01x19 - The Honorable Don Charlie Story

[bunniefuu]

There.

I think I got it right
this time.

Does this suit you?

Please, Tottie, always knock

before entering
a gentleman's boudoir.

Knock? On what... that blanket?

Well, the shirt
is fine, thank you.

How you can calmly
sit there taking a bath

when you know very well that
Big Frank is on his way here,

and by now knows
that debt was marked!

If I must die, Tottie, let
me do it like a gentleman...

Bathed and properly attired.

Unless he shoots you
right there in the tub.

Ha ha!

Where is he? Where's that duke,

or whatever he calls himself?

No, not duke, Sergeant.

That is my father's
title. I am only a count.

All right, Count.
You know who I am?

No, but you seem to know me.

I ought to. You cleaned out
every man at the post last week.

But you ain't never got
around to playin' a champeen.

Oh, that is you, I assume?

That's me... champ poker
player of the whole outfit.

And I'm here to get
our money back.

Now, are you gonna
play or ain't you?

Well, now that you
put it that way, yes.

See you tonight.

I'll see you tonight,
and I'll see you all day.

I'm stickin'
right with you, Count.

Well, in that case, hand
me a towel, will you...

Like a good fellow?

Thank you.

Sure be nice, won't it, Major...

Seeing the town again?

Don't be flattering.
It ain't much of a town.

But at least it's a town.

It's been so long,
I won't know what to do.

You'll know
what to do, all right.

You'll head for
the nearest saloon.

Heh! There's only
one of 'em there,

so don't try to
drink it dry, will you?

I know that, but I'll
sure give it a try.

Any sign of that
place yet, Bill?

Nope, not yet. I only went
out ahead a mile or two.

But it better be there.

I'm gettin'
a little saddle-happy.

Hiya, Miss Julie, Miss Wharton.

Hello, Mr. Hawks.

Where is that town

everyone's talking
about, young man?

We ain't more than an hour
or two away from it.

What kind of place
is it, do you know?

Sure, it's Dobie Flats,
near Laramie.

It's a great big town,
Miss Julie.

Must be at least


Believe me, Tottie,
it breaks my heart

to have to send you
back to Frank,

but such are
the fortunes of w*r.

I do not mind facing
one p*stol at a time,

but two pistols... that makes
the odds a bit too steep.

Are you sure you're not
just trying to get rid of me?

How can you say that?

You know how much
I think of you.

I don't know.

I don't know whether
it's me you're after

or just somebody
to do your shirts.

Now, please, Tottie, you
know me better than that.

You never gave me a chance.

We've only been together a week,

and you spent most of
the time playing poker.

Do not complain...

If it were not for the cards,

we would not have had
even this short time together.

Good-bye, Tottie.

My thoughts will
always be with you.

Your thoughts will always
be with me, starting when?!

I beg your pardon.

Charlie, I got an idea.

We could ride out of town
a couple of miles in your rig,

and the driver could follow us.

Oh, much as I would
like to, Tottie,

I, uh, I'm afraid I'm
unavoidably detained in town.

He sure is.

He's detained until we
play that game I come for.

Oh, parting is such
sweet sorrow, my dear.

Please go now,

and let me seal
this golden moment

in my memory.

All right! Go!

That's mighty fancy talk
if ever I heard any.

Always treat a loose woman
like a duchess, Sergeant.

Or vice-versa.

I have always found it
most rewarding...

Especially with duchesses.

What can I do for you, ladies?

Would you show me
some cologne, please?

Sorry, ma'am. Ain't got
a drop in the place.

Oh, well, is there
another store in town?

No. If you wanted whiskey,

I could give you ten kinds.

But cologne? Heh heh.

This isn't a cologne town.

Hmm.

My last bottle's broken.

Oh, don't fret, Julie.

No one around here worth
smelling good for anyway.

Excuse me. I could
not help overhearing.

If the young lady would
like some cologne,

I would be very happy to
present her with a bottle of my own.

Oh, I couldn't ask that.

