03x05 - Infatuation

[bunniefuu]

.

♪ ♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge
of me ♪♪

Try it, you'll like it.

Thanks, Mom.

Charles, you're in deep trouble,
and I can prove it.

You wanna have fun
this afternoon?

No, I can't.
Linda's coming over.

Okay.
How about tomorrow?

No, tomorrow
I'm going over to Linda's.

See, that's what I mean!

You know what I'm hearing,
Charles?

I'm hearing, "Goodbye, Buddy,
and hello marriage."

Buddy, I happen to be
deeply in like with Linda, okay?

We have a lot in common.

We like the same movies,
the same books.

We both like animals.

We even like the same baseball,
basketball, and football teams.

And she remembers
all the scores.

I mean, how often do you meet
a girl that likes pets,

never forgets,
and bets on the Mets,
the Nets, and the Jets?

You've been waiting
your whole life to say
that to me, haven't you?

Charles,
your mother introduced
you to her.

Now, that's the first step
towards the altar.

Will you stop, Buddy?
My mom knows I'm not ready
to get married.

Charles.

Isn't this a beautiful
wedding gown?

Speaking of wedding gowns,
Charles was just telling me
how much he likes Linda Martin.

He was?
Oh.

You don't know
how happy that makes me.

I love Linda.

She's so clean and cheerful.

I've always wanted
to have some clean
and cheerful grandchildren.

Yeah, Mom, well, you know,
I'm not ready to get married,
quite yet.

Well, of course you're not.
You have to finish school first.

But, when you meet someone
as nice as Linda,

it would be wise for you
to hold onto her

until you're ready
to get married.

Uh-huh.

Hey!
Speak of the devil.

Hi ya, Linda.

Hi, Lillian.
- Oh, Linda, Linda.

Hi, Buddy.
Hello, Charles.

How are you?
Listen.

I got the new
Quincy Jones album.

I thought we'd spend
the rest of the afternoon
listening to it in my room.

Uh, didn't you tell him?
- No, I thought you did.

Oh, I'm-I'm gonna spend
the afternoon with Linda, today.

I'm sorry.

Oh!
No, no, no.
That's okay, Mom.

I'll see you tonight, Charles.

And, I'll be thinking
about you all day.

Okay, I'll be thinking
about you, too.

What a nice couple.

Come on, Linda.
- Bye, Mom.

Bye.

[humming "Here Comes the Bride"]

Knock it off.

Charles,
is Linda coming over today?

Yeah, she was just here.
She left with my mom.

Yeah,
they're planning the wedding.

I'm not marrying anybody
until after graduation.

Really?
You're getting married
after you graduate from college?

No, Sarah,
after you graduate
from college.

All right, look.

Linda is my girlfriend
and we go together, okay?

It does not mean
we're getting married.

[humming "Here Comes the Bride"]

I hate that song.

Charles, I need a favor.

You've heard me talk
about Colonel Barkley,
my friend out at Camp Kilmer?

Well, his little daughter
is in town for a visit,

and I thought you'd...
keep an eye on her
for a few days,

while he's on maneuvers.
- You mean, babysit?

No, no, I just want you
to keep her entertained.

Oh, uh, well,
how old is she?

Well, I guess she must be
about 21 by now.

Oh, well.

Mr. Powell, would you say
that this girl is attractive,

or more of a bow-wow?

I would say that beauty
is in the eye of the beholder.

[silently]

I'm not asking you to marry her.

Far from it, Colonel Barkley
is a former Green Beret.

You lay one finger
on his little girl Trish...

... he'll bite
your kneecaps off.

Well, as attractive
as that offer sounds,
Mr. Powell, uh...

I'm very committed
to Linda, right now.

Do you think I'd trust you
with little Trish,

if you weren't committed
to Linda?
- No, sir.

Okay, then it's settled.

I'll get little Trish
and bring her right over.

Okay.

Oh boy, Charles, you really
stepped in it this time.

