11x01 - Locked In The Closet

[bunniefuu]

We were just eating spaghetti at

the dinner table,

and I was slurping
my spaghetti, and she was not

having it, but she was
slurping her spaghetti.

I thought it was funny.
I was a kid.

And all I remember is just
eating my spaghetti,

and then just feeling, like,

a super intense, piercing pain,
and looking over,

and I had a fork in my arm.

I don't ever remember going to
the hospital or anything.

I just remember sitting there
and, like, getting stabbed in

the arm and looking over,

and they're just, like...
My arm literally bleeding with

a fork in it.

I have a tattoo that covers
the scar from my mom, it says,

"I forgive you."

And then it's, uh,
Mary Bernice Rowles underneath.

It's my mom's initials.

Mary Rowles sobbed in court.

Alice Jenkins showed little
emotion as they heard the long

list of charges they were
about to admit to.

I have had
cold-blooded murderers

stand in front of me,
rapists, child abusers,

burglars, drug traffickers.

I would have to say that
the two of you are perhaps

the coldest, most unfeeling,

least empathetic criminals
I have ever seen.

You don't really know, like,
what's going on inside

people's homes.

You just don't know.

There's, like, demons
inside some homes

and, like, you just don't know.

It's scary, man.

Like your neighbor,
the person across

the street or someone like
your family,

it could be your family member,

you wouldn't even know
it's happening.

My mother's name
is Mary Rowles.

From age 15 to 21,

she had six children.

The furthest back I can
remember is...



I was living with my mom
and my brother Tyler,

my sister Marissa,

my brother Darrell and Danny,
and Caleb had just been born.

She was, like,
a really good mom.

There's early photos of us,
like, going

to Chuck E. Cheese
and stuff like that,

and, like, just being kids.

Before Alice,
my mom treated us pretty good.

My mom met Alice at a g*y
nightclub in Akron, Ohio.

And then the next thing I know,
we're living in a new house

with just Alice.

My three older
siblings, Darrell,

Danny, and Marissa, moved in
with their fathers, and I was

left with Alice, Mary,
my older brother,

Tyler, and my younger
brother, Caleb.

And for a while,
everything seemed okay.

But Alice saw herself as
the boyfriend,

the man of the house.

This is the house
that we lived in last,

I was 14 when I saw
the house last.

Just get, like, a little nervous
when I see this.

It seemed for... like for years
we were never gonna make

it out of that house and away
from Alice and Mary.

It's just like...
I don't know.

Um, just makes me nervous,
because it...

It just make... like, this house
makes me think about just,

like, dark times.

Nobody knew what was going on.

At first, Alice treated us
pretty good,

like, pretty kind,
but over time,

she kind of got, like, jealous
of the attention that Mary was

giving us.

Alice began to separate us
from our mother

and tie us to the bed
when she went to work.

Get on the bed and lie down.

Tyler and I were
both put in the same room

in the beginning,

two twin beds side by side,
essentially, and she would tie

us by our wrists
and our ankles to

the bedposts so we would
essentially be strung, like,

laid out so we couldn't
roll over or move around.

Alice was never aggressive
with it.

She was just very quiet
and very stern

and just wanted to handle
business and be done with it.

And Mary was taking care of
Caleb most of

the day, because he was still
a baby at the time.

So I didn't see much of Mary.

Stay here and be quiet
until I get back.

So we would just be, like,
in a room tied to beds,

Tyler and I, side by side.

I didn't really understand,
like, what was going on.

It scares me more now,
like, as an adult

than it... than it did
when I was a kid.

I didn't really understand it
then... I was

just so young, and, like,
just seemed normal.

After a while, we figured out
how to untie ourselves,

and then we'd come downstairs

to, like, hang out with our mom
and hang out with Caleb.

Alice would get very
frustrated when she'd come home

and see that we were
downstairs with Mary,

and we had escaped,

but it definitely appeared as
though it was kind of a game.

