01x09 - Fishfinger

[bunniefuu]

♪ Spaceballs

♪ Hide your air and hide your water

♪ Hide your son and hide your daughter

♪ Here they come, it's time to run away

♪ Spaceballs

♪ They will pillage, they will ravage

♪ Every village they will savage

♪ They are here and they are here to stay

♪ They will show no pity

♪ There's no helping hand

♪ They'll destroy your city

♪ They'll destroy your land

♪ Run for shelter helter-skelter

♪ They are in command

♪ Spaceballs

♪ They are monstrous, they are ghoulish

♪ All resistance would be foolish

♪ Spaceballs are coming, so beware ♪

They're here.

[exclaiming]

That's cold.

[squeaking]

-[quacking] -[squeaking]

[Lone Starr reading]

Yep, this looks like the place.

I'm not even loaded yet,

but I swear I saw a guy with a duck on his head.

We're gonna get so toasted tonight.

Your wish is my command.

[exhales]

Looking good.

Oh, yeah. Look, check me out.

Nice.

[whistles]

You want me. I know it. Hello.

Yes, my good man. I'll have a Shirley Temple.

Shaken, not stirred.

You look Russian. I like that. [blows kiss]

[watch beeps]

[expl*si*n]

Dang, that's some good stuff.

It really blew my head off.

Mine, too.

[sipping]

♪ Fishfinger, Fishfinger ♪

♪ Fishfinger, fish ♪

♪ Swimming in for the k*ll ♪

♪ In the twitch of a gill ♪

♪ You will be lost in an ocean of lies ♪

♪ You can tell by the smell and the flies ♪

♪ It's Fishfinger, Fishfinger ♪

♪ Fishfinger, fish ♪

♪ Salmon, tuna or cod ♪

♪ Halibut, trout or scrod ♪

♪ Not squid 'cause that's a mollusk ♪

I can't believe someone blew up my ill*gal drug factory.

There are bad people in this world.

sh*t-heads.

How's a person supposed to make a dishonest living?

Well, there's always the insurance business.

There is something appealing about

denying coverage to the desperately ill.

Or you could go legit.

Hey, I think your helmet's on just a little too tight.

Uh, yeah, is there more of that pickled herring?

Not for you.

Are you gonna keep all the pickled herring for yourself?

Yeah, what if I do? What if I do?

In fact, what if I monopolize the entire galaxy's fish supply?

Yes, that's it! I love how I think.

I don't get it.

You're gonna get it. Can't you see?

Lucky for us, the galaxy's oceans

are rapidly being depleted of fish.

Yeah, lucky for us... Wait, how's that lucky?

Because we can corner the fish market, if...

If we blow up Fort Lox.

Fort Lox?

The largest cache of fish in the galaxy?

Exactamundo, my semi-brilliant friend.

Then, we come out with our own brand of fish sticks.

I'll be the kingfish of the fish finger world.

Everyone, everyone, will beg me to sell them my overpriced,

reconstituted, deep-fried, disgusting fish fingers.

We could put some additives in them to make them addictive.

[both laughing maniacally]

Then, we could start our own drive-through restaurants

across the universe and beyond.

Holy mackerel!

That's a semi-brilliant plan, President Skroob.

This has got to be top secret, do you hear me? Top secret!

From now on, call me by my code name.

Fishfinger. And I'll call you by yours.

Oh, goody. I get a code name.

I'll call you, Bad Job.

[sighs] Bad Job?

No whining, or you can call yourself out of a job.

Now, let operation Slam Clam begin.

Lone Starr, nice work, taking out

the last ill*gal Drugs R Us factory.

Now if we could only get people to stop abusing legal drugs.

I'm sorry. What'd you say?

I have a terrible hangover.

Try a pickled herring. Here, it might help.

But only one, this is my last jar.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

[exclaiming] You're serious about your herring.

Just kidding!

Eight hundred years I've been doing that joke. Still works.

But seriously, this pickled herring shortage

is just the tip of the iceberg.

I feel it in my Schwartz.

Skroob is up to something nefarious.

Wait a minute. Skroob's a fairy?

[sighs] Nefarious. I said nefarious. Look it up.

[groans] Why can't the Schwartz help him with his vocabulary?

Anyway, so what do we do?

We come up with a plan.

For this operation, I'm giving you a code name.

Double-oh-Sven.

I think you mean "seven."

No, Sven, Sven, it's Scandinavian.

They have the best smoked fish,

not to mention a couple of beauty natural blondes.

Yogurt, I heard that.

I said, dear, mein darling, I said bonds, savings bonds.

Yeah, right. No comment.

Hey, what about me? Do I get a code name, too?

Yes, yes, you'll be, Double-oh-Gunther.

Oh! Double-oh-Gunther. Cool.

Why do I suddenly feel like yodeling and eating fondue?

Fondue's Swiss, not Scandinavian.

What do I care? I'm hungry.

And that brings us back to the pickled herring.

