01x01 - Atomic Roger/Toxic Talent

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[LASERS FIRING]

[ALARM RINGING]

Stop, thief!

-[LASER FIRES]
-[EXCLAIMING]

[SIREN BLARING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Maybe we'd better call the Chief.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

I'm going to save so much money
with this home haircutting kit.

There, all done.

[YELLS] Mom!

I can't go out like this!
What will the other kids say?

-[BELL RINGING]
-Hmm.

PETERSON: [ON PA]
Good morning, students,

and welcome to another
great day at Moose Jaw Heights.

-[CONTINUES, INDISTINCT]
-Hi, Betty. What's with the new look?

Oh, mind your own business.

Aw, did you cut your hair
with a blender?

Come on, Betty.

You can't hide forever.
School pictures are today.

[ALL LAUGHING]

School pictures?

-How can I forget?
-[BRACELET BEEPING]

[OSCILLATING]

Atomic Betty reporting for duty.

Ugh. Holy Attack of the Lawnmowers.

I say, Betty--
what happened to your do?

It's the result of
a family savings plan gone bad.

Very well. [CLEARS THROAT]

Your nemesis, Maximus IQ,
appears to be stealing gold...

all across the galaxy.

I need YOU to stay on high alert.

Why is he stealing the gold, sir?

It's a mystery, Betty.
Nobody knows.

How much longer is this going to take?

I'm trying to
capture your good side, sir.

[EVIL VOICE] It's not so easy.

Show me what you've done.

[GRUNTS]

Uh, I think it's quite a good
likeness myself.

I want more than just a foot!

I want a giant gold statue
a hundred feet high...

proclaiming my evil glory
to all the galaxy!

But we've only stolen
enough gold for the foot

-and one ear.
-Then, steal more gold!

[ALARM BLARING]

This is it!

Maximus' robots are robbing the
gold mines of Abraxas 4!

X-5, get us into hyperspace.

And both of you--
stop looking at my hair!

[BUZZER]

Hi-yah!

All right, nobody move.

[FANFARE]

[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]

What gives?
Who's the French poodle?

Atomic Roger, a brand new Galactic
Guardian at your service, citizen.

Hi, Roger. The name's Betty--
Atomic Betty,

-and this is my crew.
-You must be charmed to meet me.

Say, Roger, how did you
get here so fast?

My on-board controls are directly linked
to the galactic super computer,

so I get my crime bulletins
faster than any other Guardian.

-Listen, Kitty--
-It's Betty.

Right. Cathy, it's been a thrill chatting
with you, but I have to go now.

Here, my hairstylist.
You need to call her right away.

[SHIP DRIVES OFF]

I hope no one is looking at my hair.

[BOTH WHISTLE]

Who is this new Guardian
who foiled my plan?

Atomic Roger, sir.
He's ruining everything,

though he does have fantastic hair.

Huh? Who cares about his hair?

MAXIMUS: Behold!

Let's see this Atomic Roger stop my
new army of gold-pilfering robots.

[CHUCKLES] Fly, my pretties, fly!

All right, time for me to go back
to Earth for my stupid school pictures.

SPARKY: No time!

Robots are stealing the solid gold
yacht of the Sultan of Scymtar!

ATOMIC BETTY: Let's go!

Aha!

Unhand this ship,
you foul minions of evil!

[GRUNTS]

[CLATTERING]

[ATOMIC ROGER YELLS]

Mission accomplished.
Don't worry, Carrie!

I'll take this gold ship in myself.
After all, it matches my hair.

[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

-Wow! Did you see that?
-[ALARM BLARING]

We're getting another call.

X-5: Robots are robbing the
gold repository on planet Knox.

[BRAKES SCREECH]

This is getting ridiculous.

How am I supposed to save the day
if he's always getting here first?

-I'm telling you, it's the hair.
-Betty, look!

ATOMIC BETTY: After him!

Hand over the gold, evil robot!

[ROARING FEROCIOUSLY]

Hi-yah!