Because, like, we didn't get
punished for escaping.

We would just go to bed
and repeat the process.

It seemed like that was
the game of it all was to be

tied up and then to escape

and then to be tied up
and to escape.

It just seemed like she wanted
the separation between

Mary, Tyler, and I, trying
to, like, break that bond.

Alice sort of became
the divide between Mary

and her children.

When we would escape during
the day, she would come home,

and we would be doing
the same thing,

just on the couch,
hanging out with Mary,

trying to spend time with
our mother.

And one day, she just separated
us into separate rooms...

and tied the opposite opening
doors together so that

we couldn't get out
or open either door.

She was very quiet and
reserved and almost seemed like

it was just a task

that she had to do, almost as
if we were just animals to take

care of.

The doors being tied together

felt less of a game

and more like a punishment
or like imprisonment.

There's, like, nothing really
to do in the room.

You're kind of just sitting
around from like eight a.m.

to four p.m.,

when Alice would come home to
give us dinner.

There's just no word
to describe the emptiness

of just, like... just feeling
like you're all alone,

like, trapped in a space for
an extended period of time,

and there's no way to track
time, and you're just there

by yourself.

There's no one there to talk to.

You're kind of just, like,
left in your own head,

left to your own thoughts.

Tyler and I liked banging on
the walls and making music.

That became a way that we
would, like, talk to each other,

as well, just like
tapping on the wall.

Even after dinner, we were
still taken to our rooms

and the doors were tied together

so that we were just
left alone in our separate

rooms at night.

Mary never said anything
to us once

we started being separated
into separate rooms.

Sometimes she wouldn't even,
like, be there when

we were at the table to
eat dinner.

It would just be us.

We'd eat real quick
and then go back upstairs.

I do think it was to keep

all of Mary's attention
focused on Alice.

Alice's behavior slowly got
worse, and she started

withholding food from us,

essentially starving us.

Up until this point,
Alice would let

Tyler and I out of the room.

Most of the time, we would just
have Captain Crunch

or something for breakfast,
just a little cereal.

And then for dinner,
the majority of what

we had was mac and cheese
and hot dogs.

But I just remember one day,
her coming up and opening

the door, and I'm sitting there,

and she just has a paper
plate with a half

a peanut butter sandwich on it.

That was our dinner.

Like, half a peanut
butter sandwich

didn't seem enough for a dinner

or to last you through
the whole day.

You eat your sandwich, and when

you're finished,
you go right to bed.

I just thought it was
just, like, a snack or something

until it started to become
routine, where she wouldn't let

us out.

It went from having
dinner downstairs

and breakfast downstairs,

to, like, just eating in
the room all the time.

We weren't allowed out
to use the restroom.

That's when we started using
the corners of the bedroom.

We would pull up
the carpets and use

the restroom and put down
the corner of the carpet

so Alice couldn't find it,

and we did that for months
and months.

It's just crazy.

It's very animalistic.

No one should have to survive
like that.

I was not able to talk to
Tyler during that time.

I assumed he was getting
the same food I was,

but we hadn't seen each other

for 10 to 11 months
at that time.

At that point, it's almost like

the days all connect,
because everything's the same.

We had no other contact
with Alice besides that.

And Mary didn't do anything
in this situation.

Is everything okay?

They're fine.
They're just having dinner.

Mary should have called
the police in this situation

or called CPS or called
a family friend or her parents.

She could have just walked out.

She didn't stand up
for her children, defend us,

protect us
like you're supposed to.

I've asked her why she allowed
it to happen multiple times,

and she says
that she was strung out

on morphine and just
simply wasn't herself.

But it's not supposed
to be like that.

She failed.

She should have just left.

Mary had taken
Darrell and Danny

and Marissa's fathers
to court for custody.

Mary wanted partial custody.

So they'd come over and visit
and hang out

for a couple hours on
the weekend.

