Hang about, this is the wrong colour,
it's supposed to be white.
This old consignment will have to be
dispatched back to Mr Sharma.
Yeah, well, you take them back.
Now, be reasonable.
I mean, who in their right mind is going
to order 250 litres of brilliant tangerine?
No, no, he's got his delivery notes mixed
up.
There's no mix-up.
Sharma told me to unload it or dump it.
Either way makes no difference.
I mean, you've paid for it, haven't you?
This is a breach of government
regulations.
Then write to your MP.
Look, I shall be in touch
with Mr Sharma and I shall
tell him he's got a very
uncooperative delivery man.
Piss off!
You wouldn't say that if my employee was
here.
Hello, mate.
Sure.
Hello, mate.
Why aren't you here when I need you?
Well, like all the time, you're...
Pushed around by the overgrown delivery
boy.
No one here to protect me until they've
done me up like a kipper.
Don't tell me you've been taken for a ride
again.
Look, what is the point of having a trades
description act?
When they can palm you off with brilliant
tangerine when you want white?
I don't know what you're going on about.
Well, it's only a few tins of paint, isn't it?
It's hardly the Wall Street crash.
No, it's not that.
It's all the other things.
I'm beginning to feel like the proverbial
Coler Bear.
Up a gum tree.
I mean, what with my money man being put
away.
I mean, that was the beauty of this deal,
you see.
It was in the front door, out the back,
with a nice little markup for yours truly.
Yeah, but, don't it might just be a
mix-up?
Terry.
No matter how I try and
teach you by example,
you've still got this quality of naivety.
It's not a mix-up.
It's a stitch-up.
Well, Sharma the Glass is going to find
out that no one turns Arthur Daly over.
Mr. Daly.
How nice it is to see you.
I'm sorry, Mr. Sharma.
I have no time for pleasantries after what
has happened.
Please, you are a guest in my house.
You will sit in my chair.
Chair?
No, no.
I'm not yet a sample.
You're up Ulstree.
You and me have got to sort out a mix-up
over delivery notes.
My driver has delivered the wrong goods?
Well, I would call 250 litres of brilliant
tangerine.
I've seen that.
Which bears no resemblance to white
whatever language you speak.
Now, I'm sure this can all be sorted out
amicably.
You take the cans
back, give me the white,
or return my payment,
and we'll all be happy.
This is most unfortunate.
I will have very strong words with my
supplier about this.
Told you Mr. Sharma was a reasonable man,
didn't I?
Your very words are for you.
If only we could remedy the error.
But what has been done has been done.
Er, this is, er, our destiny.
Yeah, we know it's been done, Mr. Sharma.
The point is, we undo it.
But this is not possible.
Just a minute.
Do I perceive you correctly?
Are you refusing to honour a transaction?
I am honouring our transaction.
It is you who is not, Mr. Daly.
You will remember I had said my supplier
can be erratic.
And you had agreed to accept the payment,
even though you might not get white.
Yeah, but I didn't think I was going to
get brilliant tangerine, did I?
Look, I don't wish to be forceful with a
respected member of the
community like yourself.
But if I do not get my money, my employee
here will have to take action.
Mr. Daly, it pleaves me that you
should feel this way.
You agree with my pocket a lot more if I
didn't.
Terry, we're going to apprehend goods to
the value of...
which is in line with British legal
recourse, I hasten to add.
And if anyone tries to stop us,
my terrier will do the necessary.
Er, have you met my sons, Mr. Daly?
No, my pleasure entirely.
I thought smoking was against your...
Ooh.
Firstly whistling up the cavalry.
Er, no, no.
No, no, no, Terry, no, no.
Well, these misunderstandings happen,
Mr. Sharma.
What can we do about it?
I don't have to tell a man of your
ancestry all about kismet, do I?
Well, we'll... we'll be on our way now.
Big boys you had, didn't you?
Memsah, the big lady,
was she... Just get out.
I'm sorry that our transaction has come to
this, Mr. Daly.
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry.
I'm in your debt, Mr. Daly.
Come and see me any time you need my help.
My chair will always be here for you to
rest on.
I'll try and remember that.
Bye-bye.
Why didn't you do something?
God, dear, what could I do?
Yeah, that's a good question.
What could you do?
Tell you what, I could get rid of some of
that paint for you.
Yeah?
Where?
I'll have a can.
Yeah, that tangerine look all right in the
bedroom.
Tom, only 249 to go.
Well, had a deep, deep for them, Chell.
I'll have to dig even deeper now, won't I?
That's real perspective, isn't it?
Well, you listen.
Shush, shush.
Don't shush me.
I'm talking.
You shush.
Shush, shush, shush, shush.
Terry, what you're looking at here is a
very worried man.
That makes both of us.
Listen, I need that score you owe me.
I'm a bit short.
If you're a bit short, I'm a dwarf.
Look, this can't go on.
All these people earn me money,
and I'm thoracic.
Well, don't look at me.
I'm the one who's owed.
I mean, I know my reputation is one for
benevolence, but there are limits.
And my trading sheet tells me I've got to
stop tiding people over.
Come on, drink up.
We've got to go.
I've only just got here.
I can't afford to hang around, Terry.
The ship is sinking.
The ship is sinking fast.