CLERK: You couldn't
go wrong, ma'am.

The honorable count here
would have only the best.

Honorable count?

The courtesy title of
the younger son of a duke.

Don Carlos Jesus Maria Ramon Diego
Ribar Jacon de Fuentes, Grande of Spain.

My friends call me Charlie.

Well, I'm Molly Wharton.

And this is my niece Julie.

How do you do?

It's a pleasure to know you.

Oh, dear, imagine...

Finding a real live count
way out here.

I admit I have
traveled rather far

from the family estates,

but at the moment,
I cannot say I am sorry.

My, my. If the men
in San Francisco

could only talk like that.

You ladies are from
San Francisco?

Well, I am. My niece
Julie is from Baltimore.

She's coming out
to live with us.

You are on the wagon train
that came in this morning.

Yes. Yes.

The road was rather bumpy.

That's how I broke
the bottle of cologne.

Heh heh.

Big doings for you
wagon train folk tonight.

See this?

That's just real nice
of you people.

Well, we don't see many
strangers around here,

and we get kind of tired

lookin' at each other
all the time.

Now for the cologne.

If you ladies will come
with me, I will get it for you.

And, with your permission,

I would like to drive
you back to your camp.

Is that all right, Aunt Molly?

Of course it's all right.

He's honorable, isn't he?

Howdy, Tex.

Wash 'em clean, gals.
Wash 'em clean.

Hey, Bill. What are you doin'?

Gettin' all shaved up
for that dance tonight?

Well, I ain't shavin'
for you, Major.

Ohh!

Hey, Chuck, you're gonna
have to wear a tag on your shirt.

I won't know you with
all that dust off your face.

Well, maybe I won't
even know myself.

But I figured I ought to get
duded up a little bit for that shindig.

You know, I'd hate to be
the scout on this train.

Poor old McCullough
out there someplace,

and be dancin' around
with Julie Wharton.

That'll be the day.

Hey, you reckon I might
wrangle myself a dance with her?

Well, don't ask me.
I'm not her chaperone.

You said yourself, you were
supposed to keep an eye on her.

I promised her uncle that
I'd give her a safe trip.

But that don't mean I have
to be a wet nurse to her.

If you want to dance
with Julie Wharton,

you ask her.
Or else as her Aunt Molly.

Hey, Major, maybe you could
put a word in with that aunt.

She really lights up
when you're around.

Chuck...

Molly Wharton is a paying
customer on this train,

and that's as far as it goes.

I'm with you, Major.

Runnin' a wagon train
is a full-time job.

It don't give a man no time
for monkey-shining around.

Heh.

All in all, though,
she's a mighty handsome woman.

You know, Wooster,

maybe you'd better save me
some of that hot water.

I might want to do
a little cleanin' up myself.

Enough said.

A wonderful ride, Don Carlos.

And, oh, this carriage.

Why, my brother,
with all his money,

doesn't have one
quite as elegant as this.

Your brother? Yes.

Julie's uncle in San Francisco.

He went west when he was young.

In '49. Now he has more
gold than he can count.

And he wants to spend
all of it on Julie.

I cannot imagine a more
attractive investment.

Careful.

Oh, Major Adams.
Come here a minute.

I want you to meet
our new friend,

Honorable Don Carlos,
Major Adams.

Howdy.

Not the Major Adams?
I've heard of you.

I've heard of you, too.

These ladies were good
enough to let me bring them here.

He's taking Julie
to the dance tonight.

We're all going,
aren't we, Major?

Well, I hadn't really
thought about...

It's quite all right. I've just
accepted your invitation.

Ma'am, I hadn't even
asked you yet...

No, I know.
But you were going to.

Come along, Julie.

I'll see you tonight.

Thanks for the cologne.

And I'll see you right
now for a minute, señor.

At your service, Major.

They tell me that
this "Honorable"

that you've tacked on
the front of your name

is detachable.

Meaning?

Meaning that you can take it off

any time it suits
your convenience,

which is most of the time.

