01x07 - Does Jon Hamm Cry?

[bunniefuu]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[whispering] Psst! Kel!
Wake up, man. I need to talk to you.

Oh, Josh! Really not a good time.

-Josh, hey.
-Kate?

Legend. Good to see you back.

Thank you. It's good to be back.

Dude, what do you want?
Why are you in my room?

I would leave, but I have
something insane to tell you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
Oh, my God, what is it?

I love gossip. It doesn't even have
to be about someone I know.

Sometimes it's more fun when it isn't.

So, AJ is seeing someone.

-[gasps]
-Oh, yeah, yeah.

When I was staying there,
they were talking about the guy

she was seeing, or not seeing.
I-I forget where it ended.

Okay, well, did you know
that guy is her boss?

-[gasps]
-And Davis' boss.

He's the guy on the mug.

AJ's dating hot mug guy?

Wow, this is huge news, I assume.

Davis worships Bill.
He's his emergency contact in his phone.

-[muffled] Ooh!
-What-- what are we gonna do?

We promised we wouldn't
keep secrets from him.

There's only one thing to do.
A Steak and Tears.

Wait, wait, wait,
what's a Steak and Tears?

-I am rapt.
-It's this tradition we have

where when one of us has to deal
with some terrible news,

we surprise them with a dinner
at a fancy steakhouse.

Then we let them cry it out
over a T-bone and a million martinis.

By the time the lava cake comes,
the pain's out of their system.

They can go back to being a fun hang.

Basically, we deal with our feelings
the same way Jon Hamm does.

Is that how he deals with his feelings?

We don't actually know,
but can't you see him doing that?

I-- I can, yeah.

You know, this conversation
feels like it's reached an endpoint.

Um, you can go.

-Bye, Kate, great to see you.
-Out!

[♪ upbeat, electronic music playing]

♪ Do what you feel
'cause everything's real ♪

♪ 'Cause everything's real ♪

♪♪

♪♪

[singing] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

And that's all I'll sing
because I know you don't have patience

for that famously short song.

-Aw, thanks, Abs.
-[laughing]

I feel so seen.

I know your mom is coming down
from Boston to celebrate,

but I wanted the chance to pamper
my beautiful baby girl first.

Oh, my God,
you made my favorite breakfast.

Protein bar, black coffee,
and a hard copy Wall Street Journal.

[chuckles]
Okay, so what does Bill have planned?

I actually didn't tell him
it was my birthday.

What? That's like the whole point
of dating a rich guy.

You need to give him time to ask
his secretary to buy you jewels.

Things are going great.
I didn't wanna give him

the impossible challenge of buying
a birthday gift for a new girlfriend.

AJ, why do you let him off the hook?

You know, I had to go
to a newsstand in Penn Station

for this grandpa sh*t.

-[snorting]
-[knocking]

-[Amy] Open up! It's the drug police!
-[Abby chuckles]

-[gasps]
-I was just kidding.

It's me. I'm not the drug police.

I've been watching Ozark.

-Hi, Mom.
-Aw.

-Welcome to New York.
-Oh, happy birthday, baby.

Look at you! All grown up!

You look like one of those stewardesses
that only does first class.

Abby, get over here.

Oh, it's so good to see you, Mrs. P.

I know you may not have the time,
and so no pressure, but--

-Brows, butt, bikini.
-Yeah.

-[chuckles]
-On it. I brought my kit,

-and I just got a new type of wax.
-Ooh!

I'm so excited you're here, Mom.
Need anything before I go to work?

Don't worry about me, busy lady.

When you're off work,
we can go see Chicago.

Ashlee Simpson is playing Roxie.

I commented on her Insta
that we'll be waiting at the stage door.

I don't think I can see a show.
I don't get off work until 9:30.

9:30?

You have to work late on your birthday?

We work that late every day.

But I promise we will do
a special dinner tomorrow.

But tomorrow's not your birthday.

Mom, I know it's not ideal,

but, you know, the best gift
is that you're here.

Second best.
Wait till you see your present.

-Mm. Oh.
-Wow!

[laughing] "All That Jazz!"

We were supposed to wear those to Chicago.

Abby gets it, she's a fashion person.

Stunning.

-Thank you, Mom. I love you.
-Mm.

Oh, hey. I couldn't find my toothbrush
this morning, so I used yours, Josh.

