04x04 - Blink 182 vs. 98 Degrees

[bunniefuu]

Tonight, a Celebrity Deathmatch special

event. They have the number one grudge on

the Top 40 chart of Vendetta Soul Mind

blowingly huge. You won't believe your

ears. Turn on your surround sound for the

best. Harmony coming to

you live and loud on tonight's

Celebrity Death Match.

Welcome fight fans. I'm Johnny Gomez and

I'm Nick Diamond, and we've got two

groups of overpaid pretty boys with a

beef that's been festering for months.

There's certainly a lot to chew on

tonight. Well, let's get to it 98°

one of pop's most potent players, drew,

Justin, Nick and Jeffrey to millions of

Americans schoolgirls. Their names are as

familiar as Washington, Jefferson,

Lincoln and that other president. They're

four part harmony and matching overalls

have earned them the title of. America's

third favorite boy band, but no amount

of screaming fans can make up for

the humiliation they've suffered at their

opponents hands. Blink 182 With their

love of fart jokes, foul language and

public nudity. Blink 182's Travis, Tom

and Mark are the anti boy band

Blink made their naked. Their power by

taking off their clothes in there What's

my age again video. Then they

consolidated their hold on the charts by

taking out 98° with their devastating

parity in the All the Small Things video.

These two groups have sparred on TRL.

They fought each other on their way up

the charts. Now they're here on our main

event. Let's go down to Debbie.

Technopolis, who's with Blink 182?

Thanks, Johnny. I'm Oh my God, Tom,

if you're gonna do that in here,

at least use the sink.

Maybe I should check on the more

wholesome group.

Go away. But it's Debbie Matenopoulos

from the show. We won't be treated like

second stringers. We're not freaking O

town, man. Come on. I just have a couple

of questions. No Backstreet Boys and In

Sync are cool weapons and stuff when they

came on your show. We want cool stuff

too. Looks like this little boy. And

isn't going to come out of their room

until they get what they want. Back to

you, Johnny, Jay, Nick, we better find

these guys some cool weapons and fast.

Hey, maybe Stone Cold has something in

the basement.

OK, let's see here. Hey, what

about this? No.

No,

no.

Somehow none of this stuff seems quite

right. Hang on.

What's under these tarps? Ohh they're

just a couple of cyber nuke bots.

The thing is, these are prototypes, which

means I haven't had a chance to test

them. Or liable to be more deadly in the

belly full of Tijuana chili. Hey, I'm

serious, there's no telling what these

cyber nuke bots will do. Hell, some poor

son of a bich could get k*lled.

Ladies and gentlemen, in the blue half

of the ring, hailing from the heartland

of Ohio, the polite poets of Pop,

the Four Horsemen of the Acapella

Apocalypse 98°, and in the other half

of the ring, from subversive Southern

California, the Clown Princess of.

The enema of the state. Blink 180

two 98°. Are you ready to fight?

Yes, Sir. 98° are go blank when

you 2. Are you ready? No. We

got a problem up here. This chair

is sticking to my ****.

OK, I want a good, clean,

enormous fight. Now let's.

There ain't No Fear. You knocked my block

off and this monumental struggle is

underway. Like a

girl robot. Darn it you guys.

Ohh, sounds like 98°. Can't take

the heat. Let's stop making fun

of us.

They're locked up in a clinch. The action

has come to a screeching halt. The fans

don't like the sound of that. You know,

that sound reminds me of the time I got

my ***** caught in the garbage disposal.

Ohh, I wonder what this does.

What the hell is happening? Looks like 98

needs a 411 on how to work that thing

they busted right out of the ring.

I don't believe it, sorry. We thought

this fight would be huge, but who knew

it would be too huge for our arena

to hold? This is incredibly unexpected,

ladies and gentlemen, but rest assured,

it's not going to stop our show. That's

right, you have our word that you will

not miss one second of this.

Unprecedented cyber new bot

deathmatch action.

Right after these messages. What 2

celebrities think of celebrity death

match? My favorite part about the show is

the violence. I love the I mean it's

clay so they can get away with anything

but the entrails and gore is pretty much

what I like about the show. First saw

celebrity death match. In a hotel room in

Europe and I didn't know it was MTV show

and it kind of freaked me out because it

was so violent. I was like, I think the

first one I saw was maybe Pamela Anderson

and Lou Paul, and it ended with them

butchering each other. Make a wish.

It's just like, granted their puppets,

but you know, it wasn't like it was

gruesome. I hate celebrity death match

Lookout, Janine.

This situation has gotten

really hairy, folks. Oh,

oh.

Welcome back to Celebrity Death Match.

