Terry, are you all right?
b*stard!
What?
You... stupid...
I don't know why you're taking that
attitude.
Just because there was a mix-up in
communications.
I'm sorry.
I'll get the...
No, no, Terry, don't worry.
Don't worry.
You're gonna be perfectly all right.
Please, freeze it!
No, no, no, don't worry, Terry.
Good Rob Downe, we're a nice
young nurse, in a starch uniform,
plate of chicken vindaloo,
you'll be as right as ninepence.
Leave me alone.
Now, Tom and Terry, I mean,
it was me that called the meat wagon,
these, um, angels of mercy.
You've been coming along as well,
sir?
No!
Er, no, no, he's right.
No, I'm sure you'll, um... I'll, I'll
just, follow up in my, um...
Well, to be honest, love, half this stuff
I couldn't even give away.
But, I'll tell you what, I'll do you a
right favour, and I'll clear the lot.
And let's say another 20 quid on top of my
offer, how's that?
Well, I don't know, I wanted to...
Well, that's the best I can do, I'm sorry.
Well, it doesn't seem like very much,
but...
well, what can I do with it?
Well, we've had a lot, with your old
father, dead and gone.
God rest his soul.
Um, are you sure there's
nothing else... No, no.
Just the cabinet in the bedroom and the
china.
When can you clear it?
Soon as you like.
Well, there are a few personal effects of
my father's I still have to sort out.
Yeah.
I understand.
I'll tell you what, you
sort out what you have
to, and drop the keys
to the estate agent.
I'll pick them up from there.
Fine.
Okay.
So whose bright idea was it to lock him in
a cold storage room?
Mine, as a matter of fact.
But it wasn't my fault that he got left
stuck in there.
Why not?
Look, if the geezer who was knitting the
meat had turned up and my friend's car
hadn't broken down, it wouldn't have
happened, would it?
Arthur, whatever way you look at it,
it was a pretty stupid thing to do.
Terry could have died in there.
Don't remind me, Dave.
But there you go, the best laid plan of
mouse and man.
I mean, Hitler and
Napoleon, they made a
right ricket at a Russian
winter, didn't they?
What's that got to do with it?
Well, at least I got Terry out before the
real freeze set in.
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he'd be very
grateful to you for that.
Here, incidentally, aren't you supposed to
phone the hospital about picking him up?
My God, yes.
Terry!
God, Charlie, you're a sight for sore
eyes.
Do you want a lift?
Not many, mate.
What you doing round here?
Don't ask me.
You're kidding, ain't you?
No, I'm not kidding.
Another couple of hours, I would have ended
up in bee jams next to the fish fingers.
I'm sorry to laugh at you,
but... How did you stand for that?
It's Arthur, ain't it?
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
You were supposed to pick me up from the
hospital and all.
You don't rely on Arthur.
Yeah?
I'm not going to rely on this.
The next time I see him, I'm going to jump
up and down on his trilby.
With his head still in it.
Look, Arthur was going to pick you up,
Charlie.
He rang the hospital from here,
but you'd already been let loose.
Where is he now, then?
I don't know.
Bit of business, he said.
Yeah, maybe he's actually gone to bee
jams.
See what sort of price he could get for
you.
Charlie.
I suppose he gave you
the version that it's all
a jolly jape and he's
totally blameless, yeah?
I did tell him I thought it was a stupid
thing to do.
Well, the next time you see him, you
can tell him from me that we are finished.
Got it?
Terminated, definitely.
Come on, tell.
I'm pissed off with always ending up the
wally in his stupid antics.
So what are you going to do to get her
crushed?
I'm not totally helpless without Arthur
hole in the head daily, you know.
No, no, I didn't mean that.
What I meant was... Yeah, and for your
information, I've got a living lined up.
Charlie here's put me on wages.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You know Keith, my partner, don't you?
Yeah.
He's only been laid down for a three-month
stretch for assaulting a copper, hasn't he?
Yeah, well elephants at the time,
wasn't he?
Stupid idiot.
Anyway, I need someone to give me a hand
at the shop.
I'm in gear.
Arthur won't be too pleased, you nicking
Terry off him.
Oi, I'm not a bit of property,
you know.
There's a little bit of brain up there
somewhere, isn't there?
I can make my own decisions.
Leave, I tell.
I wasn't having a go at you.
I can see what you mean, Rowley.
It's not the sort of place you'd want to
have an accidental fire in...
or a series of ugly frag houses.
There was a time I'd have
sorted it out myself, Arthur,
but I'm too old and you know
that sort of hag these days.
Agnes!
I thought demanding money
with menaces as a way
of getting an earner
was finished these days.
Too much porridge about.
There's always a few nutters around who'll
have some of it.
How much are they at the demand for?
Monkey a week.
My God, that much.
That must bite into the profits a bit.
A bit.
You know, Rowley, in a
situation like this, you wouldn't
be totally out of order
calling in the old bill.
Yeah, I know, but I
always sorted out my own
aggravation when I
used to be at it, Arthur.