[Davis knocking on counter]
And then I thought, this isn't cool.

So, I used Kel's to even it out.

Wait, so you used
both of our toothbrushes?

-Exactly.
-[Josh] Okay.

Well, uh...

Kel and I were thinking
we should all get dinner together.

Oh, hell yeah.

No, this could not have come
at a better time.

When I work from home,

-I just long for human connection.
-[Kel] Oh!

Whoa, where are your pants?

I'm on a deal with a client
from New Zealand.

Because of the time difference,
I'm full stay-at-home Davis.

Bare legs, basketball on mute,

and taking little naps
in your beds like Goldilocks.

[Kel] Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You need more fabric

between your a*s and that couch.

And... we've made contact.

-[Kel] Oh, come on!
-[Josh] Ah!

♪♪

-[school bell ringing]
-[Kel] Now,

people always say Mansfield Park
isn't one of Jane Austen's bangers.

But respectfully, Fanny Price
is low-key that b*tch.

-[students laughing]
-Now, we are about to take a journey

into the English countryside of 1806.

Yes, Beth.

We need to talk about the winter formal.

My boyfriend Rocco will be attending,

and he's bringing his crew
from Collegiate.

-[students murmuring]
-Oh, okay.

What's up with the Collegiate guys?

They're all smokeshows
and their parents give them HGH shots.

So, I'll need everyone to step it up.

I want to see
professional hair and makeup.

I want to see tanning
when ethnically appropriate.

-And I want to see a statement piece.
-[phone chimes]

[Kel]
"Jeremy O. Harris announces auditions

"for his highly anticipated
new Broadway play.

Casting for leads and large diverse
ensemble will begin today."

-Holy sh*t.
-[Beth] Holy sh*t is right, Kel.

I need everyone's outfits
to scream quiet luxury.

Wait, where the hell are Sarah and Marina?

Uh, they're out sick.
I got an email from both their moms.

[groaning] Fine.

I'll just give this exact same
announcement again

-tomorrow when they get back.
-[pen clicking]

Hey, Mom. How's the redecorating going?

Which wallpaper did you pick,
the hummingbirds or the koi?

Wait, why are you crying?

Dad did what?

What the hell? You're leaving Mom?

Josh, sweetheart, you have to understand,

your mother already left me
years ago emotionally.

No, she didn't. I was there!

She's still super into you.

She got her eyelids done for you.

No, I-- I know,
her eyes are always so dry.

Now every room in the house has
her disgusting little eye drops in them.

That is not grounds for divorce!

What is really going on here?

Remember when I had my portrait
commissioned last year?

Well, it came back last week,
and, Josh, I look great.

Tanned, fit. Like a Cuomo brother.

While your mother looks... [sighs]

Um... distinguished.

Oh, my God.

You're leaving Mom because she's too old?

She's way younger than you.

It's not because your mother's old.

It's because she makes me feel old.

That's the same thing.

I know this is hard for you, son,

but today is the day you realize

your father is just a man.

Not Superman. Not Spider-Man.

More like Iron Man.

Handsome, irreverent, house in Malibu,

needs a piece of equipment
to keep his heart beating.

I just don't understand.

This is why you're throwing away
a 30-year marriage?

I'll always love your mother,
but it's time for me to move on.

Oh, and do you still have your cute
high school English teacher's email?

She and I had real chemistry.

Okay. I'm going.

Oh, alright. Okay, sweetie.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[gasps]

[squealing] My ad! My ad!

-Oh, my God.
-[camera clicking]

Ugh, I love that shirt. I want that look.

I'd be the hottest hospice nurse
on the floor.

Why are you so concerned
with how you look at work?

Okay, why are you so mad
when I'm talking about a shirt?

The shirt is Rafe Calder
Spring-Summer '26.

Okay, that was a private conversation.

Sorry, it's just I styled this,
and I'm really proud of it.

Wait, I can find you a link.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, it's sold out!

That's great news!

For you. That was so unhelpful.

Sorry. [chuckles] I'm gonna go now.

♪♪

I'm sorry, but I don't have
a Kel Washington on my list.

Yeah, I think that's probably
because I'm-- I'm not.

-[walkie beeping]
-Yeah, Stevie, can you come up here?

-We have another audition crasher.
-[Stevie] Copy.

