02x05 - Crash and Burn

[bunniefuu]

[narrator] Previously
on "The Last Woodsmen."

[bleep] -- They say the darkest
is always before the dawn.

It's been an uphill battle.

[Jared] [bleep] haywire.
It's not good.

But Jared finally gets
the Forever Claim fully online.

[bleep] awesome, man!

And with the first barge
royalty due in two days...

[Brad] Oh, slack it out,
slack it out.

...and the Float Camp lease
almost up,

the clock is ticking to log

full tilt or face
the fallout of failure.

If you default, I repossess
the Float Camp.

[Jared] I have to give John
$100,000 royalty.

If I don't get this done,
John could topple

my whole company.

[Jared]
If I had to define my season,
so far, it's a raging inferno.

Got a call early this morning.
We just lost a loader

due to fire last night.

The loader was pretty much
burnt to a crisp, so that's

a hard pill to swallow
right now.

We need maximum production.

This is definitely frustrating,
especially with fire shift

right around the corner.

In the summer heat of the
Pacific Northwest timberlands,

Jared Douglas and the crew
of Cypress Creek Logging

are all in
on two operations.

[tree creaking]

[Jared]
I'm really nervous right now,
even with all this other stuff.

I still need to give John
$100,000 per barge load of wood

from the Forever Claim.

So far, launching Forever Claim
operations proved more

challenging than planned.

So, he'll need to make up time
on the mountain to deliver

a loaded barge in 48 hours
as promised.

To stay on track
to his ultimate target

of a $2 million buyout
by winter,

he'll need to hit $1 million

in profit by fire season,
which brings the end

of summer logging

and makes yet another equipment
fire a setback he can't afford.

[Jared]
I'm really nervous right now.

Any time lost cuts
into my business.

It's frustrating that I can't
be up there with the crew

pulling rope, helping everybody
out, doing what I do,

but right now we're going
to try to get this motor safely

off this hill and get it
to the scrap yard where I can

salvage a little bit of money
for this thing.

-Well?
-[Ross] She got hot.

Yes, it did.

-A [bleep] Roman candle.
-[Adrian] Not good.

A little bent,
warped, and hot-looking.

They're a pretty
bulletproof machine.

They're a great log loader,
but they have an Achilles heel

with the electrical,
and they're known

for roasting themselves.

[Jared] Just painted it,
just put it through the shop,

totally rebuilt it.
This is a big loss.

[Jared sighs]

This one's beyond fixing,
that's for sure.

Just in the machine alone,
I figure I'm out about

$150,000, let alone
the loss in production.

The hope is it contains
at least $40,000

in scrap steel and parts...

if they can get it
off the mountain.

[Jared]
A low-bed cannot haul this
type of weight

off of this steep
of a grade, so.

We're going to try to take
pieces off of it to make it

a little bit lighter,
but nonetheless, we're going

to have 50 tons that we have
to take down this mountain

with a couple machines
with tires.

Let's get her done.

-[Adrian] Roger.
-[Ross] All righty.

OK.

[thrilling music plays]

[Jared]
We just got to try to work
to get the boom off now.

Nice and gentle.

The boom is very valuable,

probably $20,000, $25,000.

But during the salvage process,

we could totally wreck some
of that and that's definitely

something I don't want to do.

[rattling]

[banging]

[Jared]
Easy there, velvet pedals.

[beeping]

[Adrian] OK.

[heavy thud]

[Jared] [bleep].

[Jared] We broke
the lifting eye right here.

Took a bit of a fall that
I didn't really account for.

There goes a bit of money,
but nobody's got hurt.

Everybody's got their toes
and their fingers.

Now it's for the daunting task,
trying to pack this giant arm

down the mountain.

80 miles due northwest.

[Brad speaking over radio]

[Garon speaking over radio]

Foreman Brad Laviolette is on
a mission to the Forever Claim,

tasked to boost production
by all means necessary.

[Garon] It's those howling
southeasters that get you.

Even the ocean's looking
kind of angry today.

It's getting rough out there.

[Brad] Things are going
pretty slowly.

We've analyzed their production
numbers being low.

I feel the pressure from boss
man Jared, and I got to jump

on board here and just make
this issue go away.

To deliver on the first
Forever Claim royalty,

a 400-foot log barge known
as "The Hercules"

must be fully loaded.

