02x08 - A Fox in the Henhouse

[bunniefuu]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge ♪

♪ of me ♪♪

[♪♪]

"Oregano."

Oregano.

"Bay leaf."

Bay leaf.

"Thyme."


Buddy, thyme.
T-H-Y-M-E.

Oh.

Thanks.
All right, now...

"One clove of garlic."

Charles,
is this a clove?

I don't know
but it's definitely garlic.

At ease, men.
I bring good news.

Anyone tell you
we're having Matty Whitford
for dinner?

No, I thought
we were having fish.

[Charles snickers]

Matty Whitford
is an old friend of the family.

He and my son went to
the Naval Academy together.

Haven't seen him
in, oh, ten, 12 years.

Oh, that's nice, Mr. Powell.
Is he still in the Navy?

Absolutely.
He is a real gentleman,
a fine officer,

and what the hell
are you two cooking?

Oh, I volunteered
to make dinner tonight.

This is
what the cookbook calls

"Gourmet Seafood Supreme."

What's that?
- This is Fiji stew.

And this, as opposed to that,
is real food,

because this, not that,
was made by a real cook.

Me.

But most important,
this, not that,

is what the Powell family's
having for dinner.

What am I
supposed to do with this?

That.

[clears throat]

[doorbell rings]
I had a bad burrito once.

Sounded just like that.

[doorbell rings]

Mom, I think
he's here.

Hi, I'm--

Lieutenant Whitford.
I know; I'm Jamie.

Jamie?
I don't believe it.

Last time I saw you,
you were wearing diapers.

No, that must have been
my sister, Sarah.

Ah.

Ellen.
- Matty!

You look
more beautiful than ever.

I can't believe
you're here.

It's been...
Well, it's been too long.

Walter,
look who's here!

Chief.
- Welcome aboard, Lieutenant.

Good to see you again.
- Nice to see you.
[guffawing]

Adam and Sarah,
look how you've all grown.

Well, I may have
gained a few pounds,

but I can still
put on the old uniform.

[Matty guffaws]
- Are you gonna be
seeing my father soon?

Ah, well, that all depends.
Where is he?

He's pulling carrier duty
with the good old Pacific Fleet.

As a matter of fact,
I'm headed for Honolulu.

I might be
seeing him real soon.

Tell him
to come home.

My mother's
very lonely.

Uh, well, we all
miss him a lot,

and he does call frequently;
so that helps.

Why don't you children
go upstairs and wash for dinner?

Okay.

Oh!

And, uh,
this is Buddy.

Buddy.
- Lieutenant Whitford.
- How ya doin'?

And last,
but certainly not least,
this is Charles.

Hi.
- Charles.
- He lives with us.

He's in charge
of the children,

and he helps
with the house.

Ah.

Uh...
[guffawing]

You guys both
live here?

Uh, no, sir.
Just half of us.

I'm the other half.
I was just leaving.

It's nice to meet you.
- Talk to you later.
- Buh-bye.

Well come on.
Let's sit down.

We have so much
catching up to do.
- Okay.

You two go ahead
and talk.

Come on, Charles.
Let's check, see how that
Fiji stew is comin'.

Fiji stew?
I-I thought Charles was making
Gourmet Seafood Supreme.

Well, we combined
our ingredients.

That's the great thing
about Fiji stew.

You can throw in anything
with fins, claws, or flippers.

Yeah, it's sorta like
swimming the English Channel
with your mouth open.

Well, let's give
her the old taste test.

You get
first honors.

Huh?
What do you think?

Fantastic?
- Oh...
- No, stupendous?

Colossal?

Not.
I was thinking
more of a four-letter word.

You mean "good?"

It's gotta be
better than good.

Here.
Try again.
- No way--

Aren't you
gonna swallow it?
- Hmmm-mmm.

Let me show ya
how it's done.

[laughing]

[gulps]
[inhales]

[moaning in pain]

How are
the mess cooks doing?

[groaning]

Something I said?

Something he swallowed.

Oh.

Uh, well, listen, Charles.
- [groaning]

I wanted to talk to you
about the duty roster
around here.

Are you working
the night watch?

Working the night watch?

Yeah, you know
what I mean.

You and Ellen,
alone in the house...

... at night.

If you're asking
what I think you're asking,
the answer is no.

But I don't think you're asking
what I think you're asking

because Mrs. Powell
is a married woman.

Yeah.
And her's husband's overseas.

Oh, I see.

And you're asking
these questions

out of a deep-seated concern
for her husband, right?

Right.

Ow.
Ow.

I can't go
to the game, Frank.

No, no.
You remember me telling you
about the lovely Ellen Powell?

Mmm-hmm, yeah.

That's right
and he's still overseas.