Please.

I'm obsessed with Jeremy O. Harris,

and the press release says you're looking
for a diverse ensemble.

I'm hella diverse.

Yeah, you do have a good look.

You know, I once was an actor,
and I used to think if one person,

one gatekeeper could let me through,
then I would just blow them away.

Exactly!

Yeah, but nobody did that for me,
so I'm not doing that for you.

We only take auditions
booked by agents, so scram.

Next!

-Right now.
-Oh, okay.

Okay.

[Sarah] I cannot believe we got to see
Phillipa Soo in Hamilton.

[Marina]
I never thought I'd see her perform.

Wait! Sarah and Marina?

Oh, my God, it's Mr. Washington.

[both coughing]

Okay, your acting is terrible. Come here.

You guys played hooky?
You missed a great lesson today.

I'm sorry, but we didn't have a choice.

Phillipa Soo was only sitting in
for this one performance.

I can't believe you impersonated
your moms to get out of school.

I should have known, those emails
used way too many emojis.

I guess I did use a lot of hearts.

Well, I'm gonna have to tell your parents
and the school about this.

Please don't get us in trouble, Mr. W.

We did this because it was the only way.

Haven't you ever needed something so badly

that you told a little lie?

[Marina] Come on, let's go.

[Bill] What do you mean you need to
"fly this up the flagpole"?

Greg, no! This isn't a school project,

it's a $50 million deal.

So just take a deep breath
and do your job.

Pascarelli, hey. [snapping]

-Get the updated models.
-On it.

♪ Happy birthday ♪

-♪ To you ♪
-[whispering] No! No! No!

-♪ Happy birthday ♪
-Mom!

-♪ To you ♪
-Mom, no, I'm on a call.

-♪ Happy birthday ♪
-Mom!

-♪ Dear AJ ♪
-[blowing]

Mom, what are you doing here?
I said we'd hang out tomorrow.

And we will! But it's your birthday,

and everybody
deserves a birthday surprise.

-Mom...
-Now, who wants cake?

Can somebody be a doll
and cut this for me?

-Love her.
-Hey, what the f*ck is going on?

We're on a call. This is a workplace.

Excuse me, nobody talks to me that way.

In your Brooks Brothers suit
and your skinny little tie.

Mom, stop! Bill, this is my mom.

She just, uh, brought me a cake
for my, uh, birthday.

Oh. Okay.

Well, happy birthday, AJ.

But the CFO of Spanx
doesn't need to know about this.

Hey. Yeah, sorry about that.

I know he's your boss, AJ,
but that guy could give your dad

a run for his money
in the as*h*le department.

[♪ upbeat R&B music playing]

Look, I know we ordered
six stuffed mushrooms,

and these two are for Josh,

but if we told him
it was an order of three,

I could eat one more
and he would never know.

Yeah, whatever.
Look, I need to ask you a favor.

And it's really unethical,
so it's completely okay if you say no.

Okay. What is it?

I need you to pretend to be my agent
and get me an audition.

Uh, yeah, of course I'll do that.

-Yeah?
-Yeah, I'm an investment banker.

You think I don't know
how to be unethical?

-[chuckles]
-Looks like we both

like to be bad sometimes.

I'm just glad this didn't end up
being a Steak and Tears tonight.

I was getting suspicious.

Yeah, yeah.
We should really wait for Josh.

Wait, this is a Steak and Tears?

Why?
Did you beat the new Zelda without me?

I will k*ll myself.

Josh, finally.
Is someone gonna tell me

-what the hell's going on here?
-Okay, Davis, I can't lie to you.

This is a Steak and Tears because--

My dad is leaving my mom.

-Oh, my God.
-Yeah.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, no wonder
you needed your boys tonight.

Let's get you a passion fruit Cosmo stat!

Your favorite drink will cheer you up.

I can't believe this--
The nursing room?

Mom!

Mom, what the hell was that?

You can't just barge into my work.

Fisher Stassen is the premier
investment bank in New York City.

I don't care if it's Fisher Stassen
and Big Papi.

Manners are manners.

You don't get it. Places like this

don't usually take people like me.

-I can't mess this up.
-People like you?

-Do you hear yourself?
-[sighs]

[scoffs] I'm sorry, honey.

I just don't understand a workplace
that won't let you

have cake on your birthday
or go have dinner with your mother.

