Another Shore (1948)

[bunniefuu]

- I've come to take the

place of Mr. Gulliver Shiels.

- Huh, Shiels, not being replaced.

- Sir.

- Oh, yes, yes, of course.

Come this way.

Here's his desk.

It hasn't been dusted

not since he left here 18 months ago.

Are you awake Mr. Shiels?

Mr. Shiels?

Mr. Shiels?

Mr. Shiels, your letters.

- Come in.

- One's your pension.

Fancy you at your age having a pension.

And the other's more about

those islands of yours.

I read your teacup last evening.

And there's a job coming to you.

The way you won't have

to be spending your days

with the q*eer ones in Stephen's green.

- Nora, when will I get you to understand

that I don't want a job, I have one.

- But this is real work.

- Nora, the whole trouble about work

is that it isn't real.

I found that out in the customs.

Nothing but invoices in and invoices out.

Everything in triplicate

and nothing in once.

- But if you don't work...

- Work means responsibility.

Yes, and the next you know is

you're pushing a pram up

three flights of stairs.

- And that island of yours.

Wouldn't you even work your way there?

- No, I'll go on the

wings of circumstance.

- The wings of what?

- Circumstance.

- One day... - ach, 'tis always

one day with you.

- Now will you listen to me Nora.

Accidents will happen.

Everything comes to him who waits.

It's a long Lane that has no turning.

If a man has luck, you can

throw him into the sea.

Hap and mishap govern the world.

Forget the mishap, Nora,

and chance rules all.

- And pride comes before a fall.

- Yes, and that fall's the

very thing that'll take me.

One day a rich...

- — Old lady.

- Or old gentleman.

- Or a young lady?

- No.

- Well why wouldn't a young lady do?

- Young ladies are too disturbing.

- Sure, the thought often comes to me that

I'd like to be a disturbance.

- No Nora.

Young ladies and the south

seas don't go together.

- Way back where I come from.

In Kerry.

- In Kilmarney.

- In Kerry is it?

Why, Nora, in Raratonga

there are seven seas of azure and of gold.

The dapple of the silent sands...

Pool-flecked and untrodden forever.

And peace!

Listen.

Listen to that.

Now here, Nora,

here, just where my finger is

is a bay where the sand is warm and golden

and nothing happens.

Ever.

- Is it far, Mr.Shiels?

- 200 guineas far.

- Cheer up Mr. Shiels.

I'll toss the cup again for you tonight.

- Late!

- Come on pip, now dance.

Come on, dance, dance,

that's the way, dance.

Thank you sir.

- Good morning, Coghlan.

- Good morning, sir.

- Late.

This is the 459th day

that I've sat in Stephen's green.

Sometimes I begin to believe

that I have perhaps chosen the wrong spot.

That nothing can or ever will happen here.

Yet where else in Dublin

should I find so many people

who might help me to attain my end?

Statistics show that while I've sat here

23,498 pounds

have been left to chance good Samaritans

in the city of Dublin.

And all I need to take me to Raratonga

is 200 guineas.

Surely some day some rich old person

will collapse and fall,

so that I may have the

chance to be a good Samaritan

to one who will prove a

better Samaritan to me.

- You'll pardon me, sir,

but by any chance, would

you be a literary man?

- No.

- Well, they all have it here, sir,

you're writing a book.

Oh, they do indeed.

- It's nonsense.

- Of course, sir, it's nonsense.

Besides sir, it's none of their business

the shiny bottoms and workshies

that do be coming in here.

I told them so.

So help me, there are people in this green

would shame the world.

What they want to put them

into books for beats me.

- I'm not a literary man at all.

I'm just fond of the green!

- And the green's very fond of you.

Even if you are a literary man.

And you're here every day sir.

And always on the same seat.

Every day.

- Not on Sundays, constable.

On Sundays I take the day off.

- What are you doing?

You're Bryan Joyce,

the poet, aren't you?

- I'm not.

- Oh yes, I saw you at the

Bailey with Seamus O'Sullivan

and Gogarty and all that lot.

I was a bit tight.

But you're him all right,

though, aren't you?

- I am not, I'm not a literary man at all.

- You are a literary man, I know the look.

- What look?

- Oh, sort of, careless

something or other.

- I am careless.

Just that.

Oh, yellow, don't!

- That was yellow, look.

- I say, sorry.

I'm terribly sorry.

- Let's have the ball, yellow.

- Come on, Jennifer,

- the water's simply boiling.

- Hold it, bats.

- Coming.

- Won't you come and join us?

- Thank you, but I must

get back to Dublin.

- Well, maybe I'll see you there sometime.

I'm often in Dublin.

Yellow lends me his car.

Come on,

Jennifer, I'm going in.

- I'm coming.

- Won't you tell me what your name is

if it's not Brian Joyce?

Mine's Jennifer stockley.

- Then good-day, miss stockley.

- Ah, Parkes, there you are.

Hm, ha.

Parkes, give me a pencil.

