02x11 - McCloud vs. Machine

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Come on!

It's picture time!

[upbeat music]

- * In the Loud house, the really Loud house *

- Our heroes gaze victorious over the wasteland

that was the only home they ever knew.

- And then I could say, "The robots thought

they could replace us."

- And then I'll say, "But we had

the most powerful weapon of all"...

[together] "Friendship."

- [exhales sharply] We did it!

- "Robot Wars" is done.

Clyde and I finally finished our first screenplay.

Now, as filmmakers, we just need the money

to make our masterpiece.

All right. I got a nickel and...

a piece of already-chewed gum.

- I got a quarter and...

the same piece of gum.

- Well, looks like we're gonna have to make money

the old-fashioned way.

- Beg our parents? - We don't have time for that.

We're gonna have to get jobs.

[upbeat music]

- Hey!

There they are, the two hardest-working

sandwich jockeys in town.

How was your first day?

- A lot of people complain about their jobs,

but it turns out work is a really good way to make money.

- People love it when you hand them hot delicious food.

- I set aside two piping-hot servings

of my famous Lynn-sagna for you guys.

- Uh, sorry, Dad, but we're good.

- Yeah. We get to bring home any mistakes subs.

- Yeah. I got bell peppers, pastrami, and peanut butter.

- I got a meatball sub with one undercooked meatball.

I don't know which one it is, but I'm feeling lucky.

- I had to fight the twins just to get these two servings.

And by the way, since they got their new teeth,

they can do some serious damage.

There you go! Piping hot.

- We're gonna stick with these sandwiches,

but, uh, here's a little something for your troubles.

All right, Clyde, let's go work on our movie.

- Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Did you guys finish your homework?

- I don't know.

Did we?

- Hey, I was just about to text Dad a joke.

You guys want to hear it?

- We don't, but, uh, keep those chuckles coming.

- We're big fans.

[phone chimes]

[phone clicking]

[phone honks]

- "LOL"?

He didn't laugh out loud. He didn't laugh at all!

- That was the longest day of my life.

And I was in labor with Leni for hours.

- Rough day at work, huh?

Well, it might be time for one of Lynn's famous foot rubs.

- Oh, honey, you had a long day, too.

- Oh, nonsense. Come on. Sit down and relax.

[knuckles crack] [exhales sharply]

So, sweetie, how do you like that?

- So good.

- [exhales deeply] - Ah, mm.

- When we first meet our heroes,

I think they should be in all black.

- To symbolize the darkness of the journey that awaits them.

- No, because it looks cool, but your thing, too.

- You know what else looks really cool?

An eye patch.

- Dad, where do you land on eyepatches?

- Oh, well, that depends. Is the movie rated "arrrgh?"

Little pirate humor. [chuckles]

- Oh, boy. This isn't good.

Not good at all. - It's just an eyepatch.

Let's not let your one bad idea ruin our movie.

[stomach gurgles] - I think there were

two undercooked meatballs in that sub.

[flatulence] Clear the bathroom, people!

Oof. Hey!

- Ooh! I better go.

He might need a second roll of toilet paper.

- Oh, well, I'll be right here waiting for you.

- Ooh, well, could be hours. - Ah.

Well, then I will catch you tomorrow.

- Ooh.

* *

- I'm home!

- Off to work!

- They gave us the dinner shift.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I've got takeout from Lynn's Table.

It's Tortellini Tuesday.

- Sorry, Dad. Got to go.

- Here's a little something for your troubles.

- I don't want your money.

Listen, I'm gonna save some turtle pie for you guys.

I just have to make sure that Lola and Lana d--

- Gimme that.

- Little monsters. - Thanks, Dad.

- [sighs] Can you believe this?

I get no respe--

- Those guys cannot stop giving me money.

[chuckles] - Another long day, huh?

Oh, hey, I've been limbering up, huh?

Getting ready to attack those tootsies.