And I can't change that much, even if I
have gone legit.
No, I know what you mean.
I mean, there are certain
codes of conduct and lifestyles
that the great unwashed
out there wouldn't understand.
I mean, we are talking about proper people
with proper values.
Right.
And the only thing these b*stards
understand is violence.
So if you can get Terry
to persuade them to
try elsewhere, there's
a grand in it for you.
No, no problem, Rowley, no problem.
Just leave it with me.
So where are we going after then?
Flat clearance job.
Got to pick up the keys from the estate
agents first, though.
Yeah, I was wondering how you got hold of
all this junk you knock out.
It's not too difficult.
You can bang on doors and ask.
Keep your eye on the obituary columns and
local papers.
Culture a few geezers in estate agents'
offices.
Yeah.
See who's moving out.
Selling up, etc.
It's easy.
Charlie Pope?
Yep.
He's supposed to be a friend of mine.
He's well out of order poaching my lab our
force, well out of order.
Well, that ain't the way Terry sees it at
all.
I'll tell you this, he has got that dead
needle with you.
Your relationship is, how do you put it,
finished.
Totally terminated as far as he's
concerned.
What, really?
You can say that his attitude is decidedly
frosty.
He'll thaw out.
That boy can't cross the road without me
to guide him.
Hello, Mary.
This the room he's about?
No, he's gone to view some properties.
I'm afraid he won't be back till late this
afternoon.
Can I help?
I've come for the keys to the flat he
nails me a call.
Yeah, he mentioned something.
Clearance job.
Dear, that's it.
Keeping busy, are you?
Sort of.
What's the number of the...
Six.
What's the matter?
I don't know.
Silly bleeder.
I must be cracking up.
It's number nine, isn't it?
Here you go.
Yeah, I don't know what's the matter with
me today.
The trolley.
What trolley?
The trolley to, well, move some of the
gear.
It's in the back of the van.
No, it's all right.
I'll go down and get it.
All right.
Hello?
Anybody home?
Took your time, didn't you?
Yeah, well, I was taking a leak,
weren't I?
Dear, I didn't expect this.
What?
Well, when you said it was some old boy's
gaffe, I thought, well, you know.
Well, not all old boys are barassic and
living in poverty, Tom.
No.
Well, come on, let's shift what we've got
to.
Got a busy day ahead.
Yeah.
As a runabout for your good lady wife,
you couldn't do better, Mr. Collins.
Economical is not the word.
If it ran on water, it couldn't be
cheaper.
Stylish, easy to park, and above all,
British.
Well, I'm not sure I wanted to go to the
price you're asking.
Well, you're pleased with the Merc,
aren't you?
Yes, yes.
Well, as an old customer, I think I can
accommodate you.
Shall we say, what, 5% discount on my
asking price?
Shall we say 10?
Cash.
Well.
No, and on the pro visor that my wife likes
it.
So, if you'd like to drop it round.
All right.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
Sorry, my hand slipped.
What's all this?
There's stuff in it.
Yeah.
Nothing.
Well, it's cookery books.
Maybe it was an old queen.
Um, could be his daughters.
Yeah, but I thought you said he lived
alone.
Yeah, but she used to stay here now and
again.
Him being sick, like, you know.
Why would she leave stuff like this,
then?
I don't know.
Maybe she...
Now I think of it, she
did mention something
about one or two personal
items still being left.
Look, I tell you what, you
cop hold of that standard
lamp over there and
take it down to the van.
I'll sort this stuff out.
I'll stick it in a bag or something,
all right?
I'll give her a call and let her know.
Yeah, all right.
Mr Dooley, Mr Collins.
A natural directional instinct and the A
to Z helped.
Yes, of course.
Well, you're better come in.
Thank you.
Abigail, Mr Dooley's here with the car.
Okay, I'll be down in a minute.
Thank you.
Of course, it's much larger than the last
place.
Took us ages to find what we were looking
for.
Mind you, we didn't really
want to be this far from the
centre of town, which partly
explains the second car.
Very nice, Mr Collins, very nice.
You can't beat a touch of
the suburban rurals within
striking distance of the
metropolis, I always say.
Do you?
I see your eye for quality doesn't
stop at houses and cars, Mr Collins.
Very tasteful.
Very tasteful indeed.
Unfortunately, I'm going
to have to buy one or
two more pieces to avoid
looking somewhat Spartan.
Really?
I may be able to help you there.
Yes, the goods and chattels trade forms
quite a part of my extensive business empire.
I mean, what I haven't got, I can get.
You don't just have to ask.
There you are.
Mr Daly, my wife Abigail.
It's a pleasure and an honour to make your
acquaintance, my dear.
How perfectly charming of you to say so,
Mr Daly.
Definitely.
Yeah, definitely.
Pardon?
May I say, as someone who's been in the
motor trade for a considerable time and is
noted for his discernment,
that a set of wheels should
fit in with the personality of
the person who owns them.
Really?
And if I may make so bold, what awaits you
in your driveway will blend in with your
good self like the very best in haute
couture.
