02x20 - Baby Think-About-It

[bunniefuu]

♪ Something tells me I've been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was never real. ♪

♪ It seems I've changed a thousand ways, ♪

♪ I wish I looked the way I feel! ♪

♪ Braceface! ♪

♪ My life is complicated! ♪

♪ Boyfriend! ♪

♪ Don't want to talk about it! ♪

♪ Teenage! ♪

♪ I'll work it out in the end! ♪

♪ Braceface! ♪

Ah, my caseload's pretty full right now.

Does it have to be this week?

All right, let me check my calendar.

Wait! How's friday at noon?

Don't forget your wrestling uniform in the dryer.

Good. That settles it. Bye.

I'll pick you up at 3:30 for your dentist appointment.

(Groan) awww, is that today?

I don't know how my mom did it.

Even with her own therapy practice,

She still kept tabs on where we went,

What we ate, and what we needed.

Mom, when you go shopping,

Could you please pick me up some-

Shampoo?

Got it yesterday.

Great!

Bye, kitties. Bye, mom.

(Kiss) bye, hon.

Have a good day!

I only hoped this parenting thing was genetic,

Because that day in health class, we were starting

The legendary "parenting project".

Sharon, you have...

Baby simulator number fourteen.

Thanks, mr. Melamed.

(Laughing)

It looks so real!

Hey baby! Goo goo goo ga-ga-ga...

Ah! He's so cute!

Wait a minute, is he a he or a she?

(Laughing)

Yeah, I was thinking of naming her nina -

Just after me, you know?

She's so cute. And all the little dresses I'm gonna get...

So far, we've been learning all about reproduction and birth.

But this week, we're going to take a close look

At what happens after all that.

And to help us,

We have the cutest teaching tool in the health department -

"Baby-think-about-it."

These baby simulators not only look real,

They also sound real.

For example, they cry to let you know

When they need feeding or changing.

We want you to have the most authentic experience possible -

So that you'll think twice about becoming real parents

Before you're ready for it.

(Confused) sir? Uh, so when they cry,

How do we know what they need?

As parents, it's your job to figure that out.

Each baby comes with a number of accessories.

You'll know it needs changing

If you switch from diaper "a" to diaper "b",

And the crying stops.

If that doesn't work, maybe the baby is hungry.

Put the red feeding-key into this socket

In the baby's back,

And see if that works.

There's a key for burping, a pacifier...

Try everything, like a real parent would.

And, like real parents,

You're going to be on duty day and night, all week long.

If he thinks I'm taking a doll everywhere, he's nuts.

You should also know that each baby has a microchip

To record how well you respond to it.

I'm going to come around and activate your simulators now.

Ready or not - prepare to become parents!

(Cooing)

(Melting) awww!

Why isn't it activating?

I knew I smelled spearmint.

(Annoyed) wonderful.

Now I'll have to send it out for repairs.

And I don't have any extra simulators!

(Hopeful) does that mean I don't have to do the project?

No, it means you get to share.

Alden, how would you like to co-parent with brock?

This is so great!

It'll be like having another pet, only with "virtual" poop.

Yeah, well I don't know how I'm going to get ready

For the basketball finals this week.

What if shaquille keeps me up all night?

At least shaquille's a cool name.

Who ever heard of a kid called bralden?

Hey, it was the only way

We could both name it after ourselves.

(Laughing)

What about you, sharon?

What are you calling your little girl?

I was thinking dian.

Like dian fossey,

Who worked with the mountain gorillas in rwanda.

(Sneers) you should name it after the teacher.

It's the only way you'll pass this assignment.

For your information nina, I am totally ready for this.

I already have five pets that I take great care of.

Please!

You're the one who lost her dog

And dragged me all over town looking for it.

That was different.

(Dismissive) ya. Well, try not to lose this on the way home.

Shouldn't you go buy your lunch nina?

Or were you just planning to eat your young?

(Everyone laughing)

Your sick, wong!

Nina was so wrong about me.

I did take care of my pets!

'Cause I had learned from the best - my mom!

How could I not be good at this?

Huh?

Mom? You okay?

(Coughing)

Better than okay. Look at this!

(Very nostalgic) awww! Josh's carrier...

Adam's bonnet...

Aw, here's the sweater nana made you.

This would fit dian.

I can't believe you kept all our baby stuff.

You're not planning to have any more, are you?

No, but I might be a nana some day.

Thanks for finding the carrier.

It'll make it a lot easier at the movies tonight.

You're taking her to the movies?

What if she cries?

I'll cope.

Real mom's do it all the time!

Are you sure? I could babysit.

That's not allowed.

The project is supposed to be like real life.

Anyway, when I have kids I'm not going to let it stop me

From doing what I always do.

(Knowingly) have fun.

(Shaquille's crying)

Did you change him? Did you feed him?