Where's the humanity in that?

You don't get it because
you don't have a career,

you have a job!

[Amy scoffs]

I guess that's true.

I know you work with a bunch of dickholes.

I just didn't know
you would become one, too.

Mom.

Enjoy it now.
One day, they'll hate you for no reason.

[sighs]

Ah!

I just thought my dad was the perfect guy.

The career, the looks,
his beautiful laugh.

Was I wrong?

Wait, why aren't you telling me
my dad is awesome?

I don't wanna talk sh*t about your dad.

He did take us on his yacht.

Yes, see? That was fun.

Was it, though? Because I tried to do
the "king of the world,"

and he pushed me overboard
and called me g*y.

-You got the picture.
-Okay, but remember in high school,

at the start of every year,
he'd always say which girls

filled out the most during summer?

[groaning] That wasn't great.

-Yeah.
-[Josh] Wait.

When I was in sixth grade,
I was a little chubby,

so my dad and I had this inside joke
where he called me Miss Piggy.

[stifled laugh]

Sorry. That's f*cked up.

Anyway, I thought
it was funny at the time.

Oh, my God.

My dad is a d*ck.

-[stifled sob]
-It's okay, buddy.

-Let it out.
-[sobbing]

Garcon! [snapping] More napkins.

-And more stuffed mushrooms.
-[Kel] Let it out.

-Yeah.
-Let it out.

[♪ easygoing music playing]

Thanks for eating out here with me.

I didn't want to wake up my mom
and have her yell at me again.

You're too hard on her.
Like, at least she's fun.

For my birthday,
my mom forgot my birthday.

[Josh] m*therf*cker!

Josh, what are you doing?

Throwing my dad's stupid sweaters away.

He's leaving my mom.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Is that-- is that sweater a Loro Piana?
Are you nuts?

I don't want a trace of him in my life.

They were this perfect couple.

Married for 30 years.
Three beautiful children.

Yeah, it sucks.

My dad left when I was two.

Respectfully, I think
my situation is sadder

'cause I'm so aware of everything
that's happening to me.

f*ck you, Dad.

f*ck you for this turmoil within.

-I don't need this fancy watch.
-[Abby] Wait, wait.

I do, I do, I do. I'll take it.

-Won't make you happy.
-Girl, it might.

It's so nice.

I don't know, Davis.

I'm second-guessing
you pretending to be my agent.

We can't turn back now, Kel.
I'm already in character.

Where'd you get that hat?

I borrowed it from Josh.
His grandpa died in it.

Hello, this is Chaz Riviera
from The Riviera Agency,

and I have a client I'd like to send in

to audition for Jeremy Harris' new play.

-Uh, Jeremy O. Harris.
-Sorry, Jeremy O'Harris.

A fellow Irishman, I presume.

Look, I represent a lot of A-list clients,

but I'm calling about
the most exciting young actor

you probably haven't heard of.

The wickedly talented,
one and only, Kel Washington.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

-Uh-huh.
-[whispering] What are they saying?

Well, it sounds like Kel
would be perfect for this.

And honestly, when you see his headshot,
you're gonna cream your jeans.

So, I'll go ahead and send over his info.

If you can just get back to me
about that audition slot.

Perfect. I have to go to lunch

with Benicio del Toro and Leo DiCaps,

but I'll have my assistant Josh Teitelbaum

send over Kel's materials ASAP, Rocky.

Another client. Bye-bye.

-Sounds like it went well.
-Uh, baby,

when you're Chaz Riviera,
things don't go well.

They go off.

Okay, you can drop
the character now, Davis.

Who's Davis?

Don't forget my 10%. Chaz!

[knocking]

Oh, wow!

Sorry, I'll never get used
to seeing your costume

for this George Washington movie.

Well, technically, it's Martha's movie.

I mostly just chase her
through hanging laundry.

-Right. [chuckles]
-So, what's up?

Or as they say in colonial times,
"What news?"

-[laughing]
-We're ready for you on set.

-Oh. Will you walk with me?
-Of course.

So, as you know,
your Ketamine ad is blowing up.

The Rafe Calder shirt I put you in
has sold out everywhere.

-Oh, great.
-Yeah.

And I had a really crazy idea

from back when I was an assistant.

I know Rafe's favorite lunch spot.