I thought the captain was supposed to go
down with the ship.
No, only after the rats have left.
It's cause and effect, isn't it?
The laws of the economical jungle.
See, if I hadn't been turned
over, I wouldn't have to call
in Jimmy Elliot's cash on his
higher purchase agreement.
Where are you going?
It's up there, isn't it?
No, I'm not using a tradesman's entrance.
Come on.
Look, I'm trying to explain to you about
cash flow.
Yeah, I could do with some of that.
Well, when I get paid, you'll get paid.
That is called the employer-employee
relationship.
And what's it called?
If I turn you upside down and shake all
the money out of your pockets?
Grievous bodily harm.
I've always wanted a piano.
Can you get me one?
No.
What's Hypnotist doing here?
Not exactly Harley Street, is it?
I thought they were all on the stage.
No, this one's on the second floor.
You ought to pack up smoking, you know.
Yeah.
I'm risked dying of anxiety.
Jim.
Hello, Joe.
Come and have a drink.
Yeah, all right.
Just another one.
But be on your toes, because Arthur's
right behind me.
Christ.
You all right, Arthur?
Yeah.
In the pink.
Look, Arthur, I haven't got a pot,
so you may as well bugger off.
Come on.
Draw a picture.
Well, I'm sorry to hear about your
domestic and financial problems, Jimmy.
Yeah.
I know.
Your heart bleeds.
You still afford to drink, though?
Yeah.
Well, I can't afford to drink.
Not too, can I?
Is she still in the area?
Yeah, she's sacked up with some fish
porter.
Tell you what, she's got a right hiding
coming to her if I get my hands on her.
Well, it gives me no
pleasure to confront you
at a time of a deep and
personal crisis, Jimmy.
But it's a question of coming up with the
readies.
I ain't got any, Arthur.
Well, then you leave me no alternative.
No payment, I must repossess the van.
There's nothing else I can do.
All our backs are having intimate
relations with the wall.
It's a sign of the times.
Government's lost its way.
It's a question of your money or your van.
We can't have either of them.
I beg your pardon?
I've sold the van, haven't I?
You've sold my property?
That is ill*gal.
Yeah, well, I had to, didn't I?
I had to get some money to feed the kids
and pay the bills.
Yeah, but wait a minute.
That's against the law.
I don't have the law on you.
Arthur, there's no need to shout,
is there?
Which side are you on?
It doesn't matter which side I'm on.
There's just no need to keep on in front
of the kids.
Look, I'll pay you back, Arthur,
as soon as I get on me feet.
We're going to come up lucky on the pools,
aren't we, Bobby?
I don't think so.
I don't think we live in the same world,
Jimmy.
Do you know what the odds are against coming
up on the pools when your luck is out?
They don't bear thinking about it.
I want payment, not promises.
Well, I ain't got nothing to give you,
Arthur.
Well, what about this business?
This must be worth something to someone.
It is a going concern, I assume.
Well, it was.
Well, realise your assets.
Pay me back after that.
You realise them, Arthur.
I've got other things to do.
Your first responsibility is to your
creditors.
No.
My first responsibility is to get these
kids some dinner.
Yeah, that's right.
Come on.
I'll give you a hand with them downstairs.
Cheers, Joe.
Come on.
I'll help you.
I'm about to take you over, Jimmy.
Yeah, you do get it, Arthur.
Every night could be steamed cleanly to
date the more of the world?
So, who do you think is the best
footballer in the world, then?
You?
Do you hear that?
He only reckons he's the best footballer
in the world.
What about Maradona and all the others?
Well, they're foreign, of course,
aren't they?
Cheers, Phil.
Here you go.
Ta-ra, Curly.
See you later.
Big smile in?
Yeah, well, you got her, ain't ya?
Maybe that'll bang your head up against
the wall.
See you later, Phil.
Bye.
Bye.
I'm not the supplementary benefit officer,
you know.
If he owes, he pays.
All right, don't go on.
There must be opportunities for steam
cleaning.
Maybe I should exploit the situation.
That's all you read about in the financial
press these days.
What is?
Diversification.
Well, it'd do with a good clean-up,
couldn't it?
No, no, no, Terry.
That is all superfluous.
It is the soul of a business
that matters, that certain
something, that little spark
that can bring it all alive again.
I think that can smell something.
Yeah?
The whole thing is cats.
It was making a good living.
It just needed organising.
It needs to bring someone in with business
acumen, you know, flair, expertise,
managerial input.
You got anyone in mind, have you?
Stay droll.
Look, look, look.
I found Big Bertha.
Yeah.
How's it work?
How do I know?
Well, it should be easy enough to find
out.
Hey, Terry, think of the possibilities.
They must be limitless.
Houses, shops, offices.
I mean, anyone who's got a carpet and
we're in it.
And everybody's got carpets.
Here, look.
What?
The operating manual.
Hey, listen.
I'll have to change the name, love.
Hey, what about this?
Daily Elp Cleaners.
Is that what you're going to take them to,
isn't it?
No, no.
Do you get it?
Do you get it?
Daily Elp.
D-A-L-E-Y.
Not D-A-I-L-Y.
I get it.
I get it.
The customers.
Tell them to go round the front.
Go round the front, mate.
It's not a fire, is it?
