When we were young
And were both in school
We had to play...
(BOAT WHIRRING)
(ICE CUBES RATTLING)
(LIQUID POURING)
(BLENDER WHIRRING)
(ICE CUBES RATTLING)
But those years are over
Don't worry, baby
Those years are over
Don't worry, baby
We're all getting older
You were at home
(BOAT WHIRRING)
Each of us carried
a separate load
f*ck you, Alisha!
f*ck you!
I always knew!
I always knew!
And the judge knew, too!
So, f*ck your alimony!
You're there and I'm on
a f*ck' boat, baby!
Those years are over
(SLURPS)
MAN 1: I should have
f*cked your sister
when I had a chance!
(DISTANT SHRIEK)
Those years are over
Don't worry, baby
We're all getting older
Alexa, k*ll the music.
Alexa, stop--
ALEXA: (ON SPEAKER) Okay.
Thank you.
(PANTS)
Oh my God.
(GRUNTS)
(THUD)
(SIGHS)
(CLATTERING)
(EXHALES)
(PUMPS SHOTGUN)
MAN 1: Hello!
(DISTANT SQUEAL)
MAN 1: You're on
private property.
On open water.
What happens next,
stays out here.
Final warning.
I'm comin' at you
with a loaded shotgun.
(PANTS)
(GROWLS)
(CREATURE SHRIEKS)
(PANTS)
(THUMPING)
Oh jee!
(CREATURE GROWLING)
(SIGHS)
Well, we're on a boat.
(PUMPS SHOTGUN)
Let's party.
(ROARS)
(CREATURE MUNCHING)
(SMACK)
(WHEEZING)
WEATHERCASTER: (ON RADIO)
...and then rainfall.
It's what?
103 is what it
feels like right now.
Our high today was 93.
So good, you know,
10, 15 degrees above
the actual
thermometer temperature.
In the shade,
it's where it's calculated.
And we're running
into from 102 to 110.
And that's the way it's gonna
stay as we head through.
Despite the number,
everybody's in the 100s here.
Feels like 104 for Lauderdale.
And there you see 103
in Miami, 105 in Homestead.
Where is the rainfall?
Too dry out there, up above.
And so we're trying to squeeze
out a couple of showers here.
And we may get some,
but this is gonna be far and
few between--
(DOOR SQUEAKING)
Hey, Trixi.
(VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING)
(WATER FLOWING)
(BUBBLES GURGLING)
(TAPPING)
(BUBBLES GURGLING)
MAN 2: Doug, I know this isn't
a very popular term nowadays.
So, when I say this,
I want you to know
it's a genuine question.
From almost
a medical point of view.
But are you f*ck' Ret*rded?
Doug?
Uh, no.
I don't think so.
No.
MAN 2: Trixi said on Tuesday
you left a note in her locker
or some sh*t.
Like, what the hell?
Uh, it was a poem.
(SIGHS)
Look, I got to let you go,
brother.
What?
MAN 2: I said
I gotta let you go, brother.
Why?
Straight up, you've
gotten pretty weird, man.
I mean, a poem?
That's the worst. I...
I mean,
you're creepin' everyone out.
This is constructive.
I'm shootin' you
straight here, okay?
DOUG: Yeah.
Uh, I could--
We got the same dealer, man.
I'm not a f*ck' moron.
Yeah.
Doug, you haven't shown to
the last three staff meetings.
If you had, you'd-- you'd know
we got some big changes
goin' on around here.
We're adding two bombshells
from Miami to the roster.
Adding that breakfast buffet.
Uh, what about the fish?
MAN 2: They're not here
for the fish!
But...
They're not here
for the f*ck' fish.
They're here for the t*ts.
A 100 grand later,
I learned that the hard way.
This VIP tank room,
it was a pipe dream.
I blew it.
I was hopeful.
I like Florida. I like fish.
I had a little fish tank
when I was a kid,
but sh*t, this is a bust.
No one wants to look at fish.
They wanna look at t*ts.
They wanna focus on a nut,
not a grouper.
It's simple sh*t.
I gotta pivot.
It's just business, man.
Doug, you need some help, man.
Get some help.
(PUCK CLICKING)
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
So, uh, you, uh, excited?
For what?
Hmm, to bowl.
I guess so.
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
DOUG: You just wanna square up
with the pins there,
real good,
and you gotta get prepped,
and then you just do
three, two, one.
You see?
Three, two, one.
(BALL RUMBLING)
(THUD)
DOUG: Not-- not great.
But, uh, Dad's still learnin'.
(BOWLING PINS RATTLING)
Really can't explain
Just yesterday morning
I saw your face a--
(KEYS JINGLING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING
AND SQUAWKING IN BACKGROUND)
Well, maybe next weekend we
can get you out to the beach.
Take the boat out and stuff.
Um, yeah, maybe.
(CAR DOOR CREAKS)
(BIRDS SQUAWKING
IN BACKGROUND)
Close the door.
(CAR DOOR SHUTS)
WOMAN 1: Oh, hey, munchkin.
Did you have a fun day?
Okay, good.
Hi.
(SIGHS)
Hi.
Hey.
Um, Keith PayPaled you
some money.
Did you get it?
Uh, I saw that.
Yeah, I thought that...
I don't know. It's like a--
MAN 3: Yo, Doug!
PayPaled you 200! You get it?
Cool.
That's for her, okay?
I want you
to get her something nice.
Party's two weeks
from tomorrow, so...
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sayin' it so you show up
with somethin', okay?
Yeah. Uh, are we done?
'Cause I actually gotta go.