I-I heard rumor's got it
that she's very lonely.

You don't think
I'm gonna miss a chance to--

I'll, uh, I'll talk
to you later, Frank.

Uh, you understand,
you understand.

Charles, Walter isn't
feeling very well.

Are you
all right?

Hello, Mrs. Powell.

Excuse me.
I've gotta die now.

Charles,
what is it?

Have you seen
the movie "Alien?"

[imitates a shriek]

Oh.

[groaning in unison]
Oh.

Oh.
- Oh.

[groaning in unison]

This is scary.

They sound like
wounded back-up singers.

We found the problem.

Bad clams.

I picked
those clams out myself.

Aha!
Ow.
- Oh.

Oh, even my "Aha" hurts.

Oh, a doctor.

Apparently,
the calms were bad.

Yes, I understand.

We'll leave right away.

The doctor feels sure
you have food poisoning.

He wants to check both of you
into the hospital on the double.

You guys relax.
I'll bring the car around.

Well, don't worry
about us, Lieutenant.

I'm just glad
you're here to help Ellen.

Don't worry
about a thing, Chief.

Ellen's in good hands.

Sir, we have
a problem here.

Lieutenant Whitford
is interested
in your daughter-in-law.

And his intentions
are not honorable.

You bite your tongue.

I've known that boy for years.
He's decent and honorable.

What else
could he be?

He's Navy.

Sir, we're not dealing
with John Paul Jones.

We're dealing
with Long John Silver.

Now, listen to me.

[groaning]
Oh!

Yeah, that's not bad.
Now listen to me.

Oh!
- Oh.
- Oh.

[in unison]
Oh.

What a relief.
The doctor says there
is nothing to worry about.

He's wrong.
- Oh, Charles.

He's just
keeping you here overnight
just to be on the safe side.

That's not
what bothers me.

I'm more concerned
that you and the kids
are home alone.

Oh, we won't be alone.

Since Matty's staying
'til tomorrow,

I've asked him
to check out of his hotel

and spend the night
at our house.

You can't do that.

Why, it's no bother.

All I have to do
is make his bed.

Bed?
Bed?

Charles.
- Mrs. Powell.

I hate to say this but...

... there's a shark
in your swimming pool.

I think maybe
I'd better go call the doctor.

No, yo-you
don't need a doctor.
You need a can of Mace.

Lieutenant Whitford
is out to get you.

Oh, Charles.

I think you
need some sleep.

No, I'm not tired,
Mrs. Powell.

I'm trying to warn you
about that guy.

He doesn't want
your friendship.

He wants you.
- Oh, Charles.

If I didn't know
you were sick,

I would say you were sick.

I heard him talking to some guy
on the phone named Frank.

What did I say
to Frank?

You know what
you said.

Why don't you
repeat it?

Okay, uh.

I told Frank
I couldn't go to the game
'cause I was visiting Ellen.

"The lovely Ellen Powell?"

I think I did say
"the lovely Ellen Powell."
- Oh.

Yeah, but you said it
with a leer.

Go ahead
and say it again.

O-only this time, leer.

Navy men don't leer.

This one did.
I heard him.

You heard me leer?

No, I saw you leer.

And you winked at me.

He winked at me.

Wait a minute, Charles.

Let's get this straight.

Am I after Ellen,

or am I after you?

You know
who you're after.

[scoffs]
And what about the part
where you told Frank

that the "lovely...

...Ellen Powell's husband
was overseas,
that she was lonely?"

Well?
What about it?

Sure!

Yeah, sounds innocent.

But, you know, and I know,
and you know I know.

Matty, I-I
really apologize for this.

Charles
is usually very rational,
but right now, I-I--

He's delirious,
keeps seeing sharks.

No, that's-that's not all.

Lieutenant Whitford
even suggested that...

... Mrs. Powell and I
might have something going on.

You heard me say
this to Frank?

No, you didn't say it
to Frank.

You said it to me.

And to be perfectly frank,
I don't even know Frank.

And frankly, Frank
doesn't know me.

So, why would you say
it to Frank?

Oh, Charles.

The kids wanna say
good night.

So, I'm gonna go
get them.

Oh, and please don't say
anything about the shark
in the swimming pool.

We don't have
a swimming pool.

Oh, nobody hears me.

Maybe I'm invisible.

I'm sorry about this,
Lieutenant.

No problem, Chief.

Food poisoning, sometimes,
does strange things to people.

Uh-huh-huh.

Listen, I gotta go.
You get yourself some rest
and don't worry about Ellen.

She's in good hands.

I got the night watch.

He did it again.

He winked at me!

[sad flute music plays ♪]
Oh.

You're gonna do it,
aren't you?