Parkes.

Parkes, where are you, Parkes?

Raratonga, Pearl of the south seas.

Tahiti.

Tahiti.

More girls and beautifuller.

- Where's my gentleman?

- He's gone.

- He can't be gone far, he's got no money.

- He's got a half a crown.

- O'Meara's.

- Whisky.

Whisky.

Come on, come on.

Whisky.

- That'll be two and eight, sir.

- We won't worry about twopence, Larry.

- You won't, sir, but I must.

Where's Mr. Parkes?

- Oh, blast Mr. Parkes.

Do you think I want Mr,

Parkes for twopence?

Wait, ah now, wait.

See what I've got.

Would a stamp do?

- Unused, sir?

- Of course, it's unused.

At least, I think it is.

That's it.

What about the change?

- What change?

That was a twopence-ha'penny stamp.

Oh, adrift for twopence.

Fancy a man like me,

doesn't bear thinking of.

- Thousands and thousands.

- Your change, sir.

- And adrift for twopence.

Oh, when I think of it.

When I think of the insult, the ignominy.

I don't know how I put up with it.

Can you imagine that?

A man in my position, adrift for twopence.

Ah, there you are, Parkes.

Where have you been?

What do you mean by losing me?

You've allowed me to get another drink.

You'll get into serious trouble.

Come on, now, come on.

- Ah, Mr.Shiels.

- Mr. Coghlan.

- Yes, sir.

- It's an awful dry

day, sir, in the green.

- It is that.

- I expect it's dry on

that seat of yours, sir.

- Yes.

- Ah, it's a fine seat

that, for a literary man.

- I am not a literary...

- Ach, I know, sir, I know.

But it's a fine literary seat that,

to watch life go by from.

That same seat he always used,

Micky Dunne's seat.

- Who's Micky Dunne?

- Just a poor lad from Mercer street.

And now, sir, he's Mr.

Michael Dunne, esquire.

And he has three castles of

his own and a rolls Royce.

Or is it three rolls

royces and one castle?

- You mean he's rich?

- Rich, sir?

He's rolling.

Aye, rolling.

And it all came about on

the head of an accident.

- What's that?

An accident?

What sort of an accident?

- Drink up, sir,

me glass is empty.

- What'll it be, Mr. Coghlan?

- Well, sir, it's this way.

I've a sort of touch of the cramps.

I'd like something hot.

- A hot rum, a large one.

- Yes, sir.

- Coghlan, that story please.

- Oh, that, sure.

Well, sir, two years ago,

as sure as I'm standing

here, it all happened.

Young Dunne used to spend

all day in the green

because he had no work.

Ah, thank you.

Well, here's good luck, sir.

- Go on, go on.

- Well, sir, he was sitting on that seat.

Your seat now.

Wait till I show you how.

Now, there he is sitting.

And me forninst him.

"Mr. Coghlan," says he, "I'm through.

"18 months I've been sitting

here and no sign of a job.

"Some people has all the luck," says he,

"I'm through."

"Now don't say that," says I.

"Is it setting the hand of

Providence against you you'd be?

"Sure, you must only wait

till your luck will turn."

And with that, I walked away.

Well, I hadn't gone a perch

before an old lady passed me.

And she with a silver-topped

stick and very feeble.

"Good-day, ranger," says she,

and she had a lovely smile.

"Good-day, ma'am," says I,

though me proper name isn't

ranger, it's constable.

Well, just as she came forninst

where Michael was sitting,

what do you think?

- She fell.

- There, flat at his feet.

- He had her up in an instant.

- Aye, and carried her to that seat.

Steady, now, that's the way.

Ah, there we are.

- He kept slapping her hands.

- And smoothing her brow.

- And loosening her shoes.

- And fanning the air into her face.

- And giving her smelling salts.

- And he, standing there,

wiping her silver-topped

stick with his handk...

Smelling salts?

He gave her no smelling salts.

- Well, then, never mind.

How did it finish?

- "What's your name?" Says

she, looking at him hard.

"Michael Dunne," says he.

"Oh, you're terrible handsome," says she.

Within a 12-month he was

managing her property.

And last year, when she died, he got all,

except for a pound or two that

went to a nephew in Ceylon.

- I see.

- It's a funny story sir.

You could put it into a book.

That is, if you were a literary man.

- It's not very funny to

me, I'm afraid Coghlan.

Lightning never strikes

twice in the same place.

- Begob sir, is that the time?

Faith, lightning will have to be my name

or I'll be chasing the rest of the day

like a dog after his tail.

- Late.

Two years late!

- It's only just on four, sir.

Two years late.

- Yes, sir.

- Some people have all the luck.

I've lost everything, I'm through.

- Oh, don't say that, sir.

Set the hand of Providence

against you, you would?

Sure you must only wait

for your luck to turn.

- Who said that before?

It's lucky.

I don't know sir.

Here, take that, tomorrow's runners.

Tomorrow can always mend today, sir.

