03x24 - Deathcon 2001

[bunniefuu]

Stop right there, sports fans. If you're

clicking around the dial in search of

violent, star-studded excitement, look no

further. We've got what you need right

here on some liberty.

Good evening. I'm Johnny Gomez and I'm

Nick Diamond. And this is Celebrity

Deathmatch Fandemonium, our yearly event

where bloodthirsty fans like you tell us

what celebrities they want to see beat

the tinkle out of each other, and

then we make it happen.

First up, Battle you've been requesting

for years, MTV's original animated odd

couple take to the deathmatch ring. It's

Beavis versus Butthead. Believe it,

folks. These two crazy kids are in the

house and they're ready to throw down.

But before we get to that ugliness,

referee Mills Lane has been up for days

tabulating the votes. Who submitted in

themtv.com Fandemonium poll in tonight's

main event is the Backstreet Boys

versus *NSYNC.

Malia, tonight's main event couldn't be

any more spectacular. What's the matter,

Nick? I think the Backstreet Boys and

In Sync have already been on the

show. What? Ah, no, you're thinking of

the Beastie Boys. No, the Backstreet Boys

were k*lled by the Beastie Boys, and

In Sync was. Was k*lled by KISS.

So what? The fans requested them. So how

can we bring these boy bands back to

fight if they're already dead? Yeah, I

see your point. Yo, sick bunch of sickos.

What do you expect us to do? Get

out of crystal ball and conjure up the

dead? Huh? What I don't understand is.

Why you even put them on the ballot?

After all, you are the Death Match

Webmaster. Which ballot? Ohh. OK, before

we worry about these details, we've got

one more piece of business to discuss. As

you folks know, mtv.com has also been

conducting a tour and Gore online fan

contest. Asking folks some tricky. Trivia

questions about the show tonight being

fandemonium. What better time to announce

that the contest is over? We have a

winner, and he's down at ringside with

Stone Cold Steve Austin right now.

Congratulations, Nicholas Carman, and on

behalf of the folks here at Celebrity

Deathmatch, I'd like to present you with

this. Wow, this severed head of. Rosie

O'Donnell, Jill back in Season 1, It's

kind of our way of saying thanks.

Far out stone cold. As a special

bonus, Nicholas will witness tonight's

action from the Celebrity Deathmatch

special #1 Fan Seat of Death. And

as if that weren't enough, your

complimentary deathmatch dog, Sir. Wow. I

hope you're hungry. Look, I'm sorry,

Nick, but it's your responsibility to

deliver the boy bands, even if you

have to go down to the depths

of hell and drag their scrawny Wonder

Bread ***** up here yourself, Right?

Right, Nick? Right. Ohh. OK,

I'll think of something you'd better

because the combatants in our first fight

are entering the arena.

Here they come now, Beavis

and Butthead.

Yeah, there's something peculiar about

these two, but I can't quite put my

finger on it. Well, for one thing,

they're two-dimensional. Come on, Johnny.

All celebrities are two-dimensional. OK,

you 2 punks. I want a good, clean

fight. Any questions? Yeah. Can I do your

granddaughter?

Ohh damn it, I'm in no mood for your

wifes crack. Let's get it on.

Get it on. I'm not going to get it

on with you, dude. You folks at home are

witnessing the first ever battle between

two living, breathing cartoon characters.

We should mention that this fight is

sponsored by our good friends at the

LACMA Corporation. They've helped us

ratchet up the action with a Trump full

of fun things to play with or to k*ll.

If we're lucky.

Maybe there's some cool ***********

inside. Yeah, yeah. Incredible. It's

some kind of giant pencil.

Give me that fart knocker.

Hey, Babeth. Check it out.

Hey, damn it. What are

you doing? Hey.

I erased your unit. Damn, it's

not funny. I need my unit.

Yeah, right. Ask Munch. You know,

Lavish takes up pencil to the

proboscis. But

Head is down. But not for long. He's

going back into the trunk. Whoa, what the

hell is this crap?

Duh, duh. Dung

hide. I think

it broke.

Ohh look at what that

dehydrated folder just got soaked.

Like a June bug in July. Karen Davis,

you dumb asss. He quit screwing around

and help me out. Hang on, I'll blow

you up. Below

me. Beavis

approaching with a fire extinguisher.

Ohhh. Yeah. Customising that extinguisher

blast has given Butthead a whole

new dimension. The 3D dimension. I've

never seen anything like it. Wow.

Check it out, Babe Ruth. I'm

in 3D. Come on. Dummy. Dummy.

Yeah, I'm not doing. You

asked why do yourself cold.

Damn it ohh.

Fat.