I am a gambler
by profession, Major.

I, uh, suit my attitude to
the fortunes of the game.

That's not quite
the way I heard it.

I heard you were a cheapskate,

a card cheat, a thief...

And a bounder?

Yes, add that in, too,
if you like.

And you are concerned because
of my attentions to Miss Wharton.

Well, I promised her uncle

that I'd give her
a safe trip out west.

So far, she's had it.

I don't think that her
going to a dance with me

is going to change all that.

No, I'm gonna
make sure it won't.

I'll be at the dance myself.

Good. I'll save a dance for you.

Thank you. If I was you,

I'd try to remember

that you shouldn't
push your luck too far.

Don't worry, Major.

I never bet unless
I think I have a sure thing.

I'm sure you don't.

JULIE: Don Carlos?

Did I remember to thank
you for the cologne?

I'll remind you of that tonight.

Isn't it wonderful

to see folks having a good time?

Well, I can't say I'm
particularly enjoying myself.

Why, Major, I'm insulted.

Oh, I didn't mean you, ma'am.

But aren't you a little bit worried
about your friend Don Carlos

makin' eyes at Miss Julie?

Don't be such a killjoy, Major.

Let the child enjoy herself.

It's been so long
since I've danced

with someone who doesn't
step on your feet all the time.

Can't tell you how much
I'm enjoying it.

Must you really leave
in the morning?

The Major thinks
it's best we keep moving

while the weather's good.

If I had any influence
with the elements...

I would arrange
a sudden tornado.

You keeping your word
or ain't you?

Ladies first, Sergeant.

He's been waiting for you
since the dance started.

If I'm keeping you
from something...

Oh, not at all.

And he's not the only one.

There seem to be a few
gentlemen waiting for you, too.

I have a strange feeling

they think they should
be dancing with you.

This is a special evening,
and I'd rather be with you.

Heh heh.

Now, that is something
I can arrange.

They're gonna tire out someday.

I'm gonna have another drink.

Say, Sergeant. Yeah?

You see where they went? Who?

Miss Julie and that
fancy friend of yours.

He ain't no friend of mine.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Bill, you'd better come with me.

Right.

Even the breeze is
heading west, Julie.

San Francisco.

I wonder what it will be like.

Oh, you will love it.

Your uncle throwing
gold at your feet,

young men throwing their hearts.

I don't want to talk about that.

I don't want to think about it.

Are you homesick for...
Was it Baltimore?

Oh, I don't know.

I do miss the flowers...

The lilacs and the hollyhocks.

I guess I am homesick.

Hmm. There are times
when I miss Spain, too.

I suppose we actually
never really leave home,

wherever it was.

But I have learned to
live for the moment, Julie...

for now.

I do not look back anymore.

It's much better
this way, believe me.

Do you ever look ahead?

Oh, I never think of tomorrow.

Especially this tomorrow...

because you will be gone.

Don't say that.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

Julie, I shouldn't
say this, either.

Something has come into my life,

something soft and warm
like the breeze.

Something that envelops me

for a brief moment,
and then is gone.

I don't know
what's happened to me.

I...

I've always been
so sure of myself.

I knew where I was going,
what I wanted to do.

Now I don't know.

The breeze has stopped, Julie.

The breeze can do
whatever it wants.

I wish I were that free.

Hey, come on! Wake up!

Hey!

That Spaniard's got
a room in here, hasn't he?

Who? Oh, Don Charlie?

Yes, him. Yep.

You seen him around here lately?

There ain't been
anybody here yet.

They're all up to the dance.

Where's his room? He ain't in.

You're lyin'! Wait a minute...

All right, Sergeant. That'll do.

Now, where's his room?

Up the stairs,

first door to the right.

Better go up
and have a look, boys.

Say, you'd better
look under the bed

and in the clothes closet, too.

Well, he ain't here...
That's for certain.

Let's go.

MAN: Enjoying yourself, Major?

Well, where have you been?

We have been looking for you.

I can imagine.

