02x09 - Pizza Parlor Protest

[bunniefuu]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪♪

♪♪

Luckily for you,
I'm a sophomore, and uh,

I can show you the ropes.

Now, i-it may require
some night work, but,

I'm willing to make
that sacrifice.

Charles!

Charles, I need
to talk to you!

You're not gonna believe
what just happened.

Hey, Buddy, I'm a little bit
busy right now, okay?

You see this young lady here?

She's a new student here, and
I'm gonna show her the ropes.

Oh.

Ooh!

Perchance I could assist you
in your endeavor, hm?

Not a perchance.

Well, I could live with that,

but I still need
to talk to you.

Will you excuse me
for one minute?

I have to speak
with my ex-friend.

Are you nuts?

What could you possibly
have to tell me,

that's more important
than what I was doing?

Look.

"A free order of french fries,

with any purchase
at Hamburger Harry's."

You interrupt
potential paradise,

to give me french fries?

It's the wrong side.
Turn it over!


Yeah, Buddy,
I've seen numbers before,

I'm not thrilled.

No, that's Laurie Adams'
unlisted phone number!

She's that gorgeous secretary,

that works at the college
administration building.

Look, you saw me sitting
with this girl, right?

Now, I wasn't just
talking to her.

I was establishing
a relationship,

that could last a lifetime.

- Hey, that's
terrific, Charles.
- Thank you.

What's her name?

I was about to ask her that
when you interrupted.

Hey, guys?

I need your advice.

Who's been going
to Hamburger Harry's?

Nobody, that's why they're
giving away free french fries.

What's up, Sid?

Well, I just got this letter,

from the Chairman of the
College Board of Trustees.

Let's see.

"The Board has selected
your property,

as one of two possible sites,

for the new
faculty parking lot."

What? They can't do that! Your
father owns this property!

No, he leases it
from the college.

That's what I said!
They can't do that!

Your father leases
this property!

The lease is about to expire.

I just filed an application
to renew it.

Uh, must be some
sort of a joke.

Nobody would tear down
Sid's Pizza Parlor.

I mean, this place
is a shrine.

Yeah, so why don't you call
the guy that wrote this letter?

Uh... Harrison Bartlett, and
ask him what it's all about.

Okay.

- It's gotta be a joke.
- It better be.

I mean, i-if they tear
this place down,

Sid will lose everything.

Hey, wait a minute.
What about us?

Buddy, this is like
my home away from home.

I love this place.

You know,
when I come to Sid's,

I feel like a king,
and this is my castle.

Well, don't look now, king,

but a knight
just took your queen.

See, that's it...

I-I hold you personally
responsible for that.

Because of you, I may have
lost the love of my life.

Oh, you mean old
what's-her-name?

I would have found out
her name!

Charles, look at
the bright side,

I got Laurie Adams'
unlisted phone number!

Like what,
I'm supposed to care now?

Guys...

- It wasn't a joke.
- What?

The Board of Trustees
votes on it next Tuesday.

My place has a 50/50 chance
of becoming a parking lot.

- Oh, we are in big trouble.
- W-What do you mean "we?"

Hey, Sid, we're all
in this thing together.

Yeah, that's right, Sid, it's
us three against the world!

Now, don't worry,

Charles will
think of something.

♪♪

Are you two still at it?

How long does it take to play
one game of chess?

Ellen, this is
very complicated.

You have to remember
every detail.

Whose move is it?

Uh, that's the detail
we're trying to remember.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Grandpa.
Guess what?

Today was career day
in school.

We all got to choose
the career,

we wanna study
for the next two weeks.

I picked Journalism.
I wanna be a reporter.

Oh, that sounds like fun.
What do you wanna do, Jamie?

Psychiatry.

Do you think that's crazy?

[laughing]

Everybody eats pizza,

and anyone who is anyone
eats at Sid's Pizza, right?

Right, and even if they can
prove scientifically,

that we can live
without pizza,

they can't claim that we
don't need a pizza parlor.

- That's right.
- Hello, boys.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Hi, Mrs. Powell.

We were just involved
in a problem.

Oh, good!
My first story!

Just give us
the facts, Charles.

Who, what, where,
when, and why.

Um, Sid, destruction,

pizza parlor,

s-soon, and parking lot.