[Brad]
In my new post, obviously,
it comes with a big amount

of responsibility,
and you're caught between

the owner and the crew, so I'm
not sure what I'm going into.

I'm sure it's going to be
a challenge, but I think that

I'm a pretty good fit for this
job, and I can't wait to show

Jared and the crew just exactly
what I'm made of.

I feel that logging is
in my blood, and I've got...

five generations of loggers
behind me in my family.

You know, the last hundred
years on this coast, my family

has been being stewards
of the forest, making sure that

the next stand is there
for the next generation.

I'm just, you know, doing
my best to try and fit in

with that class of worker that,
you know, your family can be

proud of you for bringing in
a paycheck after a hard day's

worth of work.

[Garon speaking over radio]

[rumbling]

[Brad and Garon
speaking over radio]

[systems beeping]

[horn honking]

Down below...

[Chris]
Oh, we better get after it.

...fallers Chris Hersics
and Brendan Bowman pick up

the pace in their hunt
for timber giants.

[Brendan] Well, let's see
what we got here.

Yeah, that's a good one.

[Chris] Oh, she's got
a little bit of girth to it.

It's got a hell
of a [bleep] lean.

[Brendan] Yeah.

There's actually a bit
of a crack starting to form

about 30 feet up.

-The bark's starting
to peel off her already.
-Yeah.

That's the tree's,
actually, already starting

to fail there.

So, it's actually starting
to separate itself.

It's got a little bit
of a twist to it.

That'll be a key issue
with having it go

before I want it to.

There's a bunch dead limbs
up there, obviously.

They're signatures
of potential, like, hazard.

A little bit of wind
there, too.

The wind's starting to pick up.

Safety wise,
it's concerning just because

there is some hazards
for myself just being

underneath it.

You cut off one piece and it
can go anywhere and cause harm

to anybody that's working
near it or around it.

[Chris] Another thing to keep
in the back of the mind

when cutting.
-[Brendan] Agreed.

In a situation like this,
there's a lot of pressure.

You've got to be on your game.

It could be a little bit
crazy, I think.

You can only do it
so many times.

It's inevitable.

At some point, if you don't
die, you're going to get

beat up something fierce.

Yet still, you still get
the rush out of it.

I love it.
I've always loved it.

It's a freedom.

And it's good money.

To direct this fall
in the wind,

Brendan will start
with a deep face cut,

which should send it
into a nearby clearing.

But any sudden gusts could not
only send 50-pound branches

raining down on Brendan,

but topple the entire
tree early...

right back on him.

[Brendan]
Kind of thinking I ain't
going to get much of an undercut

out of it, and it's going
to want to go.

It's going to want to go quick.

So we'll see what
the undercut's like,

and then maybe just keep an eye
on this back cut, dude.

[Chris] Yeah, you bet.

I'll just kind of park myself
back in here so I can see

what's going on.

I'll tell you to get the hell
out of there if you need to get

the hell out of there.
-[Brenda] Right on!

Whoop-whoop.
Game on!

[chainsaw rumbling]

[whirring]

[chainsaw whirring]

-[loud cracking]
-[Brendan] Ooh, [bleep].

[Chris] Uh-oh.

Yeah, it's moving
with this wind a bit.

That's no good.

Take its gravity right down
the mountain,

and we should be good.

[Jared]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Stop!

[chain rattles, snaps]

[Jared] [bleep]!


[intriguing music plays]

[Chris] Uh-oh.

High in the Forever Claim,

fallers Chris and Brendan's
$18,000 tree

is hanging by a thread.

[Chris]
There's some wind gusts coming
up, and I can see it moving,

which has got me a little bit
sketched out.

If you were to get high wind,
it could possibly prematurely

go fall over, barber chair.

I think I'll strap it,
though, just in case.

[Chris]
Yeah, probably a good idea.

[Brendan]
Just basically going to leave
a piece of wood in there that's

hopefully going to hold her up
until I'm ready to

cut that piece of wood.
Kind of like a trigger.

Instead of a traditional back
cut, which would leave this

tree at the mercy of lateral
wind force, Brendan will make

his final cuts from the sides,
creating what's known

as a "strap in the middle."

If it holds, it should be just
enough to guide the whole

thing down to a soft landing.

[Brendan] I'll get at her.

