05x18 - Evil Mascot

[bunniefuu]

[theme music]

[waves crashing]

[laughing]

This year things are going to
be very different in the world

of campus sporting events.

Very different indeed.

[laughing]

[mechanical grinding]

[laughing]

[acoustic guitar]

The anticipation
is driving me nut-so!

I mean, hello, did I win the
Mali-U Mascot Contest or not?

Relax Al.

With all the work you put into
it you're a total shoe-in.

Sam is right, you're
so mascot material.

Besides, who else
could they choose

to wear that way
cute mermaid suit

at this evening's
Mali-U Riptide State

Beach sport Mega Tournament?

[applause]

Welcome coeds to
this semester's Mali-U

Mascot Ceremony.

Though I received many essays,
applications, and resumes,

there was one entry
that truly stood out--

Alex's video Presentation.

ALEX [ON SCREEN]: Hi,
I'm Alex, the perfect

candidate for Mali-U Mermaid.

Not only am I way friendly, but
I care deeply about my school.

[clanking]

See?

Plus, I always keep up
to date on campus events,

like this sandal
sale at Mali-U Shoe.

But most importantly, I've got
more spirit than a foam finger.

Go Mali-U!

Because of her
great submission,

she's been chosen to
be your new mascot!

No way, I won!

[cheering]

Alex, please join me on
stage to take your mascot Oath.

Do you Alex, swear to
defend the honor of Mali-U,

proudly wearing your costume
to all school events?

Yes and yes.

And without further
ado, I present you

with your official
mascot uniform.

Ah ah.

[laughing]

But, there must
be some mistake.

Where's my tail-- and my
crown-- my pretty blonde wig?

Well the mermaid
has been replaced

with a more politically
correct mascot,

a can of dolphin safe tuna.

And that concludes our ceremony.

See you at sundown.

Way to go Al!

Yeah!

You completely blew
away the competition.

Huh, lucky me.

Now instead of being a cute
mermaid I get to parade around

as some goofy tin of fish!

Well, look on the
bright side, even

if you look a little
silly, you still

get to cheer on the school.

And if you're truly
living in embarrassment city

after the beach tourney,
you can always quit.

Tell that to the
oath I just took.

Aw.

Guess there's only one thing
that's going to cheer you up,

a coffee fest at the Mali Cafe!

[screaming]

Either Alex's costume is too
heavy for this stage to handle,

or we're about to be whooped!

[screaming]

Judging by this
cookie conduit I'm going

with the spy mission scenario.

[grunting]

Looks like the coffee
fest will will have to wait.

[grunting]

Hello ladies.

Hey Jer.

Um where's Alex?

I'm in here--

and I'm stuck.

Oh my.

[mechanical zooming]

[screaming]

Oof.

Thanks for the rescue, Jer.

You're quite welcome.

And though I'd love to
know while you're dressed

in that absurd outfit,
I'd best get to the reason

I brought you here.

Last night, a student was
attacked on the Mali-U campus.

[gasp]

No way, I can't believe it.

That your fellow coed was the
victim of a strange as*ault?

No.

That we finally get to do some
investigating close to home.

So what was so strange
about the attack, Jer?

Allegedly, the as*ault was
not committed by a human.

Icky.

So who was this student?

[zapping]

ALEX: Hey that's Reek
Hegan, captain of the Mali-U

Freestyle Surf Squad.

Don't worry we'll
go check him--

[laughs]

--I mean the situation out.

ASAP.

[zapping]

Not without gadgets you won't.

Today I give you an
innovative new substance

called glav gas,
some turbo roller

skis, and the silent
siren tracking device.

It emits a sound traceable
by your X powders,

but undetectable
to the human ear.

SAM: Thanks boss.

My pleasure, and so is this.

[screaming]

Room 416, this is the place.

Clover, we can't
just waltz in,

we're going to need
a cover of some kind.

I couldn't agree more.

Cute Mali-U candy
striper outfit anyone?

Great idea Sammy,
we can pretend that

Mali-U Health Center sent us.

Sure beats my lame tuna suit.

[knocking]

Hi Reek, we are your
official Mali-U candy stripers.

As in, if you need
your water glass

filled or your pillows fluffed,
we're totally your girls.

Sounds great, but what I
really need is a toe scratch.

I've got an Itch
that's beyond gnarly.

Oof.

You've go it!

You want to take
care of that, Alex?

Uh me?

As if.

[laughing]

I mean sure, as
if I wouldn't jump

at the way cool opportunity.

So Reek, what in the
world happened to you?

I don't know.

I was walking home
from the beach

when something swooped down
from the sky and attacked me.

Swooped down from the sky?

Yeah like it was flying.

I tried to fight it
off with my board,

but I tripped and
sprained my ankle.

Well whatever it was it
definitely wasn't friendly.

You got that right.

And the worst part
is, now I'm going

to miss the big tournament
against Riptide State.

[ringtone]

Sorry Reek, duty calls.

Yeah it looks like we're have
to move on to our next patient,

bye.

Huh?

Hey!