You seem to be obsessed
with pizza.

Psychologically speaking,
that's very interesting.

No, Jamie, Charles
isn't obsessed with pizza.

He's obsessed with Sid.

Ooh, that's even
more interesting.

Relax.

No, they're talking
about tearing down
Sid's Pizza Parlor,

and putting in a parking lot.
Can you believe that?

They can't do that!

Adam, they're not
tearing down the pentagon.

It's just another
pizza parlor.

Oh, really?

Is Everest just
another mountain?

Is the Nile just
another river?

Is the Taj just
another Mahal?

Are you just another lunatic?

We're not talking
life and death.

We're talking
pepperoni and cheese!

Who wants to tear
the place down?

A guy named Harrison Bartlett,

from the College Board
of Trustees.

Can't they find another place
to put their old parking lot?

Well, they're considering
one other location, and uh,

the Board will vote
next Tuesday on it.

This is such an-an injustice,

such a-a travesty! Such a...

Uh...

What's the technical word,
Charles?

Bummer.

Maybe the Board doesn't know
how popular Sid's is.

Hey...
[stammering]

Maybe they don't know.

Maybe we can convince them,

that the students
at Copeland College,

need a place like Sid's.

Come on, Buddy,
I got an idea.

This is exciting!

Just like the student protests
of the '60s!

You know, when we
saw injustice,

we staged a protest.

Well, the students of the '80s
are a little different.

When we see injustice,
we throw a party.

Are we really gonna throw
a party, Charles?

Maybe.
[coughs]

What are you doing?

I'm getting something to eat.
Tension makes me hungry.

- What are you doing?
- Call Sid.

I have a plan. May have
a couple of holes in it,

but at least it's more
productive than eating.

Charles, eating
is how Mother Nature,

keeps us from dying.

I didn't invent it.
I just perfected it.

Hello, Sid?
Charles.

Yeah, listen, I have a plan
to save your pizza parlor.

Alright, what I want you to do
is call that head trustee guy,

what's-his-name,

yeah, Harrison Bartlett.
I want you to call him,

and talk him into coming over
to your place tonight.

No, your restaurant.

Yeah, no, look,
I don't care how you do it.

Just tell him that you have to
see him in person, okay?

And then call me back
and tell me what he says.

- Alright. Bye.
- Charles, I see your plan,
and I love it!

Guys, a student protest
isn't such a bad idea.

It may not be necessary,
Mrs. Powell.

Charles is trying to get
Mr. Bartlett,

down to Sid's tonight.

Yeah, you see, I figure
when Mr. Bartlett sees,

how popular Sid's place is,

then maybe he'll
persuade the Board,

to moving the parking lot
someplace else.

But what if Sid's
has a slow night?

Well, that's why I thought
we could throw a party.

You see, it's something
that'll attract
a lot of people.

Hey, maybe a theme party
or something.

Mrs. Powell, where was
the most fun you ever had?

Oh...

The most fun I ever had was...

On my honeymoon.

Mrs. Powell, really.

Oh, no, no!
[stammering]

My honeymoon was in Hawaii!

Charles, that's it!

We could turn Sid's
into a little Hawaii!

Hey, that's not bad.
I like that.

- [telephone ringing]
- I got it.

Powell residence.

Sid!

He did?

Great. Okay, oh!

Listen, throw a couple
of pineapples on the pizza.

[chuckles]
I'll explain later.

Alright.

Bartlett will be
at Sid's place tonight.

Now, I'll call
every girl I know.

- Me, too.
- Don't bother.

She's probably busy tonight.
[laughing]

See, now, if the place
is full of women,

all the guys will be drawn
there like magnets.

Charles, we're gonna need
some authentic Hawaiian music.

I'll hire the band.

Where're you gonna find
Hawaiian musicians?

Trust me, I know
what I'm doing.

So do I. You wanna audition
hula dancers.

So do I.
I'll see you later.

Alright.

- Hi, Buddy.
- Bye, Buddy.

- Charles, we have a plan.
- What?

- What's up?
- Right. Maybe I can
set up an interview,

with the Board of Trustees.

Then, while I'm
interviewing them,

Jamie can analyze
their answers.

