01x08 - Son of the Goblin Queen

[bunniefuu]

[opening theme song playing]

♪ Adventure Time
Come on, grab your friends ♪

♪ We'll go
To very distant lands ♪

♪ With Jake the Dog
And Finn the Human ♪

♪ The fun will never end ♪

♪ Adventure Time ♪

[whispering] Side quests.

- [Ice King laughing]
- Huh?

- [quacks]
- Gunter, I have a girlfriend.

[quacks]

[cries out] Her name
is Queen Infernorosa,

and she's a firecracker,
let me tell ya.

[laughs] Ooh, yeah, Gunter.

I was wrong
kidnapping princesses

all these years.
I'm a queen guy.

[laughing gleefully]

Mm. Gunter, be happy for me.

- [doorbell ringing]
- Ooh!

She's here!

Okay, Gunter. Shut up. Shut up.

Yo, babe.
You come by for a little, uh...

Oh, you've got a...

Uh, no, no, I'm totally
cool with that.

That's awesome. Absolutely.

Yeah. You do you.

Oh. You mean like, right now?

Yeah. Okay.
Bye-bye. Have a good time.

- [exclaims]
- Ow!

[quacks]

[chomping]

Yeah, I guess Infernorosa
is swamped with queen stuff.

So we're gonna watch
her little, uh...

Chardaniel the Goblin Prince.

[Gunter quacking in pain]

No, no, no.
We don't do that to Gunter.

[chuckles] Sorry, Gunter.

Kids, huh? [chuckles]

- [quacking angrily]
- Oh, you're fine.

- [loud drumming]
- Chardaniel!

Okay.

You like whacking
the skins too, huh?

[crashes]

Ah! My kick drum! My high hat!

[object clatters]

Chardaniel? [chuckles]
Okay, Chardaniel.

Those aren't toys.

- So, maybe let's just--
- [crashes]

- My beef lab!
- [glass shatters]

Chardaniel? [gasps]
Ice Pappy's room is off-limits.

[laughs]

Oh. You like that, huh?

Interesting story,
actually. [chuckles]

My Ice Pappy got that signed

by the greatest
ice ball wizard who ever lived.

Well, he never officially
gave it to me,

but he passed,
and it was laying right there.

- Bye-bye.
- [mumbles] Wha...

[screams] No!

[chokes] Oh, yeah,
I can-- [grunts]

Ahh!

Okay, Chardaniel!

- [quacking in pain]
- That is enough!

You are a small prince!

Stop that! Drop it! Drop it!

And I am a big king!
A big Ice King!

Now, you will stop wrecking
my mellow chill pad--

[quacking]

And Gunter.

And behave yourself
until your mom gets back.

[Gunter quacks]

Chardaniel! Put that down...
Oh, my guts! [groaning]

[Jake] I'm not saying
you look bad in jeans,

I've just never seen you
in them, you know?

That doesn't mean
you can't be supportive.

- [phone ringing]
- The Hotline!

The Hotline!

[clears throat] The Hotline.

Spinn feaking.

I mean, go for Jinn and Fake.

[grunts] Finn,
you always do this.

- Get it together.
- There, there, buddy.

Finn and Jake,
how can we assist you?

Uh-huh. Really?

Oh, okay. All right, well,
we'll be right there.

Hey, Finn. Ice King's
getting all messed up

- or something.
- Oh, no!

It's probably Ice King
doing bad stuff.

Let's go punch him in the guts.

[laughs] Okay.

[Finn laughs] Oh.
Wait, wait, wait.

Go in butt first.

[Jake] Oh-h*! [laughs]

Yah-boom!

Ice King, let's do this.

Help! Help! Help! Help!

[both gasp]

Hee-yah!

Help! Help! Help! Help!

Huh? Oh, hey, Jake.

- [grunts]
- Ice King, what are you up to?

Why are you a victim?

I'm not up to anything! Ouch!

I'm just babysitting,
my girlfriend,

- The Goblin Queen's little...
- Huh?

[laughs] Ah!

- That little kid?
- [shuddering] Oh. Oh.

Hey, stop cowering!

I can't help it, okay?

This kid, don't get me wrong,
he's great.

I love his mom,
but he's a wrecking machine.

Come on, man. You're getting
cower juice all over me.

- [crashes]
- Aah!

Aah! My guest full-bath!

Aah! My guest half-bath!

Aah! My immaculate ice walls!

- [both laughing]
- He drew Ice King

- with two butts.
- One king, two butts.

[groans] Help me!

No way!

You're Ice King. I love
what this kid's doing to you.

Hold up, Finn. Hold up.

He did call the Hotline,
and he is in distress.

We're kind of
honor-bound to provide

"Service to
'reasonable satisfaction.'"

- Are you reasonably satisfied?
- No!

Ugh. Fine.

Let's just slay this goblin
and go home.

No! I don't need you
to slay him.

I need you to babysit him.

Ice King!
We're heroes, not babysitters.

Please? Just for, like,
an hour?

Twenty-four hours?