[chainsaw revving, whirring]

[Chris speaking]

There it goes!

[heavy thud]

[Chris] [chuckles] Hell yeah!

Quite a bit more wood in it
than a guy would have thought.

[Brendan] That's impressive.

[Chris] It sure didn't sound
like it was going

to look like that.

-[Brendan] No, that sound.
-[Chris] Yeah.

-That was a good one.
-[Chris] Yeah!

80 miles southeast
at the Float Camp Claim...

[Jared] We got a [bleep] mission
ahead of us, boys.

This giant arm,

we have no control
of this kind of weight,

which makes it
very [bleep] scary.

Just drag it that way and
then we'll get it hooked

to the skidder and we'll get
this down the mountain.

Just make sure everybody keeps
their heads on a swivel

and get the [bleep]
out of the way

if we need to get
the [bleep] out of the way.

I give her a 60% chance
you get her down there

with no [bleep] ups.

We're really going to just
have to take our time.

-First gear.
-Inch it down the -- first gear,
inch it down the mountain

and go from there.

Adrian, you're going
to hook us up?

Yep.
A little slack.

See how that goes.

[Ross speaking]

OK.

Nice and easy.

That's about it, because
that heel's going to hit.

But I should be OK
at this height.

It'll be that switch back
will be the hard part.

Isn't that how that guy
from Mackovic died

in a wheel loader?
He was trying to use it to...

He wasn't strapped in and
he had the door wide open

and threw him out...

Well, they're going to go
around the switch back now.

I think the main worry
basically is that Ross

in the 9-80's has got to have
his boom way up in the air,

it kind of makes him top heavy.

And so it'd be pretty easy,
especially with such a steep

hill, it'd be pretty easy
for Jared to pull him over.

[Jared speaking]

[Ross speaking]

[dramatic music plays]

You see those tires
of yours compress?

Oh, [bleep].

[Adrian]
Those things are very heavy.

[Jared speaking]

[creaking]

Yeah, I wouldn't want to go
around too many of them

like that.
-[laughs] No.

Try to go super wide.

OK.

[Jared speaking]

[bleep] for a couple of pros.

[Adrian] Got the booming
stick out of here.

Getting the machine carcass
down itself is going to be

a whole other thing.

It's going to be challenging
for these guys.

[adventurous music plays]

[Garon speaking]

In the air above
the Forever Claim...

...Camp foreman Brad
is still unable to land

due to high winds.

The only option may be to wait
it out for calmer conditions.

[Garon speaking]

[suspenseful music plays]

[whirring]

[engine winds down]

Anybody on the barge
read this radio?

[static crackling]

[Brad] The first thing I gotta
do is try and make connection

with camp.

It's an uncomfortable feeling
knowing I've got a mission

to accomplish and I just can't.

I'm just sitting there
with a hopeless feeling that,

you know, maybe today
is just a total write-off.

[Brad] You can tell right now
we're just parked in the lee.

We're in a bit of a bay,
so the weather's not too bad.

But if you look out past
the point there, you can see

the whitecaps rolling through.

Even the clouds are moving
pretty quickly here.

So that system's still
quite angry.

Looking at the forecast,
there might even be

some dicier weather coming in.

So we can only do what we can
do, and right now we can't do

a damn thing.


[suspenseful music plays]

[Garon]
All right, man, it's go time.

-Yeah?
-Yeah, we got to give it a try.

The weather's come down
a little bit, but let's go give

it a shot here.
-[Brad] Fair enough, man.

-OK.
-[Brad] Let's try her out.

[Garon] Yeah.

Ten miles shy
of the Forever Claim,

after a night spent grounded
due to high winds...

[Garon speaking]

...Foreman Brad
may finally have a chance

at getting into camp

before the claim's first
log barge arrives.

[groans]

[Brad] Whoo!

[Brad] Now it's time to really
concentrate on the task at hand

and just get this operation

firing on all cylinders.

With the first log barge due
at camp in less than 24 hours,

the top priority is assessing
how much wood

has hit the water so far.

Barge day is a big day
for the operation and everybody

that's pulling
towards this goal.

So you feel the pressure.

It's all on your shoulders,
but good loggers, we thrive

in these kind of situations.

Diamonds are created
under pressure.

[bleep]

[sighs]

We don't have enough bags of
wood to actually fill that big

barge, the Herc that
we normally have come in here.

