01x03 - Chaos Has Found A New Home

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[shushes]

They can't know you're here.

LIME: Can't tell my messages
boards I got scanned.

They'll never forgive me.

I'll get banned
for inappropriate language.

Again.

- Gotcha!
- [Purple gasps]

LIME: I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna get another one, too.

I'm gonna get all of you.

PURPLE:
Oh. Phew.

- [gasps]
- YELLOW: Okay, count of three,

favorite shoe insert.

One, two, three.

- Orthotics.
- BROWN: Orthotics.

YELLOW:
So true.

Favorite candle scent.
One, two, three.

- Papaya Sunrise.
- Papaya Sunrise.

YELLOW: But what about
favorite final seasoning flourish, eh?

One, two, three.

- Flakey Salt.
- BROWN: Au naturel.

YELLOW:
What? Nothing? Come on.

BROWN:
Blows out your palette.

[Purple panting]
Whoa!

[splash]

- RED: Ew, Purps.
- PURPLE: Oh, boy.

RED:
Why are you wallowing in blood?

GREEN:
Yeah. Why you wallowing, Purps?

PURPLE: You think I decided to
wallow by sitting in a puddle of blood?

- GREEN: Hmm, Purps's got a point, Redsie.
- [Purple sighs]

- ORANGE: Fun reminder.
- [Purple screams]

ORANGE:
MIRA assumes no liability

for any and all cartoonish
blood puddle slip-and-falls.

GREEN:
Bloodle policy's ironclad.

PURPLE: Isn't anybody
worried, I don't know,

why there's blood
outside of MedBay?

RED:
Wait, shut up.

Why is there blood
outside of MedBay?

PURPLE:
It's locked.

- RED: Captain to the rescue.
- PURPLE: Whoa!

- [crash]
- Damn it.

RED:
[grunts] Captain's kick.

[Purple groans]

RED: Wow, sucks that I'm
so ripped, huh? [Chuckles]

Hey, Blue, what's wrong...
you dead in there or something?

[all gasp]

[Red gasps]

PURPLE:
Maybe we can see if Blue

is okay on the MedBay camera.

RED: Oh, you still collect
vintage binoculars, huh?

[exhales sharply]
Hot, hot, hot...

PURPLE:
Hmm. Blue's in there, all right.

ORANGE:
But why aren't they responding?

GREEN: Yeah, and how
do we get in to find out?

- [Lime grunts] Damn, wrong turn.
- [all scream]

GREEN: Great Caesar's Worm Farm,

how do you fit in those vents?

LIME: Easy. Years
of scalding hot yoga

gave me squish bone syndrome.

[strains]
Keeps my bone limber.

GREEN: Note to self:
"get yoga syndrome."

LIME: Yes, sir, squeezing
through those hot metal tubes

is like the warm caress
of a perpetual adult childbirth.

RED:
Uh, Green, Captain's tip:

never ask Lime
anything ever again.

PURPLE: Lime, uh, can you
access MedBay using the vents?

[Lime scoffs]
Can a chemtrail do a backflip?

PURPLE: I'll take that as a yes,
which is profoundly kind of me.

ORANGE: But we all know Lime is,
uh, navigationally challenged.

RED: True, Purple's idea sucks.
New plan.

I'll guide Lime through
the vents into MedBay

using my impeccable
sense of direction.

And these blueprints.

Left. Left.

Another, uh...
uh, what does this say?

I don't know,
I guess, uh, eight lefts.

LIME:
I'm blind as a bat down here,

which, I'll have you know,
they weren't always blind,

but made not to see.

CYAN: But in my next dream,
I was on a roller coaster,

which my ThetaHealer says
symbolically represents...

BLACK: Childhood
fear of roller coasters?

CYAN:
Yes. See? Now you're getting it.

- [shouts]
- LIME: Gah. You ain't Blue.

CYAN:
I mean, I'm blue-curious.

RED:
Uh, which way is north in space?

- Uh...
- [Purple grunts]

Try hanging three rights

where Red said
to take ten lefts.

[grunting]

[mutters]

♪ ♪

GREEN:
Hi, there.