I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin. If you're

just joining us and I ain't got no

freaking sympathy for your sorry *****

you missed the start of a hell of a

smackdown between 98°. Blink 182. No

sooner did the two Cyber Nuke bots start

throwing fists than the Sons of Pitches

took it outside and took a good chunk of

the arena with them. Let's go live to the

street where Nick and Johnny are on top

of the action. Thank you, Stone Cold.

We're outside the deathmatch arena where,

as you can see, the chaos continues.

Escalate. In fact, even the star-studded

audience has vacated their seats to

witness the carnage. Debbie Metropolis

has that story.

Please k*ll their butts. Thanks, Johnny.

I'm here on the street with one

of pop music's brightest stars. Tell me,

Brittany, why are you pulling for 98°?

Brittany, I'm Jessica Simpson, you big

dummy. You know I'm a pop star,

too. IJ Nick from 98°. I'm here

to show my support. Of course.

So, Jennifer, let me ask you the question

that's on every pop fan's mind tonight.

Our Britney and Justin ever getting

married. It's Jessica.

These cyber nuke bots are tearing the

city apart. Ohh there goes an Impala.

How much punishment can these two

mechanized monsters dish out? Look here

please. Once we k*ll you people will

think we're cool again.

What do you mean again?

Incredible. We've seen our share of

devastation on deathmatch, but this, this

is Emmy winning stuff. Stone

cold if you're watching. Tell us what

else we can expect from these cyber new

bots they'll nick. Like I said before,

who knows. Those bots have atomic cores

which if discharge, can feel enough hyper

violent fury to wreck the whole frigging

tri-county area. Deathmatch, been

watching your show here. President Bush.

I I guess you're calling because we got a

couple of giant nuke bots trash in the

city. I will let you know. I'm sorry

about that. And we hope to have it

contained real soon. Contained. Hell,

boy, don't contain it. Bring it on. Sir.

You heard me. It's funny. I love it. Hey,

look, while I got you on the phone here.

How about you do this one? d*ck Cheney

versus LON Chaney? No, no, no, wait,

wait, wait. 2-3 versus Mrs. Garrett.

Yeah, just think about it. Alright? I'll

see you in Texas.

Ohh, look down. OK, blink. That's

enough. You're not gonna mock us

anymore. Now stand back and observe

our devastating dance steps.

You guys are such unbelievable. What?

Ohh look at me. I'm 98°

and I stink. Ohh Lookout, 98°

is hotter than the color. This

is humiliating. We've got to end

this now.

Unbelievable. Navigate. The Grease is

looking to put Blink away but

wait. Ohh hey come on, stop

goofing around. Incredible. It's some

kind of smokescreen. Where did it

go?Blinkbox doing

now. Lookout. People sucking

on this beeps. How

are they doing?

Oh my God, Blink 182

is attacking with humans spitballs.

OK, listen up guys. We've got to stop

this before we run out of fan.



fight may be over. What the hell?

Why are they stopping? Remarkable seconds

away from the k*ll, 98° has been

distracted by adorable Kitty cat. We can

k*ll those jerks. Why are we stopping?

Because dude, one of our fans needs us.

See your little girl, Don't cry.

Oh my God this is so

cool. The Backstreet Boys just saved

my cat. Actually, we're 98°. I

see London, I see France, I

see the exposed posterior wiring of

a cyber nuke bot. Astonishing. Blink



fight has turned into an oversized

robotic schoolyard brawl. It's gonna take

more than a boy Band-Aid to

repair that kind of emotional damage.

Made fools of us through the

last time period to feel the

scorching power of 98°.

Ohh, that heat blast doesn't seem

to have done any damage. Well,

Johnny, 98° really isn't that hot.

Come on, you got anything else?

How about this? Ohh, yeah. Mines

bigger. They're bringing out the big

g*ns. Unit.

It's all out

for livable.

Well, looks like Blink 182 is

breaking up.

Awesome Cyber nuke both action and blink

is on the blink. This looks like

the end. Ohh funny

now huh? What's the matter? Can't

think of anymore put downs and

the guys. Unbelievable. 98° has turned

this fight around 180°. Now they're

doing the bullying warning. Internal core

rupture. Those kicks are screwing up

our reactor. Radioactive discharge.

Imminent. It's your

malfunction. What's that funny guy? You

want to apologize? Come on, out

with it.

Blink expels its built up nuclear waste.

A devastating turn of events for 98°.

What's happening at Sam's? Gotta screw

those, Johnny. It's that nuclear waste.

The radioactivity must be interfering

with the bus control. Come on,

go. There's panic in the streets.

I've never seen such horrible, frenzied

chaos. Yeah, I know. Pretty awesome,

huh?What do celebrities

think of Celebrity Deathmatch? I loved

it, dude. I loved it. I thought it was.

I couldn't believe it. I was like, OK,

this is the most whack thing I've ever

seen in my whole life. I couldn't believe

it. We were all sitting around laughing.

