02x22 - A Job from Heck

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

♪ The new boy in the
neighborhood lives downstairs ♪

♪ and it's understood he's
there just to take good care ♪

♪ of me like he's one of the
family Charles in Charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights
Charles in Charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs and our rights
and I sing I want ♪

♪ Charles in Charge of me
Charles in Charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights
Charles in Charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs and our rights
and I sing I want I want ♪

♪ Charles in Charge of me ♪♪

♪ ♪

- Hey!
- Charles, my boy.

Mr. Powell, you're home!

Yes, I know, I recognize
the furniture.

What's the matter
with you, Charles?

Nothing, sir, I'm just happy
to see you, so I'll leave.

Charles, oh Charles, guess what?

Adam, hold that thought,
I'll see you tomorrow.

Tell me Adam, Grandpa always
has time to listen to you.

So do I Adam,
but technically I'm off duty.

- Charles!
- What?

You can't leave now,
I want to talk to you.

- Hi, everybody!
- Hi, Mom!

Hi kids.
Charles, are you all right?

No, he's fine Ellen,

he's just too busy
to talk to the children.

Come on kids,
let's go raid the ice box.

- Refrigerator grandpa!
- What's the difference?

Electricity!

Mrs. Powell, I have been
talking to the kids,

everyday, non-stop
for about a week.

Oh, believe me Charles,
I understand.

It can be very wearing
with a school holiday,

and the kids being home
all the time.

- Yes.
- And then on top of that,

- you have your college work
to do.
- Yes, yes.

Plus, your mother's in town,
making demands on your time.

Yes, yes, yes.

By the way, your mother
called this morning,

and said to remind you that
you're taking her out tonight.

I know that, yes.

Isn't your mother
going back home tomorrow?

Uh, that's what she says, yes.

Oh, you're going to miss her
when she leaves.

I know that,
but I enjoy missing her.

I mean, I love seeing her,

but missing her also gives
me a warm feeling.

Hi Mom.
Charles, I'm glad you're here.

I want to show you
what I bought at the mall.

- Aren't they great!?
- Oh, mm-hmm.

Jaime, I sent you to the mall
with my credit card

to buy a pair of school shoes!

Uh, I think I should
be going now.

Charles, here's the good news...
They were on sale!

$165.00 boots, for only $95.00!

$95.00!

That's really nice,
I should be going.

This is not nice, Charles.

Jaime you're going
to return these boots!

Mom, they were on sale,
no refunds, no exchanges.

- Oh well, I have to go now.
- Charles, here's the surprise!

I do need these boots.
I've been invited,

to go to Atlantic City
with some friends,

and sensible shoes
would be totally uncool.

Atlantic City?
With what friends?

School friends, there'll be
three girls and three boys.

But don't worry,
Bonnie Carver's older sister

is going along
to chaperone.

We'll be staying in separate
motel rooms from the boys!

What?

I'm picking up some
negative vibes here!

Charles, what do you think
about my trip?

Oh, I'd say your timing
is a little off, Jamie.

Give it about 10 years.

Yes, and Jamie, I don't want
to hear the words boy and motel

in the same sentence!

So you mean, I bought
these boots for nothing?

No, you bought them for $95.00!

And young lady,
every penny of that

is going to come out
of your allowance.

Charles!

Well, I'd love
to help you Jamie,

but there's something
I really have to do.

What do you have to do
that's so important?

Leave!

I'm, telling you Buddy,
it is a conspiracy.

The kids are driving me right
to the brink of insanity,

so my mother can just,
like, push me over the edge!

Yesterday, I had to solve

And last night, in the best
restaurant in town,

my mother takes out
a Swiss Army knife

from her purse
and cuts my meat up for me!

Wake up and smell the pizza.
Look around you.

Your mother's not here,
the kids aren't here,

- you're at Sid's.
- That's right, Buddy.

That's right, I come here
to get away from the pressure.

This is my only refuge.

Here I can sit, relax,
talk to you a while.

And then dump you
for that girl.

- Who is she?
- Get over here!

That is Karen Lawson of the
"I have my own apartment

off campus" Lawsons.
She's in my history class.

Wait a minute,
she has her own apartment?

- Uh huh.
- And you haven't
gone out with her yet?

What's wrong with her?

She's only been in town
a week Buddy,

and I've been so busy
babysitting Sarah, Adam, Jamie,

and my mother to go out
with anybody!

Well, I'm not busy,
so I guess I'll make my move.

No, no, wait, wait, wait,
you'd better let me try first,

Buddy, just in case there is
something wrong with her.

Look, if I'm not back in a
week, call the paramedics okay?