There was a honeymoon phase of
about two weeks to a month

where everyone was on

good terms, and we all just
slept in normal beds, and we had

breakfast and dinner downstairs.

Alice was kind of, like, trying
to cover her tracks so they

couldn't say anything when
they would return home

to their biological father.

One day, we're just
woken up, and we're dressed

in very minimal clothes,
like shorts and a T-shirt.

Now I'm just, like, being walked
somewhere with Marissa.

We had never been
outside at that point.

My first day walking to school
was the first time I ever

remember going outside,

and I didn't realize
there was a whole world, like,

outside of the bedroom.

Alice is standing on
the sidewalk in front of

the house,

watching Marissa walk us down
the street

to the elementary school.

I didn't understand
what school was even.

We were all very unequipped to
even be in public at the time.

We couldn't read.
I couldn't tie my shoes.

We weren't potty trained.

They were literally sending
wild animals to school.

But I don't remember any of
the teachers

asking any questions

about my size or my
malnourishment or showing

any concern,

and I don't remember ever
telling anyone at

school either.

We were going to school for
about 2 to 3 weeks,

and we were just taken out
instantly, all of a sudden.

I hope that one of
the teachers reported something

or someone said something,

but I don't know if they...
Any of my teachers knew what was

going on.

Nothing ever came of it.

Nothing was ever done
about our situation.

And once Alice and Mary
pulled us out of school,

things started to get worse
at home.

It was about a week or two
after we'd stopped going

to school, and we had seen kids

out on the sidewalk,
coming home from school.

They're hollering up at us.

Hey! Hi, guys!

And they're, like, trying to get
us to come out and play, like,

"Let's hang out."

And, like, that's all
they were trying to do,

just, like, kids being kids.

We can't come out.

We're not allowed.

We're hollering down to them,
tapping on the window.

But then it ended up, like,
getting us in trouble...

Hey!

Because Alice came home
and was, like, freaking out.

What the hell is going on
in here?

Get away from that window!

"What are you doing? Like,
you're not supposed to be by

the window, and people
shouldn't know you're in here."

If you can't behave yourselves,
you can stay in here.

And then that's when
the closet thing started.

It's a 3-by-5 closet with
a carpet inside.

There was no shelving,
no overhead bar to

hang anything.

Just an empty closet,
no pull string lamp, nothing.

And so she puts us in
the closet and just...

I just remember
that padlock going on

and, like, it being
really dark in there.

The first time that Alice
put us in a closet,

I thought it would be a one-time
or just, like, a short

span punishment, but it just

ended up being continuous
and ongoing.

In the beginning, the closet
door was just getting locked,

and then over time,
a large brown dresser was

acquired, and they would take
that dresser and put it in

front of the closet door so
that if she ever forgot

the lock, which she did
a couple of times,

the dresser's there.

For about three years,

we were spending periods of
time in the closet,

which is complete dark,

like, there's no light except
for the light that comes

underneath the door.

And we would get fed super
sporadically, not let out

for breakfast,
not let out for dinner.

There was no regular schedule...
Alice just came

in whenever she pleased to
feed us.

Alice would come upstairs with
half a peanut butter sandwich

and either let us out,
and we would have to eat it

in front of her on our knees,

or she would open the door and
just give it to us, and we would

eat where we'd been using
the restroom and sleeping.

There would be two of us sharing

this half
a peanut butter sandwich,

so we would eat
as slow as possible,

just, like, essentially, like,
little hamster nibbles,

and then we would vomit it
back up and eat it again.

It's a tough one to think about.

It was a survival tactic.

I actually, like, struggled with
a huge eating disorder when

I became a teenager,

because of, like, my body
could not keep food down,

and I have terrible,
terrible vision from, like,

being locked in the dark.

At one point, we had thought
that we could escape through

the closet,

like digging a hole
out of the house.

We were just using
our fingernails to, like,

dig our way out.

