01x20 - The Easy Way Out

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Beeping)

♪ Something tells me

I’ve been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was

never real ♪

♪ It’s seems I’ve changed

a thousand ways ♪

♪ I wish I looked

the way I feel ♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Braceface

(Screaming)

Ooh, that’s got to hurt.

It does ache a little.

It’s going to leave a major

scar.

You really think so?

What are you talking about?

You’re not even watching!

This!

Sharon, it’s just a cold

sore.

It’ll go away eventually.

Eventually?

My one month anniversary with

Alden is coming up!

If he sees me like this he won’t

stick around to celebrate.

Yeah, well any guy who dumps

someone over a cold sore isn’t

worth it.

ANNOUNCER: Does he really

love you?

Can he ever love you?

Will he ever even like you?

Call Madame Lafaux, world

renowned psychic, for the

answers you’re dying to know.

Call 555-0191.

First minute free, $1.00 a

minute after that.

Oh, please.

What a joke?

(Dialling)

What are you doing?

First minute free, right?

Hello, Madame Lafaux?

My name is Sharon Spitz!

Ria!

(Screaming)

Will my cold sore go away by

Monday?

(Murmuring)

Thanks.

She says yes.

What a phony.

Look at it!

There is no way this thing could

be gone by then.

I’ll be lucky if I don’t have it

by the time I start college.

So, remember, the final math

exam is just over a week away.

It’s worth 50 percent of your

grade so study, study, study.

Is it really that bad?

Worse than bad.

Stop light red with gooey stuff

leaking out.

Enough, I get the picture.

So, you guys started studying

for the exam yet?

I have a date with my algebra

book tonight.

(Flatulence sounding)

(Laughing)

The last person I want to end up

like is Brock!

Remember last year when he only

scored 29 out of 100?

SHARON: How did he survive

the embarrassment?

(Flatulence sounding)

BROCK: Oops, sorry.

Real one!

(Laughing)

I don’t think that’s a

problem for him.

SHARON: If it was me I’d die!

I mean the scores are posted

right in the hall for the whole

world to see.

(Groaning)

Thanks for reminding me.

Will you give it up?

You always act all worried and

then you pull off these amazing

grades.

Sharon, on the other hand.

What?

You never worry and, well,

maybe you should.

Hey, this year I’ve got

everything under control.

I’ve come up with an intense yet

manageable study plan.

I remember last year’s

approach.

A half an hour running with your

dogs.

SHARON: What’s wrong with

staying fit while you study?

MARIA: Then about two hours

of sitcoms.

SHARON: It’s important to

laugh before doing anything as

serious as studying.

MARIA: Some personal

grooming.

SHARON: What?

I’m going to let myself go just

because I have an exam?

MARIA: Finally, a little

studying before bed.

SHARON: Exactly, and I was

very well rested for the exam at

the end of the week.

Remember?

It’s a miracle you passed.

SHARON: Well this year it’s

different.

Three hours of straight studying

per night starting one week

before the exam.

I just have to follow my

schedule and I’m guaranteed to

ace it.

(Gasping)

Quick hide me!

What are you doing?

We’ve got to go.

MARIA: Connor and I are

getting extra tutoring.

Hey, Sharon.

(Gasping)

What’s with the scarf?

Uh, it’s freezing in here!

What are you talking about?

It’s, like, 90 degrees.

SHARON: Look away, Alden!

Avert your eyes!

Why you look great.

A bit sweaty, maybe, but great.

SHARON: I couldn’t believe

it, my cold sore was gone.

If the psychic could predict

that, what else could she

predict?

(Doorbell ringing)

Ma’am, I’m here to tell you

about a remarkable new line of

beauty products.

Why these little jars could make

all your wrinkles disappear.

They could get rid of those

puffy under the eye bags too.

(Grunting)

Thanks for your time.

MARIA: "And if one woman

weighs 200 pounds, and the

other woman weighs half that,

who will get the taco stand

first?"