Really gotta--
WOMAN 1: You gotta
f*cking go?
DOUG: Get home, so...
Okay. Go on.
Well, as I ain't doing you
no f*ck' favors.
(CAR ENGINE WHIRS)
...my maker
Don't forget, okay?
Yeah.
If I were a rich man
I gotta go.
Bye.
I'd have been okay
I'd have been okay
But I had nothin'
Are you f*cking kidding me?
How's he doin'?
WOMAN 1: How do you think
he's doin'?
He's a f*ck' weirdo.
To find a second chance
Oh
(LEAVES RUSTLING)
(BOTTLES RATTLING)
(INDISTINCT TV CHATTER)
(DOOR CREAKS)
DOUG: How we doing, fellas?
Yeah, I know. I know.
The bridge is backed up,
all right?
So...
(SIGHS)
Okay, take it easy, Gus.
You look kinda bloated.
It's a big piece, Sandy.
There you go.
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
MAN 4: Strange little man,
Dougy.
And the only thing
that's turned out right
was a candle.
DOUG:
Um, I don't have it, Ron.
It's not here.
Yeah, we would
have found it if it was.
You remember my son,
don't you?
Sup, player?
Y'all used to build
sandcastles right down here
while I was up here doin'
blow with your daddy.
Jesse, was it?
Well, it's Gator now.
On account of I gotta say
much,
but I got a little bite in me.
RON: That.
And he's the best damn
gator tamer
the Sunshine State's got
to offer.
GATOR: Yes, sir.
I had a show up in Tallahassee
goin' on five years runnin'.
It was until last month,
Birtha,
our biggest, she got my a*s
into a death roll.
Oh.
Occupational hazard, huh?
GATOR: Whoa!
(GATOR SNIGGERS)
GATOR: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Little man with them
big words.
What's goin' on here, Daddy?
I thought you said he was dim.
No, no, I didn't say that.
I said he was odd,
but that don't make him dim.
Gator's been helping me
with the day-to-days
in his downtime.
Oh, uh, yeah, just, uh...
Just been a bit of a bump.
Get in line, Dougy.
Life's built with walls
of tough sh*t.
I mean, you wanna hear what
I've been goin'
through lately?
(GRUNTS)
I just found out that
my mediocre wife of 35 years
done gone g*y.
Oh, Debby, really? Uh...
RON: Mm-hmm.
Apparently, it's just Deb now.
It's been
a multi-layered mind f*ck,
'cause usually lesbians and I,
we get along great.
Yep, Gator and I,
we've been livin' on the boat.
I emailed you in depth
about all this sh*t.
(GASPS)
(GARBLING)
RON: Let's see here.
Subject, "Yo, we need to talk.
Let's grab a beer soon,
dot, dot, dot."
No reply.
(BUBBLES GURGLING)
(COUGHS, GASPS)
RON: Two weeks later.
"Percs don't fall off trees.
You owe me three grand.
Let's be adult about this."
Smiley face.
(BUBBLES GURGLING)
(SCREAMING)
(GASPS, COUGHS)
Three days ago,
the last one I sent.
All caps.
"Debby's g*y,
exclamation point.
It all means nothin'.
Need money yesterday."
(DOUG GROANS)
(DOUG GASPS)
(THUD)
(GROANS, COUGHS)
RON: No reply again.
(COUGHS)
RON: sh*t, son!
Your daddy must be tired
of rollin' around in his grave
watching this sh*t.
I used to sit right here
in the kitchen with him.
High as kites, listenin'
to him ramble on about...
ACTOR 1: (ON TV) Oh no!
...how worried
he was about you.
He used to say, "Something's
not right with that boy.
He's off scratchin' his head,
writin' his poems and sh*t."
(SPLASHING)
RON: But I'd assure him,
I'd say,
"Just give him some time
to find his feet.
Meet a nice lady
and settle down.
That's all that he needs."
Well, here we are, Dougy.
ACTOR 2: (ON TV) Oh, my gosh.
You still livin' in his house.
Drivin' around in his car.
Still can't find your feet,
can you?
(WAVES CRASHING)
(DOUG GASPING)
(WHIMPERS)
(TRIGGER CLICKS, COUGHS)
(GRUNTS)
(DOUG WHIMPERS)
(SMACKS g*n)
(WAVES LAPPING IN BACKGROUND)
(WAVES LAPPING IN BACKGROUND)
(BOAT WHIRRING)
NARRATOR: Did you know
that the ocean
is 71 percent
of the Earth's surface
and holds over 1.3 billion
cubic kilometers of water?
It is said that humans have
only discovered
around 5% of it,
which leaves lots of room
for imaginations to run free.
Over thousands of years,
we have heard sightings
of sea creatures,
but one of them in particular
has continued to hold water.
(ON PHONE) Sightings
of mermaids date back
to the beginning of humanity,
from lonely Christopher
Columbus out at sea,
all the way to today.
From the Amalfi Coast of Italy
to the shores of South Africa,
these tails have continued
to stand the test of time.
NARRATOR 2: (ON PHONE)
Conflicting ideologies
of the mythology.
The western concept
is beautiful,
seductive singers that may
have been influenced
by the mermaids of Greek--
NARRATOR 3: (ON PHONE)
In Slavic folklore,
these monstrous creatures
travel in twos
or threes from their school,
hunting sinful sailors
and fishermen
all around the globe.
NARRATOR 4: (ON PHONE) They
communicate not by singing
but a deafening screech,
that has been documented
as the sound of hell itself
by those who have heard it.
Comment down below,
which mermaid mythology
is your favorite.
