04x10 - Goodbye

[bunniefuu]

[Carmy] You good?

Yeah, I just, um... Smoking a cigarette.

You don't smoke.

I don't know, man. I was just...
I'm getting some air.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You didn't talk to me all service.

Was focused.

- Yeah, I don't like the way this feels.
- I mean, neither do I, so...

Well, what's up?

What?

Talked to Pete.

Yeah.

Yeah.

- I wanted to talk to you about that.
- Well, here we are.

Okay. Um...

Yeah, I should have... I should have...

You're leaving.

- No. No, that's... I'm not leaving.
- You are quitting...

- No. No, I'm not quitting.
- ...and you are leaving me

- with all of this sh*t.
- I'm not leaving anything.

- And you couldn't even tell me.
- No... That's not how it is.

- I had to find it out from Pete.
- Syd, can you just...

- Okay, can you just hold on?
- So...

Can you hold on? Can you just...

Please. Give me a second.

It's the best thing
for the restaurant. Okay?

We have to put the restaurant first.

Cool.

Cool?

Yeah, I mean, cool.

If that's what you got for me,
then that's what I have for you, you know?

That's what I got for you?
What does that...

It's not good enough. You're going
to have to say something else.

Yeah, I'm trying.
I'm trying to think of what I can say.

It's for the best of the restaurant?

- That's why we have to put...
- I thought you'd be psyched.

- Psyched?
- Yes!

Psyched? Psyched for what?

Psyched for the restaurant
that's losing money every f*cking second

- and is gonna shut down?
- No, it's not like that, okay?

- Then tell me.
- I'm gonna get us out of the debt.

I'm gonna get us in the clear
before I leave, okay?

I didn't know that.
Well, thank you very much for that offer.

- Don't f*cking do that.
- Then you don't f*cking do this.

- Sydney, please, just...
- What the f*ck is the plan, mind you?

What is your master plan
for getting us out of this debt?

This debt that you put us in, by the way.

I know, but you can't blame it all on me,
okay? We're gonna figure it out.

I'm not blaming it all on you.
Maybe somewhere from 50 to 75%.

But, I mean, not all of it. What is it
though? What's the figuring it out?

- What's the plan? Tell me what it is.
- We have the correct team in place now.

Okay? All right?
We're doing this the correct way.

Okay, wait, so the correct way,
with the correct team

that you're removing yourself from? Or...

Sydney, please.
I'm trying to explain it to you, okay?

No. I don't wanna... I just... Could I
actually just not hear you talk, please,

for one f*cking second?

You don't... You don't do that.

Well, then f*cking help me, please.

This is all I've ever done.

It's all I've ever known.

So now why is that my problem?

That's... That's what I'm saying.

That it's my problem?

No, that it shouldn't be.

Explain.

I think I-I-I did this
so I didn't have to do other things.

Opened a restaurant?

Become a cook.

Like... Like, what? Like an escape?

Sure, yeah.

I mean... I mean,
then join the f*cking club.

I don't know what to tell you.
You... You love this.

[sighs]

I used to, yeah.

Not now?

No.

No.

I just... I feel like I don't have
anything to draw on, you know?

I don't have anything to pull from.

Jesus Christ.

You love this.

Yeah, for whatever f*cked-up reason, yeah.
Yeah, I do.

It wasn't a question.

If I didn't love it,
I wouldn't put up with so much bullshit,

- present bullshit included.
- I understand.

- I understand that. I understand.
- What do you understand?

[sighs]

I just...

I think... I think I put a lot of things
in the way

of-of dealing with very real things
and I am aware of that, okay?

I think I-I-I was trying to, like,
put... put hurdles in the way.

Hurdles?

- Hurdles.
- Hurdles like... like what?

- Like...
- Like changing the menu every day...

- Probably.
- ...and not communicating...

- Yes, probably. Yes, I think so.
- ...and not apologizing to people.

And just being a f*cking menace
in general.

- [stammers] I think I... Yes, okay?
- Okay.

I think, yes. But you also...

you can't act like you weren't trying
to get the f*ck out of here.

What the f*ck are you talking about?

- Sydney...
- No, I don't wanna do this right now.

This is not what this is f*cking about.
I do not wanna do this right now.

Don't.

- I've known Adam for a very long time.
- f*ck off.

- You realize that, right?
- Yeah, okay, well...

Can you stop doing that?

- [coughs]
- You're not good at smoking.

I'm gonna get good.

I was gonna tell you.

And then it all f*cking just got weird
and blew up

- and annoying and he...
- I understand why you did it.