It's looking like we're
at least three bags shy.

A bag is a floating pen filled
with 50 bundles

of high-value timber.

And without enough of them,
it's impossible to fill

the 400-foot Hercules.

Bringing the Herc up here
right now is just going to be

a waste of time and money.

Obviously, this isn't the news
that Jared's going

to want to hear.

[voicemail] You have reached
Jared Douglas.

After leaving a --

[Brad]
We do have access to a smaller
barge that I'm pretty sure

we can fill with what
we got here.

It's going to make better
business sense for us to bring

that little barge in and have
it leave at capacity

instead of that big Herc
leaving half full.

It's a terrible situation for
me to be in as a new foreman.

It's just one more thing that's
gone wrong, but it's the right

decision to make.

We don't have enough bags
of wood to fill the Herc.

Well, I'm looking at about
five bags right now and,

you know, a bunch of stragglers,
but, you know, it's not enough

for the big girl.
We can pull in a smaller barge.

It just makes better business
sense at this point.

All right, yeah.
Bye.

Back at Float Camp...

[Rob] Is this your trail in?

[Jim] This is my trail
for now, yeah.

Fallers Jim and Rob are
scouring the high country in

hopes of closing out the final
days of the Float Camp lease

with a big profit.

[Rob]
Oh, big red candelabra cedar!

[Jim] Oh, yeah.

[Jim] This cedar is what
we call candelabras.

It's a bunch of spiked-top
forks that all grow together.

It looks like basically a big
dinner candle that you'd have

at the dinner table
in the 1500s.

[hollow knocking]

[Rob] Holy [bleep].

[Jim] It's really got nothing
for it to stand on again.

[hollow tapping]

[Rob] But I think the top's
a beautiful piece of wood.

[Jim] Yeah.

[Rob] You can probably fall it
right from inside there.

[hollow knocking]

There's probably four or five
different legs that

this thing's hanging out on.

There are inherent problems
with these things just because

it's leaning up the hill.

So, that in general is
a problem itself.

The fact that it's so big

and there's so much
[bleep] up top.

This might have a tendency
to snap off early.

And I'll still be underneath.

To keep this 50-ton candelabra
from crashing into the trees

up the hill,

Jim will aim his face cut
toward a softer landing

to the side.

But with so much of its base
missing, there's a good chance

that the whole thing could
buckle early and crash

straight down on him.

-[Rob] OK, let's do it.
-[Jim] OK.

[chainsaw buzzing]

[whirring]

[Jim]
It's standing on just pinpoints,
so you've got to be very

calculated where you cut.

Any wrong cut is going
to cause this thing

to come down prematurely.

[chainsaw whirring]

-[tree creaks]
-[Jim] Whoa!

OK, well, that popped.
That's definitely going
to be...

[Rob] Yeah, it's talking.
It's talking.

I don't know how much more
you're going to get.

It's going to want to commit
up and into that timber, so I'm

going to have to get this cut
up and remove this middle part.

[Rob]
Work your way back that way?

Yeah, so if I get bore in,
come back, hopefully that'll

remedy what's going on.
That's the plan.

[Rob] See what happens.

[Jim] All right.

Wish me luck.

[chainsaw whirring]

[tree creaking]

[Jim]
Something's chattering, Rob!

[Rob] She's talking.

-[Jim] It's moving.
-[Rob] Oh, yeah.

[Jim] It's definitely moving.

Something's going to happen.

[Jim] Holy [bleep].

[Rob] What the hell is
this thing doing?

-[Jim] Ah, come on.
-[Rob] Come on, you b*tch!


[Jim] Holy [bleep].

[Rob]
The hell is this thing doing?

[ominous music plays]

[Jim] Who knows what's
going to happen?

[Rob]
She was definitely talking.

[deep creaking]

-[Jim] Oh, hell.
-[Rob] There she goes.

One final shebang.

[rumbling]

[Rob] Oh, baby!

-[Jim] Oh, just enough.
-[Rob] Perfect!

[heavy thud]

[Rob] [bleep]!

-I don't get it.
-[Jim] Not ideal.

It looks like
a piece of [bleep].

It's [bleep] brutal.

[Rob]
Not much of a stump left, Jim.

It's just more of a crater
that you kind of walk through.

