02x17 - In the Memory of Stacey Cornbred

[bunniefuu]

What happens when 2 dimensional vocalists

force each other to face the music? Which

Italian icon will say arrivederci for

good And what a list actor will kick some

serious a Find out tonight on the all you

can eat buffet of. Brutality

we call Celebrity

Deathmatch. Hello

everybody. I'm Johnny Gomez and I'm Nick

Diamond, and welcome to Celebrity

Deathmatch. Hey Nick, I have a question.

Do you think maybe we'll get to see

a little violence tonight? Maybe just a

teensy bit?But seriously

folks, tonight we've got carnage out the

Ying Yang. First up, a couple of

multi talented mommas. They sing, they

act, they dance, and now they cheer.

Sharon Bette Midler square off in another

installment of The World's Deadliest

Stevens. How do you say dismemberment in

Italian?They'll find out when a

fascist dictator takes on his goofball

comedian critic. It's Benito Mussolini

versus Roberto Bernini. And for our main

event, put on your sunglasses, folks,

because we've got some blinding star

power. John Travolta and Nicolas Cage

meet in a final face off, then

you. Gotta love that gratuitous clay

animated death, except when it happens to

one of our own. Recently we lost

a very special member of the Deathmatch

family when Stacey Cornbread blew up

another innocent life claimed by

spontaneous human combustion. In honor of

our beloved Stacy Mills Lane will now

begin. A10 Bell salute.

Stacey Cornbread, A gifted

broadcaster, a great job,

truly one-of-a-kind. Umm.

Irreplaceable. And now please welcome the

hottest hell raiser ever to grace

the Death Match ring, glamorous wrestling

personality Mickey La Bouche.

My God. Mickey

is here tonight to give us her special

brand of color commentary. Let's hope she

can fill Stacy's shoes. Just try and stop

me. No way. Why don't you tell the

viewers a little bit about yourself? Well

Jimmy, I like skinny dipping in the

moonlight, curling up with a good book

and bare knuckled steroid induced.

Slaughter. You'll

fit right in here and we know you're

going to be a terrific addition to this

organization. What

the hell are you doing?

Sorry about that Chief, but you violated

my zone of privacy. Next time, wait

for an invitation. Sure, no problem.

Let's get right to our first fight, the

world's deadliest Davis Part 2. In Part



went medieval on each other's *****.

Tonight, Bette Midler and Sheriff star in

the Savage sequel, and these two gals are

not bosom buddies. The trouble started at

a benefit last year. Seemed Chair showed

up. Party to sing. Next thing you know,

Middler had called Chair someone who used

to be famous. Ouch. These two ladies just

can't get along. So in a death match,

first we're going to let a flip of the

coin decide the weaponry. Let's go to the

ring, where one lucky audience member has

been chosen to help out with the tosh.

Here.

Edge, darling.

Bette Midler, wind break out the

construction equipment. Wow. Take a look

at those terrifying tools. Mr. Chair,

I want a good, clean fight.

Remember, it's my way or the

highway. Let's get it on. Hey,

Midler, you got a wide load

sign. For that asset.

Real single name

slots, Yes. Oh,

oh, alright, you

bathhouse batch. Hell's

Angels wanna be

home. Ohh,

Midler makes a smart crab for the

pickaxe.

That'll leave a mark. Actually. That'll

get rid of a market shares getting

some unscheduled tattoo removal. Ohh damn

it you cut off my new Komodo

dragon. Just think of it as a

little more cosmetic surgery, Bubala.

Umm. Lottie,

Dottie die. Well look what you've done.

This place is a mess. The only thing

Bette Midler hates more than Cher is

litter. Well, Bills did say he wanted a

clean fight.

Hey, thanks. But she's not slowing down.

She's going for a highway cone. I

got you.

That's an improvement Cher has let loose

with some road rage of her own.

Does it? Shari's gonna pay for that

move in spades.

That shovel didn't make a dent.

But bets back with a jackhammer. That

diamond tip power tool appears to be no

match for Shari's did. What the heck is

going on, Johnny? Must be the result of

Chery's taste for cosmetic surgery. You

know, Nick, it is said that only

c*ck and Cher would survive a

nuclear w*r. What are you made

of?No, that didn't see

that. I've been thinking

that you could really use a

makeover. Come on bat, this hot

tar is the most fantastic product.

It'll restore your hair's natural pH

balance. Share using some sneaky tricks

from her infomercial days. It'll change

your life forever.

Looks like you need another treatment.

Oh, oh, oh, you won Grateful batch.