Yeah, see, once you have
their psychological profiles,

you'll know just how
to deal with them.

Well, thank you,
ladies, but, uh,

I just thought
of this party theme,

and I'm gonna try
that first, okay?

Charles, I think
if nothing else works,

you should still try
a student protest.

We used to call it
flower power.

Well, Mrs. Powell, I'm gonna
try the party theme first.

If that doesn't work,

then I'll definitely try
flower power.

Well, keep the faith, and, um,

Peace!

Hey!

♪♪

Charles, how do things look?

Oh, pretty good, Sid.

Any word form our
trusty trustee?

Nope, not yet, but I'd better
get back and make some money,

for my old age.

- Buddy!
- Hey, dude!

You're late!

Yeah, I-I-I know, I've been
trying to call Laurie Adams,

but all I get is her
answering machine.

Even her taped voice is sexy.

Oh, you must be
emotionally drained.

- Buddy. Deena.
- Nice to meet you.

Where's the Hawaiian band?

Oh, don't worry, Charles.
It's in the bag.

Good, what time
will they be here?

They are here.

The Hawaiian band
is in the bag.

What, did they get dehydrated
on the trip over?

- Authentic Hawaiian music,
Charles.
- Oh, no.

The only two albums ever
recorded by Carl Kahanahala.

You were supposed
to hire a band.

N-Now look at this,
"Carl Kahanahala,

The Albuquerque Years."

Buddy, you were supposed
to hire a band.

A-And his second
and last album,

"Carl Kahanahala
Sings Tony Orlando."

Read my lips. You were
supposed to hire a live band!

Charles, you try hiring
a live Hawaiian band,

on short notice in New Jersey,

for $23.

Red alert!

Suit and tie have
entered the premises.

Oh, okay, excuse us
for a second.

[Charles clears throat]

Excuse me, sir.

Would you be Mr. Bartlett?

Yes, and you are?

I'm Sid, and these are
my close friends, uh,

- Charles.
- Pleasure, sir.

- And Buddy.
- Nice to meet you.

Very nice to meet you,
gentlemen.

Uh, would you like
to have a seat?

Uh, thank you.
Thanks very much.

My, my!

This is quite a place
you have here, Sid.

Yeah, sir, as you can see,

Sid's is by far the most
popular spot on campus.

Oh, absolutely!

Now, you did have
another site in mind,

for the faculty parking lot.

Uh, yes, uh...

Lot number 405, I believe.

Well, that's perfect!

O-Or the faculty could park
in Hamburger Harry's.

There's no one ever there.

Sid, you have done
a terrific job.

Thank you, Mr. Bartlett.

Now, sir, am I correct
that the, uh, Board
votes next Tuesday?

Well, unfortunately, no.

We met in a session
this afternoon, and,

well, the vote came up and,

Sid's Pizza Parlor
is coming down.

That's it?

I-It's over,
just like that?

I'm afraid so,

but if it's any consolation,

this is one whale
of a farewell party.

Aloha, boys!

♪♪

Light.

Dark.

Window.

Pane.

Sister.

Pain.

That is the wrong answer.

Jamie, there are no wrong
answers in word association.

Sarah, it's my test.
I'll make the rules.

Charles, save me!

My head's being shrunk
by an unlicensed psychiatrist!

Oh, I can't help you
right now, Sarah.

I'm feeling a little bit down.

They're taking my paradise,

and they're putting up
a parking lot.

You guys'll understand
how that feels,

when you're away from home.

Don't worry, Charles,
you'll think of something.

[doorbell rings]

I got it.

- Buddy, what're you doing?
- Hi, Charles.

I just came from seeing Sid.
I tried to cheer him up,

but it didn't work.

You gotta think of something.

Why does everybody
keep saying that?

How can I possibly
think of something,

when there's nothing
to think of?

Charles, why don't you
lie down on the couch
and talk about it?

But just give us the facts.

I think there's
a real story here.

Well, the story's over, Sarah.

Harrison Bartlett is closing
down Sid's Pizza Parlor.

- The end.
- Nothing is going right.

Every time I try
and call Laurie Adams,

on her unlisted number,
I get her answering machine.

I think she's
seeing other guys.

Good, paranoia!

What makes you think
she's seeing other guys?