And don't forget
to click that button
and subscri--
(HOWLING IN DISTANCE)
(CREATURE SHRIEKING
IN DISTANCE)
(THUDDING AND CLATTERING)
(CREATURE SHRIEKING)
(HISSES)
(THUMP)
(CREATURE HISSING)
Whoa!
(FRIDGE HUMMING)
(INSECTS CHIRPING
IN BACKGROUND)
(WAVES CRASHING)
Sorry, fellas.
Okay.
All right.
(GROWLS)
Whoa!
Not cool, okay? No.
That's not good.
No.
This is food.
I'm being nice, okay? See?
Mmm. Food.
Okay.
Yeah. Nice and slow.
A little bit of...
Yeah, okay.
That's good.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
That's good. Yeah.
(GRUNTING)
DOUG: Yeah.
It's gonna take about half
an hour for those to kick in.
When they do,
you're flyin' high.
That's my good stuff.
Percs.
Uh, good news is I, uh,
know pretty much everything
there is to know
about saltwater fish,
but, uh, bad news,
I'm not too good with women.
Yeah.
Or people in general.
Yeah.
But I think that's why
this could be good.
You know?
Healthy.
For both of us.
Just nice and easy, and, uh...
Just nice and slow.
Just nice.
Slow.
Yeah.
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
(WAVES CRASHING
AND BIRDS SQUAWKING)
(POP)
(SPLAT)
(SQUISH)
(TAPPING)
(CLANK)
(THUMPING)
(DOOR LOCK CLUNKING)
(DOOR CREAKS)
(HISSES, GROWLS)
(BANG)
(CREATURE HISSING)
(THUD)
(CREATURE HISSING)
(SNIFFING)
(CREATURE MUNCHING)
(PHONE BUZZES)
(GROWLS)
(PHONE BUZZES)
(PANTS)
(PHONE BUZZES)
(THUD)
(WHEEZING)
DOUG: Oh, hey!
(GRUNTING)
(GROWLS)
(YELLS)
(CREATURE WHEEZING)
(THUDDING)
Ah!
(LEAVES RUSTLING)
WOMAN 1: (ON PHONE) Did you
get her something yet?
DOUG: Not yet. Uh...
WOMAN 1: (ON PHONE) Of course
you haven't.
I have a lot on my hands
right now.
WOMAN 1: (ON PHONE) Oh yeah?
Yeah.
WOMAN 1: (ON PHONE) Okay.
Is that why you can't pick
up any of my phone calls?
Hello?
I-- I just can't right now.
I'm just really busy,
so I-- I can't.
WOMAN 1: (ON PHONE)
Busy with what, Doug?
Sittin' in that house
and gettin' f*cking high
all day.
I'm with someone
and we're in the middle
of somethin', so I can't.
(WOMAN CHUCKLING)
I just-- I gotta go.
Okay? Uh, bye.
WOMAN 1: (ON PHONE)
Are you pretendin'
to have a girlfriend
right now?
Look
we gotta, like,
come to some
sort of agreement here, okay?
I gotta be able to trust you
and you gotta be able
to trust me.
Trust.
Otherwise, I don't think
this is gonna work out.
And you're probably scared.
I'm scared.
You know, it's
new territory for me.
But as scary as it is...
(SIGHS)
As scary as it is,
I just gotta say...
I don't know how to say this,
so I'm just gonna say it.
You're kinda making me
feel some things, okay?
Yeah, I know it's-- it's,
like, really wrong or whatever
and it's weird,
and it's probably not good,
but, you know, here I am,
feelin' it.
I don't know why,
I don't know how.
I don't even know what it is.
It's not sexual or anything.
And I'm not into God
or anything like that.
Like, a realist.
But when I saw you,
I just thought of all
the places on the planet
of all the days and times
there we both
were ready to go.
It's like I could
feel it coming.
It's like it was destiny.
What do you think about that?
Yeah.
It's kind of a methy,
stripper name, but--
(SCOFFS)
Hell, welcome to Florida.
I only wanna dance
with you
When I don't,
my heart is blue
Don't want my kicks
From someone else
Can't watch the sunrise
all by myself
My sweetheart
When are you coming home
I only wanna sleep
in your arms
So I can keep you safe
from harm
I tiptoe around
So I don't wake you up
We roll around
in forget-me-nots
My darling
Don't let it burn alone
I only wanna dance with you
Only with you
Only with, only with you
Only with, only with you
I used to lay here
with my mom like this.
She, uh, she smoked too much.
She's just gone one day.
Only woman in my life
just, uh, gone.
Well, you know,
unless you count Tina,
Layla's mom.
We only had sex once.
You believe that?
That's all it took.
First and only time.
I was at a bar.
She was there
with her friends,
and they kept, like, pushing
her into me.
It was like a joke.
She said that I turned her on
'cause I looked like a kid.
So, I brought her back here,
and, uh, Dad was passed out
in his wheelchair.
Just drunk in front of the TV.
Yeah.
Went in my room, and, uh,
I was-- I was loud,
you know, having sex,
'cause I guess I wanted him
to hear me.
You know, like,
I wanted him to hear me
so he knew I was a person.
A normal person,
just doing what people do.
I can't even talk to
my daughter anymore.
She's started to look at me
just like everybody else does.
She's, like, embarrassed.
(GRUNTING)
Oh, okay.
All right.
Grouchy girl.
Okay, let's get you set up.
(Objects clatter)
(WHEELCHAIR CLUNKING)
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
(CAR DOOR SHUTS)
(TRUNK CREAKS)
(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)
(WHEELCHAIR CLUNKING)
DOUG: Hey.
