03x16 - The Black Version of 'Romeo & Juliet

[bunniefuu]

- [Sam] Tonight, leaving a restroom

where he just dropped a
nuke, it's Jacquis Neal!

- Woohoo! Woohoo!

Hey, y'all. Don't go in there.

I just took a sh*t.

- [Sam] Doing a dance called
The Bri, it's Bri Giger!

- [Sam] Oh, sh*t.

- [Sam] And flirting with
every camera individually,

it's Echo Kellum!

- Oh, wow.
[chuckles]

[Sam giggles]
I like your body.

[Bri and crew laughing]

Dang, girl. You got that lens.

Wow, okay. Oh, wow.

I did not see that structural
integrity of your stand.

- [Sam] They're all here to-

- Wow.

- [All] Make some noise!

[lively theme music]

Welcome to "Make Some Noise,"

the game so good, we
spun it off unchanged.

I am your host, Sam Reich.
Here's how the show works.

I have here a series of
improvisational prompts

our players have never seen before.

Isn't that right, players?

- You told me to say no.

[Jacquis laughing]
- Jacquis

may have written some
prompts for this season.

They will, to the best of their ability,

fulfill those prompts.

I will award them corresponding points

and the winner will go home
with the coveted Golden Ear,

which our audience will say
went to the wrong person.

- Always.

- Now, Jacquis wrote that joke.

- I did.

- Wow.
[Sam and crew laughing]

- I did.

- Players, are you ready to rumble?

- Hell yeah.
- Yes.

- Yes.

- First, a little mini-game.

This is a little mini-game we like to call

"Take Some Direction."

How it works is, players,

I'm gonna give you a line of dialogue

to repeat over and over and over again.

As I do, I'll give you direction,

micro-adjustments if you will,

in order to affect your performance.

Does that make sense?
- Right, yes.

- Yeah.
- Jacquis, your line,

no direction to start out with, is

"I love the smell of
napalm in the morning."

- Ooh.

[Echo chuckles and crew laughs]

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

- Bri, give me more.
- [Echo] Wow.

- Oh!
[Jacquis and crew laughing]

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

[Bri chuckles]

- Echo, give me a little bit more.

- Oh!

I love the smell of napalm in the morning!

[Sam laughing]
- Mm!

- Jacquis, throw it away.

- I love the smell of
napalm in the morning.

[Jacquis scoffs]
- [Sam] Yeah.

Bri, cutely.

- I love the smell of
napalm in the morning.

- Echo, after looking
around conspiratorially.

- I love the smell of
napalm in the morning.

- Jacquis, being pelted with dodgeballs.

- Hey!

[Jacquis grunting]

Hey, man, stop!

I said I love the smell
of napalm in the morning!

- Bri, Jamaican.

- I love the smell of
napalm in the morning.

Who this m*therf*cker?

[everyone laughs]

- Echo, as your sitcom catchphrase.

- Woo!
[group applauds]

- Well, I love the smell
of napalm in the morning.

- Yes!

Yes!

- [Sam] He said it!

Jacquis, as a waiter charming
their way to a big tip.

- I love the smell of
napalm in the morning,

and I love you.

- Oh, sh*t.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Thank you.

- Bri, giving instructions
to your hairdresser.

- I love the smell.

- Oh, you love, oh.

- Of napalm

in the morning.
[Sam laughing]

- Oh, sh*t.

- And finally, Echo,

only 'cause you told me, like
Cleveland from "Family Guy."

[Jacquis, Bri and crew laughing]

- Hey, Peter.

[everyone laughing]

- I just wanted you to know that

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

[imitating Cleveland's laugh]

[Bri and crew laughs]

- And that is a mini-game.

[cast and crew applauds]
[lively piano music]

And that brings us to round one.

Jacquis, welcome back
to the show, my friend.

- Oh my gosh. It's so good to be here.

- The losing knight gives a
post-joust press conference.

- Oh, so y'all ain't gonna
clap for me just 'cause I lost?

I see. All right.

All right, that's fine. That's fine.

I get it. You know, you
only clap for the winners.

