08x04 - The Last Temptation of Jerry

[bunniefuu]

Jerry: ♪ Deck the house
with Easter baskets ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la,
eggs ♪

♪ Plastic grass
and chocolate rabbits ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
marshmallow bird ♪

♪ Easter is the time
for giving ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
Easter milk ♪

Hey, bud, wanna decorate
some Easter baskets

with your old man?

What? No.
I-I'm streaming on Twitch.

"Fortnite"
just added JFK.

Maybe we could fill
some baskets with jelly beans,

you know,
get our tradition on?

I've gotta pack
for spring break.

Also, Jelly Bean
is a slur.

Come on, Beth.
The kids are growing up.

Maybe you and I can hide
some eggs one last time?

I don't need the house smelling
like egg farts, Jerry.

Rick. Oh...

You know what?
Never mind.

Doesn't anyone
celebrate Easter anymore?

I-I don't wanna force people to
go to church or anything, but--

Can you even tell me
what Easter is about?

It's when Christ
was born.

Or was m*rder*d, maybe.
I dunno.

But we eat candy to remember.
It's important.

Jerry, if it wasn't for
the aisle at Costco,

you wouldn't even know
it was happening.

Yeah, Dad.

Example--
When's Christmas?

December 25th.

And what's
today's date?

Uh, Ap-Ap-April.

Look, I want to be
a good dad, okay?

And-- And I know
that you gotta

go straight up the middle
to do that.

If Easter is fading
from our family, that's bad.

So, who's coming with me
to get some egg dye?

Guess that just means
more candy for Jer.

[ Humming "Deck the Halls" ]

♪ Jerry makes an egg,
and it is nice ♪

Aaah!

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God,
are you ok-- Ahhhghh!

Oh, my God, what a terrible time
to have eaten so much candy.

Arghhhh!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not trying
to k*ll you with vomit!

I'm just so scared.
Agghh!

♪

[ Electricity zapping ]

Please, please tell me
this isn't who I think it is.

Well, do you know of any other
bipedal humanoid rabbits?

Oh, my God,
I k*lled the Easter Bunny.

Along with the hopes and dreams
of children everywhere.

Summer. Share those jokes
with me in private.

Rick,
what does this mean?

Not sure.
I have a few questions.

Did you puke on it
to try and k*ll it?

No!
I have no more questions.

Huh.

This necklace is German,


Shows permafrost
damage and--

Feel my heart. It's beating
a million beats per second!

Sweetie, calm down.
Have a glass of water.

Breathe.
Okay, okay.

Whew, you're right.
It's fine.

[ Sighs ]

[ Munching ]

Uh, Dad.
Mm!

Right, water.
I came in here for water.

[ Coughing ]

f*cking glass
doesn't work.

[ Grunts ]

[ Humming ]

[ Gulping ]

Dad,
what is happening?

Well, for the first time ever,
Jerry accomplished something.

We should remember him this way,
in case we lose him.

Lose him?

Mutagenesis.
Cellular transformation,

metastatic spread,
rapidly accelerating

with a deadline of...



That's Easter.
Unless it's next weekend?

Doesn't anyone have
a calendar app?

I have holidays
turned off.

Oh, yeah, no,
he-here it is.

Google says
it's this weekend.

Well, I truly thought
Easter was a zero holiday,

but, Jerry,
you've been...

Easter Claused.

Oh, no.

Wait. What?

Rick, that doesn't
make sense.

The title of the movie
is based on the pun

of Santa's last name.
Did you understand
what I meant?

If so, then it made
plenty of sense.

Aah!

This is
a mitogen deterrent,

should slow down
the transformation.

Beth, you stay with Jerry.
Morty, you're with me.

We're gonna Dan Brown
that German necklace.

Hell yeah,
E-Easter adventure!

Summer.
Daytona?

Exactly.
Get shitfaced, go insane.

Here's a fake ID
and a second alcohol stomach.

I want you to do some molly
and throw up in a pool.

No, no. Don't.
I f*ck' love you,
Grandpa Rick.

Come on, Morty,
to the Alps!

Let's Indiana Jones!

♪

Ah. Recent thaw.

This altitude
should be permafrost.

God, I do not wanna say
"climate change" on this show.

I don't know which way
Zaslav voted.

You think
that giant rabbit unfroze

because of SUVs and, uh...
cig-cig-cigarettes?

Yes, Morty, it unfroze
because of cigarettes.

You ever see "Iceman,"
Morty?