So, I thought I would go there
and pitch you to him

as a brand ambassador.

Hm. Interesting.

Interesting or, like, the most
amazing idea I've ever had?

I don't know if I'd go that far,

-but if you're excited, I'm excited.
-Okay.

We've really gotta go. They're all
set up for the cherry tree stunt.

Oh! That's the biggie.

[chuckles] Great. I will let you know

-how it goes with Rafe.
-Who?

Rafe Calder, the designer?

I mentioned him, like, two seconds ago.

-Oh, yeah, right. Cool.
-Great.

-Bye.
-Good morrow.

Good morrow. [chuckles]

[Amy] m*therf*cker. f*ck!

Uh, hello, ma'am?

Are you okay?

No, I'm not.

I was trying to leave
my daughter's place in a huff,

and I left my HRT meds
on the bathroom counter,

and I don't have the keys,
and I'm too proud to text her at work

'cause she was being such a b*tch.

Wait a minute, are you-- are you AJ's mom?

Yeah.

Amy. How'd you know?

Uh, maybe the Boston of it all.
AJ and I actually work together.

I also recognize you
from your many, many comments

on her Instagram account.

It seems that you sometimes
think the comments are DMs?

Yeah, I'm just a stupid moron
who doesn't know

how to do anything, okay?

Oh, no, I did-- I'm not...

-Do you-- do you want some help?
-Sure.

If you can tell me
what's going on with this outfit.

Yes, no, I can-- I-- Yes, I'll explain.

[Jeremy O. Harris]
Who's next? Kel Washington?

That's me. Hi.

[clears throat] Mr. O. Harris,

can I just say it's an honor to be here?

Uh, it means a lot to me and my team
at The Riviera Agency.

Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there.

We know you don't have an agent.

-Uh, you do?
-Yeah.

Whoever called casting
was clearly a psychopath.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what I was thinking,
I was desperate.

Oh, my God.

Did you call me in
just to publicly humiliate me?

-I'll take it. I deserve it.
-[chuckles] No.

Listen, I saw your material,
and I liked what I saw.

So I figured, why not give you a chance?

Wait, r-really? [laughing]

Uh, that's incredible.
I promise if you cast me,

-I swear, I will never lie to you again.
-Okay, bring it down.

I'm a scammer, too.

At the beginning of my career,
I had to beg, borrow, and steal

to get any of my work put up.

But I never let anyone
or anything stand in my way.

You shouldn't either.

Alright, um, Kel.
That is your real name, right?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Let's see what you got.

Hi, I'm here to-- Oh, I see him.

Thank you.

[clears throat]

Oh, excuse me.

Can you grab me some more butter
for this sourdough?

A fly landed in it
and flew off without its head.

Oh, I'm not a server.

I'm Abby. I used to work for Vanessa Hsu.

Oh, yeah.

I love her. She's such a huge b*tch.

Yes, she's a big personality.

Mm. Sorry, why are you talking to me?

I recently styled Austin Blanchett
in one of your shirts,

and it immediately sold out
on your website.

-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

We couldn't give those shirts away.
We were about to dump them in a...

-donation bin for textiles.
-That's great.

Sustainability means a lot to me, too.

Point is, Austin looks great
in your clothes

and would be a perfect brand ambassador.

Well, calm down, little girl.

You didn't invent the idea
of brand ambassador.

And, no sh*t,
Austin looks great in our clothes.

But I will say it's interesting

that he would be open
to something like this.

I mean, he's always been
so cagey about fashion,

which, of course, makes me
want to work with him even more.

So, you will think about it?

Yes, I will.

That's great. Thank you. [chuckles]

Now, if you could just excuse me,
I don't want anyone to see

-what I'm about to do to these fries.
-Of course.

[chuckles] Thank you.

[clearing throat]

And AJ just yells at me
in front of the entire office.

-It was so embarrassing.
-Mm.

I just wanted to surprise her
for her birthday

with a cake, and a song,
and a bunch of balloons.

Oof, yeah, I can see
how that wouldn't go over well.

-But I get it. I'm a big gesture guy, too.
-Yeah?

Yeah. I once surprised a girl
on her family trip to Yosemite.

Walked right into a faceful
of her grandpa's ashes.

-Oh.
-Yeah.

I just don't get why anyone
would want to work

-at a place like that.
-Totally.

