02x12 - Loud Blues

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Come on!

It's picture time!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ In the Loud house, the really Loud house ♪

- I bet you if I got on a plane right now,

they'd just let me fly.

- Clyde's dad's just finished

a very successful run of "Top g*n: the Musical."

Clyde and I got primo parts.

We're the guys who did this.

[dramatic music]

[record scratch] But, more importantly,

we got to keep these sick jackets.

- It's a crime to look this good.

- It's a crime to keep it to ourselves.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- You are cleared for takeoff.

Call sign, Unicorn.

♪ ♪

- [screaming]

- Guys! - Aah!

- Lily lost her unicorn. It's all hands on deck.

- Unicorn?

- Leni, it's a stuffed animal. - Aah!

- Here you go, Lily. Here are Mommy's keys.

- No! - Oh.

- Here, Lily. Take Mommy's wallet.

- Oh, oh, nope. Mommy's purse is closed.

- I want unicorn! - Hey, nice jacket.

- Hold that thought. Family emergency.

Hey, Lily.

I know when I'm sad, Bun-Bun always makes me feel better.

Why don't we see if he can cheer you up?

- That thing's going right in the toilet.

- I love you forever.

- Forever? You're not gonna give it to her forever.

Tell her you want it back.

Tell her to suck it up and find her own stuffed animal.

Actually, Lily... - Forever forever.

- You gave Bun-Bun to Lily? - Actually, Zia--

- When I saw you in that jacket,

I didn't think you could get any more attractive,

but you just did, mister.

[gentle harp music]

- I'd do anything for my little sister.

And the jacket doesn't make the man.

The man makes the jacket.

Oh!

- The DMV just emailed me personally!

Luan Loud has her learner's permit.

I can't wait to start practicing.

Where are the keys? [toilet flushes]

- Somewhere between the first and second floor.

[horn honking]

- I'm ready for my first driving lesson!

Permit selfie. [camera shutter clicks]

- What are you doing?

- I'm teaching my daughter to drive--

an iconic moment in any father's life.

- I'm gonna teach her to drive--

an equally iconic moment for any mother.

- I got here first.

- I fished the keys out of the toilet.

- No, you didn't. They're on the hook right behind you.

Zoink! [laughs] - [gasps]

- Gotta clean the yard.

[panting] Ha ha! I'm first.

Hey. Oh!

- Not anymore.

- [spits] Quick sidebar?

- Yep. - Yeah.

I really think that I should teach her.

See, you taught Lori and Luna, and thanks to them,

our insurance has skyrocketed.

I, on the other hand, taught Leni,

who has zero tickets and zero accidents.

- Oh, so you think you're a better teacher than me?

- No, I don't think I'm a better teacher than you.

- Oh. - I know I am.

- Okay, fine. You take her.

- [chuckles] Is this a trick?

- No, sweetie, I'm rooting for you.

- You are?

- I would never want you to fail.

- Aw.

- But when you do, I will be waiting.

[ominous music]

- Ah.

- Hey, there. I can't believe you gave Bun-Bun to Lily.

I mean, you slept with him every night

since you were born.

- Can't spell "brother" without "hero."

You got to rearrange letters, but it works.

- Well, you're definitely my hero.

[upbeat music]

[guitar notes playing]

- Is that a new guitar? - Kind of.

I found it in a pile of junk behind the Burnt Bean.

- Does it have a name on it?

- I don't--

nope.

- I'm gonna tell you what I tell Lana

when she brings home stray pets.

If it poops in the house, tell your dad.

And if it has a name on it, you got to find the owner.

- [sighs] - You know, sometimes Lana

gets a reward when she returns the pet.

[dog panting] Speaking of strays...

[plop] No!

Lana!

Ugh. Bad dog.

Ooh, Leni. - I'll let Dad know.

♪ ♪

- And now we just slowly veer towards the curb.

Good job.

Now go hand over hand, very smooth, and just like so.

Perfect.

What do you think?

- Can I try now? - In time.

You see, when conquering the open road,

patience is of paramount importance.

Luan--

[dramatic chord] - Enough chat.

- Wow, you really remind me of your sister Lucy right now.

- Hmm.

- Okay, here we go. Seat belt, kiddo.

- Yep.

- Now, today we are going to have fun.

We are going to build confidence,

and we're gonna tell your mom what a great time we had,

because you are with the best driving instructor in town.

Let's have some fun.

[engine turning over]

- [crying] I hate driving.

- Luan, please.

- How'd it go?

- Amazing.

I mean, I think she could pass the test today,

but they don't allow that.

So, you know, we're just gonna keep practicing

because, you know, we're having such a great time.

And, uh, I think I'm also gonna take these

you know, to wipe her mouth

because she always eats so fast when she's happy.

