this person is.

- This girl clearly has a problem with Angelina.

I'm not having you flip off me and my roommates.

- I'm like, "Ooh!"

- You can stay.

Get your f*cking a*s beat. - OK.

- You can stay and get your f*cking a*s beat.

- All right.

- She has Angelina's

cell phone number and address.

I got to pull out of this conversation.

b*tch is crazy.

- She has your name and your old address.

- Who cares?

- All right, I tried.

I guess this is all very normal for her.

- My energy is not gonna be touched

or tarnished by, like, people that are, like, under my shoe.

And we're talking about, like, the shoe

that's been sitting there for years.

Like, those are the type of shoes,

like, I have to throw out because they're, like--

the soles are f*cked up on them.

And, like, that girl's underneath that.

♪ ♪

- The show was amazing.

Like, it was a dope pool party to begin with,

but to get such great news during my set,

probably one of the best pool parties ever.

Hands up one more time for Pauly D!

Seriously, I love you! Thanks for coming out!

♪ ♪

- Let's go.

♪ ♪

My feet hurt.

- When you're just having so much fun,

why make the party stop?

My house is minutes from here.

Let's friggin' do an after party.

- I'll go in the back.

- Babe, can you f*cking take my shoes off?

- I'm ordering pizza, b*tches.

Buffalo chicken pizzas. Pepperoni pie.

One plain pie. Two manja-margaritas.

One Sicilian.

Fingers, mozzarella sticks, and French fries.

Anything to drink?

- 'Quila.

- Um, diet soda.

Welcome to my casa.

- Help me out. - Sorry, D.

I'm running in.

- I am f*cking wrecked.

- Somebody told me there was an after party over here.

I can't believe Mike's pregnant.

I just thought he was hungry. [doorbell rings]

- Hi, thank you so much.

- Yeah, I think so.

I think I got it.

- Oh, my God. b*tch is crazy.

- Can you help me? - What do you want?

- Do a charcuterie board.

- We don't need a f*cking board.

Like, it's like your life.

- Girl, this is what you do when you entertain people.

- Wait. Where's the spread?

- That's it.

[eerie music]

- Everything's in bags.

She doesn't even have a charcuterie board.

- Let me get that pizza, daddy.

- Let me have a little charcuterie.

- Nicole, you want a little Sicilian

and then maybe some pizza?

- [chuckles] - Oh, my God, this is good.

- Mike's having pregnancy cravings.

- Yeah, I'm high on life right now, guys.

- Wow, my man Situation,

his new nickname is the Ovulation.

- [laughs] - Ew.

- Living my best life.

You can continue to get chlamydia every weekend.

[laughter]

- That was one time, and he took a pill for it.

- Yeah, that was a mic drop right there.

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

- Mike, you can play cornhole when you're pregnant?

- I'm in the first trimester, so I might be able to do it.

- [laughs] - Do you have to practice?

- Yes. I'm gonna go get the boards.

It's super important to get my training in

for the upcoming tournament... - BDS.

- Because practice makes perfect.

Release.

[buzzer blares]

Release. [buzzer rings]

I'm taking this really seriously.

Like, this is a big deal.

- Jenni's dead over there. - Oh, she's done.

- All right, Mike. Too much tricep.

I'm Mike's trainer for this cornhole tournament.

[bell rings] - Oh!

- If Mike doesn't get his a*s into shape,

he's not gonna be able to keep up.

- I thought you brought me home.

- She's nuts. - Yeah, you're home.

Go upstairs and shower. - Hello, ma'am.

- She's dead.

♪ ♪

- That's game. [bell rings]

- Oh! - Whoa!

- You feel me?! - You're an athlete.

- It got stuffed in my hole!

- Like, there's no way that happens.

- Who won?

- It was a tie.

- How good is Mike, though? Is he ready?

[crickets chirping]

- Mike, can you take me home?

- Yes. - Ready to roll out?

- Yes, sir.

- Mike, should you be driving if you're pregnant?

- I'll see you guys in South Carolina.

- What a fun night.

♪ ♪

- I hope that-- that Mike wins.

And I hope that--

- If he doesn't win when we're dressed up

as selfish f*cking cheerleaders,

I'm gonna be so pissed. - Bro, can I have

the roster of the f*cking dicks that are coming?