How did she know?

How did she know it was a

taco stand?

How did she know my cold sore

would go away?

Maybe she knew, maybe she

didn’t.

I mean she had a 50 50 chance of

being right.

(Grunting)

How’s the new job going?

At this rate?

It’ll be the next millennium

before I can buy that SUV.

MARIA: Maybe sales isn’t your

forte.

Nothing’s his forte.

Hey, I’ve had plenty of jobs.

And none of them have lasted

more than a week.

Due to circumstances beyond

my control.

Excuse me.

Do the words car wash ring a

bell?

(Cheering)

(Laughing)

(Laughing)

I’ve always wanted to try

that.

Uh, yeah, sure.

Pick the worst example on my

employment record.

How about the ice cream

parlour?

(Chewing)

ALL: Ew.

Uh, just doing a taste test.

BOY: Uh, gross.

So it’s taken me a while to

find my forte, but I’ve found

it.

Are you really prepared to

spend your working days wearing

a pink lab coat?

This job is just my backup,

okay?

I’m going to make my real

fortune playing the stock

market.

SHARON: Right.

(Laughing)

I’m serious!

We’re doing this project in

school on the internet, I’ve

made millions.

Just without real money.

Don’t suppose you’d like to, uh,

lend me a hundred bucks, maybe?

Watch me turn it into a

thousand?

(Laughing)

JOSH: Use your own money.

I can’t!

Why not?

Simple, I don’t have any.

If I had real money to play with

we’d never go hungry again.

We’ve never gone hungry.

I was painting a picture.

So, you in?

Forget it!

(Chewing)

If you had a credit card you

could get a cash advance.

Who would give me a credit

card?

Heh, no one.

But I heard about a kid who

applied for one using his dog’s

name.

Pfft, that’s crazy.

(Screaming)

Moishe!

Moishe?

Moishe Spitz.

(Laughing)

Look at this, Adam.

Even the cat’s are getting mail.

(Laughing)

Yes!

Thank you, Mr. Spitz.

(Meowing)

SHARON: Okay, so I was

somewhat distracted.

But, no wonder, with just days

left before our anniversary,

Alden hadn’t even mentioned it.

What if he’d forgotten?

ANNOUNCER: For the answers

you’re dying to know call

555-0191.

First minute free, $1.00 a

minute after that!

(Dialling)

Hello, Madame Lafaux?

I have this boyfriend.

MADAME LAFAUX: Oh, I know.

You do?

Of course you do.

Can you tell me if our

relationship has a future?

Oh, absolument.

A bright future.

SHARON: Really?

I see a very important day

coming up.

Yes, this Wednesday is our

one month anniversary.

Oh, one month?

That is serious.

(Screaming)

Will he remember?

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, oui.

Will he ask me out?

MADAME LAFAUX: But of course!

Yes, yes, yes!

(Laughing)

(Sighing)

Will we still be together in

high school?

MADAME LAFAUX: The stars say

it will be so.

Have I gone over a minute?

(Beeping)

Ooh, barely.

Will we still be together in

college?

Yes!

Check it out, Moishe, you’ve

already made a thousand bucks!

We’re going to be rich, we’re

going to be rich.

(Grumbling)

(Retching)

Gross.

(Meowing)

What do you say, Moishe?

Double or nothing?

(Laughing)

SHARON: And then she said

that once our careers were

established Alden and I would

have children.

A boy and a girl.

Mm, named Jackson and Matilda.

Matilda?

So you shorten it to Mattie.

Hey, Sharon.

Want to hang out Wednesday

night?

Sure.

Great.

I’ll come by your house around

7.

See, he remembered our

anniversary!

(Gasping)

Oh no, what am I going to wear?

Sharon, have you even started

studying?

Sure.

Well, not exactly.

If you don’t pass this exam

you could fail math.

Right, I’ll start studying

tonight.

Cross my heart.

(Grunting)

(Laughing)

Will he get me a present?