[dog panting]

- Lana!

Don't you have a home, buddy?

- [shouts]

- Whoa. Didn't see you there.

- Sorry.

Lynn fell asleep before me, so I have to do push-ups.

- That's pretty impressive.

- I'll tell you what's impressive--

you, Mr. Give Away His Favorite Stuffed Animal

Brother of the Year.

Have a great sleep.

- I'll sleep like a baby...

a hero baby.

[rooster crowing]

- You didn't sleep at all? - Not a wink.

Turns out I need Bun-Bun more than I thought.

- Why'd you tell Zia it was no problem?

- Because it sounds better than,

"I'm gonna take my stuffed animal back

from my cute crying sister because I'm a big baby."

- I didn't know you like coffee.

- I don't. [can hissing]

- Good morning. - What's good about it?

- He's regretting giving Bun-Bun to Lily.

- I think I might be able to help.

When you kids were little and had a favorite stuffed animal,

Dad and I would always keep a secret backup,

just in case!

Say hello to backup Bun-Bun.

- I can't believe what I'm seeing.

You are a monster.

To think that you would take this soulless substitute

and use it to deceive a small trusting child?

- So you don't want it? - Of course I want it.

I'm gonna use it to get my Bun-Bun back...

the real Bun-Bun.

- He needs more sleep. - Yeah.

- Hey, I'm here to see Buddy Perkins.

[indistinct chatter]

Mr. Perkins.

I'm Luna Loud.

Uh, I found your guitar in an alley,

and as much as I wanted to keep it,

I thought returning it would be the right thing to do.

So I came here to give it to you.

Do you want to give me anything in return?

- Yeah, a swift kick in the behind.

- [snickers]

- I think you're misunderstanding

the universal meaning of this.

- Look, I don't want the guitar.

So why don't you get back to whatever it is you do?

Which seems to be running around alleys,

returning things to people who don't want them

like some low-rent junkyard Santa Claus.

[chuckles] Hey, Earl, write that down.

That'd be a good title for a song.

- I took a lot of time out of my day to do this,

so you don't think you even owe me a thank-you?

- No, I think you owe me an apology.

- You want me to say sorry? - No, I want you to write it.

Earl, take a letter, and make sure it ain't got no D in it,

because Earl's typewriter is missing the D key.

- Fine.

Dear...

Okay, you know what? I can't do this.

- Your generation can't finish nothing.

I'll get rid of the guitar myself.

Here, you driving.

Earl, if you touch that backgammon board,

I'll k*ll you.

Come on.

Don't forget the guitar, now.

Don't do it, Earl.

- Who's ready for day two?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Is this because of yesterday?

Because, you know, the first days can be a little bit bumpy,

but that's normal.

But today we are gonna fire on all cylinders.

- Look, Dad, it's nothing personal.

I just--I don't really want to--

- Have as much fun as we had yesterday?

Well, you know, I don't want to disappoint you,

but we are gonna have so much fun, it's going to be criminal.

I mean, not criminal.

We're gonna respect all the rules of the road

because I'm very good at my job.

Let's go. Come on, come on, come on.

[grunts]

- Okay, stop right here.

- [sighs] Sure this is far enough away?

Because we could still waste more of my day.

- Good point.

Keep going. - I was being sarcastic.

- Well, I wasn't. Keep going, keep going.

All right, stop. - [sighs]

- No, keep going.

Stop. - Okay, enough!

I am not moving this car another inch.

- Good, 'cause we're here.

Were we going east or west?

- You want to know how to get rid of a guitar?

I'll show you how to get rid of a guitar.

[tires squealing]

- Whoa. Who taught you how to drive?

- Again, we're very sorry.

She's just learning. [chuckles]

We hope we didn't make you late for your pickleball game.

[chuckles] [engine turning over]

And stop by Lynn's Table anytime you want.

Our doors are always open,

even though we didn't notice yours were.

- I'm never driving again!

- You know what, kiddo? I have an idea.

- [inhales deeply]

both: [exhale deeply] Okay.

- We are in an empty parking lot.

There are no cars, no people, no pressure.

All you have to do is lightly press the accelerator

and just drive straight. - [exhales deeply]

- Ah, nice and easy.

All right, you having fun? - I think so.

- Good, I'm gonna call your mom and let her in

on this nice little father-daughter moment.

[chuckles] [line trilling]

- Dad? - Just keep driving straight.

- Dad? - You're doing great.

- Hey. - Hi, hon.

- Dad? [tires screech]

- Oh!

- You okay?

- You get your tea first, Bun-Bun.

- Are you sure you want to do this?

I have an army of stuffed animals that

are ready to love you at the drop of a hat.