[Jim] Well, that's not cool.

Unfortunately, it turned out
to be quite a bit more rotten

than it looked.

So, when this thing smashed
to the ground, it separated

exactly up that entire tree,
the whole length of it.

Broken in half,
it devalues it almost in half.

Things don't...

always go to plan.

[guitar music playing]

[horn honking]

So, we're just doing doubles
on the outside,

single in the middle.
-Dou --

Double on the outside,
single in the middle.

OK, I'll get out of your way,
but anything we can do

to get this process going,
obviously that barge,

it's already started working
a little early, so we just --

We got to get this
wrapped and going.

At the Forever Claim,
the first long barge

of the operation has arrived.

But slow production has forced
Brad to call in a vessel

one quarter the usual size.

We're bringing in the smaller
barge because it just makes

better business sense.

The big barge, that barge
has got a big price tag.

And if we're not filling it
to capacity, we're just wasting

money and wasting time.

But this barge has
to leave full.

[truck horn honking]

So right now, we're working
our way down

to the booming ground.

We got a few more loaded trucks
coming in,

coming down the hill.

And the port loader operator
here is working short-handed,

so I'm down here
to give him a hand.

The name of the game is filling
that barge right now,

and all hands on deck.

That includes me down here
doing something that I don't

normally do, but that's the job
of a foreman, jumping in

wherever he can, filling those
gaps, making sure the monster

and the machine keep rolling.

Now we splash for the cash.

[Jorden] OK.

[splashing heavily]

[Brad] Yeehaw!

That's what we like to see.

Big bundle hitting the water.

That thing's ready to go
right on the barge.

[truck horn honking]

[adventurous music plays]

[Jorden speaking]

[Brad] [bleep]

Looks like we might have
broke a wire there.

[bleep]

At the Float Camp Claim...

[Jared] You got a piece of rope
or something we can chin?

Jared, Ross, and Adrian are
making steady headway

on their burnt-out
loader salvage.

[Adrian] Yeah, I can get it
right in the back.

But before bringing down
the main body of the machine,

they'll first have to remove
its second most valuable part,

the $3,000 hood.

The hood has hydraulic cylinders
that open it up so that people

can service the inside
of the log loader.

So we're going to cut those off
with a torch.

Adrian, we got
[bleep] fire, man.

[Adrian] OK.

How is there anything left
to burn?

[Ross] Must be all that
hydraulic oil.

[Adrian] [bleep].

Burning pretty good.

[bleep]

[Jared]
When a machine goes up
in flames,

that could start
a forest fire.

Fire is scary,
and we hate fire.

Fires in the dense timberlands
are a logger's worst nightmare.

Summer heat mixed with dry wood
can spark a devastating blaze,

which can rage
through millions of acres,

threaten lives,
and cost operations millions

of dollars in fines
and lost income.

[Adrian] We're just gonna try
and get the hood off,

then I can get at it.
I can't get at it right now.

I mean, I can't imagine
there's too much left to burn,

but if it gets out of control,
I mean, we're in trouble.

There's [bleep] everywhere.

We don't have a fire truck
at hand right now.

Gate open!

[beeping]

-[Ross] Won't lift.
-[Adrian] It won't lift it?

It's hung up.

[beeping]

[Adrian] Um...

We're gonna have to reset.

Ross, grab some
fire extinguishers.

[bleep] piss cans
never [bleep] work, man.

[gushing]

All right.

[Jared] There you go.
It's out.

It's out.

[bleep]

You just couldn't let it
burn once.

You got to make it burn twice.

[Adrian]
I wasn't planning on that,
for the record.

[Jared] No point crying
over [bleep] burnt loaders.

-Let's go.
-[Adrian] Yeah, OK.

[beeping]

[Jared] Win.

I'm a little nervous that
we still have this major piece

of iron really heavy, awkward
to get down this mountain.

So what we're going to do is...

hook the grapple,
get you to pull it back.

We'll tape up the grab hooks
so they don't come loose.

And then we'll just get her,
get her, push her over

the crest of the hill,
and you should be able just

to walk it down the hill.

-All right?
-All right.

[Jared] Are you ready to move
your shop truck?

-Let's get this done.
-[Adrian] Sounds good.

[Jared] OK, buddy.

[Ross] Whoo!

[Jared] We're going to see
how this goes.