You're gonna let
your daughter-in-law

spend the night
with Sinbad the Sex Maniac.

Charles, Lieutenant Whitford
is a fine, young man.

Oh, sure.
Handsome.
Charming.

Persuasive.

Whereas,
Mrs. Powell is lonely,

unprotected,
and vulnerable.

You're beginning
to bug me.

Hi, we just came
to say good night.
[men] Oh, hi.

Is there anything
we can do for you?

Yes, Adam.

I want you to call my parents
and tell them what happened,
okay?

I'll write down
the phone number.

Adam, come here.
Come here.

You know the last time
I saw my grandfather...

... was in a hospital bed.

Just before he died...

... he sold me this watch.

Here.
Take it.

Grandpa, you're not gonna die.
Why are you giving me
your watch?

I'm not giving it
to you.

I want you to take it home
and put it in a safe place.

I don't trust anyone
around here.

Adam, put this in your pocket.
And don't lose it.
Okay?

And read it
as soon as you get home.
Now go.

[all]
Good night.

Well,
that leaves us alone.

Two men
in a one-man lifeboat,

medical piranhas
circling our tiny craft.

A uniformed barracuda circling
your tiny daughter-in-law.

Charles,
I don't wanna talk about it.

Well, what if I'm right?

You're wrong!
- Even if I'm right,
I'm wrong, right?

Wrong!
If you're right,
you're right.

And if you're wrong,
you're wrong.

Now, let's change
the subject.

Look.

We're gonna be
stuck here together.

Let's-- let's talk about
something we both agree on.
Okay?

Fine.

[in unison]
Good night.

[♪♪]

Hey, you guys.

This phone number
that Charles gave me
isn't a phone number at all.

It's a secret message.
Listen.

"Watch Matty.
Don't leave your mom
alone with him.

He's a leech."

A leech?

Oh, it doesn't say,
"He's a leech."

It says,
"He's a letch."

[girls gasp]

And here's the family
in San Francisco
right before Adam was born.

Adam?

Well, I've never seen
a picture of me
before I was born.

[sighs] I bet you kids
will be going to bed soon, huh?

It's seven o'clock.

Oh, is that all it is?

It feels later.

Why don't I open
that nice bottle of wine?

I'll be back
before you can say--

Daddy?

Right.

Well, you must like
Lieutenant Whitford a lot.

You're hanging
all over him.

The thing is I don't think
he's used to having children
around a lot.

So, maybe it would be
a good idea

if the three of you
stayed out of sight for a while.

[scoffs]
I said out of sight.
Okay?

Sure, Mom.

What do you mean,
"Sure, Mom?"

Charles told us
to watch him.

How can we?
Mom told us
to go up to our rooms.

Sarah, learn to look
for loopholes.

Mom didn't tell us to go
to our rooms.

She told us
to keep outta sight.

Come here.
Huddle.
Let's make a plan.

[light instrumental version
of theme song ♪]

[clears throat]

Fill this please.

Okay, Doctor.

Uh-huh.
Oh, yep, yep.

What?

What is it, Doc?
What's wrong?

Well, I think we'll have to
operate immediately.

[slurring]
Operate?

Doc, what are you
talking about?

I only had
a couple of bad clams.
- Huh?

A-a-and they
weren't even that bad.

They were just
a little cranky.

Gotcha.

You're a dead man.

How you feelin', pal?
- All right.

I stopped by the house
and Mrs. Powell
told me what happened.

So I borrowed this outfit
and the rest is comedy history.

Buddy, remember that guy
you met earlier today?
Lieutenant Whitford?

Oh, yeah, nice guy.
Tall, good-looking, warm smile.

He's trying to seduce,
Mrs. Powell.

Cruel mouth,
beady, little pig eyes.

I hate that guy.

Now, the thing is,
nobody believes me.

I sent the kids home
to keep an eye on him but,

I don't know.

Charles,
if the kids are there,

then you have nothing
to worry about.

Unless of course,
they fall asleep.

Well, even then,
sooner or later,

Mrs. Powell and the Lieutenant
will go to bed.

Did you have
to put them to bed
in the same sentence?

I gotta get outta here.

Charles, Charles,
if you're that concerned,

I'll go over to the house
and throw a little cold water
on the situation.

You may not believe it
but I can put a damper
on anybody's party.

All right, just go over there,
and, check out the situation

and call me, okay?
- Okay.
You got it, pal.

And please, Buddy,
don't blow it.
It's very important.

[fake British accent]
The name is Bond.

James Bond.

If you blow it,
your name is Mud.

Bud Mud!

Doctor...

... here you go.

[screams]

I remember the first time
I met you.

You were the prettiest girl
at the Academy dance.

And you know something?

You're even prettier today.

Oh, I think maybe the wine
is blurring your eyesight.