I did go out there and
put my life on the line,

but it's okay.

[Sam laughs]

You know, we don't like
cheaters where I'm from.

I'm not saying he cheated,
but I'm just gonna say that

the referees was making
some calls, all right?

The referees was making some calls.

I felt the tip of my joust hit him.

[Sam laughs]

I felt the tip of my joust hit him,

and it was like, "No, no,
that's not hitting him,"

but it's okay.

It's okay, you know.

It's that, you know,

this would have provided
for my family, the win,

and you know what they
say about the losers.

To the guillotine with him.

So it's been real, everybody.

And one last time, f*ck Diego.

[buzzer buzzes]
[contestants laughs]

- I believe the word you
were looking for is lance.

- In this world, we hit with our jousts.

- That's right. Listen, it's your world.

- It's my world.

- Two giant turkey legs
worth of points for you.

- Yes.
- [Echo] Wow.

- Bringing us to Bri.

- Sam, you look rich.

[Sam and crew laughs]

Can I call you Sam Rich?

- It would be my distinct nightmare.

- Okay. Okay.

- Subaru decides to just go
ahead and market to lesbians.

- Listen, if you are g*y,
come on down. Subaru Burbank.

Yeah, no, I know. They've
always joked about it.

When you came out of the closet,

they said, "Oh, whatcha
gonna do, buy a Subaru?"

Actually, yeah. Yeah, no, I am.

[Sam and Echo laughing]

Well, finally, you don't have
to wait anymore, all right?

We're marking them down
about, uh, about 50% off.

If you're g*y enough, maybe free.

[everyone laughing]
[buzzer buzzes]

Then the rainbow comes up there.

- That sounds like a good deal.

- It sounds like a good deal.
- Yeah, it sounds nice.

- [Sam] 50% off? Yeah.

- If you're g*y enough, free?

- Yeah.

- That's sick.

- [Bri] Yeah, for sure.
- Wow.

- Let's say four by four points for you.

- Okay, cool.
- Wow, wow.

- Which brings us to Echo.

- I don't know what to do with my hands.

[contestants laughing]

- A deeply personal trainer.

- Yeah, that's good.
Some nice jumping jacks.

Yeah. Okay.

Three, four, five.

My wife is divorcing me.

Six, seven, eight.

Yeah, things just haven't been working.

You know, she wants to go hiking.
I don't want to go hiking.

Oh, that's a good, yeah.
Get those sit-ups popping.

That's great. Yeah.

You know, to be honest, my
dad never loved me either,

if I can just be 100% honest with you.

Okay, let's switch the form.

You gotta really tighten the
abs when you do it, okay?

Yeah. Tighten it.

Like, I can't tighten my
finances. I'll tell you that much.

I am struggling. Struggling, girl.

Okay, let's do the plank.

Yeah. You know, I grew up an orphan.

Can I tell you that? Oh, yeah.

[buzzer buzzes]

- Oh, I'll cut you off there, Echo. Yeah.

Eight deep tissue points for you.

- Okay.

- Which brings us back to Jacquis.

- Oh, I'm so happy to be here, Sam.

- An emcee's nicknames
for the next performer

just keep on going.

- Coming up to the stage,

oh, this person is the best
there is, the best there was,

and the best there ever will be!

Yeah, yeah, I see you down
there in the front row.

You're like, "Bring him on."

Shut the f*ck up. I'm
telling you who it is.

I like to call him boo, personally.

You may call him B, some
people may call him C,

some people may call him D,

a couple other people may call him E,

but you know him as one
name and one name only.

Actually, you know him as a few names.

You see, the first name they had

when they first came onto the scene

was the Beautiful Songstress of the West,

and then they moved out east

and they became the Beautiful
Songstress of the East.

Now, when they was in the Midwest,

they was Shy Town's greatest.

Now, I know y'all saying,

"But didn't they live in Baltimore?"

Yes, they did, and they called him BB.

Now, if you think about
where they came from,

you always say,

"Oh my God, is this person
the Jesus Christ of singing?"

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to the stage

CeeLo Green!

[buzzer buzzes]
- [Echo] Oh my God.