Tyler and I were confined to
the closet for anywhere

from a couple of weeks
to a month at a time,

and we're in complete darkness,

so we don't know what time it

is until Alice opens
the closet door.

I didn't have a concept of day
or night and, like,

I didn't understand
the concept of telling time.

Now that I know how to tell
time, and I know what a year is,

like how...
How fast a year goes by,

and then, like,
one month or two months

in darkness feels like 10 years.

It's hard to keep track of
like who you are

and how old you are,
and time is super foggy.

And so now, I always keep track
of time, and I manage time,

and I try...
I try to do as much as I can

with the time I've got, but...

It's a long time.

It seems like such a long time.

Can I take a break?

This is the closet,
the 3-by-5 that we were in,

um, and Tyler and I would just
share this space.

When I see it fully lit up,

definitely feels like
a different space.

I always remember it as
just, like, a large,

black box,

and you can see that we
tore the paint clean off

the walls in a few spaces,
and we did that with

our fingernails.

There were often times we
would end up sleeping

in our urine, because
we wouldn't be allowed to

use the restroom for days at
a time, and we'd just have to

use the restroom in the closet.

It's insane to think
that we survived

in, like, just a small space,
just him and I for, like,

so long and, like, held out.

It's just crazy to think that
Alice could have

put us into an environment
like this for so long.

All the physical
violence was towards Tyler.

It started with him
getting kicked in

the groin, and then him getting

kicked down the stairs.

Alice just had
a lot of hate for Tyler.

Tyler and I would be in
the closet, and we would be

too loud for Mary and Alice
while they were home,

just by talking.

Anything that disturbed
Alice's time

with Mary earned you a spanking.

You can hear
her steel-toed boots

that she wears
coming up the steps.

It would sound incredibly heavy

and ominous and dangerous
and aggressive.

She's coming.

That became, like, the notorious
sound, just pounding.

The second you hear her
hit that bottom step,

it's like be quiet, don't move,
if she can't hear us in

the closet,
maybe she'll forget we're here.

You know I can hear you all
the way downstairs.

She would essentially call us
out of the closet and force us

to get down on your shins

and knees and look up at her,
because she wants that

power of people below her.

Get out here.

- But I...
- Now!

She would spank or whip him
with the belt.

It became less about,
like, getting fed

and more about just,
like, surviving.

I would have rather died
of starvation

than him gotten beat
a couple of times.

He and I have talked... he just

feels like he was treated like
a sl*ve.

That wasn't fair.

I would do it all over again
just to prevent all of that.

One day, Tyler and I are taken
out of the bedroom and taken

downstairs and sat on the floor

in the family room, and a trash
bag of stuffed animals and toys

and trinkets,
which we'd never seen before,

spewn all over the floor.

Go ahead. Play.

We're not, like,
really playing.

We're just sitting there,
and it's all super strange.

We'd never been given anything,

and two strangers
we've never seen before

came into the house.

I thought maybe it was just,

like, some of Alice
and Mary's friends.

We didn't know at the time
that was CPS.

I believe CPS was prompted to
come to the house

because someone,

either Marissa or Danny or
Darrell, said something to

their fathers.

Danny and Darrell would come
over on the weekend,

so they would come upstairs
and hang out with us.

Alice would let Tyler and I
out of the closet.

So we would be in the room,

and you could smell the feces
in the bedroom.

And I assume over the span of
the years that Danny,

Darrell, and Marissa were saying
something to their parents

or their teachers at school
about our conditions.

But CPS never... never went
upstairs, never looked at

the bedroom,
never looked at the closet.

They didn't ask us
any questions at all.

If they would have just gone
upstairs and turned

the corner into the bedroom,
it would have been over,

but they didn't.

Alice seemed super calm.

Mary really let Alice
do most of the talking.

It's like theater to Alice.

It's all just, like,
a big show to put on.

Thank you so much
for coming to check in.