I don't know.
What's that?
Oi, oi.
What's that?
Quickly.
They're after us.
I'm sorry.
We cannot have private frat glasses
spilling over into our commercial premises.
I'm sorry.
Don't let them get me.
Who?
Please.
Please help us to escape.
I'm a doctor.
Please.
They're violent.
Who are?
Your brothers.
What are you talking about?
My God.
Hey!
Come on.
Hurry.
Hurry.
Come on.
Come on.
Don't panic.
They might get through the window.
Go on.
Give us the keys.
I'll go and get the motor.
Hurry up, for God's sake.
All right.
I'm sorry about this.
I should think so, too.
It's her brothers.
Yeah, of course it is.
They're against our relationship.
What?
In these enlightening times?
Are we home?
You're not underage, are you?
I'm 18.
I will be at the end of the week.
And today we're getting engaged.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you.
We're going round there when we're 18 to
tell them.
Except for they're trying to stop me being
It's a bit difficult with a growing girl
like you, isn't it?
It's a very complicated story.
In the back.
Tell me in the car.
Look, it's only for a few days.
Anything else?
We'll be paying your wages.
I'm still owed wages from me last job.
How many times do I
have to tell her we cannot
have outgoings till we've got incomings?
And this happens to be an incoming.
In fact, it's the only incoming we've got.
So just grit your teeth and bear it.
It's only for a few days.
No problem, is there?
No, no, no.
Not at all.
Not at all.
My Terry will look after your girl till
she comes of age.
Thank you.
If you wouldn't mind staying with Rita,
I must get back to my consulting room.
Yeah, all right.
I'll give you a lift.
Here we are.
I'll pick you up later, all right?
Yeah, but don't go out of your way,
No, no, no.
No trouble.
Just in a laconic way.
Daily Help.
Spelled D-A-L-E-Y.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know that's not how you spell it,
but that is what I want.
Yeah.
And we'll have that across the top in bold
print.
Yeah.
And underneath, for all your steam
cleaning requirements.
Commercial, industrial, and residential.
Yeah.
Estimates cheap.
No, no, no, no, no.
On second thought, let's make that
estimates free.
OK.
How long they been after you then?
Well, it started last month when I left
home to live with Walter, Dr. Sudbury.
They haven't got your address then?
No, they'd get me if they did.
It's a funny way for them to take it,
isn't it?
I mean, it's a bit extreme.
They think they're doing it for my benefit.
Well, kidnapping you.
Well, they think he's just after my money.
But it's not like that.
We're in love.
I know we haven't known each other
long.
And I know he's older than me.
But we're sort of devoted, you know?
And he's not interested in the money at
all.
What money is this?
Well, it was in me dad's will.
They think he got the money from thieving.
But I don't believe that.
I reckon he won it somewhere where he was
always gambling.
And you're in for some of that, are you?
Yeah, on me 18th.
I'll get me first 25,000.
But Walter's not interested in it.
He's told me.
You can understand that, can't you?
Of course I can, yeah.
I mean, money isn't everything, is it?
That's what Walter says.
I bet he does, yeah.
What sort of things do you treat people
for, Doc?
Anything which can be helped by hypnosis.
Dieting, phobias, anxieties, allergies,
smoking.
What do you do?
You swing a watch in front of them and
make their eyes go all funny?
No, nothing like that.
I just talk in a comforting voice.
But I don't just treat illness, you know.
I also help people improve themselves in
sport, business, that sort of thing.
Set yourself down.
I'll show you.
No, no, no.
Count me out on this one, Doc.
I insist.
You've helped me, so I'll help you.
No, no, no.
I've always had this fear of hypnotics
ever since I saw The Bride of Voodoo.
You just relax.
I'll explain to you.
And you'll see there's nothing to worry
about.
All we do in hypnosis
is to suggest positive
ideas when the mind
is in a receptive state.
And that state's the same as what you feel
when you're dozing.
All I do is help you reach your
consciousness continuum.
That's the point where the mind is open to
suggestion.
That's fascinating.
Is that a time rule?
Mr. Daly, please relax.
I'm a doctor.
You're safe in my hands.
There's my certificate.
Yeah.
It's hereby admitted.
Doctor of Medicine.
Global University of Human Potential.
I don't think I ever... I
hope that reassures you.
I didn't have any doubts about your
medical qualifications, Doc.
And don't doubt my power to be able to
help you.
I can make you more successful in your
business.
More dynamic.
Your profits will increase by tenfold.
As much as that.
Don't just take my word for it.
Look at the most successful executives
today.
And what very few people know is...
they've all been hypnotized.
Tiny Rowlands.
Rupert Murdoch.
Norman Tebbit.
Norman Tebbit.
I could help you become Businessman of the
Year.
Will it hurt?
You won't feel a thing.
Come and sit on the couch.
Of course, we'll offset my fees against
your fees for Terry.
Well, no, no, I'm not sure about that.
We'll negotiate it later, shall we?
You just lie back...
and relax.
Relax.
Now, I want you to tell me what you're
most preoccupied with at the moment.
Pain.
What kind of pain?
No, not pain.
Pain-ter.
Pot's a pain-ter.
I see.
Why is that?
Well, because I've been lumbered with
$250,000.
$250,000 of it.