- I understand. Yes, I do.
- No, no.

- No, no.
- I get it. It makes sense.

But I should have told you
and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you.

- It's okay.
- No, but it's not okay,

and it's a f*cking symptom of this whole
f*cking sh*t that I didn't tell you.

And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you,
but you were being a f*cking maniac.

- I know I was being a maniac...
- No, actually a maniac.

...and that's what I'm trying to tell you.

I'm trying to tell you I'm sorry for that.
That's what I'm saying.

For driving the business in the ground
and f*cking yelling at Richie?

- And f*cking yelling at everybody?
- I know that. I would want to leave too.

- I f*cking get it!
- I know you know that, but no, Carmy.

I need you to know because, like, I'm
sorry that it f*cking even got to this.

And I'm sorry for everything
that you've been through,

- and that your family...
- That's not what this is!

- Yes, it is what it is...
- No, it's not. Please.

...because it's the f*cking elephant
in the f*cking restaurant, man.

And I'm so sorry that your family
has had to go through this sh*t...

- Stop. Stop, Syd.
- ...and the fact that you

- and Nat...
- Please stop. You don't have to do that.

...and Richie have to come to work every day

and f*cking work your way
through this sh*t.

I'm not gonna f*cking stop it. I'm sorry.

I'm not 'cause it's awful

and the little of it that I understand,
it's a f*cking nightmare.

And I'm sorry that it's happened to you
and it's happening to you,

but when you take it out on the restaurant
and the people who work here

and the f*cking business and on me,
it's beyond the f*cking...

I know that. That's why I have to
remove myself. That's what I'm saying.

Why? To go do f*cking what?

To make me not like this.

How?

I...

I think I have put a lot of stuff
in the way, right? Of... Of... Of not...

Of not dealing with other stuff. Okay?

And-And-And I think I'm really...
I'm trying to run into that.

All right?
So I'm not blocked by it anymore.

I'm not... I'm not scared of it anymore.
I'm not sprinting from it anymore.

Hey, I think that's great.

- You do?
- Of course I do.

Okay, and I think it's great that Adam
wants you to be at his restaurant.

I mean, I think
that's a really great opportunity, and...

And, you know, I think he's actually...
he's pretty good, so...

- Okay, don't be a f*cking as*h*le.
- I'm not being an as*h*le.

It's the truth. Like, he's just...
he's f*cking... he's okay.

And what? You're better?

Yeah, I smoke him.

Okay, congrats.

- And so do you.
- f*ck off.

Syd, you're everything I'm never gonna be.

What the f*ck are you talking about?

You're just... You are.
[stammers] You are considerate.

You... You allow yourself
to feel things, right?

You allow yourself to care.
You are a natural leader and teacher.

And you're doing all this stuff
for every right f*cking reason.

And I get it.
This is a great opportunity, right?

And it's for a lot of f*cking money

and you can hire
whoever the f*ck you want, right?

But this place...
Right now, this is starting to gel.

It is starting to feel alive, right?

And you have seven people in this building

who will jump in front of a f*cking train
for you right now.

And I'm gonna do everything I can
to set you up for success but...

...any chance of any kind
of good in this building,

it started when you walked in.

And any possibility of it surviving...

It's with you.

How can you say that?

I believe in you more than
I've ever believed in myself.

Jesus.

Why?

Because you're The Bear.

- And what if you're wrong?
- I'm not.

- And if you are?
- I'm not.

You change your mind
every f*cking ten seconds.

I know. But that's not what this is.

- That's not what this is.
- What is it then? You're leaving.

Syd, you don't need me.

I know I don't need you,
but that's not the point.

You're supposed to f*cking be here.

And you self-sabotage and you run away
when things are good

- and it's not f*cking fair!
- I know. I know that's what I do

- and I'm trying to break that.
- So then why are you doing it?

- I'm trying to change that, okay?
- You're my partner!

- I'm your friend!
- You're not f*cking acting like it!

Whoa! Whoa! Oh!

What the f*ck are you two shouting about?

- [door closes]
- He's leaving.

All right, great.
Clean up without his a*s.

He's f*cking quitting the restaurant.

What?

Yeah.

You're quitting?

- I'm retiring.
- [laughs]

Right.

You're retiring? You're 12.

[Carmy] Richie, I'm f*cking...
I'm f*cking done.

[Richie] Done with what?

[Carmy] Restaurants.

You on f*cking drugs right now?

No, I'm telling you, I'm just...
I'm f*cking... I'm out.

All right.

All right. Well, uh... [chuckles]
Good luck, Admiral.