(CLUNK)
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
(MUSIC PLAYING
AND KIDS YELLING IN DISTANCE)
DOUG: Um, okay. Are you sure?
(CHUCKLES)
DOUG: Well, I-- you know,
I wish you would have
told me sooner,
but obviously, uh,
it was pretty fast.
So, not ready,
you're not ready.
And, uh, last thing I wanna do
is try to f--
MAN 3: You out already?
Hi.
Oh-- ah, I thought
I left it in the car.
It was in my pocket.
Cargo. The cargo pocket.
(CHUCKLES)
This the, uh, the lucky lady?
Destiny, right?
Yeah, uh...
Uh-huh. Yeah.
She doesn't speak English,
so...
Yeah, Tina mentioned that.
It's, uh, it's exotic.
I get it. I dig it. It's fun.
Where's she from?
Huh? Uh...
The Atlantic.
She's from the-- little--
a little place
in the Atlantic.
It's, like, uh,
south of Atlantic.
Miami?
DOUG: South of, uh...
Key West.
I can't remember.
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, rough area.
Really rough area.
That's also why
she's paralyzed.
Oh Jesus, Doug.
Yeah, I know.
It's, uh, not good
'cause of, um...
Gangs.
There are gangs there,
and you know,
there was a drive-by,
so they got her.
Yeah, it's brutal,
as you can see.
Well, I actually can't see
'cause...
Huh?
MAN 3: You're kinda
blockin' her there.
Oh.
Uh...
Yeah.
Just spin her around
a little bit.
DOUG: All right.
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
Oh, there she is.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
DOUG: I made that
for your grandma
when she was in the hospital.
She, uh, hated
the medical bracelets.
Said they kept reminding her
she was dying.
So, I made her that
to remind her of life!
Yeah, you know, just, uh,
keep fighting, you know?
No matter what it takes,
keep goin'.
That's what it's all about.
Thanks.
Layla.
(QUICK RECEDING FOOTFALLS)
(WOMAN CLEARS THROAT)
WOMAN 1: Doug, can I talk
to you for a second?
Private.
Now?
You'll be fine
for a few minutes, okay?
(DRINK POURING)
Okay.
What the f*ck, Doug?
-Uh...
-Like, what the f*ck?
Oh, um, I can give you guys
back the 200.
-I just thought that--
-The 200?
That was, like, a better--
You really think I'm talkin'
about your shitty little gift
right now?
Are you that f*ck' far gone?
Clearly, you are.
-Okay.
-Wow.
Then what-- hey,
can we just, like, relax for--
Relax? You want me to relax?
Those are children, Doug.
I play tennis with over half
the moms at the country club.
Do you realize what
this is gonna do to us?
What?
I don't know what
you're talkin' about.
I haven't done anything, so...
WOMAN 1: Oh my God!
You're one of those people.
You're one of those
crazy f*ck' people.
What happened, Doug?
I mean, I knew it was bad,
but this is some f*ck'
Dateline sh*t.
I'm on a f*ck'
Dateline episode right now.
I mean, she looks horrible.
She looks like she was burnin'
a power plant or some sh*t.
I don't think you're really
graspin'
how disturbing this is.
Yeah, I know she's
not the easiest on the eyes,
but it's...
You won't even
give her a chance.
WOMAN 1: Oh my God!
(WOMAN CHUCKLING)
-WOMAN 1: Oh...
Yeah, you won't even--
-Did you even say hello?
-WOMAN 1: ...my God.
I didn't see it.
I mean, do you f*ck that?
Don't answer that.
DOUG: Okay.
I don't wanna be here if
we're not both welcome, so...
But I'm gonna go talk
to Layla before I go.
I don't give a f*ck
what you do, Doug.
And I-- you know, I--
Never mind.
MAN 3: He's been like this
for a long time.
He's just sick, sweetie.
And he has been for a while.
We've all known it.
And sick people
just need help.
They need smart doctors
and medicine.
(GIRL WHINING)
-MAN 3: And you know what?
We're gonna get him
all of that.
The smartest doctors in town.
GIRL: But...
I, uh...
I cried in front of my friends
so bad.
MAN 3: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Everyone cries.
It feels good to cry.
And you know what?
You had every right to.
It's your party,
you can cry if you want.
You ever heard that song?
Oh, it's a classic.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)
(SCREAMING)
Get the f*ck
out of my house!
Come on, baby.
You got this, okay?
Just 40 minutes.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
DOUG: Just stay with me.
(CAR REVVING)
DOUG: We're almost there.
(INSECTS CHIRPING
IN BACKGROUND)
DOUG: Okay. Almost there.
Get you in the tub.
What a f*cking day.
(GROWLS)
DOUG: Settle down.
We're at home.
I'm just gonna
put you right here.
(THUNDER RUMBLING IN DISTANCE)
(SHUTS AND LOCKS DOOR)
(THUNDER RUMBLING IN DISTANCE)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(GROWLS)
(THUDDING)
(CREATURE GROWLING)
(CREATURE ROARING)
(DOUG GRUNTING)
(GROWLING)
(YELLING)
(SHRIEKING)
(YELLING)
(BANG)
(CREATURE GROWLING)
Hey, no!
(ROARS)
-(YELLS)
-(PAN CLANGING)
-(GROWLS)
-(PAN CLANGING)
(YELLS)
Get out of here!
Hey!
(PAN CLANGING)
-Sorry, just...
-(PAN CLANGING)
I don't wanna hurt you,
but you can't be here!
(GROWLS)
Let's go!