When they left,
Alice packed up

all the stuffed animals
and the toys

right back into the garbage bags

that they were in, and we
were taken right back upstairs

and put right back into
the closet.

Once Alice had
that first CPS visit,

and they walked out the door,

she knew she was golden.
She could get away with it.

In 2003,
Darrell, Danny, Marissa,

Tyler, myself, and Caleb

were all living in the house.

Mary wanted full custody,

and my three older
siblings moved

into the home with us.

We were always telling Danny
and Darrell that we weren't

getting fed, and then that
would get back to Marissa.

Marissa was essentially
our golden ticket.

Marissa had led us out into
the room a couple times,

and then Marissa
would sometimes be

the one to, like, have to lead
us to the bathroom, because

Alice doesn't want to deal
with it.

She was never inhumane
about anything.

Like, she definitely
looked out for us.

One time,
I remember Marissa letting us

out of the closet,
and she talks about how

Alice and Mary had went out.

We asked her if, like,
can we go downstairs,

can we... can we get some food?

Please?

All right, but we
have to make this quick,

because they could get
home any minute.

Got it?

And we went downstairs to
check out the kitchen to find

the cupboards were packed,

the fridge was packed,
everything completely full.

And in that moment, it
definitely made Alice seem like

more of just
an outright evil by choice

person, when she clearly
had all the resources to

provide,
and she just chose not to.

I was definitely overwhelmed
that even that...

That much food could exist in
one space.

We took anything from cans of
Pringles to Gatorade to

granola bars,
everything that they had,

we took upstairs.

And we had Marissa put us back
into the room.

You can't tell anyone about
this, all right?

Locked us back in the
closet, and we ate as much as we could.

I had never been so full in
my life, and it was delicious.

And when Alice got home,
she was furious,

absolutely furious.

It was probably two or three
days before we got fed again.

Alice lets us out of the closet,

and we're kneeling,
and she's standing above us.

She had a bowl for each of us.

She just puts it down, and like
we all see it, and she

just told us that we had to
eat it for stealing her food.

What's the matter?

I thought you were hungry.

We were forced to eat feces.

Eat it.

And we assumed it was
the family dog,

like from the backyard.

Sometimes, I think about, like,
I didn't have to do it.

Like, they didn't have a g*n to
my head.

But like, I just felt
so trapped in that situation.

Makes me feel
super low as a human.

And it still takes a toll
on me today.

I still think about that
all the time.

That affects you... that affects
you as a human being.

You have to be low to be able
to force

someone to do something like
that, to take away

their humanity.

In 2003,
I was eight years old.

Alice was feeding us
once a week at

that time... I hadn't seen
my mother in months.

So at that point, I kind of
knew we were just on our own.

I just wanted to get out.

I start to try to convince Tyler

and everybody else of
the same thing.

We were mainly trying to
figure out how we were gonna

get out of this situation,
because at that time, Danny

and Darrell had already
talked to their father,

Marissa had talked to
her father, and nothing

had happened,
and that's when we started

planning for essentially
a getaway plan.

So one evening, Marissa comes
into the room while Alice

and Mary sleeping, and she lets

Tyler and I out of the closet,
and Darrell and Danny and Caleb

are all in the room,
and she's like,

"We gotta do it now," and she's
panicked, like frantic panic.

- What are you doing?
- Shh! Stay quiet.

- We're gonna get you out of here.
- What? Right now?

She was like,
"Tonight's the night.

- Tonight's the night."
- It can't wait.

It has to be now.

And that's when
she had mentioned that

we should try to go out
the window.

You got to go with them,
Darrell,

make sure they get out okay.

Then we have to decide,
like,

who's going, because
there's six of us.

We all can't go, because if
Alice comes back in and looks

in the room, the same people
have to be in the room.

We have
to get you guys out first.

Yeah, you guys have to go.

Darrell, Tyler, and I decided to
leave, and Caleb, Danny,

and Marissa stay behind.