We'll send you your watch.

I'm serious.

Yeah, no, no, I know. Of course.
Of course. Yeah, go on.

Of course what? Of course what?
What does that mean? What do you mean?

No, just, of course, take off.
This is what you're good at, you know?

The f*ck does that mean?
It's what I'm good at?

No, it means that we're down.
We're getting the sh*t kicked out of us.

So yeah, f*cking, you know, take off.
It's fine. It's fine.

- That's not what this is! Okay?
- All right.

- It's classic escapism.
- That's not what this is. No, it's not.

- Fight or flight.
- I'm trying to tell you something, okay?

- We gotta fight and this is flight.
- I'm gonna get us out of the debt.

I'm gonna get us in the clear, okay?

That's not what this is.
I'm putting the restaurant first.

Don't say
you're putting the restaurant first.

[Carmy] That's what I'm f*cking doing!

Yeah, just like you put your family first.

- Come on, Syd, let's f*cking... Come on.
- [Sydney] Richie.

Richie, I'm sorry.

- Richie, listen to me, okay?
- Carmen, go f*ck yourself.

I'm trying to tell you something
f*cking real.

- Carmen, go f*ck yourself!
- I'm trying to apologize to you!

I don't wanna hear your f*cking apologies.

You're not f*cking letting me!

Richie, I'm trying... I'm trying to
f*cking tell you something. I'm trying...

I don't wanna f*cking hear it.
Your sorries are sh*t.

Chef Sydney, I'm gonna go in.

I'm gonna review the schedule,
see if we can cut some hours.

Actually, Chef Carmen is doing us a favor
'cause we could really use that salary.

So thanks.

- [door opens]
- I went to Michael's funeral.

What did you just say?

I'm gonna... Um, I'm gonna go inside.

- I don't think I should be...
- No. Stay. Stay for a sec, please?

Why'd you just say that?

I should have told you before.
I'm telling you now.

- What the f*ck are you trying to do?
- I'm being honest with you, Richie.

- Are you trying to f*ck me up right now?
- No.

There's no refrigerator door here
right now.

- Richie, I'm not trying to f*ck you up.
- Do not f*ck with me.

- I'm trying to tell you something, Richie.
- I will f*cking destroy you.

- Please, stop, Richie. Richie, stop.
- Richie, I'm not f*cking with you.

- I will f*cking destroy you.
- Richie, stop. Richie.

Richie, please, please, stop.

Richie, please, please,
please f*cking stop.

- Please, Richie. Please, stop.
- All right. All right. All right.

- You went to the funeral?
- Yeah.

- I did. I went to the funeral, yes.
- Okay.

What was I wearing?

What?

If you went to the funeral,
you'd know what I was wearing.

I have no f*cking idea
what you were wearing, Richie.

I don't f*cking know.

So you just went in,
you didn't say anything?

You didn't see anybody, huh?

I went in for a second.

And then I left.

And then I sat in my car.

Why?

I couldn't handle it.

Yeah, no sh*t.

How the f*ck do you think
anybody f*cking handles it?

I know. I understand that. It was shameful
and I'm ashamed and it was horrible,

and I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.

You have any idea
how f*cking hard that sh*t was for me?

I'm aware, yes.

She...

She was just saying this thing about how...

you know, we were trying to deal, right?

And we didn't know how, like, me and you
and-and Sug, like, the three of us...

Stop. Who is she?

Me, I'm she. I was...

- Just a few... Before you came out.
- Oh, okay. Continue.

When I came back I didn't know what to do.

Okay? I was so f*cking angry.

And I was so f*cking stuck, and I was
so f*cking scared and I didn't know.

I didn't know.
I didn't know how to deal with it.

I didn't know what to f*cking do.

If I could go back in time, I don't know
if I would have done anything differently.

I don't know.

I don't know, but... [stammers]
...I was just thinking and I was...

I was thinking
for the first time about this thing.

About how it happened and I never
thought of it before, just how sorry I am.

[stammers] How sorry I am because I just...
I didn't realize how...

How what? How...

I didn't realize how
you lost somebody too.

I felt like you resented me.

I did.

Why?

[Carmy] Because you... you were like...

You were like inside my family.

Like, you really, you knew my family.

You got to spend time with him.

And you really, you knew...
you knew him, you know?

[Richie] You knew him.

Yeah, but it's not the same.
I didn't really know him.

I didn't know him like you did.

I couldn't figure out
what the f*ck was wrong with him.

[Carmy] That makes sense.

And, um...

Like, I... You know, I tried
to get him to talk to somebody and I...

