02x07 - Buddy Comes to Dinner

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge ♪

♪ of me ♪♪

[instrumental version
of theme song plays ♪]

Adam, you forgot
to take out the garbage.

Come on, Jamie.
Mom wants you to outta here.

Adam.

No wonder
we have so much garbage.

It's coming in faster
than I can carry it out.

[horn honking]
G-go, go, go.

Sorry it took so long.

I had to stop off
at the tape store

and rent a movie
for my date tomorrow night
with Lauren Andrews.

Oh, what movie did you get?

[laughing]

"Casablanca."

Oh, that oughtta
warm her up.

Jamie,
I got "Casablanca"

because I know
it's a good film.

Now, if Lauren finds it
romantically stimulating...

... then I'll know
it's a great film.

Oh, by the way,
did she call?

Yeah, she said
she was on her way over.

Really?
How did her audition go?

Did she get the part
in the school play?

Charles, I didn't
have time to chitchat

about her personal life.

I barely had time
to talk about my own.

Well, I hope she got the part,
because if she did,

she's gonna be in a great mood.

And if she's
in a great mood today,

we're gonna have a great time
tomorrow night.

Oh, this sounds
like an important date.

Well, it could be.

If things work out,

I'm gonna invite her
to go on my ski club trip
to snowy, romantic Vermont.

What does that mean,
"If things work out?"

Well, it means that
if I find Lauren and I
are emotionally compatible...

then I'll feel comfortable
about pursuing
the relationship...

... to a higher level.

What's "a higher level?"

Vermont.

Here, Adam.
Open this can of beans.
Okay?

Waxed beans?
Oh, yuck!

Why would anybody
put wax on beans?

So, they'll slide down
your throat

without leaving
skid marks.

What more
could you ask for?

Sid's Pizza.

[doorbell rings]
[Charles] Oh.

Maybe it's Sid.

Sid delivers.

No, it's probably Lauren.

Maybe she's bringing me a pizza.

Does Lauren deliver?

One can only hope.

Please let it
be Lauren.

Please let her
have the part.

Please let her be
in a good mood.

I wish I were dead.

Please pay attention
when I beg.

You didn't
get the part.

I got the part.
- You got the part?

I wish I were dead.

[doorbell rings]
Wait, Lauren,

dead people
aren't good in plays.

Now, if you got the part,
why do you want to be dead?

Charles, I got a part
in the school play.

Oh.

And there's my talented,
yet sexy, co-star now.

Now, do you see why death
is so attractive?

Charles, I think I'll tell
the Powells the good news.

Okay.

Now, I can sense
that you're upset.

How can I
un-upset you?

He's your friend.

Talk him out
of doing this play.

Why?
Buddy's not a bad guy.

And he must be
a good actor

or else he wouldn't
have the part.

Actually,
he was good

and when we do
the love scenes,

his mouth will probably stick
to the script,

but his hands
will be ad-libbing.

He's a lunatic, Charles.
Talk to him?

Buddy is not a lunatic.

He's my best friend.

Charles...

If you don't speak to him,

I'm going to be
very depressed,

starting tomorrow,
just before our date.

I'm speaking
to that lunatic tonight.

Now, let me tell you
about my plans for tomorrow.

I'm gonna take you...

to Rick's Café Americain
in "Ca--

"Casablanca."

I love that movie.
- Oh, you see.

I love the fact
that you love it.

The Powells
are going out to dinner.

So, tomorrow night,
it's just Bogie,

Bergman,
and us.

"Here's looking
at you, kid."

Lauren, Mrs. Powell
just invited us to dinner.

I have other plans.

But, tell her
thanks anyway.

Oh, your wish
is my command.

Uh-- ya hear that?

Your wish
is his command.

I really have to go.

Look, Lauren, maybe
you misjudged Buddy.

Why don't you think
about it, okay?
I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Stand aside, Charles.

I must bid
my leading lady farewell.

Ta.

Uh, Buddy,
you and I have to talk.