Miss Julie, it's time for
us to get back to camp.

Dawn comes mighty
early these days.

Do we have to leave
in the morning, Major?

I'm delivering you to
San Francisco, young lady,

and the last I heard,

San Francisco isn't planning
to move this way.

I would be very happy
to drive Miss Wharton

and her aunt back to the camp.

I wouldn't think of putting you

to that much trouble, señor.

We leave now, ladies.

And I was hoping for
a dance with you, señora.

If you ever get
to San Francisco,

I'm going to hold you to that.

Ha ha! That alone
would be worth the trip.

Good night, Miss Wharton.

Good night.

Good-bye, Don Carlos.

Not good-bye, Julie.

Just good night.

Good night and
good-bye, Don Carlos.

You aren't forgetting
our little game, are you?

If you are still anxious to get
rid of your money, Sergeant,

I'm more than willing to oblige.

I assume you brought
money, Sergeant.

Every man in the outfit's
is in here.

Cut.

Any time you want
to quit, Sergeant...

I ain't quittin'. Just had a
run of bad luck, that's all.

But it'll change.

It will, I assure you.

It will get worse.

I'll bet 100.

I'll raise 100.

I'll see it...

and I'll raise you 100.

Well, I'm light 100.

I'll see what you have.

Beat a jack-high
straight, mister.

They tell me a straight flush

has always been
a very fine hand.

Oh, you won't need that
anymore, huh?

Did I hear you say
you were shy $100?

I don't have any. I'm clean.

Well, you'll need a little
something to take you back to camp.

Uh... I must warn you.

There's a trick to it.

In return for this,
I'll want a favor done.

Yeah? What's the favor?

If you gentlemen
will excuse us...

this is a private matter.

Come along with me.

Where's Major Adams?
I gotta see him.

What's all the excitement?

The Army declare w*r
or something?

Where is he? I don't know.

He's around here someplace.

Now we're out on this trail,

and you'll have
forgot all about him.

I thought at least he might've
come out to say good-bye.

You know something, ladies?

We'll be a half a day
on the trail

before a fella like him
climbs out of bed.

Still, it would've been
nice to see him again.

Major Adams? That's me.

I got bad news for you. Oh?

There's Indian trouble up ahead.

We've got orders to hold
all wagons from going west

until we get an all-clear order.

How long is that gonna be?

Oh, two, three days.
A week, maybe.

MAJOR: Oh, that's fine!

And I got a contract says
I gotta deliver this train

to California
before the end of summer.

Well, them Indians can't
read contracts, Major.

Oh, you're very funny, Sergeant.

That'll do.

Indians, huh?

What's McCullough
been doin' out there?

Oh, I don't know.
He's always out there

when he's supposed to be here.

But he'd better know something
about this when he gets back.

In the meantime, we should
do like the Army says, huh?

That's right. We sit here

and twiddle our thumbs
till we get the word.

Well, I'm glad somebody's
happy about this.

Come on, Major.

Well, we're even now.

How did the Major
take the bad news?

He didn't like it. But the
wagon trains won't be movin'.

Good. Now,
if you'll excuse me...

You goin' out to see the girl?

Not just yet.

First I have an engagement
with the lilacs.

Hey!

Excellent sh**ting. Thanks.

I can use it in my line of work.

I am Don Carlos de Fuentes.

I'm Flint McCullough.

Oh, you're the scout
for the wagon train.

It's a pleasure to know you.

Thank you. You, uh...

got yourself a mite
scratched up here.

I will survive.

Uh, thank you for showing
up at that exact moment.

I was on my way
back to the train.

Sure didn't expect to run
into any Indians out here.

I must say, I didn't myself.

Maybe I ought to ask
what you're doing out here.

I'm picking lilacs. You're what?

Oh.

If you're going back
to the wagon train,

perhaps you can
do me a favor, eh?

There's a Miss
Julie Wharton there.

Could you give her these
for me, please?

I'd deliver them myself, but I
really should get back to the hotel

and look after this wound.