- Well, actually, you can have the night off

'cause I got a new pair of shoes

and my feet feel fantastic.

Look at these babies. - Oh, when did you get those?

- Well, the office girls and I started a walking club

at lunch, so I figured

I would treat myself to a new pair of shoes.

- Oh, speaking of treats, I got your favorite,

turtle pie, and as soon as I wrestle it back

from the twins, you can dive in.

Hey, are you sure you don't want a foot rub?

I-- And she's gone, too.

[intriguing music]

* *

[yawns]

[phone honks]

* *

[phone rumbles melodically]

* *

[phone honks]

[phone whooshes] [phones chime]

* *

[phone honks]

[phone screams]

* *

[phone honks]

* *

- We'll see you tomorrow with another -inch tuna.

both: Hold the mayo! [laughter]

- This is the greatest job ever.

People are just handing us money.

- Our special-effects budget is gonna be huge.

- Nothing can stop us now.

- * Hoagies, grinders, heroes, and clubs *

* There ain't no sandwich like Denunzio's Subs *

[upbeat jingle plays]

- Whoa! Look at that.

- That's amazing. - I love you, GoBox.

[indistinct chatter]

- This is not good.

[upbeat jingle plays]

[tense music]

Meep, meep.

- That seemed intentional.

[whistle blows] - Is she allowed to do that?

- Let her get it out of her system.

- Over the past two days, it has been brought

to my attention that this family

is a bunch of liars.

Through my research... - Stalking.

- Whatever. I have concluded

that every single person in this room

is guilty of fake laughing at my funny texts.

- When you send something and I "ha ha" it,

it's just me trying to be courteous

and move on with my day. - Move on with your day?

[gasps] O-M-G.

Notice how my face matches the emoji?

[chuckles] It's not that hard, people.

- Last month, you sent me over jokes.

You can't expect me to actually laugh at all of them.

That would be like batting a thousand in baseball.

You should be happy if I laugh at three out of ten.

- You only laugh at three out of ten of my jokes?

Lucy, surely your "ha has" mean something?

- If you write "ha ha,"

it means you acknowledge the text,

but you want to end the conversation,

much like I'd like to end this conversation now,

so, ha ha.

- Wow.

Just wow.

- Sometimes your jokes can be really confusing.

- And what does it mean when you send a joke

and bad news in the same text?

Like-- like when you said, "Aunt Ruth broke her hip

and she's at the hospital."

Then you made a joke about hospital food.

If "ha ha" that joke,

I'm "ha ha-ing" that Aunt Ruth broke her hip.

- For the record, the appropriate response

would obviously be...

"Ha ha. TTYL.

"Red cross emoji.

Heart, heart, heart. Prayer hands."

And, Dad. - I'm listening.

- You're my comedy compass.

You're the person I trust the most.

- Aw.

[whispering] Can you film this?

- And you betrayed me.

If you don't like one of my jokes,

you have to tell me it's not funny.

You can't lie.

- As parents, it's our job to encourage our children

and support their dreams.

- Wait, so you and Mom have been lying to all of us?

- Well, I-- I wouldn't call it lying.

- Well, that's exactly what it is, actually, because--

[all speaking at once]

- All right. Okay. All right.

All right, all right, all right!

You guys think total honesty is the way to go?

Let's do it.

From now on, we're all gonna be totally honest

about everything all the time.

I'll start. [clears throat]

I'm tired of this conversation, so I'm leaving.

Wait, I'm not leaving. I'm the dad.

I'm gonna stay right where I am,

and you all can leave.

I'm gonna get back to my magazine

and find out "what is in when you're out on the town."

- You haven't gone out on the town in years.

- "Tight tank tops and sunglasses

that bring out your personality."

- I don't know what to tell you, boys.

Artificial intelligence is the wave of the future,

and GoBox is the first step.

He's efficient. He's customer friendly.

He could even tell you your horoscope.

Go ahead, give him your sign.

- Aries.

- Aries. Your job is in danger.