(Testy) yes, and yes.

I have no idea what his problem is.

Maybe your simulator doesn't like being jiggled.

Hey, you're right, sharon!

You're a regular baby guru.

Naaa! Just a lucky guess.

(Hiccups)

What's he doing? What's wrong?

It's just the hiccups.

Is that all?

I know what to do for hiccups.

Boo!

(Bralden screams)

Oh, good one, brock.

(All the babies start crying)

I don't know who's louder - you or the babies!

Sorry! We'll take them out for awhile.

(Mumbles) morning.

You okay, sharon?

Fine... Why?

You're eating cereal with a fork.

(Groans) I guess I am a little tired.

Dian's not big on sleeping.

(Phone rings)

Hello?

Good morning!

Oh, I don't think sharon can work a shift today.

She's doing an assignment-

Is it the vet? Let me talk to her.

Hi, georgina.

No, it's no problem.

You're welcome. See you after school.

Are you sure that's a good idea?

Georgina needs me.

I can't use dian as an excuse to cop out on my volunteer work.

It's not "copping out".

Won't it be difficult to look after dian at the vet clinic?

That's the point! Proving I can handle it.

You raised three kids.

I think I can manage one little baby.

Can you manage to clean the cat box too?

It's reeky and it's your turn.

Sure, but not till tonight.

I'm going straight to the vet's after school.

Unless my favourite little brother...

Okay! I'll clean it.

But you have to do it the next three times.

Deal. See you later!

...then, after playgroup,

We went to buy some children's books to read before bedtime.

And now as I write this,

I'm watching my little darling drift off to sleep,

And thinking, "I did my very best for my baby today."

Thank you.

(Whispers) nina looks like she just had a day at the spa.

Why isn't she tired?

Good question.

Mr. Melamed, I'm finding this project so fulfilling.

Is there anything I can do for an extra credit?

No, nina.

But I'm glad you're finding it rewarding.

Sir?

I know we're not supposed to use babysitters

But I have a big basketball game tomorrow.

Would it be okay for sharon to 'sit for me?

I don't think so, maria.

It wouldn't be fair to the others in the class.

But maria's our star centre.

She can't run off the court every five minutes!

Yeah. And it's the regional finals!

Can't we make an exception?

Well maria, if your classmates don't mind,

I suppose it's all right for sharon to babysit.

Yeah!

Two babies are a handful, sharon.

Are you sure you can handle it?

I'll be okay, sir.

I'm sure I'll find it very fulfilling.

Hold her tight. She hates this.

That's quite a lifelike baby you have there.

How's it going?

Great! I take her everywhere.

(Baby starts to cry)

Pass the scissors?

(Cat starts wailing)

Okay...now the ointment.

Um... Dian's crying.

Mmm, so is peaches.

We're almost done.

Pass the ear drops?

Uh - that's a pacifier.

Sorry!

(Dian wails).

Just hang on!

Take it easy, now. We're almost done.

Okay, I'm going to wrap him up again.

Could you pass the gauze?

That's a diaper!

(Gasp) sorry! It's right here -

Huh! Don't let go!

It's okay, I've got him!

Peaches, c'mere sweetie!

(Cat yowls)

(Sigh)

(Crowd cheers)

There you go.

Check you out! You're a regular daycare centre.

I have to be.

Maria's getting all protective of shaquille.

She is actually wearing a baby monitor.

Come on, maria!

Look, your mom just scored!

Did you see that basket, guys?

I did... But I don't know about him.

He was up all night with bralden.

C'mon, rip van winkle, we should go.

But they're going into overtime.

It's the regional finals!

Gotta make it an early night.

It's my turn with bralden.

Ten minutes?

C'mon, you can't let a baby keep you from having fun!

You're right.

Yeah, okay.

Mom one to mom two.

Everything okay up there, sharon?

Everything's fine.

I'm doing my job so you just do yours!

Go wong!

Ow!

(Babies start to cry)

Whoa! What's wrong with them?

Everything! What do I do?

Well, do something! They're distracting maria!

Try the yellow key.

Try purple!

There is no purple!

Whooooaaaa!

Noooo!!

Awwwwww!

(Buzzer)

Sorry!

Perfect.

I'd just turned a great game into a huge downer.

All I had to do was keep two babies happy for a while!

(Sigh) maybe good parenting wasn't genetic.

Maria, I'm so sorry I made you miss that shot!

Stop apologizing.

I shouldn't have lost my focus.

Lose something, braceface? (Giggle)

I've never seen a babysitter choke like that.

I'd help you two look for the keys,

But, (shrug) I just don't feel like it. Ta!

Isn't she a ray of sunshine?

She's right, though.

I did choke when the babies freaked out.

It's just an assignment, sharon.

But I'm supposed to be good at this parenting thing!

Well, how do you know?