'80s flick?
Timothy Hutton?

The '80s were
forever ago, Rick.

"Encino Man"?

You're old.
You're old.

f*ck you, Morty.
f*ck you, Rick!

Eh, f*ck you!
You're old and g*y.

You can't say that
anymore!

Let's see
if the locals know anything.

Whoa, ch-check out
this Wicker Man-looking place.

[ Speaking German ]

German Easter is
a little less chocolate-centric.

Say what you want
about America,

but we get
a few things right.

[ Choral singing ]

♪

Whoa.
It's a big Easter egg.

Looks like it's
from Andromeda.

Why would aliens
care about a holiday

we don't even
care about?

I dunno, but we're not the
only ones looking for answers.

Check out these nerds.

Aah! Aah!

Space Christians?

I-Isn't that a conflict
of interest?

Hey, don't scan me.
I'll scan you.

Easter Rabbit DNA.

He's clearly
made contact with it.

My scan says
you sh*t standing up.

Says it gets
on your legs.

Where is the rabbit?

Oh, a cross g*n.
That's dumb.

Nobody needs
to get hurt.

I'm sure
I'll be fine.

[ Grunting ]
Aah!

Aah!

♪

Aren't you guys
on Easter's side?

What the hell
is happening?!

[ Grunting ]

Oh! Ah!

The egg is damaged.

But now we know
where it's from.

Andromeda!

Go there and destroy all
the containment eggs except one.

We'll capture
the rabbit here.

And then
Easter will be finished.

Ahh.

They got the egg.

H-How will we know
where to go?

Morty, it's one word.
We just said it.

Andromeda.

Alright!
To Amadahbra!

Are you...
Are you messing with me?

Beth.
Please let me out.

Rick put you in there
for a reason, sweetie.

Ugh, I feel fine!
I need to pee.

I just want... five minutes...
to stretch my legs!

Whoa. Heh.
Your arms.

I know.
They ripped through my shirt!

I'm telling you,
I feel amazing.

Like, I feel like
I could...

Holy sh*t. I feel so shallow
for how turned on I am.

See? I'm solid.

And so are you.

Oh. [ Giggles ]
Have I ever told you

you're the hottest woman
I could imagine?

Am I this easy?
I think I'm this easy.

I don't tell you enough.
I don't see you.

But I see you now.

Or as the Na'vi
put it...

[ Speaking Na'vi ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

We gotta wash
these sheets.

How 'bout one more go
before they dry?

[ Both moaning ]

Uch, Jesus!

What?
What?!

Jerry, you've got a boil
on your back,

and there's hair
inside it!

I'm sorry, just--

I cwath thu
fwack you.

Jerry? Your tooth.

Huh.
Would you look at that?

Oh, there's another one.
Oh!

[ Chuckles ]
Oh. Oh.

My mouth feels weird
in the middle.

Okay,
back in the prism.

No!
So-- So what?

A few teeth fell out while
we wait for Rick to get back.

Why is that
such a big dea--

[ Screaming ]
Jerry!

My legs!
Oh, my God, my legs!

They're broken!

Wait, they're--
they're fine!

Better than fine.

Wow! Look at this, babe.
Look!

Just calm down.
We'll, uh--

W-We'll get you
more lettuce.

Why are you being such a drag
about this?

You're scaring me.
And you're bumming me out.

If you're gonna be such a prude,
I'm getting out of here.

Jerry!
Jerry, come back!

♪

Rick, are we
in the right place?

Yeah.

Trying to work out
the big mythology here,

and all I'm getting is
H.R. Giger meets Coachella.

Okay, Rick, so, it looks
like there's a space oyster,

and it hypnotizes animals
with its pearl--
Uh, no. Stop. Stop.

I was just makin'
a hypothesis!

You know,
trying out some science?

Here's science.

The Easter Rabbit's
an alien.

They send it to planets
in an egg.

If you k*ll it,
you become it.

Okay, well,
explain this, then.

Easy.

The rabbit is some kind
of pheromonal catalyst.

L-Looks like it makes
everyone have sex

until the planet gets
overpopulated and collapses.

It's f*ck-based
terraforming!

sh*t, duck!

Whoa, Rick,
d-do you see that?

Yeah. It has a butt
where its d*ck should be.

Rick.
Morty.

Its butt
is in the front.

Ooooh,
these must be the guys

who move in after the rabbit's
done its stuff.

Have you seen any of them
turn around yet?

Is it in the back?
Stop it.