Hey, Karen! Still mad at me
about the other night?

Go away, Daryl.

Hey come on, so you proved
you're a little hard to get.

Give me another shot
at it okay?

Go away Daryl!

Yeah, go away Daryl,
she's with me.

Oh Charles, you're late!

Gee, I thought
you weren't gonna come.

[in unison]
Go away Daryl!

Thanks for rescuing me,
Charles.

Daryl Furman was the first man
I met when I got here.

Yeah, I made the mistake,
of going out with him.

Yeah, I heard he can be
pretty aggressive on a date.

Aggressive? That's like saying
Jack the Ripper
was a tad pushy.

I like a little romance.

The minute he found out
I had my own apartment,

he had only one thing in mind.

The swine, you know,
guys like him,

give romantic guys
like me a bad name.

Oh Charles, I don't think
you're like that!

I'm not, that's why I thought
we could go out tomorrow night.

Okay, I'll meet you
tomorrow night...

- Excuse me!
- Hello, Mother.

Hello, Son.

I would rather
drink muddy water

then interfere with this
conversation.

I appreciate that, Mom.
That's all right.

This is Karen Lawson,
Karen this is...

Just call me Lillian.

Charles, I really need
to speak to you.

Oh, I should be going anyway.
I'll see you tomorrow Charles.

- Seven o'clock.
- Nice meeting you, Lillian.

- What's up, Mom?
- Well I stopped by the house,

and you weren't there.

I made a very important
decision today.

- I can't go home tomorrow.
- Why not?

Because... I am going to die.

Mom, Mom, don't say that.

What do you mean
you're going to die?

If I go back to
Scranton tomorrow,

I'll die... of boredom.

Mom, there's no reason
for you to be bored.

Now, I keep telling you...
Get involved in something.

Get the insurance money and
invest in a little business

like a launderette or
a bowling alley,

or one of those
fingernail repair shops.

- You hate me, don't you.
- No, Mom, I don't hate you.

There's just no reason
for you to be here.

All your friends are
back in Scranton.

Well, I only have a very few
close friends back there,

and I don't like any of them.

Ever since your father's gone
I have no one... but you.

Ma, how much longer are you
planning on staying here?

Three or four days,
twelve at the most.

Honey, I'm just not ready
to go back yet.

Mom, I'd love you to stay,
I really would,

but remember our rule:
Sid's is off limits to mothers

and to children with the last
name of Powell.

Oh, yeah.

Mom, how could you
bring them here, Mom?

I come here to get away
from their problems.

What do they want?
Never mind.

What do you want?

A small pepperoni and onion
pizza to go please.

Don't get cute with me, Adam!

You broke in here
carrying a concealed problem,

now what is it?

He doesn't have a problem,
Charles, he just wants a pizza.

Ah-ha, so you're the one
with the problem.

- No.
- Here you go Adam.

Don't worry about him, Sarah.
He can take care of himself.

He's a grown up, and his hair
is sticking straight up.

Come on, that never used to
happen when I cut his hair.

- Hi Everybody!
- Well hi!

Mom, I'll be able to pay for
those boots in no time at all.

All you have to do,
is sign this work permit.

Oh sweetheart, I think you're
too young to get a job.

Charles, help me.

Well, it's none of my
business Jamie,

but, uh, if somebody
were to ask me,

I'd say that getting a job,

might give you the sense
of responsibility

you didn't show
when you bought those boots.

Thats a very good point
Charles.

It's a very good point!

And I will be glad to take
her out to look for a job.

I mean, if you would
like me to.

All right, Jamie,
you have my permission

to go look for a part-time job.

Thank you, and when I pay back
for the boots,

I can go to Atlantic City with
my friends, right?

- Wrong!
- Charles, say something.

Mrs. Powell, I insist...
let me clear the dishes.

Thank you, Charles.

Lillian, why don't we have our
coffee in the living room?

We'll go job hunting.

Thanks for helping me
with the job.

But now, if you'd just
tell Mom

that it's okay to go to
Atlantic City with boys...

I mean, we would
have a chaperone!

Let me tell you something.

See, every boy, even nice boys,

have this little evil alien
that lives inside of him.

Now most of the time, this
alien guy is quiet... but,

when a guy gets a girl alone,
the alien takes control,

and turns the boy into
a sex maniac.

Now, a chaperone can't stop him.

Clint Eastwood and a SWAT team
couldn't stop this guy.

Understand?

Yeah, but I don't think
I believe you.

Is it true that an evil alien
takes control over a boy

whenever he's alone
with a girl?

No, it even happens
when he's in a crowd.

But you're not like that,
are you Charles?