I just... I don't...

I thought I'd be... [sighs]

Like, maybe if I could just...
[clears throat] ...stay at The Beef,

I could, like, keep an eye on him
and then I...

I failed.

You didn't fail, Richie.

Felt like that.

Richie, y-you... you didn't.

I thought that that was why you didn't go.

You thought that's why
I didn't go to the funeral?

No.

[Richie mutters] f*cking stop that.
You don't f*cking smoke.

n*gga, who cares right now?

[coughing]

Exactly. Give me that.

I resented you too.

Yeah, I'm sure.

I love... I love your family.

And they love you.

He f*cking loved you.

I know.

I know, and they love you.
You know that, right?

I know, but it's different.
I'm like the cousin, you know?

Yeah, but Richie, you're more than that.

[chuckling]

Oh, my God, you're a f*cking idiot.

[Carmy] I'm working on it.

[Richie] Yeah?

[Carmy] Yeah.

[Richie] How?

I don't know.
I feel like that's why I gotta go.

[clears throat]

I missed you.

- You what?
- Like, um...

All that time that you were gone,
like, I was...

You know, I would just be,
like, thinking about...

you know, like, where you were
and, like, what you're doing.

And just like, I don't know,
like experiences you were having.

This one time that, like, me and Mikey,
we took this road trip.

We had to drop something off
for Jimmy and, um...

We were, like,
cruising down the lake outside of town,

and you know, f*cking good tunes and, um...

Yeah. For like half an hour.. [chuckles]
...we felt like...

I don't know, like, it felt,
like, perfect, you know?

Like that was as good as it gets,
you know? Just like...

Me and my homie just f*cking, you know,

on some trip for work,
just f*cking dialed.

And like I was like, "f*ck, that's...

that's what Carmen's life must be like."

I thought that that was kind of, like...

- [exhales heavily]
- ...you know, like, how you felt.

No.

It wasn't like that.

I was jealous. [chuckles]

I bought a f*cking cookbook. [chuckling]

You bought a cookbook?

Yeah, I don't know. Well, like, I just
wanted to see what the big deal was.

Which cookbook did you buy?

[chuckles]

French Laundry.

- It's f*cking demented.
- [Carmy] Yeah.

[Richie] That's not even a cookbook.
That's like a Wechsler intelligence exam.

f*cking circular stencil? f*ck you.

[Carmy] It's not easy. It's not. It's not.

[Richie] But I was thinking, like,
if this kid's...

He's a f*cking G if he can figure out
this insane bullshit, you know?

You don't think it's wrong for you to,
like, walk away from all that?

I-I don't know what I'm like, Richie.

What do you mean?

Like, outside of the kitchen,
I don't know what I'm like.

But the restaurant, it's gonna be...

It's gonna be good.
It's gonna be fine. You know?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I know.

How do you know that?

[Richie] How do I know?
I mean, we still got you, right?

Please tell me you're not quitting too.

Depends.

[Carmy] On what?

- [Sydney] Uh, updated partnership terms.
- [Carmy] Okay, anything. What is it?

- One side, Jimmy and the...
- [Carmy] Yeah, that's...

And the other side... [clears throat]

...me, Nat and Richie.

[Carmy] Okay, if that's...
that's what you want.

It's what I need.

Okay.

Yeah.

You got it.

You in?

I don't...

I don't wanna be the ambassador
of St. Paddy's Day.

- The f*ck is that supposed to mean?
- Genuinely, what the f*ck does that mean?

I appreciate the gesture, but, like...

This is my home. I'm not going anywhere.

Who the f*ck has time for gestures?

[clears throat] This is real?

Carmy?

Yeah, yeah, it's real. It's real.

f*ck yes, Chef Sydney.
It is a f*cking honor.

[clears throat] As my... [chuckles]
...my official capacity as a partner,

I do have one question though.

Uh...

[scoffs] Exactly how the f*ck
do we keep this place open?

- [Sydney chortles]
- [chuckles]

Oh, f*ck me,
I have the same exact question.

- [Richie chuckles]
- We're gonna figure it out.

[chuckles]

We are.

[sniffs]

[door opens]

What the hell are you guys doing?

What happened?

Sugar, did you talk to Pete?

- About what?
- The agreement.

No. Client-attorney privilege.
[stammers] What's going on?

Guys. Wh...

[Sydney] Um... [sniffles] He's leaving.

He's leaving the restaurant.
All restaurants, I think.

[Richie] He went to Mikey's funeral.

Carm?

[crying]

[sniffles, whimpers]

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