- Aquarius.

- Aquarius. Your job is also in danger.

[laughter]

- He's not wrong.

- Mr. Kim, we need this job to help finance our movie.

We'll work twice as hard.

We'll come in on the weekends.

- We'll wash our hands before we handle the food.

- Just please give us a chance. - I'll tell you what I'll do.

I have two days left

before I have to purchase this or return it.

If you boys can outperform this modern miracle,

the job is yours.

- You won't regret your decision.

- We're gonna run circles around this waitress on wheels.

- Game on.

- Operation Sticky Sidewalk is foolproof.

He's gonna go right into that wet cement and get stuck.

- It's time to turn that robot into a "no bot."

- That's the perfect line for me to say

at the end of our movie.

- I thought I was playing Magenta Jonez.

- No, you're playing Abernathy McCoy,

the absentminded, yet brilliant scientist.

- Does he have an eyepatch? - No, he does not.

- * Hoagies, grinders, heroes, and clubs *

* There ain't no sandwich like Denunzio's Subs *

What happened?

The cement is supposed to be... [cement squishes]

Wet.

- Ow, my eye.

- Not happening, Clyde.

[intriguing music]

* *

Commence Operation Hole in One.

This is so exciting.

He's gonna fall right into that hole

and his sandwich-delivering days are over.

- * Hoagies, grinders, heroes, and clubs *

* There ain't no sandwich like Denunzio's Subs *

Meep, meep.

- That doesn't make any sense.

- He was supposed to fall right into--

[both scream]

- A little help? - Anybody out there?

[doorbell chimes]

- Sarah. - Brenda.

- What can I do you for?

- Rita forgot her quiche pan at the office.

I was on my walk home, so I figured I'd drop by.

- Look at you, walking home, in the walking club at lunch.

- There is no walking club at lunch.

- Oh. Well, Rita said there was--

- Brenda, hey. Uh, don't listen to him.

[chuckles]

He's thinking about my book club

that I walk to. [clears throat]

Thank you for returning my pan. - No problem.

- [sighs]

- Wait, there's no walking group at lunch?

- Oh, no, uh, there is,

but, uh, we just don't invite Brenda.

She's, uh-- she's kind of a negative Nelly,

you know, she brings everybody down.

So I lied to her to protect her feelings.

- See, great minds think alike.

I was just saying the same thing to the kids.

- Oh. Well, that's why we make such a great team.

What is going on here?

- You likey? - Mm.

- I'm telling you, with you and I as parents,

our kids are just gonna go up, up, up.

[cell phone ringing] Ooh. Yello?

I'll be right there.

Lincoln fell in a hole. - Oh, God.

- I can't believe Dad doesn't think we can handle

being honest with each other. - Yeah.

I mean, we don't keep any secrets from each other.

- Like, Lana knows I think she snores like a polar bear.

- Wait, what? You never told me that.

- Yeah, you probably didn't hear it

because you were snoring like a polar bear.

- What? [overlapping speech]

- Well, we don't hear you at all, Lynn,

but we do smell you. - What are you talking about?

- Your smelly gym socks. - [chuckles]

- My gym socks don't smell.

- I used one of them to knock out Hops

for his dental surgery. - [croaks]

- Ha ha.

- You can laugh at that, but you can't laugh at my texts?

- Anyone can see that's funny. - Oh.

Well, I'm surprised you can see anything

through those ridiculous bangs.

- Ooh, dang. - [laughs]

[tense music]

- What? You have funny bangs.

- Maybe I should use one of your tiaras to pull them back.

Oh, wait, I don't wear tiaras because I'm not three.

- [gasps] - Yeah, I said that.

- Okay, okay. That's enough.

- Why are you defending her? - Yeah, Luna.

You didn't stick up for me.

- Since we're being so honest here,

here's a little truth b*mb.

I'm Luna's favorite sister.

- [chuckles] No. I'm Luna's favorite sister.