[cast and crew laughing]

- I thought for sure it was gonna be like,

"Please welcome Carrot Top."

[cast and crew laughs]

Let's say 10 points for every nickname.

- Hell yeah.

- Bringing us back to Bri.

- You got any cash in your pocket?

[Sam laughing]

- I see where this is going too.

- Uh-huh.

- A white girl explaining the
significance of her tattoo.

- It was like maybe like October 5th,

and we just went to the
bar, white girl wasted.

[Sam and crew laughing]

I only had 65 shots

and I walked into the parlor.

I asked for that and he said,
"Well, we can't do that."

So I was like, "Can you do half of that?"

And so the half of the heart right here,

dripping down towards my, uh,

titty, f*ck it,

[Sam and Echo laughing]

it represents

the absolute honor that
I have being your friend.

- Wow, wow.
- Wow.

- And also, I only had enough money

to get half a tattoo, so.

[Sam laughs]
[buzzer buzzes]

There you have it.

- She was, like, begging her friend

to get the other half of the heart.

- [Sam] "If you do, it'll
be a matching thing."

- Please just get it.

- The Chinese symbol for 22 points to you.

- Ooh.

- Nice.
- Wow.

- Which brings us back to Echo.

- I put my hands in my shirt now.

[group laughs]

I don't know what to do with them.

- Marvel's newest superhero,
Mr. Steal Your Girl.

[Echo grunts]

- Are you two okay?

- Yeah.

- Good.

You can get outta here, brother.

[Sam and crew laughing]

Hey, I love your long, flowing hair,

and to be honest, carrying
you was a piece of cake.

How about we get outta here and go kick it

at the Avengers' hide-out in Manhattan?

This dude does not seem
like he knows what you want.

He put you in this situation.

- What?

- Get outta here. Go.

- Get outta here?

- Man, get outta here, man.

I just saved you from
that burning building.

Hey, I'm sorry about that,

and I know people say
I do this all the time,

that who I am is just a
person that steals girls,

and that's right.

That's true. It's who I am.

But I want you to know the
real me and be cool with that.

You cool with that?

- Yeah. Take me away.

- All right, come on. Hop on my back.

[Sam laughing]

All right.

- Wait!

- f*ck you!

[buzzer buzzing]
[Sam laughing]

- ♪ It's Mr. Steal Your Girl! ♪

- Bri, I think you might
have just lost your Subaru.

[everyone laughing]

- Damn. I got my g*y card taken away.

- Let's say an MCU phase


- Yes, yes.

- [Jacquis] Wow.
- [Bri] Very nice.

- That brings us to our second mini-game.

This is a little mini-game we
like to call "Make A Hook."

How it works is, players,

I am going to lead each of you into a hook

with a couple of lines of rap.

- Okay.

- You are gonna perform
into that microphone

the hook for a song of my choosing.

I'll give you the title.

Now, the good news is

there is auto-tune connected to this mic.

- Yes.
- Hell yeah.

- Does that make sense?
- So we gonna sound great.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Jacquis, let's do you first.

Now, the name of this song-

- Yes?

- Is "Short Kings."

- Ooh.

- Take it away, music.

[lively music]

♪ All you girls wanting six foot plus ♪

♪ What's supposed to
happen to the rest of us ♪

♪ Rest of us ♪

♪ Rest of us ♪

♪ Short king ♪

♪ I don't hit my head on the ceiling ♪

♪ Short king ♪

♪ My knees are close to the ground ♪

♪ So I can get there and go to town ♪

- Oh my God.

- That was awesome, Jacquis!

[buzzer buzzes]
Yeah!

That's how we do it!

- Yeah!

- Damn. Damn.

[Sam laughing]

- [Echo] Damn.

- You was getting it too. That was fun.

- Bri.

- Yeah.
- Next up.

Please perch the microphone.

- [Bri] Okay.

[Jacquis and Echo laughing]

- Shots fired.

- That's fair.

- Now, fun fact, you and I
are both huge Beyoncé fans.

- Wow.

This is called "Beyoncé Concert."

- Okay.