- Why do you want the roster?

- Because I want to f*cking sabotage these people.

I want to make them look at my t*tties

instead of looking at the ball--

at the sack. - Mm-hmm.

- What's one of their names? - Jay Cutler.

[triumphant music]

♪ ♪

- Does he have an Instagram? He does.

Cornhole! Wait, we can watch him.

Wait.

- Jay Cutler hits it!

- Yo, Jay Cutler got it in the first try.

- Oh, no, Mike.

- Oh, Lord have mercy on your soul.

Oh, no. This is not good.

- Oh, he's good.

Oh, no, he might be f*cked.

- My intentions are for Mike to win this sh*t,

so I'm gonna do whatever it takes.

- [gasps] Angelina.

- I'm actually really good at getting in guys' heads,

for real.

- Say, "Hey, are you going to the sack tournament?"

- [chuckles] This is a strategy here.

- "Hey, are you going to the cornhole--"

You put "tourment." Tournament.

Dear God. - Oh, Lordy, Lord.

Have mercy on me.

- It's all about concentration at this thing.

I can throw anybody off their game.

- Sent. - The trap is set.

Jay Cutler, I put that f*cking cheese

in the trap, and I'm waiting.

Jay Cutler may be really good at cornhole,

but nobody could resist me.

- Let's not say anything.

- All right, don't say sh*t please.

I can't. - We're fine.

- We're amazing.

- This is why I don't DM.

- f*ck. [laughs]

- I'm very happy that the boys are here,

and I can get my beauty rest away from the girls

and those meatball problems.

- Welcome! - What the hell?

- She went to American Cornball League

and hit everybody up. - Angelina, what are you doing?

- [laughs] - You're DMing the whole ACL.

This is messy, Ang. - How is it messy?

- Come on.

[upbeat music]

[phone rings]

- Yo? - I am on my way.

I'm training you for this cornhole thing,

and today, we're having an intense session.

Are you ready for the big day?

Put these on and don't ask any questions.

- OK.

[energetic music]

♪ ♪

- Nice. Let's go, champ.

I don't know if this reminds you of anything,

any kind of famous movie.

- "Rocky"? - That's it, champ.

It's not about how hard you hit.

It's about how you get hit and keep moving forward.

We're gonna train like Rocky.

we're gonna do exactly what Rocky did.

- Where are we going? - Oh, you're gonna see.

- Rocky's a super hero idol for Italians.

- Let's go. - I didn't hear no bell.

- So count me in.

All right, let's get it.

♪ ♪

- Come out this way. - I'm not stretched.

- We're gonna stretch when we get in.

- I'm meeting the girls at CJA where Giovanna cheers.

That's her cheer gym.

- It's like you're going to practice.

- I'm going to teach them the cheers.

We'll figure out a routine for Mike

in the cornhole tournament.

- Hello. - You made it.

- I'm going to lay down.

I don't want to f*cking do cheer.

- How you feeling?

- I hate cheerleaders. I'm just gonna say it.

- Let's see if you could do a cartwheel first.

- That was great! - You did it!

- I did?

- [laughs] I'm gonna pee my pants.

- I just hurt myself.

- These girls have a lot of work to do today.

- Where's Angelina?

- By time Angelina gets here,

I'm gonna have a body part flying off.

- We're driving south into Philadelphia.

Are we gonna be running up Rocky's steps?

- You are correct. - Damn, all right.

- It worked out for Rocky, so it has to work out for you.

- Probably could get some good cheesesteaks out here, kid.

[romantic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- All right. All right, we're doing it.

So I'm going to say, "ready." Everyone says, "OK."

And then we start the cheer.

Ready?

OK.

Ready, OK.

- Oh, OK.

[together] Ready?

- I say, "ready." You say, "OK."

- I don't know!

Where is Angelina?

- [humming melody]

- [sighs]

Is this it?

- Oh, hello. - Hi.

- It's about damn time.

- Guys, I'm a mess.

I'm not a cheerleader girl.

Back in the day when I was in high school,

I was too busy cutting school, jumping in pools,

watching "Jerry Springer" and sh*t.

- Can I just flash the guys with nipple pasties?

- No. - Thank you.