Okay, now listen to me.
Close your eyes...
and listen to my voice.
Both your eyes.
Now, I want you to think about paint.
A warehouse full of paint.
There's a buyer with you.
Every can of paint you have, he wants.
And at a price that will give you a 500%
profit.
He tells you he'll take another lorry load.
More if you can get it.
You telephone your supplier.
Your supplier tells you he can give you
all that you need.
Your buyer says he will take all you can
get.
It's a never-ending circle.
A 500% marker that will last forever.
Listen to me now.
Sleeve.
Sleeve.
Dirty habit.
Not dirty.
You don't believe it's good for you,
do you?
No.
Of course it isn't.
You should give it up.
Can't.
You can.
Would you like me to help you?
Er...
Listen to me.
Every cigar you light...
will taste like burning rubber.
Do you understand?
Yeah.
Every cigar will taste and smell like
burning rubber.
Burning rubber.
Good.
Listen to me.
From now on, you will be more positive in
your work.
You will get more jobs, make more money...
because you are positive and you have
energy.
Positive energy.
You are a positive businessman,
a successful businessman.
You will buy wine.
You will sell wisely, sell shrewdly...
and always be on the lookout for the next
transaction.
Yes.
You are full of confidence.
You can do it.
You can succeed.
I can.
Good.
Now, when I wake you up... you won't
remember what we've talked about...
but it will stay in your
subconscious... helping you all the time.
Wake up, Arthur.
What's that sound?
Something about paint.
Yeah.
Hang on.
I know.
We'll get rid of a few cans.
Look, I'm sorry, Doc.
But you know about business.
You know we can't waste time.
We are positive, energetic businessmen.
We've got to crack on.
Yes.
Do you have a cigar?
Well, never mind.
See you, Doc.
Hey, Oscar.
I sent you a pen.
It's all right.
Are you all right, Arthur?
Yeah, yeah.
Fine, Dave.
Fine.
Just thinking, you know.
Old cogs whirring round.
Yeah, yeah.
I could hear them.
No, I was just cogitating on the
surroundings.
What's that with them?
Nothing.
Nothing, nothing structural.
You know, it's just surface problems.
Surface problems.
No, no, don't get me wrong, Dave.
I mean, there's nothing a good lick of
paint wouldn't put right.
How many years is it since you had it
done?
Are you casting aspersions on my
decorations?
No, no.
Aspersions don't come into it, Dave.
I'm just saying it could do with a good
spruce up.
Well, it looks quite all right to me.
I tell you what will go well in here.
It will blend in with the surroundings.
Brilliant tangerines.
What?
Yeah, give it a Regency flavour,
you know.
Neo-Georgian.
Yeah, I get it.
And you just happen to be in a position to
sell me some.
I know that you are, but I'm not in the
market for paint.
Especially brilliant tangerines.
Yeah, why don't you try the Satsuma
marketing board?
What about your carpets?
Well, what about them?
Could do with a steam clean, couldn't
they?
Arthur, the only thing around here that
could do with a steam clean...
is that blooming hole out of yours.
Dave, you smell something.
Like burning rubber.
No, but I'm also not in the market for an
air purifier.
Dave, smell that.
What's that smell, then?
A cigar.
Doesn't it smell like a burnt tyre?
I just don't matter whether you are,
for it smells perfectly all right to me.
Yeah, it's going all right.
Yeah, I see it stays that way.
I like to keep in with them.
I can see a nice little urn out there.
Yeah, they're soaking water, I reckon.
You're mean, don't you?
Never seen such a little gold digger.
See, you've got it wrong, haven't you?
It's the other way round.
Terry, you're talking about a girl from
the high-rise flats and a doctor.
Who's going to have the money?
She is.
I'll tell you about it later.
They'll be wondering where I am.
Listen, listen, about that paint.
I'll be very happy for you to have a cup
of that.
A couple of cans on account.
On account of what?
Your wages.
My wages?
Yeah.
That's very generous of you, Arthur,
but the only thing is I've changed my mind.
Why?
Well, I don't fancy that tangerine.
It might peel.
It's my birthday tomorrow.
Happy birthday.
Thanks.
You'll be there, won't you?
Where?
When I see my mum tomorrow.
You know, sort things out.
And there might be trouble.
Yeah, all right, yeah.
How long have you worked here?
Two years.
Only a couple of months.
How long's Sabri been here?
I think it's about two years.
Not exactly rust off his feet, is he?
Yeah, he's a bit slow at the moment.
He'll pick up, though.
You see, a lot of people are suspicious of
hypnosis, aren't they?
Yeah, well, I wouldn't have anything to do
with it.
That's what I mean.
They've all got funny ideas about it.
Well, it's not helped by
there being some right
dodgy types calling
themselves hypnotists.
Are there?
Yeah.
There's plenty of sharks about.
Anyone can set themselves up.
Don't even need training.
But he's trained, though, isn't he?
Yeah.
He's a fully qualified hypnotist.
Is he?
No, no, no.
Forget about the colour.
Just say gloss paint.
Lower than trade prices.
Same phone number, yeah?
And we'll take it for six days.
All right?
Thank you very much, my dear.
Bye-bye.
Daily help?
Cleaning services?
Can I assist?