♪ Renaissance formation, Mrs. Carter ♪

♪ If it's not Beyoncé,
then it's a non-starter ♪

♪ I'm at the concert
and I'm about to die ♪

♪ Hold me up, I'm gonna cry ♪

♪ I'm at the concert ♪

♪ Please don't let me die ♪

♪ Hey, don't let me die ♪

[buzzer buzzes]

- Yeah!
- [Echo] Yes!

- Yeah.
- Don't let me die, Beyoncé.

- Yes.

- Echo.

- Yes.

- I can feel you chomping at the bit.

[Echo sarcastically clears throat]

- That's as high as it goes.

[Sam and Jacquis laughs]

- This, Echo, is called "I'm A Lego Man."

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

♪ I'm a Lego man, that's my introduction ♪

♪ I follow my bliss when
I follow instruction ♪

♪ I'm a Lego man, I'm a Lego man ♪

♪ Bring your girls in
here, shake that can ♪

♪ We can pull up on the bus,
put them toys on your man ♪

[buzzer buzzes]
- Yeah!

[crew cheering]

- Woo!

Oh, I'm sweating.

- That's what's up.

- Sam, you should rap.

[Echo and crew laughing]

- No one wants to see
that. Literally no one.

[upbeat music]

That brings us to round
two, where our players

will now test their
talents in teams of two.

- Wow.

- Great.

- Jacquis.
- Yes.

- Bri.
- Uh-huh.

- Now, for those of you who don't know,

Jacquis once again wrote prompts

for this season of "Make Some Noise."

Every once in a while,
I like to surprise him

by putting something in the show

to see what he meant by it.

- Okay, great.

- The Black version of "Romeo and Juliet."

- Hey, yo, hark.

Who goes there?

- Uh, thou shalt knee, honey.

- Ooh, Juliet, Juliet, look at
them thick-a*s thighs, baby!

Why don't you drop that
nurse and come on down here

and get a little bit of Romeo?

- Romeo, thou art would
love to, but, like...

[Sam laughs]

But my daddy, if my daddy
finds out, we are, uh, f*cked.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Girl, all I'm saying is this.

Thy Romeo can be thou daddy.

[Jacquis smarmily chuckles]

Why don't you lay on the street with me

and die together on
Crenshaw Boulevard, baby?

- Like in the '60s? Damn.

- Juliet-
- Mhm.

- I'm gonna take you

to the highest of mountain tops.

I'm gonna take you to the
Beyoncé concert, Juliet.

- Oh, sh*t!

To be or not to be a hoe.

- Yeah!

[buzzer buzzes]
[Sam laughs]

- And off they go.

- [Sam] I believe Shakespeare
would say "exeunt."

[Jacquis and Bri laughing]

An iambic pentameter's amount of points.

- Oh, yes.

- That's a lot.

- Next up, Bri and Echo.

- Yes.

- Two TSA Agents on a power trip.

- Come on. Step up.

- Uh-huh. Uh-uh.

- Don't be taking so long. Step up.

- Yeah, we said step up.

Come on. Turn around.

- So, yeah, turn around, bro.

Now we gotta check you.
Check them pockets.

Hey, bro. Look at the name tag, all right?

TSA, bro.

- I know who y'all are.

- Where you off to, huh?

- To my cousin's funeral.

- Man, you paused when you said cousin.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Sam and crew laughing]

- You got some drugs?

- Yeah.
- You got some drugs?

- Turn around.
- I'm sad.

- I don't believe that.

- I'm sad! I'm sad!

- You don't look sad to me.

- I'm sad!

- You don't look like
you been crying, sir.

- Nah, I don't see not a
dried tear on your face.

- I haven't been cried
yet, but I'm feeling it.

- Where's the obituary then?

- Yeah.

- I haven't gone yet!

- Wait a minute. You
haven't got a pre-obituary?

- [Jacquis] No.

- You get that before you
go to the funeral, fool!

- Can I-

- [Echo] You declaring anything?

- No. This is a domestic flight.

- I know!
- It's a domestic flight!

- I know! I'm asking!