Well, if this girl is a dog,
you can't dump her,

and if she isn't a dog,
then Linda may dump you.

Buddy, I-I'm committed to Linda,
and she also happens
to be my friend!

Uh, why would she dump me?

[scoffs]

You think she wants
to be friends with a guy
who has no kneecaps?

Why not?

I'm friends with a guy
who has no brain cells.

Oh, Charles,
I'm glad you're here.

Did Linda get back yet?
- No, why?

We thought maybe
she'd like to win a prize.

She already did.

Me.

No, Charles.
A valuable prize.

Our school's selling
raffle tickets.

Yeah, the tickets
are only a dollar apiece.

How many do you want?

Oh, sorry, Sarah.
I can't buy any raffle tickets.

I'm on a very strict budget.

Hey, Charles.
You want to go out back
and sh**t some hoop?

Oh, sorry, Adam, I can't now.

I have to babysit
for your grandfather.

I'll bet.

Are you really babysitting
for Grandpa?

Well, sort of.

He asked me to, uh,
entertain the daughter
of a friend of his.

Is she old enough
to buy a raffle ticket?

Yeah, she's 21.

You're babysitting
a 21 year old woman?

What will Linda think?

What, she'll think that
I'm doing a favor
for your grandfather,

which happens
to be the truth.

Besides,
I don't even know this girl.

Oh, maybe we do.
What's her name?

Um...
Bark-- Trish Barkley.

Just like the famous model.

Famous model?

I never heard of her.

Charles, wake up
and smell the make-up.

Didn't you see
the January cover
of "Fashion West?"

Or March?
Or May?

No, Sarah,
my subscription
ran out.

Look, this has got to be
a different Trish Barkley.

Here's Trish Barkley
on "Fashion West."

And here she is,
on a swimsuit calendar.

No.

No, no, no, no.
This is...

This is definitely not the girl
coming over to the house.

I mean, I-I-I don't get
to meet girls
who look like this.

Come on, Sarah.
He's gone.

Charles, Charles.
Say hello to little Trish.

Trish has certainly grown up
since the last time I saw her.

Yeah, up.

Hi.
- Hi, Charles.

Well, I'll see you later.
Have fun.

Thanks again,
Uncle Walter.

Oh, don't mention it.
And don't you worry.

Charles is gonna treat you
like the sister he never had.

Gooning!

Bye!

[Charles]
Well.

Trish.
Uh... have a seat.

So, uh...
Mr. um...

Mr. Powell tells me that, uh,
that you're in town...

... uh, visiting your father,
I mean.

Yes,
I don't get to see him
very often.

I travel a lot.
I'm a model.

Oh, a model.
Hey, how about that.

So, what do you do?

Um... I mean, uh,
what would you like to do?

Whatever you'd like to do.

You're kidding.

Well, now, um...

Like baseball?

No.

Basketball?
- No.

[sighs] Pizza?
- No.

Movies?

Occasionally.
- Hey, me, too!

Well, we have
a lot in common.

You are the
most beautiful woman
I have ever seen.

Charles, I was gonna tell--

Oh, my gosh!

Uh... Jamie, this is Trish.

Trish, this is Jamie.
- Hi, Jamie.

Hi, I've seen every one
of your covers.

I've always wanted
to be a model.

Well, when the time comes,
maybe I can help you.

Jamie, how many
of those tickets
you got on you?

Ten, but I--
- I'll take them.

Thank you.
Now, run along.

Oh, thanks, Charles.

Oh, I'll go get my book,

'cuz you gotta sign your name
next to the number
so you can win a prize.

I'll tell you what, Jamie.
Why don't you write my name
in the book for me, because...

Trish and I have to leave.

Okay.
It was nice meeting you, Trish.

And I really hope
I get to talk to you, sometime.

Okay.
I'll be in town for awhile.
- Okay.

Where we going?

I don't know.

Good, sounds fun.

So, Trish...
are you, uh, seeing anybody?