Good God.
The wrong ones.
Prayed so.
Completely wasted journey.
I was practically there when I realised
you'd given me the wrong ones.
And me with a right busy schedule as well.
Dear, I am sorry.
Mr Rawlings will really have a go at me
when he finds out.
You see, I did the same thing with a
potential client only last week.
Well, don't worry about it.
I won't say anything if you don't,
OK?
Serve us a good year.
I'll get you the right ones.
Lovely.
I don't know what's been the matter with
me lately.
I guess I've been getting overexcited.
Nervous, actually.
Why's that?
I'm going on holiday tomorrow.
Abroad.
In a plane.
It's just I've never flown before,
you know.
I get this sick feeling every time I think
about it.
You just take a couple
of Mogadons and a
large drop of duty
free, you'll be all right.
Hello, John.
All right?
Hello, Charlie.
I've just come about the keys to the flat
in Ellesmere Court.
Yes.
Have you got them?
Yeah.
Here they are.
Number six.
That's them.
There you go.
Thanks, John.
Take you long, will it?
Er, well, I'm a bit short on time today,
so I thought, well, pick up the keys now
and make a start first thing in the
morning.
All right?
Sure.
Just drop them back as soon as you're
done.
Right.
Ta-ra, John.
Bye, Mary.
OK.
Morning, OK?
Just caught for another clearance job,
the same block of flats.
Same block?
How do you manage that?
They handle all that property.
Some giggler's selling up, going abroad.
It's handy, though, isn't it?
Yeah, more than handy.
Right, where to?
The shop?
No, a deal I made of mine in Rathbone
Street.
We can get rid of most of this stuff
straight away.
It's all go, isn't it?
I was pointing out to your husband just
now that the economy of this vehicle is
such that it brings...
Yes, certainly, certainly.
Tears to a petrol salesman's eyes.
And does it have reclining seats?
Yes, indeed, my dear.
And at the touch of a button, you can be
positively prostrate.
I'll come round and show you.
I'll, er, just show you.
This is good.
I'll be able to bless it.
Bless it?
Yes.
You know.
Spring-strong.
My God!
Why have you
dragged me down here to look at these
ghastly criminal faces?
If I'd seen someone
stealing my possessions, I
should have done something
about it there and then.
Or, at the very least, have been able to
describe them to you.
I'm not a fool.
No, of course not, madam.
It's just that, well, to remove so much
stuff would have taken some time.
And that would have been a bit risky.
Unless, of course, they knew you weren't
likely to be around.
Meaning?
Well, meaning they probably casted you.
That is to say, spent some time observing
the flats.
And you and your habits.
When you're likely to be there,
when you're not.
Probably even followed you to work.
So, you see, you may have
subconsciously noticed some... Rubbish!
I'm an extremely observant person,
Sergeant.
And I can assure you that if any man
followed me, I would be aware of it.
Have you had any callers at the flat
recently, on some pretext or other?
No one that I didn't know, or that I
wasn't expecting.
And as I told you, I only moved into the
damn place a little more than a week ago.
This is a total waste of my time.
Yes, ma'am.
Well, if you would just like to let the
officer here have a complete list of
everything that was taken, together with
an approximate valuation...
No, Terry, no.
Decided to show your face at last,
have you?
I beg your pardon?
You can beg all you like, son,
but you'll get nothing!
Terry, I've simply come over to clarify a
misunderstanding.
Misunderstanding?!
Yes.
I am informed by
Dave that for some
incomprehensible reason,
you have gotten up with me.
Well, actually, I'm somewhat bewildered.
Stop!
Stop!
Just stop, will you?
Before you go into one, let me tell you
this, son.
I'm not interested, right?
You and me are finished.
Finito!
No more.
You got that?
I see.
That's my reward, is it?
That's the gratitude I get for years of
loyal friendship.
A dagger in the back, that's
what I get for my unselfish
succour and support of you
along life's hazardous highways.
Treachery.
That's my take-home pay.
How much is Charlie asking for these
chairs?
Unbelievable.
You what?
You.
Me?
Not a word.
Not a single word.
Terry, are you all right?
Am I all right?
You've got the front to come in here and
ask me if I'm all right.
I could have died in that bleeding
freezer, couldn't I?
Terry.
What do I get?
Do I get one word of apology?
No.
Do I get one word of explanation?
No.
All I get is garbage, isn't it?
That's all I've ever got from you,
isn't it?
Garbage!
Now, now, Terry.
Don't you now, now, Terry me.
All right, now, now, Mr McCann.
Listen, why don't you just piss off before
I really get the needle?
You are being very unreasonable,
Terry.
I explained everything to Dave.
He told me that he told me...
Yeah, what did he tell you?
Just let me say this to you.
The frosty fate that
you suffered... Arthur.
Listen, I have absolutely no interest
anymore in whatever you've got to say or do.
All right?
All right.
Can I take it you're not interested in
earning 200 sobs for ten minutes of your
valuable time?
Just go away now, will you?
All right.
Hi, Charlie.