- Grafton street.

- Hegla mail.

Hegla mail.

Hegla mail.

Hegla mail.

Hegla mail.

Hegla mail.

- Are you stone blind or just blind?

- You slammed on your brakes

without any warning at all.

You've no stop light.

- Hold on, ladies, hold on.

Steady, steady now.

I know you're in the right.

And so are you.

- Guard, I've got a witness.

At least, I think I have.

Hi, yoo-hoo, Brian Joyce.

- Ach, what's one witness, more or less.

I'll be the chief one.

Now, into the side, please, ladies,

while I take your addresses.

Come on now, get out of it and

let the city get a move on.

- Paper, sir.

- Are you waiting for somebody, sir?

- No.

- Goodnight then, sir.

- Goodnight.

- Hey, you, mister.

Are you gonna be there much longer,

on them steps, I mean?

- Yes.

Probably quite a while.

It was obviously

the other girl's fault.

- That's what I would have thought.

- The guard was against you anyway.

- What happened to that

witness of yours, Jennifer?

- Lend me two quid, yellow.

- Oh, two quid's a bit stiff.

- Lots of gin in two quid, hey, bucksie?

- Yes, fountains.

- And how much were the costs?

- Twelve and six.

- Twelve and six?

Five large whiskies.

- Well, they wouldn't

take a cheque, I'm afraid.

- Bad luck j.

- Yes, I'm afraid it was rather.

- Thank you, miss.

- I can't help thinking

if that chap on the

sands had come forward,

you would have got away with it.

- Fellows a cad, clearly.

- Well, maybe, he didn't see it.

- Perhaps he did, j.

But even if he didn't, you'd think...

- You'd think he'd have turned up.

I saw him on the bank steps

the day before yesterday.

- He was there today and last Friday.

- Who is he, what does he do there?

- Bats says he practically

lives there, don't you batsie?

- Fact.

Hey, you can come out now.

- What?

- Yeah,

the rain has stopped.

- Hey, you, mister.

What are you doing on them steps?

- Me?

- Yes, you.

So, you're there for weeks now.

- And why not?

- Why not?

It's time you caught your bus

or whatever else you're waiting for.

- I must have room to store me papers.

- I don't want to interfere

with your business.

But I too have business here.

- Oh, we know what that business is.

Look it, it's time you quit them steps

and let decent people earn a living.

- But this is nonsense, I'm doing no harm.

Now I've had enough of

both of you, be off.

- Tell me now,

are you a trafficker?

- Trafficker?

- Aye,

contraband and the like.

- That's a secret.

- Ah, Emile the boulevardier, I knew it.

I knew it, I've got you

here in me little book.

Chapter four, so I have.

Aye.

Toodle-oo.

- Hello.

Wait for me in the buttery,

yellow, I'll be right along.

- Remember me?

- Should I?

- You're rather rude, aren't you?

You were rude to me that day on the beach.

And again when I had that

crash and called you.

I know you heard me 'cause

I saw it in your face.

Why didn't you come

fonnard, I needed a witness?

- The best of reasons.

Witnesses are supposed to tell the truth.

- What do you mean?

- You were in the wrong.

- I was not.

And if I was, yellow

wouldn't have let me down.

- Yellow?

- Yes, yellow.

I was fined.

- Too bad.

I hope the car

- wasn't damaged.

- What?

Oh, that didn't matter

because it was yellow's.

As a matter of fact,

he's waiting for me now.

In the buttery.

Will you join us?

What are you doing here anyway?

Collecting material for that

book you're not writing?

- Half Dublin seems to want

to know that this morning.

What I'm doing here

concerns nobody but me.

And I'm not telling you.

Now, off you go to the

buttery, yellow's waiting.

- That's why you won't come, of course.

You're frightened of us.

That's what yellow says, anyway.

- I can't see why you should

ever have expected him to come.

- Well, I don't see why

not, I asked him politely.

- I can't think what you see in him.

- Can't you?

- Excuse me.

- Oh, so you've come after all.

How wonderful!

Yellow, I want you to

meet a friend of mine.

What is your name?

All I know is that it's not Brian Joyce.

- You're the chap on the beach.

And I'm still sorry I

was such a rotten shot.

What'll you have, whisky?

Waiter, large whisky.

- I understand that she said that I...

Such a silly mistake.

I don't know how I could

have come to make it.

- My name's bingham.

- And mine's Shiels.

- What's your Christian name?

- Gulliver.

- Gulliver, what a glorious name!

Don't you think so yellow?

- A pal of mine had a

horse named Gulliver.

Jolly nearly won the

Cunningham cup at Punchestown.

- Fell at the water, I know, I was there.

- So was I, very much there.

I was on him.

- On him?

- Well, I was, up to the water.

Then he put me down, good and proper.

- Yellow!

- Four out of five winners,

and then you had to fall off.

- Gulliver.

- Sorry old chap.

- Gulliver, tell me there's something

I terribly want to know.