Sure, I'll be glad to.

You think it is strange, eh?

If it were not for you,
Mr. McCullough,

I would probably
be pushing up daisies.

Heh!

Howdy, Major.

Hello, Flint.

You, uh...

been goin' without
your hat again?

What do you mean?

Looks to me like the
sun's been gettin' to you.

I don't know what
you're talkin' about.

Well, I never thought
I'd see the day

when you'd come
bustin' into camp

with a handful of flowers.

These? These aren't mine, Major.

Well, don't tell me you
were bringin' them to me.

No.

These are for, uh,
Miss Julie Wharton.

I ran into a friend of hers
about three miles west of here.

He was pickin' them for her.

Three miles...

Hey, did you say
three miles west?

Yeah.

Who was out there?

Don Carlos de Fuentes.

Oh, that fake Spaniard.

Indian trouble
all over the place,

and he's out pickin' flowers.

Unless you'd call four
scared Indians "trouble",

there's none out there.

In case you hadn't
heard about it,

the Army's got us
tied down here.

We can't leave until
they give us a clearance.

They tell me there's Indian
trouble all over the place.

The Army might know more
about it than I do, but I doubt it.

But I'll go out and see
which one of us is right

just as soon as I give
these to Miss Wharton.

All right? All right.

Hello, Miss Wharton.
Is Miss Julie around?

Yes, she's in the wagon.

Julie! You've got a caller!

Oh, hello, Mr. McCullough.

Hello, Miss Julie.

I came to bring you these.

Don Carlos asked me
to give them to you.

Oh, he remembered.

Lilacs.

Couldn't he have brought
them to me himself?

No, he had to go back
to the hotel

and get his hand
bandaged. He's hurt?

Well, you see,
there was these Indians,

and there was some shootin'...

Oh, he risked his life for me.

Well, I wouldn't say
it was as bad as that.

Aunt Molly?

Aunt Molly, put these
in water for me.

I'll be right back.

If I'd had known lilacs
did that for a girl,

I'd have been out there
pickin' them myself.

It was good of you
to come, Julie.

And do not say that the flowers

were not worth all this
pain and suffering.

I assure you, they were.

No.

Too seemly.

This is kind of you, Julie.

I knew the moment
you came here to me,

the pain would go.

Hmm.

That's the one.

Come in.

This is kind of you, Julie.

I knew the moment you came here

that the pain would go.

What pain?

Who's Julie?! Tottie!

Yeah! Tottie!

Surprised, huh?

I thought you were
back with Big Frank.

What happened?

Big Frank my foot.

Remember, we thought
he was after us

with both g*ns loaded?

Well, he was
after us, all right,

but he happened to run into a
couple of well-healed freighters.

He's been playing poker
with them ever since.

All week?

I hope he's winning.

Charlie, don't you see?
Now's our chance.

Now we can really get
a head start on them.

They're still at it. We can
go wherever we please.

You can go, Tottie. I have
made other commitments.

Oh.

Oh, you are expecting
someone else.

This Julie... who is she?

No one you know, Tottie.
She's with the wagon train.

She may be only here a few days.

You met her while I was gone,

while my back was turned!

Yes, and you can turn it
again, Tottie, as you leave.

I want to tell you
something, Honorable.

If Big Frank doesn't get
around to k*lling you,

I just might do it myself!

Shh, shh.

Charlie!

Thank goodness. I thought
you might be badly hurt.

I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to intrude.

You're not intruding my dear.

Miss Wharton, Miss Crane.

Miss Crane was just leaving.

Uh, yes, I, um...

I heard about his big
battle with the Indians

and I came to see
if he was still alive.

It was kind of you. Fortunately
for me, it was just a scratch.

Good day, Miss Crane.

Good day, Honorable.

I thought those Indians were
supposed to be such good shots.

I know it isn't proper

to come into a man's
room like this,

but when I heard you
were hurt, I had to find out.

As you see, it was nothing.

But you went out there
to pick the flowers for me.

You shouldn't have.