Doing all right, are you?
Yeah, yeah.
How are you doing, Arthur?
Well, I'm not wearing
hand-made suits because I'm a
pauper, but otherwise
business as usual, you know.
With or without I had help.
Yeah, well, I was... No, no,
don't be embarrassed about Terry.
He's his own man.
If he wants to start again from the
bottom, that's his prerogative.
How's the junk furniture business going,
by the way?
It's not all junk, Arthur,
you know.
I get hold of the odd bit of cream.
Really?
Can't say I've noticed.
Pity, really, because Irving Dawes has
been hagging me for a couple of nice
chairs to go with a Regency stripe we've
had bunged on a lounge wall.
Listen, I'm going to sh**t off, get
a cup of tea and a sarnie, all right?
Yeah, don't be too long, will you two?
I've got that job to do, all right?
I'll be back in a minute.
All right.
Well, a couple of deals to conclude
before noon.
I'd better be on my way.
Hang on a second, Arthur.
I might have just what you're looking for.
He ain't here, Rowley.
Have you tried his car lock?
No, he's not there.
What about his lock-up?
I've tried it.
Well, if he shows, I'll get him to give
you a bell.
Tell him it's important.
Yeah, yeah, it's important, Rowley.
I still can't believe that Arthur parted
with seven and a half for those chairs.
Genuine antiques, Terry.
He's had a right good deal.
Take my word for it.
How much do they stand you in for?
About a monkey, I suppose.
A beautiful pair of Regency chairs,
Mr Collins.
What?
Yeah, of course I can.
What time?
No, no, no, no, that's no problem.
Right, will do.
Bye.
OK, Arthur?
Yeah, thanks, Terry.
Yeah, what shall I tell Rowley Polly if he
calls again?
Tell him not to worry, I'm working on it.
Look, Terry's given you a blink.
Listen, that ingrate is not the only
muscle on the plot.
I'll think of someone.
OK.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm all right.
Bit club by in here, isn't it?
I'll nip down the stairs then,
all right?
OK, mate.
Well, well, well.
This could be very interesting.
Terry, what's happening?
There's something I've got to tell you.
What are you doing?
You did what?
Well, I was going to tell you,
honest.
I'll do you for this, Charlie,
so help me.
Don't get upset, Terry.
Don't get upset, what are you talking
about?
Just listen to me.
No-one saw us yesterday, Terry,
no-one, I guarantee it.
How do you know that?
You can't possibly know that, can you?
I mean, they could have been looking out
the windows or anything.
No, I was watching.
All the time I was watching.
Well, I would be, wouldn't I?
Yeah, but it don't matter, does it?
I mean, how hard is it for them to check
up with the estate agent and find out
about the c*ck-up with the keys,
I told you, the bird's gone on holiday.
She won't even be about for a fortnight.
All we've got to do is front it out.
What we're doing now is totally legit.
Let them think what they like.
What can they prove?
And what happens if they check the shop?
There's nothing there, is there,
Arthur?
At the last of it.
Good day, madam.
I am Detective Sergeant Rycott.
God.
What, what?
He's only Rycott, isn't he?
Who?
Detective Bleakton Sergeant Rycott.
What, you mean you know him?
Yeah, I know him.
And he knows me and all.
Well, that could be handy.
Can he be straightened?
Yeah, he can be straightened,
but not by you and me, son.
There is nothing he'd like better than to
nick me.
And Arthur, for that matter.
Look, Tom, don't panic.
Don't panic.
I ought to break your bleak neck.
I haven't got any minutes.
Stay calm.
Listen, I'll tell you what.
Look, why don't we just nick out the back
now while he's busy, OK?
Leave off.
What about me van?
It's out the front.
It's a dot on the card.
They've taken the number of it.
Let me do the talking, all right?
Yeah.
Take those pictures off the wall.
Look busy.
Yeah?
Police.
Er, anything I can do for you,
officer?
I understand you're removing furniture
from this flat.
I wonder if you'd mind
if I... Hello, Mr Riker.
I thought I recognised those dulcet tones.
Yeah, this is a clearance shot.
I've been proven.
It's really embarrassing, isn't it?
I mean, if we just stop and have a chat,
can explain it all, can't we?
I shall sue for false arrest, you know.
You are not being arrested.
Well, then what have you done?
You have volunteered to come down to the
station and help us with our enquiries.
Volunteer?
What are you talking about?
Of course.
Now, shut up and get in there.
Hang on a second.
All right, all right.
OK, all right.
Leave it to me?
I'll do the talking.
It'll be all right?
I mean, craftsmanship like this deserves
the proper setting, don't you agree?
I mean, the right ambience.
Which is why I naturally thought of you
and your beautiful new home.
I mean, these are not chairs just for
flopping your weary in.
I mean, these are works of art.
I mean, they're handmade.
How much?
Well, I know what I could get for them.
I stuck them in an auction at Sotheby's.
But, as quick turnover and small profit is
my motto, and as a personal favour to you,
shall we say 1,800 a pair?