(PAN CLANGING)
(GROWLING)
-(PAN CLANGING)
-DOUG: Hey, hello!
-(PAN CLANGING)
-No more room! Let's go!
(PAN CLANGING)
Don't make me feel bad
for you!
Get out of here!
(PAN CLANGING)
Come on!
(HAMMERING)
(POUNDING)
So, um, whose family do
you think is worse, huh?
Okay, yeah, you know,
I-- I get it.
I get it. I messed up.
I really messed up.
I just reacted poorly,
and I'm sorry.
I was just trying to defend
myself,
and yeah, I'm not proud of it,
but that's what happened.
You know, honestly, I was also
trying to defend you
because you're still healing.
Can you just look at me?
f*ck.
(PLATE CLINKS)
(SIGHS)
(HISSES)
(YELLS)
(HISSES, PANTS)
You're a fish.
I'm talking to a f*ck' fish.
You wanna go? Just go.
(PANTS)
DOUG: You don't need me.
(GATE CREAKING)
(CARS WHOOSHING)
...is growing thin
(TIRES SCREECHING)
There's no warning signs
when your life comes so fast
And these are dark days
here, but you know--
(RON AND GATOR
YELLING IN DISTANCE)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
-RON: Hey.
-GATOR: Yeah.
-RON: Hey.
-GATOR: Yes.
RON: You gotta be quick
about this one.
GATOR: Yes, sir.
RON: Daddy's got
some phone calls to make.
GATOR: Hey, Dougy, Dougy,
Dougy, Dougy?
(GATOR WHISTLING)
GATOR: Holy sh*t.
Holy sh*t.
Daddy!
RON: (INDISTINCT SPEECH)
goddammit!
GATOR: f*ck, this b*tch is--
You-- damn! Come on!
RON: Come on, son!
I'm f*ck' tryin'!
RON: Goddammit!
f*ck!
(WATER DRIPPING)
(WAVES CRASHING)
(MAN SIGHING ON PHONE)
MAN 3: (ON PHONE) She's not
ready to talk, Doug.
Neither of them are.
We're confused here. We're...
DOUG: I know.
MAN 3: (ON PHONE) It's--
it's a lot to process.
DOUG:
Can you, uh....
(DOUG SNIFFLES)
DOUG: Can you just tell her
I'm sorry?
(MAN SIGHING ON PHONE)
Please?
MAN 3: (ON PHONE) Yeah.
I can do that.
(SOBS)
And that goes to
you guys as well.
MAN 3: (ON PHONE) Doug, look,
we wanna help you.
Okay?
Get you clean,
and out of this.
But you gotta play ball here,
right?
I mean, you gotta take
some resp--
(BOTTLE RATTLES)
(DOUG VOMITING)
RON: (ON VOICEMAIL) Hey,
it is Ron.
You know what to do.
(BEEP)
RON: (ON VOICEMAIL)
Hey, it is Ron.
-(THUMP)
-f*ck!
(THUMPING)
f*ck' b*stard!
f*ck!
(THUMPING)
(RINGING TONE)
RON: (ON VOICEMAIL) Hey,
It is Ron.
f*ck!
RON: (ON VOICEMAIL) You know
what to do.
(BEEP)
(KEYS JANGLING)
(SIGHS)
WOMAN 1: Hey, Doug.
MAN 3: Um, you gave me
a little scare
with that phone call earlier.
Um...
So we just wanna stop by
and check in on you.
And also,
Layla wrote something
she would like you to hear.
DOUG: Okay, uh, do we ha--
do we have to do this
right now, guys? Really?
Doug, you're gonna
let her read it, okay?
We know you're busy.
DOUG: Okay, uh,
I can't right now.
I know how that sounds.
I-- I just--
LAYLA: Daddy, please.
I wrote you a poem. I...
(PAPER RUSTLING)
...wrote it on the card
you gave me.
WOMAN 1: Which was some pretty
disturbin' sh*t, by the way.
Okay, Tina.
That's not helping.
Go ahead, honey.
Doug, you wanna sit down?
DOUG: No, okay? I-- I can't.
I rea-- I gotta go.
-Okay?
-LAYLA: Daddy.
Can you sit down?
(SIGHS)
-Um...
-Okay, stand up.
Okay, it's called "I'm sorry".
DOUG: Layla, please.
Okay, you don't have
to do this right now, right?
LAYLA: "My daddy should
carry me on his shoulders,
but I realize he can't
as I've gotten older."
Layla, please.
"I'm the one who carries him,
The dad who taught me
how to swim,
he's drowning deeper
every day,
Mom's run out of words to say,
but not me."
It's okay, baby. Go on.
LAYLA: "I'm sorry that
he's feeling pain,
I'm sorry that he's
filled with shame.
I'm sorry that his
dad was mean,
sorry that he used to scream.
I'm sorry that he went away
before my daddy got to say,
he's to blame for
all the shame,
he's the reason for his pain.
But, Daddy, something's
gotta change,
you're driving Mom
and Keith insane.
I love you, but you run away,
and I really need you here
to stay."
(LAYLA SOBS)
MAN 3: We're here, Doug.
You gotta make a decision
right now, okay?
Yeah.
Layla,
that was amazing.
Yeah.
That was-- that was better
than anything
I've ever written.
As soon as Daddy gets back...
LAYLA: Daddy, no. No, no!
No, we can talk about
all this, okay?
-DOUG: Yes.
-LAYLA: Daddy, no!
Doug.
-LAYLA: No!
-DOUG: No.
-DOUG: No, no, no, no, no, no.
-LAYLA: No!
-DOUG: It's okay.