Let me ask you something.

How important
is this play to you?

Well, how important
is a parachute to a sky diver?

And how important
is water to a carp?

How important
are ba*ls to a tennis player?

Hello, Mr. Powell.

Well, Loonbeck.

I see you're here
for dinner as usual.

It's Lembeck, sir,
and, yes,

I've been invited to dinner.
Now, here's the good news.

I got the lead
in the class play.

Say, that is good news.

Now, here's the bad news.

I don't care.

Grandpa, where did you
put the mail today?

In my pocket.
- Mother.

Dad, I thought
we agreed

to put the mail on the table
in the front room.

Adam, will you run,
put this on the table
in the front room?

Never mind.
You can leave it here.

Will you make up
your mind?

Junk mail,
junk mail, junk mail.

Oh, a letter for Jamie.

Adam, stop playing
with your food.

I'm not playing.

I'm trying to get it
to look like pizza.

Hey, not bad.

You tore up
without reading it.

It's from
Steven Berkle.

He wants to take me
to the Spring dance.

Well, don't you
wanna go with him?

Sure, but this
is only the second time
he asked me.

Third time's a charm.

If you don't write him,
it'll hurt his feelings.

Oh, it won't hurt
his feelings.

Guys learn early on
that sometimes you win,
sometimes you lose.

That's why
I've never been serious
about anything.

You're kidding.

No, I'm serious.

That's true,
Buddy.

You don't take
things seriously.

Well, like this play,
for instance.

Today,
you wanna do it.

Now, tomorrow, you'll probably
wanna do somethin' else, right?

Wrong.

With Lauren
as my leading lady,

tomorrow,
I'll still wanna do the play.

Yeah, but if you
couldn't do the play,

it wouldn't be
the end of the world.

I'd k*ll myself.

But it wouldn't be
the end of the world.

[♪♪]

Watch the water here,
Buddy.

You know,
I-I-I just don't
understand

why this play
is so important to you.

That's all.
- Well, I'll tell you why.

I'm sure you think of me
as an under-achiever.

No, I don't.

Charles, I was always
an under-achiever.

All right.
You win.

Oh, sorry.
I mean you come in second.

You're
an under-achiever.

I wish you
hadn't said that, Charles.

Hey, you're the one who said
you were an under-achiever.

Past tense.
I'm changing my life.

It wasn't easy for me
to try out for the play,

but I did
and I got the part.

That's why
this is probably

the most important thing
that I've ever done.

Well, if it's
that important to ya,

I'm behind you
all the way, pal.
Okay?

Besides,
I owe it to Lauren.

Uh, right.
Let's talk about that
for a second.

Now...

I'd appreciate it
if you were a little uh...

... cooler with Lauren,
you know?

Try to keep the relationship
on a professional level.

Try to refrain
from tearing her clothes.

What are you
trying to say?

That I like Lauren
a lot.

And we have a date
tomorrow night.

And if things go well,

I gonna take her
on my ski trip to Vermont.

I'm sorry.
I didn't know.

Of course, I'll back out.
No problem.

And nee-- well,
watch the water here.

And needless to say,

I'm gonna wanna be alone here
with Lauren tomorrow night.

So, you won't wanna
drop in unexpectedly

or anything
like that, right?

No, you got it, pal.
- Okay.

And Buddy,
I'm happy about the play.

And as they say in the theater,
"Break a leg."

Oh!
- Whoa!

[grunts]

What do they say in the theater
after you've broken a leg?

If it's broken,
how come the jagged bone

isn't sticking out
of his ankle?

Adam, you are
the Prince of Grossness.

Thank you.

It's not broken, Adam.

The X-ray didn't show
any damage at all.

You guys
are too nice to me.

You know, I could've
gone back to my dorm.

Well then,
who would take care of you?

Nobody, but,
if I really needed help,

I could've crawled
into the street,

and waved pathetically
at the passing traffic.

Doctor said to put
some ice on it,
but we don't have any.