Do you turn
into a sex maniac

when you're alone with a girl?

Well, I'm one of
the few exceptions, Jamie.

You know, when I go out
with a girl,

I'm only interested
in her mind.

The concert was lovely.

There's nothing better then
sitting under the stars

listening to beautiful music.

Except sitting under the stars
and making beautiful music.

You're very sensitive, Charles.

I know that, I often cry
at hockey games.

If you want, we could leave now
and go over to my apartment.

Well, only if you want to,
I mean, I'm in no real hurry.

See I believe in tuning
the strings of romance,

before playing
the concerto of love.

That's exactly
the right answer.

Welcome to Sid's!

My name's Jamie,
may I take your order?

- What are doing here?
- I'm working here.

So do you want pizza
or what?

- No!
- I'd love one.

- With anchovies.
- You got it.

You know, Karen, I've been
thinking, maybe we should

go back to your apartment.

Charles, I thought you wanted to
tune the strings of romance?

Well, my strings
are pretty well tuned,

how are yours doin'?

They just went a little flat.

Maybe if we got back
to where we were,

before the waitress walked in.

Charles!

- Guess who's working here!?
- I'm working here!

Oh, what a coincidence,
so is Jamie.

Excuse me.

Jamie, why are you here?
Who sent you?

You did, Charles.
If it hadn't been for you,

Mom would never let me
get a job.

But aren't you working
a little late?

No, I'm just filling in
for another girl

for two nights,
I usually get off at eight.

All right Jamie, big question,
why, why are you working here?

Oh, that was Aunt Lillian's
idea, she thought, you know,

since Sid knows me, I'd have a
good chance of getting hired.

She was right!

My mother, my own mother.

Jamie, waitressing is hard work.
Now, you hate hard work.

But I love this hard work!

Thanks, Charles.
I owe it all to you.

Of all the pizza joints
in all the world,

why does she have to
walk into mine?

Buddy, where's Karen?
Buddy, where's Karen?

- She's in the ladies room!
- Oh, great.

You know I'm very surprised you
allowed Jamie to work here.

My mother got her
the job, Buddy!

I'm tellin' you,
it's a conspiracy!

I gotta get Jamie outta here

before she destroys
my social life!

Wait, wait a minute.
What are you worried about?

She's seen you
with chicks before.

Buddy, I-I made this big speech
about how I'm only interested

in a girls mind,
I can't shatter her illusions.

Karen, I'm really glad you're
back, I really missed you.

Sit down, excuse me.

Listen, Jaime, the thing is,
I'm trying to have

an intellectual conversation
with that young lady
over there.

Now, I babysit during the day,
I don't think I should have to

do it at night as well.

Babysit?! Charles,
I'm not a baby!

I never asked you for help!

Buddy, it's been nice
to see you,

why don't we do lunch sometime?

Uh, Karen, it's been
really nice seeing you.

Let's do everything sometime.

Now, where were we?

I was here,
you were helping a waitress.

Oh, I'm sorry Karen.
I'll tell you what,

why don't we start over okay?

You know, you are so beautiful.

You have the face of...
Sigmund Freud.

Who once said there are
oral personalities

...and a**l personalities

and uh, I don't think we can
put everybody into those

two categories, do you?

No, there are also
split personalities,

and speaking of split,
I'm about to.

That's a great idea,
let's go back to your place.

- My apartment?!
- Yeah.

You're acting just like
that Daryl Furman!

Look at him over there,
hitting on that waitress.

Excuse me.

What are you whispering
in her ear?

Pepperoni, I was
just ordering a pizza.

- What's your problem?
- You're my problem!

Next time, phone
your order in!

I don't want your whisper
anywhere near that girls ear!

You understand!
Karen! Karen!

Excuse me!

Hey, Charles!
Where've you been hiding?

You haven't been down here
in days?

I'm mad as hell,
I'm not gonna take it
anymore, Buddy.

No more babysitting,
no more!

I invited Karen over here,

and we were going to spend
a romantic evening together,

and let the plates fall
where they may.

- Hey, Charles.
- What?

Here she comes.
Look at those eyes.

Look at those lips,
look at those...

I love a girl
that has two of everything!

Karen, I'm really glad
you could make it.

Excuse me, Buddy.

Listen, I want to, uh,
I want to explain to you

about the other night
you see...

I take care of three kids,
and that little waitress

Is one of the kids that
I take care of.

You see, she's never had
a job before

and I had to kinda like keep
an eye on her.

Very charming Charles, but we
were supposed to have a date.

I didn't come here
to watch you babysit.

I know that, that's why I
promise you it'll be different.