CLOVER: Call me.

[ringtone]

JERRY [ON PHONE]:
Girls, what took

you so long to answer my call?

Sorry Jer, we were
scoping out Reeks the Rash's

surfboard, among other things.

JERRY [ON PHONE]:
Well I need you

to scope out another attack
currently in progress,

on the Mali-U Beach.

Don't sweat it, Jer--

[grunting]

We're on it.

[cheering]

Huh?

Hiyah!

Radical.

Whoa yeah, awesome.

[screaming]

Who knew I'd be as horrible
at driving turbo roller

skates as I am at
driving my car.

[screaming]

Alex, what are you doing?

[coughs]

Oh nothing, Dean Franklin.

just getting my adrenaline
pumping for the big tournament.

Well be careful.

I don't want you getting
injured before your debut.

Don't worry, I will.

[screaming]

Do you see anything?

BADMINTON CAPTAIN: Help!

Hurry!

There, thats's the
captain of the Malibu

Beach Badminton Team.

[screaming]

[inaudible] is more like it.

Come on, Spies.

We've gotta act fast.

[grunting]

Either I'm way dizzy
from my turbo skis,

or whatever we're
following's leaving mega-size

talon prints in the sand.

That might explain how
Rique's board got shredded.

We can worry about that later.

Right now we've got snag Mr.
Badmitten, and bag our baddy.

OK, on three.



[screaming]

[gasping]

Hey!

[laughing]

Oh no, you don't.

[grunting]

Gotcha!

[squawking]

[laughing]

Whoa, what was that thing?

I don't know.

I was too busy dodging laser
blasts to get a good look.

Tell me about it.

I was practicing my surf
when all of a sudden I

found myself under fire.

That's terrible.

Not as terrible
as hurting my thumb.

Now I can't participate
in the tournament.

Uh.

Two injuries on
two beach jocks?

Is it me, or are
you girls beginning

to see a pattern here?

Aha.

I see it all right, and
it's made of feathers.

Oh, please, Alex.

Those are probably from
a pigeon or something.

A really big pigeon.

I don't know, Clover.

The X-Powder says these
feathers are synthetic.

Your point?

That Jer was right.

Whatever we're
chasing isn't human.

And if we don't want anyone
else to get hurt, we we

b find out who or what is
behind this right away.

According to the
X-Powder, the silent siren

tracking device is way close.

SAM: Then that means
our bad guy is, too.

[car engine revving]

[meowing]

[gasping]

There's another
attack at [inaudible]..

Come on.

[meowing]

Yeah, attack of
the lonely kitty.

Guess It was
just a false alarm.

[meowing]

Actually, i think we
are in the right place.

How do you know?

Even though we may not be
able to hear the silent siren,

this cat sure can.

He's got great hearing.

[gasps]

You poor baby.

We didn't mean to hurt
your fuzzy little ears

with our evil siren.

[meowing]

[chuckles]

Now that that crisis is over,
it's time for little B and E.

Let's see what the
glass gas can do for us.

BOTH: Coolio.

[grunting]

Well, looks like your basic
ordinary basement to me.

Yeah, except for this.

Stalky much?

SAM: Weird.

I wonder if our
baddy goes to Mali-U.

Something tells
me that's a no.

Ew.

What is that creepy thing?

It's Sigmund the Seagull, the
mascot suit from Riptide State.

And it's wearing
our tracking device.

Talon-like feet, pointy beak,
bright feather exterior.

- Do you know what this means?
- Yeah.

We just found our baddy.

Well, at least the
outside of him.

This is no ordinary
mascot suit, girls.

It's been tricked out with all
kinds of gadgets and stuff.

Guess that explains the
flying and the laser fire.

Hey.

Actually, you can thank
my mechanical engineering

major for that.

Like, who are you?

Sigmund Smith, just
a run-of-the-mill,

school-spirited student
from Riptide State.

Run-of-the-mill?

As if.

You and your gooney
bird suit have been

attacking athletes at Mali-U.
- True.

But taking out Mali-U's
top competitors

was the only way to
ensure that my school

won this evening's tournament.

You see, we've lost
six years in a row.

As the Rip State mascot, I just
couldn't let it happen again.

Please.

Save your bogus baddy blathering
for someone who cares.

Yeah.

It doesn't matter what your MO
is, we are not about to let you

get away with your evil plan.

Especially since I took a
mascot oath to defend Mali-U.

[grunting]

Hey!

[aerosol hissing]

[coughing]

[maniacal laughter]

In that case,
allow me to introduce

you to my newest gadget, the
rapid firing egg backpack.

[gasping]

[sh**ting]

Ow.

Ow.

Ew, gross.

[yelping]

That hurts.

You haven't seen anything yet.

[screaming]

Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm off to destroy Mali-U.

Wait a sec.

Since when is destroying
Mali-U part of your plan?

Yeah.

I thought you just wanted
to take out a few athletes

and win the mega tournament.

That was before you
broke into my basement

and called my
seagull suit gooney.

Now it's all out w*r.

I'm sorry you'll miss the show.