I'm completely unattached.

And I am completely
in trouble.

I am living a lie, Buddy.

You're also damaging
the furniture.

I can't believe this.
For the past three days,

I have been spending
all of my evenings with Linda,

the sweetest girl
in the world.

And all of my afternoons
with Trish.

Oh-oh.

The most beautiful girl
in the world.

I'm telling you,
I am two different people.

I am Dr. Charles
and Mr. Hyde.

I'd be Dr. Spock and Mr. Ed
for a date with this girl.

There's-there's nothing there
but a physical attraction.

Man, we dont have one thing
to talk about.

Well, that must save
a lot of time.

How can I do this
to Linda?

I mean, she is the sweetest,
kindest, most gentle girl.

I-I mean,
she wouldn't even hurt a fly.

Okay, so, what would Linda do
if you told her about Trish?

She'd tear my spleen out
with her bare hands.

Well, have you told Trish
about Linda?

I've tried, but I can't.

I mean,
every time I look at Trish,

my-my brain bails out
and my body says,

"Shut up,
I'm in charge now."

Listen to your body, Charles.
Your body is your friend.

Why is my body
trying to get me k*lled?

I can see my whole life
flashing before my eyes.

You do, huh?
That normally only happens
when you're about to die.

You, uh...

you haven't been doing
anything dangerous, have you?

For instance, you haven't been
less than a gentleman
with little Trish, have you?

Well, sir.

Uh... you've seen little Trish.
How can you even ask that?

Her father will ask,
and she tells him everything.

Something to think about,
isn't it?

All right, okay, look.

Trish is on her way over here,
so when she gets here,

I have to tell her the truth
about Linda.

And then,
I have to tell Linda
the truth about Trish!

Charles,
women don't believe the truth.

Uh, uh, tell Trish
something tragically romantic.

Tell her that...

You love her,
but you have to marry Linda.

Tell her that your parents
pre-arranged it
when you were children.

Oh!
Better yet.

Why don't I tell her
that your parents
never had any children?

Hi.
[Charles] Mom!

Linda, hi.
- Hi.

What are you doing here?

I know you're still babysitting
for Walter, but we wanted
to show you something.

Your mom took me to this
antique furniture store today,

and we brought this brochure
home with us.
- Oh.

Look at this dining table.
Isn't it beautiful?

Oh, yeah, that's beautiful.
The calendar.

Well.

Nice seeing you, Mom.

Goodbye, Linda.
I-I don't mean to rush you,

it's just that you and I
have a lot to talk about later,

so please leave now,
so we can talk about it later.

Thank you and goodbye.

He's very high-strung.

Goodbye, sweetheart.

Uh, try to relax, Charles.

I'll see you tonight?
- Okay.

Smooth, Charles.
Very smooth.

[in an announcer voice]
And, they're off!

It's Aunt Lillian and Linda
out of the gate.

Oh, no,
here comes little Trish
down the back straight.

Little Trish is heading
for the home stretch.
- Move.

Aunt Lillian and Linda
are rounding the corner...
- Move, move!

... and the winner is,
by a nose--
[regular voice] Charles.

[silently]
I mean it.

That's it!
That's it.
I'm telling Trish it's over.

Oh, okay, just remember,
you can do it, champ.
Just come out fighting.

[doorbell rings]
[in an announcer voice]
And there's the bell.

Hi.
- Hi.

Trish, we have to talk.

Excuse me,
I was just wondering

if Trish and I
could get together
for a little while today.

Absolutely, Jamie!

But first, I need about
five minutes alone
with Trish, okay?

You can time me.

Okay, five minutes.
- Okay.

All right,
there's something very important
that I have to say.

Charles, I just--
Hi, Trish.

I found out that
you bought tickets from Jamie,

and I don't think
that's very fair.

Here you go,
ten tickets.

Thanks, Charles.
- You're welcome.

You have to sign your name
in my book,

and while you do that,
maybe I could talk to Trish.