Why do you stand on the steps all day?

- Sorry, old chap, but he hit

the top and went tail over...

- Shut up, yellow.

I asked Gulliver a question.

- I'm sorry, I can't answer it.

- You mean you won't.

- Hey, steady on.

- Hello.

Hello Jennifer, how's yellow?

- Hello, yellow, how's Jennifer?

- Fine thanks.

- Fine thanks.

Fine.

- Don't want to butt in, of course.

- Are we butting in?

- Oh no, no, not a bit.

- Well, introduce us.

- Yes, do.

- I'm so sorry, this is...

- excuse me, please, I,

I really must be going.

- Are you going without

answering my question?

- Without answering that question.

- Really, Jennifer, the

things you comb on the beach.

- Now listen.

Your reign on them steps

is over, whoever you are.

Them steps is me aunt's steps.

- But that's sheer nonsense.

Since when did your aunt become the owner

of the bank of Ireland?

- Oh clever, hey?

Well, now listen,

you'd better get off them

steps on your own two feet,

or you might have the help of one of mine.

- I shall stay here if I like

for months and months and months.

Now be off with you

or I'll call the guard

and have you arrested.

- Oh, listen to him and

me after fixing the do.

- Here he is now, officer, here he is.

- Tell him he must go.

- Hey.

There he is officer.

- Look here, what's your little game, hey?

- Game, what game?

- What are you doing on them steps?

- You've been there for weeks.

- Weeks?

Months!

- It's not exactly a game, officer.

I like standing here,

watching the traffic.

- He's a trafficker.

- Well, that sort of

standing is loitering.

And you're liable to arrest for it.

- That's absurd.

- Maybe, but it's the law.

Now look here,

hadn't you better change

to some other corner?

- But officer, I like this corner.

- If I find you here tomorrow,

you'll come to green street station.

Besides, there are complaints about you.

- Complaints, who's made the complaints?

- Oh, traders in the street.

- Has the bank of

Ireland made a complaint?

- It's no matter who.

- It wouldn't be Mrs. Gleeson, I suppose?

- It could.

Them steps mine, it has

been these last 27 years.

The year Michael Collins

made the treaty with the British.

- Oh, that's true enough.

And officer, would you tell

that dawney-looking statue

to be off and leave me

aunt to earn her living.

- Are these the traders who object to me?

Is Mrs. Gleeson a trader?

- Ah, she says she has no

place to store her papers

unless it be on the steps.

- Will you please answer my question?

Is she a trader?

- She is.

- All right then.

Now, suppose I set up to sell

papers here like Mrs. Gleeson,

what would you say to that?

- I'd say you were a fool.

- Quiet now!

Mrs. Gleeson's been here these 20 years.

- And seven.

- Granted, but it's the law I want.

Now, if I started to sell papers here,

I might, as you say, be a fool,

but would I also be a trader?

- You can't do the like of that, sir.

Mrs. Gleeson is a decent poor woman.

- And me husband's paralysed.

- I won't of course, but I

could try something else.

Sell lavender or even play a tin whistle.

Would either of these

be a legitimate trade?

- Well, I suppose it would.

- Thank you officer.

- Dance pip, go on, dance pip.

That's the boy.

That's it.

- Well, Roger, how much

did pip collect today?

- Ah, Mr. B, sir,

- it's terrible.

- Ah, what's up?

- It's pip, sir.

The doctor says that I've

got a floating kidney

and I've got to go into hospital

tomorrow for an operation.

Me heart's broke.

- Ah, cheer up.

You'll be out in a week or two

it'll make a new man of you.

- It's not meself, it's

pip I'm thinking of.

He's nowhere to go.

- Well, you can put him in the dog's home.

What?

Put him in an institution?

- Oh, I couldn't do that, sir.

He'd die of loneliness.

- No he wouldn't.

- Up and dance, pip.

Up and dance, pip, up and dance.

Up and dance, up and dance.

- Well, that's good.

But sir,

isn't that old Roger's

dog from Johnson's court?

- The same.

He's gone into hospital,

so I'm carrying on for him.

- You mean, you're

collecting for him, like?

- Exactly.

- Well, that's real kind.

- And I'm within the law,

too, detective officer?

- You are that.

- Mr. Broderick,

ask him has he got a

proper licence for the dog?

- Okay.

And it's a charitable act indeed, sir.

- Here, it's about time

you showed some charity,

the both of you.

Come along now, come on.

Come on now, a penny for old Roger,

the lot of you.

Come on now.

- There you are sir.

That's for old Roger.

And may Providence reward you, sir.

- And thank you, officer.

- Here, let me help you up.

Are you hurt?

Smell this.

- Where's my umbrella?

- Here it is.

Shall I call a taxi and see you home?

- How dare you?

I know young men in taxis.

Stand back, or I'll call a constable.

Touch me and I'll charge

you with a criminal act.

- I'm sorry.

- You're not, young men are never sorry.

Come on now, see me across the street.