[ALL SCREAMING]

[LASER ZAPS]

Fear not, citizens--
Atomic Roger is here!

[GROWLS]

-ALL: Whoa!
-[GRUNTS]

[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM]

[SLAMS]

-I guess I oughta thank you, Roger.
-There's no need, Kelly.

Keep trying, and maybe one day
you too can save the day like me--

[ECHOES] Atomic Roger!

[GRUNTING]

Don't worry about this.

I'll take it back to headquarters myself,
and really, call my hairdresser.

Bye, Roger! Thanks for saving us!

There's something fishy about that guy.

-He did save our lives.
-I know. I just hope nobody finds out.

-[CROWD CHEERING]
-Thank you, Atomic Roger.

It is with great pleasure that
I award you this special medal...

for saving the universe's gold from
the clutches of the evil Maximus IQ,

and for saving our own
Atomic Betty and her crew.

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

[GROANS]

That girl is bad enough, but that Roger.

Oh, isn't he dreamy?

[GRUESOMELY] I mean, what a jerk!

It doesn't matter what he is,
for I, Maximus IQ,

will seal his doom with the most nefarious,
the most devious machine...

yet created!

[VEHICLE APPROACHING]

Check it out-- my new Atomic Roger
Fan Club poster.

X-5: Look what I have!

[GASPS]

SPARKY: And I've got the uber model.

If you want, Chief, you can wear
my wig for your school picture.

I'm sick of hearing about Atomic Roger!

Take me home!
I'd rather face Penelope Lang.

[ALARM BLARING]

No time.

Maximus has attacked Argo 7
with a planet-devouring ship.

[ENGINE REVS]

The situation was so grim,
I had to see it for myself.

-You'd better act fast.
-I disagree, Admiral.

There's far too much dirt flying around.
I've just recently been quaffed.

[TEARING]

Uh...

[SCREAMING]

[TRANSMITTER BEEPS]

Looks like it's all
up to you now, Betty.

[ENGINE BUZZING]

Look at the fool!
No one dares to stop me!

Come on, boys! I'm not afraid
to get a little dirty.

With that hair, I'm not surprised.

Sparky, X-5, hold them off.
I've got to get the generators.

[EXCLAIMS]

[ALL YELLING]

[YELLS]

It's heading right for us!

Chances of survival look
pretty negative.

We'll just see about that.
Slingshot!

[CACKLING EVILLY]

You've got to be kidding.
That antiquated weapon?

-[GLASS SHATTERS]
-[GROANS]

No, no, no! It's not fair!

[MACHINE RUNS OUT]

SPARKY: He's lost power!

-Nice shot, Betty!
-[CHUCKLING]

-A million to one, at least.
-ADMIRAL DEGILL: Bravo, Betty!

-On behalf of all of Argo 7--
-Thank you, Admiral.

Once again, I, Atomic Roger,
have saved the day,

and I want everyone to know that
this is my real hair, really.

ATOMIC BETTY: Hey, what's this?

Uh, that?

That must've flown into my shirt
when I was dueling with Maximus.

[YELLING]

[BOTH GASP]

Roger, how could you?

Why should Maximus get a golden statue?

-I want a golden statue, too!
-ADMIRAL DEGILL: No.

-Atomic Betty, the galaxy salutes you.
-Thank you, sir!

I can't believe we were so wrong
about Atomic Roger.

-What a creep.
-I believe we owe you an apology.

Can you ever forgive us?

Don't worry about it, boys.
Apology accepted.

SPARKY: We have a surprise for you.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Say, I wonder what happened
to Maximus' statue?

I don't know, your tackiness,
but I think it captures your essence.

-[CRASH]
-[MAXIMUS GROANS]

[MUFFLED]
Get this piece of junk off of me!

[PETERSON CHATTERS
INDISTINCTLY ON PA]

[CHUCKLES] Look, it's the girl
with a glued-on scarf!

Come on, Betty.
Take it off, or are you chicken?

[ALL LAUGH]

MAN: Hey, cool hair.

[CAMERA CLICKS]

[ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]

Cool hair!