Please just do that, and save us all.

- We are doing a cheer for Mike.

- I'll put nipple pasties on, and then...

- OK, let's get it together, women.

- I'll make them think that I'm really flashing them.

- I mean, I would be here for that.

- My main focus is just helping Mike

distract these boys from winning.

I'm just gonna flash these guys.

I'm out. That is my "expertay."

Is that how you say it? "Expertee"? "Expertee."

That's my "expertee" in this whole thing.

- One more time. - I'd rather show a tit.

- Do you believe in the collective consciousness?

- And now deep thoughts by Mike Sorentino.

- We are all infinite beings,

sharing the human experience.

- We are floating on a rock.

- Yeah, that's what they want you to think though.

Some people think that we are also flat-earthers.

- Are you saying that the Earth is flat?

- Possibly. - Wow, Mike is a flat-earther.

I think Mike isn't getting enough oxygen to his brain.

- What about the curve?

- The fisheye lens that makes it look like it's curved?

- And how come you don't hit a wall?

- Because they don't allow you to travel past Antarctica

or else they'll k*ll you. - Oh, OK.

And then how come all the other planets are round,

and then Earth is the only flat one?

- Uh, there's also a possibility

that other planets are flat as well.

Some know it. Some don't.

- This is our formation. This is how it's gonna look.

- What the f*ck is a formation?

- How we're lined up. - I don't know cheer code.

- Jenni's like, "What the f*ck is a formation?"

- Do you know what a formation is?

- Yes. - Oh.

- The girls have no idea what counts are.

We're gonna be on ESPN.

We can't look like idiots.

Toss your sack.

- You like that one.

[together] Come on, Mike, attack.

- Say the words.

[together] Toss your sack.

- These girls expect me to, like, remember a cheer.

- Wait, what was that? - Attack the sack.

- Not one cheer but, like, five.

We want you to win? - No.

No, "you."

[together] We want to win.

Get your sack in the hole.

- If I remember dickhole,

I'll remember that whole thing...

- Angelina. - That whole sentence.

- There are ladies over there. - d*ck, dickhole.

Like, get your sack in the hole.

- I would just think a regular hole

and not a dickhole. - No, I won't remember it then.

I'll remember d*ck.

♪ ♪

- All right, here we are, sir.

[energetic pop music]

I've never been here in Philly to the "Rocky" steps,

but they really look never ending,

and I'm not even sure I can complete it.

[music slows to a halt]

I'm thinking about cheesesteaks.

The bread, fresh.

The meat, juicy.

The toppings, fire.

The cheese, whew!

[romantic orchesetral music]

- All right, let's stretch out first.

Ooh. Feel that crack.

Some heel touches.

Some jumping jacks.

All right, let's go. Come on, champ.

One, two, hit it. Bob.

Ugh.

- Ready?

[together] OK.

A-T-T-A-C-K. Attack the sack.

I was worried a little bit,

but now everybody's doing great.

[together] Get your sack in the hole.

- Oh, my God. We are cheerleaders.

- Oh, my God. - Attack the sack!

- Whoo!

- Don't look at that. Don't learn from her.

- [laughs]

- All right, could we go?

- Do you think we can get cheesesteaks?

- Bro, we're not talking about cheesesteaks right now.

Listen, salvation is up at the top.

[dramatic hip-hop music]

This is all you need right here.

OK, champ?

- These "Rocky" steps look very intimidating.

♪ ♪

But I'm envisioning victory as we speak.

- All right, let's go. - All right.

♪ ♪

I'm having trouble breathing.

- There's no quitting here. I am Mick.

I am here to push Rocky through all the hard times,

and I'm going to push Mike to finish the "Rocky" steps.

Come on, corn star. Come on.

Come on, champ. - I got this, Mick.

- Come on, you got this, champ. You got this, Sly.

- I'm getting tired.

Think I pulled something.

- And then I hear Rocky tell me,

"I didn't hear no bell."

And I'm like, "All right. It's happening."

♪ ♪

- Come on. Come on.

Find that hole.

You got this corn star.

♪ ♪

[together] sh**t three, Mike.

We want to win.

Get your sack in the hole.

- Nope, you're donuts. - I'm sorry.

- Hey. - Ow.