- [Jacquis] It's a domestic flight.

- We usually don't even ask that question,

but I'm asking it today.

- No, I'm not declaring anything, sir.

I just want to go to my cousin's funeral.

- What's your cousin's name?

- His name was John.

- Oh, Cousin John.

- Cousin John.

- Well, you should have
started with that then.

- Yeah, man.

A lot of people have been
coming through for Cousin John.

- Yeah, the whole family's here.

- The whole family.
- Come on.

- You late, brother.

[Sam laughs]

- You gotta go!
[buzzer buzzes]

[Sam laughs]

- I feel like that could have also been

two Black TSA agents on a power trip.

[cast and crew laughing]

- We'll say 13 points pulled
over for a random inspection.

- Thank you.

- Which brings us to Echo and Jacquis.

- Yeah.

- A corner man passionately
convinces a boxer

to just give up.

- I'm getting k*lled out there, man.

- You're getting jumped
out there, brother.

- I'm getting k*lled, but
I'm gonna stay wooden.

- Have you ever thought-

- What's up? What's up, John?

- About letting me throw in
the white towel, brother?

Let me throw in the white towel.

- No, man.

- Look at your face,
brother. Look at your face.

- Man, why are you putting mirrors

in the middle of the fight?

I ain't supposed to be seeing that!

- Your face is f*cked up, man.

- I can't give up, John!
My family depended on this!

- You ain't gonna have no family

if you go back in there and fight!

- But then I at least get the disability!

They need the money! I gotta
put it all on the line!

- I don't know how many
times I gotta say this!

You can't fight!

- Do you think my problem is

you constantly saying I can't fight?

I ain't got no encouragement!

- Look at your son, man.

- My son!

- He is crying!

- I'm okay, Jeremy!

- He is crying right now!

- It'll heal!

My son is all I got.

- I know he's all you got.

I want you to keep your son.

- But this fight, if I quit,

I don't make my full
earnings, coach, coach.

I can't even-

- You can't even speak no more!

You can't even speak no more!

- My brain has been boggled!

- All right, if you really wanna do it,

I'll let you go back out there.

- Okay, John.

Jeremy, this is for you!

- Don't say that. You gonna lose.

- Come on.
- Don't say that!

[buzzer buzzes]
- And cut.

[group laughs]

- [Echo] Thank you. Thank you.

- And in the blue corner,


- Wow, wow.
- Wow.

- Jacquis.

- Oh.
- [Bri] Ooh!

- And Bri.
- Nice.

- Mary explains to Joseph
her immaculate conception.

- Uh, Mary.

[Echo and crew laughing]

[Sam laughing]

- I knew this day was coming.

Let me just say I'm not
out in these streets, okay?

The Lord put a baby in me

and that's the immaculate
conception part, okay?

I'm not cheating, Joseph.

- What was you doing on
your story last night then?

[Sam and crew laughing]

'Cause-
- So I can't

go out no more, Joseph?

I can't go out, Joseph?

Is that what you're saying?

- I wasn't-

- 'Cause I was out at the
club, shaking that a*s?

I was throwing that a*s,

and that means I'm pregnant
by somebody else's baby?

You know I've never
had sex before, Joseph.

- I know. I know.

I've been trying to get
you to do it for weeks.

- Which is why I was shocked as anybody.

When the doctor said,
"Mary, you pregnant,"

I was like, "What?"

Which is why I bought us to Maury Povich.

Would you tell him?

- I'm gonna read the results.

[Sam laughs]
- Uh-uh.

- Joseph, you are not the father,

and I think we knew that already.

- We knew that already.

[Sam laughs]
[buzzer buzzes]

I mean, gold, frankincense,

maybe even a little bit of myrrh

for the both of you.
- A little myrrh.

- Bri and Echo.
- [Jacquis] Wow.

- Nice.

- The chemistry in this Tide
commercial is off the charts.

- Okay, ew.

Ugh.
[Echo nervously chuckles]

- We had a night.

- Uh-huh, yeah, we did.

- So many stains.

[Sam laughs]

- Thank God for Tide.

- Yeah, thank God for Tide.