- Sorry, Clyde, this just makes more sense.

- Some for you, Mr. Bear.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

How do you like your tea, Mr. Bun-Bun?

[gentle music]

[dramatic music]

Nice try.

[door slams]

[line trilling]

- Bring over your boys.

Dang, Clyde. - Yeah, I had a lot of anxiety.

Okay, Hippity Hippo is a kind of pick-me-up.

Gentle Giraffe is more of a soothing presence.

Moo-Moo Cow is just a good hang,

you know, the kind of stuffed animal

you want to have a root beer with.

Worry Walrus wards off nightmares.

And Feelings Frog is all about self-esteem.

- People like you. Ribbit.

- Shall I place one in the crook of your arm?

- I'll go with Worry Walrus.

- Excellent choice.

[rooster crowing]

- There he is. Did Worry Walrus do the trick?

- Yep, didn't have a single nightmare.

- Told you.

- Because I never went to sleep.

I'm losing my mind, Clyde. I haven't slept in two days.

Why'd Lilly have to lose that unicorn?

- I think you need to tell Lilly

you're taking Bun-Bun back. - I can't.

Zia keeps calling me hero, and I like it, you know?

Not to mention, she gives me

a kiss on the cheek every time she sees me.

I'm in too deep, Clyde.

Or am I? I can get out of this.

I've just got to walk up to Zia,

look her straight in the eye, and say, hey...

there's the girl that makes me twirl.

How was the tournament?

- Our team won the championship.

But I think you deserve this

because you're a first-place brother.

- We got to find that unicorn.

- It's just like when Lana brings home a stray pet.

If it has a name, you got to return it.

Plus, there may be a reward, and we could use the money

to pay for those doors we took off.

Oh. - Ooh!

- [sighs]

- I think the common room is that way.

- Oh, no, no, no, it's over here. Oh!

Oh, dear. - Dad!

- What? Oh.

Oh, God!

There's one on your back. Ha ha. We got this.

Uh, do you want the red and the white and the blue

all in each cup or--

You know what? I'm just gonna do the scoop and dump.

- Well, Buddy, I guess this is goodbye.

- Dreams do come true.

- There you go. [chuckles]

Oh! Ah.

Are you Buddy Perkins?

- Dad, what are you doing here? - Making this man's day.

I found your guitar.

Maybe there's a little something

you can, uh, give me in return.

- I hate your family.

- How'd it go?

- Uh, amazing again.

- What's going on with the hat there?

- Nothing. It's just the style these days.

Oh!

Look what you did to my head.

- You did that while I was on the phone with you.

Why don't you just admit that I'm a better teacher than you?

- I am not a bad teacher.

It's Vanzilla's fault. Well, the brakes are touchy.

She's not the precision machine she was

when I taught Leni to drive.

Do you remember Leni, the best driver in the family?

- So you're blaming it on the car?

- That's right. I'm blaming the car.

- Why don't you just admit that I'm a better teacher than you?

- Never! [door closes]

- Good riddance.

As long as you don't have

any money-grubbing family members in this area...

- Oh, so now you know the sign.

You know, Buddy, I don't want to bother you.

- Too late.

- Why do you hate that guitar so much?

- No particular reason.

- You know what? Forget it. I don't want to know.

- You know why I hate Evangeline?

That's the name of my guitar.

I can't play her no more because the darn arthritis,

end of story.

- Do you take anything for the pain?

- I tried. It just gave me a toothache.

- What kind of medication was it?

- I'd just bite down real hard on a stick.

- Buddy, you can play that guitar again.

You can get rid of that pain.

- Well, even if I did, I couldn't sing.

- Why?

- You try singing with a stick in your mouth.

Look, playing that guitar was my life.

Now I'm just a grumpy, depressed old man.

- You cannot get rid of Evangeline.

You two are supposed to be together.

Maybe that's why she keeps coming back to you.

- You're right. I got to get her back.

- [chuckles]

- Wait! Evangeline!

- You got it. - Aah!

- Ooh.

[toy squeaks]

- What are you guys looking for?

- Lily's unicorn. - Oh, I found that yesterday.

both: Yes!

- And then I gave it to the Donation Army

because you gave her Bun-Bun. - Leni, I need that unicorn.

- Oh.

Well, I guess you'll just have to join the army, then.

Thank you for your service.

- Is that how it works?

[rock music playing]

- Ha ha.

- You bought a new car?

- That's how much I love my daughter.

Got a real interesting price on it, too.

- Full price? - A little more.

There's a guy coming in tomorrow

who was gonna pay double, but they gave it to me instead.

- We cannot afford another car.

Plus, Luan said something about having to pay for a new door.

What is that about?