- Ready?

[together] OK.

- Find that hole. Come on, find that stroke.

[together] , , Mike.

We want to win.

- Try and get your elbows together.

- My t*ts are in the way. - OK, go.

- Find that stroke. Find the hole.

Find the hole. Whoo!

- We did it.

- Find the stroke.

- Lauren! Lauren!

- I'm embarrassed. I want to go home.

- One, two, three. Team Sitch.

- Team--one, two--

[together] One, two, three.

Team Sitch!

♪ ♪

- Now cheesesteaks on the way home.

- All right, man.

[upbeat music]

- Find the hole. Find the hole.

Whoo!

- We did it.

- Now that Mike ran the Rocky steps,

I think he earned himself a cheesesteak.

♪ ♪

- Whoa, look at this place.

- Yo, Geno's looks fire.

♪ ♪

This looks like a happening spot over here.

Let me get two pepper cheesesteaks to go.

Wow, thank you.

Wow, this is amazing.

Yo, I'm telling you, man.

You're going to thank me later. Wow.

- Look at this thing. - Look at this sandwich, kid.

- I like the peppers on this one, though.

[elegant orchestral music]

Damn.

♪ ♪

That's good. - That's good.

- Today was awesome.

My work here is done, and now we can head back home.

- Where to find the best Philly cheesesteaks in Philly?

- What?

Bro, we just-- we just got cheesesteaks.

- I mean, listen.

We didn't come this far just to come this far.

I wrap it up. Bing bam boom.

We have arrived, my brother.

Oh, my goodness.

Wow, kid.

- Oh, wow. - Wow.

Good bread too. - Juicy.

- Amazing. - You cleaned house there, bro.

- Hell yeah. [grunts]

- All right, thank you.

- [gasps] I'm having trouble breathing.

♪ ♪

- Honey.

All right, I'm ready.

I'm already packed, honey. - Oh, my God.

You packed yourself? - I did.

- Honey, you have to help mommy pack.

Remember the cheer that I was practicing?

I'm gonna do it on TV.

- Babe's gonna cheer at a cornhole competition.

- Stop it. I already have anxiety.

- Peanut, I got a little problem.

I don't remember the cheer.

Something about a d*ck in a sack.

- sh**t three, Mike. We want to win.

Get your sack in the hole.

- Meilani, do you remember this cheer?

Two, three, Mike. We want to win.

- Get the sack in the hole. - She does it better.

- You taught a -year-old that. [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Thank you, sir. - Thank you, man.

Have a good day.

♪ ♪

- My goal was to come out to North Carolina a little early

to center myself and focus.

I have a competition and tournament to win.

We're in the Carolinas. It's happening.

♪ ♪

- Vinny and Pauly arrive in four hours,

and the girls come in tomorrow.

This is the first family trip

since sh*t hit the fan over in San Diego.

- What are you doing?

[all screaming] - Oh, sh*t!

- Oh, damn! - No!

- Oh-- - Oh, my God.

- [screaming]

- That's why I came early.

I need to be on my A game, no distractions.

I'm an athlete. Let's go!

♪ ♪

Damn.

They set your boy, BDS, up right.

This is what it's like to be an athlete, baby.

And this house is dope.

Not too shabby. Not too shabby.

Damn, they set your boy up right.

The ACL set up BDS like the athlete that I am.

Look at the view out here. Wow.

This is how champions live, baby!

We did it.

♪ ♪

[car horn honks]

- Uber for Pauly D.

- Get in, loser. We're playing cornhole.

- What's up, chooch?

- We're going to the lake.

- Let's do it.

- I thought we were gonna fly there with him,

but he is focused, and he said he's

going through his own process.

- He must be practicing right now then.

- Just trying the local cuisine here.

I had to come early for this.

- Requires him to prepare... - OK.

- And do whatever the f*ck he's doing.

- This right here...

this is the life of a pro athlete.

♪ ♪

- Some next level sh*t.

- Oh. OK.

- [snoring]

- I didn't know Mike could play when he's pregnant.

[tranquil harp music]

- I am an athlete.

Let me get that pizza, daddy.

I am one with the universe.

The wine here's good.

BDS, cornhole world champion.

- Mike the Situation is here.

