01x03 - Too Many Drinks

[bunniefuu]

A NETFLIX SERIES

Geez. Oh my God.

Happy Mother's Day, Isadir!

-Ma'am, watch out.
-My Lord. Stop.

You're too old. It's not good for you.

-No way. My mom lived to be 100.
-Did she work out?

She minded her own business.

-Geez.
-C'mon. Give me a break.

-Ouch.
-I told you.

I warned you. You look tense.
Are you worried about money?

I'm worried about my son. Well, same sh*t.

Let me tell you, Marinez.

You raise the kid. Spend lots of money.

On Mother's Day, you get a shitty gift.

They forget all about you once you're old.

Only young women matter in this world.

There's plenty of seats
for seniors on the bus.

Marinez, why did you bring my bike in?

Were you riding the kid's bike?

Marinez!

You shouldn't take things without asking.

-Excuse us.
-Sneaky as hell.

Happy Mother's Day!

To my second favorite grandma!

The other one
gives me more expensive stuff.

That's okay.

No problem. I'm an old lady,
but I don't like preferential seating.

I'm into sports,
and I signed up for a tournament.

Then my gift is perfect
for the checkers competition at the park.

Seniors go wild for it.

You go… I should shove a checkers piece
up you know where.

C'mon, Grandma!

-Go straight to hell.
-You didn't like it?

Seriously? Checkers?

-g*dd*mn it! f*ck it.
-You like chess better?

-Give me a break.
-Mom.

Happy Mother's Day
to the most wonderful mom in the world!

-Oh, my son.
-This is right up your alley.

-Here you go.
-Who's mama's baby?

-I'm mama's baby.
-I put baby powder there.

She always jokes around like that…

Knitting yarn?
To hell with you too, Carlos.

I thought you'd love it.

Why is that?

I'm not ready
to be a senior citizen, okay?

I want to go wild.

I want to sleep with strangers.

Are you crazy?
You never slept with strangers.

Your dad was pretty strange.
You should know that.

Relax, mother-in-law.

My mother will soon be here
to keep you company.

Two grandmas today?

It'll look like the line at the bank.

-Why?
-Good morning.

Good morning, daughter.

A gift for Grandma?

Here's your gift.

That's so nice.

I feel like a kid again
when I get presents.

-Show us what it is.
-I got one size bigger for her.

I love it.

What's that, Marcia?
That's no gift for a senior.

Your mama is a senior.

-Pull it down.
-Grandma is a cougar, okay?

More like a lazy cat.
Eats and naps all day.

Listen, just ignore them.

-Kids.
-Yes?

Treat your grandma very well.

She'll leave tonight.

Wow, she'll hang around all day? I mean…

-Mom.
-Well, I came from the poor side of town.

I'm on lockdown with my son.

-I'm going gray.
-Okay.

Dear, Mommy is leaving for Paris.

She makes great use of her passport.

-She's seen the world.
-I've been around.

I use my metro card all the time.

Senior citizens ride for free.

I've been looking for my broom.

-Her broom?
-Nope.

-Didn't you get…
-Broom?

-The door.
-I'll get it.

-Get the door.
-Let's behave, please.

-Calm down.
-Another senior coming in.

Hi, Silvânia!

-Looking good.
-Mommy.

I missed you so much!

Hi, honey.

I forgot how hot this city is.

-It's hot.
-Poor outfit choices.

You're always so kind.

-How's your…
-Stay.

Yes, living rent-free at my daughter's.

-It sucks when we have people over.
-Mommy!

That's a big purse, Grandma.
Did you bring a lot of gifts?

Kids, please forgive me.
Grandma was in a hurry.

-I didn't bring anything for anyone.
-C'mon!

Not even one gift?

Got one for you. Take it, silly boy.

-C'mon.
-Go to hell.

Tough crowd today, right?

My grandson is so handsome.

Looks just like his mom.

At least he's healthy.

Please remember that our house
is your house too.

Mommy, do me a favor.

Find her a comfortable outfit.

Where I come from,
that's what hand-me-downs look like.

I wear designer brands.

-Right?
-Yes.

Designer brands?
You look like a bathroom set.

Matching mat, curtain,
and toilet seat cover.

-Mommy!
-Just go to hell.

-My dear…
-Yes?

This is by Louis Vuitton.

Luísa and Vitão broke up.

Isadir, this scarf…

-I'll explain.
-Go on.