That's the thing about
Tide with Oxy-clean.

It gets it all out.

- All you gotta do is drip
a little bit on the drip

and it's dripped out.

- And it's dripped out.

Hey, we were dripped out last night.

[Echo chuckles]

- You did me right.

- I did you right? We got filthy!

Which is why I love that

Tide cleans up any type
of mess you can have

with your clothes.
- Any mess.

- Yeah.
- That's why I feel

comfortable getting filthy with you

because I know that, in the
morning, it cleans it right off.

- Cleans it right out.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, and, you know,
for those quickie times-

- Uh-huh.

- Tide pens.

- Ooh.

- Just in case we need
it, you know what I mean?

- Uh-huh!

- Well, you look stunning,

the way you fold those clothes, babe.

- Oh, babe, this is how I fold.

I fold it for you, left, right.

- Let me help you.

- Ooh, there we go.

Oh!

- Open it.

- Ooh.
- Open it.

- Come on.

- Close it. Wrap it around.

- sh*t!
- Oh, yeah.

- Okay.
- That's hot.

That's hot.
- Ooh.

[buzzer buzzes]
- And this is only-

- I think I'll cut this off
before it gets any heavier.

- We were enjoying this!

- We were really into it, Sam.

- [Sam] Oh, man.

A detergent cap full to the
five line amount of points.

- Yes!
- For the both of you,

which brings us to the
last prompt of round two.

- Wow.

- Echo and Jacquis.

- Yes.

- Okay.

- A very serious Star Wars scene

with lots and lots of
names and places in it.

- The Death Star approaches, General.

- Take us to Tantoo immediately.

[Bri imitating explosions booming]

- Yes. I'll go to Tantoo, sir.

- Yes. Have you heard about the Force?

[Sam laughs]

- Yeah. We've all heard about the Force.

[Sam laughs harder]

The Force flows through us all.

That's what Princess Leia said.

- Well, I first heard
about the Force from Janet.

- Oh, yes, yes, Janet Leia, her sister.

Yes. People don't know
they had a third sister,

her and Luke, Janet.
- People don't know

they had a third sister.

Luke, Janet, and Leia.

- A less spoke-about person in our world.

- We were hanging out in Boombop.

- The sex planet?

- The sex planet.

- Wow.
- The sex planet.

- I've been trying to
plan a trip to Boombop

with my droid CP390.

- Oh.

- Oh, CP390.

- Just waiting.

- You know, me and CP390,
we were on Boombop one time.

- What? You were on Boombop with my droid?

- Hold on. Take the
bass out of your voice.

I'm still the General.

- Okay, I just didn't,
yes, I'm sorry, sir.

Sorry. of course.

Yes, yes, yes, sir. Sorry.

Sorry about that. Yes.

- I have something
serious to tell you, son.

- Okay.

- I am your father.

- You're my father?

- Yes.

- So this whole time, it
wasn't Lando Calrissian?

[Sam laughs]

They call me Little Lando.

- No. That was the only other
Black character at the time.

[buzzer buzzes]
- I will cut this off there.

I love that.

That scene might as well have been

"Echo deals with the fact that

Jacquis doesn't know any Star Wars facts."

[contestants laughing]


for the both of you.

[lively flute music]

That brings us to our
third and final mini-game.

This is a mini-game that we like to call

"Who Are You Supposed To Be?"

How it works is, players, when I say go,

you will run over to this
collection of costume items.

Put on whatever you like,
run back to your podium,

buzz in and pitch me who
you're supposed to be

in the style of a kid on Halloween.

Does that make sense?

- Yes.
- Makes sense.

- And away we go.

[upbeat music]
- Okay.

- Ooh. This is fancy.

[buzzer dings]

- Jacquis.

- I'm a burglar, here
to steal Sam's money.

[Sam laughs]

- I got nothing on me!

[buzzer dings]

- Echo.

- I'm a person going to see
my cousin at that funeral.

[Sam laughs]

You're going to John's funeral?

- I'm playing the funeral.

[Sam laughs]
Whatever.

[buzzer dings]
- Jacquis.