- It's on. It is game time, baby.

It's time to throw some corn. I have to get my boards.

Might be able to set the boards up right here.

It is super important that BDS

has an amazing showing at the ACL world championships.

This is my victory stance. You feel me?

I want to flex my athletic muscles for a charity

and be a corn star.

This grass is really nice.

We'll just put one right here.

I'm taking this really seriously.

We got to do nothing but win.

We step to the left, step to the line.

Release.

That's good.

Four on the board, corn on the cob.

- I think this is it right here.

- Oh, sh*t.

That's a beautiful house.

- Seems a little quiet. Where is the guy?

- Do my secret move.

Grab my corn.

Get in business.

Too much.

- Mike, it's me and Vinny.

Mike. - Yo.

- Yo. - What do you think, man?

- Yo, this is sick.

- This is a nice place. - Come on down.

You want to have a match real quick?

- Yeah.

- Mike, pretend he's one of the players

you're gonna play against tomorrow.

[dramatic music]

- Ooh. - Playing to ?

♪ ♪

- Damn.

Nope. [buzzer blares]

- There it is. - Oh.

- Ooh. m*therf*cker.

- Oh. - There we go.

- Vinny might be better than Mike.

- Let's go! - [laughs]

- -. - Ooh!

- Wow. - And the .

[buzzer blares]

Ugh.

- You're still in this. - [laughs]

- Come on. - Man can't even get board.

- Could be the wind.

- Am I gonna win right now? Point game.

- Mike's sweating.

♪ ♪

- Let's go!

- This is so embarrassing.

I'm going to have to recenter myself,

reevaluate my game.

I'm very happy that the boys are here

and the girls are not.

- [barking]

- I can get my beauty rest away from the girls

and those meatball problems.

♪ ♪

- Hey, we're almost boarding soon.

You ready? - Yes.

Nobody knows that Nicole and I

are arriving in Lake Norman, North Carolina tonight.

The girls are supposed to take the early morning flight

tomorrow morning to North Carolina,

but Nicole and I don't like early morning flights.

We're not morning people because I sure as f*ck--

I'm not.

I'm a later daytime, nighttime b*tch.

- Good afternoon. This is your captain.

We're happy to welcome you onboard today.

♪ ♪

[upbeat pop music]

- How's that water? - The water is degrees.

- Wow. - We got our own boats here.

- What does the duck do?

- You get pulled around in the duck

With the boat, I believe. - Oh, damn.

- Let's go. - [laughs]

- How can you not be happy on a duck?

[laughs]

- I'm about to go into a very large tournament of champions.

How fast does it go?

And I'm a big believer in, you know,

the zodiac and the energies of the universe,

so being out on the lake right now,

it's really helping to center myself.

- Oh, sh*t. - You better hold on, my guy.

- I don't know how to-- - Oh, sh*t!

- Oh, sh*t.

Steer! Steer!

Steer! [screaming]

- Oh, sh*t.

- You look at this little cute little duck.

You put it in the hot tub.

No, this is a rager.

[all screaming]

- We're gonna tip.

[all screaming]

- He's gonna tip us. He's gonna tip us.

Look at Vinny. - No!

- Oh!

- sh*t. My glasses!

No! No!

My glasses!

- We need a scuba diver. - Oh, my goodness.

I can't feel my latissimus dorsimus.

Being out on the lake is supposed to calm my nerves,

but this is definitely not working.

I got no strength left.

- My man's got to do cornhole tomorrow, man.

- Oh, my goodness.

[upbeat pop music]

- Yay. - We made it.

- MVP is already there at the house.

They have no idea that me and Angelina

are going to basically crash the house tonight.

Oh, and there's mine.

Like, I wanted to get there as soon as possible

and plan, like, all this cheer stuff.

We have to practice somehow.

Oof. - Damn, girl.

Muscles marinara.

- What do you guys say about getting some dinner?

Get changed, showered up. - I'm down with that.

♪ ♪

- All right, I'm ready. - Chooch!

We're leaving!

This dude got the least amount of hair,

takes the longest to get ready. You do the math.

Look at this guy. - Yeah.

- You've been doing the polos lately.

- I have been.

- Ever since Mike became a dad,

he's been dressing more and more

like he works at Best Buy.