I wear this because my husband, Arnaldo,

doesn't want me
to expose my neck to everyone.

Daddy is an old-fashioned man.

Your mom is more old-fashioned.

Women doing as they're told? Go to hell.

He likes telling me what to do.

If he tells you what to do,
he doesn't know what to do in bed.

See, she's wise.

Once again,
please make yourself comfortable.

You're at home, okay?

You can't just move in, right?

It must be hell on Earth
to live with one's mother-in-law, right?

I'm off to work. Excuse me.

Mom, how about some tea?

I'd rather do my water fitness.

Will you join me, Isadir?

That's a workout for seniors. No, I won't.

I wanna see you two in some hot bikinis.

Marcia, Grandma can't go that far.

I don't want to be too loose.

What?

There's loose skin
around my boobs, belly, butt…

Silvânia, how about
a TikTok video at the pool?

-How does that work?
-I'll show you.

-All right.
-Your mom is old as sh*t.

Never heard of TikTok? Go to hell, then.

Come. Let's go.

Watch your step.
I'm nimble. I'm used to it.

I can…

Let's go, woman! So f*cking slow.

-Post it, Marcia.
-Wow, that was great.

-It's great.
-My Tik is "Isa_All_The_Way_2020."

Okay.

-Sit down.
-Tell me.

What could we do
to make the most of our time?

Any ideas? A good restaurant?

Will Arnaldo get mad?

He's such a conservative.

He must not find out I'm going out.

Tell Arnaldo to go straight to hell.

We're going out.

-But I--
-It's dance night in my neighborhood.

But remember,
I can't miss my flight to Paris.

We'll fly over to my neighborhood.

There's no Eiffel Tower,
but we have beer towers.

It's delicious. Let's go.
I'll let Fatima know.

-Wait.
-Wait what?

I told Alice I'd have lunch with her.

Lunch with Alice?

It's always lunch with the kids
on Mother's Day.

Always telling them
about Red Riding Hood and the Wolf.

Let's go write our own story.

Wild Grandmas.

Let's go, Silvânia. Get your things and…

Kid, we're going out, okay?

You shouldn't have come in.

See how I'm treated
in this toxic environment?

Alice, don't talk to your elders that way.

I'm not that much older. Go to hell.

Are you going out? Where?

-Yes.
-No, you're not going anywhere.

Mommy, I ordered that fish dish
that reminds you of me.

-Which one?
-Blobfish.

-Isadir, tell me one thing.
-What?

Did your husband have a jumbo shrimp?

If we're talking about seafood,

it was more like a goldfish.

Don't exaggerate.
It wasn't that bad, okay?

I saw Zé wearing a Speedo.

You did? But he was all eggs, no sausage.

I cannot complain.

Neither can I.

-Hi, son.
-Wow, what do we have here?

Is it celebrity night?

Besides Bruna Marquezine and Sasha,
now we have Manu Gavassi?,,

Color me q*eer!

Well, girls,
I still miss Beto to this day.

I remember his last words to me.

What did he say?

Woman, hold this damn ladder!

Time out!

-Time out.
-Shouldn't we be having fun?

It's fun to talk trash about men.
C'mon, Silvânia.

Today at the Sargent Club,
Mother's Day Dance.

-Come, Fatima.
-Pitchers.

Beer towers. Everything 50% off.

-Half.
-Half.

Mothers don't have to pay.

-Free.
-More info…

MOTHER'S DAY DANCE

Let's dance samba!

It's so good to dance some samba
Samba!

You can do it too
Let's samba

Let's hear that clap

My feet are k*lling me.

Long time since I danced this much.

Isadir, isn't that Carlos's ex?

The one dancing in yellow.

Everyone's dancing, Fatima.

Wow, the way she's moving,
she must be single.

CARLOS'S EX

I'm single and sitting. Bad back.

Tell me about it.
I think I tweaked my back.

I danced a little. I'll go see a doctor.

Check out that girl.

She's wearing high heels.

How does she… Give me a break.

Back in the day, we would dance all night.

People started getting married.

Every dance,
we would wonder, "Who's next?"

Now it's like the Day of the Dead.
Who's next?

-Odds.
-Evens.

Girls!

-What is it?
-Men can't help but stare at me.

This aphrodisiac drink
makes me look more attractive.

It made you drunk.

Sorry, she's…

Too much…

Oh Lord.

Girls, I think we're done.