I give you a free makeover and

this is how you thank me. You

know, in this business, it's so important

to stay grounded.

I don't know about you guys, but

I find this fight riveting. Get it

riveting? Don't quit your day job, Jimmy.

Prepare to be Rd. k*ll.

What about my comeback? Ohh,

Midler is paving the ring

with Cher. Now you're as

you're singing.

That is 1 deceased diva. What a

satisfying display of inhumanity. You

said a chair was flat as a

pancake. Ohh. I I didn't mean to

violate your privacy zone. Please don't

hurt me. Don't worry, Nick, you can

violate my zone anytime. Ohh. Thanks.

But.

Bongiorno fight fans and welcome back to

Celebrity Deathmatch man. Ohh Manicotti,

have we got a good one for

you?Hey, we're in the

middle of something on your face.

I do. Where? Here. Let me

get it. Hey. Ohh. I'd never

seen anything like this. You got

something to say? Jimmy, It's Johnny.

OK, let's get right to our

second spectacular fight. It's Italy's.

Happiest man versus italy's angriest man

Roberto bernini takes on Benito Mussolini

that's a spicy death man this fight

started with Roberto benini's Oscar

winner life is beautiful some saw that

movie as a life affirming critique on the

evils of fascism race saw a death match

in the making so with the help of

our. Time machine We brought

back the godfather of fascism itself,

Benito Mussolini, to defend his

controversial political views. Should be

molto mayhem. Let's see how these

fighters stack up. Butchered millions of

innocent people. Butchers the English

language, Invaded Ethiopia. Invades

people's personal space. close personal

friend of Adolf Hitler's. close personal

friend of Harvey Weinstein. This match

sounds too close to call Johnny, and

it looks like our fighters are entering

the arena.

Heading for the blue corner,

the dictator of destruction, the

original Italian Stallion, Benito

Mussolini, Donkeys dossier, Terrina Boria

para Taliana. Now heading for

the red corner, the slapstick

sadist, the tear jerking terror.

Roberto Bernini, I am allowing to be

at the death match and I want

to dive into this ocean of generosity.

Or how do you say this is

a hailstorm of kindness? Looks like Mills

is about to get this historically fest

underway. Summital fascismo pronto.

Listen here Bob, I don't speak Italian,

but I do enjoy a good cannoli

now and then. Commence a la violencia.

Did all my career rock on sangria? Hey,

why have we got to fight? You must learn

to love everyone like I do. I want to

lie down and the firmament and Make Love

to you. And on Jupiter, oh, oh, I'm

wanting to Make Love to you a little bit.

This now. OK, now

I know I wanna Make Love to you with

all I wanna make it a hate. Ohh now

we're cooking with olive oil. I want to

be diving into an ocean of bitterness.

I am running down the pain on your

skull like the infinite hemorrhoid of

mortality. Hill

d*uche is down. Look at me.

I'm a Mussolini. Follow my orders.

Good. I'm a big bad dictator.

No Mussolini.

Amazing, Mussolini has actually found a

way to make Roberto Bernini stopped

talking.

Ohh folks, that ain't

marinara.

Popcorn Assyria gratis alternativas,

Sheridan and Mussolini pandering to

the crowd. Nobody would be

stupid enough to fall for

that cheap propaganda that's put

on. There goes Bonita with

a Florentine flip.

My body is in there too.

Moved ohh.

Look, it's the Leaning Tower

of Pisa bubble. He's crossing

them like a comet pizza

pie.

Hold the anchovies.

Both fighters are out of the ring

now, Benini struggling to remain

conscious and. Takes one

right in the bread basket. Just just

feel good violence. Come on, you sissies,

don't make me come down there. Looks

like Benito is almost bonito with

Roberto. This is strange, Johnny. Where'd

that Wiley dictator go?

There he is, Mussolini, bringing in

the heavy a*tillery that is 1

resourceful ruler.

The money is coming at the end

of the money. The money Mundo.

No one's ever been able to withstand a

full scale as*ault from an M1340 tank.

This could spell the end for Benini.

Lookout Mussolini. Here comes Banani, and

Roberto has gained control of this

tank. Well, sort of.

How do I get out of here? Somebody help

me here. What a comeback by Roberto

Bernini and his antics are wackier than

ever.

Maybe I pulled this lever.

And burning, he takes out Mussolini

with the Tuscan torpedo. Mussolini is

deader than Sonny Corleone at a

Long Island toll booth. The winner

is Panini. close. This movie death

is beautiful.