-LAYLA: No.
-TINA: I don't think--
-DOUG: Shh!
It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay.
All right?
It's fine.
I love you.
LAYLA: Take it.
I don't want it.
-Doug, what...
-MAN 3: Where you going, Doug?
-TINA: Doug.
-LAYLA: Daddy, don't go!
-MAN 3: Doug.
-TINA: Doug.
LAYLA: Why?
Why can't you just stay?
'Cause Daddy's gotta
go save a f*ck' mermaid.
(DOOR OPENS)
-What?
-Oh my God.
Hello?
(ZIPPER ZIPS)
(PAPER RUSTLING)
That's f*cking weird.
Yep.
I'm so hungover.
I have spare Adderall
in my shoe.
Yeah.
Get it.
(ZIPPER ZIPS)
(MAN SIGHS)
MAN 2: Listen, I--
I don't wanna be this guy,
but my girls are being paid
by the hour here, brother.
RON: That was your end
of the deal, not mine.
I don't even know
why they're part of this.
You wanted presentation.
You wanted a show.
And that's what
I'm giving you.
It's-- it's about comfort.
It's about the buildup.
It's about the vibe.
And you really think that when
they leave here,
they're gonna be thinkin'
about your trashy-a*s girls
or the f*ck' vibe?
I think I know entertainment,
and I think I know how to rock
the socks off
a f*ck' audience.
I think that's why you
came to me, right?
No offense, Ron,
but right now,
you're losin' them.
I say f*ck the no-shows.
f*ck 'em.
Let them be sorry
they missed it.
Let these vultures
fight over their sh*t.
Come on.
Their dicks are gettin' soft.
You know better than this.
All right.
Okay.
Now we're talkin'.
-Let's do a bumpski.
-RON: Okay.
Kick this sh*t off.
It's yours.
You know, it's smooth.
RON: Yeah.
(SNORTS)
f*ck.
(GRUNTS)
MAN 2: You were thirsty,
brother.
(SNIFFLES)
f*ck.
All right. f*ck it. (SNORTS)
Mic's hot.
Let's give 'em a show.
(KEY CLUNKS)
Come on!
(GOLF CART WHIRRING)
(TASER ZAPPING)
I wanna thank all y'all
for comin' out here tonight
on such short notice.
We sort of threw this thing
together real quick,
so thank you.
Thank you for
bearin' with us here.
I just want to say that, uh,
some of y'all are my friends.
Others are associates that
I've sold some party favors
to over the years,
if you get my drift.
(CHUCKLES)
And, uh...
Well, anyway, uh,
the rest of you,
I've-- I've only admired
from afar.
And, uh, I just want
to tell you
how much it means to me
that I have
some of the most powerful men
in the Sunshine State
in one room.
MAN 5: Ron.
RON: Yeah.
What the f*ck are
we doin' here, man?
Well, that's a good question.
You're like,
"Why has this m*therf*cker
brought me out here
in this shitty-a*s titty bar
on a Tuesday night?
Well, all that is
about to be revealed.
But first, let me
ask you a question.
What do you give to a man
who has it all?
(POP)
She knows how to rock
(CAP RATTLES)
See my baby
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
(GULPS)
She knows how to rock
I want you to bear in mind
that this room could be filled
with the top marine biologists
in the country,
maybe even the world,
holdin' up their little
nerdy notepads,
askin' us how we did it.
Walter Disney himself,
who let me tell you right now,
is rollin' in his grave
because he missed out
on this sh*t.
But you know what?
He's dead.
And the scientists?
Well, they weren't
f*ck' invited!
(CHUCKLES)
RON: Okay.
Bring up the bubbles!
Let's get her wet, brother.
(WALKIE-TALKIE BEEPS)
Copy, copy, here she comes.
You ready, baby girl?
(GRUNTS)
(GOLF CART WHIRRING)
What's good, Doug?
Hey, I gotta--
I gotta get inside, okay?
Nah, dog, I can't.
Skip's doin'
some private event.
Think it's like some
sex sh*t or somethin'.
Oh sh*t!
Come on, stand up, all right?
Let's go, come on.
f*ck.
Sorry, dog.
Uh...
GUARD: I'm not droppin'
my weed, Doug.
f*ck you, Doug.
f*ck' weirdo.
(STRIPPER CHUCKLING)
GUARD: Yo, he's f*ck' crazy.
DOUG: Sit down, all right?
Sit down!
Call the cops.
Skip said no cops.
Doug, what the f*ck
are you doing?
Okay, uh...
How many guys are in there?
I-- I don't know. Like, 10.
And the scary guy
in the tank room.
What are they doing?
-What are they doing?
-I don't know!
It's, like, an auction
or a charity event
or some sh*t.
We had to sign NDAs.
Shut up! (INDISTINCT SPEECH)
DOUG: I'm goin' in there.
No, f*ck you.
You're gonna get us all fired.
Like you got get me fired?
For writing you
a f*cking poem?
f*ck you, Trixie!
RON: Gentlemen,
feast your eyes
and grab onto your sacks,
because you're about to
witness aquatic history!
RON: Come on, now.
That ain't a f*ck' dolphin.
That's a real f*ck' deal.
This is history in the makin',
y'all.
Come on now.
Don't insult me, fellas.
Let's go.
(TAKES A DRAG)
It's all wrong
But it's all right
(TAKES A DRAG)
The way I feel
when I'm with you
DOUG: No!
Stop!
Stop!
Get up.
Get up now!
GATOR: You sure
that's what you want?
DOUG: Yeah, get up right now!