But mind,

if you touch me, I'll have you arrested.

- I shall have to take your arm.

- You may, but leave the rest of me alone.

- There, are you all right now?

- What was the matter with me?

- Nothing.

- Hey, come back here.

Come back young man.

I've got something for you.

I've been celebrating.

Ah, stand by me, just this once.

Get me a taxi and see me home.

- I'll get you a taxi.

Taxi.

Where shall I tell him to go?

- Oh, please see me home.

Please.

I feel dreadful.

- Yes, but I, I have a dog here.

- Where?

- Here.

- Oh, I never saw him, he's a darling.

Killiney Hill, driver.

Come and get your dog.

- Drive on, quickly.

- But.

Hey, what, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop.

What do I do with this?

- You could hold it, couldn't you?

- How much further is this horrible place?

- Mm,

miles and miles and miles.

If you go, you go without your dog.

Gulliver.

Daddy's away and I told

the maid not to bother;

you don't mind, I hope, do you?

No.

- I think you'd better

take the head of the table.

Hm, good, grapefruit.

All right?

Let's eat, I'm hungry.

You know, yellow and

the g*ng can't make out

what you do on those steps

all day at college green.

They've got all sorts of vulgar

and exciting explanations.

- Let's forget the vulgar ones.

What are the exciting ones?

- Well, they say that

you're a police spotter.

Kind of informer.

- What's your explanation?

I haven't one.

I think you're probably quite charming,

or can be, when you want to.

I don't like them when they

say those things about you.

- That's nice of you.

- Anyway, even if your

business was a bit shady,

I'd still defend you.

What's the matter?

Shoulder strap gone or something?

- Why the secret signals?

- Signals?

- I am sorry, really sorry.

- Oh, maybe we oughtn't

have forgotten him.

- Here.

There you go.

- That was a bad break.

- Lamentable.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- No don't, it's lucky.

It means from now on

there's a bond between us.

- Just by spilling the wine?

- No.

By spilling it towards me.

Look.

- But, supposing there were

half a dozen people at the table.

- There weren't.

There were only us two.

Won't you tell me what this

mysterious business of yours is?

- Private business.

- I'll have to dope you.

- You won't believe me when I tell you.

- The Brandy will help.

I'm down there waiting

for an accident to happen.

- An accident?

- A street accident, a car crash.

I rush to the aid of the injured party,

an old gentleman, an old lady,

take them home,

make myself indispensable, get adopted

and eventually collect the legacy.

- What a horrible idea.

Why, it's positively ghoulish.

- I want the money.

- Well, isn't there some

other way of getting it?

Why don't you work?

Go into business, make money?

- No, I'd be too old before I had enough.

I want money quickly.

- Enough for what?

- Raratonga.

- What a lovely word.

- Yes.

- But what is it?

- It's a small island

in the south pacific.

- Good heavens.

- Yes.

It's a lovely place.

- You sound so serious.

What's it all about?

- I'm going there some day.

- You're joking.

- I'm not.

- Heavens, what a man.

Have you no people?

- No.

- Not in love with anyone?

- No.

- Gulliver, you're a most romantic person.

You mean, you're living here in Dublin,

dreaming about your island

and determined to get there?

- Yes.

- But it's ludicrous!

Why don't you just marry

a rich girl instead?

It's so much simpler.

- I'm going alone, I'm not coming back.

- But why?

Well, it's,

it's not that I hate women and streets

and a nice place like this, with gardens

and electricity and

bathrooms and rates and taxes

and life insurance and tennis parties

and coal bills and children and bag-wash.

It's just that I won't

take on the responsibility

for things like that.

I mean to escape.

I shall go to San Francisco.

Then Honolulu.

Then Raratonga...

Where there's quiet and

long days of sunlight.

And where I can wear nothing,

and fish the reef with a spear.

At night, I shall sleep on a

floor laid with pandanus leaves

and there'll be the scent

of frangipani in the air.

- You're a poet.

- I'm not.

I told you before, I'm

trying to be practical.

- I like your tie.

- I don't know why.

- Mm?

I don't know why either.

Gulliver!

- I must be going now.

- Gulliver, for heaven's sake kiss me.

Can islands kiss like that?

- Don't be childish, Jennifer.

- Drink to my island.

- I won't.

I'll drink against it.

I'll drink to the bond between us.

- Bond, what bond?

- To the wine you spilled, remember?

- I won't drink to that.

To Raratonga!

- To the spilled wine!

Now...

Kiss me again.

- Goodbye.

- Gulliver.

Gulliver.

Gulliver!

- He's k*lled.

- Keep back.

Get on the side like that.

Can't you keep back and give him air!

- Here, here, let me help him.

- Help!

- Are you all right now?

- Help.

- Of course, I'm all right.

- Help, help.

- Who took my mouth organ?

- Help.

Never mind anybody else save me.

Help, help.

Get me out of here.

Hey,

take me to a bar.

I'm upset.