No, I mean it.

As a matter of fact,

I've always wondered
what would have happened
if you and I--

[noise]

Did you hear that?

Oh, hi, Mom.

Sarah,
what are you doing?

Reading...

... some poems
by Oscar Wilde.

I see.
Well, don't you think
you should read upstairs?

Well, I guess if Oscar Wilde
can come out of the closet,

so can I.

Very clever, darling.

Now, beat it.
- Right.

I'm sorry, Matty.

I've never seen
the children behave--

Oh.

What in the world?

Adam?

[Adam]
What?

What are you doing
in the fireplace?

Waiting for Santa?

Adam!

Well, it was nice
talking to you.

This is very strange.

Why don't we go in the kitchen
and I'll make some coffee.

Or maybe we could open
another bottle of wine.

I really don't understand
what's gotten into the kids.

I wouldn't worry
about them.

After all,
they're all upstairs now
and we're down here.

[yelps]
Jamie!

Get in here
this instant.

What were you doing
out there peeking in?

I wasn't peeking in.
You were peeking out.

Jamie, you were standing
right there staring.

[both scream]

Come on, Buddy.
Call.

Ring!
Ring!

- Ring!
Ring!

Buddy,
why didn't you call me?

I figured a good spy
doesn't call-in his report.

He comes back
with eye-witnesses.

Enter.

What's goin' on here?

Charles, you were right.

Lieutenant Whitford
is a leech.
- A letch.

That too.
I saw plenty.

It was great, Charles.

As soon as my stakeout
was blown,

I told Mrs. Powell
that I promised
to take the kids for ice cream.

Are you nuts?

Buddy, if you're here
with them,

Mrs. Powell is alone with him.

I don't believe it.
You were spying
on my daughter-in-law?

Adam,
what did you see?

Lieutenant Whitford
put his arm around Mom

and told her
how pretty she is.

But he's
an old friend.

Then, why'd he want us
to go to bed at seven o'clock?

Jamie, all they
were doing

was sitting on the sofa,
sipping wine.
- Hmm-mmm.

He just kept filling
her glass.

[gasps]
He's trying
to get her drunk!

Mr. Powell?

Home.

We're going home.

[♪♪]

Dad!
Charles!

What are you doing here?

Buddy,
where are the children?

Don't worry, Mrs. Powell.
I left the kids in the car.

Lembeck,
make sure those kids
don't come in here.

Mrs. Powell,
we had to come back.

Lieutenant Whitford
was going to do something
you might regret.

Oh, you're too late.
He already did.

We're too late.
He already did.

Speak of the devil.

Well, just in time,
Lieutenant.

We're about to play
a little game
of "Spin the Sailor."

Hold it, Charles.

I'm older.
I get to hit him first.

Stop it, both of you!
It's over.

Nothing happened.

Something happened.
Look at that shiner!

Not winking at me anymore,
are you, Lieutenant?

Matty was just leaving.

Go away, Matty.

Ellen, I'm sorry.

You'll be a hell
of a lot sorrier

if you're not out of here
in ten seconds.

[Lembeck]
Ow!

Charles, I owe you
an apology.

I guess I was
the only one around here

who didn't know
what was going on.

Oh, well.
Don't worry about it, Ellen.

Anyone can make a mistake.
You feeling all right?

Oh, sure.

Matty's an operator,
but he's not Jack the Ripper.

First, he got familiar.

Then he got aggressive.

And then, he got slugged.

Oh, I've had nights
like that.

I'll go get the kids.

[sighs]
Thanks, both of you.

It's really nice to have people
who care about you
and wanna protect you.

Anytime, Mrs. Powell.

Well, maybe something good
came out of this after all.

The way the two of you
went after Matty,
you were a team.

Maybe the time you spent
in the hospital together

gave you a chance
to know each other

and maybe even
like each other?

Right?

[in unison]
Right.

You think she bought it?
- I think she bought it.

I didn't buy it.
- [in unison]
She didn't buy it.

[♪♪]

Chocolate.
- Chocolate!

Pineapple.
- We don't have pineapple.

Oh, I left it
in the car.

All right.
You stay here and cook.
I'll get it.

Hey, Buddy.
You wanna see
Grampa's clam?

Oh.

Adam, that's disgusting.

Get rid of it.
Okay?

What you makin'?

Oh, it's called
Tropical Chocolate Surprise.

We gonna eat it?

That's the surprise.

You cook it
and then you throw it away.

One pineapple.

Oh thanks, Charles.

I tell you what.
Take a taste.

And, tell me what you think.
- All right.

[Buddy]
Huh?

Huh?

Have you ever
had that before?

Yeah.

And I think
I got it again.

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪

[fanfare]