- All right, I can't lie to you.

I bought you a new front door for our anniversary.

- Why?

- Because I adore you.

- Okay. - There she is.

Ha ha, my little driver.

Get in here, kiddo.

[chuckles] All right, let's start her up.

[engine turning over] There you go, let her down.

And here we go. Ha ha ha.

[tires screech] Oh, that's okay.

There you go.

Oh, that's okay. That's okay.

- Seems like a lot of money for a door.

- Yeah, well, there was a guy coming in tomorrow

who was gonna pay double.

Genuine cedar.

- I feel bad about those pickleball players.

- Don't. They're ruining the game of tennis.

Whoa. What happened?

Did you go for a joy ride while I was getting

the doorknob inscribed?

- What does "I a-doob you" mean?

- No!

It's not "a-doob"! It's "a-door"!

Ding-dang Door Barn!

Oh, there's no note. It must have been a hit-and-run.

I can't pay for this.

I'm already down one new car, two old car doors,

one new front door, a pamphlet rack,

and this stylish new convertible hat.

What else could go wrong?

- Oh.

- Where'd you learn how to drive?

- What are you doing now?

- Oh, I was just hiding your anniversary present.

- But you already told me what it is.

- That doesn't mean I can't still hide it.

- [gasps] What happened to your new car?

- It was a hit-and-run.

- Did Luan hit something and you guys ran?

- No, it wasn't Luan.

Someone hit our car in the parking lot,

and I've got the security tape to prove it.

- Show it to me.

- Well, I don't-- I don't have it.

- [laughs]

- Hey, I'm gonna get that tape. You'll see.

- Sir, if we had it,

it would be with the other stuffed animals.

- Well, it's not with the other stuffed animals.

- Listen, I'm sorry you lost your unicorn.

I'm sorry you gave your Bun-Bun away.

But I'm not sorry to end this conversation.

- Zia. [chuckles] What are you doing here?

- I'm donating some of my old trophies.

What are you doing here? - I'm donating something, too.

- Really? What?

- I'm donating...

my brand-new, one-of-a-kind b*mber jacket.

[chuckles] So is Clyde. - No, he's not.

- Wow. First, you give Lily Bun-Bun and now this?

Somebody deserves another medal.

How did I get so lucky?

- There's $ in your pocket, sir.

Would you like to donate that as well?

- Yes.

- A little cold to be walking home without a jacket.

- Grab a knife and fork, Rita,

because you are about to eat your words.

The Door Barn just sent over their security video.

- Oh. - [laughs] Here we go.

- Oh, that's me.

[upbeat pop music playing on van stereo]

♪ ♪

- So the car of the driver you're currently teaching

got hit by the car of the only other driver you've taught.

- She's all yours. - Thank God!

- Can I drive the convertible? all: No!

[blues music playing]

♪ ♪

- Wow, I can't believe you got her back.

- Yeah, the--the family of raccoons really put up a fight.

- You know what? Those arthritis pills

work a lot better than that stick, too.

- I'm just happy you're playing again.

- Here, give her a try. - Oh, no, no, I couldn't.

- Oh, come on, let me see what you got.

- I mean, I don't really sing the blues.

- Anybody can sing the blues. What gets you down?

- Well, I live in a house

with people and one toilet.

- [laughs] One toilet? [chuckles] There you go.

That's your blues right there. - [laughs]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Got people and only one can ♪

- ♪ I got to share with ten sisters ♪

♪ And one man with a plan ♪

- ♪ You got the blues, oh, yeah ♪

both: ♪ The one toilet, people blues ♪

♪ Living life this way ♪

♪ Ain't nothing but bad, bad news ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Thought I was a good driver ♪

♪ Better than my wife ♪

- ♪ Oh, no ♪

- ♪ Spent all my money ♪

♪ Gonna be poor the rest of my life ♪

all: ♪ I got the blues ♪

♪ He's got the blues ♪

- ♪ Terrible driving teacher ♪

all: ♪ The terrible driving teacher blues ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

all: ♪ Living life this way ♪

♪ It ain't nothing but bad, bad news ♪

♪ ♪

- What do you say, Linc? - Oh, all right.

♪ I lost my Bun-Bun - Oh.

- ♪ And I just couldn't hack it ♪

- ♪ Oh, no ♪

- ♪ I lost my mojo ♪

♪ And then I lost my jacket ♪

all: ♪ I got the blues ♪

♪ He's got the blues ♪

- ♪ Trying to impress his lady blues ♪

all: ♪ The trying to impress his lady blues ♪

♪ Living life this way ♪

♪ It ain't nothing but bad, bad news ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Hands at and - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

[laughter, cheering]

- Oh, I'm gonna get my cowbell.