- She wrote a special song about me.

all: The secret favorite sister song?

* The secret favorite sister song, ooh, ooh *

* I know we'll always get along, ooh, ooh *

* She's my favorite *

* And I'm so proud to say her name *

* It's... [all say their names]

* Loud *

- Dude. - What?

- I mean--

What about the tiara, though?

- Are you kidding? [all shouting]

- Thanks for getting us out of that hole.

- Well, it wasn't the first time,

won't be the last.

Good luck defeating that robot tomorrow.

- Fine, then none of you are my favorite sisters.

[doors slamming]

- What's that about? - Oh.

Well, your sisters are being honest with each other.

It was my idea. I'm doing it too.

Sometimes people just need to hear the straight poop.

Hey, there's my rock star. Looking good.

- [sobs]

- [sighs] That was not one of those times.

- Have you seen my new walking shoes?

I thought I left them here by the door.

- Oh, no walking shoes.

Well, I guess when you get home tonight,

guess who's coming out of retirement.

This little piggy went to the market,

and this little piggy went to heaven.

- Oh, I just remembered, I left them at the office,

because that's where I do my walks

with my walking club, which I already told you about.

- Okay. Well, I guess, uh, no foot rub necessary.

Back in the holsters, boys. [imitates whooshing]

- I'll see you after work. - Love you.

- Mwah. [door clicks]

[stomach gurgling]

- I got to stay away from those meatball Subs.

[flatulence]

- Oh, don't forget to wash your hands.

- Yep, hope no one's in there. - We're washing our hands now.

- Wow, looks like you guys really took it up a notch.

- That robot doesn't stand a chance.

- Mm.

- I'm even wearing Mom's new shoes for maximum speed.

Turns out I'm a ladies' . Who knew?

- Hm, but Mom said she left her shoes at the office.

[echoing] I'm rubbing your feet.

- [echoing] Lucky me.

The office girls and I started a walking club at lunch.

- There is no walking club at lunch.

- I lied to her.

- You lied, all right.

Lincoln, I'm gonna need those sneakers.

Looks like the shoe's on the other foot now, Rita.

- I'm sorry.

all: I'm sorry, too.

[tender music]

[laughter]

- You guys are all my favorite sisters.

[laughter]

- Hoagies. - Grinders.

- Heroes. - Clubs.

both: There ain't no sandwich like Denunzio's Subs!

- Let's do this! [both scream]

- * There ain't no sandwich like Denunzio's Subs *

* Hoagies, grinders, heroes, and subs *

* There ain't no sandwich like Denunzio's Subs *

- * Hey, hey, hey, hey *

- Fire!

- * Denunzio's Subs *

- * Hey, hey, hey *

* *

- * Hoagies, grinders, heroes, and subs *

* There ain't [person screams]

- * No sandwich like Denunzio's Subs *

* Hoagies, grinders, heroes, and subs *

* There ain't no sandwich *

* There ain't no sandwich, ain't no sandwich *

* Like Denunzio's Subs *

- Ooh.

- Ah, another rough day at work?

- Yeah.

- Hey, did you ever find your sneakers for your walking club?

Or should I say, your lying club?

- Are you implying that your lovely wife,

after years and children, would be lying to you?

- If the shoe fits!

[dramatic music]

- When we first started dating, you gave me that one foot rub,

and I didn't want to hurt your feelings,

so I said that I liked it.

- I was feeling so good about myself, and it was all lies.

But look at this.

A trophy for foot rub of the year.

A plaque for Mr. Foot Rub. - Yep.

- And a doctorate from Foot Rub University.

- You made all of those!

- I feel so betrayed.

- I assumed over time, you'd get better,

but somehow you got worse.

Every Friday night, you're down there

popping capillaries like bubble wrap.

- Oh. Oh, wow.

- What is going on down here?

- I have been giving your mother foot rubs

for years, and she's been telling me she likes them

to "protect my feelings."

- Isn't that exactly what you've been preaching to us?