I consider picking flowers
for a beautiful young lady

of the utmost importance.

Well, that was very sweet and
brave of you. I thank you for them.

It was my pleasure.

Will you sit down?

Thank you.

Oh, uh... sherry?

No. No, thank you.

That Miss Crane...

Is she a close friend?

Uh...

let us say she's
an acquaintance, Julie.

This is a big, wide-open country

with only a few people in it.

One gets to know
everyone else very quickly.

Good.

Because I want to talk to you.

Ah?

Well, last night
was very romantic...

Just the two of us
under the stars.

I've thought a lot
about it since.

Ah, I have, too, of course.

And then this morning
when the news came

that we weren't leaving,
I was very happy.

No happier than I.

Well, that made me think
of going on to San Francisco

and what would be there
when I got there.

Charlie, I don't want to go.

Let me stay here with you.

What...

What about your Aunt Molly

and your uncle in San Francisco?

They'd probably disown me.

I don't care.

I've found what I want.

I want to be your wife.

My wife?

Ohh.

Julie, I am flattered.

But you ought to know
something about me.

I'm a man turned out
by his own family.

I am worthless, no good.

You're the man I love.

That is wonderful for
any man to hear, Julie.

But you're wrong.

You need time to think
these things over.

I've had all the time I need.

But, please, Julie,
take a little more.

For your own sake.

Shall we say... until tonight?

I'll be waiting at the camp.

I'll say it again...

They're all alike.

They sure are.

Who is?

Men are.

They are?

You just said they were!

Oh, then it must be so.

Come on, Tottie,
let's have a little dance.

I don't feel like dancing.

I feel like punching
somebody in the nose.

All right, then. Let's punch
somebody in the nose.

Hey, shorty.

How would you like a
punch right in the nose?

Oh, I didn't really want to
punch anybody in the nose.

It's all her idea.

And it's still a good one.

Don't you ever forget

what I told you about men!

I don't remember what she said,

but if I ever did,

I'm sure I wouldn't forget it.

Sergeant, what about
that clearance

you were telling me about?

Clearance?

Yeah. You told the major there
was Indian trouble west of here.

Seems like you're the only
one around that knows about it.

I don't know nothin' about any...

Oh, yeah. Plenty of trouble.

Listen here, boy.

Who's your commanding officer?

Captain Ripley, why?

Is that Captain John Ripley...

Kind of a tall, skinny,
bald-headed fella?

Yeah, you know him?

I know him well enough
to get you a court martial

for lying to me!

Oh, come on, Major!
Have a heart!

Well, Sergeant, I'm listening.

I owed that Don Charlie
some money,

so I paid him off...

with all them Indians
that ain't out there.

Wooster, go on back to camp.

Pass the word,
we pull out at dawn.

You stayin' for a while, Major?

Yeah, I'm gonna look up

that Honorable Don Charlie.

Don't blame him too much, Major.

It might've been love.
It's June, remember?

Go on, get out of here!

Don't stop to pick any
lilacs on the way, either!

Yes, sir!

TOTTIE: Honorable!

It's time for a showdown

between you and I.

Between you and me, Tottie.

But I can't right now.
It'll have to wait till later.

I've been waiting
till later too long!

Don Charlie.

I want to have
a little talk with you.

I saw him first.

You can have him after I
get through with him, miss,

if there's anything left of him.

Run along, Tottie, please.
I'll see you later.

Later. That's all I ever get.

Miss Julie Wharton tell me

that she's not leaving with
the train in the morning.

She also tells me
she's gonna stay here,

and you and her
are gonna get married.

There was some talk
about that, yes.

Well, for your information,

when that train leaves
at dawn tomorrow,

that girl's gonna be on it.

Ah, I take it you know
about my Indians, eh?

I do, and I know about you.

And I know that nothing
worse could happen

to girl like Julie Wharton.

What if I told you I was
on my way out there now

to say exactly that to her?

I'd call you a liar.

Then I suggest
you come along with me.

