01x22 - La puce à l'oreille

[bunniefuu]

Fleas

Greetings dear sun.

There we go, I'm up.

Wash...

All done. And now...

time for breakfast.

- Move over.

Careful, sir. Sir!

- Your royal left hand
is clean, Your Majesty.

- M. de La Quintinie.

- Ah! Thank you.
It is an honor to wash the royal

right hand of his Majesty.

- Mother, did you notice Bazire this morning?

He's behaving strangely.
Oh!

Tane, Ponne.

- Now what?

- Mother looks strange.

Come on.

Mother,

are you all right?
-Don't come near me Belfort.

Leave me alone, please,
all of you get out of here.

- Yes, Mother.

- I said out!

- Ah? Mother,

what's going on?

Do you have fleas?

- Alas, yes.

You must keep your distance
and observe the utmost discretion.

No one must know but you.

- Yes mother, you have my word.

- What am I going to do about
the royal walk this afternoon?

When the animals in the menagerie see
me scratching, they'll know I've got fleas.

- I'll be humiliated, disgraced.

- No. Mother, I'll help you get
rid of those fleas before the walk.

- Belfort, be discreet.

- I promise Mother.

Where's Bazire?

Usually, it's Bazire who looks for me,
never the other way around.

- Good heavens!
Belfort, stay away!

- What?

- Belfort, no!
I don't want to give my fleas to the king's dog!

It's Versaille here.

- Good heavens!

Bazire has fleas too.

- Hi Belfort.

Why are you chasing Bazire?
It's usually the other way around.

- Hello Lupin.
I wanted him to look after my mother.

- Has something happened to Diane?

- I'm afraid so.
Promise me you'll keep it a secret.

- I promise.

- Mother has fleas.

And Bazire's got them, too.
He won't be able to help us.

- Fleas... Are not a big deal.

- Yes it is! It's extremely serious.

For a royal dog, it's a disaster,
the ultimate dishonor.

- It itches, that's all.

- It's a humiliation.
Mother's afraid it'll get out.

I promised to help her get rid of them,
but without Bazire's help,

I don't know what to do.

- I know a way to keep
these little critters away.

She has to roll around in a mint bush.

- Wonderful! There's some
in the royal kitchen garden.

- My poor Lupin. They've
waxed this floor again.

- We must hurry Lupin!
If someone sees you here...

Oh! Mother's gone.

- Where do you think she is?

- My master is at the cabinet meeting.

His room is empty.

She must have gone there to hide.

Mother?

Mother!

Mother, are you there?

- Hey!

- Mother, here's some help.

- A wolf here?
Have you lost your mind?

- Bazire can't help us,
because he also has fleas.

But Lupin knows a remedy.

- Belfort, how dare you talk to
that wild animal about my problem?

It must be his fault.
He's the one who gave me fleas,

since you spend all your time with him,
despite my prohibitions.

- Lupin

isn't responsible of your fleas.
Neither he nor I caught any.

- Take that!

- We don't have a choice,
Lupin is your only chance.

- My disgrace was not to be revealed.

I can't accept this wolf's help,
he's not from our world.

- OK. If that's the way you feel about it,

why don't you go roll around
in the mint between yourselves?

Ah, just to clarify, the cat's coming.

- You see, Lupin,

this is where my master spends his nights.

- Is it? It looks very comfortable, his
kennel, well, his basket, uh, his bed.

- Well, well, Lupin is in the castle,
again,

what brings you here this time?
And in the room where I'd come to take my nap.

- Sorry, Ariane, I wanted to show
Lupin the beautiful fabrics on the canopy.

- Yes, the canonopy, the fabrics,
all of that.

It's really hyper-stylish.

- Wouldn't be calmer in the Queen's office?

- For real, what are you up to?

- Stay back or they'll jump all over you.

Do you have fleas, Lupin?

Yeah.

Yes, that's it.

Oh, the big bad wolf
has big bad fleas.

- The Queen's office you said?

- Thanks, Lupin, but you shouldn't have.

Everyone in Versaille will think
you have fleas and laugh at you.

- Well, don't worry. I'm used to being
laughed at in Versailles. I don't mind.

- Thanks, son. What a shame if
Ariane had discovered my secret!

- You're welcome Mother.
But you should thank Lupin.

- Certainly.

Thank you, wolf.

- You're welcome. Between fleabags,
we must help each other a little.

- Mother, let me remind you
that Lupin knows a remedy,

to keep fleas at bay: roll in mint.

- A great remedy for a great evil.

- The coast is clear. This way, please.

Hurry up!
Note: "Secouez-vous les puces" is a French expression meaning in
this setting "to hurry". The literal translation is "Shake your fleas".

Lupin!

- Oh! There's Bazire.

- Lupin, please.

- The mint is

right over there.

As long as M. de La Quintinie is present,
we can't get near.

- Why don't you go give him puppy eyes
and ask for scratches? As usual.

- What do you mean by scratches?

puppy eyes?

Belfort, I hope this is a bad joke.
You'd never do stuff like that?

No, no.
Never, Mother, never.

Lupin, the rake.

- Great idea.

- There you go

my little ones. You'll be able to
mature nicely with all that light.

- The plague on gardeners who leave
a rake lying around. Holy mackerel!

Bernard!

- What horrible manners!
I don't approve at all.

- Mother, the coast is clear.
Let's go.

Certainly, yes.

- All right, all right!

Come on, do as I do.
It smells great, you'll like it.

- How careless!

- Mother, your turn.

- Yes...

Well?

- Oh no!

It still itches.

- It's ineffective.

- That's weird.

- Hey, Lupin! I recognize your
voice. So, I hear you've got fleas?

- Ah, rumors travel fast in
Versailles. Yeah, I got fleas.