- I'm not Jacquis.

I'm in disguise, here
to steal Sam's money!

- Yeah. I can see where this is going.

- Yeah. Look all around.

[buzzer dings]

- Bri.

- I'm the first ever
Black man on Dropout TV.

[Sam and Jacquis laughing]

Jacquis.

[everyone laughs]

- [Sam] Ooh, the golden gloves.

[buzzer dings]

Echo.

- I'm Echo Kellum,

who never figured out
what to do with his hands,

and so they're completely useless.

[buzzer dings]

- Jacquis.

- This little piggy went to market

and this little piggy went
to go steal Sam's money.

- Comedy comes in threes.

[buzzer dings]

Bri.

- Sam, this is our security guard

when both you and your wife adopt me

and, yes, they talk like this too.

- We adopt you and then we
hire this security guard?

- Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

- Oh, nice. That's a cool family.

[buzzer dings]

Jacquis.

♪ I'm your short king ♪

- Oh, yeah!

♪ And I don't hit my head on the ceiling ♪

- [Sam] It's a reprise!

I think we've got a hit on our hands.

[buzzer dings]
And Bri.

- Oh, you're looking
for all the short kings?

Oh, they're in my backpack.

[Sam laughs]

Come on out. Hey, come on.

There you go.

[group laughs]

[buzzer buzzes]

- And that's the mini-game!

[lively music]

That brings us to round three,

where our players will now hold hands

and jump into the abyss together.

- Yeah!

- Jacquis.

- Me.
- Bri, Echo.

- Yes.

- The football team uses the huddle

to plan the coach's surprise party.

- So what's the play? What's the play?

- You know, he loves
country westerns, right?

- Right, right.

- We have a projector playing
"True Grit," number one.

- Okay, okay.

- Before he even comes into the house.

You know what I'm saying?
- Okay, okay.

- What color Gatorade are
we gonna have at the party?

- He likes blue, yellow, and orange.

- Oh, sh*t.
- Get all three, please.

- All three?

- Yeah.
- I'll distract his wife

and put her in the corner.

- Because she will spoil the surprise.

- She will spoil the surprise.

- If you do not distract her,

she will spoil the surprise.
- She runs her mouth, right.

- Spoil the surprise.
She'll spoil the surprise.

- She will spoil the surprise.

- Now, I know that we got something

really important to be doing
right now, right this minute.

- [Echo] Right, and
we're gonna get to that.

- And we gonna get to
that. We gonna get to that.

- We're gonna get to the game.

- But we cannot let
another moment go past-

- [Echo] I know.

- Before we talk about

what type of food we gonna
have at coach's party, okay?

- Exactly. Now, I'm thinking
of making a spinach quiche.

He loves quiche.

- He loves quiche!

- He loves quiche.

- He loves quiche. You know what?

I'm thinking about making
my mama's peach cobbler.

- Oh, yes.
- That's nice.

- White coaches love
Black women's cooking.

- That's true.
- Yes, they do.

- They love Black women's cooking.

- You know what's funny?

I never even put a color to
coach, but you're so right.

He's so white.

He's so white.
- Definitely is the whitest.

- He's the whitest coach.
- He really is.

- He's the whitest coach.

- Well, since he's so white,

I'll bring a char-coochie board.

- A char-coochie board?
- Yeah!

We gotta have a char-coochie board.

- Oh, we love

a char-coochie board.
[buzzer buzzes]

- We gotta have a char-coochie board.

- We love a char-coochie board.

- They love that sh*t.

[Sam laughing]

- 30 yards for sportsmanlike conduct.

- Yes.
[Bri chuckles]

- Next up, a bit of a thinker.

Jacquis.
- Yeah.

- Bri, Echo.
- Yeah.

- A recording artist and
their background singers

are clearly beefing.

- Kelly.

- Yeah?

- Michelle?

- Yeah.

- Knock it off.

- Okay.

- I guess if we don't want
to settle issues about us

and what we're going through,
we could just do the music,

so let's just do the music.