Because her machine says,
"Please leave your name,

address, and
credit card number."

Come on, we're gonna be
late for class.

Oh, good morning

- Hi, Charles,
- Hi, Mrs. Powell.

Buddy. I was just
showing Adam, here,

how to make
student protest signs.

"Make pizza,
not parking lots."

That's very good, Mrs. Powell.

"All we are saying is,
give pizza a chance."

I'm afraid it's a little too
late for signs, Mrs. Powell.

The Board already made
its decision.

Oh, well, Adam help me
clean up this mess.

Thanks.

Charles, we've been talking
about your problem,

and there's something missing
from the story.

- What?
- No, why!

Why is Mr. Bartlett so anxious
to close Sid's Pizza Parlor?

Maybe he has
something to gain.

He does, a new parking lot.

Sure, that's what he says,

but I read
"All the President's Men,"

by Woodward and Bernstein.

Things aren't always
as they seem.

Sarah, Bartlett's just one guy
on the Board of Trustees.

But, you said he was
the Chairman of the Board.

He could have pushed
the vote through, couldn't he?

Yeah, why did they vote early?

What deep psychological reason
did he have,

for going down to Sid's when
he knew it was already over?

Maybe he hates pizza.

Maybe he hates me!

W-What could he possibly
have to gain?

Maybe nothing.

Maybe something.

That's what you need
to find out, Charles.

Sarah, you are a genius.

Jamie, eh.
[laughing]

Listen, Buddy, you said that
Laurie Adams works,

at the administration
building, right?

- Right.
- How well do you
really know her?

Well, I haven't dated her yet.

Good, then she probably
still respects you.

I want you to get
into Laurie Adams' files.

I'd love to.

Mrs. Powell, you work
for the state, right?

- Right.
- Can you help me get
some information, please?

Yeah, I'll try.

Okay, and can you drive us
to school now?

- Sure.
- Thanks, Buddy, come on.

We'll talk about it
in the car.

- See you later.
- Adam, come on.

You girls, make sure that
you're not late for school.

- Okay?
- Okay.

So, Jamie, tell me, how do you
like being a psychiatrist.

Why do you feel the need
to ask me that question?

Oh, Mr. Powell,
I thought you were Buddy.

I couldn't be.
God loves me too much.

[doorbell rings]

I got it.

- Oh, good, come on in.
- Sorry it took so long.

Buddy, Laurie Adams
gave it to you?

No, but she gave me
the stuff you wanted.

Let's see.

Ooh, yeah, yeah,
this is pretty good.

- Is this gonna do it for us?
- Yeah, it's a good start.

With what we have here,
and with what I hope
Mrs. Powell brings us,

we might be okay.

Now, all we have to do
is have one more meeting,

with this Bartlett guy.

Why don't we just go
to his office?

Come on, Buddy, he'll never
let us in his office.

If we could just get him,

on our turf.

What would make a guy
like Bartlett want to come,

and see a couple of guys
like us?

Wild horses dragging him
by his tongue?

Well, either that
or a lot of money.

That's it! That's, a-a-a
donation to the college!

Mr. Powell,
you have to help us!

As far as you're concerned,
I'm broke.

Sir, it won't
cost you a penny.

Charles, I spent
my whole life in the Navy.

I wasn't raised on junk food.
Plus, I don't even like pizza.

Well, we don't like Bartlett,

and we think he's doing
something dishonest.

Sir, all you have to do
is call this number,

and ask Bartlett
to come over to the house.

Tell him you wanna make
a donation to the college.

Oh, you want me to lie
to this man.

No, no!
Just, uh...

Just don't tell him the size
of the donation,

and I'll supply the money.

Alright, I'll do it.

- Thank you.
- Alright, g*ng way, g*ng way.

I'm gonna make
this phone call,

but then, you're on your own.

I don't want anything else
to do with it.

- Don't worry, I'll take over
as soon as he gets here.
- Alright.

Now, let's see, Mrs. Powell
usually gets home around 5:30,

so, uh, ask him to be here
by six o'clock.

Oh, and try to sound wealthy.

That's easy, my teeth
are paved with gold.

Charles, what if Mrs. Powell
doesn't come up with anything?

Well, we'll make stupid fools
of ourselves,

and probably go to jail.