-Should we go home?
-Let's go.

I gotta go to the restroom.

Go pee, then!

If you pee in the Uber, I'll lose a star.

-No way.
-All right.

-Take her.
-I'll go with you, Silvânia.

Leave the boy alone.
Sorry. Let's go, Silvânia.

To hell with you all.

Isadir!

I never thought I'd see you around here.

Who did you expect?
!sis Valverde or Sharon Stone?

Shouldn't you answer that?

No. It must be someone nagging me.

See? My daughter-in-law.

I'll leave you two alone.

Stay, Fatima.

Every time I've been alone with Davi,
I've had to finish on my own.

-Let's go, Fatima.
-No, stay a bit longer.

My documents.

No… What?

My documents.

No mints for me.
I won't make out with anyone, right, Davi?

-One more?
-Go drink.

When Fatima drinks,
she gets annoying and needy.

I got no patience.

-Keep it low. They're sleeping.
-Such a nice house.

They're sleeping, g*dd*mn it!

Dancing to that one was so much fun.

It wasn't love, no it wasn't

It wasn't love, no it wasn't

It wasn't

It was a trap, trap, trap

Trap

Mom, look at the time. Dancing?

She was dancing
He was checking her out

Watch out for his head

He's a cool guy
Can't help checking chicks out

I knew it wouldn't work. How silly of me!

You're so silly

Silly in love

You fell for it

Turn around!

Enough, Mom! You're acting like a child.

Just because I peed in an Uber?

You peed yourself?

It's okay. The driver was 70.
He knows how hard it is to hold it in.

Isadir, you got my mom drunk.
She can't stand up straight.

Wanna see me stand up straight?

I didn't get her drunk, okay?
Stella got her drunk, all right?

Who's Stella, Isadir?

The beer.

It started off with beer.

Then I got something stronger.

You really went too far.

No, we were in her neighborhood nearby.

Next time, I wanna go downtown.

I told her their clubs are rad.

You said you'd come back soon.

Yes, go out and come back soon.

Mom, you have a flight to Paris.

To Paris.

I'd rather go uptown funk.

Uptown funk!

-Uptown funk?
-Are you a parrot?

I'm no parrot. I was just repeating.

-Your parrot hasn't gone wild in a while.
-Mom.

Please, watch out. She's gonna puke next.

-Use this.
-No, not my vase from India!

-Indian vase or Persian rug?
-Not the Persian rug.

-How about the bathroom?
-My mom can't hold her liquor.

I showed her how. She mastered it.

My Lord… I don't know what to do.

-I'm okay.
-I can see that.

-It's reflux.
-Great.

All right.

-Geez.
-Mother-in-law?

Get a…

Man, she really puked.

People, what's going on?

-Grandma, are you okay?
-You think?

Alcohol can trigger the gallbladder

or cause motion sickness.

-Right?
-"Right?"

I can't believe it. Incredible.

You go to med school,
and I have to diagnose her?

I should charge you, then.

To the restroom.

-Walk slowly.
-Wow.

-Really…
-Let's make coffee.

People, I was laughing at my memories.

-I'll go make some coffee.
-And I'll k*ll myself.

Don't do it here.
Bloodstains are worse than vomit.

Let's go, my love.
I don't know what to do…

-Why did you leave her with Mom?
-I didn't!

Now stop and shake a bit…

Had I known her before getting married,
I wouldn't have said "I do."

Honey, you knew my mother. Stop it.

At least you're not like Isadir.
Right, Carlos?

-At least I'm not stupid like him.
-C'mon, Mom.

Mom's been puking her guts out.

She pukes non-stop.
I'd rather do it in installments.

And whose fault is it?

-Yours, Isadir!
-Calm down, honey.

Not my fault. I could only buy a pitcher.

-She bought the SC.
-SC?

-Strong catuaba.
-Mom…

Isadir, you know
you're both too old for that.

-Oh no.
-No?

Don't lock me up because of my age.

I have a lot left to experience.

I will never

accept that.

-Watch your heart, Mom.
-Grams is right.

Want to experience something new?
Check out my smoky room.

You'll trip hard without puking.

-New experiences.
-Mom!

-Grandma, don't lick me.
-"Lick me"?

Out of her mind.

-What's going on?
-Go check it out.

As I was saying…

Damn, I'm talking to myself.

Mom, wake up. You'll miss your flight.

Mommy!

Do something. C'mon, Marcia!