GATOR: John f*ck'
McClane now, huh?
DOUG: Put your hands
on your head!
Okay, Douglas.
It's all wrong
(g*nsh*t)
But feels so right
(THUD)
RON: Come on, fellas!
Groove with me.
(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
Come on!
GATOR: Oh, you better
think quick, dude.
I get them darts
from Russia in bulk.
It only takes about
three minutes
to k*ll a full-grown
polar bear.
And about a minute
for a gator.
(THUDDING)
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
So, you really went
through all my sh*t, man, huh?
Really?
(g*n HAMMER CLICKS)
GATOR: You do know that's
my airsoft g*n, don't you?
You rest your head
Yeah.
(THUD)
On my pillow
f*ck' dipshit.
I fall asleep
You feel that accuracy
in your neck, hmm?
Hmm.
State ranked b*tch,
four years runnin'.
(g*nshots)
Oh!
(CHUCKLES)
GATOR: Yeah, that's right,
boy.
You know, Daddy
did always tell me
you got the dumb
from your mama.
He said she was dumb as sh*t.
But her t*ts were nice enough
to keep coming back for her.
Big, beefy naturals.
Town f*ck' pumps.
Whoa, hey,
don't get me started, player.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh.
Well, I guess Daddy was right,
you do take after your mama.
You know,
this kinda reminds me
of last night.
with your little friend
down there.
Uh, I just had to...
But you know what I'm
talkin' about, don't you?
Come on, we're
a couple Eskimo brothers.
To be by my side
With help from each other
(WALKIE-TALKIE BEEPS)
GATOR: Yeah, I had a little,
uh, company up here,
but, um, I took care of it.
Who?
(WALKIE-TALKIE BEEPS)
GATOR: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
Doug Nelson.
sh*t.
RON: Come on. Come on.
You got more money, man.
(WALKIE-TALKIE BEEPS)
RON: Let's go.
What do you say, fellas?
We're groovin' now.
Chill the f*ck out.
I didn't say I
k*lled the f*ck.
I said I took care of him.
Hit him with a tranq
right in the...
(WALKIE-TALKIE BEEPS)
I hope I will find
You got anything stronger?
GATOR: m*therf*cker!
(TASER ZAPPING
AND GATOR GRUNTING)
MAN 2: What the f*ck
did I say?
I had one thing.
No one gets in here.
No one gets in here.
Someone got in here.
That's on you.
Now I got a f*cking
mess on my hands.
TRIXI: Yeah, you do.
What's that supposed to mean?
RON: All right, come on.
We're groovin' here, fellas.
Don't tease me, fellas.
Come on.
1.5 million.
Come on, fellas.
Oh.
Well, that ain't good.
(ROARS)
(DESTINY GROWLING)
What the f*ck?
(GATOR SCREAMING)
Oh, f*ck it.
God damn it.
(SPLASH)
(GROWLS)
(DESTINY MUNCHING)
I'm sorry.
Like a candle
in the darkness
Baby, your love
Is a lie
MAN 6: 2 mil.
Cash.
Tonight.
Um...
Sold. Uh...
Skip, can you, uh...
Can you help Mr. Morris
with the paperwork?
Yeah.
Actually, I think everyone's
gonna need to sign somethin'.
There's a place
for unfaithful lovers
(RON SIGHS)
Unfaithful lovers like me
I cried for you today
(SLURPS)
A million miles away
For I'm living
on the isle of misery
Days are long
and the nights are so lonely
Oh, what I'd give
just to be
In your heart once more
RON: Oh, good.
Good, good, good.
Well, none of this
is good, actually.
I guess the money's good,
though, right?
Yeah, the money's good.
But you know what I mean?
Do you know what I mean?
It...
...could have been good.
Could have been just fine.
You could have lived out
your sad little life,
and I could have
lived out mine.
How's that for a f*ck' poem,
Dougy?
(LAUGHS)
Yeah, yeah,
but I'm glad you're awake.
Yeah, I'm glad you're awake
So you could see
what I plan on doing to you.
(SNORTS)
Pooh!
(SIGHS)
Don't you wanna know what
I plan on doing to you,
Dougy?
(SNIFFLES)
Huh?
Don't you wanna know
what I plan on doing to you?
All right.
I'm gonna take you way
out into the water.
Then, I'm gonna sh**t you
right in the back of the head.
Boom!
(LAUGHS)
Did someone ever say goodbye
to someone
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm gonna sh**t you
in the d*ck first.
So you can feel it.
Like my boy felt it.
Yeah.
You know, I never--
I've never k*lled a man
before.
Uh, not that you're quite
a man, but-- but a person.
You know what I mean.
I've roughed a guy up
a couple times, but it's--
It's never been
this necessary.
Yeah.
(SNIFFLES, SIGHS)
Your daddy would k*ll me.
Yeah, because I kinda...
I got these butterflies
in my belly.
(RON CHUCKLES)
I'm really kinda
f*ck' excited.
(SNIFFLES)
RON: Yeah.
Yep.
(SNIFFLES)
Let's play.
All gassed up
and ready to go
Layin' low in Mexico
(GRUNTS)
When I needed you most
Oh, you never were there
When I wanted to kiss you
And hold you ever so close
You were never around
When I needed you most
(BOTTLE RATTLING)
(LAUGHS)
(CRIES)
(DOOR OPENS)
(RON PANTS)
...how I feel
To someone who hurt me
RON: Well,
you sneaky little f*ck!