Maybe you can help me, like, get me some TVs for my house.

- [laughs]

- Meanwhile, you have the same colors and the same--

- Yeah, but mine's swaggy. Yours is daddy.

- Thanks.

Well, I'm a dad that's doing big dad things.

OK?

I'm slanging the corn this week.

- I don't know how he's going to focus

because he has to park all those cars

because he looks like a valet guy.

[laughter]

- Strippers don't even wear any clothes.

He has no right to give me any style advice right now.

I'm surprised that you're not wearing all gray,

like your personality.

- So you going to pull up the car?

We gotta go to dinner. - Toss him the keys.

- Let's go. - MVP is gonna go to dinner.

We're going to have a chill evening

before the girls get here.

When you get the girls involved,

there's, like, screaming.

- Get that f*cking finger out of my f*cking face.

- There's people being drunk and acting crazy.

- [screaming]

- Give me that titty, b*tch.

[laughter]

- So I love a nice MVP dinner.

- Think the boys are going to be at the house?

- They don't even know we're coming.

What if they, like, set up this whole, like, boys night,

and then we ruin it when we walk in?

- What happens when you get nothing but hole?

What is it called? - Glory hole.

[laughs] I get it.

- I love my sisters, but they definitely

bring a different vibe to the situation.

So it's really good to just have a dinner with the boys.

- Where are we? - We're in Carolinas, b*tch.

- We're not in Kansas anymore.

Oh, my God. - What?

- I didn't actually think he was going to respond.

- Who? - Jay Cutler.

- [gasps] - He just wrote back.

- Stop.

I'm kind of worried because I think

Mike is gonna be pissed.

- This is messy, Ang. - How is it messy?

- Come on.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Where are we?

- We're in Carolinas, b*tch. - We're not in Kansas anymore.

- We're in the Carolinas. We're surprising Mike.

- This is actually so crazy and ridiculous that we're here

for a cornhole tournament.

This is not real life, is it?

Whoa. - Oh, sh*t.

I'll take it.

Not bad, ACL. - Not bad, cornhole.

- This is legit.

I like how we're classing it up,

like, with our houses.

We're not living in, like, sh*t holes.

We're actually, like, people.

I don't know why, but I always, like, picture us

staying at disgusting places...

Hello?

Just because I still think of, like, the seaside house.

[trash bags crackle] - Oh.

- Oh! - Ew!

- Whoa! - Disgust--

- Ugh! - [laughs]

- Gross.

[all screaming]

It smelled like regret, sex, and alcohol.

- Oh, wow. - Welcome.

- Hello? - How nice.

This is actually, like, a beautiful friggin' house.

Hello? Boys?

Where the hell are the boys?

- MVP!

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

- Wow. - I'm embarrassed.

- Wow. - Tenders.

- I'm embarrassed. - Wow.

Who ordered all the food?

- I'm embarrassed. - Quesadilla.

- I'm embarrassed. - Why did you order so much?

- Ooh, is that a f*cking lake? both: Oh, sh*t.

- Sitting on top of it.

- [gasps] I'm gonna drown myself.

Wait. Where are we?

Honestly, I have no idea where we are.

North Carolina, South Carolina.

All I know is we're in the Carolinas,

and I'm going to turn up in this b*tch.

[together] Hello, Carolina.

- There's definitely a monster in there.

♪ ♪

- That man's getting cornhole ready.

- I don't know exactly how big of event I'm walking into,

but normally I don't get nervous for crowds.

- This is how I do it.

If you get scared in front of crowds and so many people,

just picture everybody naked. - [laughs]

- I do the same thing, except I picture myself naked.

Wait. I am naked.

[phone whistles]

- Oh, my God.

- What?

- I didn't actually think he was gonna respond.

- Who? - Jay Cutler.

- [gasps]

- You told me to f*cking DM him, right?

- b*tch.

Say, "Hey, are you going to the--"

- The f*cking--

- "The sack tournament?" - [chuckles]

- Wait. What'd you say again?

- "Hey, are you going to the cornhole tournament?

"I think you might be going against Mike the Situation,

laugh out loud." - Oh, my God.

- He just wrote back. - Stop.

- I'm focused on, like, what I'm doing, like, right here.