My queen's very busy
with queen stuff, okay?

She's going to dinner
and a movie

with her friend Mark.

And after, they're gonna
watch TV and chill,

and see where the night goes.

My man, she's using you.

You're a sugar donkey, my man.

Yeah. I know.

No, Ice King. It means
she's pretending to love you

so you'll do stuff for her.

Silence! Quiet! [shushes]

[tsks, groans]

Our love is deeper
than the deepest, uh, hole!

I'm just gonna maybe call
and see if she can ballpark

when she might be back though.

Not 'cause I'm doubting
the dynamics

of our relationship!

I'm just curious
about logistics!

Definitely has a lot of energy.

[Ice King] Hey, babe.
[chuckles]

Just checking in,
seeing how your day's going.

How's Mark?

Oh, I'm a mama at heart.

I'll just swaddle this kid
in my soft dog belly

till he zonks.

Ooh, nice. Slay him with naps.

[chuckles] Yeah. But no sling.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I know.

[Ice King] Okay. Okay.
Love you. Bye-bye.

So, good news,
we're watching Chardaniel

for the whole weekend.

[shouts] What?
The whole weekend?

- He's a biter.
- He bites.

Yeah. Kids.

- No!
- No, we said!

Goopy eggs to that!

- We're out of here?
- Yeah, we're out of here.

You're on your own, Ice King.

[Finn exclaims]

[alarm blaring]

Uh-oh. Looks like
Chardaniel initiated

a full castle lockdown!

Okay.

How do you turn it off?

It can only be undone
by marriage.

Ice King! Why does your house
even do this?

For princesses.

Bad! Yeah. It's bad behavior.

Phew. He is who he's been.
You can't change people.

Jake, Booty bust us
out of here, would ya?

- Jake?
- [Jake screams]

- He's got me! [grunts]
- What happened?

Clove hitch, dude.

- Can you get out of it?
- I don't think so.

This knot's like my Achilles
dog's heel or something.

- Ugh. Sucking up all my energy.
- This kid is trouble.

[gasps] No.

Arrows to the bod
is Ice King's thing.

- Finn, you want me to...
- Better not.

Feels like stuff's
gonna fall out.

Bye-bye.

Hey, what are you guys doing
on the floor? Whoa.

[all screaming]

[all scream]

- Whoa!
- Thick ice! Thick ice!

Oh! Ice Pappy!

Uh, that's right, baby boy.
trim the fat!

[laughing]

All my possessions.
[chuckles nervously]

Man, you must care an awful lot
about this Infernosa

to let her kid destroy
your entire house.

- Infernorosa.
- Sure.

So, like, does she know
your favorite color?

Color? Who cares?

Does she know
about your secret love

of all things ninja?

No! 'Cause it's a secret!

You got me there.

Okay. Okay.

Does she know
your favorite movie?

We... Well...

Has she even invited you over
to watch one? Huh? Loverboy!

No. But that's just
a scheduling issue!

- But has she invited...
- [both] Mark?

He's just a friend!

- You're just a friend.
- Nah, he's a rube.

[clicking]

Oh, no.

[buzzing]

[thuds]

- [screams]
- Face it, Ice King.

Your relationship is fake.

At least I have
a real fake girlfriend.

[sobbing]

Just break up with her.

Break up?

But I've never broken up
with anyone before!

It's easy, Ice King.

Just remember
your feelings are important.

My feelings are important.

Yeah! Even a little jerk
like you deserves better

than getting
your house destroyed

by a relentless demon child.

Weesh.

You know what?
You're hot-stinkin' right!

[both] Oh, dude.

Infernorosa?

No, yeah... No.

Babe, listen. We're done.

You did it.

I did it! [laughs]

- [groans]
- Ice King?

[laughs] Foolish child.

Your mother comes

- and she comes soon. Huh?
- [whooshes]

Speak of the ex. [laughs]

Oh, slush.
I forgot how hot she is.

Stay strong, man.

Remember, she was just
tricking you for perks, man.

You heard him, lady. Now back!

You're hurt, little boy.

[exclaims] Oh.

And you, golden dog.

[both] Whoa!

And you, my Ice King...

[both] "My Ice King"?

Why?

You never loved me!

You just child-abandoned
Chardaniel on me

so you could watch movies
with Mark.

Right, boys?

Uh, we're not
really part of this.

What?

I'm self-conscious
about my movie tastes.

I wanted Mark to help me
pick something. For you.

For us.

- "Us"?
- What?

I'm sorry
I made you feel this way.

I wish you the best.

Goodbye, my Ice King.

No, baby! Wait!

Break Mama's heart,

I break you.

- [unicorn bleats]
- Infernorosa!

Uh...

Sorry, Ice King.

Yeah, sorry, guy.

I think he just needs
some time.

So, you still want
those jeans, or...

[Finn] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

We said we're sorry!

[closing theme song playing]

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ And the butterflies
And bees ♪

♪ We can wander
Through the forest ♪

♪ And do so as we please ♪