Shall we say thank you for your offer and
good day?
You're a hard man to do business with,
Mr Collins.
All right, 1,700 cash and I'll forget the
VAT.
I don't intend to haggle, Mr Daly.
I'll take it.
Don't you mind.
Well, bring them in and I'll write you a
cheque.
Well, anything you're mixed up in
automatically involves Arthur, doesn't it?
I'm not mixed up in anything.
And for your information, I don't graft
with Arthur any more.
That'll be the day.
It is the day.
A week, permanently.
Had a little falling out, have we,
Terry?
Yeah, you could say that, yeah.
I told you, I work with Charlie Polk now.
Since when?
A few days.
So you were with him yesterday,
then?
Yeah.
All day?
Yeah.
Well, no, no, not all day, no.
When, then?
Well, whenever he was in the shop.
When was that?
When was what?
When was he in the shop?
When he wasn't out of it.
What time was he there?
Well, I don't know.
Comes backwards and forwards, doesn't he?
How often?
Look, it's a shop, not a ship.
I don't log in, do I?
And you were there all day?
Yes.
Can you prove it?
Can you prove I wasn't?
Of course.
I intend to, McCann.
I intend to.
The name of the estate agent?
John Rawlings.
Address?
I take it you have no objection if we
search your premises?
No, not at all.
Provided I'm present.
Well, I wouldn't want any fitted furniture
now, would I?
I don't like them.
Don't like them?
No.
How can you not like them, Mrs Collins?
I just don't.
Well, I do.
You might have consulted me first.
You weren't here.
Would it have made any difference if I
were?
Whether you like them or not, they're fine
chairs.
A very good investment in these days of
rampant inflation.
Is that so, Mr Daly?
Don't you mean rampant profiteering?
Nonsense, darling.
They're a bargain.
A steal, Mr Collins.
A steal.
Of course I know Arthur Daly.
But I've never done any business with him.
No, that is not what McCann says.
Really?
I tell you what.
You show me a statement where Terry says
I've done business with Arthur.
Don't get lemon with me, Pope.
Then don't take me for a mug, Sergeant.
My pleasure, Mr Collins.
My pleasure.
And if I should come across
any more articles of the
antique persuasion, you'd
be interested, would you?
Possibly, Mr Daly.
Possibly.
Good, good.
I'll have a word with my mayor and see
what he can do.
I do hope you're not implying that I or
anyone with this agency had anything to do
with this unfortunate robbery,
Sergeant.
Well, not knowingly, Sir,
but... Not in any shape or form.
You said yourself, Sir, that you have keys
to a number of the flats in the building.
Yes.
That's because we've always handled the
entire property for the owners.
And as half the flats are only on
short-term leases.
Well, couldn't there have been a mix-up,
then?
Mix-up?
Well, I mean, perhaps you gave Mr Pope the
keys to nine instead of six, by mistake.
I do not make that kind of mistake.
And correct me if I'm
wrong, but didn't you say Mr
Pope was clearing flat six
when you apprehended him?
Yeah.
Then how in heaven's name did he gain
entry if I didn't give him the right keys?
I don't know how I suffer you,
Mellish.
For a credit.
Sorry, Gav.
I don't believe some of this stuff.
Do people actually buy it?
Yeah.
As a matter of fact, we get a lot of
ex-coppers in.
Wanting to furnish their retirement homes.
Keep it up, Pope.
Keep it up.
You can't hang about here, mate.
Go on, back in the car and go,
now.
Get out of here.
Rikers in there, turning the place over,
looking for bent gear.
So, what's that got to do with me?
The chairs that you bought off Charlie are
OK.
Oi!
You know nothing, and he knows me better,
Ruff.
Well, well.
Well, well, Mr. Eicott.
Fancy meeting you here.
You, er, keeping well?
Very well, Arthur.
Well.
It's, er...
What might you be doing here?
Wasted journey.
Came round to have a word with him.
Yeah, well, you've had your word on your
bike.
Yeah, all right, all right.
We're finished, I told you that.
Yeah, all right, all right.
Bloody ingrate.
Try and help people, keep them on the
straight and narrow.
What do you get?
Knife between the blades.
And there's another one.
Just because I'm out of
town for a little while on
business, sneaks behind me
back and nicks me lab our force.
I'm not your bleeding lab our force.
I'm not interested in your petty
squabbles.
And what is more, my
unerring instinct, my infallible
instinct, tells me it's
all a load of cobblers.
Gross is what I call it, gross.
You've both taken flagrant
and outrageous liberties
putting me on offer
with Rycott like this.
I hope he's talking about taking bleeding
liberties?
I do not jeopardise
my friends' freedom by
deceiving them into
buying awky merchandise.
Not you, Arthur.
No, I suppose you're on their side.
The way I see it, Arthur, we've got no
choice but to all be on the same side.
Yeah, and it seems to me that I'm the only
one who gets zilch out of this,
and I'm the only one who's gonna get their
collar fell.
And it seems to me you three are in abuse
at each other, ain't gonna solve nothing.