- [Lime screams]
- [all screaming]

RED: One dead crewmate,
sure, that's an oopsie.

But two?
Makes me look like a bad leader.

And I can't let that happen.

ORANGE:
I'm afraid you already have.

RED: I'm a good captain.
I can't let MIRA down.

I'm good.

Green, mop up that bloodle.

Orange, gather the crew
so we can tactfully tell them

about Blue's possible
graphic death.

Purple, rewind the footage
so we can see

how or if Blue died.

- ORANGE: Aye aye.
- GREEN: Mm-hmm.

PURPLE: Yeah, so, again,
the cameras can't rewind

because they don't record.

RED: Well, why weren't you
watching? Isn't that your whole job?

PURPLE: Uh, I had to
call my cool cousin Josh.

Joshy.

RED: Make a call?
When comms are down?

PURPLE:
Well, I-I was practicing.

Practicing my-my call
to my cool cousin Joshy.

RED: Oh, come on.
I know you. Don't lie.

PURPLE: What? H-How could
you even assume I would...

I-I mean, I-I'm not lying.

RED:
Eh, whatever you say, Purple.

Mm, okay.

Yep, definitely dead.

Even in death, Blue can make
being covered in pink goo work.

What a legacy.

LIME:
Where's the last body scan?

The doctor promised
to destroy mine!

RED: Uh, I know
part of your "process"

is being "eccentric,"

but you can't
just trash the place.

LIME: Weren't me.
Something sabotaged this joint

like a government-funded
tornado.

And that ain't
the whole parfait.

This scan's got no bone.

RED: Hmm. Whose
bone-less scan is this?

LIME:
No clue. Still missing one,

and Blue never got a chance
to label the lot of them

before buying a one-way ticket
to the devil's playground.

RED:
Hmm.

[mumbling]

No bone. Huh?

Huh.

No biggie.

One of the scans is missing

because Blue promised
to destroy yours, right?

And the bone thing?
Probably a glitch.

LIME: Bah. Glitches
are just big tech's way

of gaslighting your computer.

RED:
Uh, yeah. [Laughs]

Those words are all
in a sentence.

Now, time to tell the crew
there's another corpse on board.

♪ ♪

[alarm blares]

COMPUTER:
Emergency meeting.

Emergency meeting.

ORANGE:
Hi, team.

Here to circle back
and touch base with you all,

- the captain.
- [Red clears throat]

Crewmates.
A crew of mates.

Sounds so simple,
but is it really?

Nay.

Alas, I am tasked with sharing
the official cause of death

for a mate of crew.

Try to live as they might,

Blue officially died of...
[clears throat]

acute ripping off of the face.

[all exclaiming, clamoring]

CYAN: Oh, that was the
most beautiful part about them.

Other than their brain,
body, shoulders,

emotional intelligence
and depth of self.

BLACK: Yeah, now I'm stuck
looking at you ugly losers.

No offense.

- PURPLE: No, you're right.
- [all agreeing]

CYAN:
I understand.

GREEN:
Who'll be the hot one now?

- RED: I will.
- BROWN: Yellow.

YELLOW:
Aw, thanks, Brown.

RED: No, me. I can
be the hot one now.

ORANGE: Fun reminder.
Nobody's the hot one.

We're all equally mediocre,
formless, non-sexual beings

- who are very, very ugly.
- ALL: AW.

PURPLE: Hate to steer
conversation to anything...

I don't know...
remotely important,

but shouldn't we be worried?

Isn't there a m*rder*r among us?

RED: Uh, no way.
Two deaths? [Chuckles]

That's just a couple
run-of-the-mill accidents.

Now, three makes it
a m*rder mystery.

BLACK: Any one of
us could be the k*ller.

CYAN: Maybe the roller
coaster in my dream represents...

m*rder?

YELLOW:
Quick, Brown... one, two, three.

- Not a k*ller. Ah.
- BROWN: Not a k*ller. Ah.

ORANGE:
Purple, was it you?

Leading us to Blue
with your so-called slip?

RED: Hmm, "whoever
smelt it dealt it" rules.