I will devote all of my
attention to you okay?

- Charles!
- What?

Jaime's leaving early!

That's too bad Buddy,
we'll miss her.

- Yeah, she's leaving
with Daryl!
- What!? Excuse me.

- Charles, I'll be right here
if you need me.
- Great.

Daryl, where you goin'?

- Charles!
- Stay outta this!

I'm just taking her home.

What did I tell you
the other day?

You told me to stay away
from her, so what!

Come on, buzz off Charles!

Look, I'm not gonna tell you
again, stay away from her!

Hey, are you nuts?
Come on take it easy, Charles!

She's 14 years old, Daryl!

and she's leaving with me,
you got it!?


Get out of here!
Get out of here!

Hello, remember me?

Buddy's the name, romance is my
game, you want me, don't you?

Jaime, you were in way over
your head tonight.

This guy Daryl, is a pro.
He owns a van and a water bed!

So what's wrong with that?

The water bed
is inside the van!

Charles, I can take
care of myself!

Jaime, not with Daryl!

You don't understand.
See, I know this guy

he doesn't take no
for an answer!

Charles, I'm not a child!

You're treating me the same way
you're mother treats you!

Hmm... I'm not sure that's such
a bad thing anymore.

Jaime, I'm treating you as a
person, a person I care about.

Uh, fine, you don't believe me?
Come here, come on!

- Who you calling?!
- Someone you can believe!

Hello, Karen, this is Charles.

Look, I know you probably
think I'm wacko,

and you might even hate me.

But I also know that you'd want
to keep a 14 year old girl

from making a serious mistake.

Yeah, look, I want you to tell
her about your date

with Daryl Furman okay?

All right,
hold on this is Jaime.

Say hello, and then listen.
Hello, yes, yeah...

He did what?!
What's that?

No! I really don't want to hear
anymore, thanks Karen.

Hmm, hmm, okay.
Thanks, Karen.

Yeah, look, if you want to go
out sometime...

Buddy what are you
doing there?!

Yeah, that's what I figured
you were doin', goodbye!

Hey, Jaime, I'm sorry you had
to hear all that.

But remember what I told you
about the evil alien.

This guy Daryl is
the evil alien.

I know, and I didn't know
how evil that alien could be.

- Thanks, Charles.
- Hmm, okay.

All right ,forget about it.
That's how we live and learn

and get to be grown ups like me.
Get out of here.

You gotta work in the morning,
get some sleep.

No, I don't.
I quit my job tonight.

You quit?! You mean I went
through all that for nothing?

No, I earned enough money
to pay for my boots,

and that's all I ever wanted.

How did you earn
that much money?

Oh, it was a snap, I figured if
I dropped a lot of dishes

and things, people would
feel sorry for me.

It worked, I made a bundle
in tips!

Good night Charles,
and thanks again.

Get outta here.

- Ooooh, hi Charles.
- Hello, traitor.

Come on, the only reason
I took Karen home,

was because you were
busy with Jaime.

Yeah, then how come you have
that stupid grin on your face?

I don't know,
it's been there all day long,

Even Karen noticed it when
she woke me up this morning.

I'm kidding!
Perhaps.

Forget it Buddy, you can't get
to me today, life is too good.

That's, that's because, Jaime
doesn't work here anymore,

and your mother's
going out of town,

which means you can't
mother Jaime,

and your mother can't mother
you, which is kind of a
motherless existence.

Another pearl from that oyster
you call a brain.

I have no more problems Buddy.
Sid's is secure again!

This place is mine!
All mine!

- Excuse me, sweetheart,
- Mom! Sit down!

I don't mean to interrupt,
Hi, Buddy.

I know you don't like
me to hang out

where you let it all hang out,

but I just had to tell you
the good news.

Oh, really? What?

I took your advice, I invested
in a small business.

Oh great, Mom.
When are you leaving?

Never, I just bought
Sid's Pizza Parlor!

♪ ♪

[knocking on door]

Yeah, come in.

Charles, can I talk to you
for a minute?

Hi, sure.
What's up?

Well, you know how you were
telling me about the evil alien

- that lives inside of boys?
- Yeah.

I have a confession to make.

I already met one of those
evil aliens,

- up real close and personal.
- Who was it?

Steven Berkle.

Shy, wimpy, insecure little
Steven Berkle?

Yeah, I mean last night his
evil alien took over

and he turned into
a sex maniac!

- Well, what happened?
- He kissed me, Charles!

The real Steven would never
have done a thing like that!

Well, that's too bad Jaime,

but, at least you learned
something from it.

Yeah, I learned I like his
evil alien

even better than I like Steven!

♪ ♪