I wanted to get rid of them by rolling
around in mint, but it doesn't work.

- It's normal, mint is a repellent. It prevents you
from catching them. Not getting rid of them.

- Ah, that's why.

- Of course, Mint doesn't work
for getting rid of fleas.

- I'm sorry.

- Mother, now that we rolled in mint,

there's no need to move away,
the fleas won't come near us.

- Even if they did, it's not that bad.

- You're wrong.

For us, it's a disgrace.
- Absolutely, alas.

It's almost time for the walk.

I refuse to participate
and become the laughingstock of the court.

- Let's go to the library and get
some information on a flea remedy.

- Well, you go without me. I
can't risk running into anyone.

- We'll have a remedy before the walk.

Why do these wooden floors hate me so much?

- Do me a favor, will you?

Take over from me for the dog walk.

Please, Bontemps.

- No, no and no.

It's not part of my job description.

- Come on, please! The dogs
know the route, especially Belfort.

- No need to insist.

I said no! I've got enough on my plate.

- Oh well, since that's the case,
we'll have to use the big g*ns.

Even the smell of my
feet doesn't repel them.

- Yuk! What's that stench?

- It's Bazire's remedy, but it's proving ineffective.
It's up to us to find one that works.

"Clyster", "poultice", "bloodletting".

- Oops! How we meet again.

Decidedly, impossible to get rid of you.

- Hey, isn't it the cat.

- What are you looking for?

- A flea remedy.

- For Lupin's, who doesn't
itch anymore, by the way.

- Oh, it itches.
I itch more than I used to.

- Nice try, Lupin.
But I've seen better actors.

- If you don't mind, we've got work to do.

- This volume is full of complicated scientific words.
I don't understand a word.

- Ah, well anyway,
I don't really care who has fleas, really.

But I do know of a very effective remedy that
my master M. Vauban, once used on me.

- Ariane, you once had fleas? You?

- Yes, like everyone else.

- Almost everyone.

- Ariane, tell us about this famous remedy.

- Cider vinegar. My master had soaked a towel
with it to rub it into the skin.

Thank you Ariane.

Thank you very much.

- Yes, thank you, cat.
I hope it works on my nasty fleas.

- We have a towel. It's almost time for the walk.
Let's find the cider vinegar.

- Don't worry, I'll see to it.

That's the stuff.
It stings the nose and smells like apples.

- It's cider vinegar.
Well done, Lupin!

- Mother, are you there?

- Yuk! It's so disgusting.

- Where did mother go?

- Hey, Artus, Marcus!

Have you seen Diane?

- We don't want to catch your fleas.

- Up there, you're safe. Fleas don't fly.

- You never know.
Bye!

- I've changed my mind. These
rumors make my hair stand on end.

Damn!

The walk has started.
Let's make haste, quickly!

- Ah, Bazire.

Belfort often misses the walk.

Make sure it doesn't happen again.

- Yes, Your Majesty.

- And ask the pastry chef to make some

cookie.

- Yes, Your Majesty.

- No, it's too late,
they're on their way to the menagerie.

Mother will be mocked, humiliated.

- That's enough now.

Your mother can scratch herself
if she wants to. Trust me

Everyone gets fleas, even snobby lapdogs.

- Ah, yes. I suppose you're right.
I'll go support Mother.

- Oh, ew.

- There you are, Belfort.
You deign to accompany us.

- Belfort, my itching is unbearable.
I can't hold it anymore. I'm at a loss.

- Mother, I assure you that having fleas
is nothing to be ashamed of.

It happens to all dogs.

Cats too, for that matter.
Ariane confided in me that she's already had them.

- Ariane?
- Yes.

Be confident.

If you keep your head up,

no one will dare make fun of
the queen of animals,

even if you scratch yourself.

- Did you see that?
Diane scratched herself.

- It looked to me like she was scratching.

- Above all, I see her distinction, her grace,

her head carriage. A queen

in every situation.
Let's take a leaf out of her book.

- Diane has fleas, Bazire.
Do what's necessary.

- Yes, Your Majesty.
- Why are you squirming like that?

- No reason at all.

I'm worried about Diane. It must be
very unpleasant to have fleas like her.

- Very unpleasant, as you say, Bazire.
I'll carry on without you.

Look, he has fleas.
He squirms like a worm.

- He looks ridiculous. He
should be ashamed of himself.

- Tane, Ponne, enough!

- Here's the flea remedy,
Mother. May I apply it?

- Yuck.

- Thank you, my son.

- May I take my leave, Mother?

- I consent, but be back before dark, and
take this towel to Bazire before you go.

The poor man's a sight for sore eyes.

- Cider vinegar? How did
I not think of this before?

- Once again, Belfort will be wandering
around with that fleabag?

- I would ask you to stop uttering this insult, and
in future, to show more respect for other animals.

Including common ones.

- my dear Lupin, you were admirable.

Letting yourself be accused of having fleas
to protect mother, I'll never forget that.

- And I'd do it again. Ridicule
doesn't k*ll and it'll all be forgotten.

- Emergency!

Do not approach. Fleas in the area!

- A wolf full of fleas. Don't come near.

- People think Louis XIV's
court didn't wash. It isn't true.

Showers didn't exist, and water
was thought to bring disease.

To wash, the skin was rubbed with a piece of cloth
soaked in alcohol, called a "toilette" [wash mitt].

Hence the expression
"faire sa toilette" [wash yourself].

The Sun King took baths. He had a marble room built
with an enormous bathtub, called the bathing apartment.

The courtiers were thought to have smelled bad, but they
mainly used perfume to camouflage the odors of the stables,

kitchens, corridors where
some people relieved themselves.

There were no flush toilets. The public toilets and 350 perforated
chairs in the castle were not enough for the whole court.