(THUMP)
(RON GRUNTS)
(CORK SQUEAKS AND POPS)
(RON GULPING)
Someday you'll be lonely
(RON GRUNTING)
(KEYS JANGLING)
(RON GRUNTS AND PANTS)
(RON GRUNTING)
(PANTS)
You see that big bad a*s boat
over there?
Huh?
That's the Sorcha.
That's the...
That's the biggest boat
in town.
That's where...
That's where your
little fishy gal is right now.
I thought...
I thought you were
a kinky b*stard,
but you know what that guy
who bought her,
what's he gonna do to her?
You are not gonna
believe this.
He said he's not gonna
f*ck her.
He's not even gonna kiss her.
He's gonna eat her.
(CHUCKLES)
He's gonna eat her
raw and slow.
Ah.
I mean, think about that.
Talk about disposable income.
(SIGHS, GROANS)
I think it's about--
it's about
dinner time right now.
What do you, little man?
You ready?
I've been ready
for a long time.
How about you?
Ah.
(g*n HAMMER CLICKS)
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
DOUG: You sure?
You're walkin' a little funny
just now.
I found your stash, Ron.
Green bag.
When you ingest
a large amount of heroin,
it only takes--
(RON AND DOUG GRUNTING)
(g*nsh*t)
(THUD)
(RON GRUNTING)
(GAGGING)
(RON GROANS)
(SPLASH)
(GAGGING)
Looks like I finally
found my feet!
(GRUNTING)
(SPLASH)
(DRINK POURING)
(SNIFFS)
(GAGS)
(GULPS)
Mm-hmm.
(DRINK POURING)
(BOTTLE CLINKS)
(ICE RATTLES)
Buen provecho, Seor.
Wait, can you remove that,
um...
Of course.
Of course.
(DESTINY SNARLS)
(LAUGHS)
CHEF: Is there anything else
I can get you, sir?
Some olive oil
or music, perhaps?
No, the ocean sounds
just fine.
CHEF: Of course.
Please enjoy.
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
(DESTINY ROARING)
(GROWLS)
(MUNCHES)
(DESTINY WHINING)
(SHRIEKS)
(SCREAMS)
Oh! Oh!
Ch-- Chuy!
Chuy, get back out here!
No me gusta.
(DESTINY SHRIEKING)
MR. MORRIS: Chuy! Hey!
Put that thing back in.
(DESTINY SHRIEKING)
(GAGGING)
(PANTS)
MR. MORRIS: Jesus,
why did that take so long?
I'm sorry, sir. Truly.
MR. MORRIS: No, no, no.
Don't...
Don't apologize.
It was my mistake.
I'm sorry that I thought
I could give the crew
a day off,
and that you could
prepare my dinner on your own,
but...
(CUTLERY CLINKING)
CHUY: It won't happen again.
How does it taste?
Chewy.
Si, Seor.
MR. MORRIS: No, it--
it tastes chewy.
You know, it's bland.
Um, can you get me
some olive oil?
And maybe that, uh,
that salsa that you made?
CHUY: Of course.
MR. MORRIS: Just bring 'em
both.
Can I help you?
Ah!
You're the, uh,
guy who made that big mess
last night, right?
I got all your money.
It's right here.
(THUD)
MR. MORRIS: Oh.
(CUTLERY CLINKING)
What's your name?
Doug.
MR. MORRIS: Doug.
Okay, Doug.
I'm gonna try to
explain this as best I can.
I always say that to guys who
look
and carry themselves like you
because, you know,
this is goin' to go fast.
And you need to do your best
to try to keep up with me.
Okay, Doug?
You know, I-- I've been around
this globe numerous times.
I've slept everywhere that
a man could possibly sleep.
I f*cked everything that
a man could possibly f*ck.
And until last night,
well, I thought I
had eaten everything.
Think I get it.
Don't interrupt me, please.
Here's my point.
No matter how many places
I've been,
I always manage to come back
to Florida.
Do you wanna
know why that is?
Not really.
MR. MORRIS: Yeah,
it's the only place on earth
that can still kinda
surprise me.
You know, one night you
could be in a porta potty,
snortin' PCP
out of some young P
uerto Rican guy's as*h*le
who can't afford
to pay the rent.
And then two nights later,
you could be sittin'
on a beautiful boat,
watching the sun go down,
feasting on a-- a mermaid
who tastes like sh*t.
(GAGS)
MR. MORRIS: And then a guy
like you shows up.
He's got a bag of money
and a loaded g*n.
And, well,
I have no idea
what happens next.
And that's what makes me
keep coming back.
Chuy, can you show
this man off of my boat?
Chuy.
(g*n HAMMER CLICKS)
MR. MORRIS: Chuy.
Lo siento.
(CHUCKLES)
Okay.
(PANTS)
MR. MORRIS: I'll tell you
what, um,
you can keep the money,
no strings.
You can go out
and you can buy yourself
some f*ck' jet skis, okay?
Whatever it is you people
waste your money on.
And, um, if you wanna
sh**t me,
why don't you just go ahead
and f*ck' do it already,
all right?
You know, spare me all this
melodramatic f*cking bullshit.
Wow.
(MR. MORRIS CLAPPING)
Good dog.
He listens and he learns.
He can communicate.
So can they.
(CREATURE GROWLING)
m*therf*cker.
(SNARLS)
(MR. MORRIS GRUNTING,
SCREAMING)
(SCREAMS)
(SNARLS)
(SCREAMING)
(SNARLS)
(SCREAMING)
(HISSES)
(CREATURE GROWLING
AND MR. MORRIS GROANING)
(CREATURE SHRIEKING)
(MR. MORRIS GROANS)
f*cking Florida.
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Mermaid (2025)
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