[ Screeching ]

♪

[ Cage clatters ]

Prepare to meet
your maker!
Huh?

[ Screeching ]

Christ guys
hate the bald guys?

What is the lore?
Who do we help?

[ Screeching ]

Neither!
We're gonna third party!

[ Panting ]
He's going for the last egg!

Stop the dentist!

Aah!

sh*t!

Aah!

[ Screeching ]

♪

H-How are we
getting off this planet, Rick?

Same way they do.

Son of a b*tch.

Those are ships?

Oh, I've seen this
on TV.

Th-They're on Earth!
Yep.

On Easter Island.

Suppose that might've been
a good place to start.

Sir... mission successful.

We didn't get an egg.

The old man and his young son
escaped with it.

Kincaid: Why did you say
mission successful, then?

I dunno.
I'm dying.

Kinda wanted to go out
on a high--

He was here.

Now...
where did he go?

[ Up-tempo country music plays ]

♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Can't believe you're here
after that motorcycle accident

you clearly just
walked away from.

Yeah, buddy.
I respect you.

You respect me enough
to have sex with that guy?

What? No!

But maybe I could give him
a little smooch.

Whoa,
what's going on?

Have sex with someone!

How 'bout a dry hump
instead?

Good enough.

Oh, yeah.

Powers growing.

Societal collapse
imminent!

[ Banging, clattering ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Zipper opens ]

Oh, yeah. Oh.

Freeze,
abomination!

No! No!

Must collapse society!

Not today, cupcake.

♪

Aaah! Rick!

♪

I feel like we got off
on the wrong foot here.

Christrooper General
Reinhard Kincaid.

The truth is,
we both want the same thing.

We both want you
to shut up?

Cute.
Let me tell you a story.

My species
does not like sex.

Is that...
the whole story?

We think it's gross.

I don't like seeing it
in movies or TV.

It upsets me when they
reference it in pop songs.

Wow.


we sent a Trooper here
to k*ll your rabbit.

But Earth crucified him.

Whoa. That is not
how we tell that story.

Look,
you have the egg.

We have...

[ Grunting ]

Dad?!
Shut up.

Mo-o-o-rty!

[ Growls ]

He's gonna
break through!

[ Growling ]

[ Screeching ]

Holy sh*t.

♪

Jerry.
You in there?

Come on, let's get you home
and un-Easter-Clause you.

There is no Jerry.

Only Bunny.
Kiss.

Gross, dude.
Dad! We saw the murals.

You don't think the first thing
we would do

is inoculate ourselves?

Yeah,
this is a low.

Sex!

♪

Have baby.

Cram p*nis.

Spill juice.

Time to make fuuuuck!

[ People moaning ]

Aah!
Beth!

[ Breathing heavily ]

Aah!

[ Growling ]

[ Jerry
breathing heavily ]

J-Jerry?

Aah!

Jerry! I want to have sex
with you, not this.

Jerry monster?

No!

So sorry.

I'm sorry, Beth.

What have I become?

It's okay.

You just wanted to celebrate
a holiday with your family.

Now you know
never to do that again.

Get back!
Can't control it!

I know what to do.

♪

[ Grunting ]

♪

Anyway, that's the whole plot
of "Alien: Prometheus."

Wow!
Sounds memorable!

H-How'd we even start
talking about that?

I dunno, Morty. Sometimes
I just get on tangents.

[ Laughing ]

You think you've won.

But we sent our best man,
and he couldn't do the job.

Do you truly think
you're better than the Christ?

Ugh. This guy doesn't even die
when he's dead.

Your planet will be,
how do you say it,

f*cked out.

[ Laughing ]

h*.

[ Wheezes ]

Okay,
now he's dead.

[ Snoring ]

He's sleeping.

Do we...
need to k*ll him?

We can go.
He's on an island without legs.

[ Both moaning ]

Morty, remind me to delete
the Ring cams after this.

It's like that thing
you told me about,

the-- the rat thing.
Rat thing?

You told me once
about an experiment with rats.

When I was, "wasting time
brushing my hair."

Rat utopia! Morty!
I-It's exactly like that.

That's--
You did science!

Good job.
Nice little mini-arc.

And all it took
was a trip to Amadahbra!

He's in the garage.

And unless you guys
just jerked around

for the last 48 hours,
you know how to fix this.

He's my grandson!
We didn't jerk anything!

I made a vaccine.

Can't... hold it... in!

[ People moaning ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

Thank god
we already had sex.

When he was
a person.