- Oh, my God, Nicole. He's typing.

He's typing. Oh, my God.

- What? - "Sorry, Mike.

Quick exit for him."

- What a dickhole.

- Yo, that's fighting words.

- What if he's trying to strategize,

so then we tell Mike what he's saying to try

and get Mike all in his head?

- I don't usually focus on--

- All you see is the finish line.

- Yeah, I don't focus on what's going on around me usually.

- You think he plays a long time, or no?

- Cutler? - Yeah.

- I don't know. - He's an athlete.

- Mike's an athlete.

- How?

- I'm obviously going to win.

Positive vibes only.

- Mike's not only going up against him.

There's, like, seven other teams.

- I forgot to tell you one more thing.

- Oh, my God.

- So I went on Twitter, and I followed

every person that's playing.

All guys started following me back.

So I started private messaging them.

- Oh, my God.

So you're trying to bang all these guys?

- No, I'm just trying to help Mike.

- I'm going to speak it into existence.

- You're going to win.

- You came to defend your title.

You came here to win. - Exactly.

- Right now, I feel really good.

I have my head on straight.

It's time to become the athlete that I am.

Winning is going to be happening.

I'm the best. I'm a corn star.

- We got to tell Mike.

♪ ♪

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

- This is the best day of my life.

- This looks amazing.

This was the right decision to get this.

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

- Wow.

Vinny, you're missing out, kid.

You can tell this is good.

Damn.

- Oh, my God. So good.

- If I had that, my a*s would jiggle for a week.

- What a chooch. - Oh, God.

I want some % cacao.

- Why don't you take your cacao and shove it up your a*s?

[laughter]

That was good.

- Yeah, this food was really good.

- Yep, let's go.

♪ ♪

- Think I ordered too much food.

- We always do that.

- I went on Twitter, and I followed

the ACL official Twitter account,

and I followed every person that's playing.

I'm gonna follow this person. I'm gonna follow that person.

I'm gonna follow that person.

Oh, my God, this guy's blowing my sh*t up.

- Followed all of them?

Girl, that's, like, a lot.

Like, what are you doing? Why?

Who's Jeremy Schermerhorn? - [laughs]

- And I'm kind of worried because I think

Mike is gonna be pissed.

Professional cornhole player.

Wait, is he playing against f*cking professionals?

- It's on ESPN.

My full-on intention is to help Mike

in every which way I can, right?

So DMing these guys and getting in their heads,

strategy-wise it makes perfect sense

because you always want to distract your opponent.

I'm, like, really good at this.

So I will be the distractee--distracter,

and, you know, that's my strategy.

- What is happening?

I did not message anyone. - Listen.

- I do not condone this. - Listen.

If anything, I found out stuff.

- Oh, my God. What is this?

- Listen, boys. It was a great day.

I think the only thing left is--

is to get some beauty rest.

- Yes, sir, rest up. - Yeah, yeah.

- Beauty sleep for the big tournament.

- Yeah.

- Is that all you messaged? - I don't know.

- I'm scared to look at any more private messages.

[burps]

I love Ang. Her heart is there.

But, like, messaging the whole league?

- Should we tell Mike? - Yes.

♪ ♪

- What if Mike just laughs it off?

Like, "Whatever. I don't care."

- Well, as long as we told him. - All right.

- He might k*ll you.

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

- [gags] Oh, God.

It's tequiler.

- What are these luggages? - Uh-oh.

I hear girls.

Hello? - [gasps]

- Hello? Who's here?

- There's an empty wine bottle.

- Now, I know I didn't have any wine.

Mike didn't have no wine. Vinny didn't have no wine.

This only means one thing.

- Welcome! - What the hell?

- We're home. - What's up, guys?

- We just took over your house, Mike, sorry.

- Thought you guys were coming tomorrow.

- Where were you guys?

We've been waiting for literally, like, four hours.

- What's up, gorgeous?

- What do you guys think?

- It's gorgeous. - Right?

- Are you rich? - No, I'm an athlete.

These guys have all won prior tournaments,

so I got to bring my A game.

- Did you ever play against Jay Cutler?

- No. No, I never met him.

- f*ck it.

I'm gonna tell Mike right now.

- What?

What?