[watch beeping]

Oh-oh, it's Vespa. She needs me right away.

Oh. She needs him right away.

Sure, sure, let's put saving the galaxy's food supply on hold

because you've got a needy girlfriend.

She's not needy.

[watch beeping]

I'm sorry, I really gotta go.

Yeah, yeah, I really gotta go, too. But, you know, behind a bush.

[exclaims]

[footsteps approaching]

[crashing]

Ow! My arm! That really hurt.

Lone Starr, you really should learn how to knock.

Well, pardon me, Princess,

but didn't you just send a "rescue me now" beep?

No, I sent you an "I'm bored and bingeing on carbs" beep.

But it went "beep, beep, beep."

Yes, and the rescue is "beep, buh-beep, buh-beep, beep."

Oh, right. Huh.

I guess I need to bone up on my beeps.

[door opens]

Bone up on this!

[groans]

[groans] Geez.

How many Shirley Temples did I have?

Vespa? Is that you?

You're covered in gold paint.

No! It's me, and I'm always covered in gold paint, but...

Check out your girlfriend over there.

[sniffing]

[exclaims] Vespa! What?

Covered in cod?

Yeah, she's definitely been fish-dipped.

But why?

What kind of a fiend would do something so foul?

It was that little guy with the helmet head.

Wow! She really, really stinks.

Whew!

This smell is worse than Barf's puke after

he ate a bad bowl of botulistic bouillabaisse

in a boat in the bay by the beach which

he bought from a bad boy named Bobby.

Is he the big brother of Sally,

who sells seashells by the seashore?

[Yogurt exclaiming] Didn't you read the sign?

Clean your fish outside.

[nasally] This is no fish.

This is my girlfriend. She's been Skroobed.

Ah. It's starting to add up.

Skroob is the evil Wolfgang Schmuck of the seafood world,

also known as Fishfinger.

So he's the shark who filleted my filly.

Will she ever be good for anything besides bait?

It's a long shot, but there's only

one possible cure for her condition.

The de-cod-pression chamber,

with the most powerful de-stinkitizer known throughout the universe.

Yenta's chicken soup.

Are you complaining about my cooking again?

Not even close, Yenta.

Can you take this little gefilte fish and soak her in your soup?

[exclaims in disgust] What a stink!

I think it's a waste of some good soup, but...

Don't wait up. This one's gonna take a while.

Okay, boys, follow me.

I've added a few new tricks to your old Winnebago.

Oh! Please tell me it's a Mastin Arton.

No, it's still your old RV, but I've made a few little changes.

In other words, I pimped your ride.

It's got all kinds of goodies. Look.

A flipping license plate.

"I-D-H--..."

Yeah, yeah, "I'd hate to be you." See, I get it.

Flip it again. Oh, this is fun.

I get this one. I get this one. I ate doodie. [laughs]

You ate doodie. You ate doodie.

Yeah, this is great. You got anything else?

You've got an ejector seat.

Hmm. I kinda like that one.

And it's got all the usual secret agent bells and whistles.

[ringing and whistling]

And hey, I can always use the Schwartz.

Mmm... It's gonna be a little hard.

Right now, the Schwartz is in the shop, routine maintenance,

but don't worry, Lone Starr,

I know you can handle things sans Schwartz.

Really? You have that much faith in me?

Well, what choice do I have with the Schwartz in the shop?

Um, how are we supposed to locate Fishfinger?

By using the P-F-F-S-G-C-A-T-B.

Huh?

The pocket fish finder, scaler, gut cleaner and toilet brush.

It's a little over-engineered.

Wow! Nifty!

Now, go, boys!

Go fish!

[beeping]

We're getting warmer, hotter, boiling, on fire!

-[gasps] -What the...

You sure you don't have that thing set for toilet brush?

Oh, you're right, boss. My bad.

I'll set it to fish finder.

Good. Get the tartar sauce ready. We're on our way.

We better get down there and see what they're cooking up.

What do you think? A little too Vegas?

Boss, we're not alone.

Huh, Dot?

[groans]

What the...

Lucky I was wearing my harpoon-proof vest.

What are you doing, you crazy piece of tin?

I'm so sorry.

That was meant for Fishfinger.

After what he did to my poor, stinked-up little Vespa.

[sniffs]

[exclaims in disgust] How could I forget?

I'll never ever eat soup again.

[scoffs] You'd eat my lentil.

Everyone loves my lentil.

You were a little off-target.

Oh, cut me a break. I'm not programed for harpooning.

[gasps]

They're over there! Get 'em!

[alarm sounding]

Uh-oh. Now we're in trouble.

Let's lose these morons. Press the fog button.

Pressing the fog button.

[frogs croaking]

[exclaims] I think you hit the frog button.

-Try something else. -Trying something else.

How 'bout this one?

-[slurping] -[both] Mmm.

Come on, let me push something. Come on, come on.

I'm so good with buttons.

Peanuts, popcorns, candy cotton, it's like at a ballgame.