The thing is, what are you gonna do to
sort it?
Well, why should I do anything?
I didn't plunder no flat, they did.
What's all this, they?
He did.
Ignorance is no excuse where the law's
concerned, Terry.
As your solicitor will be quick to
point out to you when... When?
When what?
When you're beside me in the dock for
receiving and selling stolen furniture?
I don't think that is likely to happen.
Not unless you're planning to add grass
ink to your list of credits.
I'm a grass now, am I?
Well, you would be, wouldn't you?
I would be, what?
k*ll it, Joe, k*ll it.
That was out of order.
All right, all right, I'm sorry,
I'll take it back.
All right, we may be having our little
differences at the moment.
I know you wouldn't put me up to plod.
Thank you very much.
But you are getting far too emotional
these days, Terry, far too emotional.
Emotional, me?
What are you talking about?
Come on, you two, calm down.
Dave's right, blaming each other ain't
gonna cure any headaches we might get.
Yeah, all right.
Anyway, I can't see what all the hassle's
about.
The way I see it, this
Rycott's gonna have to
get more than lucky to
prove anything against us.
I don't know about that.
He can be a tenacious basket once he
thinks he's on to something.
That's so true.
Do you mind if I make a suggestion?
Please, you're the only one with any
sense around here.
Well, it seems to me it shouldn't be too
difficult to reclaim that gear and return
it to the Byrds' flat.
No.
On the cue, too.
Leave off.
Hold on, he might be right.
What would be the point?
Well, the point is that you
can't be nicked for theft if
the goods are in the
possession of the rightful owner.
What about if it comes on top while we're
returning it?
Well, the worst they can
do you for is depriving the
rightful owner of her goods
for a short period of time.
Now, that's a misdemeanor.
A fine at the worst.
And that is theft.
And that means Byrd for any one of you
three.
I think he's right.
He's not right.
Well, I say he is.
What do you say, Charlie?
I don't know, Tom.
But, well, as soon
as it's down to me for
putting you in it, sort
of, I'll give it a whirl.
Now, listen, this mate of yours you knocked
the gear out to, will he give it back?
Yeah.
He knows it's OK, so he normally sticks it
away for a bit before he gets rid of it.
Yeah, well, my man won't be quite so
accommodating.
He's embarrassingly straight.
Well, there's even more
reason to aim the chairs
once he knows they're
crooked, isn't there?
Look, when I say straight, Terry,
I mean as in over scrupulous.
No, no, no.
He'd be straight on a trumpet to plod.
Well, you'll have to think of something
else then, won't you?
Won't you?
Defective?
Yes, I found it out from
a man who sold them to
a man who sold them to a
man who sold them to me.
Then he's wrong.
Those chairs are in perfect condition.
Well, it's something to do with the worm
in the wickerwork.
Look, Mr. Daly, I'm not interested in
selling those chairs back to you,
and even otherwise I certainly wouldn't
pay the price I paid.
They're worth at least £500 more than
that.
£500?
I don't want to seem rude, Mr. Daly,
but I am in rather a hurry.
Goodbye.
Two grand?
At least.
I let you have them for practically
nothing then, didn't I?
Yeah, because you knew they were nicked
and I didn't.
And how much did you knock them out to him
for then?
Well, that is immaterial, Terrence.
I don't think so.
How much?
You don't want me to get moody,
do you?
Well, as a matter of fact, £1,500.
£1,500?
But that doesn't alter
the fact that the man
refuses point-blank to
sell them back to me.
Well, we've got to think of something
else.
Well, come on, what?
Who knows?
Yeah, and what about his missus?
What about her?
Well, you mentioned the fact that she
didn't like the chairs.
Yeah.
So how about if Terry tries to get into
her?
Do what?
Get into her.
You are talking about a woman whose
husband I do business with.
What's that got to do with it?
With Terry's natural talent for chatting
up the ladies?
He could go over there...
What are you talking about?
What am I, some kind of bleeding gigolo or
something?
There's this bird who I've never even
seen.
I'm supposed to give her a good seeing-to,
then say, for the use of my body,
I claim two grand's worth of antique
chairs?
Well?
What are you, radio rental?
Yeah, it's very distasteful.
Very distasteful indeed, Terry.
In spite of the fact that
she is a very attractive lady,
who I'm sure would not be
averse to a bit of rough trade.
I tell you what, why don't you give her
one then?
I said rough.
Yeah, if you've got a memory.
Don't think I couldn't.
Come on.
Don't start all this again.
Listen, I think I've got an idea
how we're going to get those
chairs back without any of
us putting our faces on offer.
Come on.
Bill and Ben, the corner men.
The what?
A couple of pals of mine, dynamite con
artists.
They'll want a nice drink, mind.
How much?
Two hundred.
Each?
That's a bit strong, isn't it?
It comes out of the honour we had on the
chairs anyway.
That's right.
And for staying out of the shovel,
it's cheaper off the price, isn't it?
And a half is what we want it from.
So come on, one of you, pay the man.
I'll hold him.