This better be
on the level, mister,

'cause I'd like nothing
better than to take you apart.

Which was is the Wharton wagon?

Right over there. I want to
be there when you tell her.

Go ahead. Whoa.

He may be everything
you say he is,

but I can't let you stay
here in this wilderness

a marry a man you barely know.

Your Uncle John would
think I was out of my mind,

and he'd be quite right.

I don't want to go on
to San Francisco.

I want to stay where he is.

Charlie, I'll get my things.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Julie, don't get your things.

You're going on with
the train in the morning.

Charlie, what I said
this afternoon...

I thought about it.
I still mean it.

I should not have let you
say those things.

I'm sorry you made
a fool of yourself.

Don't say that.
I don't believe you.

I'm going back with you.

I'm afraid that might
prove a bit embarrassing.

You see, I happen
to be a married man.

You're married?

The girl you met today...

Miss Crane, Tottie.

You told me she was
just a good friend.

We were married about
a year ago, secretly.

Heh. We have our differences,

but, uh... we're married.

Aunt Molly?

I think you'd better leave
us alone, young man.

TOTTIE: This time I'm talkin',
and nobody's stoppin' me!

Before I tell him
what I think of him,

I'm gonna tell you something,
honey, only for your own good.

Tottie... I'll get to you next!

You heard a lot of fancy
words from him, didn't you?

And you believed them,
just like I did.

Tottie...

He'll give you a lot
of beautiful promises.

But they're all gonna
go up in the air,

just like balloons.

The Honorable Don Charlie!

Honey, don't you believe
a word he tells you.

Nothing!

Not even that he's
married to you?

Married?

You're not serious?

Honorable here just ain't
the marrying kind.

You'll find that out if you
stick around long enough.

Charlie, it isn't true?

I tried, Major.

Wait a minute.

He... He told you that
he and I were married?

Well, if you're Tottie,
he certainly did.

I'm sorry, Tottie.

I'll just bet you are.

And you're gonna be
a lot sorrier

before I get through with you!

I promise you that!

Well, you see, Julie?

In addition to everything else,

I'm a liar.

Oh, Charlie. I know what
you were trying to do.

You were going to save
me from making a mistake.

Is that it? Not quite.

I did it to show you that
I am not the one for you,

or for anyone.

What a lot of people have
said about me is true.

I will not inflict it on you.

I don't care what they've said.

Everything's all right now.

You will come to
San Francisco with us.

Now, lookie here, Miss Julie.

I'm runnin' this
wagon train, and...

Major, you may be
running the wagon train,

but you're not running my life.

Charlie, you will come with us.

I'll pack my things
and be back in an hour.

Come in.

Honorable?

Tottie, this is a surprise.

You came to say good-bye.

I came for something else.

I came to say that you're
not goin' anywhere.

Now, Tottie, let's talk
this thing over.

Sure, we'll talk it over.
Sit down, Charlie.

You got anything to say...
Now's the time to say it.

From the looks of things,
there's nothing much left to say.

You told that girl
you couldn't marry her

'cause you were already married.

You told me
the same thing once...

That you were already married.

Well, now you can
tell everybody,

because you and I are
gonna find a preacher!

Oh, Tottie, you certainly
do not believe

in shotgun weddings.

I believe in weddings!

I don't care what kind.
I'm just like any other girl.

Oh, I believe
in them, too, but...

why me? What about Frank?

You've known him much longer.

He's not here... that's what
about him. And you are.

I am here.

There's no denying that.

And you're stayin' here...

until we find a preacher
in the morning.

Well, might as well
make some use

of the time we got.

Deal.

Come to bed, Julie. It's late.

He said he'd be here in an hour.

That's nothing to worry about.

He's just showing
how honest he is.

He told you he's a man
you can't trust,

and now he's proving it.

Come on.

Big Frank!

Frank, you're a lifesaver!

Me? Heh.

I come here
to k*ll you, Charlie.

I never like to hit a man
when he's sittin' down.

That has never been
a hobby of mine, either.