You've never done it before!

Well, no... But my mom did this three times,

And even nina's doing okay.

So what's wrong with me?

Nothing! Except that you need to lighten up.

How was the game, hon?

Oh... Fine.

The dogs need walking.

I noticed.

Can't josh or adam do it?

They're not home yet.

If you want, you can leave dian with me while you walk them?

(Testy) I told you, I'm not supposed to let anyone babysit!

Why do you keep asking? Don't you think I can handle it?

I'm sorry, sharon! I just forgot.

Because I can handle it.

I'm having a great time with dian.

And she would love to go to the park with the dogs.

(Dogs bark)

Dian was quiet, the dogs were happy...

It felt like I finally had things under control.

At least I hoped so,

Cause I had three days of math to catch up on.

Well, hi there! What's your name?

Dylan.

I'm sharon.

What have you got, dylan?

Chocolate. Want some?

Oh, no thank you. But it's nice of you to offer.

You have a real way with kids.

Thanks!

Baby wanna share?

(Dian cries)

Oh no, dylan! She doesn't eat that.

(Groan) I don't think there's a key for this.

Do you have some paper napkins or something?

I got paper!

(Gasp!) My homework!

Ahhhh!

(Splash)

(Dian giggles)

I'm glad you think it's funny.

Thanks for your help.

What, sampson? Where's pigger?

Doggie likes chocolate!

Pigger, no!

Dogs aren't supposed to have chocolate!

(Dialing the phone)

Mom, I need you to pick me up at the park.

We have to get pigger to the vet clinic,

Right now!

He'll be all right now, but he's had a close call.

Chocolate is highly toxic to dogs.

Even just a little bit?

A few ounces of chocolate can k*ll a small dog.

It's a good thing sharon acted so quickly.

Well, sharon's a very responsible young woman.

No, I'm not.

I should have done a better job of watching him.

Oh nonsense. You did well.

You just keep a close eye on him for a while.

Thanks, georgina.

Are you gonna sleep down here?

Yeah. Pigger might need me.

We'll take these guys with us so they don't bother you.

Thanks.

Good night.

I'm sorry, pigger.

(Dian cries)

(Crying and sniffling)

Aw honey, pigger's going to be fine!

It's not that, it's everything!

I just feel like such a failure.

What are you talking about?

You raised three kids,

Got a degree, started a career -

And I can't even handle one baby without falling apart!

Now you sound like a parent.

It's normal to feel overwhelmed! I sure did.

Really?

Yes! I would've been lost

Without help from your dad, and my mom...

And it still took years to finish my degree.

Everyone needs help sometimes, sharon.

That's life.

I just never realized looking after a baby was so hard!

I thought it would be fun... But it's brutal.

(Dian giggles)

Okay, maybe it has its moments.

But I'm not doing this again until I'm seriously old!

If ever.

Maybe I'll just have pets instead.

(Laughing) you have lots of time to make that decision.

You are only fourteen.

But if you do choose to have kids,

I think you'll find that

Watching a baby grow and discover the world

And become an individual, makes all the sacrifices worthwhile.

Good night, hon. I'll leave you an extra blanket.

Thanks, mom.

Night, pigger.

Aw, you got a smudge, bro.

I know it's weird, but I'm really going to miss dian.

I can relate.

It's hard not to get attached

To something that needs you so much.

Sharon?

So how was your week?

Let's say it was a real eye-opener.

That's what I like to hear.

Bye, dian.

Nina?

(Baby voice) I'm gonna miss you, little girl!

Don't you mean little boy?

That's what I said. Little boy.

(Baby screams)

Eugh. What's wrong with it?

It's your job to find out.

Where are your keys?

Lose something?

They're here somewhere!

You must have had the keys when you fed him.

When was that?

(Irritated) I don't know!

Look, I'm getting a headache. Can you just shut it off please?

(Sarcastic) maybe he's cranky because he's missing his play group.

(Sarcastic) or you kept him up late reading to him.

Nina doesn't look like she's been losing sleep to me.

You need to find those keys, nina.

I will!

I just need to make a quick call.

To whom?

To my nanny, okay?

(Outraged reaction)

(Laughing) I knew she looked too rested!

(Defensive) what!

You said you wanted this to be like real life.

Well, if I have a baby, I'm getting a nanny!

I feel a make-up assignment coming on...

(Reading) so goldilocks said "this porridge is too cold."

I guess she'd never heard of a microwave, huh?

(Laughing)

"But then, she saw this tiny little bowl of porridge..."

Don't these bears keep any bagels in the house?

We could sell tickets to this.

At least nina's getting some real experience.

The kids actually seem to like her!

They also like eating paste, so what does that tell you?

(Giggling)

..."This porridge is just right, she said,"

And look, she's shoveling it in.

Ick. Who eats porridge, anyway?