You'll have to oblige, either.
I'll weigh in with the other half when
Bill and Ben deliver.
In fact, there's no doubt about it,
madam.
These are the chairs, all right.
But that's ridiculous.
They can't be stolen.
My husband would never buy...
I mean, he bought these chairs in good
faith from Mr. Daly.
I was here at the time.
Mr. Daly, madam?
Yes, he's a business acquaintance of my
husband.
But surely if you knew the chairs were
here...
We're acting on information received
anonymously, madam.
But we'd certainly like to interview this
Mr. Daly.
Do you know where we can get in touch with
him?
I've got his business card somewhere in my
bag, I think.
Yes, there.
How well do you know this Mr. Daly?
Hardly at all.
My husband's bought a couple of cars from
him.
But I can hardly believe that he would
knowingly sell my husband's stolen property.
I mean... You may
be right, madam.
He could have been duped.
But we're still going to have to check it
out.
In the meantime, I'm afraid we're going to
have to take these chairs with us.
Take the chairs with you?
Don't worry, madam.
We'll give you a receipt.
Thanks, chaps.
Well appreciated.
She didn't half go on about Arthur a bit.
So we get a bit of egg.
They'll have a job to prove anything now,
won't they?
You all right, then?
Yeah, no problem.
Cheers, chaps.
Pleasure.
Love it, don't we?
Any time.
Arthur?
Arthur.
What, now?
Now.
But why?
Because, Arthur, it's the same time of day
as when we top the gear.
So there's a good chance no one will be
there.
Look, can't you two do it?
I can't do any ugly, you know.
I've got this bag.
Look, you just keep watch while we do the
umping.
My God, I just remembered.
I've got an appointment with my
choreographer.
Shut up.
I've got these dodgy plates.
If we have to have it on our toes,
I'll be a terrible handicap to you.
Good God, Abigail.
How could you have been so bloody naive?
But they were so convincing.
They even showed me their identification
cards.
You heard who I was talking to just then?
That was the local chief inspector.
And he knows nothing about any
investigation into stolen antique chairs.
or even less about your two bogus
policemen.
I'm sorry, I... Well,
it's a bit late for that.
I suppose you didn't.
Get your coat.
We've got to go down to the police
station.
What for?
They want us to make a statement...
and to give them any details that might be
of help.
No!
We've got to get in, haven't we?
But it'll damage the noise.
Can't you Lloyd it or something?
Stupid, you can't Lloyd or Malt this,
can you?
Of course you can't.
Come on, hurry up.
There you are, Gav.
Yes, Mellish, here I am.
What is it?
An Inspector Williams of Wimbledon CID has
been on the phone...
making inquiries about Arthur Daly.
And?
I told him I'd get you to phone him back.
Well, did he say what it's in connection
with?
I think you're going to love this,
Gav.
Come on, for God's sake.
I hate working in the field.
You couldn't help, I suppose, could you?
I've done my knees.
Just open the door.
Did Daly tell you where he obtained these
chairs?
Well, no.
And you never thought to ask?
Well, why on earth should I?
Sergeant, if you buy
something from someone you
have no reason to
suspect isn't reputable...
it's hardly customary to ask them how they
acquired their stock, is it?
Why do you think he wanted to buy the
chairs back off you, sir?
Well, I imagine it's
because he realised
that they were more
valuable than he thought.
Yes.
And when you refuse to sell them back to
him...
he gets the bright idea
to employ a couple of con
artists who come down
here and deceive your wife...
into parting with them for nothing.
Come on, for God's sake.
You brought the stuff back.
You don't have to polish it as well.
Don't be such a dummy, Arthur.
What do you want us to do, leave our
fingerprints all over the place?
My God.
Have you done the chairs?
Yeah.
We've got that slippery old sod banged to
rights this time, Mellish.
That I'll believe when I see it.
You know, I sometimes get an uneasy feeling
you actually like Arthur bloody Daly.
Well, life wouldn't be quite the same
without Arthur on the manor, would it, Gav?
Are you quite sure you're cut out to be a
police officer, Mellish?
Hey, Tell.
You sure you don't want to stay grafting
with me?
Thanks, but no thanks.
No, I've had enough first-hand experience
of the second-hand game.
Yeah, too right he has.
He's back on the firm with me where he can
be protected against lunatics like you.
Nothing personal.
Arthur, you're dynamite.
No hard feelings, Tell.
See you around.
Yeah, go on.
On your bike.
And Arthur, don't forget to get your
story right for when Rycock gives you a tug.
When Rycock gives me a tug?
What's he talking about?
Well, you don't have to be a limestone to
work it out, do you?
And pre-warned is pre-armed, as we say.
Pre-pre-pre... I'm not with you.
You will be, son.
You will be.
Don't sit there giving me that stupid,
innocent routine, Arthur.
Do I look like a complete idiot?
No, not a complete one.
I mean, the point is, I do not understand
your reasoning in this matter.
I mean, yes, I did sell Mr. Collins a pair
of tatty old antique chairs.
Tatty?