Our office is kind of uptight,
but I'm sure AJ feels terrible

about yelling at you.

In her defense, we're always
under so much pressure.

You should be proud, though.
I mean, AJ is, like, k*lling it.

You know, AJ's been telling me
she likes a guy at work.

Now I think I know
who she's talking about.

-Whoa. [chuckles]
-Anyway.

Could I wait at your place
until the girls get back?

It would be my honor.

[Wes] David, please, in the history of
public divorces, this isn't even a blip.

What's going on in Wes' office?

Did they over-pluck his eyebrows again?

No, he's in there with your dad.

-My dad?
-[Warren] He doesn't want the network

to report on his divorce.

Of course, I wholeheartedly agree.

Your personal business isn't news.

Oh, thank you for understanding.

Uh, good job, everybody.
Keep doing what you're doing.

Whoops!

Uh, okay. Have a good show tonight.

Hey, do you see what you just did?

You just spilled coffee
all over Warren's desk.

Oh. Sorry there, chief.

[chuckles]

Are you going to clean it up?

Uh, no need, David.
We'll take care of that.

[chuckles] Uh, Warren?

A-Absolutely.

I hate this sweater anyway,
so it's perfect.

No, no, no, my-- my son's right,

and I appreciate him pointing it out.

I made a mess. I'll clean it up.

And blot, blot, blot, blot, blot.

And blot. Good as new.

Some of it dripped on the floor.

Man of the people, everyone. [chuckles]

-Shall we?
-Mm.

[Wes] And that is why you're so beloved.
Such humility.

[school bell rings]

[Kel] Thanks for hanging back, you two.

Please, if you're gonna punish us
for ditching,

can we just get it over with?

When my parents find out,
they're gonna make me

RealReal my Labubu.

I don't know what you just said,
but I've thought it over,

and I've decided to look the other way.

-Wait. Really?
-Yes.

Just this once.

Sometimes it's okay
to bend the rules a little,

especially when you're doing it
to follow your passion.

[Sarah] Yes! Exactly!

That is why we did it.

I mean, we also went thrifting
and got boba.

And we went to the Katseye pop-up.

La, la, la, la, la!
Don't tell me that stuff.

You're all good this time.

-Just don't do it again.
-[Sarah] We won't.

Thanks, Mr. Washington.

-You're actually okay.
-[phone ringing]

As much as I'd love to bask in the glow
of that enormous compliment,

I've gotta take this. Excuse me.

-Yo.
-[Davis] [on phone] Bad news, man.

You didn't get the lead in Jeremy's play.

They gave it to some guy,
L.A. Keith Stanfield?

Uh, forget L.A. Keith.

How about give it to New York Kel?

[Kel]
It's LaKeith Stanfield, and he's a genius.

No genius would choose to live in LA,
you know that.

[sighs] Well, anyway, it's okay, I tried.

No, it's not okay. It's bullshit.

[chuckles] Davis, you're a great agent.

[Davis] It's Chaz.

Chaz, it's really great
that I even got the audition.

Oh. They did offer you this other part
that only has, like, two lines.

But my boy deserves the best,

so I'm gonna go tell 'em
to f*ck themselves, cool?

Wait, wait, wait. What, what?
I got a part?

I'm gonna be on Broadway?

Uh, it's a really small part, but okay.

If baby's happy, Chaz is happy.

Yeah, I'm happy. I'm happy.

I got a part!

Sorry. Go to class, girls.

[quietly] Yeah. f*ck!

♪ When I wake up in the morning ♪

♪ The very first thing I do... ♪

Hey, Mom.

-[tablet game playing]
-Oh, hey.

[sighs]

Mom, look, I'm really sorry.

I had no business
talking to you like that,

and I'm so excited you're here.

If you weren't, I don't think
I'd even celebrate.

[clicking tongue]

[sighs] Oh, honey.

It's okay.

I'm just worried about you.

Oh, God, Mom, that's like
universally the worst thing

a parent can say to a child.

Can't you just be mad at me
so I can ignore it?

I just feel like... you're changing.

It's fine. Everyone does.

It's why I tell people
to wax and not laser.

-'Cause laser is forever.
-Exactly.

-Mm-hmm.
-The point is...

I hope you know you were great
even before this job.

Mm.

[knocking]

Hm.