Why don't I run next door
and get some?

All right.
Let me take a look at this leg.
Huh?

[screams]

[screams
in a high-pitched voice]

Will you be a man,
Lamebeck?

During the w*r,
I fought an entire battle,

standing
on two broken legs.

Whose were they?

Let me know
when he regains consciousness.

Don't worry, pal.

We'll take care
of you tonight.

And tomorrow,
you'll be as good as new.

Oh, I doubt that.

Buddy, the doctor said
it's only a mild sprain.

And he also said
you should start walking
on it right away.

What do doctors know?

Well, you wanna be
outta here tomorrow.

You start rehearsing
for the play tomorrow.

Charles, Buddy's in pain.

Now, Adam.

Just because
Charles shoved me,

causing me to slip
on the soapy water

that he spilled
all over the floor,

does not mean it
wasn't an accident.

And we mustn't blame him
for crippling me.

Jamie, look for the ice bag!

Sarah, could you bring
your electric blanket down?

Here, we wanna make
our Buddy comfortable.

Oh, and Adam, could you come
and help me in the kitchen?

Sure, Mom.
- Thanks, Mrs. Powell.

A guy could get used to this.

No, he couldn't.

I-I thought this play
was the most important thing
in your life.

It is.

Look, don't worry, Charles.

They can't do the play
without me.

I-I-I'm the star.

In a couple of days,
my leg will be fine.

Buddy, Mom thought you'd like
some milk and cookies.

And I brought you a banana.

Thanks, Adam.

It's nice to be babied
when you're sick.

You're not sick.

Tomorrow you're gonna be
at that rehearsal,

walking,
jumping,
leaping.

Oh, you have a date here
tomorrow night.

Yeah.
- Oh, I forgot.

My-- my leg
isn't important.

Your date
comes first.

No, Buddy.
Getting you out of here
comes first.

Because if
you're not outta here
by tomorrow,

Lauren's gonna
break off our date.

I'll have to cancel the trip
to Vermont,

and my life
will be ruined!

But what's your point, Charles?

The point is, I need you
to be outta here by tomorrow.

Okay, you got it.
- Thank you.

If I can walk.

I heard that.

You will never leave
the tower of invasion.

[in a squeaky voice]
Leavin' the tower of invasion.

If I don't leave the tower of--

[in a deeper voice]
Oh, you will never--

Ah!
You will never--

You're still here!
What is this?

Well, it-it-it's
just a few of my things.

Sid brought them
over to me.

I should have my own stuff
while I'm here.

You were supposed
to be outta here this morning.

You're supposed
to be at play rehearsal.

I can't walk, Charles.

That's because
you're not standing up.

Well, the last time I stood up,
you knocked me down.

Buddy, the doctor said,

the sooner you put weight
on your foot,

the sooner it'll be well.

Well,
on the other hand,

if I stand
on it too soon,

my weakened ankle
might give out

and my bone
might snap like a twig,

causing me
to fall on my head

and get
a major concussion.

Well then...

... there's only
one thing left to do.

What's that?
- Call the Vet
and have you put to sleep.

Come on.
Come on.
Come on.

Let's try standing up.
All right?

I can't deal with this.
Come on.

I hate pain, Charles.
Pain hurts.

You're not in pain.

Now put your foot down
slowly, slowly.

Ow, ow, ow, ow ow!

I can't feel the floor.

The floor
can't feel you, either.

Your foot
isn't touching the floor.

Well, there's no feeling
in my foot.

Then why d'you say "ow?"

Because "ow"
is more macho than "eek."

You're wasting your time.

There's nothing wrong
with his leg.

What he's feeling
is the memory of pain.

It's obviously psychosomatic.

Oh, you mean his leg
is in his head?

Of course.

How can my leg
be in my head?

Probably a result
of putting your foot
in your mouth.

If you want him to walk,
you're gonna
have to motivate him.

Oh, I--
Watch this, Mr. Powell.

Hey, Buddy.

Don't you
wanna be in that play?