Uh, no, sir, not you!
Just us stupid fools.

[doorbells rings]

[children] I got it!

I'll get it.

- Go get Charles.
- He's not here.

What do you mean
he's not here?

How can he not be here?

Easy, he left the house.

- Ugh.
- Mr. Powell.

Yes, come in.

- Harrison Bartlett.
- How do you do?

[chuckles]
You're a little early, huh?

- Oh?
- No, no, that's
perfectly alright.

Please, come in, sit down.

- May I? Thank you.
- Yes, please.

Thank you very much.

Well, Mr. Powell,

we were all delighted
to get your phone call,

and Copeland College
will be pleased,

and grateful to accept
your donation.

I bet you will.

Uh, but first of all,

tell me, what kind
of a military program,

do you people have?

None of your money
will be used,

to train people
for military service.

[laughing]

I'm gonna enjoy this.

Mr. Bartlett, you're early!

Excuse me, but aren't you
the two boys,

that I met last night?

Yes, sir, at Sid's.
Right before you crushed him.

- Is Mrs. Powell home yet?
- Uh, no, I'm afraid not.

Uh, I'm getting
just a little bit confused.

I came here
to meet Mr. Powell.

I know that, sir,
but I felt while you're here,

we could talk
about lot number 405.

The one you didn't choose,

to put the faculty
parking lot on.

That's right.
We checked that property out.

The only thing on it is
an abandoned storage building.

I'd rather not discuss
that just now.

Well, sir, according
to the record of your
last Board meeting,

you called a vote with only
three members present,

and it also says that
there were several,

possible locations
for the parking lot,

and you vetoed them all
except for Sid's.

If you'll excuse me, I have
some important things to do.

Mr. Bartlett,
that decision was yours.

Now, why do you wanna
put Sid's out of business?

What's in it for you?

Look, sonny.

If you're going
to make charges,

you'd better be prepared
to back them up,

because I think
you're bluffing.

Charles, bluffing?

- Ha!
- Yeah, ha!

[doorbell rings]

[children] I'll get it!

I'll get it.

- Mrs. Powell!
- Charles, I forgot my key,

but my friend at the
Bureau of Records,

got the goods
on Harrison Bartlett.

What goods?

- Who are you?
- I'm Harrison Bartlett!

Oh, you're the one!
Let me get my notebook!

So, which is it?

Do you hate pizza,
or do you hate me?

Remember, Mr. Bartlett,

you can always plead
temporary insanity.

I think you're all insane!

Why don't you kids go upstairs
and wash up for dinner.

Charles has something
to discuss with Mr. Bartlett.

Uh, Mrs. Powell,
why don't you call him
by his professional name...

Hamburger Harry!

You're kidding.
This guy owns the place,

that's in competition
with Sid's?

- Uh-huh.
- Right.

Excuse me, Hamburger.

It says here that
Hamburger Harry's,

is owned by
L and H Enterprises,

which is owned
by Sonbar Incorporated,

which is owned
by Mr. Harrison Bartlett.

Ooh! You're in trouble!

Just what do you people
want from me?

We want Sid's
to stay in business.

With a renewed ten year lease.

Yeah, and we don't want
you voting,

on any more
property decisions.

You could disqualify yourself.

Or better yet,
we could disqualify him.

Well,

I guess you're holding
all the aces,

so I guess you win the game,

but about that donation,
Mr. Powell.

You were very sincere.
You're an excellent liar.

Not at all, Harry.

You are an excellent liar.

I always tell the truth.

Charles?
Give me five.

Right.

Dollars.

Here's your donation,
Mr. Bartlett.

♪♪

You have to be very careful,

because a lot of the guys
in this college,

are only interested
in you for your mind.

Charles! Charles,
I need to talk to you!

Buddy, I'm not interested
in your love life right now.

Charles, it has nothing to do
with my love life,

but it's almost
that important.

- Great, later.
- No, later won't do!

It'll have to, Buddy.
I'm busy.

Charles, you're parked
in a no parking zone!

I don't care!

Well, maybe you don't,
but the police do.

They're towing away your car.

Ah...

Oh, Charles!

I gotta thank you
for saving my life!

Sid, you know what
this place needs?

A parking lot.

I don't own a car!

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