MADAME LAFAUX: Oh, yes.

What will it be?

Something--

(Flatulence sounding)

Very personal.

I always wanted his hockey

jacket.

Oh, oui oui oui.

I was just about to say that’s

what it was.

Wow!

So, where is he taking me?

(Screaming)

Jackson, Matilda, stop

splashing!

SHARON: Excuse me?

Uh, I said somewhere flashy.

SHARON: Okay, so maybe it

wasn’t exactly the romantic

evening I had in mind.

But still, it was flashy.

Madame Lafaux really had a

highly developed sixth sense.

(Crashing)

Isn’t this awesome?

Come on, let’s go check out that

new ninja game.

Wait, uh, this is for you.

What’s this for?

As if you didn’t know.

Cool!

SHARON: Happy one month

anniversary!

(Gulping)

Anniversary?

(Gasping)

For me?

Oh, Alden, how did you know?

Thank you, thank you!

(Kissing)

Uh, you’re welcome.

It was the best night ever.

The psychic was right about

everything.

"What’s the square root of

144?"

Um, I’m not sure.

"If a train travels at 75

miles per hour and it’s 15 miles

to the station, how long will it

take for the train to get

there?"

If you give me a minute.

"Bob’s dad is twice as old as

Bob, and together they’re 69

years old, how old is Bob?"

I--

CONNOR: "What is an isosceles

triangle?"

I don’t know!

MARIA: Sharon, the exam is

tomorrow!

Look around you!

Even Brock is taking this

seriously.

Oh no, I’m doomed.

Okay, sounds dumb, I know.

But up to that point I really

thought I had everything under

control.

And now, well, have you ever

had that dream where you’re

standing in front of the whole

class and you suddenly realize

you’re naked?

And there’s nothing you can do

about it?

That’s how I was feeling!

Like a naked idiot.

And this close to having an

anxiety attack.

Correction, attack was well

under way.

Must get out of here!

Okay, you’ll be fine.

Uh, breathe deeply.

(Sighing)

Have a snack!

(Sucking)

Adam, what are you doing?

Nothing, I’m doing nothing.

(Gasping)

Your baby blankie, you were

sucking on your baby blankie.

Well, since when is that a

crime?

Okay, what have you done?

I don’t know what you’re

talking about.

Last time you sucked your

blankie you totalled Dad’s new

motorcycle without even leaving

the garage.

So?

So it’s your giveaway.

You know, the thing that you do

when you’ve done something

awful.

Still not talking, huh?

Then you leave me no choice.

(Screeching)

All right, I’ll tell you

everything.

I’ve been playing the stock

market with cash advances I got

from a credit card.

What credit card?

The one I took out in

Moishe’s name.

As in our cat Moishe?

At first I did really well.

But now, well, technically

speaking, we don’t own our house

anymore.

(Gasping)

You realize you committed

fraud?

You could be thrown in jail.

We could all end up living on

the street.

You have to pay it back!

What am I going to do?

Okay, just, uh, stay calm.

Of course!

I know someone who can save us

both!

(Sucking)

Should he make more investments?

Do you know what he should buy

so he could make his money back?

I’m getting a picture.

I’m seeing dental floss.

And soap.

Dental floss and soap?

If you say so.

Well if that’s everything.

SHARON: It isn’t, I have this

math exam tomorrow and I

haven’t studied which is

terrible, I know, but can you

tell me how I might pass?

You think I can help you pass

a math exam?

Well can you?

Oh, Lou hand me 101 Psychic

Sounding Things to Say.

"Things will unfold as planned,

the answer shall seek you out.

Trust your instincts."

What does that mean?

Oh, je m’excuse, I’m getting

a strong feeling that the line’s

about to disconnect.

Humph.

(Dial tone sounding)

Boy, she is good.

(Chewing)

Good morning.

Eating a full breakfast is

important before a big exam,

don’t you think?

Cereal?