-Don't take it, you're being served!
-[scoffs]

Oh, it's a birthday card.

[Bill] "Happy Birthday.
Sorry I yelled at your mom.

Take Saturday off.
And hold Sunday for me. Bill."

[chuckles]

Mom, want to go see Chicago tonight?

Are you kidding me?!

[both squealing, laughing]

It's showtime!

♪ And I was barely 17 years old ♪

♪ It was in New York City ♪

-♪ And the eastside wind blew cold ♪
-[knocking at door]

Hi!

-Hey.
-Oh, my God, I'm so glad you're here.

I've been thinking of so many
great ideas for the campaign.

I can't believe it.
My famous brand ambassador.

Yeah, I brought you
these palo santo sticks.

Oh. [chuckles] Why?

You can use them
to cleanse the negative energy.

-Wait, is something wrong?
-[sighs] We should talk.

I can't believe you stood up to your dad.

Honestly, I'm seeing him with new eyes.

You know, with all the stuff
with my mom, he had it coming.

Yeah.
But aren't you, like, worried he's mad?

Doesn't he pay for your whole life?

[sighs] Yeah.

-[door opens]
-Hey, Davis, what's with the flowers?

They're for AJ. [inhales deeply]

It's time to make my move.

I-- I had a great convo with Amy,

that's AJ's mom, and maybe
my future mother-in-law.

And she told me that AJ
likes somebody at work,

and all signs point to this Adonis
in Sperry Topsiders.

[both] She's sleeping with your boss.

What?

I saw Bill coming out
of her apartment the other morning.

I heard the girls talking about it.
It's Bill.

[choking up] Hm. Bill, my mentor?

-And AJ?
-[softly] Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey, don't look
at the terrace like that.

-Eyes on me, big guy.
-No, it's fine.

I'm good. I'm really good.

[chuckles] No, it's... I'm fine.

It's-- I'm just gonna... [sobbing]

-[Kel] We're so sorry, man.
-[sobbing] No. It's fine, I just--

I just thought that--

I just thought that she was gonna be...

-[imitating Borat] ...my wife.
-[Josh] Hey, man.

You don't need to do Borat right now.

Just feel your feelings.

No, it's fine.

I should be able to control myself.

This is what the Steak and Tears system
was created for.

I don't know. I'm beginning to think

the whole Steak and Tears thing
was just an excuse

for us to get all drunk
and meat-ed up every couple months.

Yeah, I think crying when you need to
is maybe the healthier option.

It's certainly cheaper.

But isn't it more masculine,

like, not to cry, like...

What about Jon Hamm?

Hey, maybe Jon Hamm doesn't need to cry.

He's-- he's the voice of Mercedes,
and he lives in a mansion in LA.

But it doesn't make us
any less masculine if we need to.

No, it does.

But I'm okay with that.

Yeah, me too. [sniffling]

[Josh] Oh, God.

-[sobbing]
-It's happening again.

-Kel, get more tissues.
-No.

Abby, look, I've been getting really deep

into the research
for my character I'm playing.

And...

I found out he's, like,
this really authentic guy.

He was the first president.

Yeah, I'm aware. George Washington.

Anyway, in my research,

I learned that George

had this thing
where he couldn't tell a lie.

-And, well--
-What are you trying to say?

Fi introduced me to her stylist,
and I'm gonna use her, not you.

What?

Oh, Fi is what I call Sofia Coppola.

No. No, no, no, not that.

Wait, uh, you're firing me?

We've been k*lling it.
What about the campaign?

Yeah, nah. We're not gonna do that.

Fi-- uh, again, Sofia Coppola,

she's worried that I might
become overexposed.

[Austin sighs]

You must be stunned.

And I want you to know that
I will always be here for you

if you ever need an autograph
for a niece or nephew or something.

Get the hell out of here.

Go!

And take your stupid sticks with you.

[palo santo clattering]

-[door closes]
-[sighs heavily]

♪♪

♪ You and me, we’ll bloom in the sun ♪

♪ We’ll lift our tongues ♪

♪ And swallow the whole sky whole ♪

♪ When we wake,
we’re covered in dew drops ♪

♪ Lying on cool rocks ♪

♪ Watching the day drift on ♪

♪ Slipped in a daydream ♪

♪ Sweet as they can be ♪

♪ If you will let me... ♪