- That if you don't want to hurt someone's feelings,

it's okay to lie?

- Not to me!

I'm sensitive.

- Uh-huh.

- We lost?

- How can that be? We delivered over subs.

- Yes, but only of those

actually made it to their destination.

I mean, look at this.

Did you guys stuff one down a chimney?

- Yeah. Clyde scurried right up there.

- [sighs] I'm sorry, guys.

- Before you make your decision,

think about this.

Your so-called robot may be able to replace human beings,

but it will never replace the human touch.

- Spirit. - The human spirit.

You're going to have to ask yourself one question, Mr. Kim.

Which side of history do you want to be on?

The side of the robots or the side of the human race?

It's your choice.

[triumphant music]

- He fired you? No thank-you? No nothing?

- Well, he did give us a couple of mistake subs.

- I got another meatball sub.

[sniffs]

I think all three meatballs are bad.

[somber music]

[mouth full] The sauce may have turned, too.

- [sighs] Replaced by a robot--

well, I guess that's the way the world's going.

Look at your mom. I've never seen her so happy.

- Oh, thank you, honey.

This is amazing.

[device buzzing]

[laughs, sighs contentedly]

- You guys will find another job to pay for the movie.

- We decided we're not gonna make the movie.

- But you've got to make the movie.

- What's the point?

No one's ever gonna believe the humans

could beat the robots.

- That's why people go to the movies,

so they can believe the impossible.

Look, you two are filmmakers.

It's your job to inspire the world.

You have the power to take people on a journey

and make them believe there's a chance for a better tomorrow.

- You're right, we can inspire people.

It's finally finished! Gather round!

- This is gonna be the best movie you've ever seen.

- Yeah, let's go! - Lana, I can't wait.

- Robots are the best part.

- Lincoln, great job.

[cheers and applause]

- Good job, Lincoln! Good job, Clyde!

- Aha, that's it.

- Nice job, bros. - I like it.

[dramatic music]

[cheers and applause]

[suspenseful music]

- Hurry, McCoy, we have to escape!

* *

both: Beep, bop, boop. Beep, bop, boop.

- Why didn't I read for this?

[alarm blaring]

* *

- Looking good, guys! Hey, hey, I made the cut.

both: Dad!

Beep, bop, boop. Beep, bop, boop.

Beep, bop...

- I warned you. - I could do this all day.

[laser zapping]

- Take that, robot.

both: Beep, bop, beep, bop.

[grunting]

But we knew we had the most powerful weapon

in the universe...

[together] Friendship.

- That's why the robots will never replace the humans.

- Or deliver sandwiches.

[stomach gurgling] I gotta go.

[flatulence] It's gonna be a minute.

- * "Robot Wars," it's a reckoning *

* You think you're gonna win, you better check again *

* Magenta Jonez, Abernathy McCoy... *

- So...

what'd you guys think? - Ah...

the truth?

both: Mm-hmm.

- It was...

Amazing!

- Yes! Yes! - So good.

- Oh. - Thank you.

- I wasn't really sure in the beginning...

[yawning] but it really picked up in hour three.

- Yes. - Hour three.

- Really good. - It really set the tone.

- Yeah. - I told you.

- Guys, great job. - Really good.

- Could have used a couple intermissions.

- How do you follow that? How do you follow that?

- I know.

- You think they really liked it?

- It doesn't matter what they think, Clyde.

What matters is if we liked it.

- Did you like it?

- No.

But the sequel is gonna be amazing.

Let's fire up that laptop.

- Hey, I'm thinking Abernathy has, like, a dog sidekick.

- I was thinking the exact same thing.

- * "Robot Wars," it's a reckoning *

* You think you're gonna win, you better check again *

* Magenta Jonez, Abernathy McCoy *

* Are coming for the robots, boy, oh, boy *

[energetic hip-hop music]

* Ugh! *

* Robots, robots *

* Robots, robots *

* Robots, robots, robots, robots *