We're no longer a family.
We're a team now.

She needs an IV with 100 ml of glucose.

Did you learn that in college?

I learned it the night I got plastered.

-We need to talk, honey.
-Sure.

-I'll get the glucose.
-Go!

Your dad…
You got plastered when you were young.

-Me?
-Yeah, back at home.

When you climbed up a pole
and exposed your pole.

I didn't do that.

-I don't remember that.
-You were drunk.

Was I, Mom?

Hey, Isadir.

We left the club
and didn't eat that f*cking grub.

Mom, grub is for poor people.

I drink and act rich.
She drinks and acts poor.

Daddy must be waiting at the airport.
You're skunk drunk.

One more thing!

You left me talking to myself.

They won't let her in.
Flammable objects can't be on a plane.

You know what, son?
I'm sorry for your grandpa Arnaldo.

Speak of the devil.

-Is that him?
-Hello?

-So?
-Hi, Grandpa.

-What's up?
-That wrinkly ball is asking--

-Don't call your grandpa that!
-C'mon.

God almighty.

Tell him I'm drunk.

Grandma said she's drunk.

-Don't talk like that.
-My head almost rolled off.

-Stall the trip.
-I ain't tripping.

No time for a joint now.

Grams, take care of it.

-Stop slapping me.
-C'mon, Jonas.

Hi, Arnaldo.

-Go f*ck yourself.
-Mom.

She's her own woman.
She can go out drinking with friends.

Equal rights. Sorority.
Go straight to f*cking hell!

-Thanks, Isadir. Thank you!
-You said it all.

-That's exactly it.
-Preach!

-That's it.
-That's it.

You go, girl.

-Tell us, Marcia!
-Tell us.

-Tell Grandma.
-How is she?

Her blood pressure is fine.

You're putting too much pressure on me.

And Dad's blood pressure at the airport?

He can f*cking rot in Paris.

She says "f*cking" so elegantly.
I can't do it.

What's up?

-Isadir.
-Yes, ma'am.

Thank you so much
for this amazing experience.

Not more amazing than raising a kid
on a teacher's salary.

-Mom?
-Hallelujah.

This is one of the few times
I agree 100% with you.

You'd better get going. You're so late.

-I'll get her bags.
-Go get them.

-Yes?
-I've traveled far and beyond.

I've never had such a special experience.

Really?

What's so special about that neighborhood?
It shouldn't be on a map.

Hear me out.

Our streets are full of potholes.

Our houses are crumbling down.

But everyone's great over there.

What a damn amazing woman!

What a damn amazing woman!

-I'm a damn amazing woman.
-Yes…

Go get my bag. I have a gift for her.

Don't give me one now.

Go to Paris and send me something.

But I don't want a miniature Eiffel Tower.

To hell with it.

I can't find my junk.

Relax. I can't find my junk
when it gets cold.

Carlos can't ever find his junk,
regardless of the season.

-What's going on?
-It's been going on since she moved in.

Found it!

But I can't find my passport.

Isadir!

-Good Lord.
-It's Fatima.

Geez, that's Fatima.

Fatima!

-Fatima!
-Isadir!

Isadir, I'm sorry, but I love you.

I love you too, Fatima.

How did you get in?

Wake up, Alice!

Your security guard
was a delivery guy in my area.

-Really?
-Got it?

I got an extra key and gave it to Fatima.

-Silvânia!
-Oh, my angel!

-Silvânia.
-Have they met?

They're close now.

Another powerful sister!

Hey.

You forgot your little notepad.

My passport!

-Bless you!
-I thought she had lost it.

Yeah, but she missed the flight.

No way. I'll take you.

Hurry, then. She may puke in your car.

No more puking in this house.

-For God's sake.
-Enough!

-Fatima?
-No, Fatima!

-No.
-No, Fátima!

I'll make coffee.

-And I'll kiss myself.
-No. What?

-Bloodstains don't come out.
-k*ll myself.

"Kiss myself."

She's threatening to kiss herself.

-I ain't tripping!
-Don't yell at your mom.

-C'mon.
-He's yelling.

Man, pick on someone your own size!

Talk to my grams.

f*ck!

Mom?

-Pool time?
-Yeah?

Let's go to the pool.

Crazy pool!

-Crazy.
-You go!

Yeah, we're gonna get crazy in the pool.

Let's go.

We got to put our swimsuits on
because Mama's here, damn it!