Madam, that might be a little bit
difficult, Mundy.
Would you just hold on while I have a look
at the work diary?
We might be able to squeeze you in at nine
o'clock, madam.
How would that do?
Right?
And the address?
Yes, I've got that.
My operative will be with you at nine on
the dot, madam.
Thank you.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Take it away, then.
Behave yourself.
It's all right, love.
I've got him!
I've got him!
Will you mind carrying the box for this?
I'm blowing you.
You might as well go.
I'd k*ll him!
Behave yourself.
Ma'am, I think we had better have a little
chat.
Where the bloody hell are you, then?
Yeah.
Well, they would be coming to see me
tomorrow.
It's her 18th.
Yeah, she's told me all about it.
Yeah.
She's told you nothing, boy.
She hasn't told you he's hypnotised her,
has she?
She only went to see him
to lose weight, and once he
got into her mind, he kept
her on a piece of string.
I mean, she does anything he says.
She can't help it, see.
Brainwashed.
Nah, she seems all right to me.
Well, of course she does.
It's how that wicked Barton works, innit?
I bet you think he's a doctor, don't you?
Yeah, that's what he said he was.
Yeah, well, I could call myself the Queen
of Sheba.
You know what he worked at two years ago?
Sold insurance, didn't he?
Door to door.
Walker.
I've made inquiries.
All I want to do is get her back home and
try and get her sorted out.
That's all.
Well, you're gonna see her tomorrow.
You can have a talk then, can't you?
It's no good, is it?
I mean, tomorrow they're gonna ask for the
money.
She's got to leave a right to it then,
hasn't she?
But if I could see her today, try and talk
to her, I'd give her some sense into her.
Look, I can't give you the address.
It wouldn't be right.
What's right?
Him taking the money and then slinging his
ilk, is that right?
Yeah, well, I'll be there tomorrow.
Maybe I can help.
You're too late, boy.
He's just after her money.
Yeah, so her mum reckons.
And she's as straight as a diet.
Come on, Terry.
Look, he's after her money, she's after
him.
I mean, what's that got to do with the
price of fish?
I'm not gonna stand around and see her
stitched up, that's all.
Hey, see, there's that social conscience
reeling its ugly head again.
You won't get nowhere with that dragging
you down.
You mark my word.
You really get on my wick now.
Well, never mind then.
Come on, let's get the cleaner inside and
get the job in hand.
Well, this is bleeding stupid.
I don't know anything about steam
cleaning.
No, there's nothing to it.
Here, put these gloves on, plug it in and
clean away.
I've got the manual if you get stuck.
Well, that's handy, isn't it?
It's only for a couple of days.
If it works out, I'll get someone in to
take it over.
Yeah, Arthur, what's this scene doing
here?
Look, I've just chucked everyone out.
I know, Dave.
You wouldn't like us to
steam clean your carpets
with a place full of
customers, would you?
Well, I don't want you to steam clean my
carpets when I ain't got customers.
See?
Dave, Terry needs some practice.
And look, it's all gratis.
I mean, if you'd like to
give us a little drink on
the establishment, that's
entirely in your hands.
But as far as I'm concerned, this is a
gesture of goodwill.
But you can't steam clean here and now.
It'll still be wet tonight.
No, no, no.
It dries in five minutes.
Just leave it in my hands, Dave.
You'll be able to see your face in that
carpet.
Well, you'd better not make it wet.
It can't get wet.
It's steam.
Hey, Dave?
Yeah, I've got a new barmaid.
I'm just showing her the price.
You're right, then.
So you're charging them for it now?
Never mind all that.
Come on, come on.
Switch it on.
Switch it on.
That sounds all right, doesn't it?
All right, there's steam coming out there.
There's water coming out.
Stop that water coming out.
Well, how do you stop it?
Look in the manual, will you?
Well, turn the red stopcock.
They're both red, aren't they?
Well, turn them both.
Look at all the water's coming out.
That's right.
That is the steam now.
Terry?
You all right in there?
I think it's working, Harper.
Dave?
What?
He's got it working.
Good God.
What's happening?
Where's Rita?
She's in the car.
She felt happier there.
What have you done to her?
Johnny, she just didn't want to get out.
That's all.
Because he's brainwashed her.
That's why.
You all right, Rita?
What's he done to you?
Nothing, Mum.
I'm all right.
Rita, why don't you get out and have a
chat to your mum?
Come on.
Yeah, come on.
Come indoors for a bit?
I think we should save on the agony and
get this over with as quickly as possible.
You don't have to tell me what you're here
for.
But you won't get a penny.
You listen to this as well.
There's no money.
It's all gone.
I've had the police round.
It was invested by a bloke like your
boyfriend.
A swindler.
And a cheat.
He's done a bunk with the lot.
I don't believe you.
I don't give a monkey's what you believe.
That's the truth.
You can sue your mother if you want.
Look.
I don't want you back because I don't want
to give you your money.
I haven't got it anymore.
I just want to get you away from him.
You can't see what he's doing to you.
He's not doing anything, Mum.
He is, but you can't see it.
We love each other.
Rita, listen to your mother.
I think we've both done enough listening,
thank you.
No doubt my solicitor will be in touch on
Rita's behalf.
Yes, you get in touch.