Well, of course
and I plan to study
my lines in bed.

But right now,
I have a much bigger problem--

But what?

Excuse us, Mr. Powell.

Hugh Hefner here
has to make a, uh, comfort stop.

Well, if you really want
to motivate him,

you should use
the military's five magic words.

"Walk or I'll sh**t ya."

Never fail.

Sarah,
am I your older sister?

Yes.

Am I popular?

Yes.

Is my hair free
from roller bumps?

Yes.

I know about life.

Stop worrying
about Steven Berkle.

If he think I'm eager
to go to the dance with him,

he'll lose interest.

Believe me.
He'll ask again.

He knows the rules.

If I were Steven Berkle,
I'd never write to you again.

Sarah, we're talking
about a boy.

Once they reach the age of 12,

they're no longer innocent,
helpless, little babies.

Uh, he had to go potty.

[♪♪]

Because I feel party responsible
for your psychosomatic foot...

I am lettin' you stay here.

But, Lauren will be here soon.

So, if you bust my chops,
I'm going to bust your...

... pretzels.

Ow.
- Right.

Now.

Use this intercom only,

and I repeat,
only in case of an emergency.

All right?
- Right.
- Okay.

Charles?
- What?

Is the only reason
you're bein' nice to me

because you feel guilty?

Nah, it's probably
because we're friends.

Oh now, I feel guilty.

I tell you what.
You wanna see me walk?
- Love to.

Stand back, pal,
because I'm gonna walk.

All right.

[clears throat]

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow!

Charles,
I couldn't do it.

Mr. Powell was right.

My leg is in my head.

You know
what that means?

It means
you just feel flat
on your brain.

Come on.

Jamie, Sarah,
Adam, Dad.

Come on!
Let's go.

One letter, Jamie.

It wouldn't hurt you
to write him one letter.

Letter?
Uh, what's this
about letters?

I-I put 'em
right here on the table

where they're
supposed to be.

Uh-- One for Ellen.
One for me.

Grampa.
- Oh, one for Jamie.
[nervous laugh]

It's from Steven.

The third letter.
See, Sarah?

Stick with me
and you'll be wearing diamonds.

Steven is so cute.

Steven is a doll.

Steven...

... is a creep.

He says
he didn't hear
from me.

So, he's taking
Janet Bowman to the dance.

Who cares?

Wouldn't wanna
go out with a boy

who doesn't even know
the rules.

Are you coming?

Adam,
put that pizza down.

Adam,
give me that pizza.

Ah.

Goodbye, Charles.

Have a great date.

[laughing]

How can I miss?

I got the perfect movie
and the perfect girl.

This gonna be a perfect evening.

Testing one, two, three.

[Buddy on intercom
singing in French ♪]

[Buddy on intercom]
Ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow!

There ya go.

Charles.
- Hmm?

I'm very grateful
to you.

It's just corn.

Anybody could've popped it.

No, I'm grateful to you
because you talked to Buddy.

He didn't show up
for rehearsal.

Well, that's because
I knocked him down
and sprained his ankle.

Wouldn't listen
to reason, huh?
- [laughing]

No, no.
It was an accident.

Well...

Whatever it was,
I'm grateful.

[intercom buzzes]

What was that?

That was Buddy.

He's in my bedroom,
recuperating.

If he comes out here,
I'm leaving--

He-- he won't.

That's why I hooked up
this intercom system.

See, he can't walk.

As a matter of fact,

I'm gonna go make sure
he can't walk.

Excuse me.

[intercom buzzes]

Why'd you buzz me?
What do you want?

Um, could I have
a diet cherry cola

and, um,
some crushed ice, please?

Are you nuts?

I'm sitting out there
with Lauren

and you want
crushed ice?

I didn't know
she was here.

Nobody tells me anything.

Life goes on out there

while I'm stuck in here
like the man in the iron mask.

Okay, okay!
You didn't know.

Now you do.

Don't push that button again.

Right.
Charles?