We'll be fine... now hurry.

Marissa tried to cover

our tracks.

She had put the dresser back
in front of

the closet just in case Alice
would wake up and come in.

Darrell wants me to get on his
back, and then he's gonna climb

down the gutter,
so I get on his back,

and he climb... he shimmies
over the edge of the roof,

and he slides down the gutter,
and when we land on the floor,

the gutter breaks and makes
the loudest bang.

We're waiting for Mary and
Alice's bedroom light to just

turn on, like we all froze,

and we waited
for a couple of minutes.

Bedroom light never came on.

Tyler jumps down from the roof,

and then we start walking up
the street.

There was a bit of adrenaline,
and then you realize, like,

you just escaped and, like,
you start like looking around,

and like the sky
goes all the way up,

and there's trees everywhere,
and it

was very overwhelming.

It's crazy.
It was beautiful, though.

Myself and my siblings,
trekking to freedom,

it was, like... it's more
beautiful now than it was then.

Three near naked boys,

walking in the streets
at 3 a.m.,

malnourished and unclothed
and unbathed,

no shoes, no socks, almost
looked like we were homeless.

We had no plan.

It was just, like, just get out

and walk and, like, hopefully,
someone would do something.

We walked around the corner
and got some

water from a hose
from some lady's house,

and there was a house light
that was on.

And there was a lady just

standing in the curtain, like,
watching us,

and she's holding the curtain
with one hand,

and she's got the phone in
the other hand.

No more than 30 seconds later,
we get

a cop car that comes zipping
right at us,

And they pull us over and
ask us why we're walking around

the streets of Akron,
and we didn't want to say

anything at first out of fear
that we would just end up right

back at Alice's, and they would
side with her.

We were all sitting in
the back seat, and that's when

they had offered to buy us food

if we would have
a conversation with them,

and they have taken us to get
sandwiches and large

sports Gatorades...

A foot-long sub with meat and
veggies and cheese and things

I never even had before.

I had no clue what
the sandwich was.

Still don't to this day,
because I'd never had

it before.

And the second we started
eating in the back of their car

and they noticed, like,
how animalistic

we were eating the sandwiches,

and they realized something
was wrong.

And that's when we kind of
started to tell them that

we're being locked in a closet

and starved and abused,
and this is going on.

What do you mean you live in
the closet?

We're not allowed to come out
unless Alice says we can.

They're not responding.

They're just, like, sitting
there, just, like, staring at us

with, like, blank faces,
just taking everything in.

I was very terrified that they
would not believe us.

They make a radio call, and
we're just, like, sitting there

in silence, essentially,

and they get off the radio call,

and we just start driving.

They literally tell us
we're gonna

- take you back home.
- No, please!

So we're screaming,
and we were freaking out.

We're like, "Why are you taking
this back?"

You're supposed to help!

We're trying, like, to get as
low and scrunched in as

possible so that if
they open the back doors,

they're gonna have to, like,
literally pull us out of

the car,
because, like, there's no way

we're going back to the closet.

All right,
we're taking you back.

It was very nerve-wracking.

I definitely thought they were
going to just side with Alice,

just like everybody else had.

You can't take us back there!

And then they're just like,
"Relax, relax.

We're not taking you
out of the car."

And then they stayed in
the car with us,

and a bunch of other police
showed up.

They kicked the door in,
rushed inside.

And then the next thing I
know, out walks

Alice and Mary in
handcuffs, side by side.

And that was the last time
I saw my mom.

I still think about
it sometimes.

It's definitely a moment that,
like, plays in my head,

and, like, it's nice, like,

I don't know,
that was, like, the moment, um,

that, like, we were all able to
get some peace,

and they were gonna
pay for what they did.

These are me.

Um, these are two photos
I keep on my phone.

It was like... I kind of just
look at to, like,

remind me...

remind me where I came from.