Well, I'll tell you what, Sarah.

Why-why don't you sign the name
in the book for me,

because I need about
five minutes alone
with Trish, okay?

All right, thank you.
Let's go in here.

Charles,
let's go sh**t some hoop.

Not right now, Adam.
I need five minutes alone
with Trish, okay?

Sure, you say five minutes,
but you don't mean it.

You never mean it.

All right, five minutes,
which are almost up.
So...

I'm gonna have to talk fast.
Now...

What do you want
to talk about?

Uh, uh...

Huh!

See,
when-when you do that,
I can't talk, and...

I want to talk, and...
I will talk, but...

First...

Charles, I...

♪ ♪

Excuse us.
C'mon, Sarah.

Charles, how could you do this?
You... traitor!

[door slams]
Who was that?

Uh, Linda.
She's a friend of mine.

Charles?

Uh, he just stepped out.

Oh, hi!

You're Trish.

I didn't recognize you
out of your bathing suit.

I'm Buddence Lembeck.

I'm... Charles' best friend.

Aw!

You look unhappy.

I guess he did tell you
about Linda, huh?

Well, don't take it personal.

I mean, Charles
is very attracted to you,

even though,
he's going to marry Linda.

It's one of life's
romantic tragedies.

Oh, good, Trish.
I-I want to tell you
about that girl...

I already know.

[door slams]

You know, it's too bad, Charles.

You really had
a good thing going.

It's a nightmare, Buddy.

Linda walked in
when I was kissing Trish.

And you're still alive?

You're a lucky man!

Are you nuts?

Linda's mad at me,

Trish is mad at me,

my mother's
gonna be mad at me,

and Mr. Powell
is gonna fire me,

right after Trish's father
bites my kneecaps off.

And you call that luck?

Well, it has to be.
You can't tell me that
you planned it this way.

Buddy.

Way down deep...

... you're shallow.

Look, Linda.
I wanna talk to you,

but I can't talk
over the phone.

Well, fine!
If you're not gonna
come down here,

then I'm coming
over there.

Linda?

Hello?

Well, Charles,
you really did it this time.

It was an accident, Jamie.

I was saying goodbye to Trish,
when Linda walked in.

That was some goodbye.

Charles?

I sense you have
a problem?

Me, sir?
No, no problem at all.

Don't kid me.
I can tell when something's
bothering you.

I hope
it doesn't have anything to do
with little Trish.

No.

Charles doesn't have
a problem, Grandpa.

Ah, a friend of his
has a problem.

Yeah,
he was just telling us about it.

A friend of his, huh?
Okay, tell me about it.

Maybe I can help.

Well.

his friend has
these two girls, yeah.

Yeah!

One is sweet, and nice,
and his friend gets along
great with her.

Right.
But--

See, he really has nothing
in common with the other one,

but she's drop-dead gorgeous.

That-that's true, you see.

Uh, the guy likes
the sweet girl a lot,

but he can't keep away
from the other one.

And, um...

well, these two girls
are tearing him apart,

and-and he doesn't know
how to get himself back
together again.

If this friend is stringing
both of these girls along,

he's not only selfish...
dishonest.

I don't think
he's that way, Grandpa.

I mean, he knows
the right thing to do,

and I'm sure he'll do it.

I hope so.

Charles, you tell your friend
that honesty is the only policy.

I'll do that.
- Right.
- Thank you, sir.

[Mr. Powell]
Charles.

I'm surprised to hear
that your girlfriend, Linda,
is that seductive,

but I'm also glad to see
that you realize what a sweet,
nice girl Trish is.

[Mr. Powell humming]

[doorbell rings]

Oh, Trish.
Come in!

Your father tells me
you're going to London.

I just wanna say goodbye
to you and the kids.

Oh, I suppose you want to say
goodbye to Charles too, huh?

He should be here
in a few minutes.

You make yourself comfortable.