I'd like to say trial by fire,
but that's already happened.

You on Cypress, Ross?

[Ross speaking]

[Jared]
OK, we're gonna go for it.

You guys ready?
Let's go.

[Adrian] You got this, Roscoe.

Get it to take its gravity
right down the mountain,

and we should be good.

[high-pitched creaking]

[Jared]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Stop!

[rattling]

[Jared] [bleep]!

[ominous music plays]

Ugh!

[bleep]!


[insect buzzing]

[Rob] Oh, bugs are chewing
on my head.

Biggest annoyance
I have is bugs.

I'd rather work in the snow
than work with the bugs.

[insect buzzing]

[spitting]

There's like four different
shifts of bugs.

There's the no-see-ums
in the morning, and then it

switches to the mosquitoes.

The mosquitoes just hovering
on the backs of your legs,

just looking for a spot.

And then the afternoon shift,
which is the black flies.

And then late afternoon-night
shift is the horse flies

come out and carve
steaks off you.

So yeah, biggest annoyance
in the bush, bugs.

[buzzing]


[thrilling music plays]

Ugh!

[bleep]!

[Ross] Well, that didn't go
as planned.

Chain broke?

[Adrian]
Chain and grab hook broke.
Huh.

This thing just won't go.

[blows lips]

This thing is just causing me
heartburn every step

of the way.
It's blocking the road.

We keep adding days
of non-production,

non-money-making days.

[beeping]

Just say when.

When.

[beeping]

[rumbling]

[Ross speaking]

I don't know, man.
[bleep]

[bleep] logs.

[groans deeply]
I'm gonna lose my [bleep].

[Adrian]
This is going about as well
as I kind of thought it would.

There's at least 30 tons
of log loader there.

And tracks just like
to go straight.

They don't [bleep] turn.
There's no brakes.

[Jared speaking]

[beeping]

[heavy thud]

[bleep]

[Adrian] There you go.
That's the way.

Oh, the old switch back's
gonna be fun.

[exhales sharply]

Oh.

[banging]

[Adrian speaking]

OK, we go straight back
and just leave it.

We'll block it up
for the night.

[Jared] Ugh, never want
to do that again.

That was hard on everything.

But she's here ready
for the low bed and get it

to the scrap yard.

Mission accomplished.

[Jared]
You wonder why we drink.

[all laughing]

Back at the Forever Claim...

[Brad] [bleep].

Looks like we might have broke
a wire there.

That bundle in itself
isn't really ready to go

onto the barge.

We're gonna have to bring it
back into the shore

and we'll rebuild it, make sure
we got a better package.

Because once that crane gets
its hooks in there, right now

it will not survive,
so we gotta do a better job

and fix it.

We love challenges.

Luckily, we're in an industry
that just keeps

giving us challenges.

[hissing]

That looks a lot better.

-Cheers, bro.
-[Jorden] Cheers.

[Brad] Jared's not going to be
happy about this decision.

Obviously, he wants as much
wood leaving as possible,

but in this situation,
the small barge

is the best fit.

I'm not looking forward to it,
but I'm going to have to let

Jared know what happened.

[cellphone ringing]

[Jared] What's going on?

[Brad speaking]

[Jared] All right, what?

[Brad speaking]

Oh, really?

[Brad speaking]

OK.

[Jared]
I came up short on the first
barge royalty.

This is catastrophic.

For me to have any shot
at buying the Forever Claim,

these log barges not only have
to pay the royalties to John,

but on top of that,
they need to have

a little bit of profit.

At this rate, there's no way
I'm gonna come up

with the $2 million
at the end of the season.

It's not looking good,
not good at all.

Logging is a very bumpy road.

A lot of times you feel like
you're taking three steps

forward and two steps back,
but you just gotta

lean into it.
Don't get pushed over.

Don't get pushed aside.

Just go forward.
Get it done.

And progress is in persistence.

Next time.

[Jared]
Don't back it over the bank.

Whoa, oh, oh!

[loud expl*si*n]

[Jim] Oh, [bleep],
that's so close!

[Jared] Our crew has worked
super hard.

Do you think we're going
to get a full barge today?

The last thing I want to do is
get a tug in here and hook

onto your Float Camp
and take it.

I don't want to do that,
but if I have to,

I'm [bleep] going to do it.