Of course, you'll have bigger
things to worry about here.

[maniacal laughter]

So when he said we had bigger
things to worry about here,

do you think that that
was just more blathering?

[gasps]

No such luck.

It looks like we're about to
be pressed into a spy patty.

[grunting]

Great.

What do we do now?

[grunting]

Turn the tracking
device back on.

What good will that do?

It isn't attached to
the baddy anymore.

It'll give our little friend
here just enough motivation

to claw us to freedom.

Oh, I don't know, Clover.

That sounds kind of mean.

Don't worry, Alex.

It won't hurt the cat.

Just annoy him a little.

And besides, it'll
only lasts a few seconds.

OK, but hurry up
before I change my mind.

[grunting]

[yowling]

It worked!

[hissing]

[glass breaking]

[gasps]

You poor baby.

Thanks, kitty.

We totally owe you.

[smooch]

TOURNAMENT ANNOUNCER:
Welcome one

and all to the seventh
annual Mali-U, Riptide State

Beach Sport mega tournament.

From freestyle surfing
to beach badminton

to extreme sand castling,
we wish all of our students

the very best of luck.

But before we begin,
I'd like to introduce

Mali-U's newest mascot.

In the role of the dolphin-safe
can of tuna, I give you Alex!

[laughing]

Huh?

Hey?

[laughing]

Alex?

[yelps]

Sorry, but there's
been a change of plans.

[crowd gasping]

A change of plans?

What do you mean?

From this moment
forward, the tournament

is no longer dolphin-safe, or
safe at all for that matter.

Mali-U is officially mine.

[laughing]

[screaming]

Geesh, Sammy.

If you drove any slower,
we'd be going in reverse.

Don't blame me.

Blame this hunk of junk.

I got the pedal to the metal.

Huh?

Hey.

In that case, it's time
for a little turbo boost.

Oh, please no
more roller skis.

I've had enough motion
sickness for one day.

It's not for us, Alex.

It's for this
[inaudible] WOOHP jeep.

Now everybody hang on.

[yelling]

Oh, no.

Sigmund's totally trashing
the tourney and our school.

[laughing]

[g*nf*re]

[yelling]

Not if we have
anything to say about it.

Come on, girls.

You guys go ahead without me.

I'll catch up with you later,
after I put on my costume.

Alex, there's
no time for that.

I know, but I can't
show up without it.

It's part of the oath.

Ugh, fine.

But it better not get in the
way of our baddy butt kicking.

Don't worry.

It won't, I think.

[gasping]

[screaming]

[thud]

[laughing]

OK, time to teach this psycho
seagull how we roll at Mali-U.

Step away from the sand
castler, bird brain.

What are you doing here?

Oh, nothing.

Just saving our school, and
getting ready to trounce

your tail feathers.

[g*nf*re]

[laughing]

Watch out!

[g*nf*re]

[screaming]

[laughing]

Caw, caw caw/ Sorry, girls,
but your moves are no

match for my mechanical mayhem.

Oh yeah?

We'll see about that.

[groaning]

[g*nf*re]

[yelping]

No fair.

There's not supposed to be
baseball at this tournament.

Why don't you try
this on for size?

Hey!

[grunting]

[thud]

Hey, nice move.

Thanks.

[panting]

Now what do you say we
clip this gulls wings?

Ew, Sammy.

Grody.

Clover, it's just
a figure of speech.

Besides, it's not even
like he's a real bird.

That's right, because a
real bird couldn't do this.

[laughing]

BOTH: Uh-oh!

Now say good bye, Spies!

[screaming]

Hey, Sigmund.

Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?

BOTH: Alex!

Gladly!

[laughing]

[g*nf*re]

[screaming]

No!

[crash]

Ha!

Looks like the tuna just
outsmarted the seagull.

Oh.

[music playing]

Congratulations on yet another
successful mission, ladies.

No probs.

You know, except for the part
where I got sand under my nails

and egg in my hair.

So what are we gonna do
about our fellow coeds, Jer?

They kind of saw us
in spy-tastic action.

As always, WOOHP will
remedy the situation.

[gasps]

Speaking of situations
that need remedying,

there's a little cat
that needs a new home now

that its owner's being
relocated to the WOOHP

containment facility.

Don't fret.

WOOHP will take the cat to
WOOAP, the World Organization

of Animal Protection.

[meowing]

Cheerio.

[meowing]

Alex, there you are.

I just wanted to thank you for
saving the day and the campus.

Just doing my job, sir.

About that.

I'm afraid I'll need to
revoke your mascot status.

[gasps]

Revoke it?

Why?

For damaging your costume.

Dolphin-safe tuna can mascot
suits don't grow on trees,

you know.

I guess this
means you won't have

to take the trip to
Embarrassment City after all.

I don't know, Clover.

Even if my costume
was goofy, I was

really starting to get into it.
- Don't worry, Alex.

You're still our team mascot.

That's right.

Now what do you say
we go to the Mali cafe

and cheer on some coffee drinks?

[laughing]

[music playing]