I have to pick up
some dry cleaning

at the store
before it closes.

I'll be right back.

By that time,
Charles'll be here
and we'll all say goodbye.

[doorbell rings]

Oh.
It's you.

Charles wanted me
to come over.

Hi.
He'll be back
in a minute.

I'm sorry
I walked in on you today.

It's okay.
Charles was just
kissing me goodbye.

Goodbye?

Sure!
You're the one
he's gonna marry.

Charles wants to marry me?

He didn't tell me.

Oh, hi, Linda.
Trish!

Did you come over
to talk to me about modeling?

Uh, yeah, sure, Jamie.
This is a perfect time.

Uh, excuse me.

And... congratulations.

Linda!

I just went to your house
to look for you.

I-I want to ex-explain
what I was doing when...

you saw
what I was doing.

Charles, now I understand
what you were doing,
and it's all right.

You are the sweetest,
dearest man alive,

and you don't have to say
another word.

Why not?

I should have known
what you were up to,

but I didn't
until this afternoon.

Well, I wanted to tell you,
I really did.

You are so cute.

I don't know
how you were able
to keep it a secret.

I'm just sorry
I found out the way I did.

Oh, I'm glad
you're taking this so well.
Um...

Didn't this come
as a shock to you?

Oh, I wouldn't call it a shock.

I'd call it... a wonderful,
wonderful surprise.

Thank you, Charles.

This is a trick, isn't it?

You're gonna hurt me,
aren't ya?

Excuse me.

I have to go to my car
for a minute.

Trish, you're in the house.

Uh, can I speak to both of you
for a second?

Please, sit down.
Um...

There's something
the three of us have to discuss.
Now.

I have been selfish
and dishonest...

... but as of now,
it's over.

Of course it is!

One of us
is leaving for London,

and the other two
are getting married.

Right.

What?

Which two
are getting married?

Charles, it's all right.

Trish is the one who told me
you wanted to marry me.

Your friend, Buddy, told me.

Uh-huh.

I'll have to thank him.

Linda.

After what I've done,
I don't deserve you.

I'm dishonest.
Trust me.

No, Charles.
You're a wonderful person.

That's what
I've been trying to tell you.

I'm touched
by your proposal, but...

I can't marry you.

You can't?

Not now.
We have a lot of fun together,
but I'm not ready for marriage!

At least, not till
I get through college.

Oh!

Well, um.

Can we still be friends?

Forever.

Goodbye, Trish.
- Bye, Linda.

I'll call you later.
- Okay.

Oh!
Girls, listen.
I want to apologize.

I-I know you've been wanting
to talk to Trish, and I--
- That's what we were doing!

If you'd let her go,
maybe we could finish.

I was on my way to my car
for my make-up kit.

I'm giving the girls
a few beauty hints.

Come on, girls.

Trish.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

I'm not.

Hey!
Adam, my bud.

Listen,
I've been ignoring you
the past couple of days.

What do you say,
wanna play some ball?

Why?
- What do you mean, "Why?"

Because you've been wanting to,
and now I'm saying, "Okay."

Well, I did want to
but, now I don't.
- Yes, you do!

Look, somebody in this house
is gonna accept my apology.

You're the smallest.
I apologize.
Let's go play ball.

♪ ♪

Charles.

How come you never bought
any raffle tickets from me?

There you go.

Charles, guess what?
You won a prize
in the raffle.

Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!

A romantic, candlelight dinner
for two at Maison D'Amour.

Adam, if the raddle's over,
why did you sell me tickets?

Who said I was selling tickets?

Sucker!

[knocking]
[Charles] Hey!

Buddy, wanna go have a dinner?
It's free.

[Buddy] Yeah, sure.
[both] Let's go!

[Mr. Powell]
Hold it.
Hold it!

You're taking him
on a romantic,
candlelight dinner?

Mr. Powell,
I am through with women.

Come, mon chéri.

Oh là là!

Au revoir!

♪ ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪

[fanfare]