- Interesting.
- PURPLE: What?

With that logic, it could be
Red or Green or Lime or you.

- We all found Blue's body together.
- GREEN: True.

And if you need me
to be the m*rder*r,

I'll happily take the fall
to beef up my résumé.

ORANGE:
No.

Self-imposed
wrongful imprisonment

is against company policy.

Company-imposed wrongful
imprisonment only.

YELLOW: Any decision
about who the k*ller is

should be mutually agreed upon.

No truth, no pizza.

When the blood spills,
the marinara doesn't.

CYAN:
Stop with the bad vibes.

Solutions come
from good vibes only.

BLACK:
Yes, classic scientific method:

hypothesis, vibes, conclusion.

[all clamoring]

LIME: Why's nobody talking
about the no-bone scan?!

[Red laughing weakly]

- Oh, Lime, you batty ol' coot.
- LIME: I'm younger than you!

- RED: Wait, you are?
- LIME: I was born on a leap year.

I'm only six years old.

RED:
Ah, yes, of course you are.

Buddy, that so-called
no-bone scan?

It was just a glitch, remember?
Nothing nefarious.

[Lime chuckles] That's what
they want you to think.

It's a classic UFO cover-up.

GREEN:
Golly. The m*rder*r's an alien?

ORANGE: Preposterous.
Aliens aren't real.

RED: Yeah, kid, don't goad
Lime. They're, uh... Hmm.

What's the polite way
to say, uh...

[mimics gurgling, babbling]

LIME: Bah. The only...
[mimics babbling] I see is

the bravado of thinking
we're the only intelligent life

in this lonely infinity.

Now, lean in close

as I weave a tale
of possible truth.

RED: [scoffs] Yeah,
okay, let's cede the floor

to the most sane member
of our crew.

♪ ♪

LIME: The k*ller's an
alien and it likes to k*ll

and it looks like this.

DRAWING:
Hey, buddy.

- YELLOW: Oh, wow.
- ORANGE: Really?

BLACK: If this visor
was an eye, I would roll it.

LIME: You... don't
believe I drew this?

BLACK: Oh, no, we
all believe that part.

ALL:
Mm-hmm.

GREEN;
Okay, maybe not an alien.

LIME: No! It's the perfect
shape to hide in bodies.

RED:
Enough! I'm the captain.

And I captain's promise you,
aliens aren't real.

And even if they are,
they don't like to k*ll.

LIME:
[grunts] None of you are safe!

I know the truth.
I know your secrets.

The vents whisper them to me.

Like your little secret
in Oxygen.

And your little book
that traps people's dreams.

CYAN:
Uh, you mean my dream journal?

PURPLE: Oh, c...
c-clearly, Lime's lost it. See?

LIME:
You'll all be sorry.

When the aliens come for you

and crawl
their little stick bodies

inside you blobby bodies,
you'll all be sorry.

Chaos has found a new home!

BLACK: So, clearly, the lone
wolf who went off the deep end

is the k*ller, right?

CYAN: I don't know. Lime's
fear feels so traumatic.

So real.

YELLOW: So real because
Lime's afraid of us discovering

their filthy truth?

[scoffs] If I k*lled Blue,
I'd deny it, too.

RED: Hmm, of course,
whoever denied it supplied it...

ORANGE: Lime is the only
one of us able to fit into the vents.

If they could enter
to open the MedBay doors...

GREEN: [gasps] They
could have also snuck in

to k*ll Blue in the first place.

RED:
But, uh, either way,

I think we can all agree
it's a bummer to suspect

our weird, suspicious,

definitely-not-six-years-old
friend Lime.

But on the flip side,

nice to agree it's not an alien.

The more plausible
and comforting solution

is that it's a m*rder*r.

Just a regular ol' m*rder*r.
[chuckling] No biggie.

YELLOW: They've got guilt
written all over them.

[indistinct chatter]

PURPLE:
Hey, hey, you...

what are doing over there?

Oh, uh, me?
[weak chuckle]

I'm just standing here.

[chuckles]
No biggie.

Keybot, Keybot, Keybot. Keybot.

Chirp.