I'm practically dying.

Brandy.

Hey Larry, where are you?

Oh, there you are, Brandy.

There's been an accident.

Bad accident.

- There has been an accident.

- Oh, shocking accident.

Mammoth brandies, enormous ones.

Large ones.

- Brandy for the corpse, Larry.

Pronto.

Prontissimo.

- Larry, hurry up with

that Brandy, will you now?

Come on, hurry.

That's it.

Larry, what are you thinking of?

A Brandy for my friend.

Here, wait, wait, wait.

Two large brandies.

Oh, if the car's only in

smithereens and Parkes dead,

what did we hit, a tram?

- No sir, no, only a bicycle.

- Oh, bicycle's no good.

Take a tram to k*ll Parkes.

Why aren't you drinking,

don't tell me you're a teetotaler?

- No, no, I'm no teetotaler.

- Good.

Like an odd one now and again, eh?

A good few odd ones?

Lots of odd ones.

Well, here's an odd one.

Here's mud in your eye.

Larry, two more large brandies.

I was drinking myself to death, you know.

Instead of being glad of it,

I settled all my money on me wife.

And now she won't let me have a cent.

That's why she keeps that pig-faced Parkes

following me about.

Afraid I'll get drunk.

I like you.

What's your name?

Mine's Alastair McNeil.

- Mine's Gulliver Shiels.

- Gulliver Shiels.

Shiels!

Anything to Keb Shiels, the painter?

We lived in Tahiti together.

Tahiti?

You,

you've actually lived there?

Lived half me life there.

I made a fortune there.

Copra and Pearl shell, you know.

Wish I'd never come back.

The best place in the

world to get drunk in.

- The best island in

the world is Raratonga.

- No, no, no,

Tahiti!

Tahiti's French, you know.

French.

Drinks are cheap.

And down by the harbour,

coffee-skinned girls wait under a moon,

a moon as big as...

Two more brandies.

- You've been to the

south seas, of course?

- No,

but how I long to go.

- Do you mean that?

- With all my soul.

- Never mind your soul.

Give us your hand, Shiels.

This makes us friends for life.

This is fate.

Two men with the same dream.

We'll go together.

- That'll be 32 and six, sir.

- Yes.

- 32 and six.

- Yes, well, see my secretary.

No, not Mr. Shiels, my secretary, I said.

Watch the door.

I can't go alone, Shiels.

I'm not well enough.

Too much to drink I expect, or not enough.

I must have someone to go with.

Someone like Parkes.

Oh, as unlike Parkes as possible.

Oh, don't worry, we will go, old man.

My wife can't last forever, glory be.

And when she pops off,

you and I'll pop off too.

This is serious.

Do you know Moore, Murphy

and Moore, the lawyers?

- In Dawson street?

- The same.

When I leave you this

morning, drunk as I am,

or as near drunk as heaven'll let me,

I'm going straight round to the office,

I'm going straight up the stairs,

and I'm going to say to them...

Where was I?

- At Moore, Murphy and Moore's.

- I'm gonna tell them

to get out the papers.

This'll be binding on you, you know.

The contract signed, sealed and delivered.

You k*lled that boy, Parkes.

You're a m*rder*r.

You'll be hung for certainty.

- Meantime, you're fired.

- Thirty-two and six.

- Hm.

Handcuffs.

Bracelets for Parkes' black Maria.

- Thirty-two and six.

- Pay up, Parkes, pay up.

If you're not fired for m*rder,

you'll be fired for letting

that drunkard lead me astray.

Au revoir, my boy.

From this day, our fates

will move together.

And I'll give you a prophecy.

In three months from now,

the dreams we both dream will come true.

- Stop.

Larry, two more brandies.

Large ones.

- Gulliver.

Gulliver, I'm sorry about last night.

Are you all right?

- Yes, of course, I'm all right.

- Look, I know it's not possible but,

well, just because of

the wine that was spilt,

come and dance with me tonight.

- No, I can't.

- Does that mean you

can't, or is it won't?

- It means exactly what I've said.

I'm much too busy to

take people out tonight.

Things have happened.

- What sort of things?

- Just things.

Islands and so on.

Yellow's the man for you.

He probably likes dances.

Go with yellow.

- So, there it is, Mr. Shiels, it's mad.

It's bad, preposterous and outlandish,

but for an initial sum of 400 pounds

and an annuity for the same amount...

Bless me soul, is that a dog?

- I'm sorry Mr. Moore, I didn't know.

- I wouldn't have...

- Hm, I love them.

Love them.

Keep pekes meself.

But, er, don't tell Mr. Twiss.

- Oh, doesn't he like them?

- Like them?

He'd rather see a dead

dog than eat breakfast.

But where was I?

You agree, of course, to

accompany Mr. Mcneil to Tahiti?

I do, hand me the pen.

- One moment.

- If you should return...

- I shall never return.

- Just sit down.

These gentlemen will

witness your signature.