Uh-uh, I’ve been thinking

about what you told me last

night.

About the soap and floss?

I don’t know it’s pretty way

out.

Did you say a psychic is feeding

you this stuff?

I’m telling you she hasn’t

been wrong yet.

I’m off to ace this thing.

You’d better do what Madame

Lafaux said, Adam, or else we’re

all going to be sleeping in the

park.

Things will unfold as planned.

What did that mean?

I just had to wait and see and

the answer would present

itself?

CONNOR: Hey, Sharon, there

you are.

SHARON: Connor?

Was he my answer?

He was seeking me out, but why?

Oh no, was I supposed to cheat

off him?

Hey, dude.

Oh, yeah, right.

I forgot.

He lost his glasses and he needs

to see the board.

Uh, but!

Brock, was he my answer?

Impossible.

Okay, scholars, this is a

multiple choice exam.

You’ll have 60 minute to

complete it.

Best wishes, Brock.

(Laughing)

And...start!

SHARON: Trust your instincts.

Why did she have to be so darn

cryptic?

I guess she was telling me to

wing it.

You winged it?

(Sighing)

It was that or cheat off

Brock.

But I’m telling you I swear I

could feel the psychic’s energy

guiding my hand through the

whole test.

BOTH: Uh-huh.

BROCK: Woo-hoo, all right!

Yeah, woo-hoo!

What’s with him?

He got 51 percent.

Everybody ready to look at

their own marks now?

BOTH: All right!

(Sighing)

Wow, you did worse than Brock

did last year.

How is that possible?

(Laughing)

I can’t handle this.

It’s so humiliating.

I’m beginning to think Madame

Lafaux is a phony.

Oh, gee, you think so?

Are you calling me gullible?

BOTH: Yes.

Cheer up, I bet Mr. Herbie

will let you do a makeup exam if

you ask super nicely.

Right.

Just tell him you were under

major stress from some deeply

personal dilemma.

That always works with him.

ALDEN: Hey, Sharon, I got you

this for our monthiversary.

Alden, thank you.

I love it.

Really?

That’s great.

’Cause, well, I’d kind of like

my hockey jacket back.

It’s the only one I’ve got that

fits.

Oh, of course.

Thanks.

Listen, I have to get to band

practice.

Can I call you later tonight?

Sure.

Okay, you’re right.

The psychic’s a quack.

Which means if Adam did what I

told him to do they could be

taking him away in handcuffs as

we speak.

(Chewing)

Forget floss, forget soap,

forget everything the psychic

said!

Too late, I already did it.

Oh no!

And I broke even.

You what?

I broke even, we’re okay.

You mean, Madame Lafaux was

right?

Then maybe--

BOTH: Get a grip, Spitz!

Right.

Give me the card, Adam.

Wait a minute, her name was

Lafaux?

Doesn’t that sort of mean like

"fake" or "wrong" in French?

Exactly.

Never again.

There.

Now no one has to know how close

you came to spending the best

years of your life in the

slammer.

I hope you’ve learned your

lesson about money.

Okay, guys.

Someone have a lot of explaining

to do.

Who has been spending money we

don’t have?

I-I-I can explain!

$500 in phone calls to a

psychic hotline?

That would be Sharon.

(Knocking)

I have here a line of beauty

products.

(Sighing)

Okay, so it wasn’t the job of

my dreams but I had to pay the

money back somehow.

Ma’am, do you believe in

miracles?

Because I have here a line of

miracle beauty products.

Why, this cream will magically

help you shed those extra pounds

with absolutely no exercise.

Really?

It could really do that?

SHARON: I could’ve said yes,

but after what Madame Lafaux

had done to me, how could I

feed this woman a lie just to

make a bit of cash?

No, no I don’t think it could.

I appreciate your honesty,

kid.

SHARON: No matter how you

slice it, there are no easy

answers.

Definitely no easy grades.

And for sure, no easy money.

Please, I want my SUV!

♪