Frank, we have
a lot to talk about.

I'll do my talkin' later.

Go stealin' my girl, will ya?

Aah! Frank, my hand!

I ought to hit you anyway!

I was afraid of that.

All right, what
have you got to say?

I did not steal
your girlfriend. She...

I won her fairly and squarely.

You cheated. Them cards
of yours was marked.

Well, if they were,
I apologize, Frank.

But no one can say that
Carlos de Fuentes is a man

who will not give a
friend a second chance.

We will play again.

All right.

Only this time, with
my deck. Agreed.

Wait a minute!
What's goin' on here?!

It's simple. If Frank
wins, you go with him.

Well, I like that!
Don't I have anything to say

about who I'm gonna marry?

Who said anything
about marriage?

Let us say she suggested it...

in a way that no gentleman
could possibly say no.

Well, then I guess
I'm no gentleman.

Frank! Do you mean to tell me

that you wouldn't marry me
if you had the chance?

Maybe I'm not good enough
for you, huh?

Sure you are, honey.
I never said you weren't.

It's just that, well, I... I...

I'm not the kind to get tied
down. You know what I mean.

Frank, just for that,
I'm gonna marry you.

Congratulations, Frank!
And my best wishes!

Now, wait a minute! You said
that we were gonna play for her.

Are you gonna
welch on your word?

Well, I thought you
wanted her back, Frank.

Under the circumstances,

it is only decent
that I bow out.

Well, come on, come on!
I don't have all day!

Which one's it gonna be?

Him! Him!

All right, all right,
we'll play.

I'll go get a fresh deck.

You're not goin' anywhere.

And neither are you.
I'm gonna get the cards.

The two of you just settle down,

'cause neither of you
are goin' anywhere.

Well? Sit down!

Major?

Couldn't we wait just
a few more minutes?

I know he'll be here.

Miss Julie, that
honorable con of yours

has never been up early
enough to see the dawn in his life...

unless he was sittin'
in a poker game.

Did you see him, Mr. McCullough?

No, Miss Julie,
I didn't exactly see him.

But I saw Tottie.

She was buying him
a deck of cards.

He had a poker game going.

I'm ready whenever
you are, Major.

Load up, everybody!

Let's get rolling!

Would you like to deal, Charlie?

No, I dealt last time, remember?

Deal. All right.

Cut it.

Five-card draw.

No cheating this time.

An honest game
for an honest woman.

Uh, three cards, please.

All right.

Two for me.

Let's see what you have, Frank.

Aww, tough.

All I got's a pair of fours.

I'm afraid that beats deuces.

Come on, Frank.

Congratulations to you both.

Let me see your discards.

That would not be gentlemanly.

I said I'm no gentleman!

Come on, Frank. The game's over!

We got a date with a preacher!

You cheated again!

I told you I came here
to k*ll you, Charlie,

and I meant it!

No!

Thank you, Tottie.

So, you're in on this, too?

Frank, so help me, I'd k*ll you

if we didn't have
a date with a preacher.

I really don't know

what you're getting so
indignant about, Frank.

You did a little
cheating yourself.

Okay, Charlie. You got me beat.

But don't think you'll
always get away with it.

One of these days, you're
gonna meet your match.

Ha ha ha! Don't lose
any sleep over it.

I already have.

Good luck, Tottie.

I'm leaving you my
carriage to remember me by.

Good-bye, Honorable.
Gee, I'll miss you.

Hey! None of that!

Maybe you forgot...
It's me that won her.

You're so right, Frank.

IAdiós, amigos!

Bye!

Come on, dear.

Charlie!

I must warn you again, Julie...

I'm a liar, I'm a
cheat, I'm a bounder.

I'm completely unreliable.

If you ever change,
I'll never speak to you.

As you see, I was
late this morning.

I might even be late
for our wedding.

I can always wait...

for the Honorable Don Charlie.

MAJOR: Come on, come on!

We gotta get movin'!
We haven't got all day!

Get in that wagon!

Hyah!

h*!