Alright, I'm gonna extract the
rabbit particles into this egg

without k*lling Jerry.

Do not touch the beam
or you'll become the bunny.

And I'm guessing it'll be fast,
because it's...

Easter.

[ Growling ]

Ugh, what now?!

[ Groaning ]

Ooh! It's a--
It's a butt guy!

Morty, I saw his back part!
He's got a--

Rick,
there's no time!

Aah!

[ Screeching ]

sh*t!

[ Crackling ]

Guuuuaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

[ Screams ]

Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no!

Mom!

[ Growling ]

Aah!

[ Groaning ]

Agh!
God, I hate Easter!

Aaah!

Beth, are you okay?!

Jerry.
I'm so sorry!

[ Roars ]

[ Sighs ]
[ People moaning ]

I have to fix this.

Aah! Aah!

[ Screeching ]

Oh, f*ck!
f*ck!

It's in the Butt Guy!

[ Screeching ]

Whoa!
It's that guy!

How did you
get here?

I took
the big stone ship.

But I landed downtown,
so then I took a bus.

Then I put the egg back
in the splitter

after he dropped it
in front of me

and patched the egg
with a piece from that mosaic.

Then I used that to get
the bunny out of the butt guy

into the egg,
which you guys saw,

and now we're
in the present.

Everyone stopped
having sex.

It's-- It's beautiful.

You can keep the egg.
We're done here.

What am I gonna do
with this?

I dunno.
Use it as art?

What do people do on your planet
if they're not having sex?

I'm so glad you asked.

We weren't
actually asking.

Get off our lawn.

[ Grunting ]

[ Chuckles ]
Alright, I can do it.

[ Grunts ]
Just give me a moment.

[ Grunting ]
Turn away. Turn away.
Who--

Who was that?
Honestly, Mom, don't ask.

The less we know about holidays
the better.

Well said, son.
Well said.

♪ Deck the house
with Easter baskets ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la,
eggs ♪

♪ Plastic grass
and chocolate rabbits ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
marshmallow bird ♪

♪ Easter is the time
for giving ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
Easter milk ♪

♪ Something, something,
basket, candy ♪

♪ Jerry makes an egg,
and it is nice ♪

♪ Oh, presidents
can have a birthday ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la, celebrate ♪

♪ Burger King
and do it your way ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
Whopper, Big Mac ♪

♪ Some are loud
and some are somber ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la,
different things ♪

♪ Corvettes and Hondas,
Mr. Golf Cart ♪

♪ Everything's a sale,
go to the store ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la, spend ♪

That should do it.

I-I'm happy we did all the other
religious holidays off-screen.

Wait, did we just live
through a whole calendar year?

Is Summer still at
spring break?!

[ Dance music plays ]

You wanna
do more poppers?

No, I'm tired.

How long
have we been here?

I think it's December.

Spring break!

Sunblock, trading sunblock
for flip-flops!

We've got shots.
Tequila shots, Vodka shots.

Tetanus shots!

[ Air horn blows ]

sh*t.
Gotta go see Madison.

Do you have a tribute?

Madison! I've brought you
this epic gram of mushrooms.

"Epic"?
What are you, 30?

Get the hell out of my tent.
No!

What did you bring her?

Weed gummies,
and I found a PopSocket.

Hey!
Madison!
I brought you a PopSocket!

That's mine!
Give it back!

Ugh, drama.

Exile them to the
Best Western pool area.

Hold up.

What's the story
on that bracelet?

[ Sighs ] After I realized
spring break only ends

if your parents
pick you up,

I holed up with
another forgotten girl I met.

Me and Brittany lived on jello
shots until her teeth fell out.

She didn't have a second stomach
just for alcohol.

She didn't make it.

I wear her teeth
to remember.

They're yours
if you want 'em.

Tight.
This girl is my new bestie.

Hell yeah.
Let's do poppers!

Hell... yeah.

♪

[ Doorbell rings ]

Debra. My love.
I voyaged across the stars.

And I've realized one thing
above all others.

I want to make love
to my wife.

What?
Sex is gross.

Are you sure?

It doesn't weird me out
anymore.

I sort of got to see it
up close.

You've been gone for 20 years.
You came back in half.

What am I gonna f*ck,

that bone that's sticking out
of your body?

Also, what is that?
I didn't ask for a big egg.

It's got an immortal
bunny spirit in it.

Does that turn you on?
No. Absolutely not.

Drag yourself
somewhere else.

I have lived my life poorly.

Did you get any of that?