Nicole really has freaked me out a little bit.

Like, oh, he's gonna get mad.

He was a quarterback, right?

- Was a quarterback, yes.

- But all in all, if I know Mike

the way I know Mike, he'll be like,

"Thank you for, like, thinking about me."

- He is in the tournament.

I don't face him first.

But--

- He's gonna actually think to himself,

like, "How the f*ck did I not think of this?"

- Something weird's going on over here.

- Yeah, why? What's happening?

- I don't know.

- You want me to do it?

- You can tell they have something to tell me.

I'm worried. - It's not bad.

- Oh, my God.

- What happened?

- Something weird's going on over here.

- Stop.

f*ck, man.

- Angelina looks a little bit uneasy right now.

I mean, Angelina's always a hot mess

and, like, is always keeping secrets,

but, like, something is off.

- It's not bad. - What happened?

- All right, so she might have DMed Jay Cutler.

- Might have? I did do it.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

- What'd you say? - Come on.

- Just like, "Hey, are you going to be at the tournament?"

- Yeah, it's a strategy for you.

Good intentions, no malicious.

Like, just trying to help you.

- Tell me what you said in this DM

and what he said to you.

- She just said, "Hey, I think you might be going

against Mike the Situation."

"Sorry, Mike.

Quick exit for him."

- What the hell? - Ooh.

- He already started talking sh*t.

So Angelina said, "Ha ha ha."

She goes, "I think Mike's been practicing, actually."

"It doesn't matter. I'm better than him."

- Wow.

I don't appreciate

Angeliner's DMing Jay Cutler.

- But don't you think it's better that you know before--

- You're spinning him up. - No.

This is throwing me off my game a little bit,

knowing that one of the other competitors is talking trash.

This is technically sort of a distraction

that I kind of didn't need.

Now I know this person is talking sh*t to you.

It gets in your head a little bit.

- I'm helping him here. How does he not see this?

They love you.

This guy loves you because of me.

- And which guy is that? - What the f*ck?

- Wait, so there's more than Jay Cutler?

- Just say what you did.

- So I went on the ACL Twitter,

and I saw who they were following,

and I literally, like, started following

whoever they were following,

and then all the guys started following me back.

- She went to American Cornball League

and hit everybody up. - Angelina, what are you doing?

- Wait. Let's see the DMs.

"Hey, you coming to NC Friday?"

"I'm here now. What's up?"

- [screams] Oh, my God.

- "We just won the USA Cornhole men's doubles national title."

[laughter]

"I could even introduce you to everyone."

She said, "See you Friday," with a smiley face.

- How long's this competition? - He's flirting.

He goes, "You any good? LOL."

[laughter]

- Stop, I'm gonna pee. - [laughs]

- Who's going to score more during this tournament?

Mike or Angelina?

"If you want to meet up after, just let me know.

Could give you my number, or just message me here."

- [screams] - Oh, my God.

- "We have a team party tonight,

"if you want to make it out.

We have, like, or so team members."

[laughter]

- I'm here for the g*ngb*ng.

- "So if it's too overwhelming, I understand."

- Stop!

- "But everyone would be really excited."

[laughter]

- This is the definition of messy.

- Of g*ngb*ng.

- The way that Angelina's doing things is messy as usual,

and it's very on brand, and I don't appreciate it.

Can't you just be invited to event

and support it instead of--

- Getting gangbanged? - Shut the f*ck up.

- This is the opposite of support.

I'm out of my zone right now.

Talking trash with the enemy,

it's a distraction.

- It's a distraction for them, actually.

That's why I did it.

- You're DMing the whole ACL.

This is messy, Ang. - How is it messy?

- Come on. - Because now when he's--

when he's standing across from that board

and he's doing his thing,

he's going to be thinking about all of them

running the train on you.

- Probably.

- Angelina is a loose cannon,

and it's throwing me off my game.

- I was trying to help you. - Help me?

You're the definition of toxic. - Oh, my God.

- Vin, when are you gonna get laid?

- You tell me.

This girl does not stop thinking

about sex now that she's single.

- There's a smoosh room here. - You want to do that?

I'll do it. - Oh!

- Do you like him?

- I would date Vinny full-blown.

- Now that's how you get pinkeye.