- Okay. Please.
[Sam and crew laughing]

♪ Can you pay my bills, can
you pay me back please ♪

♪ Can you pay me back please ♪

♪ Why are you such a b*stard ♪

♪ You do ♪

♪ So f*ck you, f*ck you, f*ck you ♪

- Wow. Wow.

- Did someone call cut?
Why are we stopping?

- What? Why are we stopping?

We singing. We doing the work, Beyoncé.

- Just apologize, Beyoncé.

- Just be apologize.

- Apologize.

- Okay, I understand I
f*cked up, all right?

But if my daddy comes in here,

he's gonna spank both of us, okay?

- And that's something we
need to talk about too.

- [Jacquis] Yeah!

Why he ain't spanking me?
- You are too grown!

Now, first of all, you are too grown to be

getting spanked, Beyoncé.
- You're too grown

to be getting spanked, first of all.

- It's made me who I am today.

- That's a real f*cked-up
way of looking at it,

but I guess.

- From the top.

- We singing a different song

or we still singing the same one?

- We'll sing a different song.

You start it and don't
tell us and we'll come in.

- Fine.

- Come on, Michelle. You got this.

- You got this.
- You know

I always start the song.

- Michelle, you always start-

- [Jacquis] I always start the song.

- Start it!

- I'm gonna start it, okay?

All right.
- Five, six.

- [contestants] Five, six, seven, eight.

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

♪ I'm not like Beyoncé ♪
♪ I'm not gonna give up ♪

♪ I'm gonna work harder ♪

♪ I'm tired of her sh*t ♪
♪ She owes me money ♪

- Oh my God.
- Okay.

I feel somebody was off-key.

- Oh my God.
[buzzer buzzes]

- Okay, that's it. Stop!
- [Echo] Somebody was off.

- Oh my God.

[everyone laughs]

- A three-part harmony
points to the three of you,

which brings us to the
last prompt of our game.

- Oh, man.
- Wow.

- [Sam] Can you believe?

Jacquis.

- Yes.
- Bri, Echo.

- Happy to be here.

- Friday, Saturday, and Sunday

debate their respective merits.

- There's only one
beginning to the weekend,

and it's me, all right?

So that's what I'm gonna say.

- So what are you representing?

- I'm representing the thing
you look forward to, okay?

- Okay.

- What are you representing, Saturday?

- Wow. You call me out?

- Yes.
- First of all,

Saturday's the first real day of rest

from the week, okay?
- True.

- Friday, you're still working, right?

And then you get to go out.

Saturday, you get to go out at the morning

and go out in the evening,

and plus all the dopest
events happen on Saturday.

- True.

- There's no church.

It's a day off without church
and you know I'm an atheist.

- Yes.

- Not to mention,

it's the longest word
for any day, I think.

[Sam laughs]

- I don't like the fact that
you two are ganging up on me.

You was agreeing with him.

- I didn't say a thing.

- [Jacquis] You was
agreeing with him, okay?

- [Bri] I didn't say a God damn thing.

- If it works, it works.

- I'm at the end.

- Or the beginning, to some.

- For years and years,

they debated to make Sunday Monday,

and I think that's pretty cool.

- Sunday, you don't even like yourself.

- That's an internal issue
that I'm having, okay?

You don't need to tell me about it.

- And Friday, you won't make up your mind.

Are you work or play? What are you?

- Is it wrong to be both?

[Bri chuckling]

- I think so. Pick a lane.

Pick a lane.
[buzzer buzzes] [Sam laughing]

- [Sam] Yes!
[contestants laughing]

Yes, it is wrong to be both.

A long weekend's worth of points to you.

- Yes.
- Wow.

- That brings us to the end of our show.

[group applauds]
Our winner tonight,

Echo Kellum.

- What?

- Wow.
- Whoa!

- What?
[uplifting music]

- Echo, you are the recipient
of the coveted Golden Ear.

- Wow.
- [Jacquis] Wow.

- Well-deserved.
- Wow.

That does it for us here
at "Make Some Noise."

Tune in next time for
more of the GameSamer.

I'm Sam Reich and that sounds
pretty good to me. Good night.

[ending theme music]

[ending theme fades]