You understand that this agreement

only becomes operative on

the decease of Mrs. Mcneil

when Mr. Mcneil becomes

seized of his property again?

- I do.

- Moore.

Moore, Moore!

Oh, Arthur.

She's gone.

No, no, no, sit down, you fools.

She's not dead, she's gone with Parkes.

Eloped.

I shall never see me money again, never.

It's sunk.

Thousands and thousands of it.

- I'll call you later.

Just ask Mr. Twiss to be

good enough to step this way.

I hate dogs.

I hate dogs.

All dogs, and you know it.

- What does it matter?

- Who cares?

- Oh, but it does matter, sir.

I hate dogs.

They're pests.

Always soiling the side-walks.

- I'm sorry.

- Sorrow is no broom

for the pavement, sir.

- Dogs, brooms, I have serious news.

Tell him, Arthur.

- Mrs. Mcneil has left

with Parkes, the chauffeur.

- Left?

- Run away, you fool.

- Oh, good.

- Good.

- Good?

- What do you mean, good?

- Excellent.

It resolves the whole situation.

In the event of adultery or desertion,

the property reverts forthwith to grantor.

- Grantor, the villain.

Where is he, I'll k*ll him!

- You're the grantor.

- Yes.

What?

Do you hear that, Shiels, I'm grantor.

I knew it.

What does that mean?

- The property reverts to you.

- Thousands and thousands!

Not a penny for Parkes.

- Are you sure twiss?

- No question about it at all.

- No question at all.

And what's more, no funeral expenses.

- Is this your considered

opinion, Mr. Twiss?

- I never give any other sort, do I?

Mccracken versus O'Malley

settled the whole matter once and for all.

- Of course, it did.

South seas are round the corner.

Celebrations!

Jammies at eight.

Oh Arthur, lend me a fiver.

Oh, come on, make it 20.

Jammies, hooray.

Shiels, I want you to drink.

I want you to drink with me to a dream.

To your dream and my dream.

But before you do it, I must know.

Have you any doubts, any misgivings?

- None.

All my life I've longed for this day.

- What about your relations?

- I have non.

- No one you're fond of, no girl?

You're a good-looking chap, Shiels, I...

- No.

- No one you care enough

for to feel a pang?

- No.

- Honest?

- Honest.

- Then, and in that case, drink with me.

To the flowering atolls of the south!

- To the flowering atolls of the south!

- Thank you for the drink.

Oh,

don't thank me, thank Mr. Mcneil.

- Oh, please, come along.

- Yellow, too?

- Of course, of course.

Come on, sit down.

- Gustave.

- Yes sir?

- Bring two more brandies.

Rather a special occasion tonight.

- Really, why?

- He and I are off to the

flowering atolls of the south.

- Hm, just two old friends, I suppose?

- No, no, no, that's

the funny part about it.

We only met, when was it?

Oh, well, it doesn't matter when.

The fact is we met, and how we met.

- Hm.

How did you meet?

By accident.

And when I say accident, I mean just that.

- Mm, street accident?

- Exactly.

- Mm, where?

- In college green, just a few hours ago.

- So your long shot finally came off.

And this is the victim!

- Bless my soul, I'm not the victim.

That's the victim.

Gustave, bring brandies for all of us.

And so, I'm taking him

away to the south seas.

To Tahiti.

To Raratonga!

- Blast Raratonga.

You shan't take him away, I won't let you.

I'll k*ll him first.

- Dog bite me.

There's something wrong here.

- She's a little upset, I'm afraid.

You'll excuse me, I know.

- Shiels, come and sit down here.

What does this mean?

- Nothing.

- Nothing?

A young girl,

a darned pretty girl too,

wouldn't object meself if I were younger,

comes to the table and

says she'll k*ll you,

you say it means nothing.

- That's exactly what

it does mean, nothing.

- Is she engaged to you?

- No.

- On your honour?

- On my honour.

- All right.

Forget it.

We'll say no more about it,

women are the very devil.

Ah, I should know.

Come on.

Let's forget all about it.

The flowering atolls of the south.

But what'll I do with him?

- Just love him.

You'll probably find him

quite useful about the house.

Anyway, his master is bound

to come out of hospital sooner or later.

Thank you, Nora.

You're a darling.

And now I'm free as the air,

and all my dreams have come true.

- Don't count your chickens, Mr. Shiels.

Remember, there's many a slip.

- When did it happen?

- Don't know when, but the

car's been there all night.

- Aye, coming from a dance, somebody said.

- He must have been elephants.

- Elephants or not, he had great guts.

The guard says that he walked

all the way to the hospital.

And him streaming with blood.

- And the lady I,

I mean, was there a lady with him?

- There was.

She was elephants too.

But was she hurted or not, I don't know.

- Hello, hello.

Killiney eight, eight, four, nine, nine.

All right then, if you prefer it,

double eight, four, double nine.

And will you hurry please?

What's that?

But it can't be out of order, it's urgent.

Then will you try aga...