Keep pressing. They're gaining on us.

Just don't hit the...

[both yelling]

I was about to say red button.

[crashing]

[Lone Starr screams]

Good evening, Double-oh-Sven.

I'm glad you woke up in time to see

the latest in frying technology.

I try to avoid fried food.

Choose your next wisecrack carefully.

It could be your last.

[coughing]

You expect me to talk?

No, I expect you to fry.

Uh, don't you mean "die"?

And that, too.

But first we need to butter you up.

[groans]

Oh, my God.

[chuckles] Soon, you'll be filler in my fish fingers.

You're cheaper than cardboard.

But why use me as filler when you could use me as bait?

What do you mean, chum?

Well, I could lure all of Yogurt's agents here.

You know, Double-oh-Gunther and Double-oh-everyone else.

That's actually a good plan.

Why didn't I think of it?

Bad Job, sedate him and throw him in the brig.

We don't have a brig.

Well, throw him somewhere.

[groaning]

[grunts]

Aah! I love doing that.

[exhales]

Okay.

Guard, help me! I'm bleeding.

Guard.

[screams]

[groans]

[Skroob] Girls, here's the model of Fort Lox.

We're gonna gas the guards and then plant our nuc-ular b*mb.

Isn't that "nuclear"?

Whatever. It's a big boom.

And then, Marlene... [chuckling]

You and I will make our own big boom.

[all laugh]

[Charlene] What about me?

[Darlene] And me?

[Skroob] Oh, don't worry, girls. There's plenty of big boom to go around.

[all laugh]

Yonder hoodle, Double-oh-Sven.

Commander Encirculon?

My name on this operation is p*ssy-for-sure.

[snickers]

I must be dreaming.

That idiot, Bad Job, did a bad job.

The pantry couldn't hold you.

No, but I bet you could, p*ssy-for-sure.

Hmm.

Maybe I should take you somewhere

more secure.

Hey, it smells like fish.

Why not? It's fish shavings, but we can roll in it anyway.

[Lone Starr grunts]

Boy, you really know how to make a man flip for you.

Mmm.

Ketchup is my favorite condiment.

Mine's fish sauce.

p*ssy-for-sure!

What are you doing in here?

Uh, securing the prisoner, sir.

With your lips? I'll take the prisoner.

[machine whirring]

Sorry, girls, I'll have to boom with you later.

Right now, I've got a Lox to do.

Who goes there?

Pizza delivery.

Please tell me it's not anchovy.

Okay, it's not anchovy.

Hey, hey, hey!

Where are my free breadsticks?

[all laughing]

What kind of gas did you say you used?

Poison gas, just like you said.

Then how come they're all laughing and not dying?

[nervously] Maybe they're dying of laughter.

Its nitrous oxide, you moron, and it isn't funny.

Let's plant the b*mb and get out of here before they stop laughing.

[exclaims in disgust] Talk about a stench.

Okay, let's slam the clam on this operation.

Set the b*mb ticking, and we'll leave them alone,

to die!

Why is it that bad guys always leave you alone to die,

giving you one last chance to escape like this?

[grunting]

It's a lot harder than I figured.

[laughing]

Must be an inside joke.

Double-oh-Gunther to the rescue!

Come on, dinks, let's get 'em!

[all chattering]

[beeps]

Okay, it's set.

Let's make like my nose and run.

[groans]

I almost forgot, I've got a gut cleaner.

That should do the trick.

Piece of cake. Now all I have to do is disarm the b*mb.

I think not, Double-oh-seven.

It's Sven, Sven!

[grunts]

[laughs maniacally]

Darn! I hate it when that happens.

I'm gonna clean your bowl.

Is that a toilet brush?

Ew! Gross! Okay, okay, I give!

Can I just get my helmet and go?

Not until you disarm the b*mb.

Okay, okay!

Whoa!

That's a lot of wires.

Just start pulling 'em.

I wonder, if we pull the wrong wire, will it explode?

Step aside, men. I'll save you.

[beeps]

You're my hero!

-[beeping rapidly] -Oh!

I take that back, and my helmet!

If this is the end, boss, I just want you to know, this really blows.

Step aside, men. I'll save you.

I've heard that before.

[electricity surging]

[both gasp]

-It's stopped. -Yay!

How did you know you could do that?

What can I say?

I never bang on the first date.

Lone Starr, on behalf of all the galaxy, thank you.

And on a personal note,

thanks for saving the pickled herring.

And will you thank Yenta for de-stinkitizing Princess Vespa?

She's almost back to normal.

Almost?

Well, honey, you're still a little gamey.

[scoffs] That does it. I'm walking home.

[stammers] You're gonna walk across three solar systems?

Yeah, why, you think I can't do it?

Hey, boss, I'm gonna walk with her.

[sniffs] I like the way she smells. [laughs]

Ah, suit yourselves.

[sniffing] Mmm.

[cats meowing]

[theme music playing]