It's mainly down there. Exploding

farts are cool.

Wow, that's pretty cool.

How am I gonna spank my monkey?

Wow, they look pretty cool.

Call him Beavis Scissorhands.

Check it out. Free soda. Look at

this, Nick. These kids are taking

advantage of an unattended refreshment

cart. Something's terribly wrong with

Davis. He does seem to be quivering

uncontrollably. Damn it, baby. Get back

in here so we can fight to

the death or something. Are you

threatening me?

I can't believe it. It looks

like Beavis has transformed into his

alter ego. Who's his alter ego?

I am Cornholio.

Knock it off.

Settle down, Beavis. Oh Oh my

God. Cornholio is turning this ring

inside out, not to mention his

opponent. This fight may be over.

And the winner is Holio.

What the hell is he doing now?

It looks like he's gathering up those

long bloody butthead strips. But why?

Debbie? Debbie for GP, for his bong

hole? I'm sorry I asked. And with

those words of inspiration, Beavis claims

victory over his former partner in

comedy. Butthead, don't move, folks,

because the fight you picked is right

around the corner. It's an Old Town

showdown as the Backstreet Boys take on

In Sync. That is, if Nick can get it

together.

Welcome back to Celebrity Deathmatch

Pandemonium, the only show in America

where you, the viewer, gets to choose the

stars and then watch them k*ll each

other. Nick and I'd like to take a moment

to thank you, our loyal fans. For your

hard work keeping the show so damn

popular year after blood soaked year.

Hard work. How hard is it to sit on

your ***** watching TV for 30 minutes?

Well Nick, I think, I mean, do these

people have any idea how hard our job is?

You know what time I wake up every day?

Johnny, have you any idea what time my

day?Begins. 9:30

I was up working at 9:30

this morning people so then where's

our main event? But they're dead

Johnny remember and and I guess

that means the shows over goodnight

everybody Nick the fans asked for

*NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys now

get. Why don't you get to

work?

Our fans deserve

better.

OK, folks, it looks like it's going to be

a minute. While we're waiting, why don't

we check in with Stone Cold Steve Austin

and see who's at ringside? What? I

thought I was just supposed to present

the kid with the head, then I'm out. The

hell you want me to do now? Well, Stone

Cold, I was hoping that. Feel like a

freaking circus clown, Matenopoulos. I

make my living putting the hurt on

people, understand?

What you guys talking about back here? My

name is Ian, Oh Helmers, and it would be

a great honor if you would peel my arm

like a banana. Umm, OK, why the hell not?

Ohh wow I may

never play golf again.

Thanks. Stone cold. Sure,

no problem.

OK, OK, one at a time. Keep

up the great work. Stone Cold. Anyone

heard from Diamond? Ohh. Spirits of

insane spirits of Backstreet Boys. Listen

up. I'm sorry you're dead, but I

need you to come to the deathmatch

arena right away. If you can hear

me, give me some sort of sign.

No freaking piece of crap.

Yeah.

Great, now what?

Whoa, Diamond, With whom am

I speaking? None of them.

Shape himself. Yeah, right.

Leave me now.

Please don't k*ll me.

Because I host a very,

very important television show now.

All right, who's next?

Ohh God ohh

Mental Floss that

feels so good.

Terry, you know what? OK, Satan, explain

this to me. What are a couple of nice,

friendly boy bands doing in the fiery

depths of hell, huh? Listen, I don't pick

them. I just stick them. Good point. But

we need them back, and we've got cash.

If. You know there is such a

thing as cash in hell. I mean. Well

actually I feel like I owe you. Your show

has provided me with a lot of new

workers, except for that lazy bich

Richard Simmons. Besides, these boy bands

have made my life a living hell. So any

who you can have them, but I want

someone. Exchange like a

human, sacrifice whatever, and

tell them it's BYOP.

BYOP, bring your own

pitchfork.

Well, if it isn't our #1 fan having

fun tonight, boy howdy I sure am. Except

for that damn 3 foot Wiener. Think I

just choked your toilet?But since I

got you here, how'd you like to take part

in an exciting death match challenge,

huh? Ohh, man. Hey, do I get to beat

up Nikki Junior? Better come with me.

Listen, Mr. Diamond, I'm a big fan and

all, but I'm not taking my pants off. No,

no, no, it's nothing like that. You see,

they're smoking crater. Your mission is

to climb down there, find In Sync and the

Backstreet Boys and bring them back

immediately. I don't

know.

There

we

go.

Got him, I got him.

Johnny. Johnny.