- Well it's all your fault, Gulliver.

All this would never have happened

if you'd taken me outlast night.

I'm sorry about what happened at jammies.

Forgive me?

Please!

Well, you can afford to, now.

- Why now?

- Well, you're going away.

The island's won.

I've lost.

Gulliver...

Tonight's Christmas Eve.

Your last in Ireland.

Your last in Dublin.

Spend it with me?

Oh, what a terrible mob.

Let's go, shall we?

- Oh, well, let's have

a drink first, shall we?

- All right.

Cheers.

- Sante.

- Where are we going?

- Dublin.

- But we're in Dublin.

- You wait and see.

Mistletoe, lovely lady.

- Lovely cabbages, five pence a pound.

- Oh look, the lovely.

- Come along, ma'am

take a look at these.

- Come on now.

Cabbages, five pence a pound.

- Ah, lady, buy my mistletoe.

- Why don't you try the

koo kee tooth powder?

Don't you want white teeth?

Ladies and gentlemen, look.

- Hey, will it take rust off a bicycle?

- Go on, have a try.

- Now watch me, ladies and gentlemen.

See ladies and gentlemen,

what did I tell you?

- Are you not going to?

- No, go on.

- You have the basin with it.

- I'm not gonna have the basin

- just the jug.

- You can't have the jug alone

you'll have the basin

with it, four and six.

- Go on, I'll give you

half a crown for the lot.

- No you won't, you'll

give me four and six,

or else leave it.

- You're looking very

well tonight, Jennifer.

-Am I?

- That coat, er, suits you.

It makes you look what I call piquant.

- Come along over here and try your skill.

- Why don't you bring

your mother out with ye.

Yes.

J“ whenever an election's

on, we play on either side j“

j“ the way we play our fine old airs j“

J“ the cymbals clang and

the horns they Blaze away j“

- I'm afraid I've been rather

unpleasant to you at times.

- You're not tonight.

- Tonight's different.

- Why?

- I've always been afraid of you before.

- Because you thought I

might have stopped you?

- Yes.

- And now I can't.

- You shouldn't have come here.

I'm sorry, I'll get you a taxi.

- No.

No, not yet.

- Why did you come?

You still hoped I'd change

my mind, is that it?

- No.

- I told you I was going,

I told you from the beginning.

- Gulliver, you were happy

tonight, here in Dublin.

You'd forgotten about your idiotic dream.

- It's not a dream, it's happening.

I'm going, the passages are booked.

- You're running away!

- Well, why shouldn't I run away?

- Because it won't work.

You can't just cut yourself

off from people like that.

- From what people?

You, for instance?

- Yes, me.

- Well, I didn't ask

you to follow me about.

If you're so bored with

your horsey buttery friends,

is that my fault?

- I love you, that's all.

- Is that my fault?

- It's my misfortune.

- Do you think I wanted

to fall in love with you,

you great lazy, work-shy oaf?

You fake, you phoney!

You're not a man.

You're, you're... - What?

- Mouse.

Jennifer.

- Jennifer!

- Jennifer!

- Tahiti.

- Raratonga.

- Passports.

Still, please.

Still, please.

- Tahiti.

- Raratonga.

- Paraphernalia.

Impedimenta.

- Tahiti.

- Raratonga.

- Your car, sir.

- Mm, good.

Come on.

Tahiti.

Raratonga.

- Well, you know j,

you can't always expect

to have everything your own way.

- No, don't laugh at me, yellow.

- I'm not laughing, j.

But what's he sup-—

- I don't know anything.

- Get me out of here.

- Where?

- Anywhere.

- Oh, there.

- I haven't got a car.

- I have.

- Whose?

- Yours.

- Does it go?

- Just.

- Right.

Trousers.

- Have we got everything?

- Gulliver!

Gulliver.

- Gulliver.

- This is your doing girl.

You said you'd k*ll him,

and now you've done it.

- Help him out, someone, he needs air.

- No nonsense, he's perfectly all right.

- Yellow, help me.

- Drive on, I tell you.

- Drive on.

- Yellow, help.

- Now, get him in, that's it put him in.

- Put him in now.

- Yes, pull him out.

- No, don't take him away.

I shall miss the boat.

- Oh, he's broken his arm.

- He's broken his contract!

I can't go to Tahiti without him, I can't.

- I can't!

- Take him.

- Can he drink?

- Yes.

- Pints?

- Quarts, gallons.

- Good, come on.

- Get in.

- But I'm not ready.

- I've never thought of going.

- Come on, get in.

- Is there any riding there?

- Yes, surf-riding.

Practically the same thing.

- But I've no tickets, no passports.

- Come back.

- No anything.

- Hey.

- Here take these. — oh.

- And here's his passport. — oh.

- Come on.

- But I'm three inches

shorter than Gulliver.

- Stand on the upper deck.

- Will you get in now?

Drive on, drive on.

- Does it hurt so very much, my darling?

- I can stand it.