Ever wanted to thank the joyous animosity

that is greater than a mountain of

revenge in the my short? Looks like

the world is once again safe for

goofy foreigner. That's right, Oopsie.

Ohh man, you spilled soda all over

my lap. Let me help

you with that. Damn it. Now I got to

get a new pair of slacks from my dressing

room. Can I come? What is with her

anyway? I mean, she is starting to bug

me. Wake up, man. I know you haven't been

with a woman in six years, but this is

ridiculous. Minky wants to do it. Ohh, do

what? Have sex?Ohh.

With you, you *******. Ohh

but I don't have any

money. He's not a

cop. ** ***. We'll be right back with

our murderous main event. Stay tuned.

Welcome back, deathmatch fans. The main

event is about to begin. I love

her, Johnny. Is that a Hickey? What?

No, that's hey layoff. Going

to be sick. Luckily, it's time for our

main event. John Travolta and Nicolas

Cage, 2 actors who command $20 million a

picture. But there's only so much room in

that exclusive club, right, Nick? That's

right, Johnny. Which is why they want to

revoke each other's membership

permanently. But it won't be that easy,

folks, because we've decided to give this

Hollywood feud. Little special sauce

roll tape.

What our celebrity guest didn't know is

that we secretly replaced the oxygen in

the green room with ether. Let's see if

they notice.

Umm. Then,

just for fun, our crack

team of death match sergeants

switched their faces Scaffold.

Face.

Staple g*n.

Our fighters have just about regained

consciousness, so let's go to the

ring and watch the hilarity unfold

in Face Off 2 Electric Boogaloo

in the red corner wearing Nicolas

Cage's face. John Travolta.

The hell is this? And in

the blue corner, wearing John Travolta's

face, Nicholas came.

They looked a lot better in the movie.

Those were special effects, Nick. This is

reality. But we did the best we could

with 100 bucks. Kate

Travolta, Taranta Kate, whoever the hell

you are, let's get it on.

Give me my damn face back. Give

me my face back first. You're gonna

be sorry. Ohhh yeah, tough guy. Pop

me once right here. Yeah. Looks like

you opened up a cut on your

face. You suck it. Damn it. So

you want to play rough, huh?

What is Nick Cage up to?

How do you like your face

now? Even uglier than normal. You

should talk you bug eyed psycho.

Ohh Travolta delivering some brutal

punishment to his own face. Ohh

it hurts so good I've never

seen. Anything like it? 2 grown men

abusing themselves. I don't have to abuse

myself anymore, Johnny. Wanna hear about

it? Nick? What is Nicholas Cage doing

now? Talk. It's always good for an

energy boost, but it can really mess

up your complexion. No, not chocolate.

Breaking out now? Ohh. When Nick Cage

serves up a cruel snack, adult acne

is no laughing matter. Although Mickey

does have the cutest little pimple on

her. I want to hear about it,

Nick. It is now time

for Nick Cage to be soaking up rays.

That's John Travolta, Nick, and I think

he's got something else in mind. Hey,

Kate, I always thought your face would

look better with a savage tan. And I mean

savage. Damn it. They're both are really

sizzles in this role. Stick a fork in me.

I'm done, you *******.

Now we're having fun. Cage is

shaving against the grain with no

cream with a cheap disposable blade.

Ohh, I can't watch. That is

an uncivil action on Travolta's face.

Damn you.

This is crazy. We'll be lucky to get 20

bucks a picture with these faces.

Here's your ugly face. Now give

me mine.

Ohh beautiful face. Ohh

baby I missed you.

The second.

Big fat dumper. What the Hey, this is

Cage's skinny *****. I can't shake my

booty with this thing.

Ohh, by the way folks, we added one

more cheeky little twist. Call this one

***** off. Give me my asss back. No,

you're going to give me my ***** back.

Fine, your rest is mine.

Nick Cage is about to have his *****

handed to him. Hang on, they just rock

hard. Buns of steel are being used

against them. There's a left cheek to

change his cheek.

Travolta with a lethal but cheek

sandwich. That's what I call a rear

end. Collision changes down, and Travolta

proves he's worth that $20 million

payday. As Stone Cold might say, that's

the bottom line.

The monster is the winner.

Boy, another gripping death

match. Hmm. Hello lover.

Ohh.

With Mickey, I thought, you're not wrong,

Diamond, I got what I needed from

you. That zone of privacy can be

a bit. And it looks like the

search for Stacey Cornbread's replacement

will continue for Celebrity Deathmatch.

I'm Johnny Gomez saying good fight, good

night.