Welcome back to Celebrity Deathmatch

Fandemonium. I don't know how, but Nick

Diamond has pulled it off and tonight's

main event is on. I can't believe

you're doubted me, Johnny. You must think

I'm some kind of doofus. Hey, can I get a

water up here? Guys, I don't want to

freak you out or nothing but any of the

sign of the apocalypse when boy bands

returned from the dead to walk the earth.

Hey, I got no problem with an apocalypse.

Just keep it in the ring.

By the way, where's our contest winner?

Uh, he had a bad hot dog or something

like that. The last time I saw him, he

was in the bathroom.

Well, he's going to miss the two most

marketable musical groups ever to plague

America back from the dead and on stage

together for the first time. On one side,

it's Orlando's Pride, the Backstreet

Boys, AJ, Kevin, Howie, Nick and Brian.

What can you tell us about these guys,

Stone?Ohh. Well, Nick since released

their debut album, the Backstreet Boys

have been redefining the meaning of pop

music success. They've whooped there's

both in the US and internationally, where

the album has received gold and platinum

awards. And 45 friggin countries with 28

million albums sold worldwide. What's

more, they're among People magazines 25

Most intriguing. People of the Year.

Gosh, Stone Cold. You sure

know a lot about them.

Anything else? Yeah, they suck

*****. And their opponents, Those

fabulous upstarts. Insync, JC, Joey,

Lance, Chris, and let's not

forget that adorable Justin. Hong Kong,

they look like tough competitors. Can you

tell us anything about Insync? Well,

absolutely, Nick. These guys suck asss

too. OK, boy band, I want a good

clean fight. Fight. No, I don't want to

fight. I want to go to the mall.

Ohh, Mom, shut up. Nobody's going to

any malls. You're here to fight. Got

it. Let's get it on. And this

Old Town showdown is arm. And only

one group will make it back to

Central Florida alive. Backstreet Boys.

Ohh, right. The Backstreet Boys start

things off in perfect harmony.

Lookout AJ's got JC in

a headline. Ohh JC may

be DOA after that. Hey,

let's go. What? Howie retaliates

with a Millennium Footman symbolic

move as these insane kids

have gotten off. On the wrong

foot look at this the Backstreet Boys are

employing their incredible sense of

rhythm you insync master drift off our

dance moves yes so go back to SeaWorld

before we RIP out your hearts watch this

Johnny *NSYNC is coming together for some

kind of strategy pow wow listen dudes,

these guys are going to. We know

we're a better band, but we gotta get it

together. But I don't wanna kick asss.

Can't we be on TRL instead? Shut up and

take off your shoes. But I only have one

foot. Just do it.

These kids have been so busy carving

complicated patterns into their goatees,

they've totally ignored their foot

hygiene. OK guys, you ready? Ready for

what? I tell you, I just can't figure

out what these kids are up to.

Pinwheel.

Believable. The punishing pinwheel. I've

never seen anything like it till I

knew these kids could dance but this

is a crazy as coreography.

Look at the Backstreet Boys. Those

frigging jacket toenails may have turned

this fight around.

Backstreet Boys h*. Yo, listen up. We're

the Backstreet Boys and we're here to

do what? Make our fans proud, Make

our parents proud. What else? Sell some

posters? Score some young tail? What

else? What else is there? Kick some

Insync button. Yeah.

That's right, now let's get him form

of back street beast.

What the hell is going on now Greek

boys have transformed into some kind of

backstreet feast buffet.

Now we're taking your.

Downtown.

In trouble? Ohh.

I think this fight is almost over, but

look out. Lance has gotten hold of a

rope. Look at

this, Johnny. And sank us up to

something. Cecil's got a security gate.

Who's Cecil? I don't know. The one with

the dreadlocks.

He's out of the ring and he's

out of control.



Put your legs.

The beast is tangled up in the booth and

it's still alive. What's wrong with the

power? I don't know, but I think it's

some kind of ran out. That's no Brown

out. That's Justin and Chris, and I think

they're going through.

This down and In Sync has won

this fight.

Nick, I gotta hand it to you, that was

one hell of a fight tonight. That's true,

Nick, and I can't believe you were able

to pull it off. Guys, I have a confession

to make. I traded our #1 fan to Satan.

Ohh. I wondered what happened to that

guy. I had to sacrifice him in exchange

for the boy bands. So then Nicholas

Cameraman's got to spend the rest of his

life. Hell, just for being our #1 fan,

that was pretty rotten, Nick.

But I guess it was worth it.

Enjoy yourselves tonight fellows. We had

a swell time. Say, how's Nicholas? Ohh,

he's in the fourth level of hell giving

Rosanna bath. Please send him our

regards. I sure will.

Guys, yeah, see you in

a few years.