Better still, tell him to get in touch with
Superintendent Shaw at the Fraud Squad.
You tell him where the money's gone.
Come and have a cup of tea with your
mother.
Just a cup of tea, that's all.
For ten minutes!
Ten minutes!
Please!
Rita!
It's your birthday!
Thanks for the lift, mate.
Thanks for your help.
Yeah, it's all right.
I'll see you around.
Hello there.
Give us an invite to the wedding.
Yes, of course.
Is that our love?
You don't
know about the money, does it?
Well, as long as we've got each other.
Well, it's not as if we ain't working and
earning.
You're not disappointed about it,
are you?
I think we'll survive.
You know the lesson to be learned there,
Terry, don't you?
No, you tell me, Uncle Arthur.
No, no, don't mock, I'm serious.
Never believe what people tell you.
Appearances are deceptive.
What?
Didn't I think of that before?
What?
What?
I put a bit of white
gloss in a couple of cans,
and they knock the
whole lot out as white.
Nobody's going to open every can to check,
are they?
How do you sleep at night?
Very well, thank you.
Come on, put that rubbish down and give us
a hand.
Twenty-seventh floor?
Well, there's a lift, isn't there?
What world do you live in?
When was the last time you saw a block of
flats like this with a lift that worked?
I don't know if there's no lift.
Can't do anything about it.
I've got a job.
Are you saying that you don't expect me to
lug all this lot up?
Twenty-seven flights?
Certainly not.
Gordon Bennett, what is it, my birthday?
When you've done them two jobs,
ring me.
I'll probably have something else lined up
for you.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, once I get started, it won't take me
a minute, will it?
Well, I'll just get you a nice cup of tea
before you start?
Yeah, lovely, thanks.
It's nice to have callers.
I don't get out much these days.
Not like when I had a house.
What about?
I mean, it's different in a house.
You can come and go as you like.
Front door, back door.
You can go as you please.
I'll need a bucket, won't I?
Sit yourself down and have your tea.
Then I'll get you a bucket.
We can have a nice little chat.
All right.
Good day to you, sir.
Can I help you?
Look at this.
A positive Aladdin's cave of smoker's
delights.
Yes, we have everything for the
connoisseur here, sir.
Then you're just the man I need.
You'll probably get quite a lot of this in
the trade.
I think it's something to do with the
ecological balance.
In the old north and south.
What is, sir?
Burning rubber.
It's driving me up the wall.
I mean, can you imagine
what it's like when I can't
have a satisfying smoke
when I'm under stress?
I mean, my nerves are
ready to go on holiday,
but you are going to sort it out for me.
Are you sure I'm the best person to do
that, sir?
Well, if the finest smokers in this fair
city can't, who can?
That's very gratifying for a modest man
like myself to hear, sir.
Fair's fair.
Give credit where it's due.
As the actress said to the bank manager.
Is there something I can get for you, sir?
There is indeed.
I want the best cigar in the house.
Money, no object.
Never mind the price.
I want the ones you keep for royalty,
by appointment.
You mean the bottom drawer?
Yeah.
I'll get you one.
You see, I think a first-class cigar, a
really good smoke, would restore a balance.
Here we are, sir.
Look at that.
Isn't that beautiful?
I mean, that is a positive Rembrandt of a
lardy.
Absolutely, sir.
A hand-rolled Havala cigar.
Finest in the world.
I'll take it.
Thank you, sir.
No, no, no, don't wrap it up.
I'll smoke it now.
Certainly, sir.
That'll be £9.95p.
How much?
No, no, no, don't tell me again.
It's got to be done.
Here we are.
Keep the change.
See, that's the trouble with Havanas since
Castro took over, innit?
Excuse me.
Do you want to have a look?
Very nice.
Very clean.
Is it, is it wet?
Just a bit, yeah, it'll be dry in an
hour or so.
It's a lovely job.
You can see the pattern.
It's nice, innit?
I'll just get your furniture back and then
I'll sh**t off, all right?
You don't have to rush off, do you?
You just stay and have another cup of tea,
I tell you what, I'll do you a nice cheese
sandwich, used to be George's favourite,
with a bit of pickle.
Why not?
You shouldn't have.
You could have worn your welly boots off,
no?
No, it's not wet, Dave.
If it was any wetter, you'd have had to
swim for the bar.
And if that carpet shrinks when it dries
out, I should be knocking on your door.
Join the queue, Dave.
Give us a large VAT.
Has Terry phoned in?
Haven't phoned, here.
What's he up to?
He should be through by now.
He's probably flooding somebody else out.
Don't joke about it, Dave.
Steam cleaner, love.
Is it still all right?
My God, I gave him you up for dead.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I got a bit delayed.
Well, better late than never.
All right.
Well, I'll just sh**t outside and get the
gear.
Do you want a drink before you start?
Well, I haven't really got time, have I?
Come on.
Keep me company.
The old man's at an IVA meeting.
All right.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
Now, as I say, once I get started,
it won't take me long, innit?
The name's Claire.
I'm Terry.
Cheers, Terry.
Yeah, cheers.
I was going to have some lunch.
Would you like a bite?
Well, I wouldn't mind a little nibble.
No, madam.
I'm afraid my steam cleaner operative
won't work.
He won't be able to get to you today.