Who said anything about tatty?
Well, the ones I sold him certainly were.
I mean, Terry will verify that,
won't you?
Yeah, they were definitely a bit
soapy, yeah.
How would you know?
You weren't there when he sold them.
I'd seen them before, hadn't I?
Yeah?
Where?
In Arthur's lock-up.
They've been hanging around for ages,
haven't they?
Yeah, definitely.
I mean, I've had them so long, I can't
even remember where they came from.
A job load of rubbish I bought in,
I suppose.
Rubbish?
Rubbish!
You sold them to Collins for 1,500 pounds!
Yeah, he can verify that for you.
He already has, Arthur.
How the hell do you think I know?
And did he tell you what a good deal he
got?
Good deal.
And how I'd actually
try to buy them back from
him once I found out
what their true value was.
Did he tell you that at all?
Of course he bloody did.
That is why you are
sitting here now, on the
point of being charged
with stealing them.
Stealing them?
Stealing what, Mr Reichelt?
Stealing the pair of Regency chairs,
which just happened to be identical to a
pair almost certainly stolen by Pope and
you, McCann.
Hold on, hold on.
Look, I do hope, with all due respect,
Mr Reichelt, you've got more than just
your own suspicions to back up this load
of old cod's wallop.
And I must in all conscience, Mr Reichelt,
support Terry in his doubts about the
positive nature of the
evidence you are holding,
lest we err into the
area of litigation.
And that could be very tacky.
Very tacky indeed.
Sorry to interrupt, sir, but there's a
phone call.
And Miss Turner says it's very important.
All right.
I will be back.
He seems a bit upset.
He's got an empty tummy or something.
Or a bit of domestic trouble.
Something like that, Arthur.
I put it down to the terrible hours you
lads have to work to get a crust.
Don't you, Terry?
Yeah.
Well, it's a thin blue line, isn't it?
Isn't it?
I mean, stretched to breaking point out
there they are, you know.
All to hold back the growing forces of
villainy.
Very good indeed.
It weren't bad, was it?
No.
You're not listening to me, Sergeant.
I told you I've been broken into,
not robbed.
On the contrary.
What do you mean your furniture's back?
It can't be back.
Are you calling me a liar, Sergeant?
No, no, I'm sorry.
Are you sure?
I mean... Of course I'm sure.
Does that include the pair of Regency
chairs?
Yes, yes, I told you.
Everything's been returned.
They are the same chairs that were stolen
from Miss Turner's flat.
You know that.
Pope knows it.
I know it.
We all bloody know it.
Please, Mr. Rycon, you're embarrassing us.
Where's your dignity?
I mean, think what this unseemly display
of emotion might do for discipline.
Come, Terrence, we have work to do.
I'll have you, Daly!
One of these days, I'll have you!
And you, McCann!
Come on then, work?
What work?
You know, that job I told you about for
Roly-Poly Peter.
Fifty sobs for ten minutes of your time.
Fifty?
No, hold on, you said two hundred.
No, no, that was when you were a market
leader and lab our was thin on the ground.
You see, Terry, it's all a question of
supply and demand.
Don't start with that again.
You must realise how many people there are
available to do a job like this.
I mean, there's three million unemployed.
Roly, how could you?
I thought you said you'd given up being
hard case, you'd gone respectable.
To be respectable, you've got to be
respected, Arthur.
Ain't that right, Terry?
Yeah, that's right, Roly.
It looks like you haven't forgotten how to
get it, either.
Yeah, well, I got tired of waiting for
Arthur to turn up with you, so I done them
calling from behind, just as they come
through the door.
Yeah, but we had a verbal contract.
A fee had been agreed.
I think a little honourable compensation
is in order.
Turn in?
You ain't done nothing.
That's right, Roly, don't need our help
anymore.
I mean, these aren't going to give them
any more hag, are they?
They'll work.
Well, they're breathing, yeah.
Do you want to hand getting them down the
stairs?
Yeah, for a small fee, of course.
Mr. Collins, how nice to see you.
I suppose you've come about that
unfortunate misunderstanding over the chairs.
Yeah, something like that.
I can't tell you how shocked I was when
Mr. Rycott told me what had happened.
I really, I don't know what to say.
Please don't bother, Mr. Daly.
I also had a chat with Sergeant Rycott,
who gave me some very sensible advice.
This is the cheque for my wife's car.
You've already given me one.
No, I phoned the bank and stopped
payment on that one.
You'll notice that cheque's for 2,000
pounds less.
What you might call criminal compensation.
Good day, Mr. Daly.
Arthur, put it there, mate.
Come on, come on.
It's really good to be back on the firm.
It's nice of you to say that,
Terrence.
Listen, would you teach me how to be a
winner like you?
If
You want to, I'll change the situation
Right people, right time, just the wrong
location
Good idea Just you keep me near,
I'll be so good for you I could be so good
for you I'm gonna help you I'll do
anything for you I'll be so good for you
I'll do it like you
want me to There ain't
nothing I can't go through
I'll be so good for you
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