Um, these two pictures show
the abuse and neglect

and malnourishment that
we faced under Alice

and Mary's wrath.

I was eight years old,
and I weighed



I don't have any chest,
and my sternum's caved in

a little bit.

I've got huge bags
under my eyes,

like I haven't slept in weeks.

I remember, like, being this
size, like, for

a long time, and just, like,
felt like years.

I felt like a really old soul
in that body.

I'm just proud of myself, too.

Like I know, he's proud of me,
and I'm proud of him.

This is my favorite photo.

I take a lot of pride in
this photo.

This photo was taken,
um, about a year after.

This was, like,
the epitome of being,

like, a kid, and I would just
like ride in circles in

the driveway all day long.

These were good years in my
life where, like, nothing bad

happened, where I was able to
just, like, soak up time

and, like, be a kid and do what
I wanted, and I didn't have to

worry about anything, and people
were taking care of me.

Someone who wasn't my mother
was willing to give me that,

like, time and attention
and effort to, like, have

a childhood.

Mary Rowles sobbed in court.

Alice Jenkins showed little
emotion as they heard the long

list of charges they were
about to admit to...

Kidnapping, felonious as*ault,

endangering children,
and then...

- Miss Jenkins, what is your plea?
- Guilty.

Alice and Mary both pled
guilty and were sentenced to



I think that both Mary and Alice

pled guilty just to limit the
time they'd spend behind bars.

Judge Patricia Cosgrove
held Mary Rowles

just as responsible,

even if she may not
have initiated the abuse.

At any point in time,

if you acted as a mother in
this case,

you could have prevented
the harm to your children.

You chose not to.

Now,

I'm already halfway through
those 30 years, it's been 15.

So in 2033, they both get out,

and, like, now that I, like,
start getting closer

to that end date, just doesn't
seem like enough time.

Our conditions as children
were worse

than their conditions in
a state prison.

These are their online

inmate photos...
Alice definitely looks tired in

the eyes.

Mary has changed a lot.
She looks super old.

It just makes me angry that
they could still be smiling.

They almost look content
and comfortable

with where they're at.

Back in 2017,

I had contacted Alice
and asked her why she did

the things she did
and if she felt

any remorse,
and she claimed that

she didn't do anything wrong
and that she was playing

the role and doing the job that

Mary should have done
as the mother.

Mary, she writes
me occasionally.

Mary would always just reply
that she's sorry.

She should have never let
it happen.

I don't believe her apologies.

I think it's just what Mary
expects people want to hear.

But it was important
to forgive her

and not forget it
but just to let her go and

let her existence be hers
and let mine be mine.

I want to forgive Alice,
but I haven't yet.

It's hard to look back on what
happened between

me and my siblings, but we
endured and made it through.

Darrell ended up having
kids of his own,

and Danny is doing pretty good,

he's married and has a couple
of kids, and I talk to Danny

pretty... pretty regularly.

Um, Tyler, as well.

I haven't talked to Caleb
in a few years.

I love Marissa.

After years of separation,

I was able to get in contact
with her and meet her beautiful

children and see her

as, like, a full-grown parent.

She was just...

a good mother.

She just wanted... that was
her dream, like, that's all she

wanted was to be a mom and do
it right, and on her way home,

she dropped her kids off at
school, and then on her way home

from dropping her kids off
at school,

she got hit in
a head-on collision

by a street racer,
and it k*lled her instantly.

I don't know, man.

I just think about Marissa
every day.

I want to know why it all
happened, and we could

have been a good,
like, strong family.

Like, there's no reason
we couldn't have been.

I know, like, I could have died
in that situation, like...

they were gonna let me,
so, like, I see

the world through a lens
where bad things are

probably happening,

um, and I just want more things
to be done about it.

You look at the homes, like,
nobody knows what goes on

inside a house, like, nobody,

You just don't know...
There's, like, demons inside

some homes, and, like,
you just don't know.