He seems to have been a bit delayed.
We could call first thing in the morning.
How about that?
Yes, we'll get the wine stain out.
Don't you worry.
Right.
We'll see you then.
Bye-bye.
If you're ever in the area, I've got other
carpets you can do.
Yeah, well, I'll pop in.
Careful.
Don't want to do yourself a mischief.
A day's work, and what have we got to show
for it?
Seven pound fifty.
That's what you told me to charge you.
Yeah, that was for one hour's work.
What happened to the rest of the day?
I had to stay and have a little chat,
didn't I?
She was lonely.
Terry, we're not the bloody welfare.
How many times do I have to tell you?
I couldn't get away.
What, so you spent the whole day there?
No, no, no, no.
I went off and did the other job, didn't I?
Well, where's the money for that, then?
Well, you'll have to take that off me
wages.
Take it out of your wages?
Look, you don't understand.
I need a cash flow situation.
What are you doing?
Giving your services free?
Yeah, you could say that, yeah.
God, no.
You're not turning this into confessions
of a steam cleaner.
I've got a reputation, you know.
So have I.
Well, this can't go on.
Somebody's taking me to the cleaners.
I'll have to come out with you tomorrow
and do a time and motion study.
What's that mean?
You check the time and I do all the
bleeding motion?
What are you using a cloth for?
I mean, what's wrong with a machine?
You've been 10 minutes so far.
Think you could do it any quicker,
do you?
Where you're going, I think her indoors
could do it quicker.
Yeah?
All right, then.
You get her to do it, then.
Don't fly off the handle.
Look, I didn't want this bleeding job in
the first place, and I can't stand it with
you behind me making snide comments,
right?
I tell you what, if you think you can do
it any better, you do it.
No, come on, Terry, you can't leave me.
What a bet.
Terry!
Terry, where are you going?
You're still here.
I thought I heard the door.
Yes, my operative has gone to answer an
emergency call.
I'll finish off here for him.
You haven't managed to get out the wine
stain, then.
Have we not?
No, well, I'm sure we have got
just the right thing for that here, madam.
You just leave that to me.
I'll have that out in a jiffy.
You will be careful, won't you?
It's a family heirloom.
It's Persian.
Gentle to the touch, madam.
Gentle to the touch.
Here we go.
Yeah, this is a phenomenon we often get
with Persians.
Arabian patch.
But don't worry, madam,
I'll pop this into the
workshop and we'll soon
have it sorted for you.
Just give me one hour, madam, I'll have it
fit for the Shah himself.
Terry.
Leave me alone, I'm having lunch.
No, no, no, look, we've got trouble.
It's been a disaster.
Go back to the flat, get the machine out
and meet me at Elliot's office.
Well, what's happened?
I can't explain that.
All I can do without this.
You cooked it up, haven't you?
No, no, no, look, listen.
Go and get the machine and meet me.
Tell me, is this for the carpet?
No, no, that's for the machine.
That'll take paint off, that will.
Now you tell me.
Didn't put it on a rug, did you?
Dear, I don't...
I mean, you were the
obvious person to bring
it to, coming from your part of the globe.
I mean, it's not all that far from Persia,
is it?
And apart from which, you owe me one.
A fact that you stated yourself.
I am here to take you up on that.
I have come to sit in your chair.
Take it, let's see what happens.
My son will try an old remedy.
I'll be eternally grateful, Mr. Sheldon.
I've been going out with my head with
worry.
It's not like Walter to go missing.
Yeah, well, maybe he's just been delayed
or something.
Maybe he's gone to see a pal, who knows,
Been gone three days.
I see.
I've got no one to turn to, Terry.
He might have had an accident.
You'll help me, won't you?
Yeah, of course I will, yeah, but...
I don't really see what I can do.
Find him for me.
Look, Rita, I'm...
Bearing in mind what's happened,
I mean, he might just have...
Well, you know, moved on.
Moved on?
Left.
He wouldn't.
He wouldn't leave me.
No, he's nothing like that.
All... all his stuff's gone.
Oi, oi, oi.
Look, you go home?
Now, if I find out where he is or I see him
or anything like that, I'll tell you, OK?
Come on, I'll get you a cab.
There we are, madam.
Completely out of the way.
And restored by the only Persian mat
expert this side of the Gulf.
He works out of the West End.
And we will say nothing about the charge.
It is the least we can do under the
circumstances.
I sure damn well think it was.
Yes, well, I'll be off then, madam.
Er, Mr Daly.
Bloody woman.
That puts your time and motion up the
spout, doesn't it?
Don't go on.
I mean, you haven't heard a bean today,
do you know that?
In fact, you're down on what you had to
pay Sharma.
Look, in fairness to Sharma, he rendered
his service.
It's gratis.
Social services will be taking you over
soon.
Well, to get up, there's a customer.
Come in.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
May I be of service?
Elliott Steam Cleaning.
That is us.
Under a new name, though.
Daly Help Cleaning Service.
You are the steam cleaning people?
We are the messes in that respect, yes.
Can I be of assistance?
This is a legal summons, which I am
instructed on court authority to serve on you.
It is an offence not to comply with the
summons.
Good afternoon.
No, no, hold on.
What's all this about?
Your overdue with your rent.