What?
- I'm sorry.

That was very
inconsiderate of me.
- Forget it.

So, um, could I
just have a regular cola

and-and hold
the crushed ice?

[screams]

Well,
hold the cola!

You're certifiable.
You know that?

Ah.

Okay.

Now,
we can watch
the movie.

Casablanca.
- Mmm-hmm.

I can't wait.
- Mmm.

It's so romantic.

Ow!

Did I hurt you,
Charles?

Hurt me?
- You said, "Ow."

No,
I said, "Wow!"

So, Lauren.
What's uh--

What's your favorite scene
in the movie?

Uh, well, of course,

I love the scene
at the airport...

- Uh huh?
- ... where Rick says,
"We'll always have Paris."

Yeah?

And, I love the scene
where--

[gasps]

Wow is right!

[clears throat]

Lauren,
I've been meaning
to ask you.

I'm uh...

[loud crunching on intercom]
What is that?

Sounds like
someone's...

... eating
the house.

It's him again.
He's eating potato chips.

Buddy.
- [Buddy singing over intercom]

Buddy, you-you're
turning Lauren off.

So, I'm turning you off.

Over and out.

I'm sorry
about that, Lauren.

He was supposed to leave
this morning

but he's definitely
leaving tomorrow.

Why?

I mean, if he's injured.

He's not injured.

He just thinks he is.

Believe me.
I'm throwing him out
for his own good!

And, enough about him.

Let's talk about us.

I wanted to know--
- Charles.

I'm going
to do something

I probably
shouldn't do.

I like that
in a girl.

But you have to promise me
you won't tell anyone,

especially Buddy.

Hey,
I'm not that kind of guy.

I promise.

I don't want
Buddy to recover
for a while.

If he's not
at rehearsal tomorrow,

the director's going
to replace him

with Greg Landerhoff.

Greg and I are...
old friends.

Oh, so that's why
you don't want Buddy.

Greg was your first choice
all along.

Actually, you
were my first choice

but you
wouldn't try out.

Greg was my second choice.

But this means
so much to Buddy!

Who cares?

You're not going to tell him?
You promised--

I know that
but it's just--

You know,
he's gonna be devastated.

That really
doesn't bother you,
does it?

Okay.

I said I'm not
gonna tell him.

And I am not
gonna tell him.

So, do you think
your plan is gonna work?
- Mmm-hmm.

[Lauren via intercom]
The director
told us this afternoon.

If Buddy isn't at rehearsal
tomorrow...

he's out
of the play.

Now,

what did you
wanna ask me?

Oh, nothing.

Hmmm.

Don't worry, kid.

"We'll always have Paris..."

And we almost
had Vermont!

[♪♪]

Charles, I was going
to take Buddy

his lunch
but he's gone.

Oh, he went
to play rehearsal.

He made
an amazing recovery
during the night.

Well, good for him.

So, Charles.
How was your date?

Yeah,
you taking her
to Vermont?

No.
- That's too bad.

I thought she was
a real sweetheart.

Well, you're half right.

A lot of sweet
but very little heart.

Hi, Charles.
Hi, everybody.

What's up?
[all] Hi, Buddy.

Charles, weird thing.
I went to rehearsal today
and Lauren quit the play.

But they replaced her
with Melinda Pierson.

She's beautiful, talented
and she likes me.

That's great, Buddy!
- Ah!
- Oh!

Oh.
- Come on.

Oh... did I get you?

Get outta here.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Well, that's it.

"Casablanca."

Rick gave up
the girl he loved.

So, she could
go away with Victor.

In those days,
it was considered noble.

Why didn't Rick
just sh**t Victor

and keep the girl
for himself?

Because in those days,
that was considered rude.

[Sarah and Jamie]
Good night.

Good night.

You think pizza
is better than girls?

Yeah, probably.

Then, why don't you just take
a pizza to Vermont?

Because
there's one thing

a girl can do
that pizza can't do.

What's that?

Ski.

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪

[fanfare]