My eyes. Here's a classic Tommy

Lee Celebrity Deathmatch move. Are you

ready? All right, there we go.

Blam, blam blam.

Ohh, that's too funny.

Death match. Ohh. Mr. President? Hang on,

Mr. Cole, I've got my chief advisor

on the other line. Yeah, all right.

Well, So what? I'll come on. It's

funny. Alright, alright, OK, I'll tell

him. Mr. Cole, my mom says you have



bot or I'll have to give it to

death penalty myself with a nuclear

m*ssile. Ohh. Hey, have you guys done Dan

Quayle versus Woody Woodpecker at Gee

whiz, that'd be a good one.

Welcome back. We're outside the arena,

sweeping up the aftermath of our

hurricane of violence. As you can see

behind me, we've been engaging in a

little urban renewal, death match style.

In a battle of blood, sweat, and

gears, 98° won its fight against Blink



sprayed in the face with radioactive

robot chunks.

Run 98° is on a

rampage.

No, no, no, you don't understand. Ohh,

we're the Backstreet Boys.

You've got to help me. My boyfriend's

trapped in that thing. Jessica Simpson,

the gospel singing teen sensation who's

vowed to remain a virgin until marriage.

Wow, you know who I am. You

got to do something to stop that

robot. 10 minutes before President

Bush is going to take it out with a

subatomic m*ssile. 5 minutes. What's the

plan? Stone cold. This year's an

enlarging ray. Aim it at me and I'll grow

another 30 feet and I'll take that metal

monster down. And enlarging ray, How does

it work? Well, in layman's terms, the

Zenon rays emitted by the cathode tube

actually inflamed the lymph channels in

my dermal connective tissue. Chicken, my

pituitary gland and OverDrive. And you

don't have to explain it to me. Let's do

it. What the hell are

you doing?

Nick, you idiot, you had it backwards.

Sorry, Stone cold. Now I'll do you. The

ray needs another 4 minutes to recharge.

There's just no time. Jessica, you got to

take down that bot. The world is counting

on you. Can't. Come on

kid, this is your big chance. Could Mandy

Moore smack down a 40 foot out of

control cyber nuke button? I don't know.

Could Christina Aguilera save a city from

nuclear annihilation? I guess not.

Pull off that outfit. No. And I

knew one day I'd be bigger than

that bimbo. I'll do it.

Stone cold. What do you think? Ohh, we're

all dead. Those people don't realize

Jessica's trying to save them. They're

frozen in terror. I think they're just

tired to look up her skirt. Johnny. Hey,

put me down.

It all comes down to this. OK, Listen up.

My God, it smells. I want a good, clean

fight. I'll be my command at all time.

Let's get it on. I'm sorry, sugar. I love

you, but I'm going to have to take you

out. I love you too, Jess. But now it's

not a good time for a date.

Ouch. And Jessica Simpson starts things

off 40 feet of Pope Francis sure packs a

wallop. This town might have a chance

after all. But sweetie, I was planning to

spend the rest of my life with you. You

will, because it's only going to last

another minute. Honey,

please, I wouldn't try to k*ll you. Ohh

sugar **** I'm sorry but this threat of

nuclear attack is the big break I've been

praying for.

I can't believe I'm going to be k*lled by

a girl I never even had sex with. But you

said you respecting my virginity. Ohhh

yeah I was trying to get in your pick

pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick

pick pick.

Oh my God.

Jessica's pisssed now and she's going for

the manholes. She's supposed to save this

city, not tear it apart.

The hell is Jessica Simpson doing? I

don't know, but that girl sure can

blow.

Yes, ohh, perfectly ex*cuted manhole

m*ssacre. This fight may be

over. Yes, I'm big time

now. I'm really going to

have to rethink this relationship.

Jessica, you did it. You

saved. And that brings us to the

end of another logic defying night of

amazement for all of us at death match.

This is Johnny Gomez saying death match.

Ohhh, Cold Stone. Just wanted to let you

know, I went ahead and launched that

nuclear m*ssile. And is there like, any

way I can get, you know, a T-shirt or

some stickers or something?Well, Mr.

President, the mechanical ******* is

destroyed, he said. We had five minutes.

My God, man, do you realize what

this means? My watch must be fast.

Well, if it all has to end, it

couldn't be on a better night. This one

truly had it all, and there's nobody I'd

rather spend my last minutes on Earth

with. On second thought, where's Debbie?

OK, that's it now missiles going

to ruin my big moment.

Did we win? Bro? We're alive, ain't we?

Ohh yeah, we won.

She did it. Jessica Simpson has saved us

all. I think we owe it to her

to go buy all of her albums.

This is Johnny Gomez saying good

fight, good night.

Why are you so stupid?

I need to feel you.

Feel me?

Well, you.

I can't get you.

Why are you so stupid?