I believe the amount's 350 pounds.
No, no, no, no.
It's been a mix-up.
You want Jimmy Elliott Steam Cleaning.
You've just admitted you're the company in
this office.
And for that benefit, I'm afraid you have
to pay.
It's Friday the 13th.
Only for you?
Well, that is it.
I've had nothing but aggravation with this
bloody steam cleaning.
Yeah, look, take that round to Jimmy
Elliott and pick up the machine from Lady.
Muck and tell him I never want to see it
again.
It's costing me a fortune.
I know you answered it.
I've had enough disasters for one day.
Hello?
Yeah?
See, hang on, hang on.
Mr Gieser phoning about that ad for the
paint.
He wants white gloss.
Of course I want white gloss.
We all want white gloss.
If I had white gloss, I wouldn't have to
put an ad in, would I?
No.
No, no, no, give it, yeah, give it, give it.
Can I help you?
Well, yes, I'd have 250 litres of
white gloss.
You ain't.
Excellent, excellent, yes.
Well, you come round
here tomorrow, 29 High.
Street, just by the
electrical shop, third floor.
I'll have it all ready for you, 11 o'clock.
Lovely.
Bye-bye.
You're not going to pass that tangerine
off as white.
Do you ever read the Bible, Terence?
Do what?
There's a quotation in a
good book that says, Do
unto others as you have
been done unto yourself.
And I'm not going to argue with
ecclesiastical authorities.
Yeah, well, when the Gieser comes looking
for you, don't expect me to bail you out.
He won't find us, will he?
We're vacating the premises.
Now, go on, get round to Jimmy with that
little present from the port.
You know something?
I'm beginning to get a taste for burnt
rubber.
It's got a certain tang to it.
It should work out a lot cheaper,
too, doesn't it?
We can just get a retread done on it.
When I get my hands on 350 notes, it's
all about kicking a man while he's down.
But if your sister says you look after the
kids, you're free to work, aren't you?
You could start a business up again.
Yeah, well, I suppose I could try and
build things up again.
Well, it'd put you back on your feet a
bit, wouldn't it?
Yeah, I could always operate you out of
here, couldn't I?
Why not?
Do you reckon I could put a van up for me?
No, no, I wouldn't bank on that one, no.
No, maybe not.
Still, I could always get one on the book,
pay it off as I earn.
That's got to be worth a try, ain't it?
Yeah, I think I'd do that, Till.
Yeah.
Listen, mate, I've got a sheet.
Thanks for the tea.
Yeah, all right, mate.
Nice one.
Still makes you sick, though, doesn't it?
What?
It's not as if you strapped for a few quid.
Who?
Sudbury.
And that recalls himself Doctor.
Could have given me a few weeks to find me
feet.
I don't know what you're talking about.
All the summons.
He's had that served, hasn't he?
He holds the lease.
What with all his actors and all that
poncy flat in South Kent.
Sudbury?
No, no, no, he's got a flat in Ferndale
Road.
No, no, he's got a flat in South Kent.
You couldn't do us a favour, could you?
You couldn't go and dig it out for us?
I think we're missing an opportunity here,
Terry.
Here, talking of opportunities, Arthur.
If that carpet shrinks
any more, I shall take
the opportunity of
charging you for a new one.
No, no, don't worry about that, Dave.
I had a word with my carpet expert, and he
reckons the map will expand with the heat.
Well, you're joking.
Well, if it doesn't, you have my personal
guarantee to make it good.
Well, that is very reassuring.
No, we are missing out, Terry.
And we are in the marketplace with
information.
Example, I grant this Sudbury's address.
We could exploit this to our advantage.
Not even you would stoop to that.
Not a question of stooping.
It's a question of business survival.
I mean, it's the economics of Milton
Keynes and all that.
I mean, you do this one a favor,
that one a failure.
What do you do for yourself?
I mean, what is in this for you?
More than you'll ever understand, Arthur.
Yeah, it won't buy you half a lager,
though, will it?
No, it's going to buy me a pint,
as it happens.
And you're going to get it, Dave.
How have your ill-gotten gains?
What, my paint money?
Yeah, go on, splash out.
No, no, no, that's not for spending.
That's for investing.
No, no, no, no.
All right, all right, forget it.
I'll get it myself.
Dave, a pint.
All right, I'll have a large vodka to
attack on you.
You are a tri-pound.
I suppose this was all brought on by him
going missing?
No.
b*stard come back for his clothes,
didn't he?
Called all the names under the sun.
Said that he was only
interested in the money and she
could piss off back to her
family if she hadn't gotten it.
So she reaches for the pills.
Well, I mean, what do you expect when that
happens?
Can't muck the mind about it.
I'll tell you something, though.
If my boys ever find him, they'll tear him
apart.
That's where he lives.
Tell Benji to give him my regards.
Yeah, I will.
You can go with him if you want.
No, thanks, no.
It's a family affair.
If you want to I'll change the situation.
Right people, right time Just the wrong
location Good idea Just you keep me near
I'll be so good for you I could be so good
for you I'm gonna help you Nothing I could
want me to I'll do anything for you I'll
be so good for you I could be so good for
you I'll do it like you want
me to I'll do it like you want me
to There ain't nothing I can't
go through I'll be so good for you
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